fne Forest Republican b published every Wednesday, hj J. E. WE HK. OfQce In Smearbaugu & Co.'i Buildup ELM STREET, TIOXE9TA, PA. Termi, - W 1 .00 for Ye nr. To ubacrlptlons received (or a (hotter period than throemontha. Correspondence sollolte I from all parts of tba oouotry. No notia will be taken of anonymous oominunlo.ulon. RATES OF ADVERTISING One Squire, one Inch, one insertion..! 1 00 One -quire, one inch, on? month. , 9 8 00 One Fquare. one inoh, tore m mth. . 5 iO ( One Square, one ln-h, one ear..,,. 10 00 "1 wt Squire, one year l.i no Quarter Column, one year A MM half Column, one year .V) 00 Une Column, one year 1M U0 lec a I advertisement ton cenU per line each insertion. Marriages and rieith notices graft. All bills lor yeanyadvertiseinuita collected quarterly Temporary advertisement ruuat be paid in advance. Job work cash on deliver. Forest Republican. VOL. XXX. NO. 50. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAHOII 30 181)8. S1.00 PER ANNUM. The average cotton crop yields, as n by-product, 900,000,000 pounds.of oil and 2,500,000 tons of meal. The number of marriage licenses is sned lu Chicago hns been steadily droppg for the past fonr years, aud in 1807 it was nearly twenty per cent, less than it had' been in 1803. Says the Chicago Inter-Ocean: The Shah of Persia is said to own 875,000, 000 worth of jowels and gold orna ments, lie doesn't keep up much of a navy, and buys diamonds instead of gatling guns and bombshells. The manufacture of bogus antiques in the Egyptian penitentiaries nnder English, management hns reached snoh proportions as to call forth a pe tition against the practice from the Royal British Antiquarian and Arch aeological societios. Ex-Senator John B. Henderson hns thoroughly studied the problom of the West Indies, and ho predicts Euro pean flags on tho islands will be pulled down one after the other until there will bo a powerful republic of the "touted Islands of America." ifr Tho American people have a vory sweet totb. Last year they consumed 2,090,(0 tons of sugar au increase over the consumption of the previous year of 136,177 tons. During 1897 we produced 11,317 tons of beet sugar, 280,009 tons of pane sugar, and enough BHgar from maple trees and sorghum to bring tho total amount up to 330, 656 tons.- . This is a good deal of sweet ness, but it is a mere triflo in com parison with our imports of fTGO,G07 tons from foreign countries. H. C. Russell,- a scientific man of ' &ew South Wales, announces as a re sult of a prolonged examination of his tory from the earliest'times, that sea sons of drought recur with unfailing regularity at intervals of nineteen years. Of two hundred and eight droughts recorded sinoo the year 900, all but fifteon conform to this theory, whioh is that there ar6, every nine teen years, one long period of three .. years during which the rainfall is somewhat deficient, aud a shorter period betweeu eaoh of the long periods when the deficiency is excessive. He even finds a confirmation of the Bible chronology in the fact that the dates of tho Egyptian drought iu Joseph's time, the drought during King David's reign, that foretold by Elijah, and that predicted by Elisha, all fail into the nineteen -year period. Poor Do Lome's downfall is a cruel blow to the pessimists who are fore ever moaning about the incompetency of our diplomats, exclaims the Now York Commercial Advertiser, Wo may not have a class of trained diplo inatists, and we may send country law yers to contend with experienced Min ' isters at European oourts, but they do not tnako spectacles of themsolves by insulting the heads of the govern meuts thy aro accredited to. They may oat with their knives, but they do not get themsolves sent home in dis ftvaca. If Sackville-West and De r. i'.uo are trained diplomatists, the IT.iited States will be satisfied a time I r.iger with its untrained ones. It is worth notice, however, that European diplomats make more of these blund rs in the TJnitod Statos than iu auy ilher country. Europo must send all - its oheap raw material here. Oom Paul Krueger seems to have a life piition. Mr. Krueger is a won dertjan, aud his unexampled suo oess in maintaining the independence of his country in face of a rich, intel ligent and violently hostile majority ' of the actual inhabitants of the country within, and against air the forces of nodorn civilization without, is a fact to which history furnishes no parallel. He is the incarnation of the spirit ol his race, masterful, stubborn, rugged and tenacious of their own. In addi tion, he has a quality foreign to his people, such sagacity and craft iu policy that Bismarck or some similarly competent judge deolured him to be the one born, diplomat he had mot. The history of Krueger aud his race reads like a ohapter -out of Lacede monian history. Iu stern contempt for luxury and progress, hatred of foreigners, grim content with old fashioned ways, disdain for refine lenU and comforts, scorn of wealth nud all it can bring beyond four meuls a day and long range liHes, thej are like the peoplo. who chose iron for money metal and trained their young to sleep out of doors. There is no place for such a peoplo iu modern civilization yet. Its time will come when civilization shall ' have bred weakness aud decay aud grown ripe for another conquest by rude strength. 1'ho Boers will not lustHill theu. They havo come too late or too soon. EACH IN HIS A Are mist and n planet, A crystal ntid n cell; A Jollyllsh nnd n saurian, And caves whore tho cavemen dwell; Then asiMiso of law and beauty And n face turned from tho clod Home call It Evolution, And others call It Ood. A haze, on tho far horizon, Tho liinnite, tender skv; The ripe rich tints of tho cornfields, And the wild gneso sailing high; And nil over upland nnd lowland The chann of the golden-rod Home of us call It Autumn, And others call It Ood. 49 CUPID IN e)o Hy STANLEY tMinnnni uauuo "OVI Hon placet," ' wrote tho red- L. . headed girl in the t back of the wide, . i . i uuioiig b o u o o I room. Mr. Har rison Jenkins, the -r-- urositlini genius -rrrrs.T of the place, stood bl scowling behind his desk, strug gling with the class in Latin. These young boys and girls, who looked pityingly up to his dark face, were struggling with the verb "sum." The lesson had been poorly prepared, and the issuo of thunderbolts were soon expected to shower from this pedagogical Olympus. Atlnstit. came. Mr. Jenkins brought his fist down upon the plain do.il board with a thump that awoke every languid mind in the room. "Is this what you come to school for?"ho began, as if addressing jury. "Is this the way yo:i tisa ono of the most precious gifts that God has giveu to you? Hero you are, a whole class of bright boys and girls, with bruins enough to do anything you de sire in this great world, throwing away tho greatest opportunity of your lives. If this was nu institution for weak minded children I would have some compassion for you. But youi facos aro all bright and yonr eyes all clear, nnd yet yon will como to me with stioh a lesBon as this!" Mr. Jenkins punct uated every sentence with that echoing thump on the desk which carriod con viction and mortification to the minds of each boy and girl before him. It was then that the red-headed girl on the back seat wrote "Jovi non placet" ("It is not pleasing to Jupi ter"). Oeraldine Coffin was. Mr. Jenkins' prido. lie had no favorites; at least, such never appeared in the little com monwealth, which he held in the hol low of his hand. But in Oeraldine he was intensely interested, and he often found in her his greatest irritation. While Mr. Jenkins hold the whole of his fifty odd young spirits in the hol low of his hand, the red-headed girl was the one person he was not quite sure of. Oeraldine had given him the name of "Jupiter," and it fitted so well that it was nt once adopted by all his subjects. "When he pounds his desk and that great shaggy head shakes so, aud his blue eyes Hash, all you can think of is Jupiter sending thunderbolts to earth" and in this remark Geraldine had christouod him. Many times he had thought he heard the name "Jupiter Jenkins" bnt he had never beou able to capture one of these err ing mortals. Of oourso, ho knew he was called-"Jupiter;" ho had been told so by admiring parents, who knew he would bo pleased, and he was. But it is with tho red-headed girl that this story is chiefly concerned. She was tho only human problem that Jupiter Jenkins could not solve. Geraldine Coffin had been an inmate of the schoolroom only a few days when Mr. Jenkins discovered that she possessed an unusual uiiud. lie laid bis plans to make the most he could of her. He was accustomed to use the parable of t he talents in the school room, aud to say that of him to whom much was given much would be re quired. The getting of lessons was an easy matter to Ooraldiue Coffin She not only learned them, bnt tho trnths aud principles were digested, and sunk into her mind, clearly un derstood aud stored away, until the day which would call them iu use. Jupiter Jenkins was accustomed to say that hardly more than one child in twenty really digested kuowledge. Ho had como to complain to Oer aldiue's mother that her daughter sometimes failed iu her lessons, aud that it was inexcusable, iu one who had auoh a mind. "I have come to toll you this, Mrs. Coffin, when I would not take the trouble to inform another mother, for this reason, aud this alone: Oeraldiue has an unusual mind, and she can make anything she pleases of herself. If she knows you and I are one iu this matter, she will not care to trouble us by neglecting to get her lessons." Goraldiue's mother was as much flattered as any other woman would be, and, of course, Jupiter Jenkius was upheld. Thus he dealt with Oer aldine, conscious of his power. He endeavored to make her fail, "and whenever Khe did she was compelled to remain after school aud get her les sons. But with a wonderful mind there was a somewhat wayward nature iu the texture of (ieraldine Coffin's per sonality. ' She was often rough aud hoydeuish, aud she caused no end of trouble. With tie deep interest the young muster took in her a sense of power developed. When Mr. Jen kins supposed he had her solrdly in his control, there would burst forth a lit of "don't cure" iu her, w hich as tonished uud alarmed him. OWN NAME, I.Ike tho tl los on n crescent eon bench, When tho moon In now and thin, Into our hearts high yoarntugs Come welling nud surging In Cotne from the mystic ocean Whoso rim no foot has trod Home of us call It I,onglng, And others call it (od. A picket frozen on duty, A mother starved for lier brood, Hoeratos drinking tho hemlock, And Jesus on the rood; The million who, humble nnd nameless, The straight, hard pathway trod Home call It Consecration, And others call It God. W. H. Curruth, in Christian Register. SCHOOL. E. JOIIN50N. Then the thunderbolts flew to punc- tnate the master's fluent words of in dignation. "When one has the mighty gift of brains," he thundered, and life s road lies before, to choose what is best and highest, to be lazy and languid, and not to reach the arm to grasp the golden apple of the intel lectual Hesperides, is the greatest wrong." It was then that Geraldine, her col or slightly brighter and her head a trifle higher, would return to her seat and writo "Jovi non placet" ("It is not pleasing to Jupiter"). There were certain rare facts about Geraldine that Jupiter Jenkins, in his teacher's enthusiasm, had not noticed. One of these was that she was a very pretty girl. But it ho had been im pervious to this fact, there were oth ers who had not, aud among those wero some of tho bij boys in the school. Geraldine was growing, and she was now tall nnd lithe of fijurc, with her big blue eyes clearer aud more ex pressive as sho looked nt people. The true soul of n rather dosigniug maid en was showing forth from them. Sho was glad to receivo attentions, aud it smoto Jupiter hard when he observed that Bhe walked with one aud then with another in the still and balmy spring evenings. Just why it smote him as it did, Mr. Jenkins never know until a few years later. But it did, nud Geraldine's face seemod to have framed itself into the centre of his thoughts. She recurred to his consciousness constantly, aud when ho thought of tkesa big boys he win truly uncomfortable. He bad another conference with Mrs. Coifiu, in which he suggested that Geraldine had better be kept in the house and made to give closer at tention to her lessons. AVhen he called her in recitations he was also doiug his best to make the girl fail. And when she did fail he did his best to make it uncomfortable for her. She had to remain after school and get the whole lesson. Jupiter made her recite it all "precept upon precept," so to speak. He had conceived the ambition to make a teacher of the girl. He broached the subject to Mrs. Cofllu. "Geraldine," he began, "is cut out to be a teacher." Mrs. Coffin started in astonishmeut. "Yes, she is," he af firmed, with a thunderboit, "and Bhe ought to bo sent to a normal school. I never wcut to one, ami what I know about teaching has been gained by ex perience. But there is no mistake. The learning of methods means some thing in these days, aud I'm sure that if Geraldino is sent to a normal school she 4 will make a first-rate teacher." Mrs, Coffin thought it over for a few days aud theu came to the conclusion that Mr. Jenkins was right. That was tho usual conclusion about Mr. Jenkins iu the little village. The idea was placed before Geraldine, and when she heard of Jupiter's proposal she smiled a smile that made her mother look at her twice. But Geraldino had the key to certain kinds of human na ture which was far beyond her years, She thought she would like to go, and it was a great joy. whe i she came to Jupiter's throne and iu her sweetest aud calmest manner thanked him for his kindness aud said she would do her best to deserve it. That was the happiest day that Jupiter had ever had in the school. He did not quite un derstand it, but there was a singing heart as noLuenue as tue singing ot a tea kettle and as soft as a cat's purr, Geraldine toolc new interest in school. She tried no more of her subtle ways to disturb Jupiter, aud the boys found a change in her which at once set their former interest at naught. "riho ain't no more fun," they all agreed, and they troubled tier no more. Gjraldine entered the normal school, aud passed her preliminary cxaminu tion with extraordinary success. She was one of tho three highest out of a large cluss. The veteran principal of the school knew human nature at a glance. He wrote to Jupiter a letter which confirmed all that worthy had said about the baliiiug Oeraldine. When Oeraldine returned at the end of her first year tho townspeople be gan to relout in the hurd opinion they hud entertaiued of her, aud Baw an other person in the tall aud earnest young woniuu who had appeared be forethem. Jupiter Jenkius had ended his work as schoolmaster iu tho little seaport town. He had been studying law, uud was now employing the same forensic tuleuts he had used before his schoolroom iu a mure lucrative if not a higher court. He was "up iu the city," uud was mukiug a name. When Oeruldine finished her course iu the normal school she received tha highest commendation, and the old principal happened to find a good place for her iu the same city w here Jupiter wus uiukiug his way. When Oeraldine came into his office at the end of her first quarter it was the first intimation that ho had re ceived of her presence in the city, Hho said she had come to make a pay ment, and while she spoke poor Ju piter was turning all sorts of ruddy colors. "But I hadn't heard you were here, Oeraldine," he said; "I have been thinking of yon, too, wonderiug if I should hear from yon. Of course I knew I should. But somehow I can not get you out of my head, flirl;" this was punctuated with one of the old-time thunderbolts. "Fact is, Oeraldine, I've only just found out why I treated yon so hard when in school. And it was simply this 1 loved you! I want yon always; I want yon to mako me happy, to be my wife!" Geraldine smiled as she raised hoi face and received the salute from hie lips. "I knew that was the matter all tne time," she said. Chicago Record. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. Brandy contains more alcohol than any other spirits or wine namely, fifty-four per cent. Au elephant is possessed of such a delicate sense of smell, that it can scent a human being at a distauce of a thousaud yards. In 1000 cases of tho morphine habit collected from all parts of tho world, the medical profession oonstitutcs forty per cent, of the number. M. Phisalix, the French authority on the Venoms of insects and reptiles, has established that the poison of tho hornet in sufficient quantity renders one immune to that of tho viper. It has recently been olaiined that iron ships fitted with electric plants suffer rapid deterioration of their pipes having direot connection witn tho sea, duo to electrolytic action. Cloth is now being successfully made from wood. Strips of fine-grained wood are boiled and orushed between rollers, and the filaments, having been carded into parallel lines, are spun in to threads, from which cloth can bo woven in the usual way. Tin amount of liquid refreshments taken by a man of seventy years would equal 70,700 pints, and to bold this a pail twelve feet high and more than two thousand five hundred times as large as au ordinary pail would be re quired. The woight of the liquid would bo over forty-two tons. In the Diesel gas engine, which is now attracting much attention in Ger many, the mixture of air and gas which moves the piston is not sudden ly exploded, when it takes fire, bnt burns slowly enough to impart a more gradual impulse to the engine. A 1000 horse-power motor of this type is promised for tho Paviu exposition of 1900. At a reoent meeting of the Entomo logical Society of Washington, some specimens of chrysopa, a species of golden-eyed fly, which had been col lected in the white Mountains, were exhibited as curiosities, because each one carried on us back one or more minute cecidomylid flies. The opinion was expressed that this was a true case of a smaller species of insect using a larger species for tho purpose of loco motion from plaoo to place. It is supposed that a Uentauri, ono of the brightest stars of tho Southern Hemisphere, is the nearestof the fixed stars to the earth. The researches on its parallax by Henderson and Macloar gave, for its distance from the earth, in round numbers, twenty billions of miles. At the ineonceivably rapid rate at which light is propagated through space, it would require more tbaujfour years to reach the earth from this star. Sir William Turner, speaking at the meeting in Toronto of the British As sociation for the Advancement of Science, said that tho average brain weight in man is from forty-nine to fifty ounces. In woman the weight is from forty-four to forty-five ounces. A few men, iucludiug the great natural ist, Cuvier, have had brains exceeding sixty ounces in weight, but equally heavy brains have occasionally been obtained from persons who had shown no sign of intellectual eminence, Among infant children the average brain weight is for girls ten and for boys 11.07 ounces. Vlilon Teat, tu School., In Philadelphia it has been found that of about 1500 pupils of the two highest grammar grades whose eyes have beou tested nearly half of those examined have defective vision. Iu several cases children who were in structed to wear glasses have shown the benefit of using these in improved proficiency in their studie. In some instances pupils were retarded, un consciously to themselves, by not be ing able to distinguish anything writ, ten upon tho blackboard. One boy, whose hesitancy iu reading could not be accouuted for, was found to be atliieted w ith a difficulty that made one word uppear as two. Iu special cases a physician s examination lias been advised. School Journal. Women ISi-atllea. Women beadles are being thought of in England. A London writer says that ho cannot see thut the "headless" would be of much service iu keeping riotous schoolboys iu order or ejecting brawlers from the church, but for robing t'ao vicar uud the curates iu the vestry uud decorating the church she would be of infinite service. A bouuy, beautiful girl beadle in picturesque costume aud a light silver waud would undoubtedly be both useful uud ornamental at weddings and iu leading processions. lll'itUh Ilattlu t'luK.. The names of 105 battles are cm blazoned ou the standards of the vari ous regiments which form the British arm r. TAGS ON THEIR FINS. LETTING MARKED COD LOOSE TO STUDY THEIR HABITS. Carloua and Interesting Kxperlenre At n VnlteU Slate. I'leti llntililnu Sta. tlon Kaeli Liberated Ftati Kwlm In the Atlantic With a Metal Tag Attached Acoording to the Boston Globe an experiment which is being viewed with the keenest interest by the iisn ormen along the Atlnutio coast is now being carriod on at the United States fish hatchiug station at Woods Hull, Mass., under tho supervision of Com missioner J. J. Brice. For years and ever since the estab lishment of a nsh hatching station at Woods Holl continuous obsorvntions have been made through tho yenr iu reference to the habits, abundance and movements of the important fishes of tho New England coast. At this station, as at all others, the product has been from time to time seriously affected by tho presence of parasitic nuimnls and diseases peculiar to the fiuny tribes. Of the food fish, the cod has suffered much from the parasite nuimals ns ntiy food fish propagated at this station. The cases have beeu given careful study by scientists, and investigations carried on on nu extensive scale. The results of the investigations havo beeu most gratifying to nil concerned, nnd it is evidently tho intention of the government tojmnkethis station tin most important ono ou tho Atlantic coast, utilizing the excellent facilities here offered to the fullest extent. With a view to securing more defi nite information regarding some im portant points concerning the cod the Commission have begun to turn loose in the waters of Vineyard sound sev eral hundred cod, which in weight vary from pix to twenty pounds. Tho fish were procured from the fishermen in the vicinity and stripped of thoir spawn at this station. Before being released, n numbered tag is fastened to each of the fish. The tag is a small piece of copper or tin, and is securely fastened by cop per wire to tho dorsal, aual or caudal fins. Commissioner Brico has issued cir culars and sent them to tho fishermen and dealers, urgently requesting them that when a cod having such a tag comes into thoir hands, to remove the tag and forward it to the United States Fish Commission, either at Washing ton or nt Woods Holl. The Conimis eiuii fto request that tho following information concerning tho fish bo Bent to them: Date when caught, on what gronnds taken, weight before being dressed, total length from end of nose to end of tail, whether male or female, and whether eggs or milt were ripe, large, but not ripe, or immature; also, tho position of the tag. This inquiry will, it is expected, prove of practical interest, by show ing, among other things, tho rnto of growth of the cod, the frequency of its spawning, and the extent to which the individual fish migrate, nud the assistance of tho general public, in fishing towns is asked iu order to make the experiment fully successful. Among the fish thus far liberated are soveral that tipped the scales at over a dozen pounds. As soon as they were tagged they were put into a big tank and taken far out into tho sound aud released. The process of tagging those fish is quite interesting and ro- quires the services of two Bkilled op orators. A small holo is 'made through tho dorsal, anal or caudal fins, through which a small copper wire is passed. To this wire aro at tached tho tags, which are about ono inch in length, one-half inch iu width and about the thickness of writing paper. The numbers are stamped iu the middle. A record of the fish re leased is kept in a book especially do signed for that purpose. He Wanted S.l.l.O IO. The followiug letter was recently re ceived by the Commissioner of Pen sions: "Cormishner I hoop you wonto take know offence a ganst me no think hard of me (sor). I dout do this nor to iusilt you, my dear friend. Sor I am know solgor in tho v.arcr. I uiver was in eny rigiment uud all I cluuie my pencion is my gun bote putcu (patent) which god handed down ia a vishun to me from hcvun all jiutcd upp. God dideut doo this for my iugre (injury) nor god never does eny thing wrong. My gun bote paten goot burnt when my house burnt w hen my houso burnt. Please scud me a check for $33,0l)J." Washington Star. Hair Know White In a Milit. Instances are numerous of a per son's huir turning white iu a few hours through fright, but cases like that of Robert F. Noway, of New York, are not so common; in fuct, ure exceed ingly rare. When Noway awoke one morning recently he wus surprised ou looking iu the glass to find that his hair, which had been dark brown the night before, had turned to snow white while ho ha 1 slept. He con sulted a doctor, but the latter could give no explanation of the struuge occurrence. Noway has felt no physical ill effects from tho sudden change. A I.ueky I'ui-Mttn. In Louisville, Ky., recently a clergy muu who was culled upon by u frieud to perform the ceremony ut his wed ding refused because bo wus iu love with the girl himself. The girl over heard the statement, dismissed her be trothed aud married the pardon. Tleketa I. Ike Carriages. On the stage railways iu Germany the carriages are puiuted according to the colors of the tickets of their re spective classes. First-class cau iages are puiuted yellow, beooud-cluss green aud third-class white. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES TOLD BY 1 HE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. The !renm That Falleil The Modern fill! In Doubt rhUosttphy Dnulilo Killed Decidedly. Not Another Clil. neso Coiuilleatlnn An Kxplnnntlnn. I dreamed n beautiful tlrenn last night," The bashful young mnu said; 'And I wander If you can guess It aright, " And ho blushed a rosy red. "Dreams nre thing I never could guess," 1 no neautlliil muld Hid reply. "I dreamed to n question you nnswered yes," Ho said with a deep-drawn sigh. "Well, you aro nwarn, no doubt," said she, "That dreams by contraries go; Ho, should you that question ask of mo. My answer will surely be no." Chicago News. In Koulil. Gladys "Do you thiuk Charley means business?" May "I can't tell yet; but I'm afraid ho only mean poetry." Puck. I'hlloiiophy. First Boarder "This chicken is not the most tender fowl in the world." Second Boarder "No; however, the quality reconciles ono to the quan tity." Puck. Old Maxim Applied. Van Lushe "Drunkenness is a vico I have the utmost contempt for." Miss Cutting "Yes, familiarity does breed contempt, doesn't it." Boston Traveller. The Modern (llrl. you think the modern "Do girl needs a chaperon?" "Not always; but I think the chap eron generally needs a modern girl along." Kansas City Times. The Itevlvul. Stranger "Were you to tho revival mooting last night?" Uncle EpU "Yes, sah. Do minis ter done talk so much it took half an hour to revive me." New York Jour nal. Another Chinese Complication. Brown (reading tho news from China) "How would you pronounce this name?" Jones "Liao-Tung? I guess you don't pronounce that you vodel it." Puck. Tho Itenaon. Elmer "Pa," why do they call the end of school 'commencement?'" Professor Broadhead "Beoauso it is tho time when the student com mences to forgot everything ho has learned. New York Journal. Dotibto-Kdjrcd. "What is an 'agfaressivo policy,' grandpa?" "Well, it is a policy which makes a mau so mad that he wants to light, but which scares him so that he doesn't dare to." Detroit Froe Press. Undoubtedly. Jasper "What do you think How ells meant when he spoke about ono of his characters being a hen minded woman?" Jumptippo "Oh, I guoss ho meant that she never thought about anything except her own sot. Judge. All Ill-Clioaell Time. "Whon I proposed sho could not say a word iu reply, said Hpykes to his friend Spokes. "Her heart was too full for ntteruuco, I suppose." "No, it was her mouth which was too full. I proposed ut the dinner tablo." Uocldodlr Not. "This year's wheel may be chain less," remarked the observaut board er, "but " "But," added tho cross-eyed board er, before tho other man could finish his Konlonco, "this year's L. A. W. politics is not cliiuloss." Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. In lloHton. The Fiance "Forgive me, Miner va! I admit that I was wrong." The Fiancee "O, Emerson! I am so happy!" The Fiunco "Yes, darling. I re alize that I was very hasty in anyiug what I did concerning the manners ami customs of tho curly Assyrians." Puck. An Kxplunutloii. "Papa," said the boy, "when you say iu your advertisement that your goods ure acknowledged by oonnais seurs to be the best," what do you mean by couuaisHuurs?" "A connaisscur, my boy." answered tho grert manufacturer, "ia au eini uont authority au authority, iu short, who admits that our goods ure the best." Puck. I'nlverwul NuUuuee. "Give mo tho man who sings nt his work!" exclaimed tho cheery citi zen. "He is the person whoso tem perament has my sympathy und np proval, every time." "Yes," replied Mr. Bitters, "I don't object to the man who sings ut his work, so long us ho confines himself to that. Whut uunoys me is to have him como in and insist on singing ut my work." Washington Star. Ilia lli-lurt. "Here's n queer case," she said looking up from the newspaper. "Is it?" he ictiiriiel, for ho was not feeling in particularly good humor uud diil: 't care who knew it. "Yes, it is," she ret lied. "It's a case where a bride was given as u ger luuu favor." "Bather a stretch of tho Anamina tion to call it a favor, I should thiuk," he said. Of course she pjot even with him after they always do; but this is not a continued story. Chicago Evening Post. LOVE AND THE BICYCLE. HE. "When balmy breer.ej blow, dear, Aeross tho meadows green. And fragrant flowers grow, dear, Where now the snow Is seen, A-throtigh tho happy land, dear. We'll happy-lienrtcd go, Tivo lovers, hand In hand, dear. When balmy breer.es blow." HUE. "When balmy brcer.es blow, dear, I'll have a ehalnlesn bike. And you can hardly go, dear, The rapid pa I 11 strike; If love you truly fee), dear. You mustn't be so slow; l!ra"e up and get a wheel, dear. When bahuy breezes blow." boston Travclor. HUMOR OF THE DAY. "How can a man tell when ho is really in love?" "Well a mnu is really in love when ho thinks he doesn't eat or sleep." ruck. She "You never think of me whl you nre staying out so late." He "My dear, that's one reason I stay out so late." Tndianapo'iia Journal. "It's hahd,"said Uncle Eben, "fob or until ter excuse a boy fob bein' as foolish at eighteen yens ob age as he wall hisse'f nt two.ily-tive." Wash ington Star. "Stickenloopcr gets his mouoy's worth whenever ho buys a newspaper.'' "Iu what way?" "He can read any joko four times beforo he sees the point." Puck. Count Spagetti "I havo como to ask for your daughter's hand in mar riage. I love her." Mr. Common Btock "But what makos you thiuk I don't?" Puck. "What's tho differenco between wages and boodle?" "Well, wages is money a man earns and sometimes doesn't get; but boodle is what a man gets and doesn't earn." Detroit Freo Press. Editor "I cannot consider yonr contribution ; you have no reputation." Poet "Ah?" Editor "Yes; go aud impose on two or three lesser editors, and then I'll talk with you." Detroit Journal. "Fearful destitution up at the Klon dike," jaid Biggs. "Awful!" re turned Wiubleton. "I'm told that a wooden-legged man up there had to chop his leg up into toothpicks." Harper's Bazar. "I believes," said Uncle Ehep, "dat de human race would be con sid'able wiser an' happier ef you could git 'om to follor un alignment as easy ns you kin git 'em to follor a circus puhcession." Washington Star. "One big troiiblo 'bout runnin' dis hero world," said Undo Eben, "ia dat it's de man who hones'ly realizes de fuU iniportunco ob a responsibility dat is mos' likely to be a little shy ob ncceptin' it." Washington Star. Frieud "Poetry is a drug on tho market, isn't it?" Poet "I should say nut!" Friend "Then I am misin formed." Poet "Your informaut probably never tried to sell poetry or buy drugs." Buffalo Commerical. "Mr. Showman," said an inquiring individual at the menagerie, "can the leopard change his spots?" "Yes, sir," replied tho individual who stirs up tho wild beasts; "whon ho is tired of one spot he goes to another." Tit Bits. First Arctic explorer "I havo al ways considered Columbus a some what over estimated man." Second Arctic explorer "Why?" First Arctic explorer "Ho discovered America tho first time he went to look for it." Puck. Usher "Complaint is beiug made as to that bonnet iu tho third box." Manager "What's the matter with it?" Usher "Several ladies on the opposite side of the Louse claim it is so swell they can't see the stage." Chicago Chronicle. "This co flee, my dear," said Kiekles, "reminds mo of what mother used to make." "l)oos it really?" exclaimed his wife, a pleased look coming into her face. "Yes; ami she used to make about tho worst coffee I ever drank." Boston Traveler. Mrs. O.eeu "What bud-behaved children those are of the Brigg's! It was disgraceful the way they fought over tho last piece of cuke at tho table lust evening.',' Mrs. Browne "That's queer. My children never begin qunrroliug till the last piece is gone." Boston Transcript. "No," said the rich old buchclor, "I never ci uld find to marry." "Well," replied t'uo young woman with the sharp tongue, "I um not surprised to hear you t-ay so. It certainly would havo tuken a good wLilo to persuade any girl to have you." New Orleans Times-Democrat. Great Picture-buyer (to hostess) "What do you thiuk of uu artist whe paintel cobwebs on the ceiliug so truthfully that the servant wore herself into un attack of nervous prostiut o I trying to sweep themdowu?" Hobtesii (a woman of experience! "There may have beou such uu artist, but there never wus such a servant." Tit-Bits. Old- reunion. A determined effort has been made iu tho legislative council of New Ze laud, which is tho Senate of the Colo ny, to carry au old-age pensiou bill, the object id which was totfivea small iiunual grunt to the poorest classes ol the population who have arrived at tho ago of seventy without requiring uny contributions ' from them. But the bill i defeatel by twenty votes to fifteen, lis it was felt that the scheme should consist of coiitrihutious by th beiioliciurics aided by u Government subs idy for some yeai i before the age limit is reached. New York Commer cial Advertiser. I'a.v of Ai-toi- In CUoia. In China u company of thirty actors can be engaged for ,Sli to pluy as inaiiv pieces as may ho desired for two uyi ut a airetch.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers