Earth Week happenings at PSH... Hank Rappokl Capital Times Astrologer Below is everyone's horoscope for finals week. I thought you all would like to know when the stars are will be in your favor during finals week. Good luck and have a great summer. CAPRICORN -- The best time for you to take a final is at 1 in the afternoon and at poolside. When in doubt on multiple choice exams always guess "A" or "none of the above". Tuesday will be your lucky day of finals week. AQUARIUS -- You will do better by flipping a 1964 nickel on true/false exams. Just make sure that heads is true and tails is false. Never sit directly under a light during your exams; this will effect your brainwaves. Good luck and may the force be with you. PISCES -- You may be facing some of the hardest finals of your life. Frank just inspected and failed your stove. The Pat Sajak Show was cancelled. What should you do? Get drunk before the final. Tell Frank to clean the stove and write to CBS. ARIES -- Guessing "C" or "true" will get you far into your finals. To fill space "All Strung Out" performing at the Provost Picnic Standing in the Olmsted rainforest. It's All In the Stars on essay exams go into detail on why the Pat Sajak Show was cancelled. To get into better touch with your innerseif don't shower on test days, wear no underwear, and have Domino's deliver a pepperoni pizza mid-way thru your exams. TAURUS -- Watching Jeopardy before your exams will help. So will Sesame Street. Let yourself go on the exam. Answer, then think. Everything will work out if you plead for mercy from your profs. Look for hidden message in LEO. GEMINI -- Females, shave only one armpit before an exam. Guys, don't sit next to these females. If your whole college career is riding on one exam, don't sweat it. This exam will be over before you know it or in 2 and a 1/2 hours, whichever comes first. Have faith and remember, you are boldly going where no other college student has ever gone this week. CANCER -- Just do it and get it over with. The moon is rising in your favor. The gods of wisdom are in sync with the stars above. What does this all mean? Not a whole hell of a lot, but hey it GENERAL sounds good! If you feel anxiety coming on during an exam, light up a good cheap cigar and puff away the blues. LEO -- Oh, Leo the Lion! Don't fear any exam this year. Just blackmail your profs and you too can make it onto the deans list. Multiple guess exams are your strong point, but only if they are on Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday night. If they are not--BEWARE. You have been warned. VIRGO -- The easist-going of all test takers are Virgo. You may have learned a lot in all your classes, and you do not have a clue on what will be on the finals. The answer to this is as complicated as the secrets of the universe, but as easy as making macaroni and cheese. This all means: don't think too hard, wait 7 to 10 minutes and both the answer will come to you and the macaroni will be done. Now just add the cheese. LIBRA -- First choices will be wrong on odd numbered questions. For even this doesn't hold true. Remember that taking a true/false exam is like putting toliet paper on the roll. Just like there is only one way to install a toilet paper roll, Photos by: Richard Chiavetta Planting more trees Troy Thomas putting aluminum cans to use May 2, 1990, CAPITAL TIMES there is only 1 right answer. Keep animal crackers and Fresca soda nearby during your test. SCORPIO -- People may think you are dumb because you mix stripes and plaids, but what they don't know won't hurt them. This clothing will help you be yourself and will help you find the answers deep inside yourself or off you neighbor's paper. A proper diet before your test should consist of eating an orange while wearing only underwear in your living room at sunrise--washed down with a warm beer from last night. SAGITTARIUS -- Eat a good breakfast before your final. Something like M&Ms, a Twinkie and a shot of Tequila will work best for you. To compliment this, wear something red and face west during your test. Everything else will come naturally. Hank's Qualifications: Hank learned astrology and all about the stars while being raised by a band of gypsies on a small island south of the Philippines. In the late seventies, Hank maintained constant communication with Elvis and Bruce Lee. His most recent project was protesting the Pat Sajak Show, because of its subliminal sexual messages.
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