Earth Week happenings at PSH...
Hank Rappokl
Capital Times Astrologer
Below is everyone's horoscope for
finals week. I thought you all would
like to know when the stars are will be
in your favor during finals week. Good
luck and have a great summer.
CAPRICORN -- The best time for you
to take a final is at 1 in the afternoon
and at poolside. When in doubt on
multiple choice exams always guess "A"
or "none of the above". Tuesday will be
your lucky day of finals week.
AQUARIUS -- You will do better by
flipping a 1964 nickel on true/false
exams. Just make sure that heads is true
and tails is false. Never sit directly under
a light during your exams; this will
effect your brainwaves. Good luck and
may the force be with you.
PISCES -- You may be facing some of
the hardest finals of your life. Frank just
inspected and failed your stove. The Pat
Sajak Show was cancelled. What should
you do? Get drunk before the final. Tell
Frank to clean the stove and write to
CBS.
ARIES -- Guessing "C" or "true" will
get you far into your finals. To fill space
"All Strung Out" performing at the Provost Picnic
Standing in the Olmsted rainforest.
It's All In the Stars
on essay exams go into detail on why
the Pat Sajak Show was cancelled. To
get into better touch with your innerseif
don't shower on test days, wear no
underwear, and have Domino's deliver a
pepperoni pizza mid-way thru your
exams.
TAURUS -- Watching Jeopardy before
your exams will help. So will Sesame
Street. Let yourself go on the exam.
Answer, then think. Everything will
work out if you plead for mercy from
your profs. Look for hidden message in
LEO.
GEMINI -- Females, shave only one
armpit before an exam. Guys, don't sit
next to these females. If your whole
college career is riding on one exam,
don't sweat it. This exam will be over
before you know it or in 2 and a 1/2
hours, whichever comes first. Have faith
and remember, you are boldly going
where no other college student has ever
gone this week.
CANCER -- Just do it and get it over
with. The moon is rising in your favor.
The gods of wisdom are in sync with the
stars above. What does this all mean?
Not a whole hell of a lot, but hey it
GENERAL
sounds good! If you feel anxiety coming
on during an exam, light up a good
cheap cigar and puff away the blues.
LEO -- Oh, Leo the Lion! Don't fear any
exam this year. Just blackmail your
profs and you too can make it onto the
deans list. Multiple guess exams are
your strong point, but only if they are
on Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday
night. If they are not--BEWARE. You
have been warned.
VIRGO -- The easist-going of all test
takers are Virgo. You may have learned a
lot in all your classes, and you do not
have a clue on what will be on the
finals. The answer to this is as
complicated as the secrets of the
universe, but as easy as making
macaroni and cheese. This all means:
don't think too hard, wait 7 to 10
minutes and both the answer will come
to you and the macaroni will be done.
Now just add the cheese.
LIBRA -- First choices will be wrong on
odd numbered questions. For even this
doesn't hold true. Remember that taking
a true/false exam is like putting toliet
paper on the roll. Just like there is only
one way to install a toilet paper roll,
Photos by: Richard Chiavetta
Planting more trees
Troy Thomas putting aluminum cans to use
May 2, 1990, CAPITAL TIMES
there is only 1 right answer. Keep
animal crackers and Fresca soda nearby
during your test.
SCORPIO -- People may think you are
dumb because you mix stripes and
plaids, but what they don't know won't
hurt them. This clothing will help you
be yourself and will help you find the
answers deep inside yourself or off you
neighbor's paper. A proper diet before
your test should consist of eating an
orange while wearing only underwear in
your living room at sunrise--washed
down with a warm beer from last night.
SAGITTARIUS -- Eat a good breakfast
before your final. Something like
M&Ms, a Twinkie and a shot of Tequila
will work best for you. To compliment
this, wear something red and face west
during your test. Everything else will
come naturally.
Hank's Qualifications: Hank learned
astrology and all about the stars while
being raised by a band of gypsies on a
small island south of the Philippines. In
the late seventies, Hank maintained
constant communication with Elvis and
Bruce Lee. His most recent project was
protesting the Pat Sajak Show, because
of its subliminal sexual messages.