Page 2 By Ay ana The crash of a 727 jet airliner into Three Mile Island late last night may cause "major realignments in geogra phy" according to an electric company spokesman. A new lake will be named Lake Middletown in honor of the late borough's demise. according to a highly placed source in the Department of Environmental Resources. The lake will cover the estimated 100 square miles contaminated The above picture, has recently been awarded by the New York Museum of Art Curator, Harry J. Smut, the Classic of the Times Award. In his release, Mr. Smut mentions photography as the 'true art form of today' and was totally impressed with the 'ethereal quality' and 'vivid portrayal of society's awareness of the beauty which surrounds them'. The picture is to be hung in the main lobby where it will be admired by all who enter the building. e were once If There Were A Nuclear Plant On Tenerife by t h e - lkieily Improbable, nearly impossible" crash. The future "water recrea tion area" will be made possible by the creation of a dam 30 miles downstream of the former power plant facility. The dam will be financed through an extra fuel readjust ment charge on utility bills. State and industry spokes man are optimistic about the future recreation potential of the lake. Guidelines for the 286,000 year plan are already C.C. Reader the 727 crashed into the three-mile island. being developed. Ivy bet lame, according to Mortimer J. Snerd, "advances in recreation technology alone could make this lake a tourist bonanza for Central Pennsylvania, Maryland, and parts of New Jersey. Why, just think, Cro-Magnon man stepped out of the caves a mere 75,000 years ago. Imagine the advances that we can make in the next 7.86,000 years. And all the new species of fish and game that ^ lllfd l / 4 1 0 fr 1 ; 4 . 4 . 4 :7 41. 4 41 44 k " b\ #f- :Peva 4 1 111 11 '..0 ). ' vi.tw -1 41 4 ' ,1L. 1 .1t 01118 1 t 1,1 : 4 .-N tl, '....• \ 111 * I N \ tp * lir4 1 0 * 4 4 t e A*.q.•• i t . • , a %,4•4 1 - .. 02 ,,,,,,, ~.., ......#014:4 i„ .... itig ..,...... ~......i. , it.. 4 'NI ,N 4 1:40 OW "I may develop due to the slightly higher-then-normal radiation background level could make this the trophy capital of the world. Yes, we are leaving a scintillating heritage for future generations to enjoy." No local residents could be found to comment on the plan. According to Defense Department estimates, Lake Middletown will be safe for human recreation by the fall of 297,972 A.D. The six-pack from last issue's contest is awarded to Barry Rickert, 11th term Bus. Adm. He captioned the picture: "Doug Henning's younger brother 'Houdonit' performing his famous feat of lifting an invisible bottle of Sangria with his eyes closed." (By the way, Barry's was the only entry.) PROFS OFFICE March 32,1977 News Notes From Around The World By Sven Ironcrosser Mr. and Mrs. Joseph and Mary of Nazareth became the proud parents of a baby boy here today. They have decided to name their package from heaven Jesus in honor of Joseph's favorite baseball play er Jesus Alou of the San Francisco Giants. President Idi Amin has refused to deny reports that he is negotiating with the Horizon Corp. of America for the sale and development of Uganda. When this reporter questioned Amin on the matter he replied , "Duh ah bogga bogga, fuck " you, Dateline Washington. The Supreme Court here today has ruled out brain death as reason for replacing a sitting president under the 25 amendments. This decision grew out of a case brought by former Vice President Rockefeller. The ex-veeps' lawyers tried to have then President Ford removed from office as incapable of performing his duty. As proof of Ford's brain death they offered the record of his three years in office. Chief Justice Warren "Big Mac" Burger wrote the 5-4 decision. Perrone's mushrooms By Julio Alvarez Ed Perrone, Associate Editor of the C. C. Reeder, was discovered yesterday wander ing naked down Route 280. Middletown Police, who appre hended Perrone, said that at the time of his discovery, he was kneeling by the roadside attempting to eat the gravel. When questioned at the stationhouse by police, Perrone could say nothing except, "Well yeah, I, uh, we11....w0w, man, wow." It is suspected that Perrone took a large dose of LSD shortly before the incident occured. He has been released in the custody of his French poodle. S‘s 'RALPh Ayr►iN It GlOtT SA9lt4 G APRIL Fool. AND UN LocK "i tits *44E44*** Do o R!"
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers