March 32,1977 Wreckreation And Athletic News As Never Before rr!1..71 The martial arts class, under the capable direction of coach Iron Balls will meet this Thursday to learn 57 ways to kill with a rolled up copy of Hustler Magazine. So all you pansy-pinko fags had better stay out of their way!!!! DI Joint Rolling IM Joint Rolling got off on a big bang last Wednesday. The High Rollers won the first round by putting together five really big mothers which Crassified Notes And Stuff PASSED AWAY- Indira and Sanjay Ghandi; last week after a fatal attack of democracy. They have now entered an empty, invisible existence which they richly deserve. DIED- Ray Martin's Peter Lorre impression. Best remem bered for its bizarre rendition of 'Hey Jude', it was popular in the suburbs of Philadelphia in the of the decade. Your Complete Family Drug Store RUSSELL STOVER CANDIES HALLMARK CARDS Bankes rtraTmacy 3 E. Water St. At Union Middletown Visit The 31Babib Aladin STORE FARNI MAW JAN= LONDON FOB "Clothing the Men In This Area Since 1895" STORE Union St. - Next to Post Office Open Thur. & Fri. Till 4:00 ======= knocked everybody on their ass!! The Bombers were in second place but they sure left smiling!! We've got some really terrific Columbian stuff on order, so sign your team up now!!! Fresh Waterfish Ihadgrenading Fresh waterfish handgre nading went up to Cooley Dam last week. Joe Saskokitchvitch won by blowing out 350 various kind of trout and stuff! Everybody really went crack- Lorre passed away following a fatal case of voice deepening. Lorre is survived by Humphrey Bogart doing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head." John Wayne doing a Datril commer cial and 60% of recent Washington D.C. ENGAGED - One KLM Boeing 747 to one Pan Am 747 in the formerly scenic Canary Islands. The KLM plane engaged its nose with the Pan Am craft's rear starboard fuselage. Spanish airport officials are still cleaning up after the shower, of metal, glass, luggage and parts of people. Lloyds of London will Were going to make this year's spring concert the beat one ever... in order to do so we need your help and enthusiasm. To find out more please &WM* Um CUM": Itieening on Apt 26 at 8:00 P.M. in the St dent Center. We can't do it without you! P.S. Tapped refreshmerkts will be. 'ovided. C.C. Reader ers though when Bud 'Rueben Hurricane' Smithley broke out the M 79 launcher!!! But that got the fish and game guys pissed, so we ate our fish salad and went home!! Sure as shit it beats fishing!!! HACC Pool Pool will be closed until they clean up the mess that some really disgusting person left at the bottom!!! Remember next time you're there that the locker room isn't that far away!!! bear the ring as well as most of the cost. MARRIED- Hell, isn't it? RELIVED- TWA, Braniff, Eastern and American, that it wasn't them. SEPARATED - The U.S. Supreme Court from reality, as exhibited by their recent decision or pregnancy benefits. SIGHTING REVEALED- For mer Premier of Spain General Francisco Franco was recently seen in Palm Springs, Florida playing golf with - you guessed it, Charles DeGaulle. ADLAI STEVENSON- Just decayed a little more this week. But we're sure he'd be glad we are still thinking of him. ARRESTED- Jimmy Carter, for sinking his prominent teeth in Bella Abzug's equally prominent ass. Released in custody of his dentist. REPORTED MISSING- The Caspian Mao Ms. Board which should have stepped on this paper long ago. AWARD ANNOUNCED- Gov. Shapp announced this week that Pennsylvania has won the State officials marathon dead man's float championships with a record time of over one week. This year the championships were held in the Potomac River. He also announced victory in the Orville and Wilbur Wrong championship. This award is given each year for the most creative aircraft accident involving State offi cials AWARD DENOUNCED: Sylvester Stillone claimed that winning the best picture award was no award at all. "They should give me the entire world, I deserve better," he said. (0;0' Fhe Q 441.1 FOR HALLMARK CARDS STATIONERY GIFTS CANDLES PLANT HANGERS WOODEN WARE Opencrphpuorsi: The Fri. Eve Post Office Middletown . Varsity Basketball Varsity basketball is banned on this campus now!! Last week the coach caught star player Tom Pokanszew shaving points to brownnose his Middletown bookie!! Shame on you Tom!! IM Ego Tripping The Frog Dildoes won easy last week!! Actually they're in a class all by themselves!!! Equipment The Wrech Ath department just purchased an Olympic pool, and handball court! Also, we Harrisburg REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH SERVICES 100 Chestnut Street • Harrisburg, PA 17101 BIRTH CONTROL PREGNANCY TESTING VD SCREENING ABORTION COUNSELING 1.717-232-9794 have available for check out bicycles, tennis stuff, all kinds of balls and three really foxy chicks!!! Come over and enjoy!! Cheerleaders The Cheerleading squad was wiped out in an unfortu nate accident with a worm! We're really put out about it over here!! Now we have nothing to look at but sweaty meat!! We're now trying to talk the worm, named Waldo, into at least spitting out Katie!!! Not Loin Page 1
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers