THE CHAPLAIN'S STORY. By WILLIAM HENBY SHELTON. ICopyright, 1803, by the Author.] It had been a great day in the village. The Phil Sheridan post, G. A. R., No. 120 had paraded the street with fife and drums, bearing the green flag of old Ire land proudly beside tho tattered and bat tle lettered standards of the great war. With early flowers and little flags and tender thoughts of the giant ruction in the land of their adoption the old veter ans had decorated the graves of their comrades and placed an extra sprig of shamrock on the cross above the one Confederate mound over against the sun lit wall where the violets had already taken joyous possession. THE MYSTERIOUS FIGURE SAWED THE AIR WITH ITS LONG ARMS. It was u great night that followed when the campfire was lighted behind the closed doors of the post. Chaplain O'Ronrk was orator of the occasion, which simply meant that the good father was first story teller. So settling the double folds of his shaven chin above the endless white cbokor which rosd stiff and uncompromising out of the gloom and amplitude of hie wrinkleless vest he twinkled one merry eye on the expectant , faces of the old boys about him and be gan his story, with just a twinge of brogue lurking slyly in the rich musical tones of his voice: The smoke had settled on a famous battlefield among the hills of Pennsylva nia Besides the presence of tho victo rious troops wherever the eye turned was abundant evidence in the fields that some thing unusual had happened. Tho fences not leveled with the ground were riddled with holes, the earth was broken and trampled, and dry branches lay under the green trees. Out on the ridges, in the tangled grainfields and rocky pastures, men were gathering countless rifles and cording thorn in long piles. Everywhere bits of cloth and scraps of leather lit tered the ground—a cap here and a blan ket there. .. It was the evening of the Sth of July. Bugler Ohld, who carried an arithme tic in MB nosebag, and who had found some fraction of time to cipher during lulls in the late engagement, now laid that well thumbed companion of his cur rycomb beside u gun wheel and stood forth to blow the supper call. As the hungry men are swarming out from under the carriages armed with quart cups, and while the clear ra-ta-ta of the bugle is sounding merrily, there appears, coming over tho hill from the direction of the village, the most demor alized apparition in petticoats that over flouted in a soldier's dream. With tho wild whoop of a painted Comanche tho mysterious figure sawed the air with its long arms and then threw a headlong somersault in the tangled wheat, show ing a flush of white legs and trooper's boots under a flying scud of calico, and landed a sprawling, inert mass in the übblo. Beforo the dust kicked up by tho ap parition aforesaid had settled about tho quivering bundle of rags 50 "Q" men were charging through the grain as only a petticoat could toll them to charge. Corporal Conn was first 011 the ground and at n glance under tho sunbonnet rolled in the wheat convulsed with laugh ter and in imminent danger of being ground under the heels of tho charge. •Hurrah, boys, it's Teddy Greggan!" cried the corporal, rolling over onto his knees and holding his shaking sides-, 'Teddy with a skinful of commissary! Gods, but he's drunk!" 'Fall bacjtl Uive him airl Carry her to the captainl Don't stale the lady's bairl Whoop, it's Teddy Greggan from the deadl' Without further ado four muscular cannoneers Beized the body of Teddy by its four extremities and burst through the crowd in the direction of the officers. " 'Lo, there. Glasheye," muttered Ted dy as his half open eyes fell on the broad shouldered corporal with 0110 eye who carried his left boot. "Glad—er—see — yea, Glash" 'The officers of Battery Q were seated in the open air over a supper of toasted crackers and coffee spread out on a pair of empty ammunition boxes when the bearers with their burden approached, followed by a stream of men from all the batteries up the line. "Private Greggan reports back from missing. Bir," said Corporal Glasseye, dropping the leg ho carried and saluting the captain. A shout went up from the mess as the boys seated Teddy on the ground and pulled buck the old pink sunbonnet, re vealing his leering face andcarrotty hair —a shout in which the victim essayed to join, making a gurgling failure, which, with his wonderful makeup, caused the laughter to break out ufresh. "Hand him over to the guard, men," said the captain, "and send the corporal to me." "Here, captain," said a fine looking yonng fellow, belted and gloved, showing tyf palm of his right hand in front of his nght ear. "Have Mm undressed, corporal, and roll Mm in the creek until he comes round. I'm glad to see him in any guise, but eoak the drink out of liim and bring him hero iq the morning." Teddy had been last seen by his com rades about noon of tho first day of the battle bent over his lead team plying the lash like a jockey on the last quarter and swearing galore above the crackling of rifles and swish of the whips. The bro ken, plunging column of butteries was tearing through the sinoke of the infan try, closing in on either sido with yells and oaths. Wounded horses were dragged along under the lash by the frantic plunging of the teams. Cannoneers leaped into the saddles emptied by the rifles, and every nerye was strained to gain tho bridge leading to tho village and the cover of the blue infantry hurrying to our support. But Teddy's gun was the last of the flying column, and Lieu tenant Mink sat like a statue on his bald faced chestnut praying for his last gun until horse after horse went down, and before he threw himself forward on the chestnut's neck and touched his quiver ing flanks with his spurs he had seen Teddy leap into the smoke whirling, his whip at his assailants. Accordingly Ted dy Greggan, lead driver, had gone up in the reports to corps headquarters as "missing." Directly after guard mounting Teddy Greggan was marched up to headquar ters in charge of the new corporal. A small collection of saddles piled against a crumbling Btone wall in the shado of a sturdy oak, with blankets spread on the ground and bridles and fieldglasses and sido arms strewn about, constituted Bat tery Q's modest official headquarters on that sultry July morning. Teddy was arrayed in a clean new uni form and looked as fresh and ruddy as a baby turned out of its bath. Alongside the corporal he came to attention, and the two stood dumb beforo the powers as handsome u brace of soldiers as any com manding officer would wish to see. "Well, Greggan," said the captain sternly after looking his victim delib erately over from his seat on the wall, "what have you to say for yourself this morning?" "Prisent for dooty, sir," spoke up Teddy as bold as brass. "Don't you think I should stand you on a gun limber from now until taps?" said the captain, looking his fiercest. "I don't, yer honor," said Teddy. Then tho captain laughed merrily and said no more, did he, that Teddy was his best lead driver and he was glad to see him back. So he bade him come under the tree, out of the sun, and explain how he came by the calico and tho commis sary. The corporal was excused, and the captain callod over tho officers of the next battory, so that before Teddy be gan his story he had an audience of a dozen, including the first sergeant, who stood apart with the quartermaster in a tangle of dry limbs clipped off the oak tree by the artillery practice of the enemy. "It's a long story about the dress," spoke up Teddy, "but tho whusky is a short wan. Oi had no intintion av comin to tho batthery in famale attliire, cap tain, an at twilve o'clock yisterday mom in, havin heard that ye was lyin in this place forninst the eimetery gate, I says, 'Teddy,' says I, 'av ye go in this way ye'll be raisin expectations that ull ind in cruel disappintment. The leftenants might fall in love wid ye. I'll first thrado me clothes wid a sthiff,' says Oi. So Oi made off, crapin along the finces down to yander hollow be the woods, an jist as 1 had consented there was a liberal shprinklin o' dead Johnnies a-ly "ON ME BREAST WAS AN ARCHWAY AV BLUE LETTERS." in round in the grass, an thero lay wan lone Yank, face down in tho dhirt, wid as clane a uniform as iver Oi seen on a dead man. He was wan o' mo size, an goin over to him, says Oi, 'Me slapin beauty, that's a foine coat yer laid out in,' says Oi. 'Oi'll thrade ye me gown for it. Oi'U thrick yez out fur yer mith er's daghter,' says Oi, an wid that Oi laid hold o' wan o' the boots. 'Gimme that,' says Oi. " 'I vjon't,' said he, spakin out o' the ground, an wid wan kick of his long log he sent me sprawlin across a dead John nie. Av Oi yilled murtlier an St. Path erick it's small wonther, for tho doad wan was sweariu above mo in a jiffy. An then:.'Me darlin,' wlieodlin loike, says he. seem tho petticoat, 'is it robbin the dead, ye are? Who be yez anyways?" says he. " 'God hilp me,' says Oi, 'Oi'm Teddy Greggan from Battery Q,' says Oi. " Tn faith ye are,' says he, an there stud forninst me Jack Quince av the Foorteenth cavalry. " 'For the love o' God,' says Jack, •what are ye doin here in that rig? 1 "Says Oi, 'Jack, Oi'm escaped,' says Oi. 'Yez wudn't havo me report in Bat thery Q in a petticoat, wad ye?' "Well, hardly,' says he, 'havin some ac quaintance wid the gintlemen in Q,' says ho, scrapin his chin. " 'Then ye'll linda hand till wo take the duds off this unfortunit,' says Oi, not cousideriu the tiino the i>oor divil had 1 been lyin in the sun. FREELAND TRIBUNE, MONDAY, MAY 29, 1893. " 'Git outr says he, wid a foine look o' schorn. 'Cud yez sf pip tho whole skin off a ripe tomato? Yer ignorance is due to your limited opporchunities in tho ar thillery. Come down to the post,' says he, 'an we'll give you a dhrink.' "Sure, captain, Oi was as dhry as a last year's goord, an seein the humor av it I tuck Jack's arm, wid me flowin skirts clutchod up in mo hand, an we paraded down to the videttes. Its sora' more Oi know av what tuck place till Oi landed in camp, except that thlm hay thins had foraged a jugful av applejack. Oi renumber tho blackgards was makin love to me, wid 'Plase, dear, havo an ither sip,' and 'Down wid it, me old girl; it's dhrinkin yer health we are.' "The next Oi knowed, captain, was when Oi woke up wid the police squad sousin me in the crick. "An now Oi'm towld its rollin lush Oi was when Oi arrived, an it's sorry Oi am, captain, for Oi intinded to come loike a soldier escaped from the ineiny, an proud av tho thrick Oi am. Shuro Oi'd have come in in man clothes, as Oi ought, av thim murtheriu cavalrymen hadn't injuced mo to dhrink." It is better to omit the remarks perti nent and impertinent with which the story had been greeted, and now as Ted dy rested the hillside rang with jeers and laughter from the shoulder strapped audienco seated on the wall. "Well, Greggan," said the captain when the talk and tho laughter had sub sided into an evident state of expecta tion for more, "you commenced your story in the middle." "The divil Oi did, yer honor. Oi com minced it at the ind, loike a fox when he digs his hole widout lavin ony dhirt out- Bide. Thankee for the liinonade, but seein the state Oi was in last night, an axin yer pardon for that same, ye'll see a shmall dram wud aso mo troat. Mo inards is burnin after the lush." So Teddy smacked his lips over tho dram, regarding his audienco with a far away look, half unconscious for the moment of the fusillade of questions as to where ho had been, what he had seen, how he escaped and how he was captured. "Where have Oi been," began Teddy, disregarding an invitation to sit down, "where havo Oi been? Begorra, Oi'd loike to know myself where Oi've been. It was two days' march to the soutliwist they tuck me, an when we got there it was nowhere in particular, Oi'm thinkin. Wherever it was, there was a shmall river an a dliirty canal alongside it. Oi was that lame all the last afternoon Oi cud hardly walk at all, or else I played it that way on tho long legged lad from Varginny what was dethailed to bring me along in the rear. What wid tellin sthories and stalin cherries an tho loike we got sum'at friendly by the time we sthruck the canal. 'Let's take a bit shwiin,' says Oi to the lad. 'Oi'm thinkin the river water ud cool the blisliters on me fate,' says Oi. " 'All right,' says mo innocent guard, for the hate was baliin tho two av us. 'They all won't bo campin far ahead. You uns' clothes is you uns' parole.' says he. "So we tuck our clothes off on the roadsido. 1 threw mine over the limb of a tree, an tho lad laid his togs on tho top of the wall. Afther wadin through the black ditch av a canal we crossed the towpath to tho river an jumped into the cool wather. Wo might have been shwimmin about in the shade an lyin undor tho bank for tho matther av half an hour us happy us a pair o' tliwins whin we agreed we'd shwim across the sthream an back an afther that go on about our business. Oi was tho first to git onto the far bank, an lookin across to the bit o' road where we had lift our things there was a spotted calf wid his fore feet on tho wall chewin Johnnie's suspendhers, loike a boa consthructor makin ready to swally tho whole uni form. 'Will ye luck o' that?' says Oi. 'He'll be aiten yer gun next.' Wid that we both slid down the wet clay bank, an Oi lay laugliin in the brink av tho river to see the lad shwimmin for his life in the dhirection av the wild animal. " 'Come on,' said he as lie scrambled over the towpath. " 'All right,' says Oi. 'Oi'm afther yez.' An then for tho first time Oi sized up mo chances. Tho threes was thick above stream, an a foine sandy beach lay along side the wather. Lapin to me feet, I ran like a red deer until I was aisy out av his sight, and thin 1 climbed over tho bank an tuck into the shwamp. "Says 1, 'Teddy, me boy, yo'U fetch up in Batthery Q in somothin thicker'n tho skin av ye.' It was the afthernoon av the first day Oi'm spakin av, an Oi'm towld the divil was let loose hereabouts, but it was that still in the Bhwainp ye cud hear a bullfrog plump into the wather half a mile off. An be that same token Oi must have been twinty miles away. 'lt's Pennsylvany Oi'm in,' thinks Oi, 'an Oi'll be maten up wid some wan as ul givo me clothes to cover mo naked ness.' Wid that I tuk heart an began falen me way through tho shwamp. Says Oi, talkin to mesilf loiko: 'Oi'll sthay hidin in tho shwamp by day an foragin in the fields by night in mo skin until tho divils rethreat. Prisons is fur the Infantry,' says Oi, 'an the arthillery in the person o' Teddy Greggan ull kape out of it. Shure mo innocent tame ud blush to seo me,' thinks Oi, 'but it's bad luck av Oi don't stale a horse blanket afore mornin.' "The briers scratchin me hide was worse 'an a currycomb to a kickin horse, but afore sundown Oi was out on tho edge av a plowed field. An aisy quar ther av a mile down the fince was a shape hovil, an it lucked loike a palace to me considerin. Oi wasn't ornamental to luck at afther passin the shwamp, but all bein still in the field an nobody pris ent to do tho luckin I made a run for it down tho fince. "The first thing me eyes lit on inside was a big suck half full o' male. Says Oi, 'Teddy, there's a dhress suit ready made for ye to begin the world over in.' So Oi imptied the male 011 the ground, an findin an old Biekle behind a raftlier Oi cnt a hole in the bottom for 1110 head to go through nn two shlits in tho two comers for me arms. Shlippin the nato devise over me head, the bottom av it faliin near to me knees, I had a shirt on ne fit to mate the ladies in. Oi tuck a few turns up an down tho shod in mo pride. On mo breast was an archway av blue letters, 'l4O pounds, extra foine!' 'Oi'm a liar,' says Oi, 'av that ain't mo weight and description, an Oi hopo thero's no mishtakes on the back.' "Oi was that hungry my inardß was crying for mate. 'But,' says I, 'Teddy, mo lad, ye'll stlmy here till dark comes, and if anybody else comes ye'll rethreat to tho loft.' Not yet havin explored that sthory, I climbed up tho lather onto n flure av rails, an as a reward av me cu riosity I found a pair av gum arctics. Tho ould leathers lucked as if they had done a thrick o' dooty onto a scarecrow, but that didn't hindlier ther casin me feet fur the march. AvOi'd found a bag of goold I waden't have been so proud. So Oi had to deoind an tako a few more turns on the dirt av the shed in mo coni plated gorgoousness. 'Misther Johnnie Reb from Varginny,' says Oi, 'will ye look o' that? Y'e can march up to the provost marshal wid Teddy's uniform undher yer arm,' says Oi, 'an get a thrick o' punishment dooty. Oi'm a prince in disguise—l4o pounds, extra foiqol'" At this point of the narration the au dience under the tree gave way to their merriment, and tho captain's servant under instruction revived tho exhausted Greggan with a small jorum of whisky and water. "Oi'd give a munth's pay for a photy graf av mesilf in that dhress," cried Teddy, "inoro particular at the time o' night when Oi marched up to an ould maid wid the tale o' me hunger. § 1 "GOOD AVENIN," SAYS 01. " 'Murtlier,' says she. Oi'd got between her and the gate while she was lookin at the moon. " 'Let me go,' says she. 'You're unda cent,' says she. 'I can't luck at ye.' " 'Mo dear ladhy,' says Oi in me softest accents, 'it's stharvin Oi am fur a taste o' mate. Oi'm a gintleman from the ar thillery, an plase don't judge me by me clothes,' says Oi. "But the more I pleaded the more sho screamed, an that brought hor old father to the dure. " 'Good aveuin,' says Oi. 'Oi'm just nskin for somethin to ate, boss, an the ladhy is takin exciptions to me raiment.' " 'Go on,' says he. 'Thee's a tramp.' " 'Go on yersilf,' says Oi. 'Oi'm es caped widout me clothes.' " 'From a lunatic asylum?' says he. " 'Oi may look it,' says Oi. 'Oi'm es caped from tho ribbel guard wid niver a bite-since mornin.' " 'Theo's a Yankee, then,' says he. " 'Oi am,'says Oi, 'from County Clare. Oi was took afther havin foive horses shot undher me retliraitin into Gettys burg the day before yisterday noon. Me guard let ine in swimmin in the river, takin me clothes ill parole av me, an Oi cut sthicks in me skin. Yez might be acquainted wid tho male sack Oi havo to me shirt,' says Oi. 'Oi tuck it from the sliapo shed in the plowed field beyaut to cover me nakedness wid.' " 'What's thy regiment?' says he. " 'Batthery Q,' says Oi, 'the pride of tho First corps.' " 'Come in,' says he. 'Tliee'll git the best in the house,' an wid that lie fell to shakin hands wid me. 'Hold on,' says he. 'The good woman ud be bavin a fit at sight of thee, an small blame to her. Go around to the barn,' says ho, 'and Oi'll bring thee dacent raiment.' " 'Oi'm a man of pace,' says ho whin he came out wid tho lantern. 'l'vo laid mo two sons on tho altar of me country,' says he, 'but I'm soro tempted to go out wid thee and smito tho Gibeonites. And now theo may get up in the buggy and put on those garments.' "He was about two sizes bigger nor the quartermaster there, an his heart was as big as his body, for he'd brought mo his Sunday clothes. Y'e shud 'a' seen mo whin Oi come down out o' that buggy I A shad belly coat jo' tho color o' snuff, wid do tails swnpin tho ground, wid bucks an eyes for buttons. 110 was a kind o' Quaker they calls a Drunkard. The breeches was ]>eg tops—barn door— b-r-r-r-r-r wlioop-la—big enough to go twise round mo and long enough to turn up to me pockets. " 'Thee's not improved so much ns theo might be,' says Mr. Quaker. " 'They'll tit me betther afther Oi've had something to ate,' says Oi. "That night was the first time in two years Oi'd slilept in a bed, an betuno the bed and me tiredness Oi shlept on till near uoon tho next day. It was the Fourth av July, an the old man had tho good news for me. " 'Praise tho Lord and Gideon,' says ho. 'Gineral Meudc has won a great vic tory. But thee'U be grieved to hoar of tho thousands ami thousands of the Lord's anointed that are slain,' says ho. 'An small care for the loss of tho hathen I hat wint out to give us battle,' says he, wid a wink. " 'But there's sore throuble in tho house,' says he. 'Here's Leah, the wife of my sou, who druv out from Gettys burg last Lord's day a week, and her little wans, barrin the babby, in the midst o' tho battle these tlireo days, and Ezra in tho ranks, the Lord preserve him. She's bound to go home av she walks, and Oi must tell thee the Gibeonites are en camped five miles up the turnpike, with fresh rifle pits dug in front o' them.' R. F. DePierro. S. DePierro. CAFE 1 MEALS OF ALL KINDS AT ANY HOUR. Famous Gibson, Dougherty, Kaufer Club '£ Rosenbluth's Velvet "WIIISKIIES IN STOCK. IMI tarn's Extra IDrjr CHampagne, ZBladsrToerry, ~^7"ine, Brandy, Grin, Claret, Etc. HAZLETON AND BALLENTINE BEER ON TAP. Porter, Stock Ale and all kinds of Refreshments. FINEST BAR IN TOWN. TEMPERANCE DRINKS and FINE CIGARS. BUMS, hot OR COLD ' 25 CENTS. ABOtTABT-EBS FOE XDeZEIIEIEIRO'S OECHESTEA.. Centre and Front Streets, - - - Freeland, Pa. " 'An Batthcry Q nil bo mnrchln wlil out Groggan,' soya Oi. 'Bo the blood of the saints, they will not!' says Oi. 'Go find tho provost marshal of tho inemy,' says Oi, 'and get a pass to drive yer dagliter through the lines to the town. An get another pass,' says Oi, 'for Mary, the Oirish nurso,' says Oi, 'an don't ye forget that pass for the nurse,' says Oi. " 'Thee'll find,' says he, 'thoy will not pass a man.' " 'Go on,' says Oi. Oi'll wake up a woman in tho mornin, an a foine wan at that,' says Oi. 'Get a pass for yoursilf if you can, but for two women onyways. There's no time to lose,' says Oi, 'anil mind ye don't carry them thaves a horse. Ye'U betther walk on yer feet,' says Oi. "Afther he had gono Oi explained me plans in dethail to tho ladies. 'An now,' Bays Oi to the oulil maid,who hailbecomo somewhat reasonable, 'the Johnnies might be droppin in on us. Yo'll givomo clothes to dhress up in for tho nurso iin madeately, ami Oi'll be afther gettin used to hanillin the babby,' says Oi. "Whin tho ould Quaker rethurned, Oi was sittin on tho front stheps nussin the kid. " 'The Lord bo with thee!' says ho, lookin at his slilapin grandson an thin at me widout a sign of recognition in his face. " 'Did yexsecuro thim passes?" says Oi. " 'Praise the Lord!' said he, gettin on Ills glasses. 'Theo's tho Boldier man! Thee'll do! Thee'll do!' "Av course he cud git no pass for him silf, an Oi advised him to be gettin his horses and cattle into tho shwamp. "The mornin cume at lasht, an tho horse an wagon was brought up to tho dure. By this time the babby tuck to me like a duck to wather, but the missus was that nervous she cud hardly houlil the lines, and all the women folks was in tears except mesilf. "Then tho ould Quaker spoke up, his face as long as mo arm and the nndher lip av him trimblin: 'Leah, thee and the soldier man ('the nurse,' says Oi) are in great peril. ('Then don't be makin her worse,' says Oi.) Theo'll both put thy trust in the Lord. Rachel and I would never slape tonight if we let thee pass into the camps of the Gibeonites to tho neglect of our mornin duties. Thee'll bring me the Testament, mother.' An will that he wiped his old horn specs on his shirt sleeve an opened tho buck to tho very first chapter, tliero bein no time to chuse an one being as good as another. " 'An Abraham begat Isaac, an Isaac begnt Jacob, an Jacob begat some other feller an his brother.' An all the time birds was siugin in the lilnc bushes, an tho bugle was sounilin in the distance, an Oi was woilil to bo drivin afther tho drums. But tho Quaker man wns aisy an kept readin on—this one begat that wan, an t'other begat t'other—a-kapin chune wid tho bumble bees inthe clover, wid the liciutousness av Solomon an tho rist o' them liathcns—until me eye lit on two rebel cavalrymen riilin down the lane, an then I made bowld to hit the old roan horse wid the gad, an we started, the babby suramin wid the bellyache an the missns trimblin wid fright. " 'Terence begat Michael, an Michael begat Pather, an Pather begat Teddy, an Teddy begat Mary Ann, an that's me,' says Oi. "The cavalrymen, bavin their thoughts on the corncrib, didn't so much as luk at us, an that heartened up the missus a bit. Says Oi thin: 'Yez havo the pass, an it's gud. Ye'vo only wan thing to fear, an I'm afeared av that mesilf. The nursegirl might let loose an cuss ef the occasion wns ripe for it, but Oi'll do mo best indeavor to restrain her,' says Oi. "It was no thrick at all gittin tro thim lines while the guard was luckin at the pass. God knows it was crnel av me, but Oi alus pinched the poor little inno cent and set him to howlin, which made it necessary for the nurse to be bondin over the child an sootliin him loike." Teddy's smiling countenance, a full moon with freckles, must have been a fine foil for the sweet faco of the young Quakeress at his side when the butter nut and gray soldiers streamed over the remnants of the fences that were to stare at the ladies, as soldiers will. "RAPE IT AN DE HORNED!" SAYS 01. Teddy scorned to descend to the ordi nary details of thoir passago through tiio camps of a defeated and destitute urmy bivouacked in picturesque confusion for miles and miles along the summer fields, eating the green things like locusts and drinking the wells dry, but we drow the facts out of him with corkscrew ques tions. Tho appearance of tiio rival artillory interested him. "Ono place," he said, "wo passed a sorra lukin string o' bat teries. Sore backed mules pttllin on ould rope traces, wid bed quilts under tho sad dles an howlin idjots on the top av thim. 3-inch guns an parrotts an light 3 twilves, all together in the same bat thery, making a disgraceful connection 'The nearer we got to t'he rilie pits, which Oi knew wud be the last av thim, tho moro Oi see there was going to be no i chance for a bit o' fun, an Oi grew oneasy as the missus got calm. About twinty! yards from the gap in the bristworks lift i open on the turnpike the last thafe av a! sentry tuck a look at tho pass. " 'Hurry up,' says Oi. 'Can't yez read?" i " 'l'll kape it,' says he, 'to remember ye by.' " 'Kapo it an bo durnedt' says Oi. 01 was spoilin for a ruction be that. "The pits below the road was full o' Johnnies making their durty male Into hoecakes an burning the rails av the finces. Says Oi, 'What's that stuff yer cookin?" says Oi. 'Shure wo wudn't fade that to the hogs in Pinnsylvany,' says 01. 'Oi can lick the best wan av yez mesilf, says Oi. 'Come on!' "Wid that they streamed over the bristworks makin for tho wagon, an 01 plumped tho innocent babby into the missus' lap, an slio sayin her prayers, the divii I was, an lathered the big roan into a run. Thin pokin me head an shoulders through a hole in tho yellow top—tho saints forgivo me!—Oi swore at the gray divils until they was lost In tho dust. Thin Oi tuck tho reins out of her hands and kept tho roan at a gallop for another mile indiverin to soothe the missus wid mo blarney. But 'twas no sort o' uso. Wo was close onto the village, an she made bowld to order mo out of the wagon. Av courso Oi got out in dis graco, and Oi'vo been heapin disgrace on disgrace iver since until Oi'm thinkin Oi'm no gintleman at all from tho ar tliillery." The Heroes and the Flowers. There Is gladness where tho showers Of the sun ravs run along. AH tho grass is gay with Ho were. All tho air is sweet with song. Little happy birds aro nesting In tho hedgo and In tlie glado. And tho smile of God is resting On tho good that ho has made. Comes a hurst of battle thunder, And tho frightened birds havo tied. Solid are rent asunder, And tho green Is dripping red. There's a shock of foemen meeting And a discord of their wrath, YVhilo tho heavy foot aro beating Down tiio tlowers in their path. Now the flowers gently, gently Fall upon each narrow mound. And tho spirit ears intently Catch tho eclio of tho sound. For it enters in tho portals. Tells its message sweet and dear. And tho warrior immortals Know they aro remembered here. Ah, the years are grny with kindness, And tho sky is blue with peace. Gone forever is t ho blindness. Now the hnttlo echoes cease. Birds aro singing in the meadow. Lovo is shining in tiio sun; Gono forever Is the shadow. For tho blue and gray are one. —Detroit Free Press
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