PAGE SIX No More Politics Collegian took a beating all during the recent political campaign. The Inde-pendent-Nittany party thought we didn't like them, so they didn't !like us.. The Key party thought we didn't like them, so they didn't like us. Pretty soon even us didn't like us. So 'Collegian has decided upon a new political policy. No longer will we "besmirch campus poli ties," no longer will we accuse political parties of graft, no longer will we attack party platforms. iiNo, 'Collegian will leave campus politics alone. (If you believe this, you are crazier than we ere.) • Collegian has decided that there are more im portant things to slam on campus than politics. Besides, elections are over anyway. Leaves us turn to the Independent Student Committee and their supny Flop. They are igoing to have 20 booths for fraternities, and 10 for in dependents. Obviously, this is unfair. Instead of just 20 booths for fraternities, they should all be ior fraternities. That's what IFC did 'for their pledge dance. Mystery Solved . Long ago, half forgotten in the dim and misty past, a crime occurred on the campus of our be -o.oved college. It was not so much of a crime as it was a national institution. Some people may dis agree with this point of view. But we do not. • The other day we read of a case where a mur der was solved after an eight year investigation. That gives us two more years to take care of this Unfinished stuff. Collegian has taken up the torch of truth and is determined to get to the bottom of this foul mystery. We shall not fail. Dupee, as his friends balled him, was a good .Toe. People used to come up to him on the street and say, "Hello, Dupee. You'r a good ..1 . 1.T0.' This is unvarnished fact. Dupee, as his friends called him, was a hot man in the PSCA? People used to come up to him on the street and say to him. (Betcha you can't guess What they said to him.) It was, "Dupee, you're a . gOod Joe, but how come you ain't been over to 11-lillel lately?" Roger was a real pal. You've seen how people used to always !come up to him on the street and say, Well, 'after his murder people didn't do this . osy more. It had become increasingly more diffi cult to get a word out of the old boy. This, however, was not his fault. He had been oworn to secrecy by the campus cops, not to di vulge a word to anyone about anything because they hadn't figured out yet just which one of the 3500 or so women who had so foully used him was responsible 'for his death. Now that all these women are gone, it is safe to reveal that the final licks, the last damaging blows, were inflicted by none other., than, Cow slip Dream Sue . . . star milk giver it the college balms. This gives rise to the suspicion that dirty work was afoot. it was a 'hcit night as they, went walking down the Malls. And as Dupee, as his friends call ed him bent over to extract a glass of fresh milk, Cowslip, thinking him a bit too &onward, stepped on his head, thus bringing to a close the most pro mising career on campus. We print this only in the interest of other young and promising male 'students wha may, now that the weather is 'turning warmer, feel tempted to trip a ga.votte or two 'across the green with a fair fresh maiden. Beware the sad end of Roger Dup ):ee Dumont, and protect your head when you lean THE COLLEGIAN "Tor A Better Pena State- Published every. Tuesday and Friday morning dur. ing the regular College year by the staff of the Daily Collegian of the Pennsylvania State College. Entered as recond class matter July 5, 19?.., at. the State College, Pa Post Office under the act of Marc Subscriptions' by mail at $1 as emester. /Editor in Chief Business Manager :Forest Chime Bubbles Baby Editor in Chief _— Forest Chime Co -Managing Editors _ Advertising Manager EDITORIAL STAFF News Editor—Barbara Ingrown ; Feature Editor—James. Willbutst ; Photo Editor—Gwynneth Timmith ; Sports Edi tor—Admiral Dreaindust ; Women's Editor—Lord No; Cir culation Managers—Some Heel ; Assistant Advertising Han tiger-13 ig Deal - Senior Bored—Pray Tell Luscious Lois Darks. Junior Board—ickey Ruts, Larry Lost-her, Synn Jacobs daughter Corny Wheatfield Ynette Lunntwist, Mother Mc- Cauley, K. Mick Cormick, Ducey Felting, and Truth Fisher man. STAFF THIS ISSUE Head Fool James Wil'burst .Gold Star Janitor ----- _—_---_----_ Ducey Fifing Assistant Gold Star" _ - Lushous Lois Barks Chief Cook and BottleWafibe;' -- ---- Squirrely Hyons Monday, April 1, 1946 Business Manager Bubbles Baby _ Audrey Zoiback, Gorgeous Sample • • Bangs Sankus A Sweet and Gentle Look . EverYthing is fine in the Nittany Valley today. Happy students are joyfully wending their way to classes. Birds are singing the beau tiful carols of Spring. Grass is bursting from the frozen belnd of earth where cruel Winter has held it for long and wretched, months. Even the little lambs are gamboling on the greensward, friSking their cute little tails in the air. Daffodils nod their lovely yellow heads in the sweet zephyrs that caress the campus with soft and silent fingers. All is peace and queit. dignity and drowsiness. Nowhere is there strife for one to rave about. Politics is wonderful, Pifford Cladmans is wonderful, registra tion is wonderful, even the Bull osopher is wonderful today. All 'the Little Thetta's are sweet and innocent today. All the little fraternity boys are faultless ,geli'- tlemen. All the little waitresses, in the Corner noom come running to serve one. But I shall n'ot take it upon myself to criticize anyone today. For in the Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to what he's been working on all year, and I am content. This is it; the Mine when mayhem stalks abroad in the guise of love. The time •of weakness and delicious , •yiekling among the . verdant night-grasses of Hort Woods. This is the time of Campus pa- Penn Statements • Now that."ru,shing" is a thing of the past, there is a remarkable change in the appearance of sorority women. (Have you ever seen then look so healthy, run around in such a spritely•manner, or•converse in such stimulating tones. We hear that •Hepsibah Shtunic„ down at the. Showa Betta Thign house, was so rested and rarin' to go, after she bade her last coke date a fond !farewell, that she cantered up to 'the track and rushed around' it three times. Then too there's the -rushee who liked all. the coke dates, bridge games; and parties so much that she decided not to join sorority. She figured she'd rather be rushed again next season. • BOW WOW Speaking of liking things, , we, know of a campaign manager :who, operated during the recent ele,C lions free-for-all. Now, . that it's all over, he is bored . and distontented. No more hand-shaking,. 110 more kissing pretty babies—his life is at a stand-still. At present, he's 'con.. con sidering ideas for a new campaign just so that he can get back into the swing of things. On the top of his list of bright suggestions is election of the "canine - cuttie of State College." Now he's learning to bark so that he'll be able to speak the language of the people. A girl we know isn't quite up on her athletics or else she's under . the influence of golfen thusiasts. At any rate, she frequently can be heard 'bragging in the Corner Room or some other likely spot Letters to the Editor ..euueSppod -- ~31uptupatimuono ue TIMIS `oomoos - .toppnb tionsi `aptipme elqupfdsoll E ROES 131M03 I anew aanau `mom aauao3 aust. oPlua, '2luTpuelslno Apepuopped eau saoupd auma ..Alpuotas ppe eau slump:maul pue `asTpueqpioaut yo Siapen sp aoaq4 'mop axe sa3pad •ppasood psnc PuTI I ` Txmol .10J se Puy aaeo a sp dItDEPTIOIJJ E tlamsr auo pnyypneaq u sr sipaq,p, aqp true suddem att . } uoorafaq dpusuoßepao aqy •sesnoti luaaasSip jo . soaquraui uoatmaq 4spca suoplepaa pnyaapozonn porn amsuroixa 49:1 veep alp; p,u -axe sanpuooleas pue sayfrodoos •aortpid aqq. our .supoolcua oonett Slopeuosoad pue swop se sup.g e ipans -- Smlcto opt; uo Apoond paeuputou sicem - le axe EaE.Nputo • Sppuopas Xoan nu eau' sapped uwq jo soot:view pue 5a14,3e4 wootl4-pno se --gum Hans ou sT oaotu •opeps d e opu una ICHavypineect an samod • •sporopms sn ppo opuoapps -UO3 os ppe ao,Aot.pp puv . - pop at{ auo pup e pou.—snopanautu OJE °Jog ssood atpy • , uppsooopup pue MOLL 'I.IIIr4OILEOS pue-pcou otpl p.a snopxue os Wj asnepaq auo uano.rta pps o 4 poet/ 41 puTy --,fluneuroses os pre ale sassepD •umop MN JO aaappop sup pippin& suoani. 2uppp Sue pups op apqg uaaq 4,uanomp I eaotp soave ,utas atm). pm' 'awls OJOLT OJE slump pnjaapuoitt Mott nolf 'RI op, sl l ll a 4 ISMAI lsnc I oopTpa "aeacE. THE COLLEGIAN rolmen. carrying flashlights and breaking up my little games there in the darkness of the gollcourse. GAfter all, gentlemen, every one is entitled to a (little after-dinner entertainment. Why be such old fuddy duddies?) See how! nice I just was to the campus cops? . I didn't even call them any nasty .names. Boy, Spring is an awfully dull season. I'm 'calming down to a swift crawl. Never More shall I lash out at anSnohe or anything on campus. For the last time I 'have let fall My. specially sharpened axe upon the innocent necks of chance vic 'tints. Finally it has come to This. I am finished. The wiles and charms of Spring, couvled with the enticing smile of a maiden fair, have drained dry my vitriolic pen and left. me flat and harm less. This is theend. (This is also .the most gigantic mess of borscht yet written. Aprille Poole, Kiddies!) By JAMES WILLBURST iliottt' her ability to bo - syl under 100: In. Spring With the Avieather warm and the flowers beginning to take a peak, students seem to be more and more eager to attend classes-and increase their supply of ictiowl edge: As IWickadel .Clauderbuck puIS it,* "These wondeiful days juSt give me an undying thirst for more education. an Spring, my thoughts turn to studies." Guess that expresses it for 'all of us. 'People sometimes question us as to whether everything used in this column is true. TIN seems a per fect time to answer - these Skeptics. Of course everything is true; we wouldn't ;for a minute attempt to deceive the Penn State students. On our girl scout's honor, we an sure you that it is true. If you still doubt us, check with Hepslbah and Wickadel _(the latter can be found in. the 7 colirbarn where 'She finally found a stall). We're sure they'll testifyaa to our reliability. .LEMITER to the editor My Dear Editor, , We have been told by Various peoples supposed to be important that the Collegian is a paper re presentative of the campus 'and its activities. It has come to my attention that you have forgotten a lew imortant and signiAgant eventi - in the' last issue, which I feel obligated to bring to your at etntion: This is' be kind to 'Wander- Mg: dogs and s:ecordian polayers week; N,ok mention ,m.ade of .this.. - It rated at least a' front-Page. eiihteolumn - spreaci 'in the Goo-- hers Vill - Daily Mini?, and Colle gian ignored it entirely. For shame! ' • 2. B. Niasb.Carrol, sophomore C and F; broke all the spoils re cords of the country last Wednes-! day by Shooting a paper wad 300 feet with his trusty rubber band. What a sports , stafif! 3. Professor Lmxcve gave an .important speedh on the .impor tance of new rate holes in the post-war home. How can a paper f a College, representative of American thinking youth let such an item go by-Are you politically blind, dealf, and dumb? I shall continue my complaints to the unhearing, Stupid staff yOu mend yoUr ways, and give' us the BIG news. . • Al 'Ways Griping' Chairman • Give. Collegian Coanimittee Off The Record By AUDREY ZWIBACK Battle of the Bands winner, Sick Splurge arid his herd received a bid' to play at Carnegie Hall, N. Y., next week. They received a telgram front Andreko Solidjiveinski, 'conduc tor of the New York Phildishar , . monic Orchestra, telling them to be at the joint ready to play by 8 p. m. sharp (or flat). The band will open its concert with Good wig von Latelovin's "Fifth Symphony," better knoWn'to college students as "Good-Heav; ens, How . I Hate That Classical Stuff." During intermission the r ; .r.~..~ ~ j: band :will' sell - peanuts in the 10 7 by to pay for travelling expeni?es .case hiking facilities' are not available. • The ''ClOsini . . number of the program will. be, a Concerto writ-' ten by Mr. Splurge entitled Ha, .We're -Bet ter than the Camlpus Owls:" Two new nurribers---really solid—hit the, re cord world this week .(and they'll prObably -bounce right liack.) Mes s Clown introduces his stirring rendition of "I Don't Want To Love yq,A, Your Father - Has A Shotgun," and Lankie Swborr atra introduces a tear-jerking version of "I Cried For You When You Walked: Off With My Fra ternity, -Pin." Some•of the popular numbers currently, heard . on vies throughout the nation are "I Surrender, Dear," or. `.. 9 lAut, Down That Club And I'll. Take, You to the Bunny HOp;" "Day. by Day 7-4 ly .I\ll - rks Get Lower;" "Give Me the Simple I.4ife,", dedicated to_ L. A., majors; `-`Tonight I Shall - Sleep," or "Why Do I Play Bridge Till 2 A. M.?" A brand new. abuart Of Heevunt - Faster records is now on the market. !Featured' in this •Insb. set is "Jeannie With the Light Grown ,Hair," commonly known as "She Used To Be A Br*. ette;" "My Old Kentucky Home—ls Better Than the Rat Hole I'm Living In Now;" "Beautiful Dreamer," 'well known to, all students who ha:Ve 8 o'ciccks; and "Camptown Races," or "Why. Did I Bet Five Bucks On That Nag." Note: The_ aboiret picture of Mr. Splurge was taken - white the -, artist perfonrned the iamazing fsah of playing the zither. while stan4ing on his head'. • Punch Lines -By GEORGE SAMPLE It is a physical impossibility, to put six column inches of type into a space . where there is room for only four. Lead type cannot be squeezed,. pushed; twisted or otherwise misshapen. The New York Times , can't do it; neither . can The Collegian.. This simple law of some • Science or the other, of which a Liberal Arts student would know, nothing, accounts for. the.cloud,of, i confusiOn. 'that: surrcund last • weeks article concerning the Battle bf The Bands. . • ' If you are . in doubt about the article' in ques tion, slip into the bathroom andr . get last week's Collegian. It's pfabably lying on top of — the Sears .and' Roebuckcatalog. - Under the sub-head Business Ethics, you can find the article Which infers that the wrong band won the contest. This misconception occured,. because of the simple law stated before, YOU CAN'T SQUEEZE TYPE. • • For the benefit of the dear, sweet and gentle readers who have written me during the past week concerning the artiole, I shall now print the portion which:was cut, DUE TO THE LIM ITATIONS OF SpACTE ? „ (I had . spingthing else written in place'cif the, above lines but the - laws of obscenity won't. allow them to be pririted3 -I'd like to print the article exactly as it w.a* written be'fore but I cant find the old eopy. never save it from week to weele—a stand the smell of it either. - • The part which was never printed stated: It is poor business ethics of a group to sparisor . a . contest and pick a Winner among two bends which are competing against each other.,: It is - poor business ethics and it does not aid ccTIPe tition among the bands. That's something the Penn State campus could use. What waS printed before the above matter still stands. This writer does believe that a Battle of the Bands could have, been handled more adept ly. A much more deniocratie way to have hand led the affair would have beeh on a plan similar to that Used by 'the Collegian in pre-war days. In this way both bands would have been given a publicity build-up through the Co,l2legian columns. No winner was ever picked in a Collegian Battle of Bands but the individual.groups ultion through publiej dityrctrit numbers "on their program. 1!!!TI=11:1=1 MONDAY, APRIL 1,1.946
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers