. . . • . - . . ......... . -, , . , , !. '; .+. : . •.. . . , . ~ . . ~ ' • -.. , .. . . . , . . , .. . , . • , . I • . . . . t . . . • MI .. . _ .. . . . ..,, • . . .. I . • I •. • . t ,, ; , 11 0. '• : 4 1d -: . . .. .... •... . -, . 11: ::' ' 7 , . , ~. ... . . . . ~ .' . I . ' ; : • ... , ' ' •••.._ 4 • i .. .... - . ...- .. . 0 • . . , . .* • . . , . i ' ;' ' - . . . • .: ' 4 • , , . .r. \ . , _ . . . , , . . , __..... . BY BLAIR. VOLUME 27. tint fp otirg. +,?„, • •: • • MODERN LOVE STORY. TIE. "Although no fame Exalts my name, And far from rich I am," If you'll have me We'll happy be, 'As happy-as a clam." "Pray dry your tears And calm your fears, For you shall marry rue; - And you and_l-- Will go and try 'A cottage by the sea." "Don't tell 'your dad ! He'd be so mad, • . . citiou-up. pon-hoi 'ly thou with me, And 'spliced' we'll be In 'the church round the corner." — "All right—my boy I — llly - hope ! - my joy - l That's just what we will do. Papa may rage, But I'm of age, 'l'll paddle my own canoe"' HE. "Prepare for - flight -•-- This very night While your •stern parent' dozes, I cannot wait I want my mate,. And 'love among the roses." Come up the walk At twelve o'clock, .And bring a rope-ladde; too. But dear, look out; If Pa's about He'll 'put a tin ear on you." "When all is done And we are one, My angel with golden locks! . We will—Egad!. palr dad Till hi •Lon.e., 4.:(AvAtt ecek.6.4 "Alao 1 dear Joe! You eu not know What l'.(pa told me this noun This •Pattie'--dear— His wealth, I fear, llus gone 'up in a balloon.'" "Thedeuee then we Can't married be, ' "There'd be no 'grub' on the shelf, 1 love you sol But still—you know— 'You know how it is your::elf.'" "You loved I see, Itly wealth—not me; Now take your 'title' and go I told you a lie, Your love to try ; lkly money is •not for Joe.' 11101:AL "When on a maid A game you've-pl.•ayed, Just look out for 'tit for tat.' `As sure as a gun,' The innocent one Knows`a trick worth a couple of that!" —Salem Obserrer. Discellauteus . ;ii, eadin,g. PHILOPENA. ITS ORIGIN-A BEAUTIFUL Sioux. There was otte a beautiful princess who had a great fondness for almonds, and ate them constantly, but nothing would induce her to marry, and in order to rid herself of her suitors, of whom there wete a great number, she invented the tidlowing device: To every prince who sought her hand, she presented the half of a double almond, while the ate the other half, and said ; 'lf your lordship can succeed in getting me to take any thing from your hand betitre I:say the word 'I remember,' then I am ready to become your bride. But if, on the con trary, you receive anything from me, without thinkiug to speak these words, then you must agree to have your hair shaven entirely oil' your head and leave the , kingdom: • This, however, was an artful stratagem, for, according to the court custom no one dared to hand anything directly to the princess, but; first to the court lady who then offered it to her. But if,on the other band, the princess should desire to givo or take-anything—who could refuse her? So it was useless for :ter suitors to make the trial, for when they seemed likely to be teccessfu , and had diverted the prin. cesslso that she was about to take some thing from them, the court lady always stepped between,aud spoiled the best laid plan. When the princess wished to disrose of one of thew, she would appear so charm mud: encouraging to him, that he would be entirely fascinated,and wbeu-he sat at her' feet,' •overcome with joy, she said as though' by accident:. 'Take this AR' a rementbraneewofme, and 'when' he itad it his - hawis,liefora he could think i or speak the necessary cvords,there would spring out at him,from it, perhaps a frog 1 or a hornet, or a bat, and so startle him that he would forget the words.' Then, upon the spot,' he was shaven, and away with him. 'lbis went on fur some year,, and in all the palaces of the other king doms the princes wore ' wigs. Thus' it came to be the custom from that time. Filially it. happened that a —foreign prince came upon some peculiar business. He thought her very beautiful, and at once perceived the stratagem. A friendly little gray man had given him an apple that once a year lie was privileged to smell, and then there came in his mind a very wise idea, and he had become much 'renowned on account of his deep wisdom. Now,it was exact y time for him to make use of his apple. So,with tht scent from it came this warning: `lf thou wouldst-win in "the game of giving and taking,under no circumstances - -must thou either give or take, anything.' So he had his hands bound in his belt, and went with his marshal to the palace, and asked to be allowed to eat his al mond. The princess was secretly much pleased with him, and immediately hand ed him an almond. which his marshal , took pl,--ed — l5 tai 1F and placed in his mouth. _ tie prin ceis inquired what this meant, and more over,why he constantly carried his hands in his girdle. He replied that at his court the custom was even more strongly enforced than — nt hers, and he dared not to give or take anything withhis hands,,,at the most,wiTh only his head and feet. Then the princess laughed and said: • `in this case we will never be able to have our little game together.' He sighed and answered : _ 'Not unless you will be.pleased _to take Something from my boots.' . 'That can never happen I' exclaimed the whole cool t. 'Why have you come hither?' asked the princess angrily, 'when you have such stupid customs?' 'Because you are so beautiful,' replied the prince, 'and if I cannot win you I may at least have the pleasure of seeing you.' 'On the other hand, I have no similar gratification,' said she. So the prince remained at the palace and he pleased her more and more, but when the humor seized her, she tried in every manner to persuade him to take his hands from the girdle, and receive some thing from her. Shy also entertained him charmingly, and freqeently oil;Ted him flow; rs,bou buns and trinket , , and finally bracelet , ., but not once di l lie Curt:let and stretch out ha hand to take thcm,tor the pressure or the sir 11 , reminde.l him in time. ahe wouhl noel to his marshal, and he received them, saying: 'We re unlnber.' Then the princess would become impa tient and would exclaim : 'My hand ki-r -chief has fallen I ('an your lordship ph-h it up fOr me?' Wh•rimpon the' prinCe would flisten his spur into it. and wave' it carelessly, while the princess would have to bend and remove it from his foot, ang rily saying, 'I remember:, Thus a year passed away;and the grin cess said to herself: 'This eannot remain so. It must be settled in one way or the other: She said to the prince: 'I have one of the finest gardens in the wor'd. I will show your lordship over it tthday.' The prince smelt his apple, and as they entered the garden, said: "It is very needful here, end in order that we may walk near (salt other-in peace and not be disturbed by the desire to try our game, I beg you my lady that Pm this one hour you may take upon you the custom of my court and let your hands also be fastened: Then we will be safe from each other's art, and there will be nothing to annoy us." The princess did not feel very safe a bout this arrangement, but he begged so strongly that she could not refuse him this small fitvor. So they- went on alone together,with there hands - fattened in their girdles. The birds sang, the suri shone warmly,a.nd from the tress the red cherries hung so low that they brushed-their cheeks as they passed. The pin ess saw them and exclaimed. "What a pitty that your lordship is not able to pick a few for me?" "Necessity knows no law,"said the prince, and he broke one of the cherri s with his teeth from a branch, and offered it to the princess from his mouth. The princess could not do otherwise than received it from his mouth, and so her face was brought close to his. So when she had the 'cherry between her lips, 'and a kiss from him besides, she was not able to say that instant, 'I remember.' Then he cried joyfully, 'Good morning, much loved one,and drew his hands from his girdle and embraced her. And they spent the remainder of their lives togeth er in perfect peace and quietness. • FIGHT ON.-Will you ask from the soldier thrown into till heat of the battle to explain the plan of the general?— If be has done his duty, if he has thrown himself into the struggle, he has only seen the disorder of the charge, the flashing of arms, the clouds of smoke and dust; he has only heard human cries mixed with the deafening sound of artillery. 'To him all was disorder and chaos; but , upon the neighboring heights one eye followed the ciiinbat; oae hand directed the least move ment of the troops: • • Now, my brethren, there is a battle which is pursued through_ the ages. It - is that of trust, of love and justice against error,egotism and iniquity. It belongs not. to us to soldiers _thrown into the fight to direct the contest —it ought to suffice us that Godcondiicts it; it is for us to remain at the — post "be evenlasi and tosqugglo . there even to the cad; • A FAMILY NEWSPAPER-DEVOTED TO LITERATURE, LOCAL AND GENERAL . . The Reading Eagle ; publishes the fol lowing as a sample of the 'style of letters" which some of the girls of that 'city re ceive It says the letter was written by one George 11. Steward, a drummer stop ping at Harrisburg, and is dated May 13. just received reads : My Sweet Darling Alice, 1 received your loving letter a few moments since and I hasten to answer 'it. How happy I was to get your darling missive and know that you were well and happy. Your dear kind words made quite an im pression on me, for you know how dearly and tenderly I love you, my own precious darling Allie. You speak of me forgetting you. Why how absurd to entertain such an idea thr a single moment! You know I can nev er forget you, no, not while life remains. You are the bright particular star that leads me on to fame_and_fortune..___Ma_. your star never fade, but always remain bright and-beautiful as it now is for your loving George. Oh, my sweet, darling angel Alice ! how I have learned to love you ! and how I would love to be near you, that I might look up into your smil ing face and imprint a host of kisses on •our loutinT li i i s. Oh Pet lam so sor- ry I left you at all ! Ido wish I had brought you with me,tbr lam lonely . and melancholy without you, and often sigh for your bright, cheerful company, and your sweet, clear laugh so childlike, art less2and_full,,of_innecent mirth and hap piness, which made me feeLso_happy_to_ be in your charming society. You say my Pet that you would like to have my photograph, well my angel, you shall have it, for you are the only one I truly and faithfully love; and I will do or dare anything in this world for you my sweet pet. I wish you were here. The city is beautifully decorated with flags and arches and wreaths of evergreen. It looks levely and I know that your young and loving nature would appreci ate all such grand sights. There is a mil itary reunion here, everything is full of life and the procession was grand and im posing, 5 bands of music. Well my own Sweet Darling send me your picture in your next letter. Get that one you were speaking about some one having and send it to me, do, won't you, my charmer 9 I know you cannot say no to one you love so dearly as you do your Darling George. 0 dearest ! how I love you and long to see you. Write a long letter; tell me all - the news, won't you sweet Allie ? Well, Darling, I must say good-bye the 'the present. Dear, it is so hard to part from you that I feel almost sad when I write to you and have to stop so soon ; but the time will soon come when we will not separate, and we can revil in each other's love, and linger long in each other's society. 0 Pet, don't you long for that, happy time? I must say that I do. Well Alice, he good to yourself,. do as I have told you, and ycu will be happy. May heaven bless,you and make a land, good girl of you. I think of you daily and nightly.. Accept my fondest love and best wishes, .and a basket of kisses, from your darling, loving George. Pet, write just as soon as you receive this, direct to Harrisburg as before. Igo from here to-morrow to' Lancustor, Columbia and York and then back to Harrisburg. Bye, bye, sweetest,,llluidest, Angel Alice. From yours most Jokingly. Pet, I ani so glad you did not gt# scolded, and was borne in time. Pet, write immediately. Excuse this business-paper. GEORGE H. STEWARD, "Harrisburg, Pa. The above sickly affair is what induced a young girl to leave her home. Any girl with the least common sense would have torn that letter up and regarded it so much stuff and nonsense. It was written by oneof those insi nuating,smooth-tongued drummers, and there con be no question that he wrote the, letter simply to bum boozle the poor girl and leave her under the impression that he was dead in love with her. And the confiding girl believ ed it all, read it over a hundred times probably aid imagined herself the very idol of a person mho, in reality, may be nothing more than a deceiving Scoundrel of the very worst sort. WESLEY'S SWEETHEART.-4 celebrat ed Methodist divine made up his mind at one time to marry Miss Sophia Hopkey, the daughter of a Magistrate, who was young and pretty,with whom he was very much enamored. The elders opposed his marriage, and advised him to proceed no further in the matter. "The Lord's 'will be done," said Wesley,:but he was in a sore strait. The young lady, piqued at his behavior, married very hastily a Mr. William Williams, thoagh Wesley at the last begged her to marry him. The wed ding took place on the 12thA of March, 1742. In his journal he writes : "March 4 —On this day God commanded me to pull out my right eye, and by His grace I determined to de so; but, being slack in the execution, on Monday, March 12, God being very merciful to rue;my friend perfi rmed what I could not. What Thou doest, 0, God! I know not now, but shall know herea.ter." About this time, and doubtless in reference to this transac tion, Wesley wrote the well-known hymn beginning: Is there a thing beneath the sun That strives with Thee my-heart to share? Oh, tear it thence, and reign alone The Lord of every motion there.' Wesley saw the old love wl►eu he was 85 years old, and she past 70. What could they have to say except "Hail" and _"Farewell2" Habit is a cable ; we weave a thread of it etery day, and tit last we cannot break • . 'Patience is a flower that grows not in every one's garden. ORO';FRAMMIN COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, : JUNE 18, 1874. A Gushing Epistle. U CUM Ea My mother's voice! how often creep Its cadence on my lonely hours! Like healing Pent on wings of sleep, Or dew to the unconscious flowers. I might forget her melting prayer, While pleasure's pulses madly fly, But in the still, nnbr Ikon air, Her gentle tones come stealing by, And years of sin and manhood flee, And leave me at my mother's knee. The book of nature, and the print Of beauty on the whispering sea, Give still to me some lineament Of what I have been taught to be. My heart is harder, and perhaps My manliness has drank up tears, And there's a mildew in the lapse Of a few miserable years : But nature's book is even yet With all my mother's lesson writ. I have been out at eventide, Beneath a moonlight sky of spring When earth was garnished like a bride, And night had on her silver wing; When bursting buds and diamond grass, And waters leaping to the light, 1 that malarthewlses pars With fleetness, thronged the night, When all was beauty, then have I, - With friends on whom my love is flung, Like myrrh on wings of Araby, Gazed up where evening's lamp is hung— And - when the beauteous spirit there Flung over me its golden chain, My mo;her'a voice came on the air Like the light dropping of the rain ; And resting on some silver star, The spirit of a beaded knee, I've poured her deep_and fervent prayer, That our eternity might be— .To rise in heaven like stars at night,. And tread a living path of light. Woman's Inhumanity to Her Sex. There is much food for reflection in the following questions and answers : "Who hits a woman when sne is down ?" 'Why, another woman.'"‘lVl.o keeps her down?" "Why, another woman." That's so. If women were as severe upon men who transgress the boulds of morality and de cency as they are upon transgressions of their own sex, we should have speedily in augurated a reform in society that would be worth a thousand midnight missions or Rosine Associations. Women are like crows—we. hope the ladies will pardon us for this comparison—but it is a truthful one, even. if it is not tasteful. We say women are like orows. One of their num ber falls wounded by sin, and she is im mediately set upon and torn to pieces.— The doors of respectable associations are closed upon her. The virtuous female turns from her with loathing and disgust. Even the common sympathy of human na ture is denied her. No help for the sin ning women. No help! • But what of the man who has wrought this poor creature's ruin, and who has led her steps into the paths. of folly and Sin ? Is he tabood by women generally? There are noble women who would scorn to meet on any terms the man through whose in strumentality an unsuspecting sister has fitllen. But, alas, how rare such instances! The most licentious men we ever knew— andwith their licentiousness well known to the world—were the men upon whom we have seen virtuous women lavish their sweetest smiles. They had ready access to the very hearthstones of households where the presence of a woman waul'l have been regarded with as much alarm and horror as that of one plague-smitten. Oh, the cruelty and injustice to woman.— "Man's inhumanity to man make count less thousands mourn." What of woman's inhumanity to woman ? Good Thoughts. To wipe all tears from off all faces is a task too hard for mortals ; but to elevate misfortune is within the must liinitea power. Six things temper the hardships of this life—good diet, a kind friend, a faithful wife, an obedient tongue,and a wise head. Pleasure is. necessary reciprocal; no one feels who dues not at the same time give it. To be pleased one must please. What please y u in others will iu 6e feral please them in you. • lie who would pass the declining years of his life with honor and comfort should when young consider that he may one day become old,and remember when he is old that he has once been young. Ii any man thinks it, a. small matter, or of mean concernment to bridle his tongue, he is inistakenfor it is a point to be silent, when occasion require, and bet ter than to speak, though ever so well. It is a mistake to expect to recover welcome, hospitality, words of cheer and help over rugged and difficult passes in life, in return for cold selfishness which cares for nothing in the world but self: THE Lmox ON THE Aar:.—The one lesson that Young America needs to-day more than all others,is to check his desires for wealth and power. The country has passed its speculative period when large timunes are made in, a day or year, and when large incomes are obtained. The r.ext generation must expect smaller in comes end consequently must adapt itself to more frugal expenditures. Hereafter, bread must be won by work, and no field offers so sure a return for toil as intelli gent:agriculture. We do not declare that a general rush to the • dosolate farms of our State will afford a complete solution of the present business • crisis, but if the tide of people rushing cityward could be turned back to feed themselves and others - front the farm; the result would give new life to all branches of industry. Wanted—"STA . MPS" at this office. The Mother in Heaven. In turning over some old papers in a country attic some time since, I came a cross the following sentiments. which, 'from some hints by the author accompa nying, I think he intended eventually to put into verse. They struck me even in prose,as expressing the cry from so many hearts,that I have ventured to copy them and scud them to you. hoping that you way find a place fin. them in your paper: When the heart is oppressed with anx ious cares, when the world looks cold and drear, when black di-appointments hang heavy round our necks, and we hunger after a love that seems ever to recede, whither do our souls turn for succor? To that mother in Heaven who never failed es while here. When our hearts ache to find ourselves . no longer needed to partake in the pleas ures of our children—scarcely welcome even to share in_their_sorrows;_rheu.cold_ duty takes the place of the heart's offer ings in sickness or suffering, to whom do we cast our eyes upwards, thinking, oh, sere she here whom should we find ever at our side? Our mother in Heaven. When those we love have gone astray, . ge—fails_to—express—the—bitte shame; when the little feet whose first tot tering steps we have uphe d, or .watched through the firmer strider t of youth and manhood, have turned into devious paths, heedlees of entreaty or prayer, whither do we turn, longing to rest our weary heads on=the bosom that — everanswered -our-cry fur sympathy? The mother in Heaven. When years have passed, and we are left alone, children gone, some separated by seas and .mountains, others by the greater distance of coldness or forgetful ness, whose voice then comes back to us with - the loving tones we vaii ly long to. hear once more? The dear mother in Heaven. Is not the wish wrung from us, that once'again we were children to be clasped in that warm embrace? Do.not the bitter tears come as we remember how unmind ful we were of the rich motherly blessiugs while we had them? Oh, ye ..ho still have mothers to feel for you in tour joys or your sorrows, re member,however your hearts may change, theirs never do; the mother's heart is the one thing that never grows old. Amid the trials that must be our portion in this world, a good Bdiig has sent to all one blessing—one love purer than all others. Happy are those who, with anguish arid remorse, do not have to say—it is our mother in Heaven. LIFE IN THE COUNTRY.—If diAponten ted farmers, fiirmers . wives, sons and daughters, who think the delights of city life something worth realizing could walk through our streets to-day and read one thousandth part of the misery and appre hension that haunt the hearts of all classes and are making lines on their faces, they would thank God for the peaceful seclu sion and abundance gathered in the gar ners of their homes. Thousands of men and women are at the beginning of win ter suddenly thrown out of employment, Few, comparatively, of these have aught laid up iu store. Young women flock through the streets with restless, eager, anxious eyes, with lips quivering with fear lest they, foil to obtain employment that shall give them food and shelter.— Boys and girls of the country! he grate ful tier plenty and shelter. You will, perhaps, never know how to value it un til you want and cannot get either. How many of these in the city are country horn ; and how many would gladly go back to the homesteads for refuge, and yet may not have the means to get there! Farmers! thank God for the harvests, and that you have unsold food for your families ! You have reason Lo! Tau Poow INDIAN.—There was something touching in the allUsion made the other day by Colonel Boudinot (an Indian) in his speech before the House Committee on Territories in advocacy of the organization of the Territory of Okla homa. Alter referring to the franchises granted to the blacks, and to the remark able spectacle recently Exhibited in the House, of Representatives, when an en franchised African was called by the Speaker to preside_ temporarily over that body, Colonel - Boudinot said, " W hat a commentary upon the doctrine of equality and civil rights. Everybody seems to be invested with the legacy of equal rights in this 'Land of the free and home of the brave,'• except the original owner of the country. He alone is an alien iu the laud of his birth." SEA-BinDs.—Pasiengers on ocean steam ers find considerable amusement inwatch: ing "Mother Carey's chickens." The birds inveriably follow in the wake of the ves sels for the refuse that is thrown overboard, and often, in • their greediness, come near the screw. They have been known to fol low steamers for hundreds of miles, rest occasionally on the top of the water or at night on the mast-head. Sometimes passengers attempt to shoot them, but no one has ever been known to hit the awkwardlooking but graceful birds. Sailors consider them ominous, and are opposed to the shooting. They have a peculiar cry and beautifulwing which many a young lady passenger has wished she bad in her hat. The popular superstition regarding the days on which it is unlucky t b o cut finger nails is expressed in an old rhyme thus: Cut them on Mondav,ent them for wealth; Cut them on Tuesday cut them nor health; Cut them on- Wednesday,ent them fornevrs; Cut them on Thurdays, a nev ! • pair shoes; Cut them on Fridav,you'll cut them for woe; Cut them on Saturday, a journey to go ; Cut them on Sunday,you'll cut them PT evil. For all the next week you'll be ruled by devh.. , . Pay your debts when you hare Drying up a Yankee. Did you ever come across one of the peculiar Connecticut, Yankees who would talk everlastingly, guess at wore things, and ask more questions than there is hair on a cat's back ? I presume you hav s, but don't suppose you ever heard one dried up quicker and more effectually than Dave Larkin done it last summer, while on the road froth Snake River Falls to Oak Ridge Centre. Dave Larkin is a stage-driver, and has as much dry humor in his make-up as almost any one you meet. The Yankee took an inside seat at the Falls, and having talked two of the pas sengers to sleep and tired out the third one so that he could not answer his que?- tions,got upon the outside at the Post office Station to take a ride with Larkin. 'For one hour his incessant tongue run like the needle of a sewing -machine, and Dave _being ratlier_slow at -replies,—the. Yankee had to answer more than one-half his own questions. At last the stage-driver, completely, worn out with his insatiate g abble, point.' ed to a neat log house by th e side of the road : ‘Theres-been-a—woma, ' house for more than five weeks, and they !lain% buried her 'Hain't hurled her yet?' exclaimed the excited Yankee. 'You don't tell me so. What on earth might the reason be?' `She an't dead yet,' calmly responded arkin. This dried the Yankee up. Welsh Triads. There are three things that never be come rusty-•the Money of the beneVolent, the shoes of the butcher's horse, and a Voinan's tongue. • Three things not easily done—to allay thirst with fire, to dry wet with water, to please all in everything that is done. Three things that are , as good as the best —brown bread in famine, well•water in thirst, and a great coat in Cold. Three things ;s good as their better— dirty water to extinguish the fire, a home ly wife to a blind man, and a wooden sword to a coward. The warnings from the grave—"thou knowest what I was, thou seest what I urn; remember what thou art to be." Three things of ,short continuance—a lady's love, a chip fire, and a brook's flood. . ' Three things that ought never to he from home—the cat, the chimney and the housewife, Three things seen in the peacock—the garb of an angel, the walk of a thief, and the voice of the devil. Three things it is unwise to boast of— the flavor of thy ale, the beauty of thy wife, and the contents Of thy purse. Three miseries of a man's house —a smoky ( Idinney, a dripping roof, and a scolding wife. The signal failure of the Graphic bal loon enterprise of last year, it seems, had a wonderful effect upon Barnum,the great showman. He looked into the project, viewed it with his hopeful eye, and hav ing reached the conclusion that the world did not .believe it could he carried out, resolved to prove that all tlingas under Barnum are possible. He went:to Europe forthwith, and has at length—so he says —completed his arrangements for the construction of his airship. He now promises that before many months shall elapse, his balloon will make the trip a cross the Atlantic ocean. One day an Irishman was strolling through a field, and observing a flower that pleased his fancy, he was about to pick it,when a bee stung him on the hand, and flew to its hive which was nut far off. Pat watched the bee going in, and then shouted "By the piper that piped before Moses, I'll have revenge ; lifting a stick, he plunged it into the hive,and commenc ed stirring up the bees, which flew out in swarms, and stung him so badly that he soon dropped the stick and ran away.- Sometime afterward, as Pat was saunter ing through the woods, he became tired and sat down on a log to rest himself. At the other end of 'the log there was a June hug, which he noticed crawling toward him. • Instantly jumping up. he exclaim ed, as lie started to run off: "Be jabers, know ye, even if ye have yer overcoat on.' The coolest, larceny on record recently took place in San Francisco: A young .man from the country was riding in a street car, when a man next to him in formed him that the back of his coat was dirty, and kindly offered to brush it; off for him if he would take it off. He hand ed his coat to the accommodating. man, and the latter coolly put it under his arm and left with it. "Agur said, 'Give me neither poverty nor riches ;' and this will ever be • the prayer of the wise. Our incomes should be like our shoes; if too small, they will gall and pinch us, but if too large. they will cause us to stumble and trip. Wealth after all, is a relative thing, since he that has little, and wants less, is richer than he that has much, but wants more. True contentment depends not, upon what we have ; a tub large enough for Dirgenes, but a world was too small for Alekander.' A man who snores was described by his friend the other day as follows: "Snores I Oh, no, I guess not—no name for it.— When you wake up in the morning had find that the house you lodge in has been moved a half a mile by the respiratory vehemence 'of a fellow lodger, you may, get some idea of AG fellow's performance. His landlady gets the house oval back by turning his Bed around." / If a tree were to tweak p window, what would the windowley?Tnee.nrwd-up. 82.00 PER YEAR. Wit and anmor. What were the first words Adam said to Eve? 'Nobody knows. When people hin to urn their dead will they require the dead to earn theirepitaphs. If a man is murdered by his hired man should the coroner render a verdict of "killed by his own hand ?" Why is a Wcyuesboro' milkman like Pharaoh's daughter? Because he takes a little profit out of the water. A New Jersey paper Feasts of a new subscriber one hundred and three years old. We shouldn't call him very new. , Why is a room full of married penile empty? Because there's nota single person in it. What trees are those which, when the fire is applied to them, are exactly what they before? Ashes. • What relation is that child to its father athees-s /I:German being~ ked hoW much san er cfolt he bad tip for winter use, re plied - i: "I've not uch ; leetle more's ,ten parrels, shu for sickness." \...._ An observing man has discovered a similarity between a young ladies' semin ary and a sugar-house,as both refine whit is already sweet. While witnessing a game of base ball out West, a boy wlis struck on the hack of his head, the bawl coming out of his mouth. "Dighv, will you take some of' this but ter?" Thank you, ma'am, I belong to the, temperance society—can't take any thing strong," replied Digby." A Western paper says of the air in its relations to man, "L. kisses and blesses him, but will not obey him." Blribbs says that the description suits his wife es- actly. Coleridge, when lecturing while a young man, was once violently hissed. He im mediately retorted : "When a cold stream of truth is poured on red hot prejudices, no wonder they hiss." .- ik ,eit When ama nearly brakes his neck t s r . ? ing to get out t e way of a "lightning bug," supposing to be the head light of a locomotive, it, ime for him to sign the pledge. ' ....:" If 1011 wish to live to eighty-five, in the full enjoyment of all your faculties, go to bed at nine o'clock,. eat twice a day.mod erately of plain food, and driuk accord ingly. A gentleman having a deaf servant was advised by a friend to discharge her. "No," replied that gentleman with much good feeling, "that poor creature would never hear of another situation." The Philadelphia Star thinks that gen uine love is played out: Humph 1. the old sinner ought to travel th rough • lgiehigan and seee the sparkle of the-eyes ns two lov ers hold the same peppermint loien,ger be tween their teeth. A clergyman being invited to open a legislature with prayer, uttered the fol. lowing ambiguous petition: "Afay corrup tion and sin of every form he as far from every member of this legislature as Thou art.' A zealous but ignorant negro preacher in expounding to his Huck as to the as tounding nature of miracles, got a trifle confuse S.. He said: "My belovd friends the greatest of all miracles was 'bout de loaves and fishes—dere was 5000 loaOs and 2000 fishes and de twelve 'pities had to eat dem all, and de miracle is they didn't bust." "Where was Bishop Latimer burned to death ?" asked a teacher in a command ing voice. "Joshua knows," said a littlegirl at the bottom of the class. "Well," said the teacher, "if Joshua knows he may tell.". . , "In the fire," replied Joshim, looking very grave and wise. Our Devil says he always gets mad when he goes. along the etre ?t, about ten o'clock at night, and passing a shaded porch where a young man is bidding his beloved goodnight, hears the girl ex claim, in a loud whisper, "Oh, stop, Charlts! you haven't shaved?' The wind was damp 'with coming Wet. when James and blue-eyed Lirzie met.; lie held a ginghana ‘ o'er his head, and to the maiden thu: lie said : ! lively girl, my heart's afire with love's tinquelichablo desire; Say, dearcst one; wilt thou be mine, and join' me in 'the gr( wry line. 7' The maid, in accents sweet, replied, 'Jim, hold the umbrella more on my Ade ; my bran new bonnet's getting Viet—lll marry y yer needn'tfret. mneh - tention to letalltitA.aghsh, had a . 1 10 1-sa.. , stolen from hisli4VOne night, wherenpaW he advertised follows .: , • "Von nite,de oder day,, yen Vas , vake in sip , sleep, I he.ar.setnething,9tt I tinks vas not • yust'right to my, barn, and I yust out shumps h 4cl and runs wit de barn out;-and s deretoony,'l.seez dat my pig gray iron haze ; he vas ben ti- - ed loose audrun, mid de stahle,off;#er, 14) viii him 'haelLbring,:l.yust so much pay him a VW , bitt 1 411qt0.11111 1 T.'. -.4 _ 41Iti I 8 3 tilPl
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers