The Waynesboro' village record. (Waynesboro', Pa.) 1871-1900, June 18, 1874, Image 1

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    . . . • . - .
. ......... . -, , . , , !. '; .+. : . •.. .
. ,
. ~ . . ~
' •
-.. , ..
. . . , .
. , .. . ,
. • ,
. I
• .
. . . t
. . . • MI .. . _ .. . . .
• . . ..
I . • I •. •
. t ,, ; , 11 0. '• : 4 1d
-: . . ..
.... •... .
-, . 11: ::' ' 7 ,
. ,
. . . . ~ .' . I . ' ; : • ... ,
' ' •••.._ 4 • i .. .... - .
.. .
• .
. , .
.* • .
. , .
i ' ;' ' - . . . • .: ' 4 • , ,
. .r.
\ . ,
_ . .
. ,
, . . , __..... .
tint fp otirg.
+,?„, • •:
"Although no fame
Exalts my name,
And far from rich I am,"
If you'll have me
We'll happy be,
'As happy-as a clam."
"Pray dry your tears
And calm your fears,
For you shall marry rue;
- And you and_l--
Will go and try
'A cottage by the sea."
"Don't tell 'your dad !
He'd be so mad,
• . . citiou-up. pon-hoi
'ly thou with me,
And 'spliced' we'll be
In 'the church round the corner."
— "All right—my boy I
— llly - hope !
- my joy - l
That's just what we will do.
Papa may rage,
But I'm of age,
'l'll paddle my own canoe"'
"Prepare for - flight -•--
This very night
While your •stern parent' dozes,
I cannot wait
I want my mate,.
And 'love among the roses."
Come up the walk
At twelve o'clock,
.And bring a rope-ladde; too.
But dear, look out;
If Pa's about
He'll 'put a tin ear on you."
"When all is done
And we are one,
My angel with golden locks!
. We will—Egad!.
palr dad
Till hi •Lon.e., 4.:(AvAtt ecek.6.4
"Alao 1 dear Joe!
You eu not know
What l'.(pa told me this noun
This •Pattie'--dear—
His wealth, I fear,
llus gone 'up in a balloon.'"
"Thedeuee then we
Can't married be, '
"There'd be no 'grub' on the shelf,
1 love you sol
But still—you know—
'You know how it is your::elf.'"
"You loved I see,
Itly wealth—not me;
Now take your 'title' and go
I told you a lie,
Your love to try ;
lkly money is •not for Joe.'
"When on a maid
A game you've-pl.•ayed,
Just look out for 'tit for tat.'
`As sure as a gun,'
The innocent one
Knows`a trick worth a couple of that!"
—Salem Obserrer.
Discellauteus . ;ii, eadin,g.
There was otte a beautiful princess
who had a great fondness for almonds,
and ate them constantly, but nothing
would induce her to marry, and in order
to rid herself of her suitors, of whom there
wete a great number, she invented the
tidlowing device: To every prince who
sought her hand, she presented the half
of a double almond, while the ate the
other half, and said ; 'lf your lordship
can succeed in getting me to take any
thing from your hand betitre I:say the
word 'I remember,' then I am ready to
become your bride. But if, on the con
trary, you receive anything from me,
without thinkiug to speak these words,
then you must agree to have your hair
shaven entirely oil' your head and leave
the , kingdom: •
This, however, was an artful stratagem,
for, according to the court custom no one
dared to hand anything directly to the
princess, but; first to the court lady who
then offered it to her. But if,on the other
band, the princess should desire to givo
or take-anything—who could refuse her?
So it was useless for :ter suitors to make
the trial, for when they seemed likely to
be teccessfu , and had diverted the prin.
cesslso that she was about to take some
thing from them, the court lady always
stepped between,aud spoiled the best laid
When the princess wished to disrose of
one of thew, she would appear so charm
mud: encouraging to him, that he
would be entirely fascinated,and wbeu-he
sat at her' feet,' •overcome with joy, she
said as though' by accident:. 'Take this
AR' a rementbraneewofme, and 'when' he
itad it his - hawis,liefora he could think
i or speak the necessary cvords,there would
spring out at him,from it, perhaps a frog
1 or a hornet, or a bat, and so startle him
that he would forget the words.' Then,
upon the spot,' he was shaven, and away
with him. 'lbis went on fur some year,,
and in all the palaces of the other king
doms the princes wore ' wigs. Thus' it
came to be the custom from that time.
Filially it. happened that a —foreign
prince came upon some peculiar business.
He thought her very beautiful, and at
once perceived the stratagem. A friendly
little gray man had given him an apple
that once a year lie was privileged to
smell, and then there came in his mind a
very wise idea, and he had become much
'renowned on account of his deep wisdom.
Now,it was exact y time for him to make
use of his apple. So,with tht scent from
it came this warning:
`lf thou wouldst-win in "the game of
giving and taking,under no circumstances
- -must thou either give or take, anything.'
So he had his hands bound in his belt,
and went with his marshal to the palace,
and asked to be allowed to eat his al
mond. The princess was secretly much
pleased with him, and immediately hand
ed him an almond. which his marshal
, took pl,--ed — l5 tai 1F
and placed in his mouth. _ tie prin
ceis inquired what this meant, and more
over,why he constantly carried his hands
in his girdle.
He replied that at his court the custom
was even more strongly enforced than — nt
hers, and he dared not to give or take
anything withhis hands,,,at the most,wiTh
only his head and feet. Then the princess
laughed and said: •
`in this case we will never be able to
have our little game together.'
He sighed and answered :
_ 'Not unless you will be.pleased _to take
Something from my boots.'
. 'That can never happen I' exclaimed
the whole cool t.
'Why have you come hither?' asked the
princess angrily, 'when you have such
stupid customs?'
'Because you are so beautiful,' replied
the prince, 'and if I cannot win you I
may at least have the pleasure of seeing
'On the other hand, I have no similar
gratification,' said she.
So the prince remained at the palace
and he pleased her more and more, but
when the humor seized her, she tried in
every manner to persuade him to take his
hands from the girdle, and receive some
thing from her. Shy also entertained him
charmingly, and freqeently oil;Ted him
flow; rs,bou buns and trinket , , and finally
bracelet , ., but not once di l lie Curt:let
and stretch out ha hand to take thcm,tor
the pressure or the sir 11 , reminde.l him
in time. ahe wouhl noel to his marshal,
and he received them, saying: 'We re
Then the princess would become impa
tient and would exclaim : 'My hand ki-r
-chief has fallen I ('an your lordship ph-h
it up fOr me?' Wh•rimpon the' prinCe
would flisten his spur into it. and wave' it
carelessly, while the princess would have
to bend and remove it from his foot, ang
rily saying, 'I remember:,
Thus a year passed away;and the grin
cess said to herself:
'This eannot remain so. It must be
settled in one way or the other:
She said to the prince:
'I have one of the finest gardens in the
wor'd. I will show your lordship over it
The prince smelt his apple, and as they
entered the garden, said:
"It is very needful here, end in order
that we may walk near (salt other-in peace
and not be disturbed by the desire to try
our game, I beg you my lady that Pm
this one hour you may take upon you the
custom of my court and let your hands
also be fastened: Then we will be safe
from each other's art, and there will be
nothing to annoy us."
The princess did not feel very safe a
bout this arrangement, but he begged so
strongly that she could not refuse him
this small fitvor. So they- went on alone
together,with there hands - fattened in their
girdles. The birds sang, the suri shone
warmly,a.nd from the tress the red cherries
hung so low that they brushed-their cheeks
as they passed. The pin ess saw them
and exclaimed.
"What a pitty that your lordship is not
able to pick a few for me?"
"Necessity knows no law,"said the prince,
and he broke one of the cherri s with his
teeth from a branch, and offered it to the
princess from his mouth.
The princess could not do otherwise
than received it from his mouth, and so
her face was brought close to his. So when
she had the 'cherry between her lips, 'and
a kiss from him besides, she was not
able to say that instant, 'I remember.'
Then he cried joyfully, 'Good morning,
much loved one,and drew his hands from
his girdle and embraced her. And they
spent the remainder of their lives togeth
er in perfect peace and quietness. •
FIGHT ON.-Will you ask from the
soldier thrown into till heat of the battle
to explain the plan of the general?—
If be has done his duty, if he has thrown
himself into the struggle, he has only seen
the disorder of the charge, the flashing of
arms, the clouds of smoke and dust; he
has only heard human cries mixed with
the deafening sound of artillery. 'To him
all was disorder and chaos; but , upon the
neighboring heights one eye followed the
ciiinbat; oae hand directed the least move
ment of the troops: • • Now, my brethren,
there is a battle which is pursued through_
the ages. It - is that of trust, of love and
justice against error,egotism and iniquity.
It belongs not. to us
_thrown into the fight to direct the contest
—it ought to suffice us that Godcondiicts
it; it is for us to remain at the — post "be
evenlasi and tosqugglo
. there
even to the cad; •
The Reading Eagle ; publishes the fol
lowing as a sample of the 'style of letters"
which some of the girls of that 'city re
ceive It says the letter was written by
one George 11. Steward, a drummer stop
ping at Harrisburg, and is dated May 13.
reads : My Sweet Darling Alice, 1
received your loving letter a few moments
since and I hasten to answer 'it. How
happy I was to get your darling missive
and know that you were well and happy.
Your dear kind words made quite an im
pression on me, for you know how dearly
and tenderly I love you, my own precious
darling Allie.
You speak of me forgetting you. Why
how absurd to entertain such an idea thr
a single moment! You know I can nev
er forget you, no, not while life remains.
You are the bright particular star that
leads me on to fame_and_fortune..___Ma_.
your star never fade, but always remain
bright and-beautiful as it now is for your
loving George. Oh, my sweet, darling
angel Alice ! how I have learned to love
you ! and how I would love to be near
you, that I might look up into your smil
ing face and imprint a host of kisses on
•our loutinT li i i s. Oh Pet lam so sor-
ry I left you at all ! Ido wish I had
brought you with me,tbr lam lonely . and
melancholy without you, and often sigh
for your bright, cheerful company, and
your sweet, clear laugh so childlike, art
less2and_full,,of_innecent mirth and hap
piness, which made me feeLso_happy_to_
be in your charming society.
You say my Pet that you would like
to have my photograph, well my angel,
you shall have it, for you are the only
one I truly and faithfully love; and I
will do or dare anything in this world for
you my sweet pet. I wish you were here.
The city is beautifully decorated with
flags and arches and wreaths of evergreen.
It looks levely and I know that your
young and loving nature would appreci
ate all such grand sights. There is a mil
itary reunion here, everything is full of
life and the procession was grand and im
posing, 5 bands of music.
Well my own Sweet Darling send me
your picture in your next letter. Get that
one you were speaking about some one
having and send it to me, do, won't you,
my charmer 9 I know you cannot say no
to one you love so dearly as you do your
Darling George. 0 dearest ! how I love
you and long to see you. Write a long
letter; tell me all - the news, won't you
sweet Allie ? Well, Darling, I must say
good-bye the 'the present. Dear, it is so
hard to part from you that I feel almost
sad when I write to you and have to stop
so soon ; but the time will soon come when
we will not separate, and we can revil in
each other's love, and linger long in each
other's society. 0 Pet, don't you long
for that, happy time? I must say that I
Well Alice, he good to yourself,. do as
I have told you, and ycu will be happy.
May heaven bless,you and make a land,
good girl of you. I think of you daily
and nightly.. Accept my fondest love and
best wishes,
.and a basket of kisses, from
your darling, loving George. Pet, write
just as soon as you receive this, direct to
Harrisburg as before. Igo from here
to-morrow to' Lancustor, Columbia and
York and then back to Harrisburg. Bye,
bye, sweetest,,llluidest, Angel Alice. From
yours most Jokingly. Pet, I ani so glad
you did not gt# scolded, and was borne in
time. Pet, write immediately. Excuse
this business-paper.
"Harrisburg, Pa.
The above sickly affair is what induced
a young girl to leave her home. Any girl
with the least common sense would have
torn that letter up and regarded it so
much stuff and nonsense. It was written
by oneof those insi nuating,smooth-tongued
drummers, and there con be no question
that he wrote the, letter simply to bum
boozle the poor girl and leave her under
the impression that he was dead in love
with her. And the confiding girl believ
ed it all, read it over a hundred times
probably aid imagined herself the very
idol of a person mho, in reality, may be
nothing more than a deceiving Scoundrel
of the very worst sort.
ed Methodist divine made up his mind at
one time to marry Miss Sophia Hopkey,
the daughter of a Magistrate, who was
young and pretty,with whom he was very
much enamored. The elders opposed his
marriage, and advised him to proceed no
further in the matter. "The Lord's 'will
be done," said Wesley,:but he was in a
sore strait. The young lady, piqued at
his behavior, married very hastily a Mr.
William Williams, thoagh Wesley at the
last begged her to marry him. The wed
ding took place on the 12thA of March,
1742. In his journal he writes : "March
4 —On this day God commanded me to
pull out my right eye, and by His grace
I determined to de so; but, being slack in
the execution, on Monday, March 12,
God being very merciful to rue;my friend
perfi rmed what I could not. What Thou
doest, 0, God! I know not now, but
shall know herea.ter." About this time,
and doubtless in reference to this transac
tion, Wesley wrote the well-known hymn
Is there a thing beneath the sun
That strives with Thee my-heart to share?
Oh, tear it thence, and reign alone
The Lord of every motion there.'
Wesley saw the old love wl►eu he was
85 years old, and she past 70. What
could they have to say except "Hail"
and _"Farewell2"
Habit is a cable ; we weave a thread of
it etery day, and tit last we cannot break
• .
'Patience is a flower that grows not in
every one's garden.
: JUNE 18, 1874.
A Gushing Epistle.
My mother's voice! how often creep
Its cadence on my lonely hours!
Like healing Pent on wings of sleep,
Or dew to the unconscious flowers.
I might forget her melting prayer,
While pleasure's pulses madly fly,
But in the still, nnbr Ikon air,
Her gentle tones come stealing by,
And years of sin and manhood flee,
And leave me at my mother's knee.
The book of nature, and the print
Of beauty on the whispering sea,
Give still to me some lineament
Of what I have been taught to be.
My heart is harder, and perhaps
My manliness has drank up tears,
And there's a mildew in the lapse
Of a few miserable years :
But nature's book is even yet
With all my mother's lesson writ.
I have been out at eventide,
Beneath a moonlight sky of spring
When earth was garnished like a bride,
And night had on her silver wing;
When bursting buds and diamond grass,
And waters leaping to the light,
1 that malarthewlses
With fleetness, thronged the night,
When all was beauty, then have I, -
With friends on whom my love is flung,
Like myrrh on wings of Araby,
Gazed up where evening's lamp is hung—
And - when the beauteous spirit there
Flung over me its golden chain,
My mo;her'a voice came on the air
Like the light dropping of the rain ;
And resting on some silver star,
The spirit of a beaded knee,
I've poured her deep_and fervent prayer,
That our eternity might be—
.To rise in heaven like stars at night,.
And tread a living path of light.
Woman's Inhumanity to Her Sex.
There is much food for reflection in the
following questions and answers : "Who
hits a woman when sne is down ?" 'Why,
another woman.'"‘lVl.o keeps her down?"
"Why, another woman." That's so. If
women were as severe upon men who
transgress the boulds of morality and de
cency as they are upon transgressions of
their own sex, we should have speedily in
augurated a reform in society that would
be worth a thousand midnight missions or
Rosine Associations. Women are like
crows—we. hope the ladies will pardon us
for this comparison—but it is a truthful
one, even. if it is not tasteful. We say
women are like orows. One of their num
ber falls wounded by sin, and she is im
mediately set upon and torn to pieces.—
The doors of respectable associations are
closed upon her. The virtuous female
turns from her with loathing and disgust.
Even the common sympathy of human na
ture is denied her. No help for the sin
ning women. No help! •
But what of the man who has wrought
this poor creature's ruin, and who has led
her steps into the paths. of folly and Sin ?
Is he tabood by women generally? There
are noble women who would scorn to meet
on any terms the man through whose in
strumentality an unsuspecting sister has
fitllen. But, alas, how rare such instances!
The most licentious men we ever knew—
andwith their licentiousness well known to
the world—were the men upon whom we
have seen virtuous women lavish their
sweetest smiles. They had ready access
to the very hearthstones of households
where the presence of a woman waul'l have
been regarded with as much alarm and
horror as that of one plague-smitten. Oh,
the cruelty and injustice to woman.—
"Man's inhumanity to man make count
less thousands mourn." What of woman's
inhumanity to woman ?
Good Thoughts.
To wipe all tears from off all faces is a
task too hard for mortals ; but to elevate
misfortune is within the must liinitea
Six things temper the hardships of this
life—good diet, a kind friend, a faithful
wife, an obedient tongue,and a wise head.
Pleasure is. necessary reciprocal; no
one feels who dues not at the same time
give it. To be pleased one must please.
What please y u in others will iu 6e feral
please them in you. •
lie who would pass the declining years
of his life with honor and comfort should
when young consider that he may one day
become old,and remember when he is old
that he has once been young.
Ii any man thinks it, a. small matter,
or of mean concernment to bridle his
tongue, he is inistakenfor it is a point to
be silent, when occasion require, and bet
ter than to speak, though ever so well.
It is a mistake to expect to recover
welcome, hospitality, words of cheer and
help over rugged and difficult passes in
life, in return for cold selfishness which
cares for nothing in the world but self:
THE Lmox ON THE Aar:.—The one
lesson that Young America needs to-day
more than all others,is to check his desires
for wealth and power. The country has
passed its speculative period when large
timunes are made in, a day or year, and
when large incomes are obtained. The
r.ext generation must expect smaller in
comes end consequently must adapt itself
to more frugal expenditures. Hereafter,
bread must be won by work, and no field
offers so sure a return for toil as intelli
gent:agriculture. We do not declare that
a general rush to the • dosolate farms of
our State will afford a complete solution
of the present business • crisis, but if the
tide of people rushing cityward could be
turned back to feed themselves and others
- front the farm; the result would give new
life to all branches of industry.
Wanted—"STA . MPS" at this office.
The Mother in Heaven.
In turning over some old papers in a
country attic some time since, I came a
cross the following sentiments. which,
'from some hints by the author accompa
nying, I think he intended eventually to
put into verse. They struck me even in
prose,as expressing the cry from so many
hearts,that I have ventured to copy them
and scud them to you. hoping that you
way find a place fin. them in your paper:
When the heart is oppressed with anx
ious cares, when the world looks cold and
drear, when black di-appointments hang
heavy round our necks, and we hunger
after a love that seems ever to recede,
whither do our souls turn for succor? To
that mother in Heaven who never failed
es while here.
When our hearts ache to find ourselves
. no longer needed to partake in the pleas
ures of our children—scarcely welcome
even to share in_their_sorrows;_rheu.cold_
duty takes the place of the heart's offer
ings in sickness or suffering, to whom do
we cast our eyes upwards, thinking, oh,
sere she here whom should we find ever
at our side? Our mother in Heaven.
When those we love have gone astray,
. ge—fails_to—express—the—bitte
shame; when the little feet whose first tot
tering steps we have uphe d, or .watched
through the firmer strider t of youth and
manhood, have turned into devious paths,
heedlees of entreaty or prayer, whither do
we turn, longing to rest our weary heads
on=the bosom that — everanswered -our-cry
fur sympathy? The mother in Heaven.
When years have passed, and we are
left alone, children gone, some separated
by seas and .mountains, others by the
greater distance of coldness or forgetful
ness, whose voice then comes back to us
with - the loving tones we vaii ly long to.
hear once more? The dear mother in
Is not the wish wrung from us, that
once'again we were children to be clasped
in that warm embrace? Do.not the bitter
tears come as we remember how unmind
ful we were of the rich motherly blessiugs
while we had them?
Oh, ye ..ho still have mothers to feel
for you in tour joys or your sorrows, re
member,however your hearts may change,
theirs never do; the mother's heart is the
one thing that never grows old. Amid
the trials that must be our portion in this
world, a good Bdiig has sent to all one
blessing—one love purer than all others.
Happy are those who, with anguish arid
remorse, do not have to say—it is our
mother in Heaven.
ted farmers, fiirmers . wives, sons and
daughters, who think the delights of city
life something worth realizing could walk
through our streets to-day and read one
thousandth part of the misery and appre
hension that haunt the hearts of all classes
and are making lines on their faces, they
would thank God for the peaceful seclu
sion and abundance gathered in the gar
ners of their homes. Thousands of men
and women are at the beginning of win
ter suddenly thrown out of employment,
Few, comparatively, of these have aught
laid up iu store. Young women flock
through the streets with restless, eager,
anxious eyes, with lips quivering with
fear lest they, foil to obtain employment
that shall give them food and shelter.—
Boys and girls of the country! he grate
ful tier plenty and shelter. You will,
perhaps, never know how to value it un
til you want and cannot get either. How
many of these in the city are country
horn ; and how many would gladly go
back to the homesteads for refuge, and
yet may not have the means to get there!
Farmers! thank God for the harvests,
and that you have unsold food for your
families ! You have reason
Lo! Tau Poow INDIAN.—There was
something touching in the allUsion made
the other day by Colonel Boudinot (an
Indian) in his speech before the House
Committee on Territories in advocacy of
the organization of the Territory of Okla
homa. Alter referring to the franchises
granted to the blacks, and to the remark
able spectacle recently Exhibited in the
House, of Representatives, when an en
franchised African was called by the
Speaker to preside_ temporarily over that
body, Colonel - Boudinot said, " W hat a
commentary upon the doctrine of equality
and civil rights. Everybody seems to be
invested with the legacy of equal rights in
this 'Land of the free and home of the
brave,'• except the original owner of the
country. He alone is an alien iu the laud
of his birth."
SEA-BinDs.—Pasiengers on ocean steam
ers find considerable amusement inwatch:
ing "Mother Carey's chickens." The birds
inveriably follow in the wake of the ves
sels for the refuse that is thrown overboard,
and often, in • their greediness, come near
the screw. They have been known to fol
low steamers for hundreds of miles, rest
occasionally on the top of the water or
at night on the mast-head. Sometimes
passengers attempt to shoot them,
but no
one has ever been known to hit the
awkwardlooking but graceful birds. Sailors
consider them ominous, and are opposed
to the shooting. They have a peculiar cry
and beautifulwing which many a young
lady passenger has wished she bad in her
The popular superstition regarding the
days on which it is unlucky t b o cut finger
nails is expressed in an old rhyme thus:
Cut them on Mondav,ent them for wealth;
Cut them on Tuesday cut them nor health;
Cut them on- Wednesday,ent them fornevrs;
Cut them on Thurdays, a nev ! • pair shoes;
Cut them on Fridav,you'll cut them for woe;
Cut them on Saturday, a journey to go ;
Cut them on Sunday,you'll cut them PT evil.
For all the next week you'll be ruled by
devh.. , .
Pay your debts when you hare
Drying up a Yankee.
Did you ever come across one of the
peculiar Connecticut, Yankees who would
talk everlastingly, guess at wore things,
and ask more questions than there is hair
on a cat's back ?
I presume you hav s, but don't suppose
you ever heard one dried up quicker and
more effectually than Dave Larkin done
it last summer, while on the road froth
Snake River Falls to Oak Ridge Centre.
Dave Larkin is a stage-driver, and has
as much dry humor in his make-up as
almost any one you meet.
The Yankee took an inside seat at the
Falls, and having talked two of the pas
sengers to sleep and tired out the third
one so that he could not answer his que?-
tions,got upon the outside at the Post office
Station to take a ride with Larkin.
'For one hour his incessant tongue run
like the needle of a sewing -machine, and
Dave _being ratlier_slow at -replies,—the.
Yankee had to answer more than one-half
his own questions.
At last the stage-driver, completely,
worn out with his insatiate g abble, point.'
ed to a neat log house by th e side of the
road :
‘Theres-been-a—woma, '
house for more than five weeks, and they
!lain% buried her
'Hain't hurled her yet?' exclaimed the
excited Yankee. 'You don't tell me so.
What on earth might the reason be?'
`She an't dead yet,' calmly responded
This dried the Yankee up.
Welsh Triads.
There are three things that never be
come rusty-•the Money of the beneVolent,
the shoes of the butcher's horse, and a
Voinan's tongue.
• Three things not easily done—to allay
thirst with fire, to dry wet with water, to
please all in everything that is done.
Three things that are , as good as the
best —brown bread in famine, well•water
in thirst, and a great coat in Cold.
Three things ;s good as their better—
dirty water to extinguish the fire, a home
ly wife to a blind man, and a wooden
sword to a coward.
The warnings from the grave—"thou
knowest what I was, thou seest what I
urn; remember what thou art to be."
Three things of ,short continuance—a
lady's love, a chip fire, and a brook's
flood. . '
Three things that ought never to he
from home—the cat, the chimney and the
Three things seen in the peacock—the
garb of an angel, the walk of a thief, and
the voice of the devil.
Three things it is unwise to boast of—
the flavor of thy ale, the beauty of thy
wife, and the contents Of thy purse.
Three miseries of a man's house —a
smoky ( Idinney, a dripping roof, and a
scolding wife.
The signal failure of the Graphic bal
loon enterprise of last year, it seems, had
a wonderful effect upon Barnum,the great
showman. He looked into the project,
viewed it with his hopeful eye, and hav
ing reached the conclusion that the world
did not .believe it could he carried out,
resolved to prove that all tlingas under
Barnum are possible. He went:to Europe
forthwith, and has at length—so he says
—completed his arrangements for the
construction of his airship. He now
promises that before many months shall
elapse, his balloon will make the trip a
cross the Atlantic ocean.
One day an Irishman was strolling
through a field, and observing a flower
that pleased his fancy, he was about to
pick it,when a bee stung him on the hand,
and flew to its hive which was nut far off.
Pat watched the bee going in, and then
shouted "By the piper that piped before
Moses, I'll have revenge ; lifting a stick,
he plunged it into the hive,and commenc
ed stirring up the bees, which flew out in
swarms, and stung him so badly that he
soon dropped the stick and ran away.-
Sometime afterward, as Pat was saunter
ing through the woods, he became tired
and sat down on a log to rest himself. At
the other end of 'the log there was a June
hug, which he noticed crawling toward
him. • Instantly jumping up. he exclaim
ed, as lie started to run off: "Be jabers,
know ye, even if ye have yer overcoat on.'
The coolest, larceny on record recently
took place in San Francisco: A young
.man from the country was riding in a
street car, when a man next to him in
formed him that the back of his coat was
dirty, and kindly offered to brush it; off
for him if he would take it off. He hand
ed his coat to the accommodating. man,
and the latter coolly put it under his arm
and left with it.
"Agur said, 'Give me neither poverty
nor riches ;' and this will ever be • the
prayer of the wise. Our incomes should
be like our shoes; if too small, they will
gall and pinch us, but if too large. they
will cause us to stumble and trip. Wealth
after all, is a relative thing, since he that
has little, and wants less, is richer than
he that has much, but wants more. True
contentment depends not, upon what we
have ; a tub large enough for Dirgenes,
but a world was too small for Alekander.'
A man who snores was described by his
friend the other day as follows: "Snores I
Oh, no, I guess not—no name for it.—
When you wake up in the morning had
find that the house you lodge in has been
moved a half a mile by the respiratory
vehemence 'of a fellow lodger, you may,
get some idea of AG fellow's performance.
His landlady gets the house oval back
by turning his Bed around." /
If a tree were to tweak p window, what
would the windowley?Tnee.nrwd-up.
82.00 PER YEAR.
Wit and anmor.
What were the first words Adam said
to Eve? 'Nobody knows.
When people hin to urn their dead will
they require the dead to earn theirepitaphs.
If a man is murdered by his hired man
should the coroner render a verdict of
"killed by his own hand ?"
Why is a Wcyuesboro' milkman like
Pharaoh's daughter? Because he takes
a little profit out of the water.
A New Jersey paper Feasts of a new
subscriber one hundred and three years
old. We shouldn't call him very new. ,
Why is a room full of married penile
empty? Because there's nota single person
in it.
What trees are those which, when
the fire is applied to them, are exactly
what they before? Ashes. •
What relation is that child to its father
/I:German being~
ked hoW much san
er cfolt he bad tip for winter use, re
plied - i: "I've not uch ; leetle more's
,ten parrels, shu for sickness."
An observing man has discovered a
similarity between a young ladies' semin
ary and a sugar-house,as both refine whit
is already sweet.
While witnessing a game of base ball
out West, a boy wlis struck on the hack
of his head, the bawl coming out of his
"Dighv, will you take some of' this but
ter?" Thank you, ma'am, I belong to
the, temperance society—can't take any
thing strong," replied Digby."
A Western paper says of the air in its
relations to man, "L. kisses and blesses
him, but will not obey him." Blribbs
says that the description suits his wife es-
Coleridge, when lecturing while a young
man, was once violently hissed. He im
mediately retorted : "When a cold stream
of truth is poured on red hot prejudices,
no wonder they hiss."
ik ,eit
When ama nearly brakes his neck t s r . ?
ing to get out t e way of a "lightning
bug," supposing to be the head light
of a locomotive, it, ime for him to sign
the pledge. ' ....:"
If 1011 wish to live to eighty-five, in the
full enjoyment of all your faculties, go to
bed at nine o'clock,. eat twice a day.mod
erately of plain food, and driuk accord
A gentleman having a deaf servant
was advised by a friend to discharge her.
"No," replied that gentleman with much
good feeling, "that poor creature would
never hear of another situation."
The Philadelphia Star thinks that gen
uine love is played out: Humph 1. the old
sinner ought to travel th rough • lgiehigan
and seee the sparkle of the-eyes ns two lov
ers hold the same peppermint loien,ger be
tween their teeth.
A clergyman being invited to open a
legislature with prayer, uttered the fol.
lowing ambiguous petition: "Afay corrup
tion and sin of every form he as far from
every member of this legislature as Thou
A zealous but ignorant negro preacher
in expounding to his Huck as to the as
tounding nature of miracles, got a trifle
confuse S.. He said: "My belovd friends
the greatest of all miracles was 'bout de
loaves and fishes—dere was 5000 loaOs
and 2000 fishes and de twelve 'pities had
to eat dem all, and de miracle is they
didn't bust."
"Where was Bishop Latimer burned to
death ?" asked a teacher in a command
ing voice.
"Joshua knows," said a littlegirl at the
bottom of the class.
"Well," said the teacher, "if Joshua
knows he may tell.".
. ,
"In the fire," replied Joshim, looking
very grave and wise.
Our Devil says he always gets mad
when he goes. along the etre ?t, about ten
o'clock at night, and passing a shaded
porch where a young man is bidding his
beloved goodnight, hears the girl ex
claim, in a loud whisper, "Oh, stop,
Charlts! you haven't shaved?'
The wind was damp 'with coming Wet.
when James and blue-eyed Lirzie met.;
lie held a ginghana ‘ o'er his head, and to
the maiden thu: lie said : ! lively girl,
my heart's afire with love's tinquelichablo
desire; Say, dearcst one; wilt thou be
mine, and join' me in 'the gr( wry line. 7'
The maid, in accents sweet, replied, 'Jim,
hold the umbrella more on my Ade ; my
bran new bonnet's getting Viet—lll marry
y yer needn'tfret.
mneh -
tention to letalltitA.aghsh, had a . 1 10 1-sa.. ,
stolen from hisli4VOne night, wherenpaW
he advertised follows .: , •
"Von nite,de oder day,, yen Vas ,
vake in sip , sleep, I,9tt I
tinks vas not • yust'right to my, barn, and
I yust out shumps h 4cl and runs wit de
barn out;-and s deretoony,'l.seez
dat my pig gray iron haze ; he vas ben ti- -
ed loose audrun, mid de stahle,off;#er, 14)
viii him 'haelLbring,:l.yust so much pay
him a VW , bitt 1 411qt0.11111 1 T.'.
-.4 _
41Iti I 8 3 tilPl