4 Tm Forest Republican U published every Wedaoeday, by J. E. WENK. Offloa in Smearbaugh ft Co.'i Building ' ILM 8TBEET, TIONI8TA, PA. Terms), . gl.uo for Year. No subscriptions received (or a shorter period than three months. Correspondence soliolte) from all parte of the country. No aotloe will be taken of anonymous communications. RATES OF ADVERTISING! One Square, one rash, one insertion..! 1 00 One Square, one inch, one month. 8 00 One Square, one inch, three months. . 5 (10 One Square, one inch, one year 10 00 Iwo Squares, one year.... 1500 Quarter Column, one year... M. ...... 9100 Half Column, one year........ 50 00 One Column, one year 1U0U0 Leeal advertisement ten cent per line tech insertion. Marriages and death notices gratis. Ail bills for yearly advertisements collected quarterly Temporary advertisements must be paid in advance Job work cash on delivery. Forest Republican, VOL. XXXI. NO. 28. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCT. 26, 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM. Mure woo for the downtrodden (armor. An English professor an nounces that the wheat crop will be a total failure hi 1931. The English speaking raoes are all right. The charge of the Twenty first Lailjers through a body of 2000 ambusjied fauatical Dervishes is an English contribution to the lesson which American troops taught at Caneyand San Juan. It is a great year this 1898. New York is to Lave a permanent exposition, with a capitalization of 20,000,000(for the display of manu factured products of the United States, t is proposed to erect immeuse build ings, and house each line of products in a separate building. London, Paris, Berlin and othor European cities now have such permanent expositions. The brutal murder of the Empress Elizabeth adds auother family calam ity to the many that have afflicted the unfortunate Franz Josef, of Austria. He has lost by violent deaths his favorite brother, the Emperor Maxi milian, and his only son, the Crown Prince Rudolph, while it is hardly a fear ago that his wife's sister, the Duohesse d'Aloncon, was burned to leath iu the charity bazaar fire in Paris. A fate as relentless as any in Greek tragedy seems to pursue him. " The murdorer is said to be an Anarch Ut. What political wrong could be avenged or advantage to the cause gained by the killiug of this inoffen sive woman it lantit be difficult for even a niilitaut Anarchist to demon strate. Of all crowned heads in Eu rope the Austrian Empress was pre eminent for her efforts to put aside the trammels of hor rauk aud had notori ously never interfered with the poli ties of even her'own country. At the time of her death she was an invalid seeking for health and traveling as a private person. The crime committed (gainst her cannot bo dignified into a political assassination; it is the unpro voked murder ef a helpless womau, proclaims the New York Sun. The complete destruction of all dis ease causing microbes is, of course, the aim of modern methods of sewage treatment and disposal, aud in a method recently devised coloriflo sterilization is added to the ordinary processes. The treatment consists essentially in allowing the sewage to flow into tanks which are subdivided in such a mauuer that the liquid passes through a restricted passago, where it oomes in contact with a cur rent of air under pressure. Iu its passage through the various cells the olid matter is deposited in a number of pockets, from which it is subse quently taken to be dried and burned. The distinctive feature of the process occurs in the next operation, where the liquid, after having been mixed with alkali, passes through a series of heat exohangos, in which it cools and is itself heated by liquid previously aoted upon. From the heat ex changers the liquid next passes to the sterilizers, where it is heated and propollod through coils by means of steam jets to anothor vessel. The last stage iu the treatmont consists in its passage under a sludge-drying plat form to a settliug-tank, and its exit through filters in a pure and whole some condition. . Philadelphia was noted for its clean liness as far back as I860, the Ledger of that city claims, when the daily per capita oonsumprion of water was thirty-six gallons. Conditions as to clean liness are no better now, when the average daily per capita use is ovei 200 gallons, and the conclusion is that the excess consumption over that in I860 is wasted. With the acknowl edged vile condition of the water fur nished in Thiladclphia not much bet ter use could be made of itjthan to permit it to run into the sewers, bnt that is au expensive disposition of it, as 'the cost of providing the total sup ply is assessed uniformly npon the houses or tonemeuts, according to the size of the supply pipe. As the amount used by each individual bears no im mediate relation to the price he pays, no concern is left regarding leaking fixtures, and faucets are left conveni ently turned on day and night. In many places fans, sewing-machines, and other small machinery are ruu by -water-motors, the cost of wbich is a charge on the general water assess ment. Appeals to remedy the injus tice to those who do not waste the water have been made in vain to the Councils, and a way is now pointed out to consumers whereby they can protect themselves. That is by hav ing meters p.t in, which can be done under existing ordinances. Then they would pay four cents per. thousand gallons, or about oae-third what thev THE RETURNINC They march behind their tattered flag, Our very hearts it charms, But spent and slow their footsteps lag, - The weary men-at-arms. With gallant haste they stormed the hill, And dared the deadly tray; Tbey had no leak of nerve or will In battle's tearful day. Though bullets swept their thinning ranks, They did not pale with drea1. To-day they smile and utter thanks Above that roll ot doad. i MIGUEL, THE A Tale HARMED by my prospects I had just moved into a new office in the Calle de Carenero. The coolies had transferred the furniture with slight damage, and three long and talkative Chinese carpenters were puttingupapunka, or big fan which swings overhead a novelty for me, as I had not needed one in the old office. At last the inoessaut, quavering gabble of the three carpiuteros, com bined with their marked odor of opium, sandal-wood aud warm hu maulty, drove me outside nntil the work should be finished. I found at the door a crowd of natives beside my clerks, who, it seemed, were candidates for the posi tion of punkero, or coolie, whose duty it is to keep the fan swinging during business hours. Considering the harrowing monotony of the work, his pay is very low. They were all boys in various stages of dirt and nakedness, exoept one, whose appearanoe attracted my attention. lie was a tall, old man, neatly dressed in snowy shirt and trousers. with a fine, intelligent face. His hair was nearly white, which iudicated a pretty ripe ago, for a Filipino's head Meldom shows signs of gray ness before he is fifty, aud I never saw one in the least bald. "Does that viejo old fellow want to be a punkero?" I asked Jose, the Chief clerk. "Si, senor," answered Jose, with a grin like an open piano, "he says he uoes. "He doesn't look like it." said I. "Mira look here viejo, canst thou not Una better work?" "No, senor," he answered, respect fully. "I have a wife and crippled son to support, senor, and I hope I may be allowed to serve your graoe. The old man's Spanish was pure and good, aud his replies to the few questions I asked betrayed an educa tion far superior to that of the ordinary native. 1 was puzzled to know why lie should be au applicant for a post tion generally considered beneath the dignity of any one but a half-grown boy from the wilderness; but he was very retioent in a respectful way, and dodged my questions most diplomatic ally. At last I decided to try him, partly as a curiosity, for no other office in the place was ornamented by a punkero of nuoh vecerable and dignified appear ance." So I told the others to sn-lu clear out and ordered Jose, much to that worthy's amazement at my choice, to install Miguel, as he called himself, in his position as soon as things were ready. Furthermore, I told Jose, with emphasis, to see that the other clerks attempted no "skylarking" with the old man. When I returned I found the punka in place, and Miguel maiutaining his dignity wonderfully on a three-legged stool, with the cord in his hand, which he began te pull as I entered, filling the room with a refreshing whirlwind. Thus old Miguel became a fixture in my office, and performed his lowly task faithfully and well. lie was always at his post when I arrived in the morning to greet me with "Buenos dias, senor!" He tugged patiently at his cord till I donned my jacket and riding-boots at five o'clock, the signal for "Buenos noches, senor!" and his departure. The old man's one drawback and that only at first was a persistent tendency to go to sleep at his post. I tried to cure him of the habit by saw ing off one leg of the stool. This kept him awake an hour or two, but he soon found that by propping one edge of the stool against the wall, he could still take a little nap, and I was obliged to have another leg of the stool cnt off. After that I ha 1 no more trouble, for the effort necessary to balance him self on the one-legged stool kept the old man awake. It was so unusual to see a man of his age doing such work that my busi ness friends used to remark upon "11. 's Punka Methuselah." Now and then his wife would come in to see him a dear old coffee-colored lady, with brilliantly colored skirt and starched mantilla, while her white, frizzly hair was adorned with an im mense horn comb. She was such a dainty old creature, and the courtesy with which she always favored me was so like that of a duchess of the last century that I could never hesi tate to rise and bow with the utmost gravity, which performance created the wildest hilarity on the part of the first Englishman who witnessed it, and I had a bad time at the club table that evening. She would invariably inquire, in eVk Cvt rCCw S. v. V fWNfc v . 7kS A , 11001 By Charles B. Howard. A subtler foe, a wilier craft. Has mowed them since the fight; L bitter oup their lips barn quaffed. Fever, and cold, and f-lgbt, And famine, ghastly enemies, Have bad them for their prey. Well may they lag behind the flag, Our men-at-arms this day. And home returned, the brilliant skies Grr- lark to us who see. Thr " "at blur our pitying eyes, How -rrat oan be. Margarot E. 8angster. PUNKA - COOLIE of Manila. funny Spanish, if her husband was doing his work to my satisfaction, and I as often assured her that he left nothing to be desired, whereupon she would pat his shoulder in approval, and they would converse in their own language, all g's and u's apparently. - One afternoon, toward the end of June, there entered the office an old Chinese merchant, Quiu Leng by name, who long before had lived in the Philippines, but who now resided at home in Hongkong, and came across the troublous China Sea occa sionally on a business trip. After the usual long-drawn greet ings, we proceeded to business and were deeply involved in the prices of hemp and sugar when Lis glauoe hap pened to fall on Miguel, pensively laboring at the punka-cord, and he stopped arguing with an abrupt "Wau-pia!"Jthe Chinaman's usual ex clamation of surprise. Then, with an apology to me, he rose, waddled across the room and held ont his hand to Miguel, saying, "Como va, how goes it, Senor Ortiz?" Miguel took the proffered hand with a stately bow, and replied, quiet ly, "Muy bien, graoias, very well, thank you, senor. I trust it is well with your graoe, also?" All this was very much out of or der. How came a high-class "Chino" merchant, and a mandarin of the blue button at that, to be greeting thus cordially an old punka-coolie, infinite ly beneath 'him in that social stand ing which the Chinaman holds so sacred? My bewilderment was probably vis ible in my face as Quia Leng resumed his seat, for he smiled like a yellow half-moon, and said, in his queer pidgin-Spanish: "That man, Miguel Ortiz, years and years ago was the chief clerk and 'majordomo' of Augustin, Ramon y (Ja a famous old bpanisn house in Manila, long since failed and gone. Did you know that?" I shook my head, and he went on: "He was discharged for stealing money, they said. What a pity! I never believed it. Ah, Miguel and I were good friends in the old days!" "How did it happen?" I asked. "I cannot say," he replied, "but the story was that Miguel was left alone in the ofnoe all that afternoon, and afterward could not acoount for three hundred silver dollars which had been brought in. It is strange, also," he added, looking around. "This is the very same office they had then!" "How long ago was it?" I asked. "Let me see it was the third of June of the year 18 , I have reason to remember it well, for it was the same day that my godown warehouse was sadly damaged by an earthquake, and I had to pay eighteen pesos for the three coolies that were killed in it. Our business was soon concluded, and as Quin Leng went out he laid his long-nailed hand on Miguel s shoulder and said, smiling, "Back in the same old nest, old bird, eh?" And Miguel replied with a quiet, "Si senor." So this was the story of my queer punkero, I reflected. Surely he had been amply punished by all these years of poverty and degradation re duced from a position of trust, with comparative wealth, to living in a uipa but among the lowest class of natives. How he had managed to live in the meantime I never knew; but it troubled me a good deal during the next few days to see the patient old fellow at his mcohanical, ill-paid labor with that crippled son to support, too, I re flected. I could not pay him more than other punka-coclies received without getting all the other business men down on me. Although I wanted to give him some employment more worthy of bis ability, I was only the agent of a great house at home, and my responsibilities were too heavy already to justify my placing in a position of any trust a man accused of theft. I knew none of the other houses would take him, for I could not conscientiously recommend him, and younger clerks were to be had in plenty. So punkero he remained, till one day, during a rush of business, another clerk was needed at the godown to help check and tally weights. As no one else was available at the moment, I sent Miguel down. In the afternoon he brought back his tally-sheets, so accurately and neatly made out that I concluded after all to keep him at that work, lor there would be no possible opportunity for dishonesty of any sort, aud it would enable me to raise his wages slightly. bo a new punkero, considerably less remarkable in aspect, was established on the one-legged stool, and Miguel spent his days in the godown, report ing at the office late every afternoon. lie displayed little or no appreciation of his promotion, and when on pay day I hauded him the additional pesos, he merely thanked me gravely; but the next morning I found his senora wait ing for me, aud she was so overpower- ingly demonstrative in her gratitude that she demoralized the whole office force for a time. Odo day in July, the worst season of the year nntil the rains come Miguel had appeared as usual with his tally-sheets, and spread them out for my inspection on the big table which was built into the wall in one corner, like a shelf. It had been a handsome table in its day, made of some dark, polished native wood, cut in heavy slabs. A massive, carved leg supported the corner which extended out into the room; but its days of beauty were past. The thousands of big silver dollars that had been rattled and counted on its surface had sadly dimmed its pol ish; earthquakes had cracked it, as well as the office walls and ceiling, and some great convulsion had caused the walls in that corner to settle, so that the old tablo tilted rather awk wardly, and everything deposited on it had a tendency to coast rapidly down into the corner. The day had been hotter and sul trier than usual, with that ominous stillness in the air that always seems to forebode some strauge eveut, and I felt tired aud stupid as I leaned over the sheets and tried to foot up the totals, while Miguel stood by, waiting for my hnal approval. The very air, stirred by the punka, felt thick aud heavy, aud the drowsy creak, as the great fan swnng slowly to and fro, aud au occasional sleepy cry from the street were all the sounds I heard as I muttered, "Fifty bales, seventy-five, a hundred" and then I stopped, for the table was trembling under my hancs, and strange, groan ing sounds were coming from the walls. "Terremoto earthquake senor," said Miguel, calmly. There had been several slight shocks during the last few days, but none heavy enough to disturb us. and we had beoome quite used to them, so I merely waited a moment, and then went on: "One twenty-five, oue fifty" and that was as far as I got that day, At this point a heavy jarring came; and a horrid, up-and-down, sideways and diagonal movement of everything around us, together with the loud grinding of big timbers, warned us that this was no ordinary shake-up Indoors was then no place for those who valued life and limb, so Miguel and the new punkero and I waited no longer, but dropped everything and dashed for the door. I remembered, long afterward, that old Miguel, in the midst of a dauger more appalling to the mind than any other I know of, stood aside, with the instinctive oonrtesy of the old days, to let me, the younger man, but his gefe chief pass out first. The clerks had stampeded at the first shudder. As I went'on the fly ing jump down the stairs, which were swaying and cracking apart, a heavy crash somewhere told of a falling beam. I reached the street just in time to see a huge sheet of galvanized iron slide from the roof of the build ing opposite and come swinging and clanging down, while a shower of broken tiles, shaken from the roof of our building, clattered on the sidewalk close beside me. From every doorway and a good many windows terrified people Mere running or jumping, and I was carried along with the mob of shrieking, pray ing and gesticulating natives and Chinamen, with here and there a pale but silent Englishman, toward the open square at the end of the street, A couple of ponies, struggling iu their harness, added their maddened screams to the uproar, and a great, tame buffalo, stupid with fear, lay down in the road and allowed tho crowd to surge over him. By the time we reached the open spaoe the earthquake had thundered itself far away to the south, and old mother earth was iu her right mind once more. "lij Jove," exclaimed a young liriton, elbowing his way toward me, "that was the heaviest I ever felt, H.I How long do you think it was?" A Scotchman, just out from home, vowed that it had seemed to him about two hours, but a more minute calcula tion brought it down to something like fifteen seconds. Nothing ou earth would have in duced a native to re-enter a building that evening, and we "Ingleses" felt a mutual disinclination 1o do so our selves. I had put things away and closed the safe just before Miguel came in, so I concluded to let things remain as they might be until morn ing, and to go home and see how my house in the suburbs had borne the excitement. I found everything intact, with the exception of ray servants' nerves aud a few trifles in the way of crockery, and at last got to bed iu a state of thankfulness that things were no worse. Mother earth, having played her little joke, behaved in a manner more befitting her age that night, and I rose in the morning to find the wel come rain at last pouring as it only can pour in the tropics, and the air cool and fresh. On arriving at the office building, I found my entire clerical force assembled outside, wait ing for the encouragement of my pres ence before entering, and I headed a small procession np the rickety, bnt still serviceable stairs. The office was in fairly good shape, all things considered. The safe was rakishly askew, aud presented the ap pearance of trying to look around the corner; and the old table had de tached itself from the wall, vanquished its solitary leg, and lay in the middle of the room, leaving a ragged gap in the walls, while the floor was strewn with Miguel's tally-sheets. I set the clerks to work gathering these up, while I endeavored to open the sate. Suddenly a clerk on his hands and knees in the corner exclaimed, "Mira, senor!" , "Que hay what is it?" said I, straggling with the refractory door. "Pesos iollars senorl A lot of them!" "What are you talking about?" said I, slipping over to him. There on the floor lay a scattered heap of silver dollars, mingled with the fragments of an old inkstand and odds and ends of stationery. I picked up several pieces, and on examining the dates, found them to be all of the coinage of over thirty years before. I was stooping in amazement for auother handful, when old Miguel, with a strange cry, shoved me aside with scant ceremony, and throwing himself down on his knees, plunged his hands into the heap and examining them with feverish excite ment, like the most grasping old miser. "Que tiene tu what is the matter with you Miguel?" I demanded, rather testily, as I recovered my bal ance. The old man slowly looked np. "They said I was a thief, senorl And see, here is the money!" and in a flash I saw how it had all happened, I sat down in the nearest chair and stared at the big hole in the wall from which the money had fallen. It must have been lying on the table that day so long ago, and when the earthquake that damaged Quin Leng's godown had occurred, the table had probably ripped slightly away from the wall, and tilted up as the floor settled. The silver and other thiugs must have poured down into the space thus opened, which had closed np when the convulsion was over, and bnried the dollars and Miguel's good name in a common grave for all these years, Now was the old man grubbing among the dollars and muttering hia wife s name over and over, and I was forgetting my Spanish iu my efforts to soothe him. I hey clerks were gap ing at us both,' and that utterly de moralized safe was leering at the whole crowd, when old Quin Leng, a pigtailed vision in white silk and blue cap, came toddling in to see how we had survive the catastrophe. He grasped the whole situation at glance, like the wise old celestial that he was. It would be a long story to tell how the kind old heathen gentleman un dertook to see that justice was done lor his old friend; how we. wrote to bpain and found the only descendant of Senor Augustin, who tnrned out to be a good fellow when the facts were proved to him, and instructed the Spanish bank of Manila to pay his father's old servant a monthly sum which would keep him and his family in comfort for life. When I saw Quin Leng afterward, he remarked that an earthquake iu the capacity of a benefactor was a unique idea, which was one way of quoting the proverb about an ill-wind and its ways. Youth s Companion, An Interesting Clock. A most interesting old time-piece is the clock standing in William the Fourth s bedroom at Hampton Court, and which Messrs. Qaydon & Sons, of Kingston, were recently commissioned to repair. The clock was made by Dan Quare about the year 16C0, and is one of the most remarkable pieces of automatic mechanism in existence. It is what is commonly known as a "grandfather clock," standing in a very tall oak case, with heavy ormolu mounts There are several particulars in which this clock is almost, if not quite unique. In the first place it goes for twelve months at a time without winding. But more remarkable than this is its ingenious mechanism. It is what is known as a "calendar clock, and besides recording the days of the month and the months of the year, it also automatically shows the time of sunrise and sunset. The last time the clock was over hauled was early in the present century. For the last forty years, however, the clook had not been wound np. It speaks well for the splendid workmanship of our an cestors that, with slight exceptions, Messrs. Qaydon found the works in as perfect a condition as when the clook was originally made, and there is no reason why it should not last for an other 200 years. London Mail. Values Fictitious. The values of enormous diamonds are largely fictitious. They are ac tually uncommercial. The Koh-i-noor weighed nearly 800 carats when it was taken ont of the mines of Oolconda, and the sum of 810,000,000 has been mentioned as a justifiable price for it, on the scale employed in the trade. Hortensio Borghese reduced it in cut ting to 279 carats, and it had to be again cut to 102. The Pitt diamond was sold to the King of France in 1720 for $625,000. The Victoria diamond weighs 302 carats. New York Press. Htreet Cars of Manila. All the street cars in the city ol Manila were made in America. The open cars are thirteen feet six inches long over dashers aud have a seating capacity of twenty passengers. These ears are drawn by Philippine horses, which are About the size of a New foundland dog, and it was, therefore, necessary to make them extremely light and at the same time of the re quired strength. The street railway company is known as the Trans vias de Filipinas. Street Railway Journal. Genius All Heady to Work. Now," said the interviewer, "as to your method of working." "well, replied the great author. 'I take a writing pad " Yes. "And a pencil " "Yes:" "Seek out a quiet spot grasp the pad firmly in one hand and the pencil in the other hand and " "Yes. And " "And write." Philadelphia North American. THE MEKEY SIDE OF LIFE, STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Mary and the LampThe Remains The Vsnal Occupalion He Carved HI Way The Only Thin He Caught Time to Co A Cheap Luxury, Ktc, Etc. Mary had little lamp To keep ber wheel alight; The flame expired; an ofltuer Took Mary out or sight. Next morning In a crowded court, With dignity sublime, Tbe Judge gave Mary thirty days, And now she's doing time. New Kork Herald, The ltemains. "Did you save anything out of that wheat venture?" "Oh, yet; a check stub." Phila delphia North American. The Usual Occupation. "What did you do while you were away on your vacation?" "Sat around while my wife was dressing for meals, most of the time." Chicago News. Good as Capital. Binks "New man in yonr office, 1 see. Looks like a prize-fighter." Winks "He's my silent partner." "Eh? Does he foot the bills?" "No. He foots the collectors." New York Weekly. He Carved His Way. "There goes a man who has literally carved his way to fame." "Who is he?" "The man that won first prize in the n-dressing contest at the butchers' picnic" Chicago News. The Only Thine He Caught. Reelman (to guest) "Oh, I assure you that I never make a business of fishing; I merely fish for recreatiou." Mrs. Reelman "Yes, and that's about the only thing I ever knew him to catch." Richmond Dispatch. A Cheap Luxury. Jabberly "I was thinking of buy ing a bicycle." Gabbler "You were? Where would you get the money?" Jabberly "What money? Itdoesn't cost anything to think of it, does it?" Saturday Night. Time to Go. Mr. Staylate "I hear your mother's Hep on the stairs, and I shall be able to bid her good night." Sleepy Beauty (wearily) "It can't be mother. Sho's a late sleeper. Probably it is the girl coming down to start the fire. "-New York Weekly. He Was Demoralized. "That plate-smashing hired girl oi Climber's must have demoralized him." "How so?" "Why, at the battle of Santiago blamed if he didn't drop four loaded shells and a breech block! Cleve land Plain Dealer. Family Iteseuiulaiices. "Minnie," said a mother to her naughty three-year-old (laughter, "what s the reason you and your little brother, Harry, can't get along with out quarreling?" "I don t know," was the reply, "unless it's because I take after you and Harry takes alter papa. Too Late. "Willie," asked the fond father. "did you obey me and not eat any cherries from the tree to-day 7 "Yes, sir. "That's a good boy. Here's a dimo. and now we'll go out and eat some to gether." "I cleaned em all ont last night. Detroit Free Press. Sympathy. "Don't you feel gloomy?" said the young man who has occasional inter vals of soulfulness, "when the sky is overcast with gray, when the rhythmic rain sounds a dirge upon the roof aud the landscape's beauties are hid by the weeping mist?" "Yes," she answered, with sweet interest. "It's dreadfully annoying. It does make one's hair come out of curl so!" Washington Star. Not to Be Caught. nis tongue clove to the roof of bis mouth. IIthat is," he faltered, you " And then he suddenly caught her to his bosom. "You know what I would say!" he cried. Frigidly she disengaged herself. "Another missing word fake," she muttered, pale but calm. Detroit Journal. Habit. "I thought I had him silenced," re marked the man whose mind stoops to small things. "But I hadn't." "To whom do yon rofcr?" "That old inhabitant who is always declaring that it's the hottest or the noblest weather the city ban known. I strollod up to him and said. 'This is very moderate weather we are having.1 Yes, said ho, 'to my personal knowl edge it's the moderatest weather we've bad in sixty years.' " Washington Star, A Cold-lllooried Girl. "Oh, Mr. Staylate," she said, with out taking her eyes off tho clock, "1 waut to ask yon somethiug about yout taster in tbe way of cookery." "I m charmed to have you take such an interest," was tho unnecessarily earnest reply. "Do you like bacon and eggs for breakfast?" "Why tt sometimes." f "I hope you will speak frankly, be cause if you don't like them we can tell the servant as soon as she comes down stairs to prepare something else." WabhinK ton Star. THE SOLDIER'S TENT. The soldier lay smiling peacefully. Asleep In bis tout on the sward. Tbe Moon crept In and said: "Look at me, A glunce from thy sweetheart I bring to tbee!" But he answered: "I have my sword." Then the rustling Wind drew softly near, Breathed round him with whispers light; "I am tbe sighs ot tby mother dear, Tbe sighs of tby mother am I, dost hear?" But he answered: "I have the fight." Then Night sank down from tho dark'nlng sky Bound the sleeper, and murmured: "Heat!" The sweetheart's veil on thy face doth He." He answered: "No need of it have 1, For the banner doth cover me best." The River came rolling clear and wide, By the tent, with Its silver flood; And said: "I am water, tho cleansing tide, Moro blessed than aught in tho world be side." But be answered: "I have my blood." Then Sleep drew near to his tent, and low She whispered with soothing breath: "I am Bleep, the heulor of ev'ry woe. The dearest treasure of man below." But the soldier replied: "I have dentil!1 Carmen Sylva, In Frank Leslie's Popular Monthly. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Harvey "George said he kissed you. Did he?" Flora (ambiguously) "Not much." Boston Transcript. Boy "Papa, where's Atoms?" Papa "Athens, you mean, my child." Boy "No, papa Atoms, the place where people are blown to." Minnie "At any rate, Mr. Shore is every inch a gentleuia'n." Mamie "That's why it is Biich a pity there is not more of him." Indianapolis Jour nal. Mr. Rich "You ask my daughter in marriage er what may your in oome be?" Mr. Stoney Broke "I will leave that entirely to you, sir!" lid-Bits. . Maud "When I got engaged I don't intend to have auy mystery abont it." Marie "I don't see how you can help it.Jdear. Every one will regard it as a mystery." Brooklyn Life. ATrunkful: "Did your sweetheart write to you while you were away?" "Write to me? I had to give away my clothes so I could bring her letters home with me." Chicago Record. Irate Parents "Tell that youugSoft leigh that he must cease bis visits here. I forbid him the house." Daugh ter "Bnt, papa, he doesn't want the house; it's me that he's after." Chi cago News. Professor "Too bad! One of my pupils to whom I have given two courses of instruction in the cultiva tion of the memory has forgotten to pay me; aud the worst of it iB I can't remember his name!" Peasant "Five dollars for entering this estate." Tourist "But why is no warning sign put up, then?" Peas ant "We had one, but took it down again, for while it was np no one came in." Fliegende Bluetter. Fuddy "Kwivorful, they say, is married again. That is his fourth wife." Duddy "Kwiverful'd better be careful. He'll get caught some day. He'll marry a woman who will live.'.'- Boston Transcript. "You are the first oue I ever heard mention Bradley's literary ability." "Well, I never heard of him writing any books, but I know he can borrow more of them thau any other man I know." Cincinnati Enquirer. The fat man in the piuk blazer rose at once. 'Tlease take my seat!" he arged. The slender girl who carried her lunch, in a music-roll was alto gether overcome. "This is too much!" the protested. Detroit Journal. "Does it make any difference to you which berth you take?" "Not a bit, Ferguson. J list as lief have the lower, There is nothing upperish about mo. t don't mind being climbed over. Well, good night." Chicago Tribune. "Why," he asked, when they were quite alone, "do women always cry at weddings?" The look of withering disdain she gave him gradually soft ened. "Because," she finally an swered, not unkindly. Detroit Jour nal. Professor of Chemistry "If any thing should go wrong iu this export mont we and the laboratory with us might be blown sky-high. Step np closer, gentlemen, so that you may be hotter ablo to follow." Stockholms Dagblad. "My brain is on fire," tragically ex claimed Mrs. Bobkins, as she threw herself down upon tho sofa. "Why don't you blow it out?" absent-mindedly replied Bobkins, deoply absorbed in the evening newspaper. And then he dodged a flying hair-bru.ih. Riding iu an omnibus up Regent street lust evening I heard au old lady aunoying the other passengers by her remarks. The conductor remonstrated with her, saying, "Ma'am, remember you are in a publio vehicle, aud be have as such." Loudon Spectator. Little Eddie "Your nose looks just the same as it always did." Mr. Sparkleigh "Of courso. Why should n't it?" Little Eddie "I heard mamma say, when Mr. Willikins came to see sister May, night before last, that your nose was out of joint." Chicago News. Hardtack, Pollute 1'repalil. Miss Birdie Duly, of Wichita, has received through the mails a piece of hardtack from her brother with the troops at Santiago. There was no covering over the hardtack. A post age stamp was stuck ou one corner and the address was written across it in ink. People who have had iron bound Christmas boxes smashed up in the mail may now begin to realize the hardness of Undo Sam's bread. Kansas City Journal. Land of Theatres. There are more theatres in propor tion to its population in Italy thau elsewhere in the world.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers