4
Tm Forest Republican
U published every Wedaoeday, by
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Offloa in Smearbaugh ft Co.'i Building
' ILM 8TBEET, TIONI8TA, PA.
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Forest Republican,
VOL. XXXI. NO. 28. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCT. 26, 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
Mure woo for the downtrodden
(armor. An English professor an
nounces that the wheat crop will be a
total failure hi 1931.
The English speaking raoes are all
right. The charge of the Twenty
first Lailjers through a body of 2000
ambusjied fauatical Dervishes is an
English contribution to the lesson
which American troops taught at
Caneyand San Juan. It is a great
year this 1898.
New York is to Lave a permanent
exposition, with a capitalization of
20,000,000(for the display of manu
factured products of the United States,
t is proposed to erect immeuse build
ings, and house each line of products
in a separate building. London, Paris,
Berlin and othor European cities now
have such permanent expositions.
The brutal murder of the Empress
Elizabeth adds auother family calam
ity to the many that have afflicted the
unfortunate Franz Josef, of Austria.
He has lost by violent deaths his
favorite brother, the Emperor Maxi
milian, and his only son, the Crown
Prince Rudolph, while it is hardly a
fear ago that his wife's sister, the
Duohesse d'Aloncon, was burned to
leath iu the charity bazaar fire in
Paris. A fate as relentless as any in
Greek tragedy seems to pursue him.
" The murdorer is said to be an Anarch
Ut. What political wrong could be
avenged or advantage to the cause
gained by the killiug of this inoffen
sive woman it lantit be difficult for
even a niilitaut Anarchist to demon
strate. Of all crowned heads in Eu
rope the Austrian Empress was pre
eminent for her efforts to put aside the
trammels of hor rauk aud had notori
ously never interfered with the poli
ties of even her'own country. At the
time of her death she was an invalid
seeking for health and traveling as a
private person. The crime committed
(gainst her cannot bo dignified into a
political assassination; it is the unpro
voked murder ef a helpless womau,
proclaims the New York Sun.
The complete destruction of all dis
ease causing microbes is, of course,
the aim of modern methods of sewage
treatment and disposal, aud in a
method recently devised coloriflo
sterilization is added to the ordinary
processes. The treatment consists
essentially in allowing the sewage to
flow into tanks which are subdivided
in such a mauuer that the liquid
passes through a restricted passago,
where it oomes in contact with a cur
rent of air under pressure. Iu its
passage through the various cells the
olid matter is deposited in a number
of pockets, from which it is subse
quently taken to be dried and burned.
The distinctive feature of the process
occurs in the next operation, where
the liquid, after having been mixed
with alkali, passes through a series of
heat exohangos, in which it cools and
is itself heated by liquid previously
aoted upon. From the heat ex
changers the liquid next passes to the
sterilizers, where it is heated and
propollod through coils by means of
steam jets to anothor vessel. The last
stage iu the treatmont consists in its
passage under a sludge-drying plat
form to a settliug-tank, and its exit
through filters in a pure and whole
some condition.
. Philadelphia was noted for its clean
liness as far back as I860, the Ledger
of that city claims, when the daily per
capita oonsumprion of water was thirty-six
gallons. Conditions as to clean
liness are no better now, when the
average daily per capita use is ovei
200 gallons, and the conclusion is that
the excess consumption over that in
I860 is wasted. With the acknowl
edged vile condition of the water fur
nished in Thiladclphia not much bet
ter use could be made of itjthan to
permit it to run into the sewers, bnt
that is au expensive disposition of it,
as 'the cost of providing the total sup
ply is assessed uniformly npon the
houses or tonemeuts, according to the
size of the supply pipe. As the amount
used by each individual bears no im
mediate relation to the price he pays,
no concern is left regarding leaking
fixtures, and faucets are left conveni
ently turned on day and night. In
many places fans, sewing-machines,
and other small machinery are ruu by
-water-motors, the cost of wbich is a
charge on the general water assess
ment. Appeals to remedy the injus
tice to those who do not waste the
water have been made in vain to the
Councils, and a way is now pointed
out to consumers whereby they can
protect themselves. That is by hav
ing meters p.t in, which can be done
under existing ordinances. Then they
would pay four cents per. thousand
gallons, or about oae-third what thev
THE RETURNINC
They march behind their tattered flag,
Our very hearts it charms,
But spent and slow their footsteps lag,
- The weary men-at-arms.
With gallant haste they stormed the hill,
And dared the deadly tray;
Tbey had no leak of nerve or will
In battle's tearful day.
Though bullets swept their thinning ranks,
They did not pale with drea1.
To-day they smile and utter thanks
Above that roll ot doad.
i MIGUEL, THE
A Tale
HARMED by my
prospects I had
just moved into a
new office in the
Calle de Carenero.
The coolies had
transferred the
furniture with
slight damage, and
three long and
talkative Chinese
carpenters were
puttingupapunka,
or big fan which
swings overhead
a novelty for me,
as I had not
needed one in the old office.
At last the inoessaut, quavering
gabble of the three carpiuteros, com
bined with their marked odor of
opium, sandal-wood aud warm hu
maulty, drove me outside nntil the
work should be finished.
I found at the door a crowd of
natives beside my clerks, who, it
seemed, were candidates for the posi
tion of punkero, or coolie, whose duty
it is to keep the fan swinging during
business hours. Considering the
harrowing monotony of the work, his
pay is very low. They were all boys in
various stages of dirt and nakedness,
exoept one, whose appearanoe attracted
my attention.
lie was a tall, old man, neatly
dressed in snowy shirt and trousers.
with a fine, intelligent face. His hair
was nearly white, which iudicated a
pretty ripe ago, for a Filipino's head
Meldom shows signs of gray ness before
he is fifty, aud I never saw one in the
least bald.
"Does that viejo old fellow want
to be a punkero?" I asked Jose, the
Chief clerk.
"Si, senor," answered Jose, with a
grin like an open piano, "he says he
uoes.
"He doesn't look like it." said I.
"Mira look here viejo, canst thou
not Una better work?"
"No, senor," he answered, respect
fully. "I have a wife and crippled
son to support, senor, and I hope I
may be allowed to serve your graoe.
The old man's Spanish was pure
and good, aud his replies to the few
questions I asked betrayed an educa
tion far superior to that of the ordinary
native. 1 was puzzled to know why
lie should be au applicant for a post
tion generally considered beneath the
dignity of any one but a half-grown
boy from the wilderness; but he was
very retioent in a respectful way, and
dodged my questions most diplomatic
ally. At last I decided to try him, partly
as a curiosity, for no other office in the
place was ornamented by a punkero of
nuoh vecerable and dignified appear
ance." So I told the others to sn-lu clear
out and ordered Jose, much to that
worthy's amazement at my choice, to
install Miguel, as he called himself,
in his position as soon as things were
ready. Furthermore, I told Jose,
with emphasis, to see that the other
clerks attempted no "skylarking" with
the old man.
When I returned I found the punka
in place, and Miguel maiutaining his
dignity wonderfully on a three-legged
stool, with the cord in his hand, which
he began te pull as I entered, filling
the room with a refreshing whirlwind.
Thus old Miguel became a fixture
in my office, and performed his lowly
task faithfully and well. lie was
always at his post when I arrived in
the morning to greet me with "Buenos
dias, senor!" He tugged patiently at
his cord till I donned my jacket and
riding-boots at five o'clock, the signal
for "Buenos noches, senor!" and his
departure.
The old man's one drawback and
that only at first was a persistent
tendency to go to sleep at his post. I
tried to cure him of the habit by saw
ing off one leg of the stool. This kept
him awake an hour or two, but he soon
found that by propping one edge of
the stool against the wall, he could
still take a little nap, and I was obliged
to have another leg of the stool cnt
off. After that I ha 1 no more trouble,
for the effort necessary to balance him
self on the one-legged stool kept the
old man awake.
It was so unusual to see a man of
his age doing such work that my busi
ness friends used to remark upon "11. 's
Punka Methuselah."
Now and then his wife would come
in to see him a dear old coffee-colored
lady, with brilliantly colored skirt
and starched mantilla, while her white,
frizzly hair was adorned with an im
mense horn comb. She was such a
dainty old creature, and the courtesy
with which she always favored me
was so like that of a duchess of the
last century that I could never hesi
tate to rise and bow with the utmost
gravity, which performance created
the wildest hilarity on the part of the
first Englishman who witnessed it,
and I had a bad time at the club table
that evening.
She would invariably inquire, in
eVk Cvt rCCw S. v. V fWNfc v . 7kS A ,
11001 By Charles B. Howard.
A subtler foe, a wilier craft.
Has mowed them since the fight;
L bitter oup their lips barn quaffed.
Fever, and cold, and f-lgbt,
And famine, ghastly enemies,
Have bad them for their prey.
Well may they lag behind the flag,
Our men-at-arms this day.
And home returned, the brilliant skies
Grr- lark to us who see.
Thr " "at blur our pitying eyes,
How -rrat oan be.
Margarot E. 8angster.
PUNKA - COOLIE
of Manila.
funny Spanish, if her husband was
doing his work to my satisfaction, and
I as often assured her that he left
nothing to be desired, whereupon she
would pat his shoulder in approval,
and they would converse in their own
language, all g's and u's apparently.
- One afternoon, toward the end of
June, there entered the office an old
Chinese merchant, Quiu Leng by
name, who long before had lived in
the Philippines, but who now resided
at home in Hongkong, and came
across the troublous China Sea occa
sionally on a business trip.
After the usual long-drawn greet
ings, we proceeded to business and
were deeply involved in the prices of
hemp and sugar when Lis glauoe hap
pened to fall on Miguel, pensively
laboring at the punka-cord, and he
stopped arguing with an abrupt
"Wau-pia!"Jthe Chinaman's usual ex
clamation of surprise.
Then, with an apology to me, he
rose, waddled across the room and
held ont his hand to Miguel, saying,
"Como va, how goes it, Senor
Ortiz?"
Miguel took the proffered hand
with a stately bow, and replied, quiet
ly, "Muy bien, graoias, very well,
thank you, senor. I trust it is well
with your graoe, also?"
All this was very much out of or
der. How came a high-class "Chino"
merchant, and a mandarin of the blue
button at that, to be greeting thus
cordially an old punka-coolie, infinite
ly beneath 'him in that social stand
ing which the Chinaman holds so
sacred?
My bewilderment was probably vis
ible in my face as Quia Leng resumed
his seat, for he smiled like a yellow
half-moon, and said, in his queer
pidgin-Spanish:
"That man, Miguel Ortiz, years
and years ago was the chief clerk and
'majordomo' of Augustin, Ramon y
(Ja a famous old bpanisn house in
Manila, long since failed and gone.
Did you know that?"
I shook my head, and he went on:
"He was discharged for stealing
money, they said. What a pity! I
never believed it. Ah, Miguel and I
were good friends in the old days!"
"How did it happen?" I asked.
"I cannot say," he replied, "but the
story was that Miguel was left alone
in the ofnoe all that afternoon, and
afterward could not acoount for three
hundred silver dollars which had been
brought in. It is strange, also," he
added, looking around. "This is the
very same office they had then!"
"How long ago was it?" I asked.
"Let me see it was the third of
June of the year 18 , I have reason
to remember it well, for it was the same
day that my godown warehouse was
sadly damaged by an earthquake, and
I had to pay eighteen pesos for the
three coolies that were killed in it.
Our business was soon concluded,
and as Quin Leng went out he laid his
long-nailed hand on Miguel s shoulder
and said, smiling, "Back in the same
old nest, old bird, eh?" And Miguel
replied with a quiet, "Si senor."
So this was the story of my queer
punkero, I reflected. Surely he had
been amply punished by all these
years of poverty and degradation re
duced from a position of trust, with
comparative wealth, to living in a uipa
but among the lowest class of natives.
How he had managed to live in the
meantime I never knew; but it troubled
me a good deal during the next few
days to see the patient old fellow at
his mcohanical, ill-paid labor with
that crippled son to support, too, I re
flected. I could not pay him more than other
punka-coclies received without getting
all the other business men down on
me. Although I wanted to give him
some employment more worthy of bis
ability, I was only the agent of a great
house at home, and my responsibilities
were too heavy already to justify my
placing in a position of any trust a man
accused of theft. I knew none of the
other houses would take him, for I
could not conscientiously recommend
him, and younger clerks were to be
had in plenty.
So punkero he remained, till one
day, during a rush of business, another
clerk was needed at the godown to help
check and tally weights. As no one
else was available at the moment, I
sent Miguel down. In the afternoon
he brought back his tally-sheets, so
accurately and neatly made out that I
concluded after all to keep him at that
work, lor there would be no possible
opportunity for dishonesty of any sort,
aud it would enable me to raise his
wages slightly.
bo a new punkero, considerably less
remarkable in aspect, was established
on the one-legged stool, and Miguel
spent his days in the godown, report
ing at the office late every afternoon.
lie displayed little or no appreciation
of his promotion, and when on pay day
I hauded him the additional pesos, he
merely thanked me gravely; but the
next morning I found his senora wait
ing for me, aud she was so overpower-
ingly demonstrative in her gratitude
that she demoralized the whole office
force for a time.
Odo day in July, the worst season
of the year nntil the rains come
Miguel had appeared as usual with
his tally-sheets, and spread them out
for my inspection on the big table
which was built into the wall in one
corner, like a shelf. It had been a
handsome table in its day, made of
some dark, polished native wood, cut
in heavy slabs. A massive, carved leg
supported the corner which extended
out into the room; but its days of
beauty were past.
The thousands of big silver dollars
that had been rattled and counted on
its surface had sadly dimmed its pol
ish; earthquakes had cracked it, as
well as the office walls and ceiling,
and some great convulsion had caused
the walls in that corner to settle, so
that the old tablo tilted rather awk
wardly, and everything deposited on
it had a tendency to coast rapidly
down into the corner.
The day had been hotter and sul
trier than usual, with that ominous
stillness in the air that always seems
to forebode some strauge eveut, and I
felt tired aud stupid as I leaned over
the sheets and tried to foot up the
totals, while Miguel stood by, waiting
for my hnal approval.
The very air, stirred by the punka,
felt thick aud heavy, aud the drowsy
creak, as the great fan swnng slowly
to and fro, aud au occasional sleepy
cry from the street were all the sounds
I heard as I muttered, "Fifty bales,
seventy-five, a hundred" and then I
stopped, for the table was trembling
under my hancs, and strange, groan
ing sounds were coming from the
walls.
"Terremoto earthquake senor,"
said Miguel, calmly.
There had been several slight
shocks during the last few days, but
none heavy enough to disturb us. and
we had beoome quite used to them, so
I merely waited a moment, and then
went on: "One twenty-five, oue fifty"
and that was as far as I got that day,
At this point a heavy jarring came;
and a horrid, up-and-down, sideways
and diagonal movement of everything
around us, together with the loud
grinding of big timbers, warned us
that this was no ordinary shake-up
Indoors was then no place for those
who valued life and limb, so Miguel
and the new punkero and I waited no
longer, but dropped everything and
dashed for the door.
I remembered, long afterward, that
old Miguel, in the midst of a dauger
more appalling to the mind than any
other I know of, stood aside, with the
instinctive oonrtesy of the old days, to
let me, the younger man, but his gefe
chief pass out first.
The clerks had stampeded at the
first shudder. As I went'on the fly
ing jump down the stairs, which were
swaying and cracking apart, a heavy
crash somewhere told of a falling
beam. I reached the street just in
time to see a huge sheet of galvanized
iron slide from the roof of the build
ing opposite and come swinging and
clanging down, while a shower of
broken tiles, shaken from the roof of
our building, clattered on the sidewalk
close beside me.
From every doorway and a good
many windows terrified people Mere
running or jumping, and I was carried
along with the mob of shrieking, pray
ing and gesticulating natives and
Chinamen, with here and there a pale
but silent Englishman, toward the
open square at the end of the street,
A couple of ponies, struggling iu their
harness, added their maddened
screams to the uproar, and a great,
tame buffalo, stupid with fear, lay
down in the road and allowed tho
crowd to surge over him.
By the time we reached the open
spaoe the earthquake had thundered
itself far away to the south, and old
mother earth was iu her right mind
once more.
"lij Jove," exclaimed a young
liriton, elbowing his way toward me,
"that was the heaviest I ever felt,
H.I How long do you think it was?"
A Scotchman, just out from home,
vowed that it had seemed to him about
two hours, but a more minute calcula
tion brought it down to something like
fifteen seconds.
Nothing ou earth would have in
duced a native to re-enter a building
that evening, and we "Ingleses" felt
a mutual disinclination 1o do so our
selves. I had put things away and
closed the safe just before Miguel
came in, so I concluded to let things
remain as they might be until morn
ing, and to go home and see how my
house in the suburbs had borne the
excitement.
I found everything intact, with the
exception of ray servants' nerves aud
a few trifles in the way of crockery,
and at last got to bed iu a state of
thankfulness that things were no
worse.
Mother earth, having played her
little joke, behaved in a manner more
befitting her age that night, and I
rose in the morning to find the wel
come rain at last pouring as it only
can pour in the tropics, and the air
cool and fresh. On arriving at the
office building, I found my entire
clerical force assembled outside, wait
ing for the encouragement of my pres
ence before entering, and I headed a
small procession np the rickety, bnt
still serviceable stairs.
The office was in fairly good shape,
all things considered. The safe was
rakishly askew, aud presented the ap
pearance of trying to look around the
corner; and the old table had de
tached itself from the wall, vanquished
its solitary leg, and lay in the middle
of the room, leaving a ragged gap in
the walls, while the floor was strewn
with Miguel's tally-sheets. I set the
clerks to work gathering these up,
while I endeavored to open the sate.
Suddenly a clerk on his hands and
knees in the corner exclaimed, "Mira,
senor!" ,
"Que hay what is it?" said I,
straggling with the refractory door.
"Pesos iollars senorl A lot of
them!"
"What are you talking about?" said
I, slipping over to him.
There on the floor lay a scattered
heap of silver dollars, mingled with
the fragments of an old inkstand and
odds and ends of stationery. I
picked up several pieces, and on
examining the dates, found them to
be all of the coinage of over thirty
years before. I was stooping in
amazement for auother handful, when
old Miguel, with a strange cry, shoved
me aside with scant ceremony, and
throwing himself down on his knees,
plunged his hands into the heap and
examining them with feverish excite
ment, like the most grasping old miser.
"Que tiene tu what is the matter
with you Miguel?" I demanded,
rather testily, as I recovered my bal
ance. The old man slowly looked np.
"They said I was a thief, senorl And
see, here is the money!" and in a
flash I saw how it had all happened,
I sat down in the nearest chair and
stared at the big hole in the wall from
which the money had fallen. It must
have been lying on the table that day
so long ago, and when the earthquake
that damaged Quin Leng's godown
had occurred, the table had probably
ripped slightly away from the wall,
and tilted up as the floor settled. The
silver and other thiugs must have
poured down into the space thus
opened, which had closed np when
the convulsion was over, and bnried
the dollars and Miguel's good name
in a common grave for all these years,
Now was the old man grubbing
among the dollars and muttering hia
wife s name over and over, and I was
forgetting my Spanish iu my efforts to
soothe him. I hey clerks were gap
ing at us both,' and that utterly de
moralized safe was leering at the
whole crowd, when old Quin Leng, a
pigtailed vision in white silk and blue
cap, came toddling in to see how we
had survive the catastrophe. He
grasped the whole situation at
glance, like the wise old celestial that
he was.
It would be a long story to tell how
the kind old heathen gentleman un
dertook to see that justice was done
lor his old friend; how we. wrote to
bpain and found the only descendant
of Senor Augustin, who tnrned out to
be a good fellow when the facts were
proved to him, and instructed the
Spanish bank of Manila to pay his
father's old servant a monthly sum
which would keep him and his family
in comfort for life.
When I saw Quin Leng afterward,
he remarked that an earthquake iu
the capacity of a benefactor was a
unique idea, which was one way of
quoting the proverb about an ill-wind
and its ways. Youth s Companion,
An Interesting Clock.
A most interesting old time-piece is
the clock standing in William the
Fourth s bedroom at Hampton Court,
and which Messrs. Qaydon & Sons, of
Kingston, were recently commissioned
to repair.
The clock was made by Dan Quare
about the year 16C0, and is one of the
most remarkable pieces of automatic
mechanism in existence. It is what
is commonly known as a "grandfather
clock," standing in a very tall oak
case, with heavy ormolu mounts
There are several particulars in which
this clock is almost, if not quite
unique. In the first place it goes for
twelve months at a time without
winding. But more remarkable than
this is its ingenious mechanism. It
is what is known as a "calendar
clock, and besides recording the days
of the month and the months of the
year, it also automatically shows the
time of sunrise and sunset.
The last time the clock was over
hauled was early in the present
century. For the last forty years,
however, the clook had not been
wound np. It speaks well for the
splendid workmanship of our an
cestors that, with slight exceptions,
Messrs. Qaydon found the works in as
perfect a condition as when the clook
was originally made, and there is no
reason why it should not last for an
other 200 years. London Mail.
Values Fictitious.
The values of enormous diamonds
are largely fictitious. They are ac
tually uncommercial. The Koh-i-noor
weighed nearly 800 carats when it was
taken ont of the mines of Oolconda,
and the sum of 810,000,000 has been
mentioned as a justifiable price for it,
on the scale employed in the trade.
Hortensio Borghese reduced it in cut
ting to 279 carats, and it had to be
again cut to 102. The Pitt diamond
was sold to the King of France in 1720
for $625,000. The Victoria diamond
weighs 302 carats. New York Press.
Htreet Cars of Manila.
All the street cars in the city ol
Manila were made in America. The
open cars are thirteen feet six inches
long over dashers aud have a seating
capacity of twenty passengers. These
ears are drawn by Philippine horses,
which are About the size of a New
foundland dog, and it was, therefore,
necessary to make them extremely
light and at the same time of the re
quired strength. The street railway
company is known as the Trans vias de
Filipinas. Street Railway Journal.
Genius All Heady to Work.
Now," said the interviewer, "as to
your method of working."
"well, replied the great author.
'I take a writing pad "
Yes.
"And a pencil "
"Yes:"
"Seek out a quiet spot grasp the
pad firmly in one hand and the pencil
in the other hand and "
"Yes. And "
"And write." Philadelphia North
American.
THE MEKEY SIDE OF LIFE,
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Mary and the LampThe Remains The
Vsnal Occupalion He Carved HI Way
The Only Thin He Caught Time to
Co A Cheap Luxury, Ktc, Etc.
Mary had little lamp
To keep ber wheel alight;
The flame expired; an ofltuer
Took Mary out or sight.
Next morning In a crowded court,
With dignity sublime,
Tbe Judge gave Mary thirty days,
And now she's doing time.
New Kork Herald,
The ltemains.
"Did you save anything out of that
wheat venture?"
"Oh, yet; a check stub." Phila
delphia North American.
The Usual Occupation.
"What did you do while you were
away on your vacation?"
"Sat around while my wife was
dressing for meals, most of the time."
Chicago News.
Good as Capital.
Binks "New man in yonr office, 1
see. Looks like a prize-fighter."
Winks "He's my silent partner."
"Eh? Does he foot the bills?"
"No. He foots the collectors."
New York Weekly.
He Carved His Way.
"There goes a man who has literally
carved his way to fame."
"Who is he?"
"The man that won first prize in the
n-dressing contest at the butchers'
picnic" Chicago News.
The Only Thine He Caught.
Reelman (to guest) "Oh, I assure
you that I never make a business of
fishing; I merely fish for recreatiou."
Mrs. Reelman "Yes, and that's
about the only thing I ever knew him
to catch." Richmond Dispatch.
A Cheap Luxury.
Jabberly "I was thinking of buy
ing a bicycle."
Gabbler "You were? Where would
you get the money?"
Jabberly "What money? Itdoesn't
cost anything to think of it, does it?"
Saturday Night.
Time to Go.
Mr. Staylate "I hear your mother's
Hep on the stairs, and I shall be able
to bid her good night."
Sleepy Beauty (wearily) "It can't
be mother. Sho's a late sleeper.
Probably it is the girl coming down to
start the fire. "-New York Weekly.
He Was Demoralized.
"That plate-smashing hired girl oi
Climber's must have demoralized
him."
"How so?"
"Why, at the battle of Santiago
blamed if he didn't drop four loaded
shells and a breech block! Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
Family Iteseuiulaiices.
"Minnie," said a mother to her
naughty three-year-old (laughter,
"what s the reason you and your little
brother, Harry, can't get along with
out quarreling?"
"I don t know," was the reply,
"unless it's because I take after you
and Harry takes alter papa.
Too Late.
"Willie," asked the fond father.
"did you obey me and not eat any
cherries from the tree to-day 7
"Yes, sir.
"That's a good boy. Here's a dimo.
and now we'll go out and eat some to
gether." "I cleaned em all ont last night.
Detroit Free Press.
Sympathy.
"Don't you feel gloomy?" said the
young man who has occasional inter
vals of soulfulness, "when the sky is
overcast with gray, when the rhythmic
rain sounds a dirge upon the roof aud
the landscape's beauties are hid by
the weeping mist?"
"Yes," she answered, with sweet
interest. "It's dreadfully annoying.
It does make one's hair come out of
curl so!" Washington Star.
Not to Be Caught.
nis tongue clove to the roof of bis
mouth.
IIthat is," he faltered,
you "
And then he suddenly caught her to
his bosom.
"You know what I would say!" he
cried.
Frigidly she disengaged herself.
"Another missing word fake," she
muttered, pale but calm. Detroit
Journal.
Habit.
"I thought I had him silenced," re
marked the man whose mind stoops to
small things. "But I hadn't."
"To whom do yon rofcr?"
"That old inhabitant who is always
declaring that it's the hottest or the
noblest weather the city ban known. I
strollod up to him and said. 'This is
very moderate weather we are having.1
Yes, said ho, 'to my personal knowl
edge it's the moderatest weather we've
bad in sixty years.' " Washington
Star,
A Cold-lllooried Girl.
"Oh, Mr. Staylate," she said, with
out taking her eyes off tho clock, "1
waut to ask yon somethiug about yout
taster in tbe way of cookery."
"I m charmed to have you take such
an interest," was tho unnecessarily
earnest reply.
"Do you like bacon and eggs for
breakfast?"
"Why tt sometimes."
f "I hope you will speak frankly, be
cause if you don't like them we can
tell the servant as soon as she comes
down stairs to prepare something
else." WabhinK ton Star.
THE SOLDIER'S TENT.
The soldier lay smiling peacefully.
Asleep In bis tout on the sward.
Tbe Moon crept In and said: "Look at me,
A glunce from thy sweetheart I bring to
tbee!"
But he answered: "I have my sword."
Then the rustling Wind drew softly near,
Breathed round him with whispers light;
"I am tbe sighs ot tby mother dear,
Tbe sighs of tby mother am I, dost hear?"
But he answered: "I have the fight."
Then Night sank down from tho dark'nlng
sky
Bound the sleeper, and murmured:
"Heat!"
The sweetheart's veil on thy face doth He."
He answered: "No need of it have 1,
For the banner doth cover me best."
The River came rolling clear and wide,
By the tent, with Its silver flood;
And said: "I am water, tho cleansing tide,
Moro blessed than aught in tho world be
side." But be answered: "I have my blood."
Then Sleep drew near to his tent, and low
She whispered with soothing breath:
"I am Bleep, the heulor of ev'ry woe.
The dearest treasure of man below."
But the soldier replied: "I have dentil!1
Carmen Sylva, In Frank Leslie's Popular
Monthly.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Harvey "George said he kissed
you. Did he?" Flora (ambiguously)
"Not much." Boston Transcript.
Boy "Papa, where's Atoms?"
Papa "Athens, you mean, my child."
Boy "No, papa Atoms, the place
where people are blown to."
Minnie "At any rate, Mr. Shore
is every inch a gentleuia'n." Mamie
"That's why it is Biich a pity there is
not more of him." Indianapolis Jour
nal. Mr. Rich "You ask my daughter
in marriage er what may your in
oome be?" Mr. Stoney Broke "I
will leave that entirely to you, sir!"
lid-Bits.
. Maud "When I got engaged I
don't intend to have auy mystery abont
it." Marie "I don't see how you can
help it.Jdear. Every one will regard
it as a mystery." Brooklyn Life.
ATrunkful: "Did your sweetheart
write to you while you were away?"
"Write to me? I had to give away
my clothes so I could bring her letters
home with me." Chicago Record.
Irate Parents "Tell that youugSoft
leigh that he must cease bis visits
here. I forbid him the house." Daugh
ter "Bnt, papa, he doesn't want the
house; it's me that he's after." Chi
cago News.
Professor "Too bad! One of my
pupils to whom I have given two
courses of instruction in the cultiva
tion of the memory has forgotten to
pay me; aud the worst of it iB I can't
remember his name!"
Peasant "Five dollars for entering
this estate." Tourist "But why is
no warning sign put up, then?" Peas
ant "We had one, but took it down
again, for while it was np no one came
in." Fliegende Bluetter.
Fuddy "Kwivorful, they say, is
married again. That is his fourth
wife." Duddy "Kwiverful'd better
be careful. He'll get caught some
day. He'll marry a woman who will
live.'.'- Boston Transcript.
"You are the first oue I ever heard
mention Bradley's literary ability."
"Well, I never heard of him writing
any books, but I know he can borrow
more of them thau any other man I
know." Cincinnati Enquirer.
The fat man in the piuk blazer rose
at once. 'Tlease take my seat!" he
arged. The slender girl who carried
her lunch, in a music-roll was alto
gether overcome. "This is too much!"
the protested. Detroit Journal.
"Does it make any difference to you
which berth you take?" "Not a bit,
Ferguson. J list as lief have the lower,
There is nothing upperish about mo.
t don't mind being climbed over.
Well, good night." Chicago Tribune.
"Why," he asked, when they were
quite alone, "do women always cry at
weddings?" The look of withering
disdain she gave him gradually soft
ened. "Because," she finally an
swered, not unkindly. Detroit Jour
nal. Professor of Chemistry "If any
thing should go wrong iu this export
mont we and the laboratory with us
might be blown sky-high. Step np
closer, gentlemen, so that you may be
hotter ablo to follow." Stockholms
Dagblad.
"My brain is on fire," tragically ex
claimed Mrs. Bobkins, as she threw
herself down upon tho sofa. "Why
don't you blow it out?" absent-mindedly
replied Bobkins, deoply absorbed
in the evening newspaper. And then
he dodged a flying hair-bru.ih.
Riding iu an omnibus up Regent
street lust evening I heard au old lady
aunoying the other passengers by her
remarks. The conductor remonstrated
with her, saying, "Ma'am, remember
you are in a publio vehicle, aud be
have as such." Loudon Spectator.
Little Eddie "Your nose looks
just the same as it always did." Mr.
Sparkleigh "Of courso. Why should
n't it?" Little Eddie "I heard
mamma say, when Mr. Willikins came
to see sister May, night before last,
that your nose was out of joint."
Chicago News.
Hardtack, Pollute 1'repalil.
Miss Birdie Duly, of Wichita, has
received through the mails a piece of
hardtack from her brother with the
troops at Santiago. There was no
covering over the hardtack. A post
age stamp was stuck ou one corner
and the address was written across it
in ink. People who have had iron
bound Christmas boxes smashed up in
the mail may now begin to realize the
hardness of Undo Sam's bread.
Kansas City Journal.
Land of Theatres.
There are more theatres in propor
tion to its population in Italy thau
elsewhere in the world.