Tiie Forest Republican Is published every Wedaos Jay, by 4. E. WENK. Oflloe In Smearbangh ft Co.' BulltHnj ILM STREET, TIOXE3T1, PA. Trm, . Ol.ou Per Vear. No subscriptions received tor a shorter period than three months. Correspondent- solicited from all parts of tba country. No notlo will be taken ol anonymous oominDaioallooa. RATES OF ADVERTISINGi Forest Republican. VOL. XXXI. NO. 29. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, NOV. 2, 1898. $1.00 PER ANNUM. On Square, on Inch, on Insertion..! 100 tn Square, on inch, on month . .. IOO On Square, oo inoh, three months. . 5 00 One Square, on inch, on year...., 10 Oil lro txjuares, one year.... ..... 15)4) Quarter Column, on year... . ...... 9) W Hal Column, on year. 50 00 On Column, on year.. . ......... 100 00 Leeal advertise in eat ten cent per lis each insertion. Marriages and death notices gratis. All bills lor yt-ariy advertisement collected quarterly Temporary advertisement must be paid in advance. Job work caaii oo delivery. Anarchy wears its moat hideous aspect when it seeks its victims among feeble and grief-stricken women. Don't go to the Klondike and hunt gold, Oo to Forto Bioo and raise coffee. Southeast by east the star ol empire takes its way. One llerr Rohrig ont Prinoe Bis marok's hair from 1890 to 1898. He carefully sarod up all the shorn looks, and now proposes to soil them in small sections. Here is a now terror added to the death of great men. A man was on his way to be married, He got on an express train by mis take. Finding that there was no stop at his station, he palled the bell oord and got off. Is he liable to punish ment? is now the question. It will be interesting to see if railroad com panies love a lover. A Connecticut man has left his en. tire savings, amounting to twelve thou sand dollars, for a monument to be ereotod to his memory. How muoh bettor it would have been to put this money into a 'memorial library! The monument will do nobody any good, t will be infrequently seen, and it will not make the towu a hotter plaoe to live in, whilo a library would have been a lasting reminder of his generosity and common sense. Kaiser Wilhelm has struck another blow at the Frenoh. A recent army order commands the suppression of the terms Premier .Lieutenant and Seconds Lieutenaut and the substitu tion of Ober and Unter Lientenant instead. The title-remains, therefore, half Gorman and half Frenoh, and First Lieutenants willjbo easilyj con fused . with Lieutenant-Colonels, Oberst Lientonants. An imperial at-, tempt at Oermanizing the Frenoh title Lieutenant would have been Interest' ing. It is a very pretty proposition made by General Sir Herbert Kitchener that a college and medical sohool be csto lished at Khartum, in memory of Gen eral Gordon, devoted to the education of mi of Sheiks and othor young men, graduation from which should qualify one to hold Govennmeiit posts. It would cost, ho says, $300,000; and he believes the British mblio would subscribe it. That is the way war is made nowadays by nations that feel responsibility for territories acquired inward" If it be true, as claimed, that the . long-looked-for 'new match has been tuvented it iM"ff great importance. 'An Englishman a'nd'a Berlin chemist have announced tho invention of a match which will .strike anywhere aud of which phosphorus is At a compo nent part.' The nwbjot Wiction' mato?cSwe liable ecrosis, hor rible form of ja1; as result ofjthe use of pliosfus, and in Europe large rewards halb been offered for a suitable substitute 9r this dangerous .substance.- It is to be hoped that the substitute has been found. Lovers of fresh fruits will rejoice at - California sugar kin, Claus Spreoklos, says the New York World. He has . begun building a railroad from a point in the San Joaquin Valley over, the 'Tejon Pass into Los Angeles. This will conneot south of the pass with the Atchison system and north of it with the new San Francisco and Los Angeles road; whiob means that all of the great fruit districts of' California , are to be provided with a competing railroad route to the Eastern States. This in turn means that an abandonee of grapes, figs, apricots, pears, peaches and plums will soon be furnished io us fresh and cheap. - A serious qdestion has arisen in Now Jersey oonoerning a gravestone. It seems that the relatives of person who is buried in a oemetery at Eliza beth desire to perpetuate his memory, in accordance with his express wish, by plaoing at the grave a large boulder whloh has been brought from his-farm and adorned with a suitable inscrip tion. The appearance of the huge stone is not satisfactory, however, to some of the neighboring lot owners, and at their instance the authorities ol the cemetery have refused to allow it to be placed therein. The rights of tot owners in respect to the monuments whioh they may ereot must depend upon the particular contraot with the cemetery association, or upon the statutes of the State in which the ceme tery is situated. It is usual for the proprietary corporation to reserve for Itself the power of final control in suctt matters, and where that power is exer cised with discretion there is rarely any difficulty. There are many ceme teries in whioh natural boulders have been erected into very suitable and handsome mounmenU. THE BILLS I They rally round my bed at night, A grim and ghostly band. In tattered uniforms of white The gaunt battalions stand. I waton them march and oounter march, I hear the bugles play, As In review they pass me by The Bills I Cannot Pay. In daytime, when I walk abroad, And seemingly alone, Tbey form In unsoen companies, To other eyes unknown. But I oan hear their measured tread Behind me all the way This Inlthtul bodyguard of mine, The Bills I Cannot Pay. AUNT BINA'S QUILT. A WAR-TIME EPISODE. NDETERRED from her purpose by ridicule aud objections, Aunt Bina Emerson had pieced the quilt only from bits of calico given her by the women and girls in Eden that she liked. It was tho lone woman's "love-quilt," with her shades of affeotion deliberately outlined in the tiny irregular pieces composing it. t "I won't have any pieces in it that oall up anybody that's stingy or stuok up or meddlesome or cruel," she said. "I'll have it just as near like fresh air and sunshine as it can be, so when I'm sick it'll loom like a nice, bright story." "But you needn't have counted every stitoh," protested Her sister, Mrs. Billings, in whose honfe she had her cozy room. "Anybody would think you were an astronomer counting stars, to see how particular you've been," added pretty Hetty Barton, for. whose benefit the quilt was now exhibited; and she looked at the paper, .covered with cabalistio figuring, which was Aunt Bina's actual record of stitches set.- "Woll, stars or stitches, we like to boo how many we've cot, aud counting is only a pastime. The minister says we can't think of two things at the same time, but somehow I can connt my stitches aud have most profitable thoughts right along. I liko the way I've tlisposed of my lights and darks, don't you?" Aunt Bina shook out the great square complacently. "It is beautiful 1" Hetty -exclaimed. "Why, you've got a piece of my light blue in tho niiddlo; and hero is my pink, and there is my dark blue!" "Yes; that's because I " Aunt Bina had almost said "love you," but she was not in the habit of expressing herself in that way. , The young girl look 3d at her ques tioningly, then suddenly stooped and dropped a kiss upon her forehead. "Don't be foolish, child," said Aunt Bina, Wbojn the last minute trianglo was finally sot in its corner, Mrs. Billings mado a "quilting," to which every woman came who was inyited, for it was well ' understood by this time that goodness, as well as gowns ac cording to Aunt Bina'a measurement was fsjpreseuted. . ' She- ought to know who amongst as is augelio, after being in our sick rooms and kitchens for so many years," they said. 4j those days quiltings were sup posed to be enlivened by muoh gos sip, but the women who gathered that afternoon, in the spring of 1862, wore anxious faces and had but one theme of conversation, the sacrifices that the overburdened nation seemed to be preparing to ask from them. "They have opened a recruiting office," said one to another. "Captain Pillsbury'a in oharge. His furlough is almost up, but he moans to get a oompany enlisted be fore he goes back," was the next bit of news. "I should think we were far enough out of the world to be let alone," said Mrs. Hastings, as she snapped the cord, wet in starch water, across the triangles. "That's crooked!" interrupted her neighbor, referring to the work; then she added, coming back to the topic, "But I don't wonder yoa feel so, with three grown sons to worry about." ' "We've no boys to spare, here in Eden" added Mrs. Thurston, "but Massachusetts hasn't failed to do her part so far, aud I've expected our time would come." "HerJohn'll be one of the first to enlist, now you see!" whispered two busy workers on the opposite side of the quilt. And so it proved; for whon at twi light the husbands nqd brothers came in to partake of Mrs. Billings bounti ful supper, bringing the Boston pa pers and the news of the day, they gave the names of those who had en listed that afternoon, and the first ono was John Thurston's. "And probably Harry Thnrton Avill join that company before it's filled; but his mother needn't know about John now," they said. So it was whispered in the room where 1she sat; bnt she understood the message that passed from eye to eyo. Hetty Barton understood, too, although sho did not riise her eyes from the line where she was setting small, even stitches. The air waves were full of echoes in '02, and Hetty did not need even John's words, which came later in the evening, to confirm their dire prophecies. Then how the war fever spread through Eden! Around the recruiting-office, where a large flag proudly Hosted, on the store steps, at the post CANNOT PAY. And yet I would not part with them, It suoh a thing might be, For many are the stories That these statements tell to me. They whisper tales ot credit days When oil the world was gay The days when I created them, These Bills I Cannot Pay. So leave me not, O trusty friends, Your songs delight my ears. In hearing thorn I feol agnln The joys of othor yeurc. . You bring the old-tline pluosurus buck In glorious array And so I bless yon, every one, O Bills I Cannot Poyl Randolph Hartley, In Lite. oflloe, out on the country roads and beside the fenoos, while horses stood still in the furrows, men gathered to talk about the boys who were going to the war. The village paper printed a long list oue week -and as it was read with tear-dimmed eyes, the people said, "it seems as though nil Eden is going." Then, one bright Juno morning the sun (hone v.pou a company of eager young soldiers in new blue suits with shining brass buttons. It fell upou the fathers and mothers aud friends, who stood grouped sear the long wagons which were ready to take "Company I" to the nearest railroad station. The white-hair'd old pastor offered the last prayer, and with flut tering flags, beating drums, huzzas and waving caps, the brave soldier boys were borne away. A strange hush fell upon the small town. It bad always boen a staid and sober place; but now it almost seemed as though life had gone out of it. Hard work became a blessed necessity to old and young. The girls learned to drive horses that were not "steady," to ride mowing-machines, to help plau the farm work, to do "everything but sing bass," which tbey would not learn'to do. But thereal.life of the place depended upon news from the boys after all; and the coming of the old yellow stage twioe each day quiokened heart-throbs as did nothing else. Two years passed, and the suspense was not yet over. Some of the Eden boys had gone beyond the sound of bugle-call, a few were iu hospitals, but most of them wore iu action that dreadful spring of '04, when news of battle after battle flashed over the land. Eden was at its height of anxiety as the people gathered for worship in the white churoh one Sunday morning the last of May. Hymns, Scripture read ing aud prayer were over, and the old pastor arose, but instead of beginning his sermon he said: , "Late last nightword came that there is great need everything for use on battle-fields and in hospitals. Tho sanitary commission begs ns to send cotton and flannel garments, socks, sheets, quilts, old cotton and linen everything we can gather, at onoe. It would be cruel to keep you women who can use needles here with hands folded over your Bible's when the need is so great. You are invited to gather immediately at the home of Mrs. Grow lor worn, ana may uoa s blessing go with you." There were children in that congre gation who still remember how, with one impulse, all the women aroso and reverently left the churoh. The law of Sabbatn observance in Eden was Puritanic, but those who would not sew on a missing button under ordinary circumstances were soon seated, needles in band, wearing the exalted look which means a great emergency. Mrs. Grow was president of the Soldiers' Aid, and her husband kept the village store. This was opened and neoessary materials were taken from it. The only two sewing ma chines in the village were already there, and were soon clicking an accompaniment to the su,bdued voices of the busy workers. A delegation, one of whom was Aunt Bina, was sent out to gather whatever could be found ready for use. "I'm glad to got out in the open air," said she. "It stifles me to sit there like a funeral in Mrs. Grow's parlor. Seems 's if it would kill me to see the look in Mis' Hasting's eyes since Harry was shot." "They knew you could tell just where to go for supplies," replied Mrs. Kent. "We must get sheets and quilts aud old linen. Have you any quilts to spare at your house, Aunt Bina?" "I'm sure sister has some, and yes, I've got an extra blanket or two. Come in." Whilo Mrs. Billings was collecting her contribution, Aunt Bina was iu her room upon her knees. When she euteredthe parlor again a few minutes later, she bore in her arms a pair of soft, white blankets aud her love quilt. "Bina Emerson!" exclaimed her sister. "You don't mean that you're going to send that qui.lt?" "Yes, I am!" cried Aunt Biua, her face quivering. "Nothing's too good for our boys. I won't send 'em old things I don't want; they shall have this." It was useless to argue, nor in that Tiour of supreme devotion did any one care to do so; but when it was known that Auut Biua had sacrificed her treasure, it aroused a splendid rivalry which brought together just such stores as were needed. All day the good work went on, and at night tfee men, weary of their enforced idleness, packed barrels and b oxes ready to ship in theearly morn ing. Aunt Bina reached her room again at twilight, taking with her Hetty Barton. "You know I've sent my quilt to the soldiers?" she asked, hesitatingly. "Yen, they told me so. I think it was so generous of you," Hetty re plied, in an absent-minded way, as she twisted the plain gold ring ou her finger. "I had plannod to give it to you. Hetty. There's nobody I like so well as you and John; but now " Hetty's eyes were full of dumb agony. Suddenly slipping from the chair to her knees, she buried her face in Aunt Bina's lap. "Oh! oh!" she sobbed, "you needn't think about that. It has been two long weoks since I heard from him. John wouldn't treat me so, Aunt Bini, un less " and then the girl could say no more. Aunt Bina's tears fell upon the brown braids. "There, there! don't give way. I guess John is all right." "Oh, but ho always wrote! He wasn't careloss, like some of the boys. Do you know his father and mother are almost sick. They think he is " "There, there!" comforted Aunt Bina. "I believe Johu will live to come home; that's my faith. Why, we've got to believe it, Hetty! If we didn't, how could we live through it!" Even whilo they slept and talked, John was lying in one of the Wash ington hospitals. He had been terri bly wounded, and after many delays was brough there with one leg ampu tated and his right arm disabled. His nurse, n bright little woman from Maine, tried in every way to arouse him. "I believe he wants to die," she said to the surgeon. "1 can hardly persuade him to eat." "Probably he does," replied the weary-eyed man. "He had a mag nificent physique, and such a fellow feels that he oannot face life warned iu this fashion. I've often had suoh cases. If you can only get him past this first shock " The busy man hurried away without finishing his sentence, but the nurse understood. A few nights later a lot of boxes arrived in response to the urgeut call for hospital supplies, and John's purse eagerly claimed some of their precious oontents. "I need blankets in my ward," she said, "and oh, here is a beautiful quilt! This will cheer my poor boys like a bouquet of flow ers." The nurse from Maine was one of the best iu'the hospital, and no one ob jected when the carried away the quilt and placed it gently over her favorite patient. "Perhaps it will keep his eyes off the blank wall," she said to herself, with a sigh. When the first morning light ehone in through the long, narrow windows, the young soldier opened his eyes, al most resenting the knowledge that he had slept better than usual. As he looked lauguidly to see. if his nurse had given him an extra blanket, he saw a now quilt, and at the same mo ment was conscious of a faint perfume of rose-leaves, perceptible even in that sickening atmosphere. He closed his eyes and saw the bushes under the parlor windows at home, laden with great red roses, as they had been the morning he left Eden. He had started out that morn ing with a bud in his buttonhole, and another between his lips "decked for the sacritloe," he thought, with a spasm of bittei ness. With his left hand he pulled the quilt nearer. It was made of many, many 'small triangles! "Mother's dress!" he murmured, placing his fin ger upon a brown bit with a tiny white spray in it. "Hetty!" and a wave of color rose to his pale face, as he caressed a triangle of pink. For the first time since he was placed upon that cot, great tears rolled down his cheeks. The spell of despair was broken. Life was sweet, after all. "Mother and Hetty won't mind if I am a poor one-legged fellow," he sobbed. All the bitterness and rebellion melted out of his heart as he lay there quietly crying; and when his nurse came in he greeted her with a smile that transfigured his face. "This is Aunt Bina's quilt!" said he. "I don't know how it got here, but it is. Now, nurse, bring on your broth, for I'm going to got well." "It's been better than medicine," the delighted woman declared to the doctor. "He's given me his address, and I've already writteu to his mother. "And I've shown that quilt to all my boys, and told them about the dear old maid who counted all the stitches and thought so much of her 'love quilt,' and how hard it must have been to give it up. They're all brighter aud better for it. 'Why,' they say, 'do the folks at home think so much of us as that?' " Years have passed since that day, aud John and Hetty are elderly people now, with boys aud girls growing np around them. John found that his brains could do better service for him than even pbyeical energy, and has become a successful and conscientious lawyer. Iu their busy, happy lives they have never forgotten the woman whoso sacrifice meaut so much to them, and when Memorial Day comes round, and the veterans gather to decorate their comrades' graves, John aud Hetty reserve the choicest flowers of their garden for Aunt Bina's humble resting place. And the quilt? Through the thoughtfulness of the nurse from Maine, it was returned to the generous donor, who bestowed it, as she had intended, upon her young friends. If you had the privilege of examining the contents of a certain chest iu the Thnrston homestead, you would find a soldier's cap and suit of faded blue, and very near it, carefully wrapped in tissue-paper, Aunt Bina's quilt. Mrs. O. W. Scott, in Youth's Companion. CAPTAIN CAPRON'S CALLANT FEAT. Risked Bis Lite to Stop Runawev Team. Army officers and National Guards men have not forgotten a notable inci dent on the Presidio grounds in the early part of 1893, when the courage and superb horsemanship of the late Captain Capron, United States Army, saved the lives of a woman and her two children. It was on a morning when the First Troop of California Cavalry, then under tie command of Captain Blumenberg, was at drill on the large parade ground. Sergeant Capron was interested in the drill of the troopers, and sat on his horse on the main road watching the evolutions. A light carriage, drawn by two spirit ed horses, entered the Lombard gate and proceeded in the direotion of the post buildings. In the vehicle were an elderly woman and two little girls. The carriage passed Capron, and when about one hundred yards west of his position something scared the horses, and they bolted along the drive at a terrific paoe, turning into a side road and racing furiously on a broken half grade. Capron kicked the spurs into his horse in an instant and dashed around the slope to intercept the team. When he reached the road again the team was approachiug on a mad gallop. The officer raw no time could be lost if the lives of the woman and children were to be saved. At the risk of his own life he trotted into the center of the road and waited for the collision with the team. The two carriage horses continued their wild run, and iu a few moments crushed against the troop horse of Capron. Ha dropped his own reins, and, leaning over his horse's head, canght both runaways by the bridle. The three horses reared and fonght. Capron was lifted out of the saddle, but he hold the bridle reins and compelled the infuriated animals to stop. The carriage was badly dam aged, but tho occupants escaped with out a scratch. Sou Francisco Exam iner. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL Measles is tho most infectious dis ease after smallpox. The bitterness of a grain of strych nine can be tasted in 600,000 grains of water. It is said that 4200 speoies of plants are gathered and used for commercial purposes in Europe. Thirty years ago there were only two dozen explosive compounds known to chemists; now there are over 1000. Dr. Seraphim, of the Russian Ob servatory at Poltava, has discovered a star-like condensation in the centor of the Andromeda nebula. The dis covery will be of importance to as tronomers. The diameter of the sun in miles is estimated at 866,400; Jupiter, 86,500; Saturn, 71,000; Neptune, 84,800; Uranus, 81,900; Earth, 7918; Venus, 7700; Mars, 4230; Mercury, 3030 Moon, 2162. An electrio plant for calcium car bide is proposed as a means of utiliz ing the peat bogs of Northern Ger many. A peat bed ten feet thick is estimated to contain 1000 tons of dried peat per acre, aud a 10,000 horse-power station would consume 200,000 tons yearly. Vain of Specialty, A youth took, as he expressed it, ihe notion into his head to investigate the peculiarities of a certain plant. Not very much was known of it save that it was thought to have possibili ties as a commercial product for future use. He Btudied aud read about it, cultivated it, and, according to his frieuds and playmates, wasted a lot of valuable time on it. After a time public attention was turned to this plant. No one seemed to know very much about it. When it was reported to the commissioner whose business it was to make scien tific experiments with it, that there was a young man, little more than a lad, who had paid some attention to it, the boy was sent for and catechised as to his information on the subject. So extensive was his knowledge of this new product that he was appointed to go abroad with the commission and study the plant upon its nativo soil. Here was the moment, and the man was ready. This is the history of many of the brightest and most suc cessful men of our time. Tbey did not know at what moment certain facts might be required, but they had care fully stored away such knowledge as was likely to be of use "to the world at some future day. New York Ledger. II Forgot Himself. I remember hearing of a law-court, where a man had entered an action against a railway company for an in jury to his arm in au accident. Said the opposing lawyer: "I understand you have lost tho use of your arm entirely through this ao cident?" "Yes," said the plaintiff. Lawyer "How high can you lift your arm now?" Plaintiff with great difficulty moves it about an inch. "How far could you lift it before the accident?" "P.ight np there!" at the same time shooting it right up over his head. Philadelphia Satunluy Evening Post. Progs That Bleat Like Lambs. There is a species of frog which Jwolls on the Western Tiers, Tas mania, whose voice resembles the bleating of a lamb. Iu tho olden days a shepherd, hearing the sound for the first time, thought he had dis covered a contingent of lost ewes and lambs, and followed the sound for some days, returning in rags and half starved. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNf MEN OF THE PRESS. The City Hantainan Had a Substitute Jl Woman's Reason Ins and Out Hef Early Training A Friendly OfferAble to Worry Along, Etc., Etc. Mary had a little lamb, It freely ran about Until a city bun tsman took Ills gun and sa unterod out. He saw the lambkin where It played, And nervously "let go" He'd shut both eyes, and so ot course, The poor thing was laid low. And then the hunter hurried back Into tho city, where He still relates the thrilling tale Of how he killed a bear. Chicago News. Had a Substitute. Dixon "Is your friend Smithsona deop thinker?" Hixon "No, indeed. Ho's mar ried." Chicago News. A Woman's Reason. "She sent my letter back unopened. " "Why?" "She said the postman who deliv ered it kicked her dog." Chicago Record. Ins and Ontr. "He married into one of your best families, did he not?" "Not exactly; his wife married out of ouo of our best families." Detroit Journal. Her Early Training. "With what a gracefully sweeping motion she handles a fan." "Yes, she used to keep the flies off Ihe table in her father's Omaha lunch room." Cleveland Plain Dealer. A Friendly Offer. ' Lawyer Goodly "What's wrong, ldchnp?" Uglimugge "I won a kiss from Miss Purtiest. She won't pay up." Lawyer Goodly "Nover miud, old man; I'll collect it for you." Truth. Able to Worry Along. "Do you need any help?" askod the izard. "I think not," replied the snake. 'I caifpull off this event without your issistance. Thanks." And presently he finished shedding his skin. Topeka (Kan.) Capital. HI Gentle Little Joke. "Please, sir, can't you help mo?" tsked the seeming mendicaut; "I am lick aud in need of a few dimes." "If you are sick, why don't you go to the hospital?" auswored the sub stantial citizen. "I thought a littlo change would da me good," was the plausible reply. Kansas City Star. Tommy's Last Question. "Papa," said Tommy Tredway. "Now, Tommy," replied Mr. Tred way, "I shall auswer only one more question to-day. So be caret ul what you ask." "Yes, papa." "Well, go on." "Why don't they bury the Dead Sea?" Harper's Bazar. At Last!! First Veteran "I tell you, these modern improvements iu long-range guns and chilled-steel projectiles have made war a good deal riskier than it was in our day " Seoond Veteran "Yes; I see that somebody has invented a gun now which, at a thousand yards, w'll go olear through a small pocket Bible carried over a man's heart." Judge A Last lleqnest. He "And am I to undcrstaud that your refusal is final?" She "It is." He "Then life no longer has a charm for me; I shall hang myself." She "Will you grant me a favor?" He "Certainly. Name it." She "Discontinue your existence elsewhere; papa objects to your hang ing around here." Chicago News. Trouble Ahead. "I regret to observe," soid Skill ton, "that thero is to be another yacht race for the America's cup." "Kegret? Why it indicates thai England and the United States are coming together again!" said Jones. "Thnt's just it," said Skilltou 'We are beginning to get along so nicely, aud now all tho old trou'oler will be reopened." Harper's Bazar. Why He Was Troubled. Jack "Come, old mau, cheer up. What if she did break tb engage ment; she's not tho only fish iu the swim." Tom "Oh, I don't care any', iug about hor breaking the engagement, but you see I'vo got to go right on paying installments on the ring foi the next six months. That's where the icy breeze comes iu." Chicago News. A Plausible Improbability. The Boarder (irascibly) "How many more times, Katy, must I tell you that I want my toast well browned? This is hardly more than yellowed!" The Maid (innocently) "Hare, sor, ut was brown whin I tuk ut aff the shtove tin minutes ago. Muy be a settin' in the sun moight have faded ut since. Sure the sun-loig'at do be dreadful har-r-rd on colors, sor." Puck. Moral HiiHulon. Old Gentlomau "Do you nioaii to say that your teachers never thrasb you?" Little Boy "Never! Wo have moral suasion at our school." Old Gentleman "What's that?" Little Boy "Oh, we get kep in, and stood np in corners, ami locked out, and locked iu, and made to write one word a thousand times, scow led at, and jawed at, aud that's all." THE OLD RUSTIC BRIDGE. TIs just a common rustle bridge, And spans a common stream; Where mild-eyed cattle slake their thirst, And shadows glint and gleam. The,goidenrod and asters flame ' Along the sedgy bank; The grass is thick, and lush, and green. The weeds are tall and rank. But It Is fair, this quiet stream, Where minnows dart and play; Where willows droop, and blackbirds call Through all the livelong day. The planks are old, and gray, and warp'd, The rail Is broken down, But it Is dearer far to me Than any bridge in town. Mary SI. Itedmond, in Donahue's. HUMOR OF THE DAY. "Tommy, who was Joan of Aro?" asked the teacher. "Noah's wile," was Tommy's guess. At every pionio every guest secretly believes that every other guest didn't bring her share. Atchison Globe. "Willie, how can it be that you love your grandma better than your own parents?" "She alius lets me help myself to pie." Detroit Free Press. "Reputation is a good deal like a linen suit." "How's that?" "When you undertake to wash it, it always shrinks the wrong way. " Detroit Free Press. "Here r- -;eTire 'The Garden of Eda."' ..uj, uiun. you're crazy! This is a winter scene." "Of course it is that's a picture of the Garden after the fall." Truth. "I hope I see you well," he said fluently to the old farmer leaning on his hoe. "I hope you do," was the unexpected answer; "but if you don't see me well, young man, put on specs." "How much longer will I have to wait on you?" asked the impatient man of the busy clerk. "In a few minutes I shall be waiting on you," replied the clerk with a smile. Philadelphia North American. She "You never did care for me. You only married me for my money." He "Now you are not only cruel, but absurd. I should like to know how I could have got your money any other way?" Boston Transcript. "She says that he proposed to her, but that they are not engaged." But they knew her and they laughed long and loud. "The only problem," they said, "is to decide which of tho two statements is false." Chioago Post. Old Million "You want my daugh ter, eh? Now, sir, tell me in what single instance have you ever ex hibited any business tact?" Jake Fellows "Well, that's easy enough. I picked on you for a father-in-law." Mr. Floody "Now, Franklin, my son, I have at last made the great fact of the evolution of species clear to you, have I not?" Franklin Floody "Oh, yes, papa; I understand! Before I was born, you and mamma were monkeys." Truth. Judge "There was no necessity ol you assaulting this man and breaking his camera, just because he tried to take a snapthot of you. What else did he do?" Trisoner "Nothing, your honor. Ho pressed tin button aud I did the rest." Standard. Mrs, Dashleigh "I see here, Ethel, that every namo has a meaning. Thus Harold means 'brave,' Charles means 'gay,' Biohard ." Miss Dashleigh (iuterruptingly) "O, I know what Dick means, ma. He means busi ness. He told me so last night." Boston Globe. "Can you tell me," asked his wife scornfully, after looking over the property he just purohased, "what ever induced you to buy this place?" "I can," he answered promptly. "What?" she demanded. "Oue of the smartest real estate agents in this part of the country." "Why have you broken off your en gagement with the Frauleiu Olga?" "She was too affectionate! She was always throwing her arms around my neck and kissing me and exclaiming, 'Robert, my only Robert!' " "Why, I should think you would have felt flattered!" "Flattered? But my name isn't Robert!" Der Floh. "Two Spaniards went up in a bal loon. Tho balloon bnrst. What na tionality were they when they came down?" asked the conundrum man. "Give it up," grimly responded the stupid man. "One came down a Rus sian and tho other got tangled up io the telegraph wires and came down Pole," was the response. Chautau qua Assembly Herald. Chestnut Under Srlentlflc InTestlgatlon. In view of the new interest In the ' chestnut as an article of food, and therefore of industrial importance, scientific agriculturists are making a careful study of the tree and its fruit. The great enemy of the nut is tho un pleasantly familar worm known as the chestnut weevil. He, too, is under scientific investigation, and the host method of destroying him is being uiado a subject of special study. A blight that is destroying the chestnut leaves is also attracting the attention of scientific agriculturists. In the oourse of these investigations Ameri can men of science have been in cor respondence with botanists not only in England, Spaiu ond Italy, but eveu in Japan. New York Sun. Valuable Spruce. Spruce is not commonly accounted a costly wood, but some of it may be very valuable. Spruco is largelj useJ for the tops of stringed musical instru ments, such as guitars and mandolins, the finer grained boiug the more de sirable. The value of rosewood de ponds upon its color and quality. It ranges in price from a ceut aud a quarter to ten cents a pound. Thir'y grain Adirondack spruce would ',ba worth more than the finest rosewood. It might be that not oue such log would be found among a thousand. New York Sun.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers