Toe Forest Republican Is published avery Wednesday, by J. E. WENK. Offlct la Smetrbaugh ft Co.'i Building KLM STREET, TIONE3T1, PA. Term. - 8I.QU Por Year, Ho lalMorlpttona received for a shorter period (ban three moot ha. Correspondent- sollolte 1 from all parti of tha country. Mo noiloa will be taken of anonymous oomtnunlo;iilon. RATES OF AOVERTISINCi Oo. Square, on inch, on insertion . . f 1 00 One f quare, one inch, one oonth. S Oaa Square, ooa inch, turae months. . .1 ) One rqjara, ooa ioob. ona year..... 10 U) two Squares, one yer.... Quarter Column, on. yiax... . S)M Half Column, one year &')UU Una Column, one year IUJ UU Lasal advertisements ten oenU per line each insertion. Mamaes mai deith notices grati. All bills for ycany advortise.njuw collected quarterlr Temporary adverUstunfUW uiuat be paid in advance. Job work caab oo deliver. OREST REPUBLICAN, H VOL. XXXI. NO. 1. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, APEIL 20, 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM. The churches of the United Statei and' Canada are endeavoring to loot after the religious interests of miner in the gold-fields of the Klondike and on their way to them. Professor Bryco has made a bat) slip in his book on South Africa. lit aocusos the Boers of abusing thr English by speaking of them usuallj as "rotteu eggs," whereas the Trans, vnel phraso is root nek, "red neolc," and applies to the British complexion. A striking admission of the isolated position of England among the Europe an powers, and an indication of the many international problems that press upon the nttontion of the English people, is to be found in ' the two declarations that were ma do recently before Parlia. ment by members of the cabinet, both indicative of the steadily growing pres sure which foreign powers are exert ing upon British territory. Baron von Richtkoven says that at the present rate of consumption tho world could draw its supplies of coal from southern Shensi alone for over thousand years; and yet, in the verj place referred to, it is not nncommoD to find the Chinese storing up wood , and millet-stalks for their firing in winter, while coal in untold quantitiet lies ready for use beneath their feet. Hubner's Statistical and Geo graphical tables, as aresult of the latest investigations, give the population of the world at 1,535,000,000. This is an incroase over the figures of 1896 of 23,000,003. To this increase Europe is credited with contributing 5,700, 300; Asia, 6,200,000; Africa, 7,500,003; America, 3,200,000. Tho United States, with its great growth, esti mated by this authority at 2,800,000, and its present population, plaoed at 72,300,000, lepresents more than fifty three per cent of the entire popula tion of North and South America a circumstance adduced as highly signifi cant, and occurring iu no other part of the earth; The population of Europe was increased to 378,600,000, which is about a quarter of the entire popula tion of the earth. Speaking of the work Of the Red Cross Hooiety in Cuba, tho Washing ton Pathfinder says: "No one denies that the situation of the reconcentra Jos all over the island is simply appall ing. Red Cross headquarters have been established at Cerro, a suburb west of Havana, where forty orphaus at reconceutrados Are now domiciled Applications havo boen filed for all the remaining space at headquarters The total of dependents, 'adults and ;hildren, is rapidly increasing, but he condition of those ' remaiuing is permanently improved. The munici pality of Havana has donated on ex :ellent warehouse on tho harbor, and , will furnish a sufficient number of la oorers to handle all arriving relief supplies. There is a favorablo out- - look for the prosecution of the Red dross work within its limited means. Ten thousand dollars romain in Con sul General Leo's hands of the fund provided by Congress for the relief of Americans in Cuba. This sum is do jidodly inadequate." The Louisville Courier-Journal says We have heard a great deal recently ibout.the pride of Spain. We know lhat the Spaniards are a proud people, or they tell us so themselves on everj occasion. But what are they proud of? There is no nation in Europe which is so illiterate as Spain, witt the single exception of Italy. Of Spain's entire population sixty-eight per cent can neither read nor write. Saya a writer: ."Before the age o) steam engines and telegraphs, when Europe was semi civilized, Spain was great nation. She was a strong savage among savagos. But this is the age not of cruelty (and how cruel Spain has been and is!). It is the age when amity not euniiiy rules or ie making to rule. For the sake o' romance I wontil not like to see Spain die. She is so full of color, so anom alous, so alone in Europe, so noblj fierce, so proud oniony Nations that have Almost given up the savago pride we had from the old times! She is (ike dream glimpses of Hnroun-al-Baschid. And yet, with all, there is no more pathetic thing in all the world. We are impressed when wo see the death of a man. How much more should we be impressed as we look thoughtfully and attentively at the quick respiration of a dying na tion!" That is the most chariUble view the outside world takes of Spain. She has a few scholars, a few statesmen, a lew gentlomen, but they are a very small leaven in a very large lump, and the decadent Spain of to-day should be more on object of self-pity than of elf-pride. MEN OF THE MAINE. Mn of the Maine, 0 men of tbe Maine, Men of the Maine, O men of the Malno, Flower of tbe people's life, You nro part of the earth and tbe sky. Valiant your death wns, nor suffered In Grandly you've shown us poor fallows vain: attain You perished for peace, not strife. How bravely to live and to die. Men of the Maine, O men of the Maine, And, men ot the Maine, O men of the Sad though your fate beyond words, Maine, Still your true souls 'mid the fire and the When our great guns shout aloud, pain Inp'eace or war, tlioy will thunder again Rose high with the winds and the birds. To the world your loyalty proud. Men of the Maine, O men of the Maine, Your forms In the deep water slept; Yet the thought ot your faithfulness never shall wane, And our memory's faith shall be kept. THE WEONG DOOR Dy WALDO IIARKESHEIMER. HE letter carrier was coming up tho street. In a mo ment he would be at the door. Bertha Wayne pressed her forehead against the paue and stood on tiptoe, to see if he were going to stop. Yes; he dis appeared at the entranoe. She crossod the room, and opened her door a crack. She could hear his slow, even tread on the stairs. Perhaps he was only going to leave Mrs. Warren's mail, on the floor below. But, no ho was coming on up the second flight. The girl's heart beat violently. He must not find her waiting there, and she sped noiseless ly to the window. ' Rap tap! With a sinking heart Bertha saw the large envelope iu the carrier's out stretched hand; but she smiled as brightly and said, "Oh, thank you!" as heartily as if she had not known that the brown wrapper covered the story on which she had builded so many hopos. Tho corners of her mouth drooped with tho shultiug of the door. So it bad oome back after these weeks of weary suspense! "I did think they would take it!" she said to herself, tearing open the envelope. She glanced at the printed declination blank, and there was a slight cnrl of the pretty lips. With an impatient gesture she tossed the package from her. "There is no use!" she said. "If they won't take that, they won't take anything from me!" She gazed stolidly out of the window. For six weeks this story had been her forlorn hope. Never had the future looked so dark as now. Alone in the world, with fourteen dollars in her purse, and Do visible way of obtaining more that was he rpresent situation. Bertha Wayne's first attempts in writiug had been fairly successful. That was three years ago. Then had come the financial depression which had been so far-reaching, and for the last twelvemonth the only market she bad found for her literary wares had been most unsatisfactory. The man whom she had counted as her best editorial friend had died, and the new editor had his own corps of contribu tors. Stories and poems which a year ago would have brought liberal checks were now returned to her with politely-worded circulars. Publishing firms that were her debtors collapsed without warning, and for two months she had not had a single article ac cepted. It would have reqnired a stouter heart than hers to have met these days without quailing. For weeks she had felt physically and mentally incapable of continuing the fight. Now she told herself, "I might as well give it np . first as last!" Thinking her bitter thoughts, she looked down on the hurrying throngs. "All with something to do!" she said. "But for me there is nothing noth ing! There's that ngly little doctor again!" - Her eyes rested on a young man alighting from a carriage. He was be low the medium height, slender and boyish, with a face that was unde niably plain. Having fastened his horse, he swung a yellow bag from tbe vehicle, and passed within a doorway. "He is a success," muttered Bertha jealously. "Only a little while ago he was footing it all over town! Now hu drives everywhere. Well, he's a man and smart, I suppose; he is'ugly enough to be! I am only a girl. What's the use of living anyhow!" At last she went to her writing; but her mind was distraught, and the atory lagged. It is not easy to build a happy romance when one's heart is aching. Day after dy Bertha Wayne wasted her precious pennies on paper and postage, hoping against hone. Days of work and worry were succeeded by wakeful, weary nights, until nature had her revenge. One evening the girl dragged herself home from the post office and crawled np the long flights of stairs, only to faint at the door of her room. Miss Winslow, the little dressmaker across the hall, found her on the floor. "It is nothing," Bertha said, trying to reassnre both herself and her frightened neighbor. "I am only tired. I shall be better in the morn ing." But she was not better in the morn ing. On attempting to arise, she barely escaped another faint; and Miss Winslow insisted on summoning a physician. Dr. Halberta was of splendid pro portions, tall, erect, broad shoul dered. As he stood in the doorway, his strikingly handsome features lighted mi Men of the Maine, O men of the Mulne, The sound ot the sea's deep roar. As It rolls on tho coast, In an endless re frain Bhall oliant your fame evermore. George P. Lathrop, In New York Times. by a smile, his patient was swept by a thrill of admiration. But at his words her face whitened. "Oh, you Lave heart disease!" She looked at him appealingly. "How do you know?" Bhe falter ed. The doctor hud abandoned his smile, and stood considering - her gravely. "A very easy matter," he replied nonchalantly. "I could tell the mo ment I saw you. But there is no use in being alarmed; that only heightens the danger and retards recovery." "Do you think I can got well, then?" sue asked eagerly. "Possibly possibly. I cannot toll yet. If I can see you every day, I presume I can help yon. A few questions followed, which Bertha answered lamely. Her heart beat wildly, and her brain was con fused. There was. a piteous look in her tender blue eyes. It seemed to arouse the doctor to something akin to sympathy, for he said: "You must not allow this to worry you unduly. It is a hard thing to tell a patient what I have told jou; but I consider the truth to be best under all circumstances. There is a chance that I may be able to cure you a chance only that; but a chance is sometimes worth much in this world." Ho left some mcdicino, and rose to go. Bertha drew her purse from under her pillow. "How much?" "Ten dollars," carelessly. The face on the pillow grew whiter. With trembling fingers the girl handed out one of the two bills the purse con tained. The doctor glanced at it, and tucked it into his vest pocket. "To-morrow I will see you," he be gan. "No," she interrupted, "I cannot afford I shall not be able to pay you." "Ah, well, as you please," said the doctor, somewhat stiffly. "But I tell you this niuob; if you have a home you better get to it as quick as you can!" He bowed himself out, shut ting the door with noiseless precision. The sick girl stared at the wall. It was covered with a paper showing im possible blue and brown flowers in im possible garlands. One wreath had al ways seemed to represent a winged cherub iu a smart bonnet. Now, as Bertha looked at it, the face of the cherub appeared to be that of a demon leering at hsr despair. When Miss Winslow came she found her with the blanket over her head, to shut out the evil face. The little dressmaker was shocked at the news. "1'ni dreadful sorry," she said, her eyes full of tears; "but perhaps it isn't so bad as the doctor thinks. Though folks do say he's awful smart. A mou must be, to tell thiegs by just looking at you, I've heard that about him before. . Isn't he handsome, though? Bnt now, don't you go to worrying! My aunt had heart disease fifteen years before it killed her; so you are not going to die yet." For four days Bertha Wayne lay in her stuffy little room, exhausted and despairing, with only Miss WinBlow's visits to break the long, monotonous nightmare. "If I am no better," she had said, "I shall have to go to the hospital." But Miss Wiuslow's an swer had been emphatio: "Indeed, you shall not! It is more genteel to stay here, and I will take care of you. As long as you lie abed you don't need much bnt toast and tea, and that's easy enough got. Noth ing would tempt me insido a hospital, and you are not going?" But Bertha did not improve on the toast and tea diet and Dr. Halberta's medicine. Every day brought in creased suffering. On the fifth morn ing she became desperate, and at tempted to dress; but she .was seized with an overpowering weakness, and was forced to lie down again. Her heart acted strangely, now beating violently, now seeming to stop. Per spiration stood on her face; breathing was difficult. It seemed to her that her last hour had come. An awful numbness was creeping over her. She tried to frame a prayer. A light knock sounded at the door. It aroused the sick girl, and she sum moned all her strength for the needed word. The door opened. "Is this where a physician is needed?" It was "that ugly little doctor?" Bertha was too near unconscious ness to answer; but the young man did not wait. In a moment he was holding a stimulant to her lips. His fingers were on her pulse. "There, you feel better?" he said. She smiled faintly. "I thought I was dying." "Were you frightened? I think there was no need." The doctor pnt nis ear to her heart. It was slower now, and Bertha' lay very still, breathing easily. "Jt is all right," he said, "a little weak, that's all." The girl stared. Suddeuly she found her voice. "Do yon meau I haven't any heart disease!" Joy and incredulity were iu the tone. "Certainly," he smiled. Then tak ing a stethoscope from his bag, he made a thorough examination. "There is not the least organic trouble. Did you think there was?" In a few minutes the story was told. An odd Bniile played about the physi cian's mouth, but he said only: "I am glad you sent for me, if I have relieved your fears. "I didn't send for yon." The two looked wouderingly at each other. "Aren't you Mrs. Taylor?" "Why, no! Mrs. Taylor has the room over this. The young man laughed. "I think I'll go up and see her," he said. "I beg your pardon. I supposed I was attending the right patient." "I'm so glad you came," said Bertha. "No one knows what I havo suffered for the last four days. Please stay and tell me how I caii get well." Dr. Malcolm attended first to Mrs. Taylor. Then he spent another quarter-hour in the room below, ask ing questions, arranging medicines, and giving directions and advice. Bertha did not refer to his fee. Only thirty cents remained in her purse. She half hoped, she half feared, that he would not come again. He told her that she had overworked, that her nerves were exhausted, and that she would probably be obliged to keep still for several weeks. There was no doubt of her being well in time. He bade her eat beefsteak twice a day. He did not inquire into her household arrangements. She was grateful for the omission. When he went out, he said, "I'll see you again to-morrow," and shut the door. Bertha's eyes fastened themselves on the wall paper. The demon had been transformed into a cherub. . Miss Winslow brought her a slice of toast with a poached egg for tea. She had added the egg on her own account. "I didn't know as toast was quite nourishing enough by itself, even if you are abed," she said. Bertha was thankful for the luxury. She did not mention the ordered steak. "I don't know but what this little doctor is good enough, as far as he goes, "Miss Winslow remarkod, watch ing Bertha eat her egg; "but he's dreadful short and spindling. I al ways did like a big man." She sat for a time in dreamy meditation, evident ly lost in her dead past. Bertha gazed at her tenderly. When she looked up, "It was so kind of you to bring me this egg," she said; "I feel better for it already." The little dressmaker came back to herself, and resumed: "Yes, I guess Dr. Malcolm's well enough, and you do look brighter; but it seems as if such a big.splendid man as Dr. Halberta ought to k now more about hearts and things than a mite of a feller like him. Though I don't say bnt that I'm glad if you haven't got it if you haven't!" She shook her head dubiously. Bertha smiled. "I'd rather trust Dr. Malcolm and his stethoscope than Dr. Hnlberta's eyes." "Well, I don't know! He's awful stylish, and he's got pretty convincing eyes! Miss Do Peyster says he's highly connected. But I don't know!" Dr. Malcolm did not appear until nearly noon. He was glad to find that his patient had slept well. "What did you have for breakfast?" he asked. Bertha blushed. She had not an ticipated such direct questioning. But she was honest. "Toast aud coffee." "Don't you like beefsteak? ' "Yes." "Why didn't you have it?" She looked into his face. It was grave, but kind. "Because I could not afford it. Dr. Halberta carried off most of my money," she added, smiling. "I ex pect more every; day" (which was strictly true), "bnt it hasn't come." "How much did that man charge you?" She told him. He scowled, and muttered some thing about "quacks" and "fancy prices." Then he inquired into her mode of living. "You must have nutritions food. It is imperative. I think I'd better take you over to the hospital this after noon." "But how can I go?" "In my carriage. It is easy." "I haven't enough to pay my board." "St. James' Church has established a free bed there, and it is unoccupied just now. The rector is a friend of mine, and I will arrange it. I am sure you will be better at the hospital," he added, seeing her flushed hesitation. "You are very kind, doctor; but I don't know whether I can ever pay you." Her eyes filled. "That's all right!" The young man tossed off the words with an impatient .motion ot the head. He looked at his watch. "I will come for you at three," he said. "There will be plenty of time," musingly. He turned to his patient. "I do not want yon to get up before one o'clock. You will keep still till then?" "Certainly, if yon wish." There was the hint of a question in her voice; but the doctor did not appear to heed. Half an hour later found Bertha still pondering tho physioian's last or der. She had beguu to havo sus picions concerning it. She heard footsteps on the stairs, then fragmen tary talk near her door. A moment more, aud a knock was followed by the entrance of a young woman with a basket. "Dr. Malcolm sent me with your dinner," she announced, proceeding to set the dishes upon the table. Did ever beef tea and steak taste so good! After Bhe had eaten, the woman made her rest a little while while she arranged her clothing and the few articles which she would need to take. "Doctor said I was to wait and help you," she said, in answer to Bertha's protestations, and she gavo such effi cient aid that when the sick girl was fully equipped for her little journey, she was not much the worse for the slight exertion. "How good Dr. Malcolm is!" ventured Bertha. - "Good!" echoed tho other, "why, he is just lovely! I don't know where Td be, if it hadn't been for him in my grave, maybe. I broke my hip, and was a long time at the hospital. Ho carried me through that all right, and then got me a place with his aunt. She is a nice lady. I've lived there ever since. But I must go. You'll like it at the hospital, and I hope you'll get well fast." The doctor was on time. "Yon will be back iu a little while, better than you havo been in a year," he said, as he steadied her across the room. Exertion made her conscious of her weakness. She Btood trembling while he shut the door aud locked it. "You must not walk," he said, and before she realized his purpose he had her comfortably iu his arms and was oarryiug her down the stairs. It seemed useless to remonstrate, so she only thanked him quietly when he set her on her feet at the street entrance. At the hospital she made fair pro gress towards health; but it was five weeks before she went back to her lit tle room in the apartment house. "It docs seem so good to have you here again," said Miss Winslow, establishing herself for a comfortable chat. "I've been so lonesome I couldn't set myself about anything evenings. Qneer, how Dr. Halberta petered out, isn't it? Haven't you heard? Why, he raked in the money right and left, and finally cleaved out one night, leaving lots of debts, and taking ever so many things he hadn't paid for! Straugo! when he was such a good-looking man! I thiuk some times yon can't trust anybody. Seems as if you oouldn't." Bertha took np her writing again, and worked as hard as she dared, in hopes of earning enough to pay some thing of her indebtedness to Dr. Malcolm. He had treated the matter very lightly when she had mentioned it; bnt that did not lessen her feeling of responsibility. She had been home but a few days when tne doctor came to take her for a drive. The fresh oir would do her good, he said. They drove into the country, and talked of many things. They had grown to know each other well during these weeks of Bertha's illuess. That morning she had reoeived a ten-dollar check for a poem. Now she drew it from her purse,' and handed it to the doctor. lie looked at it, and passed it back to her. The girl flushed. "I know it isn't much," she said; "but it is a begin ning " "I never did like beginnings," he laughed. "But I must begin to pay you for your care of me you have done so much, more than can be told iu dol lars and cents!" "The worst of a physician's life is the dollars-and-cents part," he said. "I wish tho doctors were paid by the Government, and I might never have to present anothor bill to a patient. Bnt I shall let you pay me, if you will." She held the check towards him. "No." gently putting her baud aside, "if you really wish to pay mo, thero is only way iu which you can do it." "How?" "Turn about ond take care of me. I have no home; but I shall have one. It will be small and plain, for I am not rich; but I think we can be happy, if you will come and care for me. Will you?" Had the wealth of the world boon dropped at Bertha's feet she could scarcely have been more duzed. There had never been the least hint of the lover in Dr. Malcolm. She eat like one stupefied. "Are you not so anxious to pay mo, if it be not iu paper or silver?" "Oh, no, no! I mean -yes!" she stammered, covered with confusion. The doctor lifted his hot to a paity of ladies in a smart ftrap. Thou he drew a deep breath. Bertha tnrned qnickly towards him. "I was thinking," said he, "what if I hadn't knocked at the wrong door!" The Housewife. Moving Pictures. Since the days of the old-fasbionod stereopticon, the improvement of pro jecting and moving pictures has been one of the surprising advances of the nge. From that crndo and imperfect beginning, the evolution of tho pres ent marvelous effects has been steady, and, considering what has boon achieved, exceedingly rapid. It is now possible to throw upon canv.n tho most perfect delineations of life a Htreet with everything in motion, nnd with all as clear and distinct as though actually seen by the unaided vision. Among the latest improve ments in this line is one by meais of which the operator inny introduce other figures into pictures already shown. It is possible to do this with ordinary Inntern slides, and change and shift the picture in Bitch a way that tho realisti3 effect is en hanced, rather thai) diminished. The same lantern will permit of tho use of kineoptoscopo accessories, which add so much to the success of entertainment. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF. THE PRESS. Love's Martyrdom A Pointed Inquiry. Appropriate Business With Pleasure A Living Torture Time, S.30 A. M. Natural Easily Ascertained, Etc., Etc. Be stood beneath her casement, Knee-deep In snow and ice. And tuned his harp and snug of love With every soft device. Of love he sang and gladness All joys his heart could hold; He thought to catch her fancy, But only caught a cold. Chicago IteeorJ. Appropriate. Prohibitionist " I attended the dinner of the Cold Water Society last night." Friend. "Yes? I suppose all the toasts were dry toasts?" Puck. Easily Ascertained. He "Do you know when you eet a bad coin?" She "Why, certainly, I do." "How do you know?" "Why, the man I offer it to refuses to take it." A Pointed Inquiry. Stern Father "Henry, have yon and your new watch parted company already?" Henry (laconically) "Broke." Father "Which?" Jewelers Weekly. ' Might Have Heen Itetter Expressed, The Widow (weepingly) "Would it be too much trouble to yon to ask you to call in the undertaker?" Cholly (sympathetically) "No in deed, delighted, I assuah you!" New York Journal. Costing Enough. "Do you think that your son's col lege education will amount to much, Mr. Flashly?" "I've just had my bookkeeper figuring. It amounts to about $6000 a year, so far." Business With Pleasure. Zim "The doctor prescribed a five mile walk for me every day." Zam "Of course you enjoy it?" Zim "Oh, yes. You see, I do the walking around a billiard table." New York Journal. A Modern Necessity. "So you're broke," soid the indul gent father to the son he had started in business, "but I'll put you on your feet once more." "On my feet? The first thing I want is a '08 wheel." Time, S.30 A. M. Admirer "Has your father any ob jection to my paying you visits, Miss Maud?" Miss Maud "Oh, no but er I think that he'd rather you paid them in instalments." Brooklyn Life. A Living; Torture. Attendant "This patient imagines he is at a comio opera all the time." Visitor "You have him pretty well tied np." Attendant "Oh, yes! If he got loose he would kill himself." Puck. Willing to Consider. She "If you were worth the mill ion and I was poor, would you marry me?" He "If yon feel like transferring the fortune to me and taking chances, I will give the matter my serious con sideration. " Natural. "Wliere has Freddy gone to, Aunty?" "Gone back to the country, dear." "What for, Aunty?" "Why, his health, dear!" "Why! Didhelcaveit behind him?" New York Journal. A Hidden Mine. Mrs. Biggs "You call a ship 'she,' don't you, Ferdinand?" Biggs "Yes, love." Mrs. Biggs "Well, then, why do yon call them 'men-of-war?' ' Biggs "Urn because tbey get blown up." New York Pross. Good Bleeping. Littie Oscar had received a train of cars for his birthday, and he insisted on taking them to bed with him. His mother protested. "You should not take the cars to bed with yon," she aid. "Why not?" asked Oscar. "These ve sleeping cars." Pinches the Milkman. "Oh, mamma, cried Willie excitedly npon his return from a visit to the country, "I know now where grandpa gets his milk. He just pinches the cow." ' "Where do you suppose we get our milk?" asked mamma, mischievously. "Why," returned Willie, thought fully, "I 'spose Bridget just pinches she milkman." New York Journal. The Cause of the Trouble. "Hello, Central," said young Tiddi oum, "what is the matter with the line? I was trying to converse with a er er party just now, and all the time she was talking to me I was both ered by a perpetual, monotonous 'chug-chug' sound in my ears." "Tell the young lady," was tho re ply, "not to chew her gnm so vigor ously while she talks to you over the wire. Oood-by." New York Journal. March of Science. "Alfred, you fre late this evening. What detained you?" "Something I ate at a downtown restaurant disagreed with me. I made a bet with the proprietor that he was using unwholesome chemicals in his cooking, and in order to prove it on him I had to leave my stomach at a chemist's shop nearly all the after noon. I won the bet, but I am fear fully hungry. Have you anything good to eat, dear?" Chicago Tribune. TO-MORROW'S PINS, Wliere is the thrill ot last night's fearl Where is tbe stain of last night's tear? Whore is the tooth that ashed last year? Gone where the lost pins go to. For last night's riddlo Is all made plain, Tho sunshine laughs at the long past rain, The tooth that ached has lost its pain That's what our troubles grow to. We can stand the smart of yesterday; To-day's worse ills wo can drive away; What was and what is bring no dismays For past and present sorrows. But the burdens that make us groan and sweat, Tbe troubles that make us fume nnd fret Am the things that haven't happoned yet, The pins that we'll And to-morrow. Robert Burdatto. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Ho "Is she really so curious?' She "Curious? Why, she'd listen to advice." Brooklyn Life. "Two souls with but a single thought," The poem says, nor orrs Ills thought is all ot her, you see, And so, likewiso, Is hers. Chicago News. Fweddie "Aw, I couldn't get along without my watch." She "Howmucb do they let you have on it?" Harlem Life. Suitor "Sir, I love your daughter." Bluut Father "Well, sir. What does that prove?" Philadelphia North American. Tho Boy "I guess sister's beau must bo engaged to her at laBt." The Girl "Why?" The Boy "He has quit giving me money." Up-to-Date. Helen "Don't you think my new bonnet is a perfect dream?" Mattie "It's more than a dream, dear; it's a genuine nightmare." Chicago News. "You'vo voted here once to-day," said the election offioer. "Nonsense," replied the repeater, unabashed; "you see, I'm twins." Philadelphia Amer ican. "Parkor always exaggerates every thing so." "Yes; ho cau't even start an account at the bank without over drawing it." Columbus (Ohio) State Journal. "Do you think it is liko mo," she asked as she showed him her lntest photograph. "Like you?" he repeat ed. "I can almost hear it." Indian apolis Journal. "This mandolin cost only $10, and it will last your daughter a lifetime." "A lifetime? Gracious! Show me one that will last her about ten days." Chicago News. Jones "I started to ask Newly wed whether two could live on what one could, but " Brown "But what?" Jones "But he struck me for a ten before I could finish." Puck. Traveler "Don't you ever get tired answering so many fool questions?" Ticket Agent-"Yes." Travoler "Which ono tires you most?" Ticket Agent "That one." Chicago News. "Pride," said Uncle Eben, "am er good t'ing in its place. Bnt er coun try or er citizen is iu hahd luck when he aiu' got nuffin' much 'ceppin' hi3 pride tor be proud of." Washington Star. Butters "Come, you owo me an apology. I hear you said there was nothing in my head." Chesley "I hope yon will forgive me. I forgot about the wheels." Boston Traus cript. "Our Cousin John, who lives next" door to us, has gone to tho Klondike." "Weren't you sorry to seo him go?" "Not so awfully sorry. He took his six dogs with him." Chicago Tri bune. "Joes is looking all over town for you." "So I understand; but I'm keeping under cover. It must be that I owo him money or that he wants to owe mo some." Philadelphia North American "Young Mr. Enjoe is quito statu esque," remarked one young woman. "Yes," was tho answer. "He strikes attitudes all the time he is awake. All he does is to pose and repose." Washington Star. He "The trouble with too many pooplo in this world is that they never stop to think." She "Yes, but I no tice that tho most successful people are the oneu that don't have to stop to think." Chicago News. Conclusion: Sportsman (who ha bagged nothing and is bargaining for a hare) "Seven-and-sixpouce? That' rather high, isn't it?" Shopkeeper "Ah, but see what a splendid place it's been hit." Pick-Me-Up. "Really, my dear, you aro not blind enough to thiuk thut the count has a real love for you?" "It does seem in credible, does it not? But he ha? offered to let me keep half the dowry for myself." Cincinnati Enquirer. Prof c3sor "Too bad! One of my pnpils, to whom I have given two courses of instruction iu the cultiva tion of the memory, has forgotten to pay me, and the worst of it is, I can't remember his name!" Fliegcude Blaetter. Pictures of Leave In Natural Colors. One of tho most interesting experi ments iu photography is the photo graphic reproduction of a green leaf iu its natural colors. To do this, tako a copper plate, such as is used for process work, aud have it silvered. Put it face up in a developing or ton ing tray, and on it place tho groeu leaf of .which a copy is desired. To hold the leaf itt position lay over a piece of glnss. A spoiled negative not larger than 4x5 unless the leaf is quite large may be used for this purpose. Turn over the plate a so lution of hydriodate of potash contain ing a few grains of iodide to each ounce of solution. Cover the plate completely, so that it is at least a half inch beneath the surface of the liquid. Set tho tray in tho bright sunshine aud leave it exposud for about half an hour, when, on removing from the tray, a most beautiful photographic impression of the green leaf will be found ou the plute. Harper's Round Table.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers