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OREST REPUBLICAN,
H
VOL. XXXI. NO. 1. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, APEIL 20, 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
The churches of the United Statei
and' Canada are endeavoring to loot
after the religious interests of miner
in the gold-fields of the Klondike and
on their way to them.
Professor Bryco has made a bat)
slip in his book on South Africa. lit
aocusos the Boers of abusing thr
English by speaking of them usuallj
as "rotteu eggs," whereas the Trans,
vnel phraso is root nek, "red neolc,"
and applies to the British complexion.
A striking admission of the isolated
position of England among the Europe
an powers, and an indication of the many
international problems that press upon
the nttontion of the English people, is
to be found in ' the two declarations
that were ma do recently before Parlia.
ment by members of the cabinet, both
indicative of the steadily growing pres
sure which foreign powers are exert
ing upon British territory.
Baron von Richtkoven says that at
the present rate of consumption tho
world could draw its supplies of coal
from southern Shensi alone for over
thousand years; and yet, in the verj
place referred to, it is not nncommoD
to find the Chinese storing up wood
, and millet-stalks for their firing in
winter, while coal in untold quantitiet
lies ready for use beneath their feet.
Hubner's Statistical and Geo
graphical tables, as aresult of the latest
investigations, give the population of
the world at 1,535,000,000. This is
an incroase over the figures of 1896 of
23,000,003. To this increase Europe
is credited with contributing 5,700,
300; Asia, 6,200,000; Africa, 7,500,003;
America, 3,200,000. Tho United
States, with its great growth, esti
mated by this authority at 2,800,000,
and its present population, plaoed at
72,300,000, lepresents more than fifty
three per cent of the entire popula
tion of North and South America a
circumstance adduced as highly signifi
cant, and occurring iu no other part of
the earth; The population of Europe
was increased to 378,600,000, which is
about a quarter of the entire popula
tion of the earth.
Speaking of the work Of the Red
Cross Hooiety in Cuba, tho Washing
ton Pathfinder says: "No one denies
that the situation of the reconcentra
Jos all over the island is simply appall
ing. Red Cross headquarters have
been established at Cerro, a suburb
west of Havana, where forty orphaus
at reconceutrados Are now domiciled
Applications havo boen filed for all
the remaining space at headquarters
The total of dependents, 'adults and
;hildren, is rapidly increasing, but
he condition of those ' remaiuing is
permanently improved. The munici
pality of Havana has donated on ex
:ellent warehouse on tho harbor, and
, will furnish a sufficient number of la
oorers to handle all arriving relief
supplies. There is a favorablo out-
- look for the prosecution of the Red
dross work within its limited means.
Ten thousand dollars romain in Con
sul General Leo's hands of the fund
provided by Congress for the relief of
Americans in Cuba. This sum is do
jidodly inadequate."
The Louisville Courier-Journal says
We have heard a great deal recently
ibout.the pride of Spain. We know
lhat the Spaniards are a proud people,
or they tell us so themselves on everj
occasion. But what are they proud
of? There is no nation in Europe
which is so illiterate as Spain, witt
the single exception of Italy. Of
Spain's entire population sixty-eight
per cent can neither read nor write.
Saya a writer: ."Before the age o)
steam engines and telegraphs, when
Europe was semi civilized, Spain was
great nation. She was a strong
savage among savagos. But this is
the age not of cruelty (and how cruel
Spain has been and is!). It is the age
when amity not euniiiy rules or ie
making to rule. For the sake o'
romance I wontil not like to see Spain
die. She is so full of color, so anom
alous, so alone in Europe, so noblj
fierce, so proud oniony Nations that
have Almost given up the savago pride
we had from the old times! She is
(ike dream glimpses of Hnroun-al-Baschid.
And yet, with all, there is
no more pathetic thing in all the
world. We are impressed when wo
see the death of a man. How much
more should we be impressed as we
look thoughtfully and attentively at
the quick respiration of a dying na
tion!" That is the most chariUble view the
outside world takes of Spain. She
has a few scholars, a few statesmen, a
lew gentlomen, but they are a very
small leaven in a very large lump, and
the decadent Spain of to-day should
be more on object of self-pity than of
elf-pride.
MEN OF THE MAINE.
Mn of the Maine, 0 men of tbe Maine, Men of the Maine, O men of the Malno,
Flower of tbe people's life, You nro part of the earth and tbe sky.
Valiant your death wns, nor suffered In Grandly you've shown us poor fallows
vain: attain
You perished for peace, not strife. How bravely to live and to die.
Men of the Maine, O men of the Maine, And, men ot the Maine, O men of the
Sad though your fate beyond words, Maine,
Still your true souls 'mid the fire and the When our great guns shout aloud,
pain Inp'eace or war, tlioy will thunder again
Rose high with the winds and the birds. To the world your loyalty proud.
Men of the Maine, O men of the Maine,
Your forms In the deep water slept;
Yet the thought ot your faithfulness never
shall wane,
And our memory's faith shall be kept.
THE WEONG DOOR
Dy WALDO IIARKESHEIMER.
HE letter carrier
was coming up tho
street. In a mo
ment he would be
at the door. Bertha
Wayne pressed her
forehead against
the paue and stood
on tiptoe, to see if
he were going to
stop. Yes; he dis
appeared at the
entranoe. She
crossod the room,
and opened her
door a crack. She
could hear his slow, even tread on the
stairs. Perhaps he was only going to
leave Mrs. Warren's mail, on the floor
below. But, no ho was coming on
up the second flight. The girl's heart
beat violently. He must not find her
waiting there, and she sped noiseless
ly to the window. '
Rap tap!
With a sinking heart Bertha saw the
large envelope iu the carrier's out
stretched hand; but she smiled as
brightly and said, "Oh, thank you!"
as heartily as if she had not known
that the brown wrapper covered the
story on which she had builded so
many hopos.
Tho corners of her mouth drooped
with tho shultiug of the door. So it
bad oome back after these weeks of
weary suspense! "I did think they
would take it!" she said to herself,
tearing open the envelope. She
glanced at the printed declination
blank, and there was a slight cnrl of
the pretty lips. With an impatient
gesture she tossed the package from
her. "There is no use!" she said.
"If they won't take that, they won't
take anything from me!" She gazed
stolidly out of the window. For six
weeks this story had been her forlorn
hope. Never had the future looked so
dark as now. Alone in the world,
with fourteen dollars in her purse,
and Do visible way of obtaining more
that was he rpresent situation.
Bertha Wayne's first attempts in
writiug had been fairly successful.
That was three years ago. Then had
come the financial depression which
had been so far-reaching, and for the
last twelvemonth the only market she
bad found for her literary wares had
been most unsatisfactory. The man
whom she had counted as her best
editorial friend had died, and the new
editor had his own corps of contribu
tors. Stories and poems which a
year ago would have brought liberal
checks were now returned to her with
politely-worded circulars. Publishing
firms that were her debtors collapsed
without warning, and for two months
she had not had a single article ac
cepted. It would have reqnired a
stouter heart than hers to have met
these days without quailing. For
weeks she had felt physically and
mentally incapable of continuing the
fight. Now she told herself, "I might
as well give it np . first as last!"
Thinking her bitter thoughts, she
looked down on the hurrying throngs.
"All with something to do!" she said.
"But for me there is nothing noth
ing! There's that ngly little doctor
again!"
- Her eyes rested on a young man
alighting from a carriage. He was be
low the medium height, slender and
boyish, with a face that was unde
niably plain. Having fastened his
horse, he swung a yellow bag from tbe
vehicle, and passed within a doorway.
"He is a success," muttered Bertha
jealously. "Only a little while ago
he was footing it all over town! Now
hu drives everywhere. Well, he's a
man and smart, I suppose; he is'ugly
enough to be! I am only a girl.
What's the use of living anyhow!"
At last she went to her writing; but
her mind was distraught, and the
atory lagged. It is not easy to build
a happy romance when one's heart is
aching.
Day after dy Bertha Wayne wasted
her precious pennies on paper and
postage, hoping against hone. Days
of work and worry were succeeded by
wakeful, weary nights, until nature
had her revenge. One evening the
girl dragged herself home from the
post office and crawled np the long
flights of stairs, only to faint at the
door of her room. Miss Winslow, the
little dressmaker across the hall,
found her on the floor.
"It is nothing," Bertha said, trying
to reassnre both herself and her
frightened neighbor. "I am only
tired. I shall be better in the morn
ing." But she was not better in the morn
ing. On attempting to arise, she
barely escaped another faint; and Miss
Winslow insisted on summoning a
physician.
Dr. Halberta was of splendid pro
portions, tall, erect, broad shoul
dered. As he stood in the doorway, his
strikingly handsome features lighted
mi
Men of the Maine, O men of the Mulne,
The sound ot the sea's deep roar.
As It rolls on tho coast, In an endless re
frain Bhall oliant your fame evermore.
George P. Lathrop, In New York Times.
by a smile, his patient was swept by a
thrill of admiration. But at his
words her face whitened.
"Oh, you Lave heart disease!"
She looked at him appealingly.
"How do you know?" Bhe falter
ed. The doctor hud abandoned his
smile, and stood considering - her
gravely.
"A very easy matter," he replied
nonchalantly. "I could tell the mo
ment I saw you. But there is no use
in being alarmed; that only heightens
the danger and retards recovery."
"Do you think I can got well, then?"
sue asked eagerly.
"Possibly possibly. I cannot toll
yet. If I can see you every day, I
presume I can help yon.
A few questions followed, which
Bertha answered lamely. Her heart
beat wildly, and her brain was con
fused. There was. a piteous look in
her tender blue eyes. It seemed to
arouse the doctor to something akin
to sympathy, for he said:
"You must not allow this to worry
you unduly. It is a hard thing to tell
a patient what I have told jou; but I
consider the truth to be best under
all circumstances. There is a chance
that I may be able to cure you a
chance only that; but a chance is
sometimes worth much in this world."
Ho left some mcdicino, and rose to
go.
Bertha drew her purse from under
her pillow.
"How much?"
"Ten dollars," carelessly.
The face on the pillow grew whiter.
With trembling fingers the girl handed
out one of the two bills the purse con
tained. The doctor glanced at it, and
tucked it into his vest pocket.
"To-morrow I will see you," he be
gan. "No," she interrupted, "I cannot
afford I shall not be able to pay
you."
"Ah, well, as you please," said the
doctor, somewhat stiffly. "But I tell
you this niuob; if you have a home
you better get to it as quick as you
can!" He bowed himself out, shut
ting the door with noiseless precision.
The sick girl stared at the wall. It
was covered with a paper showing im
possible blue and brown flowers in im
possible garlands. One wreath had al
ways seemed to represent a winged
cherub iu a smart bonnet. Now, as
Bertha looked at it, the face of the
cherub appeared to be that of a demon
leering at hsr despair. When Miss
Winslow came she found her with the
blanket over her head, to shut out the
evil face.
The little dressmaker was shocked
at the news.
"1'ni dreadful sorry," she said, her
eyes full of tears; "but perhaps it
isn't so bad as the doctor thinks.
Though folks do say he's awful smart.
A mou must be, to tell thiegs by just
looking at you, I've heard that about
him before. . Isn't he handsome,
though? Bnt now, don't you go to
worrying! My aunt had heart disease
fifteen years before it killed her; so
you are not going to die yet."
For four days Bertha Wayne lay in
her stuffy little room, exhausted and
despairing, with only Miss WinBlow's
visits to break the long, monotonous
nightmare. "If I am no better," she
had said, "I shall have to go to the
hospital." But Miss Wiuslow's an
swer had been emphatio:
"Indeed, you shall not! It is more
genteel to stay here, and I will take
care of you. As long as you lie abed
you don't need much bnt toast and
tea, and that's easy enough got. Noth
ing would tempt me insido a hospital,
and you are not going?"
But Bertha did not improve on the
toast and tea diet and Dr. Halberta's
medicine. Every day brought in
creased suffering. On the fifth morn
ing she became desperate, and at
tempted to dress; but she .was seized
with an overpowering weakness, and
was forced to lie down again. Her
heart acted strangely, now beating
violently, now seeming to stop. Per
spiration stood on her face; breathing
was difficult. It seemed to her that
her last hour had come. An awful
numbness was creeping over her. She
tried to frame a prayer.
A light knock sounded at the door.
It aroused the sick girl, and she sum
moned all her strength for the needed
word.
The door opened.
"Is this where a physician is
needed?"
It was "that ugly little doctor?"
Bertha was too near unconscious
ness to answer; but the young man
did not wait. In a moment he was
holding a stimulant to her lips. His
fingers were on her pulse.
"There, you feel better?" he said.
She smiled faintly. "I thought I
was dying."
"Were you frightened? I think
there was no need." The doctor pnt
nis ear to her heart.
It was slower now, and Bertha' lay
very still, breathing easily.
"Jt is all right," he said, "a little
weak, that's all."
The girl stared. Suddeuly she found
her voice.
"Do yon meau I haven't any heart
disease!" Joy and incredulity were
iu the tone.
"Certainly," he smiled. Then tak
ing a stethoscope from his bag, he
made a thorough examination. "There
is not the least organic trouble. Did
you think there was?"
In a few minutes the story was told.
An odd Bniile played about the physi
cian's mouth, but he said only:
"I am glad you sent for me, if I
have relieved your fears.
"I didn't send for yon."
The two looked wouderingly at each
other.
"Aren't you Mrs. Taylor?"
"Why, no! Mrs. Taylor has the
room over this.
The young man laughed. "I think
I'll go up and see her," he said. "I
beg your pardon. I supposed I was
attending the right patient."
"I'm so glad you came," said
Bertha. "No one knows what I havo
suffered for the last four days. Please
stay and tell me how I caii get well."
Dr. Malcolm attended first to Mrs.
Taylor. Then he spent another
quarter-hour in the room below, ask
ing questions, arranging medicines,
and giving directions and advice.
Bertha did not refer to his fee.
Only thirty cents remained in her
purse. She half hoped, she half
feared, that he would not come again.
He told her that she had overworked,
that her nerves were exhausted, and
that she would probably be obliged to
keep still for several weeks. There
was no doubt of her being well in
time. He bade her eat beefsteak twice
a day. He did not inquire into her
household arrangements. She was
grateful for the omission. When he
went out, he said, "I'll see you again
to-morrow," and shut the door.
Bertha's eyes fastened themselves
on the wall paper. The demon had
been transformed into a cherub. .
Miss Winslow brought her a slice of
toast with a poached egg for tea. She
had added the egg on her own account.
"I didn't know as toast was quite
nourishing enough by itself, even if
you are abed," she said.
Bertha was thankful for the luxury.
She did not mention the ordered
steak.
"I don't know but what this little
doctor is good enough, as far as he
goes, "Miss Winslow remarkod, watch
ing Bertha eat her egg; "but he's
dreadful short and spindling. I al
ways did like a big man." She sat for
a time in dreamy meditation, evident
ly lost in her dead past.
Bertha gazed at her tenderly. When
she looked up, "It was so kind of you
to bring me this egg," she said; "I
feel better for it already."
The little dressmaker came back to
herself, and resumed:
"Yes, I guess Dr. Malcolm's well
enough, and you do look brighter; but
it seems as if such a big.splendid man
as Dr. Halberta ought to k now more
about hearts and things than a mite of
a feller like him. Though I don't say
bnt that I'm glad if you haven't got
it if you haven't!" She shook her
head dubiously.
Bertha smiled. "I'd rather trust
Dr. Malcolm and his stethoscope than
Dr. Hnlberta's eyes."
"Well, I don't know! He's awful
stylish, and he's got pretty convincing
eyes! Miss Do Peyster says he's
highly connected. But I don't know!"
Dr. Malcolm did not appear until
nearly noon. He was glad to find that
his patient had slept well.
"What did you have for breakfast?"
he asked.
Bertha blushed. She had not an
ticipated such direct questioning. But
she was honest.
"Toast aud coffee."
"Don't you like beefsteak? '
"Yes."
"Why didn't you have it?"
She looked into his face. It was
grave, but kind.
"Because I could not afford it. Dr.
Halberta carried off most of my
money," she added, smiling. "I ex
pect more every; day" (which was
strictly true), "bnt it hasn't come."
"How much did that man charge
you?"
She told him.
He scowled, and muttered some
thing about "quacks" and "fancy
prices." Then he inquired into her
mode of living.
"You must have nutritions food. It
is imperative. I think I'd better take
you over to the hospital this after
noon." "But how can I go?"
"In my carriage. It is easy."
"I haven't enough to pay my
board."
"St. James' Church has established
a free bed there, and it is unoccupied
just now. The rector is a friend of
mine, and I will arrange it. I am sure
you will be better at the hospital," he
added, seeing her flushed hesitation.
"You are very kind, doctor; but I
don't know whether I can ever pay
you." Her eyes filled.
"That's all right!" The young man
tossed off the words with an impatient
.motion ot the head. He looked at his
watch. "I will come for you at three,"
he said. "There will be plenty of
time," musingly. He turned to his
patient. "I do not want yon to get
up before one o'clock. You will keep
still till then?"
"Certainly, if yon wish." There
was the hint of a question in her
voice; but the doctor did not appear
to heed.
Half an hour later found Bertha
still pondering tho physioian's last or
der. She had beguu to havo sus
picions concerning it. She heard
footsteps on the stairs, then fragmen
tary talk near her door. A moment
more, aud a knock was followed by the
entrance of a young woman with a
basket.
"Dr. Malcolm sent me with your
dinner," she announced, proceeding to
set the dishes upon the table.
Did ever beef tea and steak taste so
good! After Bhe had eaten, the woman
made her rest a little while while she
arranged her clothing and the few
articles which she would need to take.
"Doctor said I was to wait and help
you," she said, in answer to Bertha's
protestations, and she gavo such effi
cient aid that when the sick girl was
fully equipped for her little journey,
she was not much the worse for the
slight exertion.
"How good Dr. Malcolm is!"
ventured Bertha. -
"Good!" echoed tho other, "why,
he is just lovely! I don't know where
Td be, if it hadn't been for him in
my grave, maybe. I broke my hip,
and was a long time at the hospital.
Ho carried me through that all right,
and then got me a place with his
aunt. She is a nice lady. I've lived
there ever since. But I must go.
You'll like it at the hospital, and I
hope you'll get well fast."
The doctor was on time.
"Yon will be back iu a little while,
better than you havo been in a year,"
he said, as he steadied her across the
room.
Exertion made her conscious of her
weakness. She Btood trembling while
he shut the door aud locked it.
"You must not walk," he said, and
before she realized his purpose he
had her comfortably iu his arms and
was oarryiug her down the stairs. It
seemed useless to remonstrate, so she
only thanked him quietly when he set
her on her feet at the street entrance.
At the hospital she made fair pro
gress towards health; but it was five
weeks before she went back to her lit
tle room in the apartment house.
"It docs seem so good to have you
here again," said Miss Winslow,
establishing herself for a comfortable
chat. "I've been so lonesome I
couldn't set myself about anything
evenings. Qneer, how Dr. Halberta
petered out, isn't it? Haven't you
heard? Why, he raked in the money
right and left, and finally cleaved out
one night, leaving lots of debts, and
taking ever so many things he hadn't
paid for! Straugo! when he was such
a good-looking man! I thiuk some
times yon can't trust anybody. Seems
as if you oouldn't."
Bertha took np her writing again,
and worked as hard as she dared, in
hopes of earning enough to pay some
thing of her indebtedness to Dr.
Malcolm. He had treated the matter
very lightly when she had mentioned
it; bnt that did not lessen her feeling
of responsibility. She had been home
but a few days when tne doctor came
to take her for a drive. The fresh oir
would do her good, he said. They
drove into the country, and talked
of many things. They had grown to
know each other well during these
weeks of Bertha's illuess. That
morning she had reoeived a ten-dollar
check for a poem. Now she drew it
from her purse,' and handed it to the
doctor. lie looked at it, and passed
it back to her.
The girl flushed. "I know it isn't
much," she said; "but it is a begin
ning "
"I never did like beginnings," he
laughed.
"But I must begin to pay you for
your care of me you have done so
much, more than can be told iu dol
lars and cents!"
"The worst of a physician's life is
the dollars-and-cents part," he said.
"I wish tho doctors were paid by the
Government, and I might never have
to present anothor bill to a patient.
Bnt I shall let you pay me, if you
will."
She held the check towards him.
"No." gently putting her baud
aside, "if you really wish to pay mo,
thero is only way iu which you can do
it."
"How?"
"Turn about ond take care of me.
I have no home; but I shall have one.
It will be small and plain, for I am
not rich; but I think we can be happy,
if you will come and care for me.
Will you?"
Had the wealth of the world boon
dropped at Bertha's feet she could
scarcely have been more duzed. There
had never been the least hint of the
lover in Dr. Malcolm. She eat like
one stupefied.
"Are you not so anxious to pay mo,
if it be not iu paper or silver?"
"Oh, no, no! I mean -yes!" she
stammered, covered with confusion.
The doctor lifted his hot to a paity
of ladies in a smart ftrap. Thou he
drew a deep breath.
Bertha tnrned qnickly towards him.
"I was thinking," said he, "what if
I hadn't knocked at the wrong door!"
The Housewife.
Moving Pictures.
Since the days of the old-fasbionod
stereopticon, the improvement of pro
jecting and moving pictures has been
one of the surprising advances of the
nge. From that crndo and imperfect
beginning, the evolution of tho pres
ent marvelous effects has been steady,
and, considering what has boon
achieved, exceedingly rapid. It is
now possible to throw upon canv.n
tho most perfect delineations of life
a Htreet with everything in motion,
nnd with all as clear and distinct as
though actually seen by the unaided
vision. Among the latest improve
ments in this line is one by meais of
which the operator inny introduce
other figures into pictures already
shown. It is possible to do this with
ordinary Inntern slides, and change
and shift the picture in Bitch a
way that tho realisti3 effect is en
hanced, rather thai) diminished. The
same lantern will permit of tho use
of kineoptoscopo accessories, which
add so much to the success of entertainment.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN
OF. THE PRESS.
Love's Martyrdom A Pointed Inquiry.
Appropriate Business With Pleasure
A Living Torture Time, S.30 A. M.
Natural Easily Ascertained, Etc., Etc.
Be stood beneath her casement,
Knee-deep In snow and ice.
And tuned his harp and snug of love
With every soft device.
Of love he sang and gladness
All joys his heart could hold;
He thought to catch her fancy,
But only caught a cold.
Chicago IteeorJ.
Appropriate.
Prohibitionist " I attended the
dinner of the Cold Water Society last
night."
Friend. "Yes? I suppose all the
toasts were dry toasts?" Puck.
Easily Ascertained.
He "Do you know when you eet a
bad coin?"
She "Why, certainly, I do."
"How do you know?"
"Why, the man I offer it to refuses to
take it."
A Pointed Inquiry.
Stern Father "Henry, have yon
and your new watch parted company
already?"
Henry (laconically) "Broke."
Father "Which?" Jewelers
Weekly. '
Might Have Heen Itetter Expressed,
The Widow (weepingly) "Would
it be too much trouble to yon to ask
you to call in the undertaker?"
Cholly (sympathetically) "No in
deed, delighted, I assuah you!" New
York Journal.
Costing Enough.
"Do you think that your son's col
lege education will amount to much,
Mr. Flashly?"
"I've just had my bookkeeper
figuring. It amounts to about $6000
a year, so far."
Business With Pleasure.
Zim "The doctor prescribed a five
mile walk for me every day."
Zam "Of course you enjoy it?"
Zim "Oh, yes. You see, I do the
walking around a billiard table."
New York Journal.
A Modern Necessity.
"So you're broke," soid the indul
gent father to the son he had started
in business, "but I'll put you on your
feet once more."
"On my feet? The first thing I
want is a '08 wheel."
Time, S.30 A. M.
Admirer "Has your father any ob
jection to my paying you visits, Miss
Maud?"
Miss Maud "Oh, no but er I
think that he'd rather you paid them
in instalments." Brooklyn Life.
A Living; Torture.
Attendant "This patient imagines
he is at a comio opera all the time."
Visitor "You have him pretty well
tied np."
Attendant "Oh, yes! If he got
loose he would kill himself." Puck.
Willing to Consider.
She "If you were worth the mill
ion and I was poor, would you marry
me?"
He "If yon feel like transferring
the fortune to me and taking chances,
I will give the matter my serious con
sideration. "
Natural.
"Wliere has Freddy gone to,
Aunty?"
"Gone back to the country, dear."
"What for, Aunty?"
"Why, his health, dear!"
"Why! Didhelcaveit behind him?"
New York Journal.
A Hidden Mine.
Mrs. Biggs "You call a ship 'she,'
don't you, Ferdinand?"
Biggs "Yes, love."
Mrs. Biggs "Well, then, why do
yon call them 'men-of-war?' '
Biggs "Urn because tbey get
blown up." New York Pross.
Good Bleeping.
Littie Oscar had received a train of
cars for his birthday, and he insisted
on taking them to bed with him. His
mother protested. "You should not
take the cars to bed with yon," she
aid.
"Why not?" asked Oscar. "These
ve sleeping cars."
Pinches the Milkman.
"Oh, mamma, cried Willie excitedly
npon his return from a visit to the
country, "I know now where grandpa
gets his milk. He just pinches the
cow." '
"Where do you suppose we get our
milk?" asked mamma, mischievously.
"Why," returned Willie, thought
fully, "I 'spose Bridget just pinches
she milkman." New York Journal.
The Cause of the Trouble.
"Hello, Central," said young Tiddi
oum, "what is the matter with the
line? I was trying to converse with
a er er party just now, and all the
time she was talking to me I was both
ered by a perpetual, monotonous
'chug-chug' sound in my ears."
"Tell the young lady," was tho re
ply, "not to chew her gnm so vigor
ously while she talks to you over the
wire. Oood-by." New York Journal.
March of Science.
"Alfred, you fre late this evening.
What detained you?"
"Something I ate at a downtown
restaurant disagreed with me. I made
a bet with the proprietor that he was
using unwholesome chemicals in his
cooking, and in order to prove it on
him I had to leave my stomach at a
chemist's shop nearly all the after
noon. I won the bet, but I am fear
fully hungry. Have you anything
good to eat, dear?" Chicago Tribune.
TO-MORROW'S PINS,
Wliere is the thrill ot last night's fearl
Where is tbe stain of last night's tear?
Whore is the tooth that ashed last year?
Gone where the lost pins go to.
For last night's riddlo Is all made plain,
Tho sunshine laughs at the long past rain,
The tooth that ached has lost its pain
That's what our troubles grow to.
We can stand the smart of yesterday;
To-day's worse ills wo can drive away;
What was and what is bring no dismays
For past and present sorrows.
But the burdens that make us groan and
sweat,
Tbe troubles that make us fume nnd fret
Am the things that haven't happoned yet,
The pins that we'll And to-morrow.
Robert Burdatto.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Ho "Is she really so curious?'
She "Curious? Why, she'd listen to
advice." Brooklyn Life.
"Two souls with but a single thought,"
The poem says, nor orrs
Ills thought is all ot her, you see,
And so, likewiso, Is hers.
Chicago News.
Fweddie "Aw, I couldn't get along
without my watch." She "Howmucb
do they let you have on it?" Harlem
Life.
Suitor "Sir, I love your daughter."
Bluut Father "Well, sir. What does
that prove?" Philadelphia North
American.
Tho Boy "I guess sister's beau
must bo engaged to her at laBt." The
Girl "Why?" The Boy "He has
quit giving me money." Up-to-Date.
Helen "Don't you think my new
bonnet is a perfect dream?" Mattie
"It's more than a dream, dear; it's a
genuine nightmare." Chicago News.
"You'vo voted here once to-day,"
said the election offioer. "Nonsense,"
replied the repeater, unabashed; "you
see, I'm twins." Philadelphia Amer
ican. "Parkor always exaggerates every
thing so." "Yes; ho cau't even start
an account at the bank without over
drawing it." Columbus (Ohio) State
Journal.
"Do you think it is liko mo," she
asked as she showed him her lntest
photograph. "Like you?" he repeat
ed. "I can almost hear it." Indian
apolis Journal.
"This mandolin cost only $10, and
it will last your daughter a lifetime."
"A lifetime? Gracious! Show me
one that will last her about ten days."
Chicago News.
Jones "I started to ask Newly wed
whether two could live on what one
could, but " Brown "But what?"
Jones "But he struck me for a ten
before I could finish." Puck.
Traveler "Don't you ever get tired
answering so many fool questions?"
Ticket Agent-"Yes." Travoler
"Which ono tires you most?" Ticket
Agent "That one." Chicago News.
"Pride," said Uncle Eben, "am er
good t'ing in its place. Bnt er coun
try or er citizen is iu hahd luck when
he aiu' got nuffin' much 'ceppin' hi3
pride tor be proud of." Washington
Star.
Butters "Come, you owo me an
apology. I hear you said there was
nothing in my head." Chesley "I
hope yon will forgive me. I forgot
about the wheels." Boston Traus
cript. "Our Cousin John, who lives next"
door to us, has gone to tho Klondike."
"Weren't you sorry to seo him go?"
"Not so awfully sorry. He took his
six dogs with him." Chicago Tri
bune. "Joes is looking all over town for
you." "So I understand; but I'm
keeping under cover. It must be that
I owo him money or that he wants to
owe mo some." Philadelphia North
American
"Young Mr. Enjoe is quito statu
esque," remarked one young woman.
"Yes," was tho answer. "He strikes
attitudes all the time he is awake. All
he does is to pose and repose."
Washington Star.
He "The trouble with too many
pooplo in this world is that they never
stop to think." She "Yes, but I no
tice that tho most successful people
are the oneu that don't have to stop to
think." Chicago News.
Conclusion: Sportsman (who ha
bagged nothing and is bargaining for
a hare) "Seven-and-sixpouce? That'
rather high, isn't it?" Shopkeeper
"Ah, but see what a splendid place it's
been hit." Pick-Me-Up.
"Really, my dear, you aro not blind
enough to thiuk thut the count has a
real love for you?" "It does seem in
credible, does it not? But he ha?
offered to let me keep half the dowry
for myself." Cincinnati Enquirer.
Prof c3sor "Too bad! One of my
pnpils, to whom I have given two
courses of instruction iu the cultiva
tion of the memory, has forgotten to
pay me, and the worst of it is, I can't
remember his name!" Fliegcude
Blaetter.
Pictures of Leave In Natural Colors.
One of tho most interesting experi
ments iu photography is the photo
graphic reproduction of a green leaf
iu its natural colors. To do this,
tako a copper plate, such as is used
for process work, aud have it silvered.
Put it face up in a developing or ton
ing tray, and on it place tho groeu
leaf of .which a copy is desired. To
hold the leaf itt position lay over a
piece of glnss. A spoiled negative
not larger than 4x5 unless the leaf is
quite large may be used for this
purpose. Turn over the plate a so
lution of hydriodate of potash contain
ing a few grains of iodide to each
ounce of solution. Cover the plate
completely, so that it is at least a half
inch beneath the surface of the liquid.
Set tho tray in tho bright sunshine
aud leave it exposud for about half an
hour, when, on removing from the
tray, a most beautiful photographic
impression of the green leaf will be
found ou the plute. Harper's Round
Table.