' Tne Forest Republican ' If published every Wednesday, by J. E. WENK. Oflot la Smeubftngh & Co.'i Buildin j ILX STREET, TIONESTA, Tl. Teimit - 8 l.oo Per Year. Ho subscriptions received for shorter period than three months. Correspondence solicited from sll parts of th country. No notloe wlU be taken of snonymoos oommunloatlont. RATES OF ADVERTISINCi Fore Republican. One Square, one Inch, one insertion..! 1 00 One Square one inch, one month. 1 00 .One Square, one inch, three months. . 5 00 One Square, one inch, one year...,. 1090 1 wo Squares, one year.... 1500 Quarter Column, one year... 9)00 Half Column, one year....... 50 09 One Column, one year 100 00 Legal advertisements ten cents per line each insertion. .Marriages and death notices gratis. All bills foryearly advertisements collected quarterly Temporary advertisements must be paid in advanoa. Job work cash on delivery. VOL. XXX. NO. 52. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY. APRIL 13 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM. France 1ms decided to spend $22, TOO, 000 n yoav for now war ships up to nud including VMS. The Frenoh idea is that the only way for a nation to get a navy worthy of the name is to. go to work and build it. Of the one hundred and eighteen wearers erf the Victoria Cross in the British Army, twelve are surgeons, a large number when the whole number of oflicers iu tho army, of different corps connections, is takeu into ac count. ' Tho screech of the. locomotive whistle is now heard iu dreamy old Damascus. The romantic East is be ing invaded on all sides by the bar biuget's of civilization. It takes nearly all day to go by rail from Beirut to Damascus. Tho journey is an ex ceedingly romantic one. "We use the eagle as a National emblem," sayi the ChriHtiau Advo cate, "because the llrsl battle of the devolution began iu the early morn ing, aud the sleeping eagles were awakened iu the early morniug, flew from their nests aud circled ovor the combatauts, 'shrieking for freedom,' the American patriots declared." Tho Indianapolis News observes: "The old order changeth, giving place to new," and in naval construction, at least, there is room for considerable doubt as to whether tho new is any better than the old. The disasters involviug tho loss of millions of dol lars aud hundreds of lives at one fell Bwoop have been kuown ouly since the advout of tho much-praised iron clad. Much has been said iu praise of tho enforcement of sanitary laws in the German Army, aud the fruits may be appreciated when we rocall that in the last thirty years the casen of illness fell forty-two par cent., i. e., now about twenty-three full regiments less than formerly fell ill, and the mortal ity docreasod sixty-flvo per cent., that is, during the period of military ser vice 2iOO fewer men died. The statement iu a Spanish paper , that the last two descendants of Christopher Columbus are inmates of the poorhonse at Cadiz invites inquiry s to the whereabouts of the Duke of Veragua and his impecunious hrothtr. The lust heard of those descendants of the great discoverer they were in a huff because their boats at the World's Fair would not pass the hab for them. If they have now gone to the poorhouse or sent their sons there, it is a rather dismal commen tary on the Spanish pension system, as well as their owu ability to make a living by some kind of work. It is rumored that the latest fash ions for women show a continuing subsidence of the puffed sleeve. The sleeve sometime ago ceased to be a cause for alarm, maintains Harper's Weekly, and in its present propor tions might easily have been tolerated for a long time to come. Rut that, of course, would not suit the fell pur poses of the fashion-mongers, whose scheme is to let the sleeve dwindle until it reaches its lowest possible limit, aud then gradually swell it again to the full balloon size. The primo purpose of tho artificers ot fashion is to iuduce the greatest amount of change which womankind will endure. Iu order to be adopted changes in costnmo must bo gradual. Woman will not adopt a now fashion of garb which makes all her old clothes impossible; aud yet it would not please hor to have the gowns of two succes sive seasons made alike. A chango always, but not too violent a chango that seems' to be the requirement the designers have to meet. . A fine sample of a castle iu Spain is that constructed by the newspaper El Pais, in the form of a dream of a re union of South America with Spain ngainst the United States, remarks the New York Tribune. Such an al liance, it says, would bo the second Power iu the world in population. That is to be doubted. South Amer ica has about 41,000,000 and Spain 18,000,000; in all, say, 62,000,000. Leaving the British Empire, with its hundreds of millions, out of the cal culation, Russia and the United States both considerably outnumber the pro posed alliance. Moreover, some mil lions of the South Americans are wild Indians. If they be omitted aud only civilized people counted, the new Pwrfer would be iuferior in populntion n Germany, aud perhaps to Austria Hungary, so that, instead of being the second in the world, it would have to light for pixth or seventh plnce. That is, however, of little eouseqneuce, for the arrangement is about as improb able as an alliance between tho earth " and Mars. THE AFTER TIME. O, let us Do Kind thnt only tlie earth Beneath us lies frozen and cold; That still 111" ilays Dud beautiful blrtb. Through orient Rites ot gold; That still above us tho fathomless blue, O'ernrohes the dazzling light; That still tba stars shlue tender and true. Through the Infinite depths of night. I The Lost Loui. J4 I?y WILLIAM SAGE. W II E oolonel, the pro fessor and young Jack Hawley were seated around the table in a bay wiu dow of tho club dining-room, over their after-dinner coffee. The dinner had been excellent, and the old colonel, as the . guest of the evening, was feel ing particularly genial, as lie drew a handful of change from out his trousers' pocket in order to reward the attentions of the waiter, As he did bo the quick eye of the professor took note of a silver piece considerably larger than a dollar. "That's a curious coin, oolonel," he remarked, leaning forward over the table. "That's a Louis," said the colonel, picking it out from the other coins in his hand and passing it over to the professor. "I always imagined that a 'Louis' was a gold piece, remarked young Jack Hawley. "They are generally gold," replied the colonel; "but evidently some sil ver Louis were coined, for here is one." "I have never seen nor heard of one before," said the professor, looking With interest at the large, clumsy com, with the heavy countenance of Louis XVL, and under it the date 1776. suppose this must be both rare and valuable." "I prize it more highly because of the wonderful coincidence connected with it," replied the colonel. "Let's hear it," said young Hawley, "Well," when I was a lad," began the colonel, leaning back in his chair and lighting a cigar, "dueh a long time ago that your grandfather, Jack, was at Bohool at the time aud the pro fessor's father was probably wearing kilts." "Oh, harlly as long as that," inter rupted the professor, laughing, "I'm over forty-six myself; you'll make make yourself eighty at that rate." "Well, that would not be so far out of the way; I was seventy-four last month. And the old colonel stroked his white goatee complacently, for he did not look a day over sixty-five. "It was when I was a youth of eighteen, working in a jeweler's shop in Boston, that this coin first came into my pos session. At that time, as you know, a great many Spanish, Mexican aud French coins were iu circulation in this country, and I took this one in my wages. The faoe of the unfortun ate French monarch rather took my fancy, and I kept it for a pooket piece. But before I go auy further I want to ask whether either of you geutlemen see any marked peculiarity about this coin?' And the colonel tossed it npon the table. The professor examined it closely. I notice that it bears the date of American independence," he said. "Well, that's hardly a peculiarity. There were doubtless others minted in the same year." "I don t see anything else." The colonel smiled. "Well, there is, and I'll let you eudeavor to find it out while I tell you the history. "In the year laid I went to Mex ico, silver mining was what I went there for, but I did about everything before I left the country, and ended by going into Taylor's army when tho war broke out. "One day I was seated in a gaming house at Saltillo. Oh, I was wild enough in those days, Jack Hawley, and hardly a week passed that Dave Cranston aud Pedro Blanco (they were my two partners), aud I did not come into town for a little game of 'brisca. "Well, on this day ever to be rememberod by me as the last time I eat dowu to a game of chance where the stakes were money" here tho oolonel took a long pull at his cigar and expelled the smoke slowly "I was having a particularly hard run of luck and lost so rapidly that iu less than an hour after first sitting down I was cleaned out. I had not had nearly enough excitement for my money, and wanted badly to keep on playing. Searching all my pockets in the hope of muling a stray coin I drew out this Louis, which lb.', carried for over four years. The thought at once flashed through my mind that per haps on this piece my luck would change, and I might retrieve my shat tered fortunes. So I tossed it on the table and took another hand at the game.'" And not only won back your los ings, but such a large sum in addition that you wisely resolved never to tempt your luck agai), interrupted yonng Hawley. Inside of five minutes, said the colonel impressively, "I arose from that table, having lout this piece and everything of value that I possessed, down to the silver mounting on my horse's bridle, and I wonld have staked the horse himself had not Dave Cranston and Pedro dragged me away from the table, and putting me ou thn animal b back, rude off with ine be- O, let us be glad Hint only the snow Lies white as a winding sheet; That the heart of the earth has warmth and glow, And strongly her life-pulses beat; That soon shall her fires awaken aud set Eneh nerve of nature a-thrill. And brimming with bounty the earth shall forgot That long she lay silent and chill. Dart Falrthorne, In Vlek's Magazine. tween them to our camp. I'm not go ing to read you a lecture on the im morality of gambling, yonng Hawley, nor lengthen out this story with an ac count of my life iu Mexico. Suffice it to say that I kept my resolution in re gard to gaming, and whatever .'ortuno I have made was not amassed in Mex ican mines." "I suppose you got this piece back by purchasing it from the winner," remarked the professor, dropping it on the table and putting down his ear to listen to the ring. "To my great chagriu ho left Sal tillo that same afternoon, and I never set eyes on him again." "Indeed! Then how in the world did you regain possession of it?" "Forty years later," said the col onel slowly. "Phew," whistled young Hawley, under his breath. "I was sojourning for a few days in a small town in southern Spain i'assing through a narrow street one afternoon on my way back to the hotel. I chanced to stop, as any one might, to look into the window of a dealer in curios, aud the first object that caught my eye was this identical coin. Now, I kuow that this sounds incredible. I, myself, at first thought it was merely a com of the same de nomination and date, but imagine my surprise when, upon going in and ex amining it closely I discovered that it was the very same Louis that I had lost at play in Saltillo so many years ago. I gladly paid the shopkeeper six pesos for it, and I have carried it in my pocket ever since. Here the colonel stopped. "Is that all? inquired young Hawley. "Tl'ul. is all, except that I will now proceed to show you " "Will you permit me to take a look at the coin?" The speaker who inter rupted them had risen from a table in the adjoining alcove aud now stood at the professor s elbow. He looked some years older tliau the colonel, his hair was white and he leaned upon heavy cune, one leg being decidedly lame. "I'm Major Tracer; I overheard part of your conversation as I sat at my table there, and I was so interested that I could not refrain from coming over and, at the risk of intruding, tak ing a part in it. "No intrusion at all, sir. One old soldier is always clad to make the asnuaiutauce of another, and your name, major, is kuown to every veter an of the Mexican War. 1'eTmit me to introduce my friends, Professor Langton and Mr. Ilawley." "The colonel has just been enter taining us with a remarkable account of the loss and subsequent recovery of this piece of money," said the pro fessor, handing the coin to the major. "Seventeen seventy-six the same date," said the major half to himself. Then putting the coin on the table he took up a fruit knife and, placing the dull point exactly over the letter "O" in the word Louis, a hair's breadth from the edge, he gave a sharp, quick pressure and the faoe of the coin flew open as though on a spring. With an exclamation of surprise the professor took it aud inspected it closely. Some skilled workman had out it open all around the milled edge and fitted a spring inside, just under the letter 'O. So nicely had the work been done that when closed it was not ap parent to the ' nnked ey. When opened, it was seen that a groove had been hollowed through the inside nbont an inch and a half long and one eighth of an inrh wide. "By all the powers, how comes it that you knew thai secret?" cried the colonel, dumbfounded, as the major threw the fruit knife back on the table. Without auswering the question di rectly, the major took the other old soldier by the hand aud, looking into his eyes with a peculiar expression on his face, asked: "Were yon the man who did that delicate piece of mechani cal work?" "I was." "Tell me what on earth induced vou to do it?" "For the life of mo I can't say. What induces people to make baskets out of cherry pits, lockets out of hair and the tuousana and one little gim- cracks that are always being made? I was a skillful workman, and in an idle hour I took up this coin, cut it open and fitted it with a spring. There is just one way to open it. You must have had the piece in your possession atone time and stumbled upon the secret. I put something in that cavity iu the centre did you take it out?" I did." The major drew up a chair and stretched his f tiff leg out under the table comfortably. "In 1847," be began, looking fixedly at the colonel, "I was. also iu Mexico." The colonel nodded and handed the major a cigar. "Thanks. I was with Scott at Vera Cruz." "And I," said the colonel, giving him a light, "was with Taylor in the northern part of the conntry." . "Having lived in Mexico for a number of years previous to the war," continued the major, 1'ghting his cigar, "and speaking the language of ; the conntry, I was more valuable in the secret service than is the field, so I was," here he puffed on the cigar for a few seconds to get it well lighted "a scout." "I understand," and the colonel nodded again. "The American army took np quar ters at Jalapa, where I left them and made a detour towards the south, to discover a suitable route by which our forces could approach the City of Mexico, and avoid the fortifications aud ambuscades which General Santa Anna had provided for their reception I had been most successful, and had reached Molino del Rey, a small town almost in the shadow of the walls of Mexico City, when I was captured by the Mexicans and thrown into the jail to await trial as a spy. Imagine my despair. I had every inch of the ground from Jalapa carefully photo graphed in my brain. Could furnish Scott with information of the greatest importance, and here I was jugged in that little, miserable Mexican jail with every prospect of being condemned to denth, and no possible way of getting any part of my valuable information to the ears of the general. "You will, of course, surmise that the first thing I had done on being left alone in my cell was to examine every avenue of possible escape. My room was ten by twelve. There was in it a table, one chair and a pallet of straw. One small iron barred win dow, looking out on the prison yard beneath, furnished what light there was. The bars were half au inch in diameter, and firmly set in the masonry. Using all my strength I could not budge them. I was not, however, kept long in suspense. On the afternoon of the second day I was taken out, tried, found guilty, and condemned to be shot at sunrise on the day following that is, within fif teen hours. "On my return to the hot, badly aired cell with the stunning effect of my sentence benumbing my brain, I sat listlessly down by the table and allowed my head to rest in the hollow of my hands. My attitude of dejec tiou appealed to the sergeant who brought me in, for placing his hand on my shoulder he asked if there was nothing he could do for me. I shook my head. 'There are some very nice grapes in the market place outside,' ho said persuasively. The sound of the word 'grapes' recalled to my mind how parched the roof of my month was, so I thanked him, and said I should enjoy a few. I handed him a half eagle, which my captors had overlooked when they took everything else -of value from me. In less than five miuutes he was back with a basket of delicious-looking fruit, which he placed on the table at my elbow, and offered me the change. I motioned him to keep it, saying that be could spend it to better advantage than I. He pocketed it with an expression on his countenance intending to denote commiseration, but ho was such happy, smiling-faced fellow that the effect was rather comical. As he was putting the change in his pocket one of the larger coins slipped through his fingers and striking the floor on its edge it circled about the room and ended by nestling on the straw at mi feet. Actuated by a foe'ing of deli cacy the sergeant withdrew without stooping to pick it np, and hardly noticing the occurrence I remained seated at the table. After a short time I pulled myself together enough to eat some grapes, and then com menced to write a few lines to my friends at home in the hopes that through the kindness of my jailer, who had also furnished me with paper and pencil, they wculd some day reach the hands for whom they were in tended. As I finished writing my eye caught the glitter of the coin at my feet. I picked it np and tossed it onto the table before me. On looking at it closer I noticed that it was a French coin, with the head of Louis XVI. stamped upon it. This sent me off into another train of thought, and as I mused I tapped mechanically on the coin with the point of my pencil, thus," and the major illustrated the action with the fruit knife. "I must have struck a sharp, quick blow right over the letter O, for all of a sudden the face of the coin flew open and out popped a little object that fell on the table with a tinkling sound. I took it between my thumb and finger, and going to the light could hardly believe my eyes when I saw that I held a tiny file about an inch and a bilf in length, with delicate sawteeth, which were al most invisible to the naked eye. The next moment I was standing on my stool at the window, experimenting on the iron bar. The little instrument was made of the hardest steel, and its tiny teeth made some impression on the iron. For half an hour I worked away persistently, and by that time I bad cut into tne bar a little. Not much, to be sure, but (it il I enongh to raise my hopes. It was only a ques tion of timft aud not being interrupted, and I should be through that window. I worked away like a beaver. Twelve hours to saw through two half-inch bars. I had read of men who, with files made with watch-springs, had cut their way to liberty through iron bolts and bars, or with no other tool than the blade of of a penknife had dug through a dozen feet of stone and mortar to the daylight beyond; bat thesa men bad taken weeks and mouths to complete their task, while I had just one short summer night. Nearly two . honrs passed thus when the faint twittering of a bird warned me of approaching day. I had not finished the first bar. I seemed to be making no progress at all now. Once the little file had slipped from my fingers and fallen to the floor, where I had been obliged to grope for it, and the constant fear lest it should slip again and fall outside made me doubly cautious and slow. As the first streaks of red tinged the eastern sky the roll of the drum in the guardroom beneath told me ttiat the sentries were abont to be changed. Exerting all my strength I wrenched the bar free at the -bottom and bent it inward and upward like a hook. The aperture thus made was small, but still I might squeeze through. The remembrance how, as a boy, I nsed to crawl into our barn at home through a small window from which a pane of glass had been knocked, came to my mind encouragingly. Snatching np the pistol I pushed the table under the window, and, jumping npon it. began, feet first, to work myself through the hole. I was about the same size all the way up in those days" here the major looked rather regretfully at ;the pres ent generous proportions of his waist coat "but when I had gotten half way through I stuck fast. Just at this moment I heard voices at the door and a key grate in the lock. They had some difficulty in unlocking it, for I had left the key in the lock on my side. Meanwhile I struggled valiantly, but the more I wriggled the tighter I seemed to get wedged in the window, and the blood surged np into my head with splitting violence. There I was, caught in my own trap, waving my legs about and striking them against the wall on the outside. "Tho key on my side of the door fell to the floor, and the key on the other side turned in the lock. I called out as menacingly as my lack of breath would permit: 'The first who enters will be shot dead.' Here I gave a tremendous squirm. 'I have overpowered the sentry (wriggle), and have his pistol.' The clfck of my weapon carried conviction with it, for the men in the corridor paused. By a superhuman effort I drew myself a little toward the inside, of the room, and getting one arm outside, managed to slide out of the window. Here I hung by one arm from the bar, my shirt, having caught on the ragged stump of iron, prevented me for a moment from dropping to the yard beneath. A sentry on the prison wall spied me at this juncture and fired his musket. It was his last shot, for as his ball struck the mortar from the wall near me I raised my pistol and picked him off his perch. I let go my hold. There was a soft burr of ripping flannel, and I fell to the ground. I was upon my feet and over the wall like a cat. As I leaped a volley of shot followed me, and the soldiers poured out of the jail in pur suit. There were some horses tied in front of the postoflice opposite, and breaking the tether of one of them I was on his back and away up the street in a flash. It was only an eighth of a mile long. You know how these little Mexican towns are built. Pandemon ium reigned there for about ten sec onds, and then I was off towards the mountains. A dozen men were after me in full chase, but they never came within shooting distance again. You see, I knew the country even better than they, having been scouting in it for weeks. I made my way back to our lines with all possible dispatch, avoid ing any encounter with the natives. Once, however, urged by huuger, I stopped at a small habitation for pro visions. The Mexican who lived there was not inclined to be curious, and gave me an abundance of food, so to pay him for his kindness I gave him this piece of money, vhich was all I had. "When I finally reached the Ameri- con army I found that Scott had given up all idea of seeing me again, and was preparing to press forward to the at tack. "On the 18th of August our forces were shelling the City of Mexico from the very town of Molino del Rey, aud on the 19th we took the city itself by assault. "I wanted to have a hand at whip ping Santa Anna, so took part in the charge aud received a wound in the leg which resulted in this. The major stuck out his left leg from un der the table. "Cork, sir! "That, gentlemen, is how I come to know how to open this remarkable coin. Then drawing a fat wallet from his inside vest pocket he fished out from its recesses something folded in what had once been white paper, now dark with age. Unwrapping it he disolosei'. tiny file, with delicate saw-teeth. Fitting the file into the cavity in the coin he handed it to the colonel, say ing, as he did so: "Allow me to re store to you all your property." But the latter refused it. "No, major, I think it should belong to yon." "Well, I should like to keep it as a memento, but in turn you must permit me to celebrate my first meeting with the man to whom I am so deeply indebted, by ordering a bottle of champr.gne." "With all my heart," said the genial colonel. And now," continued the major, after the arrival of the wine, as he filled the glasses around, "I want to ask you again: What induced you to put a file, of all things, into the centre of that coin after cutting it open?" "And I can only say," replied the colonel, "that it was because that lit tle file happened to be lying on my work table near at hand. It was the merest chance." "It was a lucky chance for me," said the major, devoutly, as he raised his glass, "otherwise I should not hare had the pleasure of drinking your very good health to-day." Short Stories. Foggier Than Lonilon. Esquimalt is the only place in the British empire, according to a recent climatological report, that exceeds London in cloudiness, r.squimult is also the dampest place in the empire, while Adelaide, in Australia, is the dryest. Ceylon is the hottest, and Northwest Canada the coldest pos session that the flag of England floats over. The loftiest active volcano is Coto- paxi. it is i,nnu leet mgu, aud U last great eruption was in 1855 TIIE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Joy iu Abtence Toochy A Silent Fartnri Borrowing Tronble Gregarioa.fr The Snake Kclitor Answered Her Gentle Keproach The Gentle Itemincler, Etc. I love the good old-fashioned songs, ,And for good cause, as you'll allow; A present joy to them belongs Because nobody sings them now. Judg'. Touch. "Isn't Groucher a very irritable man?" "He is rather touchy. Touched me yesterday for ten." Detroit Free Press. Sorrowing Trouble. He "I suppose you would scream aud wake up everybody iu the house if I were to kiss yon." She "Why is it that some folks can't help borrowing trouble?" Chi cago News. Gregarlon. O'Terrence "Mnrty, how wild yez loike t' be a hermit? Wud yez iuj'y solichude?" O'Toole "Oh, Oi don't know. It wudn't be so if yez hod some one t' share it wid yez." Up-to-Dute. A Silent 1'artner. Henpcck "I have troubles of my own." Mrs. Peck "But youarcthepartuev of my woes." Henpeck "Yes, Bileut, as iu every thing else." Cincinnati Times-Star. ' In the Klondike. First Citizen "That lady journalist ivho just came iu from tho States seems to be an authority on economy." ' Second Citizen-"How is that?'' First Citizen "She has an article iu the Chilkoot Courier on "How to Live on Twelve Hundred a Week." Puck. The Snake Killtor Answered. "What's afoot now?" asked the snake editor as the horse reporter pro ceeded to don his hat aud coat after answering a telephone call. "Twelve inches, same as always," replied the horse reporter, as he dashed down the stairs three steps at a time. New Orleaus Times-Democrat. Her Gentle Iteproncli. "I suppose," said a pessimistic young man, reported by the Cleveland Leader, that you would never speak to me again if I were to kiss you." "Oh, George!" replied the adored one, who had no use for pessimism just then; "why don't you get ovei the habit of always lookiugat the dark side of things?" Awful Error. "I'll never forget the time I took my good old aunt from the country to see a Shakespearean revival at one of the theatres." "Didn't she like it?" "Like it? I found out that she would never have gone at all but fot the impression she had that 'revival' meant something religious." Cincin nati Enquirer. A Long Dog. "Don't be afraid." said theownerof the very attenuated dachshund; "he won't hurt you." "I cau't help being suspicious of him' was the reply. "If he is good uatured why doesn t he wag his tail when I go to pat his head?" "He will pretty soon. You know it lakes even thought some little time to travel." Washington Star. The Objeetlo . "Give mo the man who siugs at his work!" exclaimed the cheery citizen. "He is the person whose tempera ment has my sympathy aud approval every time." "Yes," leplied Mr. Blitters, "I don't object to the mau who sings at his work so long as he confines him self to that. What annoys me is to have him come in and insist ou siug iug at my work." Washington Star. The Gentle Kemlmlor." "Did yon ever," asked the young husband, "havo your wife look you in the eyes wheii you came home and ask you if you had not forgotten some thing?" "Many a time, me boy," onswored the old married man. "She does yet. In the early days it nsed to mean a kiss; now it is usually a reference to wiping my shoes." Cincinnati En quirer. ISy Way or lllunlralion. "Mr. Trimmer," said the artless girl, "what is a labial salutation?" "Wh-hy," stammered Mr. Trim mer, "I I that is, I might per perbaps illustrate it, b-but I d don't think " "Why not, Mr. Trimmer? Here ij a pencil aud paper please show me." Mr. Trimmer trembled with agita tion. He was a decidedly bashful young man. "I am such a poor hand at illustrat ing," he mtirmiired. "Please, Mr. Trimmer." "Well," he gasped, "if you will promise to shut your eyes while I'm doing the d-drawing, I'll t-try." The pretty girl closed her eyes, the wicked Trimmer leaned triumphantly forward, there was a long drawn chee-chee-cheep, and all was over. "Why, Mr. Trimmer," said tho pretty girl, as her eyes flew open, "is that what it is?" "Yes, yes," cried tho frightened youth. "It is, indeed. I'll get the Webster aud show you." "Never mind about tho Webster," said the lovely girl, "Trimmer is good enough for me." And then their mutual understand ing was complete, C'levelaud Plaiu Dealer. UNCLE HENRY'S PRESCRIPTION. Ain't no use o' frnttln' Bout the weather, frlendsj Got to take whatever The kind Creator sends. What if clouds do gether. And the cold winds blow? Can't have jlst fair wenther All the time, you know. But there's one thing certain, If your stomach's right. If ou can make thn darkest Day seem nice 'a' bright. Git up in the mornin', Hustle 'round a bit; Show 'em there's some giDger In your system yit. Sing 'n' dauce V whistle, (Startle all creation Anything to gtt your Blood in circulation Make somebody happy Lordy, that's the w:;y Any one can brighten lp the darkest day! Cleveland Leader. HUMOR OF THE DAY. "Your friend?" "No; merely an acquaintance from whom I borrow money." Judge. "Who is that military-looking chap?" "That, sir, is the hero of a rumored war." Puck. "Did you get your bike on the in stallment plan?" "Yes, I pay the doctor ten dollars a month." Puck Jones "Why, Bridget, this is a very small egg!" Bridget "Sure, sir, it was just laid this morning."--Detroit Free Press. Women don't need to be told that the prick of conscienco is about as productive of pin-money as anything yon can mention. Pnck. The chief aim of some women's lives seems to be to get things slicked np one day before it is time to slick 'em up for the next. Puck. Van Braam "Jaysmith says he is an expert in toxicology." Shingles "He must mean intoxicology. Pitts burg Commercial Telegraph. "Yon think you are a pretty smooth article," said" the salt. "I have been told," replied the lard, "that I am quite refined." Cincinnati Enquirer. Miss Trill "I love to hear the birds sing." Jack Downright (warmly) "So do I. They never attempt a piece beyond their ability." London Tit Bits. "There are. things in this world more valuable than money, my son." "I know it. That's'the reason I want money to buy them with." Detroit Free Press. Drivrgist "See here! Why didn't you tell that customer that we had something just as good?" New Clerk "Because he was after some postage stamps." Puck. Stranger (in Texas) "How long do you fellows work at a stretch?" Cow boy "Well,' it depends a good deal on how easy a feller dies. Dey're variable." Judge. He "Well, I must be going; I al ways seem such a fool among a lot of females." She "You seem always the same to me." (Now, what did she mean?) Standard. Watts "I've got nn uncle eighty years old aud he is as frisky as a schoolboy." Potts "As a schoolboy going to school or coming out?" In dianapolis Journal. "More men," remarked l server of men and things, "would sell themselves to the devil, if the devil could bo taken in with green goods." Detroit Journal. "So that burglar carried off all your silver?" "Yes; but what upset us the most was that he drank up all our cream and we had none for our coffee at breakfast." Detroit Free Press. Blobbs "That fellow to whom I nodded will probably cut me the next time he sees me." Slobbs "Why?" Blobbs "He's my barber; and he's very careless." Philadelphia Record. Mrs. Hoyle "What was all that noise at your house this morning?" Mrs. Doyle "The servant broke Borne of the china and then my husband broke one of the commandments." Standard. "I have a doctor's certificate here that I cannot sing to-night," said the prima donna. "What?" roared the manager; "I'll give you "a certificate that you never could sing." Detroit Free Press. Her Mamma "She says when she undertook to reprove you your re marks were, to say the least, out of place." Her Husband "Why, I couldn't get a word in edgewise." Detroit Journal. Prisoner "It's hard to charge'me with forgery, for you see I can't even sigd my owu name." Judge "That point is immaterial; it's auother man's name you're accused of signing." London Tit-Bits. Mrs. Stuckup "Is this Mr. Slim purse you have engaged yourself to a mail of means?". Sensible Daughter "Yes, mother. He means all he says, aud that's the sort of a husband I want." Standard. "No, no," said the Circassian beauty; "I can uever marry the tat tooed man." "My!" replied the fat lady; "I should call him a good catch." "Not so," continued the beauty. "He has au elephantouhis bauds." Phila delphia Bulletin. "Now, Thomas," said a certain bishop, after taking his servant to task one morning, "who is it that sees all we do and hears all we say and knows all we think, aud who regards even me in my bishop's robes as but a vile worm of tho dust?" Aud Thomas re plied, "The missus, sir." London Tit-Bits. Projectiles used by the United States army for its great modern guns cost as follows: Solid shot, 8-inch, $9.K0 ench; 10-inch, $111.59 each; 12-inch, 3212 each; 12-iuoh mortar shells, weighing 800 pounds, $114 each, and 12-inch mortar shells, weighing 1000 ponuds, $195 each.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers