w ; . . . V. ('rt n T7 A VIA 1 I I) i 10 ruiCbi hi RATES OF ADVERTISING! On. Square, on. Inoh, on. insertion..! 1 00 On. Pqnare, one Inrch, one month. 1)0 On. Pqjare. on. Inch, threw months, . X )0 On. Square, on. Inch, on. fr 101)0 Two Hquarea, one year .... 15 "" Quarter Column, on. year, J 00 Half Column, one year Ml One Column, one year . too (H) Lecal advertisements ten cents per line each insertion. ' It pnliUMieu ovry Wedn !ny, by BLICAN, J. t:. WENK. Cilice in. Smearbaugh & Co.'i Builn ILM STREET, TIONESTA, TA. Termii, !. 1'crV.or, f?o subscription rooo.ved for a shorter period th.in turn monfn OorrosponJon.-e solioiie I from nil parts of tha country. No noilo will be taken ol iir.OQyiooun ooiutnun:o.itlou. Marriage, and fleith notice jrratls. All bill, (or yearly advertisement collected quarterly Temporary advertisement must be paid in advance. Job work cah on delivery. VOL. XXX. NO. 13. TIONESTA, TA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 14, 1897. S1.00 PER ANNUM. ( Wages of school teachers in Oonneo tiout have donbled in the past thirty five years. It nwmii to be tbe irony of fata that Greece abouM now bo compelled to pay handsomely for the ineffable priv ilege of being thrashed. Hard times or not, the price of pictured seems to koop. At a sale in London the other day a work by Gainsborough sold for 825,000. . The world's agriculture occupies the attention of 280,000,000 mon, repre sents a capital of $24,000,000,000, and has an annual product of $20,000,000, 000. . An ordinance has gone forth in Japan exhorting the people to cat more freely of meat, with a view to in creasing the average height of the A traveling evangelist in the West ban au assistant st.itionod outside his meeting places, and every time be brings down a fresh sinner he signals to this man, who sends up a sky rocket. , The Marquis I to repudiates the idea tt Japan wants to annex tbe Ha irala Islands. lie declares that "Japnfe does not want tho islands as a gift. It only wants to see treaty rights observed." V,Portland, Oregon, baa formed a Cit izens' Protective Association. The city has been steadily losing population auil wealth, and the object of tbe as sociation is to encourage home trade and industries. The silver to be used, in plating tho "silver pa'.aco" at tho Omaha (Neb.) Exposition baa been furnished by Western miners. The metal, it seems, is, however, only on loan, and will be given back to the owners when the show closes. Every war vessel built for the Gov ernment by private eutorprise has won a bonus of from 8G0.000 to $350,000 for making a littlo moro speed than the contract requirement. "Why not raise the staudard and save the bonuses?" asks tho New York Presa. . . - -J, The Berlin National Zeitung thiuks the American applo has come to Ger many to stay. It is not only good, but can be sold in the streets at less than four cents a pound, and, what is most important of all, it keeps much longer than the Germau apple. New Jersey has made more progress recently in road construction than any other State. As a result the price of farm lands in New Jersey bai advanced and many farms which had been aban donod bocaus3 of tha difficulty in mar keting their crops are now tenanted aud cultivated. ' An English offioer at Canea re marked the other day to a Russian "I should like to sink this island and wash off the whole crowd Cretans, Turks end Greeks!" "Yes," replied tha Russian, "and when the island came np aguiu, you would liko to plant the British flag on topi" It is prob able that the one ollloer was as disin turested as the other. German v. says the San Francisco Bulletin, seems to be forging ahead in the race for iudustrial greatness, if not supremacy. She already stands second among the Nations iu the value of her exports and imports. Official figures put her exports and imports for 1895 at $1,92(1,729,000; England's were $3, !'J,",R'20,OOO; France's, $l,3Cfl,167,600, ... : . , Uuitod States', $1,644,770,000, the Jacksonville (Fla.) Me- lis: "A few years ago the region tli Florida was one vast orange The cold weather came and swept away the beautiful aud profita ble trees. Now that section is a to- bacoo farm, aud it promises to be more remunerative than orange-growing. is not packing nouses that we onoe i .1 so much abotit being constructed, baeco houses to prepare the leaf s market. It is said that where a is a will there is a way, and this nus to be true of Florida. If they 't have one crop they can another. soil yields bountifully, and the ' j7 is going to prove a success ,i on.! to the tobacco growers. Much of the tobacco, it is asserted, will prov the equal to that heretofore imported from Cuba. Iu fact, many of the na Uvea of that islund are now engaged in the culture of the plant iu the south ern coalition of this State. Calamities coino aud calamities go, but the re sources of Florida go ou forever, and a back-set does not discourage other efforts to retrieve losses. We should be, if we are not, a happy people wheil there are so many opportunities Ho b) happy presented.1' t 'TIS LOVE THAT MAKES THE WORLD CO ROUND." thonsnnd yenrs apo, or more, A maiden and a youth Discovered for themselves anew An old, vet living truth; For tlirouqb their lovo these lovers found 'Tw&e lovo that mads the world go round, An youths and maidens had beforo A thousand years ago aud more. A thousand years from now, or more, A youth W)ll know the bliss Of purine Into eyes that finsh me love-iiRiii oacKio ms; And send the world for many a day A -spinning gayly on Its way, A-spinnlng faster than before, Another thousand years, or moro. And, Love, have yon and I not found "i'is love that makes the world po round? Gustnv Kobbo, la Harper's Woekly, iciaoioiGioieteie THE END OF IT ALL. i HAT'S the lust word, is it?" It was Bale who asked tho question. He had screwed his courage to the sticking point at last. "That's the last word, " said 8 e 1 i u a. 'and to my mind, Mr. Tolley, it's a bit of a pity it ever went so far. "As how?" said Balo. He was very gloomy and quiet, and unlike himself, and bIio had ceased to fed afraid of him. "In this wise, Mr. Tolley," she an swered. "I never chose your com puny, and I never liked it. I look on what you ve said to me as a liberty. And I defy you to say I ever showed you a sign of encouragement to it." That's true enough,'-'.. nM Bale gravely, and without touch ol irony. "I ll do you that much credit, xou ve made it pretty clear as you disliked me from the beginning. And that," the girl retorted, "is why I look on what you've suid in the light of a liberty, Mr. Tolley." It won t be repeated. Bale an swered. "Good night I" He lingered as if in expectation of an answer, but the girl turned away without a word. The garden gate clicked behind her, and Bale was left standing in the roadway. "Well," he said to himself, "it's what I looked for, and it fits my merits. " Die pulled a handful of loose tobacco from one pocket of his jacket and a pipe from the other. Then, having stood for a minute or two with out a movement, he filled his pipe, lit it, and walked away. The girl meauwhile bad reached the cottage kitchen. She took a candle stick from the high chimneypiece, aud set it on the table with au angry emphasis. She stirred the waning fire with the same petulance, and, having thrust a thin sliver or two of wood between the bars, she knelt down before the grate and fanned the embers with her apron. When they blazed she drew out one of the sticks and lit the candle. As the wick be gan to burn she looked np and gave a faint cry at the sight of an unexpected figure in the room. "Mother!" she said, with a hand upon her heart. "How you frightened me!" 'Hast no cause to be afraid o' me, wench," her mother answered. "So Bale's got the sack, hai he?" "Got the sack?" Seliua echoed. "No. He was never in my service." "H never got auy wages, poor lad!" said the old -woman. "That's another matter, however. In your service he has been this three year." "Well," returned Selina, "I never had any truck with him, and I never wauted auy. And now, if that's what he wauted to know, he knowB it. "Yes," said the old woman, knitting away with the same tranquillity, "you lot him know it. "Why, mother," cried the girl, "what would you have me do? Did you expect me to say 'Yes!' to him?" .No, my dear. It would ha given me a rare sore heart to hear it. But I've known him since the day he was born, and I've been sorry for biin many time. He's a nobody's child, poor Bale is. He was bred on charity, and be was made to feel it. He's gone wrong, my dear, like a good many more, because he'd hardly ever the chanco to go right; but there was the xuakin's of a tine man iu him. You was quite right to say him nay, but I oould wish as you'd been gentle with hiin." Selina lit a second candle and sat down beside it with her sewing. "His father was a traveliu' oonjur or," said the old woman, after a long pause. "I saw him once alive, and a finer figura of a man I never saw. helped to lay him out, poor fellow, that same night. He broke his back bone with a cannon ball doiu some juggler's trick with it. They suid at the time be was in liquor, and he'd no riaht to do a daiitferous thing like that at such a time. He'd built a bit of a tent across tho road there on the waste ground, aud there was the wife a-wttituig her confinement, lhe chil wasn't born liulf au hour wheu some bluuderiu' idiot told bor the news, That killed the mother. Tuen poor Tolley's wife took iu the child uud kept it, and we all helped a bit; and bo crowed up to be called Tolley. Au as if be hadu't had misfortune enough to bejiu life with, old Tolley ihuh needs go au' christen tho poor littl meetur' by his own name of Bulaum IK- aooioieioic as d been a laughing stock for the whole o' Castle Barfield for 'ears an' 'ears. He learned himself to read'an' writo without any help as iver I heerd on. He was put to work at the pit bank by the time be was eight 'ears old, and he lerned himself the engine- drivin' by looking at tho engine an' watohin' the chaps at work at it. Poor Bale!" A bright drop or two fell from tbe girl's eyes and glistened on the stuff she was sewing. In the meantime, Balo, the rejected, had walked down into the valley, had lingered for a while at the forge gates to stare in at the white-hot, half-naked figures that dragged the bloom from the surface, and ran it on its iron trolley to tho steam-hammer, and had waited to see it beaten from its mean descent heat to a dull red glow. "It takes good stuff to abide that kind of handling," said Bale. "Tho good stuff's the better for it. But it's no use trying it on slag. Asa matter of fact, von can't have the good stuff without it. but it's a pity to treat all sorts alike." He was makinir a parable of the matter in bis own mind, and he walked on thinking of it in a sore-hearted and rather empty-headed fashion. iie passed tho frowsy town and came out on the road to Quarrymoor, with its almost instant hint of country odors in the darkened air. It was late sprine weather, almost summer, and the smoke veil hnng high and thin. The stars shone through it vaguely, and a dew was falling. He walked On for an hour, clean into the country, not knowing or caring where his feet led bim, and suddenly be was aware that the moon bad risen, broad and full, and that a nightingale was sing in. "Why, Bale, old lad!" a cheery voice called out. "What brings you here?" "There's a nightingale in the copice vondor." said Bale. "Listen!" They kept silence for a minute, and the bird a song, which had been checked at the sound of the -footsteps, began again. The new-comer fidgetted a little, and after a minute or two said "It's a pretty musio enough. But who'd ha1 thought of your caring for it. Bale? Going home again?" "Yes," said Bale. "At least I don't know about home. I Bhall drop at the Sir Ferdinand, "Ah!" cried the other, striding on acain with Bale at his side, "I should think that was more in your line. "Well, yes," said Bale, "I suppose it is. Shall we set ourselves to walk toward a glass?" "Why, no, said his companion, 'Not to-niiht. I ve better work on baud. You've always been a trust worthy sort of chap in a way, Bale, You can keep a secret?" 'I ve kept one or two," Uaie ans wered. "Why." said the other. "The secret's this, Bale. I'm going to get married. Oh!" said Bale. "You've squared the old lady, have you?" Yes. 1 ve squared the old lady, aud I'm off now to the top of Hill Road, my lad, to carry the nows to the young uu. "The young lady?" said Bale. "The youug lady," said his oom panion. ho s been rare ana uown hearted this six mouths past about the old woman's opposition. She'll cheer np above a bit when I break the news to her. And look here, Kale, old lad. You and me have always had a liking one for. another. There's a bit of a difference in our stations in life, but I've never made a difference on that account. Have I, now? Cornel Have I?" 'No," cried Bale; "you never have. 'When a man's married," said the other, "he's got to let bis wife bave something of a say about the company he keeps. Now, sometimes you are a most extraordinary racketty chap, Bale. You know you are. Selina s got a bit of a down on you, old lad. "Doiit you trouble about me, Georeo." said Bale. "I knonv what Miss Bice thinks about me, audi know what I think about Miss Bioe. We re never likely to trouble each other. "Why? said the lucky lover, check mg his walk suddenly and lacing round. "What do you think about Miss Kice?" Oh!' cried Bale, "don't let's have auy misunderstanding. I've the very hiKhest opinion of Miss Bice. She's made up her mind that I'm a wastrel, and she's let me see her opinion. She's quite riirlit. George quite right. I am a wastrel. I'm no ht society for her. and if, as a married woman, she makes up her miud as l ia no tit com panion for her husband, why, all I say is, her will be done. 1 shall never think the worse of her. It's a woman's business to keep her own man straight. Well, here's the Sir Ferdinand. Uood nit'ht. Geore, aud good luck." "Not yet, returned ueorge. "we haven't Rot to the bottom of what I wanted. Try aud bo a bit steady, liaie. That'll bring Selina round; anil I'd like to see aa old chum at the fireside now aud then. I don't want to lose you. Bale." "Oh. well! We'll talk o' that an other time. Neither Miss Rice, as she is, nor Mrs. Truman, aa she will be, wauts me about her. Good uight. George. We shall meet to-morrow, How Bulo Tolley, who bad gone to tbe bad this three years, went head long to the worse from thut evening forward, is not worth telling, aud yet was told in a thousand households. There was good choice of blackguard society iu the neighborhood for any ninn ahn (mli'hiI tti set-k it Bale fouud the worse, and played 0,,uncrowued king among it. His uauorew to bei a byword. Anxious parents warned their sous airniust hiiu. Only the old woman who had sometimes "moth- ered" him in Lis lonely aud miserable childhood bad ever - a nympathetio thought about him. "Poor Bale!" she would say to her-! self, for she hardly dared say it to an other, Bale was so flagrantly a sinner. "He s got the very look of his father on hiin. It might be printed on bis back and be no plainer reading. Ruined dare-devil. It's wrote large all over bim. Bnt he's a beautiful figure of a man to look at yet, an' if ivor a ohild'a heart was i' the right place, that child's was when he was a child. George Truman and Selina Rice were cried in church, bnt of this Bale knew nothing, for he did not mix with church-going people. But George and Selina were married, and that fact came to his bearing. Except Selina and her mother and Bale himself, no soul had an idea that it concerned him in the least. The married pair took up residence in their own house after a three days' trip, and George Truman went back to the office of the mining engineer who employed him. Bale drove his engines at the mine, the Three Crowns Yard; and a year went by. Then the two men met again, Bale in his laboring grime at the engines, and George in his more respectable working gear. "Hallo, Bale, old lad," said the lucky man, "how art? I've come to have a business look at things. "Going down?" asked Bale. George nodded and looked about him, rather evading Bale's eye than not, said an indifferent thing or two about the weather and so on, and wont-his way. "Ting!" said the little bell. Bale handled his levers, and watched the dial faoe. I could smash him like an egg, said Bale, "aud not a living creature would think it was anything but an ac cident. George's mind was in his work, and he bad no guess of what was passing in thoughts of the man who at the ill stant controlled his destinies. The descending skip swung to its stopping place like a feather. The married man stepped out and made his way along the workings in pursuit of his own buei ness. The bachelor above ground folded his smeared arms across his chest, planted his back against an iron upright which ran from floor to ceiling, aud pulled at bis pipe, awaiting the next signal. "Here, yon!" he shouted to the boy who passed the door. "What do you mean by letting all this cotton-waste lie about here? Clear it out." "All right, gaffer," said the boy. "In a minute." Ting!" said tbe little bell. Bale set down his pipe, and took the levers. Tho pipe fell over. When his im mediate task was finished he looked for it', and could not find it. He raked the cotton-waste here and there with his foot. No pipe. Bale cursed a lit tle to reliove. his feelings. "Tingl' said the little bell, aud he went back to his work. Ho swung the skip up, the careful eye seeking the dial every now and then. Being free onoe more, he began bis search agaiu. He kioked the oily waste savagely, and all at onoe, as if it had been a living thing, a flame broke out at him. He raced swiftly to the door and shouted "Fire!" "Tingl ting! ting! ting-a-lingle-ling-ling-lingr The little bell was mad. "Shaft afirel" roared a voice from the side of the distant downcast. "My God!" said Bale, and dashing back to the engine house, he fought wildly with tbe growing flames. He stamped out the blazing waste, and turned again to bis levers. Round spun the shining wheels. Smooth and steady went piston and crank, round crept the hand on the dial. He looked behind him and the floor was smoul dering. "Fire here!" he shouted. "Engine house afire!" "Ting!" said the little bell. There were a hundred and fifty men below. and he was their one helper. He obeyed the bell, and then rushed onoe more into the open, trumpetting with all bis lungs. "Help hero I Help! Engine bouse afire!" "Ting!" said the bell. The floor was crumbling with flame, and the partition wall had caught. It was built of thin wood, and was dryer than tinder. The fire raged, and he was back at bis lev' era in the midst of it scorched. choked, blinded. Then help came with a roar of voices. "Ting!" said the inexorable bell. He held on to bis post, fighting against death. Outside, men, formed in line, passed buckets from hand to haud, anil the contents being dashed upon the names filled the room with scalding steam. He could not see the dial any longer, but be worked by instinct, and the instinct never e' trayed him once. "Ting!" and the first stage of the cage was filled with rescued men. "Ting!" aud the sec ond stage was filled. ' "Ting!" and the third stage was filled. Then he tore her up like fire, checked her. ooaxed her, stopped her to a foot, "Ting" and "Ting" aud "Ting" and the three stages were empty, aud that batch of thirty was back to life again, Then he sent her down like a stone, aud lived along the plunge in his own mind until he felt she should be there, Instinct proved true again by the bell's voice. His bady was in hell, but bis soul leaped with a passionate intoxication of revolt and mastery to defy its pains, Tho men outside dashed water ou bis burning clothes. They bowled ap' plause at hiin. Somo among them wept as they cheered, and one went shrieking, with both bands writhing in the air, aa if be himself were tor tured. It was all done at last, 'and there went up a cry of triumph terrible to hear Bale reached the open air oharred, blackened, scarce buinan to look at, aud as he fell into the nearebt comrade's arms the roof of the engine house dropped iu. They car' ried him to the ueurest cottage, and all that could be done (pr bim was I done. Ha was conscious to the end and he mado shift" to ask for Selina She came, her mother with her. "I wanted you to know," said Bale. oould't ha gone through with it if your George hadn't been down." Selina stopped and kissed turn, her tears raining on his face. "There, there!" said Balo. "That a the end of it all." God has made nothing stranger than man, to be blackguard and hero, devil and angel in a breath. New York Journal. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. Medical experts are of the opinion that shyness is simply a form of in sanity. The new naval observatory at Wash ington is one of the finest sciontiflo plants in the world. Aluminum, in plates a quarter of an inch thick, has proven a very dura ble roofing material in Berlin. A German statistician estimates that ,000,000 human beings lost their lives from earthquakes between tbe years 1137 and 1880. At Berlin tbe veterinary school has found that out of 154 sick parrots fifty-four were suffering from tubercu- obis. The disease is hereditary in the birds. A late mysterious explosion in a colliery in South Wales appears quite certainly to have resulted from a spark caused by a heavy fall of the gritty sandstone roof. The world's production of coal has almost donbled within the last fifteen years. In 1880 the aggregate output was 304,737,000 tons. .Iu 1895 it had risen to 638,805,000 tons. The dust collected from the smoke of some Liege furnaces, burning coal raised from the neighboring mines, produces, when dissolved in hydro' chloric acid, a solution from which considerable quantities of arsenio and several other metallic salts may be preoipitated. A Danish scientist, Dr. Johannson, of the Agricultural High School at Copenhagen has discovered that chloroform and ether have a wonderful power in awakening the vegetable kingdom; while they put the animal world asleep, a closed flower can be reopened instantly by either of these agents. A quoer sight was the ladies' night of a London microscopical club, where the guests sat around 104 mioroscopes listening to a lecturer. Oue of the ouriosities Bhown was a chapter of St. John written on the two-thousandth part of a square inch, on which scale the whole Bible would cover just one square inch of space. A remarkable adulteration of saffron has been discovered by a German mi' oroscopist, who has found barium sul phate within the cells, and concludes that the drug was first soaked in a so lution of barium salt aud then in a sul phate solution. Barium sulphate was thus precipitated within the substance of the drug as well as on the surface. rendering detection difficult. The geological fault of the Jordan' Arabah Valley has a length of two hundred and seventy miles or more from the Gulf of Akabah to the base of Hermon, and is undoubtedly much longer. Another great line of fracture is now reported irom South Afghanis tan, where Captain A. II. MoMahon haa traced a remarkable trench for one hundred and twenty miles in a north' northeast Anil anntb-Hnuthwent rlirec. tion, finding it to be clearly a fault line. Climbing High Altitudes. All persons who have climbed great heights are aware that respiration be comes more or less difficult, the heart beats either very irregularly or with great rapidity, aud nausea, exhaustion and other unpleasant sensations are experienced. Just what is the highest limit to which man can ascend and live has frequently been questioned. A scientist reached 15,000 feet about sea level without great trouble. Tbe idea suggested itself could he not create a rarefied atmosphere by a me chanical prooess? He prepared a very large pneumatio air chamber and rigged it with all the necessary appli ances. - He shut himself in, theu the air was rarefied to a degree which would probably be fouud at the height of 24,000 feet above sea level, then ha became ao distressed that tbe experi ment had to stop. As Mt. Everest is a mile higher than this simulated alti tude, we may naturally conclude that unless there are meaus provided for assisting respiration, feet will never read the height on this globe. A Dlfllculty fu Tunnel Con.tructlon, One of the greatest difficulties to contend with in the construction of the Simplon tunnel will bo the tempera ture. In the Gothard and MoutCenis the maximum temperature was about eighty-seven degrees. This entailed much sickness among tho workmen owing to the defective veutilutiou. In the case of the Simplon it is expected that ninety degrees will have to be met. It is proposed to make two pas sages, of which the smaller will only be used for ventilutiug. This is to be oounected with the iaiu boring by air-tight galleries at regular intervals, bo that auy section may be swept by a current of -fresh air w hen desired. A fine water spray will also be exten sively employed. Source of the MI.Murl. An explurer says thut the Missouri's source is at the crest of the Rockies, 8000 feet above tho sea level, just with in the boundary of Montana. The stream is two feet wide aud two inches deep, its water coming from melted snow. This source is 4221 miles from the Gulf of Mexico aud 2945 miles from its continence with the Missis sippi, making the river the longest urv broken current iu tU? wi ld, . IIIE JlERltY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. An lTp.to-Dat Wooer ltenny'a Qneatkon Made No Hale One Kaceptlon A Cer tain Rlgn An AMuranre Pall Blie A Criterion No mftVrenee, Etc., Ktc. las, 'tis true," said he, "that f am all un known to tame: No paper prints my picture and no bard extols my name. But proudly I am mentioned in one book; and If. some day. Vou've time I wish you'd notloe that my credit Is O. K." Washington Star. One Exception. Flip"A man should never use big words. " Quip "Unless, xt course, be haa only littlo things to say." Life. A Certain Sign. Friend "What grounds have you tor believing that your novel is a work of genius?" Author "Twenty-seven publishers have refused it." Life. Made No Hale. Salesman "Now, here is a wheel that has all the latest improvements." Tyro "They tell me all I want is confidence. If it has got that, I think I'll take it." Boston Transcript. Benny. Qne.tlon. "Papa," said Benny Bloobum- per. "Well, Uenny?" "Do you call your horse a cob be cause he is so fond of corn?" Life. Full Hlie. Tommie "Auntie, mamma bought me a pair of gloves to-day." Auntie "Did she, Tommie? What are they, kids?" Tommie "No, indeed; they're men's." Harper's Bazar. A Criterion. Drummer "That fellow, Lazen berry, lounging over there, is of very little account, isn't he?" Sqnam Corners Merchant "Little account? Why, he's so worthless that he's the most export whittler in the village." Judge. No Difference. Voluble Barber "I intend to put a phonograph in my shop and to run it constantly for the benent of my cus tomers. What do you think of the idea?" Crusty "Humph! I suppose one talking machine is as good as another Judge. Tho.e Pauline lllcj.le Salt.. The policeman rapped loudly at the door, and when the servant opened it, said: "Is Mrs. Swellrig at home?" "No, but Mr. Swellrig is." "Then tell him his wife's been knocked senseless iu a bicycle col Union." Truth. Dyspepsia. Mr. Newwed "There is no nso talking I won't eat auy moro of your cooking! Mrs. Newwed (tearfully) "And you you said you were willing to die die for me! "But, madame, there are worsa things thau death." Life. An Assurance. "Of course." said the man of genius, "you understand that I devote myself exclusively to art iu its uiguuBt appli cations." "This is riirht in your line," replied Mr. Cumrox, encouragingly. "What waut is to have a couple of ceilings frescoed." Washington Star. The Hot One, Jav Green (with dignity) "I ain't a-goin' to call on Widow Grimm's daughter any more, unless tho old lady acta different from the way she done the last time I went there!" Josh Modders "How was CJl? Did she cet hot about it?" Joy Green "No; but I did! She flung a dipper of scaldin' water on me as soon as she saw who it was mat was at the door!" Puck. Well, We Nliould Think Bo. Jlr.Lionel Brough tells an amusing story of how he once met a email boy in Bradford cryinpr bitterly. "What are you crving for, my mue man?" he asked kindly. "My fevther'a been welting me. "Well, I shouldn't cry like that if I were vou. "Yes, tha would, utuyieytner were t' big drum beater iu a factory band. Loudon Tit-Bits. Tbat Was Different. "Young man," said the fond father, 'in etivinir you my daughter I have in trusted you with the dearest treasure of my life. The young man was duly impressed. Then be looked athiswatch. "Keally," he remarked, "I bad no idea it was bo late. The cars have stopped. Could T borrow vour wheel to net down town?" "Youug man, I would not trust any body on earth withHhutwheel." In' dianapolis Journal. His Dearest Possession. was getting lute, and ft ill It was ffettinii bite, and at ill the venerable ex-United States Senator lingered in the parlor with the young people. Evidently something had to be done. "I hope, papa." said his danghto! irentlv. but firmlv. "that you will not fHel offended if I now move a call of the house, during which all person not entitled to the floor will please re tiro while Charlie and I discuss questiou of personal privilege. Truth. The people of Germany aud Belgium are the greatest potato eaters; tne consumption iu these countries ex ceeds oue thousand pouuds per head of population. THE LOAFING TIME FOR ME. I like to stna' around an' talk when neigh bors come alonR, Or set down on a stump au' hoar the robin's cbeerln' song; I like to lay down olose beside the winder Id the loft, An' look off on the river, when the wind Is blowln soft. Jes' now I sot a vls'tln' 'long o' Hannah, on the stoop. Talkln' about the purty way tbera woopln' wilier droot Them little onoe a-stan'in' thore on either side the sate. Like little tender gals that feci too shy to loox up straigat. But Hannah she was flyln round, with brush an' broom an pan. An' savs, "Why don't you go to work? You're irlttln' lazy. Danl" But when I git my work all done, with lots o time to spare, An' Hannah's slicked the kttehen np, an' sets a-aewln' there. I alwls feel so rosttess-like, a-hankerln' for chore. With not a soul a-stlrrln' an' as still as death OU doors; An' Bannah'U say, "Aly sakes allvel why don't yon stop id rest?" But even-thing's so solemn that I can't If I be biesti It's In these summer mornfn's, when ths work is niled In stacks. N' I know I'd onghter taoklo It with scythe or hoe or axe. Then's when 1 feel like loaflii' an' likelollln' round a spell. When the posies are a.op'nln', an' there's suob a (xeeli nln smell; Before the day gits drowsy, or the birds run oat of clee. Whon everything Is lively that's tha loafln' time for me! Emma C. Dowd, In Ladles' Home Journal. HUMOR OF THE DAY. He "Miss Peavick's age is tolling upon her." She "What ingratitude!".. Puck. 'What constitutes a good joke?" "The right sort of a fellow to tell it to." Judge. First Kelcrhhrtr fnrondlv "Mt O l--w J daughter is learning the violin." Sec ond Ditto (sadly) ' 'So I hear. " Lon don Fun. 4k "George, isn't this a love of a bon net?" "I suppose so; it doesn't look as if it would last longer thau six weeks." Puck. Parke "I thought you said you had , plenty of furniture to fill your new house." Lane "That was before I moved." Judge. Wheoler "I hear Sprockets mar ried a Tartar!" Bearings (sententious ly) "Yes poor old fellow! she steers their tandem!" Puck. His Wife "Well, they've returned our lawn mower at last. The (sub urbanite "Is it completely worn out or does it merely need repairs?" Puck. "Gentlemen of the jury," said the lawyer, "there were thirty-six hogs. Please remember the fact just three times as many as in tho jury box, gen tlemen." He "He that courts and runs away, will live to court another day." She "But he that courts and does not wed, will find himself in court instead." Standard. Young Author "Can yon tell me how to beoome a good poet?" Editor "Oh, yes! The very first thing for you is to die. All the good ones are dead." Standard. "How is this, Count? They say the stone in this ring you gave me is imi tation." "Oh, liko enough. I never was very strong iu mineralogy." Humoiistisohe Blaetter. Hicks "How did Jackson ma' if t, ,-:. j.. . ms money auywayr jjijk " - -ii-literary work. He had to get out uf if because be couldn t make a dollar in it." Souierville Journal. Grimshaw "Well, I beat Borrowby out of $4 just now." Askins "How in the world did you do it?" Urun shaw "Oh! he struck me for five, and I lent him one." Puck. It is a great pity that a man can't discharge his debts as a woman does hers by hiring a hall, and passing around a bit of cake and a dub of ice cream. Atchison Globe. Aunt Sarah (to nephew from the city) "Is Uncle Cyrus through milk lug, Teddy?" Teddy "Not quite. He's finished two faucets aud has just begun ou tho other two." Judge. Walker Farr "I thought your next tour was to have beeu through South Africa." Count d'Ties "It wos, but the company struck. One of theui had read that au ostrich egg often weighs a dozen pouuds." She (angrily) "I believe you think more of that nasty old pipe than you do of me, your wife." Ho (mildly) "Well, my dear, I euu keep my pipe from going out." C'iuciunatiCommer- . cial Tribune. The Fiancee (vaguely) "If Harry leaves for Boston to-day he won't come; but if he comes to tea we'll know he'a here!" Maiden Aunt (bitterly) "I shouldn't judge by appearances men are so deceitful!" Truth. Wiekwire "Have you been follow iug Tiuiuiiua's career lately? He has written several short articles full of promise." Mudge "So have I, but I haven't beeu able to pay auy of them yet." Iudiuuapolis Journal. Cumso "Why don't Mr. Gilgaland Miss Perkasie get married?" Cawker "Shyness on both sides." Cumso "How do you muke thut out?" Cawker "She is a why little thing by nature aud he is shy of cash." Detroit Freo Press. ' "Are you sure these corsets are uu breakable?" asked the doubting cus tomer. "I have beeu wearing one my self tor a year," said the valeslady, "and it ain't broko yet. And," she continued, blushiug, "I am eugaged." Cincinnati Enquirer. Department Store Photographer (suavely, to sitter) "Now look pleas ant, please." Van Prune (being photo- irraphod while waiting for his wife, tuiaerably) "I can't. My wife i downstairs attending your bargain sales of dross goods aud millinery." Fuck.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers