m Forest Republican 7 For RATES OF ADVERTlSINQi On. R.pmrs, on. Inch, on. Innartlon..! 1 00 On. Square, on. Inoli, one month. ., 8(10 On. Hqu.ra on. inch, three months. . A 00 On. Squara, on. inch, one year 10 O) Two MqunriM, one yesr.... 5uU Quarter Column, on. year ftHK) Half Column, ou. yenr , ftOOO On. Column, on. year 100 OU ieeal advertisement, ten cent. pr lin. each insertion. Marriages and il.ith notices grntln. All billi for yearly advertisements collect! quarterly Temporary advertisements rou.t be paid in advnnc li publlshajj every Wedn.Jay, by :publican. J. E. WENK. Office In Emearbaugh & Co.'i Building . KLU STREET, TIONESTA, tk. Terms. Dl.uoPerYear, Wo subscription reoolved. for a shorter period than three months. Correxpondenca lollett.J from nil parti of ir.j country. No not lot will ba taken of anonymoui ooanuunloailons. VOL. XXX. NO. 11. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30, 1897. S1.00 PER ANNUM. joo worn caHb on delivery. Re Ia tlio millennium you will be able to press a button and disoover your missing collar button, predicts Puck. The Baltimore Hun in asking its renders for tbe nnmes of the two most worthy Marylondors to be honored by statues at the National Capitol. The record for rapid building In Chicago, which until recently was hold by the Fisher Building, has been broken by tho Fair Building, whose nine steel stories were put up in twenty-nine days. The Baltimore American thinks it efbout time that that city were putting up another monument, and thus live np to the name, other cities beiug in danger of stealing a march ou the "Monumental City." The Presbyterian Church Is the only religious body whioh has . minis ters and churches in every State in the Union, and by the statistics or 1896 consisted of 7573 congregations, 6942 ministers and 013,710 members. From a business and, indeed, many other standpoints, one of the most im portant decisions recently handed dvwn by the U nitod Stotes Supreme (jurt was that rendered in the caBe of thoTJnited States Government against the Boll Telephone Company, says the New York Independent. The main contention on the part of the Govern ment was that the dolay of thirteen "yrsjujrratiting the patent applied for in 1877 was tho lining im CCH.--. pany, but the court found that the Patent Office was solely at fault. The decision has the effect of continuing tbe control of the telephone by the Bell. Company for seventeen years from 1891. . The Kansas City Journal tells how Miss Ethel Hoskinson the othor day started from Corning to Seneca to take the examination for teachers. Beach ing a stream which had been swollen by the floods, her horses and buggy were washed away. She kopt her head, however, and the horses luan- ..jffCeJ to swim out ou the other side, Oer floating quite a distauce down the jaui, though all the time the buggy l so far below the surface that the r came up to her armpits. Once be bauk she drove hurriedly into Seneca, borrowed some dry clothes from an acquaintance, ran over to the courthouse, took the examination, aud triumphantly bore off a first-grade cer tificate. ' Englishmen jealous of their coun try's honor deeply feel the disgrace of the Jamesou raid, aud would go to groat lengths to undo the uufortuuate deed. The Westminster Gazette, of London, says; "We cannot help think ing that the item 'moral and intellec tual damage' in the little bill which President.Kruger has just presented boa got put on tho wrong side of the account. For it is this country which has had all the kicks and no ha'pence in consequence of the raid. But in any eveut it is the chartered company whio' as to pay, and we suggest as an gating problem if the coin p a million to the Transvaal f S and intellectual damage,' i fought to be paid to England , damijge? A German con- ,7 remarks that a similar feel ing moves - even tho most jiugoistio English papers. They abuse the Boers to find au excuse for a deed which, in their hearts, they regard as iuexcusa- " ble." -J , 'war-chest" of Gerineuy is kept lp the fortified cfty of Spaudau. Here, states Youth's Companion, is deposited gold ooin equivalent to thirty million dollars, instantly available for military purposes. It is understood that Great i n and France are even more rich ly ' '1, although neither of these "'its treasure in a "war tucaL" Wi the other baud, has ory little, and her people are axed to the verge of starvation that that lit tha fiiay be kept untouched, ltussia has been a'chrouio borrower, partly to supply a fund of which no one outside f (ilussia knows the extent. It has u asserted, possibly with some ex ritio4, that Germany could put , million men into the field, fully quipped, within ten doys after hos . lilies began. On a war footing, the .rinan, llusar&u and French 'armies .j:U.l number, each, more thau three million men; the Ituliau aud Austrian about two millions each. To support such multitudes would soon empty any "war-chest." A country like Ger muuy, whose publio debt is only about ten dollars per capita I tilths debt is almost eighty dollars for each inhab itant could resort to taxation, aud by various means withstand a loug struiu. it it staggers imagination to dwell upon the burdens that protracted war would luy upon the unhappy subjects of the bankrupt nation Como on, follows, hero are rockets That will sot tho skins aglow. And a loail of Chinese crackers With a heathen snap and go. Stop with all this argyfying, Toss your bslls and'thlngs awny, For I'm bunt on Jubilation And on nothing vise to-day. You may toll me things ore murky, And It ain't uo time for fun That there's lots of trouble brewing, And a lot of work undone; But, consnrn It all, mutes! cranking Neither makes nor saves your hay. It my bird had been a raven, I'd have never soon to-duy. I'd have never nulled through forests Whore the redskin, only yelled. I'd have never sot my linnuor On tho heights tho brown benr hold. Through starvation, cold and darkness, I'd hnvo novcr fought my way, To a p'lnt, I ruthor reckon, I kin blow awhile to-dny. I H& TUT? w rnr tOtu nr tttt -r . m 11 Br HELEN FORREST GRAVES. HE old wooden clock iu the kitchen had just struck Farmer Ilalliday had Jong been in bed anQ as'reepr " e rnflfl at F.u ' 1 . 1. lTkjJr every morning to "le 'nrm ,vork Pf started bricbt nud early, aud his old wife was just rolling up hor knitting-work to ascend the stairs a niuu-iace woman witu a white-frilled cap and a brown calico gown. While out in the dewy star light by the gate Leah Linton stood. leaning her elbows on the fence and talking with a showily-dressed young woman of about her own age. "Never seou tho city?" exclaimod Flora riimpton, echoing Leah's last words. "Never seen the city? Well, J declare! I don't believe there's another girl iu Tauhasset that could say that! You re too deliciously green for anything, Leah Linton 1" In the soft, motallio starshine Leah felt herself crimson to her very tem ples, with a sense of being somehow put in the wrong. "No," she admitted; "I" "Leah! Leah!" called Mrs. Halli dny's gentle old voice from the win dow. "Time to go to bed!" "I'll be there iu a minute!" Leah called back. And then they could hear tho sash softly close again. "Such a stuffy old place,!" said Flora, elevating her eyebrows. "And yet you tell me they've got money?" "Nine huudred dollars in gold eagles," said Leah, with a certain pride iu her accents. "I saw Mr. Hulliday counting it out yesterday. He drew it from the bank to buy tho mountain wood lot, and the lawyers are delaying the title longer than he expected." "I should think he'd be afraid of its being stolen," tentatively observed Flora. "Oh, it's locked up in the old Dutch cabinet, safe and sound! Besides, no body knows but what it is still iu the bank. But really, Flora, I can't go on this excursion with you Fourth of July," she added, regretfully. "You cau't go? Aud why not? Oh, Leah, you must go! Mr. Ferguson will be so disappointed it you aren't there. I cau tell you, Leah, he's fair ly raved about you ever since he saw you at the station, the day he came down to see me. I should be quite jealous if I hadn't another fellow iu my eye. He says he won't go if yon don't, and you'd hate to spoil the excursion, wouldn't you? Why can't you go?" "Mr. and Mrs. Ihdliday have ar ranged to spend the day with their married daughter up iu Beverly," said Leah, dejectedly. "They always go every Fourth of July." "Oh, the selfishness of old people!" said Flora, indignantly. "And leave you poked up here alone, when there's au excursion boat stopping at Tauhas set Dock, with a baud aud awnings and all, aud you never were ou au excur sion iu your life! Oh, I don't wonder it's enough to make auybody cry!" as a big tear-drop or so coursed down Leah's cheek aud splashed ou tbe sweet-brier leaves below. "Look here, Leah! It's a shame you never should go anywhere or see anything " "They're not s-seltish !" sobbed Leah, an instinctive sen He of justice rising up iu her heart. "The are just as good to me as they cau be, and I love them dearly. But they don't like me to mix much with tbe young folks hereabouts. They're mostly trilling aud no ac count, you know, in the fuctory aud down at the rubber works " "Fiddlesticks !"suid Flora Plimpton. "What's that but sheer selfishness? Leub, you shall go! Now listen tome! Once get 'em fairly started off with that old rattle-trap of theirs, with tbe one-eyed horse" she laughed jeeriug ly "aud then you come down to the dock uinl wait for us. I'll see that tbe boat don't go off without you." Leah drew a quick breath. "I never was on a steamer iu my life," said she. "But, Flora, I hate to deceive them." "Where's the odds?" airily demand ed Miss Plimpton. "You'e got to de ceive people sometimes if you waut to Ret your ritfbts." Kurt 6e where 1 have stretched my fences, Hoe whore I liavo cl'nred my land, Bee where once the red door horded, My slick, growing cities stnnd. 8e where now my budding harvests Nud beneath th';wnrm wind's swny. I enn tell you' I have worked, friends, And 4 Liouulo tako a day. For high over cloud and tumpest My Intrepid eaglo lllos; Tlmr's no thing above my banner But Clod's blue and starry skies. I was never one for bragging, but I'd simply Itko to sny. Let a rival match my recant. And I'll dluo on crow to-duy, 60 whoop-la, hurrah! como on, boys, Leave tho grannies homo to skeer, Como, bring out your guns and rockets, For tho glorious Fourth is here. Shout and cheer, and toot nnd whistlo, Blow nnd pop, and blaze away, llu.r.a to the hull creation, For It's Undo Ham's birthdayl Which ethical fact Leah was not suf ficiently posted to dispute. "When do they start off at seven in the morning?" pursued Flora. "Good! We're not due at tho dock until nine. There'll be lots of time for yoTt "to'te. 34uaeJ&.jU4Lnd como down; and mind, you wear that same piuk muslin you hail ou at the station. Ferguson's fuirly gone on that pTii'lt gown!" How a Patriotic American Celebrated the Glorious Fourth In l'arl.. 1 ' Leah's cheeks, for ou instant, were rosier thau any pink gown could be. "It needs to be washed nnd ironed," said she. "Oh, you can manage it!" said Flora, easily. "Good-by! I must be off. Nine o'clock, remember, at Tau hassat Dock and if you're not there, Dave Ferguson 11 come up after you." She shook her finger laughingly at Leah, and vanished into tho darkue of the summer night. Leah Linton had come to tbe Hulli day a ten years ago as a bound girl a fatherless, motherless waif big-eyed like a robin, with a thatch of chestnut hair overhanging her forehead, and slim, brown feet, guiltless of shoes or stockings, and the kindly old couple bad adopted her into their heart and home. Now, at eighteen, she was socially their equal, to all intents and pur poses, and loved them with a timid, shrinking devotion. But since Flora Plimpton had crossed her orbit, that bold, dasbiug girl, who was a "tryer-ou" iu Holt ic Hanneford's big clouk aud mantle store in New York, a disturbing ele ment had risen into her heart a long ing to see the world, to mingle with the guy throng of whom Flora told her, to drink a draft from the cup of brimmiug, seutbiug life thut other people drank. George Auuis, the head carpenter of the rubber works, bad seemed delight ful company up to this time, but now he appeared tame aud countrified be side Mr. Dave Ferguson, black-mous-tached aud scarf-piuued, who had deigned to cast a gracious glauce upon her rural charms. All hor little system of existence was troubled aud upset. Leah scarcely knew why. Hitherto she bad been Berenely happy, like oue of the twit tering robius iu tbe thicket; now u vague sense of wrong aud discontent took possession of hor as she entered tbe bouse, drew tbe ponderous bolt, aud went up to her room. "It is quite true what Flora Plimp ton suys," she thought. "I never go anywhere, or see anything!" "Who was that talking over the gate with you lust night, Leah?" Mrs. Hulliday asked, the next duy, as she helped Leah shell tbe peas for din ner. "It was Flora Plimpton." "I wouldn't set too much store by that girl, Leah, if I was you," coun selled the good woman, reaching for auother handful of the emerald pods. "The Plimptons always bad a bad name, aud I uever heard no good of I X- 1 I. Flora, even arter they went away from here. A girl like you can't be too careful who she goes with." Leah wan silent, but she shelled away faster than ever. There are times when advice seems to produce a directly opposite effect of what is intended, and Mrs. Hallidny's words only served to strengthen the girl's resolve to bavfc her own way for once. "I shouldn't wonder," added the old woman, with a sly smile, "if Georgo Aunia were to come np this way Fourth o' July, arter me and father's gone." Still tbe peas rattled into the pan like a miniature fusilade of artillery. Leah novcr looked up nor spoke. "And I don't see as there'd be any harm in your nskin' him to stay to din ner," ndded Mrs. Ilalliday. "He'd be sort o' company for you." "I don't want any company!" burst out Leah. "If ho says anything more to Mr. Ilalliday, ask him not to come. I'd rather be alone." "Why, child, what's come to you?" said Mrs. Ilalliday, in surprise. Lenh niado no atiswor. She was thinking of Ferguson's flashing black eyoB and square chin. George Ann is was a nice-looking fellow enough, but George had no style. "Style" was one of Flora Plimpton's fuvorito words. The morning of Fo urth of July rose full of sweet summer hazes, musical with the trill of birds, and sparkling with dew. Leah could scarcely wait for the old farm wagon to drive off before she be gan her own toilet, frizzing her hair to look like Flora's tangled tresses, and adjusting the newly-laundered pink muslin gown to imitate, as nearly as possible, tbe prevailing fashion. Her heart beat restlessly; the color came aud went nervously on her cheek; aud even after she was stand ing at the dock, with tbe house-key in her baud, she began to think that tbe time never would come for the excur sion boat to steam around tbe curve of theWJs "What wVi't George Annis thiuk if ho comes there and finds ifaVi-1;'!'! up and vacant?" she thought, with a spe cies of Btrange exultation. Hush! The sound of drum and horn and piercing fife, the flutter of bunting, the roar of paddle wheels! The boat was here at last, and the first object she took note of was Flora Plimpton, waving a handkerchief from the guards. "Come on board!" shouted Flora, looking red aud excited. "Dave Ferguson ain't here yet. He'll get on next landing. Hurry hurry!" But iu her huste Leah had dropped tbe house-key, aud stepped out of the throng to pick it up from the trampled grass. With tbe sight of its gleaming brass wards, a sudden thought flashed into her mind. The money in tho old Dutch cabinet at home! Why had she never remembered that? How had she proved bo faith less to the trust the old people had tacitly imposed on her? She lifted a pale, remorseful face to Flora. "I I cau't go!" said she, huskily, "There's something I've forgotten." "What nonsense!" screamed Flora. "You'll be too late!" "All aboard!" yelled tbe stout man in tbe blue-aud-gold uniform at tbe gangplank. 11. Tho drum rolled out, tho fift'B shrieked joyfully, the paddle wheels plashed again, aud the bright flags floated away, while Leah lied tumult uously back through dew-dripping thickets aud long stretches of sun- steeped meadow. The money! the money! It seemed as if her light feet were weighted as if every pulsing, Biinshiuy second were au hour. The mjmey! the money! Iu sigut 01 the old house, she stopped aghast. The west wiudow was wide open, its veil of climbing Michigan roses torn rudely awav. a woodcu bench drawn up close to it, as if to serve us a step to some oue who desired to effect unlawful entrance. From the inside she could heur vaguo, mullted sounds, as if of haud-to-haud combat, then a heavy fall. You villain! roared a voice, so hoarse thut ut lii'Ht sho did not recog nize it for George Auuis, "I've got you now ! She rushed fruuticully in. "George Georgo; what is it?" she cried. With a clothesline which he had snatched from a peg behind tbe door, Goorge Auuis was binding the arms of a man who lay punting aud pule ou the Hour the arms of Mr. David Fer- UUHOU. 4 'Tl. Independence loy. 1 Once moro, my merry girls and boys, 'Tis Independence Day; And cannons boom and Joy-bells ring, And everyone Is gay. And Young America again Hears Unele Ham's bravo story, Of how we won ouj freedom, and Flung to the breeze Old Glory. "Not that Ferguson is his name at all!" said George, hotly. "It's Dave Ferrall, who broke open the factory till, threo years ago, and slipped off to Canada only he wore a heavy black beard then, and was dressed like a working man, and now he's mas querading as a gentleman, with a silk hat and a smooth-shaven face. The scoundrel! And he's married to that Plimpton girl. They work in couples." Leah hurried into tho other room. The drawer of tbe old Dutch cabinet bad been forced open. .It was empty 1 She clasped both bauds over her heart. "Don't bo frightened, Leah," said Annis, rising to his feet, and nodding encouragingly to hor. "I met your folks up on Haddon Hill, as I camo down, and Mr. Ilalliday called out to me that he bad the money with him. He decided at tho last minute that it wasn't qnite safe to leave it, with only a slip of a girl like yon iu the bouse, and mavbe villainous tramps around Viuefe" fellow." And he contempt uously pushed uVn'nifited Ferguson with his foot. "Come bTA on tbe porch, Leah; I dou't quite like to breathe the samo air with this thieving cur. I see Billy Locke coming down the turnpike, aud I'll get him to stop at the coustable's. Wasn't it lucky that I chanced to happen in just as he was prying the old drawers open with his jimmy?" Leah was like her lover sbo felt that she could not draw a free breath until the burglar was taken off by the fussy village constable aud his assist ants iu an open farm wagon. But when the coast was clear at last, she made an open confession of all her backslidings to George Auuis' indulgent cars. "Yovf'll never waut to speak to me again?" said whe, timidly, lifting her brown eyes to his face. "Leah," said be, quietly, "I never loved you so dearly in all my life be fore. Do you know, dear, that I came here to-day to ask you to be my wife?" Aud tho two together, iu some pio uic fashion, cooked a dinner that seemed to them like nectar and ..am brosia, and when the old folks re turned ou the edge of the dust, they were engaged. "I sort o' thought it might happen so," said Mrs. Halliday. In an OIT-Hand Way. "Get a move on, there!" impatiently cried the little boy's fingers as they held a match down to the reluctant ginut cracker. "Oh, come off," snarled the giant cracker. And in another moment the little boy's fingers did so. Wasted. Brown "So you are sorry you put the lighted firecracker iu tbe minister's pocket?" Little Johnny "Yes, dad. It was the biggest one I had, aud it didn't go off" The Ver.ntlle Binall Boy. At other times the cut he'd tako Aud to the Moor he'd tuck her; Then Johnny used to tuke tho cuke, While now he takes the cracker. After the CrUU. Brown "I'd like to have my little boy's life insured." Manager "Come around after tho Fourth aud I'll talk with you about it. " Ilia Lu.t Feurtli. II stuffed his cannon, for he meant To scare his little brother, lie never knew which way he went, Aud he'll never set another. Hi Judge, SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. Paper belting for machinery ia be ing made and used in Germany. An Osbkosh (Wis.) firm is success fully making binding twine of marsh bay. Liverpool has tho largest tiro en gine in tho world equal to throwing 1800 gallons a minute and a stream 140 feet high. The Athens check factory in to ba operated by electricity. This is tho first cotton factory in Georgia to use electricity as a motive power. Natural gas is fast going. J. I). Weeks hos just made a report on the supply and its decline for tho National Labor Bureau in which it appears that the supply has fallen a half iu seven years. Fair-bnirod people are becoming less numerous than formerly. The an cient Jews were a fuir-huirod race; now they are, with few exceptions, dark. So it is in a lesser degree with the Irish, among whom 150 years ago a dark-baired person was almost un known. The suggestion is advanced that perhaps tbe ultimate field of acetylene will be in tbe lighting of lighthouses and on board ships. Its compactness nnd the ease with which it cau be stowed away in the form of carbide and ease of generation of the gas. to gether with great brilliancy, and point to its adaptability for this purpose. Tho "stopping" quatitss of tho Lee Metford rifle, now in use iu tho Brit ish army, has been the subject ci much comment ever since tho Cbitrul campaign. The bullet used was there found of very little use iu stopping the rush of a determined body of fa natics. This will not be the case iu fnturo, it is stated, as a new bullet has boon invented, tho quality of which are said to be undoubted. A recont discovery that practical men as well as scientists approve is the complete transformation of wood into gas. The product has a power four times greater than that made from bituminous coal. Its value lies in adaptability as a motive power, which can bo applied to the produc tion of ceramics, in glass manufacture, for Bessemer hearths, and like indus tiV'.s. Bich in carbonic oxide as it is, the gas' Vo mailable for the 111 .nufao ture of oxalio aciu aud othef chemi cals, aud, it is said, at a vciyj consid erable saving in cost. j II ow General Folk Wm Killed. George L. Kilmer, in a war article headed "Bestiu Scattered Urns," pub lished in your paper to-day, makes a statement which I feel ought to be corrected. In speaking of tho Con federate General Polk (BiHhon Polkl he states thut be was killed near At lanta by a shell aimed aud tired by General Sherman. This is not true. I was standing by tho gun from which the shot was fired that killed General Polk, aud know that General Shermau was not present. Tbe battery, tbe name of Which I do not recall, was iu position on the left of our brigade, ou a hill overlooking a valley, on the op posite side of which was another bill covered with trees. While talking to tho sergeant iu charge of oue of the guns, an officer approached aud direct ed the attention of tho sergeant to a group of what appeared to be Confed erate officers at the edge of tbe woods of the hill opposite, aud ordered him to give them a shot. The sergeant sighted bis gun aud fired. Tho result was a great commotion nud scattering. Somebody bad been bit. Next morn ing we discovered it was General Polk. The shot struck him in the upper arm, plowing its way through the chest, and cutting him almost in two. This occurred ou Pine Knob, not fur from Kenesaw Mountain. Ou our advance tbe next day I visited the spot aud saw tbe stump of a treo against which Gen eral Polk was leaning at the timo he was shot. Tho tree was covered with his blood. 0. Laux, iu the Los An geles Times. Fecullar Horned Cli-augo, The Chinese aro very fond of mon strous forms of fruits aud flowers, aud any departure from the normal form is usually cherished and highly valued. In their gardens they have uutucrous forms of monstrous oranges some w ill produce fruit with points like fingers, and are kuowu as the hand .orange. Auother form has a long horn project ing from tbe apex, aud are kuow u as tbe born orauge. Another variety, which botanists have known by the uumo of Citrus aurautium distorium, bears a fruit iu tho resemblance of a cluster of sea shells. To oue ignorant of the laws of vegetable morphology, these spells of wandering from tlio nor mal typo are very mysterious; but when it is understood thut all parts of the orange, as well as other fruits, are made up of w hut would have beeu leaves or branches chauged so as to constitute tho various parts of tho seed and ves sels, and thut a very little difference iu the degree of life energy w ill change them iuto various different parts thut come to muke up the fruit, aud tbe mystery iu a great measure is solved. There are few branches of botanv which give the lover of fruits und lluwo'f so much pleasure as the studv of morphology. Median's Monthly. Timbut'Uju. Those who uro familiar with the lines of Sumucl Wilberforco, Oh, would I were a eussowury ou tho plains of Tiinbuctuo, Where thej ut the missionary, prayer bouk,TIll'li, hymn book, too! Have regarded this famous city some what as a myth. But tho French reached it ubotit threo yeurs ugo, aud it is a remarkable iuHtuuco of France out-stopping Engluud iu a race for ter ritory. Under French influences tho city is becoming a grout centre of com merce. Unfortunately tho climate is unhealthy, but vigorous stops ure bo iug taken by tbe French Government to improve its sanitary conditions. TO BY-LtW LAND. My littlo dears, tho star-lamps Are lighted overhead To guide all sleepy children From tho land of (to-to-lied, ;On a most delightful journey; Oh, you'll nil bo glnd to go ,To that pleasant, pleasant countrj Where tho dream-flowers grow You'll find a good steed waiting, v Ho mount and give command. And trot away, nnd trot awny To By-Low Land. You can go by Rlecpy Hollow, ' Tlmt's the shortest route to tako On tho Journey you nro going. From tho plains of Wideawake. You'll be there before you know It; Hhut your drowsy eyes, and lot You nro In tho pleasant country , Where the dreatn-llowers grow. Your good steed's wnltlng for you, Ho mount and give command, Aud trot away, nnd trot awny To Bv-Low Land. lErn yon Mart npon your Journey, f Mother wants a ling and kiss From each drowsy littlo darling, And she softly tolls you this Bho'll bo lonesome when you've left her, Though she's glad to have you go " To that (dcasnnt, plensant country ' Where the dream-flowers grow. Your good steed's tired of waiting. Ho mount aud glvo command, .'And trot away, and trot awny To By-Low Land. 'Washington ilomo Magazine? HUMOR OF THE DAY. Always used up A sky-rocket. Life. Weather-beaten Tho Signal Service forecasts. "This is surely a cribbed joke." "YeH; but it must be in its second childhood." Yale Becord. Mack "What is your idea of a per fect woman?'' Wvld "One- acknowledges her faults." Puck. "I hear young Nollckius has gone into the sculpteriu' business. " "Yes; but ho don't cut much of a figger." Mack "Why aro the Bijou Flats in such demand?" Wyld "There isn't a room large enough to get a piano in." -Puck. Tencher "Pinto, what is a farm?" Plato "A farm, sir, is a body of laud entirely surrounded by a fence." Judge. Barber "What will you have on your faeo, sir?" Customer (faintly) "Erysipelas. I thiuk; it fuels thai way." Judgo. "What cowards those men are! Here I am forty years old, nnd no one has had tho courage to propose to me!" ?l.'.e't',eudo Blaetter. Tho Caunilm'i ore sweet enough to eat." His Wife '''jju'v 'Jift doctor said you must liot cat sweet things." Texas Siftingn. ."Don't you think your son a littlo fust, Mrs. Sweetly?" "Far from it. He is so slow that we can never get him to breakfast before noon." Detroit Froo Press. City Nephew "I've got a couple o tickets for to-morrow night; but all tha orchestra seats had beeu sold." Uncle Josh "Do tell! Will tho orchestra have to stand up?" Puck. Cripple "Excuse ine, sir, but 1 have lost both my logs " Passer-by (passing by) "So sorry. Haven't seen anything of them. Try at police headquarters." Standard. Mother "Dear me! The baby has swallowed that piece of worsted." Father "That's nothing to the yarns she'll have to swallow if she lives to grow up." London Tit-Bits. "Muria," said John, ',vl,u must b going to have a fearfully big bird on your bonnet." "Why?" usked Maria. "I judged from tho size of the bill," said John, quietly. Harper's Bazar. "Old Gotrox suid ho got rich bj saving what other people threw away." "Ob, yes. Did he ulso state that any thing not nuiled down ho considered as thrown awuy?" ludiauapolis Jour nal. Ligbtlovo "At last, dear Sophia, we aro alone and I cau tell you that 1 lo " Sophia "Oh, please, no Mr. Lightlove, dou't tell me here. " Light love "Why not? There are uo wit nesses." Sophiu "That's just itl" Chips. Wifo (hysterically) "I am sure 1 cnuuot be mistaken. Four times iu his sleep ho bus cried out thut be put it in the corner pocket. Can it be that he lost it uftorwurd, or is ho intention ally deceiving mo iu bis sleep?" Judgo. "Tbero are men," suid the cactuu philosopher, "soeuteriirisiugthat thev 1I0 business in a dead calm. Now I know a man who advertised for intend ing suicides, so that bo could get tbom to buy pistols from his hardware store." Washington Times. Mrs. Seldom Kingell "Thanks. Jack; but it wouldn't look well for 11m to dauce. I lost my busbuud to-day." Jack "Divorce?" Mrs. Seldom Siug. ell No; a reul, genuine death. Thai'" honest. I have tho undertaker's ce, tiliciito iu my pocket." Judge. One duy a malicious person suid to Alexander Dumas tils: "You futher wus a mulatto, was bo not?" Dumas re plied: "ion, sir, my father was a mu latto, my grandfather an African and my greut graudtather a monkey. My genealogy begins where yours ends." Stuudurd. "So you say," begun tho moderately new boarder, "that ho speculated ou a lurgo scale exclusively. May I inquire what was tho u.so of tho large scale?" Glad to answer von," replied tho Cheerful Idiot. "Ho hud to hnvo it for weighing tho consequences. "--Iu-diunupolis Journal. "Help! help!" cried tho drowning mau. I uui diow mug! "Jove! What au opportunity: eruul tho re porter. "Quick! toll mo your sensa tions, and I'll give you a sen. loll' iu next Suuday's paper." But it was too late; tho man had gno down for tho third time. !l.i-per's Jia.ur. They who wait to do j;reul thiu uever do anything. 4 I i f y ir all 111- PA. K
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers