file rorest Republican I pnbllhou over; Wmla 4 lay, by J. C. WEfiK. Ode la Smearbaugh & Co.'i Btiihllnj ELit BTnEKT, TIONKHTA, TA. Termii H I . lor Venn RATES OF ADVERTISINOl On. Square, on. Inch, on. inrrton..l t 00 On. Pqwira, on. Inch, one month. . B f Un. Square, on. Inch, three months. . "0 On. Squnre, on. inch, on. year..... 10 V Two ISqunres, one year 15 OU Quarter Column, on. year .fill I Half Column! one year f0 Of) Un. Column, on. yenr I'M OU Legal advertisements ten cents per lin. each insertion. Marriages and d.ith notices gratis. All bills for yearly advertisements collected quarterly Temporary advertisements must b. paid in advance. Job work cash on delivery. KQR PUBLICAN No subscription rwo.vod for a shorter period than tnroo months. Correspondence sollnile I from fill parts of tti couulry. No nolle will bo intra ol nnonyinou eoiu'nunia.uiou. VOL. XXX. NO. 13. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 14, 1897. S1.00 PER ANNUM. EST J ) Wagos of school teachers in Conneo- tiout have doubled in the past thirty-flve-years. It soems to bo the irony of fate that Greece should now bo compelled to pay handsomely for tho ineffable priv ilege of being thrashed. Hard times or not, the price of pictures seems to koop. At a sale iu London the other day a work by Gainsborough sold for 325,000. The world's agriculture occupies the attention of 2HO,fmOOO men, repre sents a capital of 5r(l,000,t)00,000, and bos an annual product of 820,000,000, 000. ' An ordinance lmi gone forth in Japan exhorting, tho people- to cat more freely of meat, with a viow to in creasing the averaje hoight of the raoe, traveling evangelist in the West has an assistant stationed outsido his meeting places, and every time bo ' brings down a fresh sinner he signals to this man, who sends np a sky rocket. . yie Marquis Ito repudiates the idea tb f Japan wants to annex the Ha wnJil Islands. He declares that "Japrfj does not want tho islands as a gift. It only wonts to soo treaty rights observed." ' V,Fortland, Oregon, has formed a Cit izens' Protective Association, Tho city has been steadily losing population and wealth, and the object of the as sociation is to encoura;;o homo trade and industries. , The silver to be used in plating tho "silver palaco" at tho Omaha (Nob.) Exposition has been furnished by Western miners. The metal, it seems, is, however, only on loau, and will be given bock to tha owners when the show closes. Every war vessel built for the Got ernment by private enterprise has won a bonus of from 800,000 to $350,000 for making a littlo moro speed than the contract requirement. "Why not raise the sta,,j'd and savo tho bonuses?" asks nYoik Proas. f Berlin National Zeitung thiuks the American apple has cotuo to Gor many to stay. It is not only good, but can bo sold iu the streets at less than four cents a pound, and, what is inoBt important of all, it keeps much longer than the Germau apple. New Jersey has made more progress rooontly iu road construction than any other State. As a result tho prico of farm lands in New JerHcy hat advanced and many farms which had been aban doned becausa of the difllculty in mar keting their crops are now teuantel aud cultivated. ' An luigiiHU onieer at Canea re marked tho other day to a Russian; "I should like to sink thisljand and wash off the whole croijW-Cretaus, Turks and Greeks!" "fis," replied the Russia!!, "aud when the island came np again, you would like to plaut the British Aug on top!" It is prob able that the one oilioer was as disin terested as the other. Germany, says the San Francisco Bulletin, seems to be forging ahead in the race for industrial eatness, if not supremacy. She alrWfTly stands second among the Nations iu the value of her exports and imports. Official figures put her exports aud imports for 1895 at f 1,920,729,000; England's were 83,- 125,R20,000; Frauce's, 41,300,167,600; and tl.u United States', 81,514,770,000 Hiiva the Jacksonville (Fla.) Me- tropolis: "A few years ago the region f South Florida was one vast orange grove. The cold weather came' and swept away the beautiful and profitO' ble trees. Now that section' is a to bacoo farm, and it promises to be more remunerative than orange-growing. It is not packing houses that we onoe ' so much about being constructed, : tobacco houses to prepare the leaf !ie market. It is said that where is is a will there is a way, and this eems to bo true of Florida. If they . .u't have oue crop they can another. The soil yields bountifully, and the j i in' 18J7 is going to prove a success lI oue to the tobacco growers. Much of the tobacco, it is asserted, will prove the equal to that heretofore imported from Cuba. Iu fuct, many of the ua tives of that island are now engaged iu the culture of the plant iu the south ern counties of this State, Calamities come and calamities go, but the re sources of Florida go on forever, and a buck-set does not .discourage other efforts to retrieve losses. Wo should be, if we are not, a tappy people wheii there are bo many opportunities -to bJ happy presented." ''TIS LOVE THAT MAKES THE WORLD CO ROUND. A thousand yours ago, or more, A maliion and a youth Discovered for thi'iiwlves anew An old, vet living truth; For through tlicir lovo those lovers found 'Twas lovn that mndo tup world round. As youths and maidens had lxtforo A thousand years ago aud more. go A thousand years from now, or moro, A vouth will know the Miss Of gazing Into eyes tliRt flash. Hie love-light hack to his; And send tho world for many a day V -spinning gayly ou Its way, A-splnnlng faster than lioforo, Another thousand years, or moro. And, Love, have you and I not found Tls lovo that makes tho world go round? Gustav Kobbo, in Harper's Weekly. THE END OF IT ALL. 1 HAT'S the last word, is it?" It was Bale who asked tho question. He had screwed his courage to the sticking point at last. "That's the last word," Baid Selina, and to my mind, Mr. Tolley, it's a bit of a pity it over went so far. " "As how?" said Bale. Ho was very gloomy and quiet, and unlike himself, and she had ceased to feel afraid of him. "In this wibo, Mr. Tolley," she an wered. "I never chose your com pany, ami I never liked it. I look on what you ve said to me as liberty. And I defy you to say I ever showed you a sigu of encouragement to it." "That's true enough,'-' nd Balo gravely, and without touch ol irony. "I'll do you that much credit. You've made it pretty clear as you disliked me from the beginning. "And that," the girl retorted, "is why I look on what you've said in the light of a liberty, Mr. Tolley." "It won't be repeated," Bulo an swered. "Good night!" He lingored as if iu expectation of au auswer, but the girl turned away without it word. The garden gate clicked behind her, and Bale was left standing iu the roadway. Well," lie Bald to himself, "it s what I looked for, and it fits my merits." lie pulled a handful of loose tobacco from one pocket of his jacket and a pipe from tho other. Then, having stood for a minute or two with out a movement, he filled his pipe, lit it, and walked away. The girl meauwhilo had reached the cottage kitchen. She took a caudle stick from the high chimneypiece, and set it on the table with au angry emphasis. She stirred the waning fire wjth the same petulance, nnd, having thrust a thin sliver or two of wood between the bars, she knelt down before tho grate and fanned the embers with her apron. When they blazed she drew out one of the sticks aud lit the caudle. As the wick be gan to burn she looked up and gave a faint cry at the sight of au unexpected fignre iu the room. "Mother!" she said, with a hand upon her heart. "How you frightened me!" "Hnst no cause to be afraid o' me, wench," her mother answered. "So Bale's got the sack, has he?" "Got the sack?" ' Selina echoed. "No. He was never in my service.". "He never got any wages, poor lad!" said the old woman. "Thut's another matter, however. In your service he has beeu this threo year." "Well," returned Selina, "I nover had any truck with him, and I nover wanted auy.. And now, if that's what he wanted to know, he knows it." "Yes," said the old woman, kuitting away with the Borne trauquillity, "you let him kuow it." "Why, mother," cried the girl, "what would you have me do? Did you expect me to Boy 'Yes!' to him?" "No, my dear. It would ha' given me a rare sore heart to hear it. But I've known him since the day he was born, and I've been sorry for him many time. He's a nobody's child, poor Balo is. He was bred ou charity, and he was made to feel it. He's gone wrong, my dear, like a good lunuy more, becuuse he'd hurdly ever the chauco to go right; but there was the mukiu's of a fine man in him. You was quite right to say him nay, but I could wish as you'd been geutle with him." Selina lit a second candle aud But down beside it with her sewing. "His father was a traveliu' conjur or," said the old woman, after a long pause. "I saw him once alive, and a finer figure of a man I never saw. I helped to lay him out, poor fellow that same night. He broke bis buck bone with a cannon ball iloiu some juggler's trick with it. They said ut the time he was iu liquor, and he'd no right to do a dungerous thing like that at such a time. He'd built a bit of a tent across tho road thero on the waste ground, and there was the wife a-waitiug her couliuemeut. The child wasn't born half au hour when some blunderiu' idiot told her the news. 1 hut killed tho mother. J. hen poor Tolley s wife took in the child uud kept it, and we all helped a bit; and bo growed up to be called Tolley. Aud as if he hadn't had misfortune enough to begin life with, old Tolley must needs go un' christen the poor little creetur' by his own name of Bulauin, as 'd been a laughing stock for the wholo o' Castle Barfiold for 'ears an' ears. Ho learned himself to read'an' writo without any help as iver I heerd on. He was put to work at the pit bank by the time he was eight 'ears old, and he lerned himself the engine drivin' by looking nt the engine an' watchin' tho chaps at work at it. Poor Bale!" A bright drop or two fell from the girl's eyes and glistened on the stuff sho was flowing. In the meantime, Balo, the rejected, had walked down into the valley, had lingered for a while at the forge gates to stare in at the white-hot, half-naked figures that dragged the bloom from the surface, and ran it on its iron trolley to the "team-hammer, and had waited to Bee it beaten from its incan descent heat to a dull red glow. "It takes good stuff to abido that kind of handling," said Bale. "The good stuff's the better for it. But it's no use trying it on slag. As a matter of fact, you can't have the good stuff without it, but it's a pity to treat all sorts alike." He was making a parable of the matter in his own mind, and he walked on thinking of it in a sore-hearted and rather empty-headed fashion. He passed the frowsy town and came out on the road to yuarrymoor, with, its almost instant hint of country odors in the darkened air. It was late tpring weather, almost summer, and tho smoke veil hung high and thin. The stars shone through it vaguely, and a dew was falling. Ho walked on for an hour, clean into the country, not knowing or caring whore his feet led him, and suddenly he was aware that the moon had risen, brond and full, and that a nightingale was sing ing. "Why, Bole, old lad!" a cheery voice called out. "What brings you hero?" "There's a nightingale in the copice yonder," said Bale. "Listen! They kept silence for a minuto, and the bird s song, which, bad been checked at tho sound of the footsteps, begau again. The new-comer fidgetted a little, and after a minute or two said: "It's a pretty musio enough. But who'd ha' thought of your caring for it, Bale? Going homo again?" "Yes," said Balo. "At least I don't kuow about home. I shall drop .j at the bir ieruiuaud. "Ah!" cried the other, 'striding on again, with Bale at his side, "I should think that was more in your line." "Well, yes," said Bale, "I suppose it is. Shall we set ourselves to walk toward a glass?" "Why, no," said his companion "Not to-night. I ve better work on hand. You've nlwuys been a trust worthy sort of chap in a way, Bale. You can keep a secret?" I vo kept one or two, Uale ans wered. "Why," said the other. "The secret's this, Bale. I'm going to get married." "Oh!" said Bale. "You've squared the old lady, have you? les. 1 ve squared the old lady, aud I'm off now to the top of Hill Road, my lad, to carry the nows to the young 'un." "The young lady?" said Bale. "The young lady, said his com panion. "She s been rare and down hearted this six mouths past about the old woman's opposition. She'll cheer up above a bit when I break the news to her. And look here, iiale, old lad Y'ou aud me have always had a liking one for another. There s a bit of difference in our stations in life, but I've never made a difference on that account. Have I, now? Cornel Have I?" "No," cried Bale; "you never have." "When a man's married," said the other, "he's got to let bis wifo have something of a say about the company he keeps. Now, sometimes you are a most extraordinary racketty chap, Bale, You know you are. Selina a got a bit of a down on you, old lad. "Dou t vou trouble about me, George," said Bale. "I know what Miss Bice thinks about mo, audi know what I thiuk about Miss Rico. We're never likelv to trouble each other. "Why?" said the lucky lover, check ing his walk suddenly and facing round. "What do you think about Miss Rice?" "Oh!' cried Bale, "don't let's have any misunderstanding. I've the very highest opinion of Miss Rice. She's made up her mind that I'm a wastrel and she's let mo Bee her opinion. She's quite right, George quite right. am a wastrel. I'm no tit society for her, aud if, as a married woman, she makes up her mind as I'm no fit com panion for her husbuud, why, all I say is, her wnl be done. I shall never think the worse of her. It's a woman's business to keep her own mau straight, Well, here's the Sir Ferdinand. Good uight. George, and good luck." "Not vet," returned George. "We haven't got to the bottom of what wanted. Try and bo a bit steady, Bale That'll bring Selina round; and I'd like to see an old chnui at the fireside now and tlieu. I don't want to lose you. Bale." "Oh, well! We'll tallt o' that an other time. Neither Miss Rice, as she is. nor Mrs. Truman, as she will be. wauts Jiio about her. Good uight, George. We bhull meet to-morrow, How Bale Tolley, who had gone to tho bad this three years, went head long to the worse from that evening forward, is not worth telling, and yet was told in a thousand households, There was good choice of blackguard Bocicty iu tho neighborhood for any man who cared to seek it. Balo fouud the worse, and played tho uncrowned king among it. His name grew to be a byword. Anxious parents warned their sous ugniust him. Only the old woman who had sometimes "moth ered" him ill his lonely and miserable childhood had ever a Bympathetio thought about him. "Poor Balo!" she would eav to her self, for she hardly dared say it to an other, Bale was so flagrantly a sinner. lie s got the yery look of his father on him. It might be printed on his back and be no plainer reading. Ruined dare-dovil. It's wrote large all over him. But he's a beautiful figure of a man to look at yet, an' if iver a child's heart was i' the right place, that child's was when he was a child. George Truman and Selina Rice were cried in church, but of this Bale knew nothing, for he did not mix with church-going people. But George and Selina were married, aU that fact came to his hearing. Except Selina and her mother and Bale himself, no soul had an idea that it concerned him in the least. The married pair took up residence in their own house after a three days' trip, and George Truman went back to the office of the mining engineer who employed him. Bale drove his engines at the mine, the Three Crowns Yard; and a year went by. Then the two men met again, Bale in his laboring grime at tho engines, and George in his more respectable working gear. "Hallo, Bale, old lad," said the lucky man, "how art? I've come to have a business look at things." "Going down? asked Bale. George nodded and looked about him, rather evading Bale's eye than not, said an indifferent thing or two about the weather aud so on, and went his way. "Ting!" said the little bell. Bale handled his levers, and watched the dial face. I could smash him like an egg," said Bale, "and not a living creature would think it was anything but an ae cident." George's mind was in his work, and he had no guess of what was passing in thoughts of the man who at the in stant controlled his destinies. The descending skip swung to its stopping place like a feather. J. he married man stepped out and made his way along the workings in pursuit of his own bust ness. The bachelor above ground folded bis smeared arms across bis chest, planted his back against an iron upright which ran from floor to ceiling, and pulled at his pipe, awaiting the next signal. "Here, you!" be shouted to the boy wno passed the door. "Whatao you mean by letting all this cotton-waste lie about here? Clear it out." "Allright, gaffer," said the boy. "In a minute." "Ting!" said the little bell. Bale sot down his pipe, and took tho levers, Tho pipe fell over. When his iuv mediate task was finished he looked for it, aud could not find it. He raked the cotton-waste here and there with his foot. No pipe. Bale cursed a lit tle to relieve his feelings. "Ting!" said the little bell, and he went back to his work. Ho swung the skip up. the careful eye seeking the dial every now and then. Being free onoe more, he began his search again. He kicked the oily waste savagely, aud all at once, as if it had been a living thing, a flame broke out at him. He raced swiftly to the door and shouted "Fire!" "Tingl ting! ting! tiug-a-lingle-ling-ling-lingl" The little bell was mad. "Shaft afire!" roared a voice from tho side of the distant downcast. "My God!" said Balo, and dashing back to the engine house, be fought wildly with the growing flames. He stamped out the blazing waste, and turned again to his levers. Round spun the shining wheels. Smooth and steady went piston aud crank, round crept the hand on the dial. He looked behind him and the floor was smoul dering. J "Fire here!" he Bhouted. "Engine house afire!" Ting!" said the little bell. There were a hundred nnd fifty men below, and he was their one helper. He obeyed the bell, and then rushed once more into the open, trumpetting with all his lungs. Help herd Help! Engine house afire!" "Ting!" Baid the bell. The floor was crumbling with flame, and the partition wall had caught. It was built of thin wood, and was dryer than tinder. The fire raged, aud he was back at his lev ers iu the midst of it scorched, choked, blinded. Then help came with a roar of voices. "Tiug!" said the inexorable bell. He held on to bis post, fighting against death. Outside, men, formed in line, passed buckets from hand to baud, and the contents being dashed upon the flames filled the room with scalding steam. He could not see the dial any longer, but he worked by instinct, aud the instinct never be trayed him once. "Ting!" and the first stuge of the cage was filled with rescued men. "Ting!" and the seo ond stage was filled. "Tiug!" and the third stage was tilled. Then he tore her up like fire, chocked her, coaxed her, stopped her to a foot. "Ting" and "Tiug" aud "Ting" and the three stages M ere empty, aud that batch of thirty was buck to life again. Then he sent her down like a stone, and lived along the plunge in his own mind until he felt she should bo there. Instinct proved true again by the bell's voice. His bttdy was in hell, but bis soul leaped with a passionate intoxication of revolt aud mastery to defy its pains. The men outside dashed wuter on his burning clothes. They howled ap plause at him. Some among them wept us they cheered, and one went shrieking, with both hands writhing iu the air, as if he himself were tor tured. It was all done at last, 'and there went up a cry of triumph terrible to hear. Bale reached the open air charred, blackened, scarce human to look at, and as be fell into the nearebt comrade's arms the roof of the engine house dropped iu. They car ried hiin to the nearest cottage, and all that could be doue for him was done. He was conscious to the end and bo mado shift- to ask for Selina She came, her mother with her. "I wanted von to know," said Bale. "I conld't ha gone through with it if your George hadn't been down." Selina stopped and kissed him, her tears raining on his face. "There, there!" said Bale. "That's the end of it all." God has made nothing stranger thon mau, to be blackguard and hero, devil and angel in a breath. New York Journal. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL, Medical experts are of the opinion that shyness is simply a form of in sanity. The new naval observatory at Wash ington is one of the finest scientiflo plants in the world. Aluminum, in plates a quarter of an inch thick, has proven a very dura ble roofing material iu Berlin. A German statistician estimates that 7,000,000 human beings lost their lives from earthquakes between the years 1137 and 1880. At Berlin the veterinary school has found that out of 154 sick parrots fifty-four were Buffering from tubercu losis. The disease is hereditary in the birds. A late mysterious explosion in a colliery in South Wales appears quite certainly to hove resulted from a spark caused by a heavy fall of the gritty sandstone roof. Tho world's production of coal has almost doubled within the last fifteen years. In 1880 the aggregate output was 864,737,000 tons. ,Iul895 it had risen to 638,805,000 tons. The dust collected from the smoke of some Liege furnaces, burning coal raised from the neighboring mines, produces, when dissolved in hydro- chlorio acid, a solution from which considerable quantities of arsenio and several other metallio salts may be precipitated. A Danish scientist, Dr. Johannaon, of the Agricultural High School at Copenhagen has discovered that chloroform and ether have a wonderful power in awakening the vegetable kingdom; while they put the animal world asleep, a closed flower can be reopened instantly by cither of these agents. A queer sight was the ladies' night of a London microscopical club, where the guests sat around 101 microscopes listening to a lecturer. Oue of tho curiosities shown was a chapter of St. John written on the two-thousandth part of a square inch, on which scale the whole Bible would cover just one square inch of space, A remarkable adulteration of saffron has been discovered by a German mi- croscopist, who has found barium sul phate within the cells, and concludes that tho drug was first soaked in a so lution of barium salt and then in a sul phate solution. Barium sulphate was thus precipitated within the substance of the drug as well as on the surface, rendering detection difficult. The geological fault of the Jordan Arabah Valley has a length of two hundred and seventy miles or more from the Gulf of Akabah to the base of Herman, aud is undoubtedly much longer. Another great line of fracture is now reported from South Afghanis tan, where Captain A. H. MeMuhon has traced a remarkable trench for ond hundred aud twenty miles in a northJ northeast nnd south-southwest direc tion, finding it to be clearly a fuulf line. Climbing High Altitudes. All persons who have climbed greal heights are aware that respiration be comes more or less difficult, tho heart beats either very irregularly or with great rapidity, aud nausea, exhaustion and other unpleasant sensations are experienced. Just what is the highest limit to which man can ascend and live has frequently been questioned. A scientist reached 15,000 feet about sea level without great trouble. The idea suggested itself could he not create a rarefied atmosphere by a me chanical process? Ho prepared a very large pueumatio air chamber aud rigged it with all the necessary appli ances, lie shut himself iu, then the air was rarefied to a degree which would probably be fouud at the height of 21,000 feet above sea level, then he became so distressed that the experi ment had to stop. As Mt. Everest is a mile higher than this simulated atti tude, we may naturally conclude that uuless there are uieaus provided for assisting respiration, feet will never read the height ou this globe. A DlHlculty lu Tuniiil Construction, One of the greatest difficulties to contend with iu the construction of the Simplon tunnel will be the tempera ture. In the Gothurd aud MoutCeuis the maximum temperature whs about eighty-seven degrees. This entailed much sickness among tho workmen owing to the defective ventilation. Iu the case of the Simplon it is expected that ninety degrees will have to be met. It is proposed to make two pas sages, of which the smaller will only be used for ventilating. This is to be oounected with the main boring by air-tight galleries ut regular intervals, so that auy section may be swept by a current of fresh uir when desired. A fine wuter spray will also be exten sively employed. Kourve uf the MlkMourl. An explorer suys that the Missouri's source is ut the crest of tho Rockies, 8000 feet abovo the sea level, just with in the boundary of Montana. The stream is two feet wide and two inches deep, its wuter coming from melted snow. This source is 4221 miles from the Gulf of Mexico uud 2945 miles from its ooullueueo with the Missis sippi, muking the river the longest urv broken current tu the- world. TI1E MERRY SIDE 0E LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. An lp-4o-Dfit Wooer Henny'B Qurstlon MimIp No 8le One Ksrrptlon A Cer tain RlR-n An AMiirnnoe Fnll Bis A Criterion Xo mnVrence, Ftc., Ktc. "las, 'tis truo," snl.l he, "that I am all un known to lame; No pnpur prints my picture and no bard extols my naino. But proudly I am mentioned In ono book; and If, some day, i'ou'vo tlmn I wish you'd notice that my creait is v. h." Woshlnnton Star. One Kvcrptlon. Flip "A man should never use big words." Quip "Unless, of course, he has only little things to Bay." Life. A Certain Nlfrn. Friend "What grounds have you lor believing that your novel is a work of genius? Author "Twenty-seven publishers have refused it." Life. Mule No Snip. Salesman "Now, here is a wheel that has all the latest improvements." Tyro "They tell me all I want is confidence. If it has got that, I think I'll take it." Boston Transcript. Benny's ytieatlon. "Papa," said Bonny Bloobum pcr. "Well, Benny?" "Do you coll your horse a cob be cause he is so fond of corn?" Life. Full HUe. Tommie "Auntie, mamma bought me a pair of gloves to-day." Auntie "Did she, Tommie? What are they, kids?" Tommie "No, indeed; they're men's." Harper's Bazar, A Criterion. Drummer "That fellow, Lazen berry, lounging over there, is of very little account, isu't he?" Sqnam Corners Merchant "Little account? Why, he's bo worthless that he's the most expert whittler iu the village." Judge. No HIITerence. Voluble Burber "I intend to put a phonograph iu my shop aud to run it constantly for the benefit of my cus tomers. What do you think of the idea?" Crusty "Humph! I suppose one talking machino is as good as another," Judge. Tlioie Puiillng ltloji le Suits. The policeman rapped loudly at the door, aud when the servant opened it, said: "Is Mrs. Swellrig at home?" "No, but Mr. Swellrig is." "Then tell him his wife's been knocked senseless iu a bicycle col lision." Truth. Iyspep8la, Mr. Newwed "There is no use talking I won't eat auy more of your cooking!" Mrs. Newwed (tearfully) "And yon you said you were willing to die die for me!" "But, niadame, there are worse thiugs than death." Life. An Assurance. "Of course," Baid the man of genius, "you understand that I devote myself exclusively to art in its highest appli cations." "This is right iu your line," replied Mr. Cumrox, encouragingly. "What want is to have a couple of ceiliugs frescood." Washiugtou Star. The Hot One. Jay Green (with dignity) "I ain't a-goin' to call ou Widow Grimm's daughter any more, unless tho old lady acts different from the way she done the last time I went there!" Josh Medders "How was that? Did she got hot about it?" Jay Green "No; but I did! Sho fluug a dipper of Bcaldin' water on me as soon as she saw who it was that was at tho door!" Puck. Well, We Should Think So. Mr. Lionel Brough tells an amusing Btory of how ho once met a small boy in Bradford crying bitterly. "What are you crying for, my little man?" he asked kindly. "My feyther's beeu welting me." "Well, I shouldn't cry like that if I wore you." "Yes, tha would, if thy feyther were t' big drum beater iu a fuctory baud." Loudon Tit-Bits. That Was Hint-rent. "Young man," said the fond father, "in giving you my daughter I have in trusted you with the dearest treasure of my life." The young man was duly impressed. Then he looked at his watch. "Really," he remarked, "I had no idea it was so late. The cars have stopped. Could I borrow your wheel to get down town?" "Young man, I would not trust any body ou earth witlthutwheol." Iu diuuapolis Journal. His lar't 1'oaaeMlon. It was getting late, and still the venerable ex-United States Senator lingered in the parlor with tho young' people. Evidently something hud to be done. "I hope, pupa," said his daughter gently, but firmly, "thut you will not feel offended if 1 now move a cull of the house, during which ull persons not entitled to the floor will please re tiro while Charlie and 1 discuss a question of personal privilege." Truth. The people of Germany uud Belgium are the greatest potato eaters; the coiiHiunptiou iu these countries ex ceeds oue thousand pounds per head of population. THE LOAFINC TIME FOR ME. t lilts to staa' around an' talk whon neigh bors come alonir. Or set down on a stump an' hoartlin robin's oheerln' song; I llkn to lay down closo beside the wlndor lu tho lort. An' look off on the rlvor, when tho wind Is blowin' soft. Jes' now I sot a vis'tln' 'long o' Hannah, on the etoop, Talkln' about the forty way them woepln' willors droof Them little onos a-stan'ln' tliTO on either sldo the gate. Like little tnnder gals that fet-l too shy to look up straight. But Ilannnh she was flyin' round, with brush an' broom an' pan, An' says, "Why don't you go to work? You're glttln' lasy, Dan!" But when I git my wort all done, with lots o' time to spare, An' Hannah's slicked tho kitchen np, an' Bets a-sowln' thorn. I alwhs feel so restless-like, a-hankorln' for chores. With not a soul a-stlrrln' an' as still as death ou'doors; An' Hannnh'll say, "My sakos allvol why don't you stop i 1 rest?'' But everything's so solemn that I can't If I be blest I It's In these summer mornln's, when tha work Is piled In stacks, 'N' I know I'd oug liter tackle It with scythe or hoe or axe, Then's whan I feel like loafln'an' likelollln' round a spell. When the posies are a.op'nln', an' there's such a fresh'nln' smell; Before the day gits drowsy, or the birds run out of gloe, Whon everything Is lively that's the loafln' time for me! Emma C. Dowd, in Ladles' Home Journal, HUMOR OF THE DAY. He "Miss Peaviek's age is tolling upon her." She "What ingratitude!". Puck. "What constitutes a good joke?" "The right sort of a fellow to tell it to." Judge. First Neighbor (proudly) "My daughter is learning the violin." Sec ond Ditto (sadly) "Solhear." Lon don Fun. "George, isn't this a love of a bon net?" "I suppose so; it doesn't look as if it would lust longer than six weeks." Pnck. Parke "I thought you said you hod plenty of furniture to fill your new Louse." Lane "That was before I moved. " J ndge. Wheeler "I hear Sprockots mar riod a Tartar!" Bearings (sententious ly) "Yes poor old fellow 1 sho steers their tandem!" ruck. His Wife "Well, they've returned our lawn mower at last." The Sub-urbanite--"Is it completely worn out or does it merely need repairs?" Puck. "Gentlemen of the jury," said the lawyer, "there were thirty-six hogs. Please remember tho fact just three times as mauy as in tho jury box, gen tlemen. " Ho "He that courts and runs away, will live to court another day." She "But he that courts and does not wed, will find himself iu court instead." Standard. Youug Author "Can you tell me how to beoome a good poet ?" Editor "Oh, yes! The very first thing for you is to die. All the good ones are deud." Standard. "How is this, Count? They say tho stone in this ring you guva me is imi tation." "Oh, liko enough. I never was very Strong in mineralogy." Humoiistische Bluetter. Hicks "How did Jackson niak his monev nnvivnvV" 1 ) i x M4 Awi. uf literary work. Ho had to get out of iC because he couldn't make a dollar in it." Souierville Journal. Grimshaw "Well, I beat Borrowby out of $4 just now." Askins "How iu the world did you do it?" Griiu shaw "Oh! ho struck me for five, aud I lent him one." Puck. It is a great pity that a mau can't discharge his debts as a woman does hers by hiring a hull, and passing around a bit of cako a'ld a dub of ice cream. Atchison Globe. Aunt Surah (to nephew from the city) "Is Uncle Cyrus through milk iug, Teddy?" Teddy "Not quite. He's finished two faucets aud has just begun ou tho other two." Judge. Walker Farr "I thought your next tour was to have beeu through South Africa." Count d'Ties "It was, but the company struck. One of them had read thut au ostrich egg often weighs a dozen poutids." Sho (angrily) "I believe you think more of that nasty old pipe than you do of me, your wile." lie (mildly) "Well, my dear, I can keep my pipe irom going out. v.iuciuuati commer cial Tribune. The Fiancee (vaguely) "If Hurry leaves for Boston to-duy he won't come; but if he conies to tea we'll know he's hero!" Maiden Aunt (bitterly) "I shouldn't judire by appearances meu aro so deceitful!" Truth. Wickwire "Have you been follow ing Tiuunius'a career lately? Ho bus written several short articles full of promise." Mudgc "So have I, but I haven't been able to pay any of them yet." Indianapolis Journal. Cumso "Why don't Mr. Gilgaland Miss Perkusie get married?" Cawker "Shyness on both sides." Cumso "How do you muke that out?" Cawker ".She is a shy little thing by nature und he is Bhy of cash." Detroit Free Press. "Are you sure these corsets are uu breukublci"' asked tha doubting cus tomer. "I have been wearing oue my self for a yeur," Maid the saleslady, "and it tiin't broke yet. Aud," she continued, blushiug, "I am euguged." Cincinnati Enquirer. Depurtuient Store Photographer (suavely, to sitter) "Now look pleas ant, please. " Van Prune (being photo graphed while waiting for his wife, tuiserubly) "I can't. My wife u downstairs attending your bargain sales of dress goods uud millinery." Puck.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers