ablican RATES Or ADVERTISINCi On. Bqusre, on. Inch, on. inwrtlon..! J 00 On. Kqinr., on. inch, one month . ., 811 On. r-quare. on. inch, three months, . B "0 On. Hiuiira, one Inch, on. y ear 10 ot Two Bquares, one year Ki un Quarter Column, on. year JM no Half Column, on. year. .V) (X) On. Column, on. year 100 00 Lezal advertisements ten cent, per line each insertion. Marriages and d.sth notion gratia. All bills for yearly advertisements collected quarterly Temporary advertisement must be paid in advanoa, Job work cash on delivery. c in Smearbaugh & Co.' Building ELM STREET, TIONF.STA, TA. -rm, . l.oo Ier Year' No subscriptions revived for a shorter i rind ihnn tnreo months. t ortespondenoe sollolte I from all parts of !' country. No notlo. will be taken of :i mytnoui oominunloulons. THE Fonr?T Forest Republican. VOL. XXIX. NO. 40. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAItCH 3, 1897. S1.00 PER ANNUM. 1 '(hough the tendency of money Is "J ward nil, over tbe world, it is 1 i caper in New York than anywhere Mortgages on city property in New York State amoniited to'l980 million Ocllnrs whrn the last Government ivus compiled" ; Massachusetts : " I 415 and Illinois 114 millions. 6 of the best-known South Afri 1:1 millionaires has frankly told his lends that ho bus no intention, of 11 marrying, bootuse ho knows he is tbnt no pirl wonld wish to it : rr, rsci . pt for money. A Gorman naturalist has curiously I'tvelopod the "soareerow" idea, i The dragon fly ir a deadly enomy of tbo mosquito, nnd the naturalist bag found by tsiany experimenta that the dried bodies of a few dmgon flic suspended by threads around a bed keep the mos quitoes at a distance. The Heientifl.0 . American suggests that on January 1, 1100, now division of the year into thirteen months be instituted, the 11 rut twelve month to have twanty-oiglil days nud the new month twcuty-nfpo days, and thirty in leap ' year, an I many calculations would bo simplified. Fourteen centenarians died in Great Britain last year, of whom eleven were if tho gentle, tnlkative sox, showing that loqutcity promotes 'longevity, and that however it nriy bo with tbo new woiiiau iu that country, the old one holds ber owu, giving Father Time a harder tussle than he gets in tussle with his otto sex. The Scoretary of State for India has made ibis strong statement: "The Government of India oaunot but aa knowlege the groat obligation nnder u Uieh it is laid by the benevolent ex n lions made by missionaries, whose blameless examplo and solf-denyiug labors are infusing new vigor into the Moreotypod life . of the great populft tiuu placed undor English rale." 'n cril of a large laboring popsila 'i,h parses backhand forth from t is this country and which i : 1 u 1 out of Canada hasbeoome i 11 nous maintains the. New York ,.- . 1. This reinigration f egan thirty years ayo in the Scotch building trades, whose members by the hundred HorUed in New York in the summer n:l in Scotland in the winter. It ex- u.led to other trades and other ooun 1 ries. A, very largo number of per- 'oijs, numbering at least 500,000, ,,ovo back aud forth across the Atian 111, earning'our high wages and enjoy iiic; European cheap living. At De rait aud other points on our Canadian 'lorder the Bame praotioe exists in :laily remigration. Tho new immigra tion law will pat a stop to this and it will greatly improve the intelligence tf our immigrant population. T" - - 2 The most expensive book that was svor published in the world is the o.li ;ial history ot the Civil War, which is now issued by the Government of the' I'nited States at a oost np to date of ?,T!t,3iK. Of this amount $1,181,- Imh been paid for printing and i i'l.liiig, The remainder was eX- .. vi led for salaries, rent, stationery, iuJ other contingent and misoellane Dti 8 expenses, and for the purchase of records from private individuals. It will require at least three years longer iu au appropriation of perhaps $000, 1 000 to complete the work, so that the total oost will undoubtedly reaoh P.000,000. It will consist of 112 yolunies, inoluding au index and an itlas, which oontains 178 plates and 'jjiibu, illustrating the important bat tles of the war, campaigns, loates ot 'iiuroh, plans of fort and photographs iuteresting soenos, plaoes, and per ions. Most of these pictures are taken 'rom photograph! made by the lateM. f$. Brady of Washington. Several years ago the Government purchased iiis etook of negatives. Each volume ill, therefore, . oost an average of about $28,785, whiob probably exceeds the oost of any book of the kind that was ever issued. Copies are sent free to publio libraries, and 1,347,000 have ii,ou so distributed. The atlas oost ll'l. The remainder of the edition is old at prices ranging from fifty cents to ninety eents per volume. But there Joes not seem to be a large popular lemand, for only 71,191 oopies have been sold, for a total of $00,154. The books oau be obtained by addressing the Secretary of The material used in the prcpMttion of those his tories is taken from both the Federal nnil Confederate archives, aud is purely official. The reports of ooru mianJers of armies, corps, biigades. regiment, etc., arc carefully edited and arranged bo as to give a oouseou tive uecor.uts of all engagements with as iitj duplication uu l uuueoobbury material as pobbiuie. HELP THAT COMES TOO LATE. 'TIs a wearisome world, this world of ours, With Its taii(?lec sirmll ' lis weeds that smitthm" ,a t.iriui; flowers, And Its haploin strirns with into; And the darlmst'day of its dosolato days (3o the heljXbiit oom-M too Into. Ah! woo for the word that Is never said TIM h our s loo d'-af to boar, And woe foihe Inok of the fainting hoad 1.1 1 . yji iiinriBgiuB snout 01 oneor: Ah! won for the larg ird foot that tread In tho mournful waks of tho bier. What bnoteth help when the heart is r.umb? wnai oootuta a broken spar Of love thrown out when the 11ns are dumb And life's bark drlftelh far. Obi far nnd fast from the alien past. Over the moaning bar? A pitiful thing the Rift to-day That Is dross and nothing worth. Though If It had come but yesterday, It bad brimmed with sweet the earth A fading rosnln a deith-oold hand, That porishod In want and dearth. Who fain would bolp Inthifyrorld of ours, nuoro sorrowiui stops must lallr Orlng help In time to tho waning powers bre the blor is spread with the p-.ill, Nor send reserves when the flags re furled, And Ibe dead beyond your call. For baming most In this weary world, With Hi tangles small and great, . Its lonesome night and Its weary days, And It? struggle forlorn with fate, (s that bitterest grief, too deep for toars. Of the help that coiaes too late. Margaret E. Bangster. A. ROMANCE OF . TWO CONTINENTS. LOST nr.LATIVES. Advorllsoments under this head will h lusorioa at tu. rnr.e 01 j. a lino. MorXIEfWON. OEOUOE.-A liberal re. Ward will be paid to nnv norsou who will furnish Information relallnir to tlm nrmant Whereabouts of George McPherson. who ( supposed to have loft Kugland la 187v. He is nonevou to nave gone to oitlier Australia or South Afrion. Tho missing man will learn something to bis advantage by communica ting wiin jonn jmnton, Trafalgar Buildings, Charing Cross. London. Muii3, au.nish. One hundred pounds will be paid for Information whlah will liu-.rl lo the disoovery of tlia prnsout whereabouts of Agnes M irtlu. The young woman, prior to lier ulsapparance from Knslaud la 1873, .1" tw Kunnu i'v unr nnt name ot lua Morton. Address Johu Jtenton, Trafalgar BulldlDgs, Charing Cross,, LmiiUou. Lloyd's Weekly. Dknvbr, Col., U. 8. A., July 10, 1890. ( Dear. Sib: Chance led me a few days ago to piok up a copy of Lloyd's London Weekly.' Tho date of the paper was a little more than a year old. As I glanced through its col-en- nmna 1 saw the notioes which olose herewith. I am in possession of several impor tant facta relating to oertain George MoPherson, who is doubtless the per son referred to in your advertisement. Those I will communioate to von without expectation of reward. With regard to the woman, Agues Martin, whom yon mention as having disap peared in 1879 tho year in which Mo I'herson left England I cannot speak with authority. I have in mind a woman, however, who may have been the one yon seek, bnt her name, ante cedents and present whereabouts are alike nnkcown to me. The facts concerning George Mo Pherson, which are at my disposal, are scarcely likely to afford you satis faction, and as they are assoo;ated)with the darkest period of my life, 1 etate them with a most pronounced feeling of reluctance. I oannot bat feel, however, that a knowledge oi the cir cumstances of the case may be ot con siderable importance to you, and that I wonld be gnilty ot an aot ot injus tice if, fur personal reasons, I with held them. In order that what I have to say with' rogard to George MoPherson may be thoroughly un derstood, it will be neoessary for me to tell yon a little of my personal history. I was born in Now York, and early in life prepared to enter the medioal profession. After graduating from Harvard 1 attended a medioal college in New York City, bnt before I was admitted to praotioe I became in volved in an unfortunate love nftair, which resulted in my leaving homo to seek my fortune in Colorado. A few months later, after a continued run of hard lack, I made my way to Mon tana, where I entered the service of Samuel Freeborn, a prosperous ranch man. Despite his rongh exterior and gruff manners, rreeboru possessed many admirable qualities, and was exceed ingly popular with the men in bis em ploy. Most ot the latter were young fellows who had drifted as I had done from States east of the Mississippi. They were a good-natured lot aud free from many ot those belligerent qualities which are generally credited to the cowboys of the West. About ten miles distant from the dwelling ot Samuel Freeborn was the ranch ot Alonzo Marquand. For nearly two years prior to my arrival in Montana a feud had existed be tween these two men, aud it frequent ly happened that when their retaiuers met in the course cf the general rouud-np" considerable ill feeling had been displayed, though no blood had been shed. Freeborn had a daughter whose re markable beauty aud gentle manners were extolled by hardy men for mauy a wide league around. Despite her en vironment and luck ot opportunities for intellectual development, Mildred Freeborn was distinguished for her maidenly grace and numerous ac complishments. She was a capable musician, and possessed an exeellout voice. As a conversationalist she was vivacious aud well informed. She had a carefully seleot.ed library, which comprised several hundred volumes, and was an industrious student. It was well known that she bad long tried to prevail npon her father to permit her to visit the East, and that life on the plains was nnoongenial to ber. f reeborn, however, was lostn to rrt for even n little while from the one individual whom he found it pos sible to love, and repeatedly declined to permit her to leave him. Strange &s it mav seem, no one among her many admirers had had the temerity to eek ber hand. This may have been dua to the faot that a wholesome respect for tho cholerio temper of old Freeborn impelled them to keep their distance, bnt it was more probablo that tho spirit of revoienoe with which tho fair Mildred nsually in spired members of the opposite sex bade thorn recognize their own un worthiness. At the time that I entered Free born's service the fond between Free born and Marquand was at its height. Marquand was a man of middle age and questionable practices. ,Year by year bis onoe large fortune had grown smaller and smaller, and he was now striving desperately to regain all he had lost. He was an inveterate gam bler, and his ranch hense was the re sort of half the gamesters in the county. Among the men in his em ploy were several Englishmen who, it was said, had certain dork pages in the history of their lives which it was to their best interests to conoeal. They were not without future prospeots, however, and night after night, when not engaged with the herds, they were to- be fonnd sitting . around "Lon" Marquand's gaming table. I had been on Froeborn's ranoh abont three months when the time arrived for a round-up. A new cause of dispute had lately arisen between Freeborn and 'Murquand, and I had been told to look for trouble. One night, whilo I was sitting alone before our camp fire, awaiting the re- tarn of my companions, I fell to thinking of Mildred Freeborn. Since I had first met her she bad interested me creatlv. She had taken to me kindly, and often while 1 had been sitting with the men in the dining room of the ranch hsuse she had sent Nettie, her servant, to me with the reqnest that I should visit her in her little library. Aitnougu i was con vinced that 1 oocupieu a nign place in her esteem, 1 was far from deceiving mvsolf with the thought that I hail inspired her with anytning more tnan a mere friendly regard. I wag still under the influence of a former love affair, and thoauh I admired and re spected her I had felt no inclination to Oder myself as a suitor. I had found her an interesting study, however. In the course of oar frequent conversations I had observed that she was dominated by a spirit ot passionate unrest. The life she led on the plains had become irksome to her, She craved the social glamour and ex citements of cities, which she had known only in the books the read, had lived in the unknown country and was familiar with its customs and its sights. When she sought my company it was onlv that sue mignc near oe scribed those things Bho so fondly honed one day to see. There were times wuen 1 grew weary of her Questioning, but her thirst for information was insatiate and she held me to my task. During the iast lew clays, However, her oondtiot had undergone a chaniro. She had become more petulent in her manner, and now seemed as desirous of avoiding my society as she had formerly been anxious to sees: it. As I lay beside the blazing sticks, striving to find some reason for her altered de meanor. my reverie was suddenly in terrupted by the arrival 01 lorn nx let, one of the cowboys wuo naa oeen branding oattla during the afternoon, "Wal, Dick," he drawled, as he seated himself carelessly beside me on the eronnd, "how's that thar coffee oomin on? I'm all-fired hungry, an' thar's lot o' hard work ahead fer ns all tonight." "What's np anything upeoialV" I aBked. "Nope. I reckon thar's nothin' what yer might call speoial, exactly," he said slowly. "Still, a fellow never knows what's liable to happen when these here Marquand boys is 'round." He paused, aud as I glanoed toward hi in I saw an expression of gravity steal slowly over his rugged features, "Confound their blasted hides, any how 1" he exclaimed impatiently. "I'm afeerd ono ot the peskv lot is brewin' a peck o' trouble fer our old man this night. Wimmeu's a iunny lot dog gone 'em all, I say au nil bear more w fitch in an children will. "What havo women got to do with it. Tom?" I asked, in surprise. "A reg'lar howdv-do, that's what, as you'll find out afore this round-up's done. 1 reckon, retorted 10m, a is crustedlv. "Surely you don't mean" I began - "Kin yor keep a seoret if I tell it ter ver? be demandoJ, as ue eyea me curiously. I looked at him questioning! y. "Kin yer?" "Yes." "Wal, then, just keep yer eyes peeled fer trouble agin the suu goes down termorrer night. That gal o' Freeborn's is a likely one, but fer all that she's prSparin' to take the bit atween them glis'neu teeth o' hern au' bolt her daddy 'a trail. One o' them Marquand boys au Euglish lad named MoPherson has been shines on her fer qnite a spell. Of course, her old man wouldn't havo him 'rouud the place, but somehow or another they contrive to meet puity often, as if thar ain't a game of skip put up be tween 'am whilo the old man's olf on the round up, my uuiue ain't Tom Bax ter." "Doesn't the old man suspeot?" "If he did d'ye think bo'd be out hert ? Nope ; ho doesn't know a word. Yer see, none of the fellers want to tell him of it on Hits Millie's account. 1 reckon, though he ought to know. Still, it aint.no business of mine except" He paused, and a deep flush suffused his features. "Wal, yer see, I was spoons on Net tie a bit axo. But when I discovered that some job had been on atwixt Mo Pherson an' Net, an' that she thought more o' Morherson than she did o' me, I lassoed my feelin's an' kept 'em from rnnnin wilt. I never knew quite just what was on between them two. Morherson had been at Marquand's fer a month or so, when Nettie come along and asked the old man if he needed wimmin help abont the plooe. She was sort o' ran down at the heel, an said she had no friends, so the old man took her in. Mies Millie took a sort o' fancy to her, an' she's been workin' np at Freeborn's over sinoe. One night, while 1 was spoons on Net, I seed her leave the house, an' foller the path to the little paatnr' lot. Thar' I seo MoPherson waitin. When Net come np to where he stood he cussed her an' told her to be off.' She didn't go, but dallied around him for a while, a trym' to hug him, an' tellin' all the things she had given up fer him. llo answered her sort o gruff like, an then tamed away an' loft her. Net went back to the house, and bimeby I see Miss Millie go out doors an' ran down to tbe pastur' jest as Net had done. ' Thar' stood MoPherson ag'n, nn' they walked np an' dawn the prairie for nigh a hull hour in the moonlight. Wal', sinoe then" Hore Tom paused, for we had both marked the approach of Freeborn. The old man surveyed us kindly. Then he advanced and laid his hand on my shoulder. Dick, my lad, yer wont be inuoh nse ont hero to-night, fer yer look clean taokered out already. I want ter send a message ter my Millie. She'll be worryin' abont me a bit, I reckon, an' it'll make bar mind easy Will yer take it?" "Certainly, I replied. "Yer ain't got no paper, hov yer?" "No, but I will remember what yoa tell me. The old man hesitated and looked thoughtfully into the fire. "Tell her," he bogan, slowly, "tell her, 'Dear Millie. Got that, now. "Yes, I replied with a smile that was unuerceived. " 'Dear Millie, the oows hev been a calvin' fine. Marquand tried to swipe a lot, bat it wa'n't no go. I'm feeliu' fine. From your lovm' dad.' " I repeated the messago to his entire satisfaction. That's all right, my lad, and now be off, "But, wait a minute He paneed ana toon a brand new silver dollar from his, pookot and put it to his lips. "Here I Tell Millie 1 kissed it twice where the woman is. She'll know whatlmeau." I tnrned away, and, after seleoting a fresn pony, roue on toward the ranoh. It was a beautiful moonlight night. and as I apod along the trail the words of the simple message still sounded in my ears, but as my heart warmed to ward the affectionate father I began to feel certain misgivings concerning my reception by his daughter at the ranoh. Tom Baxter's warning was still fresh in my mind, and something within me told me I would be too late to avert an impending calamity. I thrust my spur furthor into tho side ot my pony, and hastened faster on my way. At length the moonlight enabled ue to discover, about a mile distant, the group of buiWings on Freeborn's ranch. Onoe more I urged my weary animal to a fresh bnrst of speed and was rapidly nearing my destination when I heard tho hoof-beats of ap proaching horses. Peering searohingly in front of me I saw two riders a man and a woman. No sooner had I made the disoovery, however, than I was conscious of the fast that I, too, was peroeived and that it was the intention of the riders to avoid me. They turned abruptly toH the right and started eastward aoros the uubroken prairie ground. In a moment I was after them. That the horsewoman before me was no other than Mildred Freeborn I was assured. She was mounted on a fleet Kentuoky thoroughbred that had been the gift of her father. Her com panion, who was nnknown to me, was monuted on a Texas pony. Both ani mals were fresh, and 1 was on the point of abandoning tbe chase as hope less when 1 peroeived that a difference had arisen between Mildred and her ooinpanion. The young woman seemed disposed to draw rein and await my approaon, while her companion ap peared, by his gesture;, to nrge her to greater haste. Hor woman's will at length prevailed, however, and, as I drew more near tbey stopped their horses and turned the heads of the animals in my direotion. Upon arriving at the spot where they awaited me, I reined in my ex hausted horse aud raised my hat. The salutation was acknowledged by the pale-faoed girl to whom it was ad dressed, but as I observed her closely I saw that she hung her head. "Miss Mildred, I am the bearer of a message from your father," I said coldly. "Will you reoeive it here?" She nodded, and leaping from my horse I walked toward her and paused beside her stirrups. Then I repeated the simple message that her father had bade me deliver and placed tbe silver dollar iu her hand. When I finished I retreated a step or two aud watched her expectantly. In a few moments I saw the tears trickling swiftly down her cheeks. Then she suddenly swayed in her sad dle, and would havo fallen had I not assisted her to dismouut. Upon seeing the young woman in my arms her companion, who had been regarding me with vindictive eyes, thruot his spurs against his horse's rules and started toward me with a curse. "Be oft', or I'll fire 1" he cried, as his hand olosed npon tho revolver in bis belt. Without making a reply. I strove to disengage myself from the arms of the woman who was now hysterically sob bing on ray breast. Before I was able to free myself, however, bis weapon was levelled at my head. I now per oeived that 'any attempt to offer resist ance wonld be futile. Resigning my self to the inevitable, therefore, I plaoed my arms around the repentant girl, and, looking her would-be de ceiver fairly in the face, I awaited my fate. For several moments we remained tbns, and I saw the eyes and brow of the Englishman grow gradually darker and darker. "Take it, then," he hissod. My brain reeled, a sickening sensa tion of despair pervaded my body, and my limbs trembled beneath me. There was a loud report, bnt no flame burst forth from the pistol bar rel that had threatened me. MoPher son's weapon foil from his hand. He reeled in his saddle and his horse took fright. With a snort ot alarm the pony plunged madly forward and made oil, dragging its rider beside it on the ground Dazed and bewildered, I marked its flight, and as I looked I saw a womau standing a few paoes distant. She, too, gazed for a few moments after the disappearing steed; then she threw her arm across her faoe and staggered toward a pony that was standing near. This she mounted with difficulty, and before I had recovered from my be wilderment she was gone. I assisted Mildred to the house, and then went in search of Nettie, her maid. Her room was empty, nor did I ever see or hear of her again. On the following day the body of George MoPherson was found on the shore of a small lake about two miles away. It was buriad without cere mony a few hours later nenr the spot where it was discovered. This is tho extent of my knowledge of tho nnfortnnato man whom yon have sought. I was told by Mildred, who is now my wife, that he repre sented himself as being the heir to a valuable English estate. We seldom speak of him now, and my wife knows little more of his antecedents than I do. Begretting that it has fallen to me to communicate to yoa the melan choly particulars herein set forth, I remain, respectfully yours, ' BlCHARD HaRCODBT, M. D. New York Journal. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. No bird oan fly backward without taming. The dragon fly can acaom plish this feat, however, and outstrip any swallow. Within the last fifty years the rate of speed of ooean steamers has trebled and the usual liorso power increased from 700 to 10,000. The difficulty of registering the tem perature of the bottom of the ocean is due to the faot that at a great depth the thermometers are crushed by the pressure. In anew French method thin niokel tubes are made by depositing nickel eleotrolytioally on a matrix of fusible metal, then melting out tbe latter by immersion in a bath ot boili ng oil. It has been reoently established that the fusel, etc., in raw spirits oan be removed by the introduction ot a current of pure oxygen. The flavor ot the spirit is not only improved, but its physiological action is maoh amelio rated. A new bottle is blown with a solid neok, tbe opening being in the bottom of the bottle, through which it oan be filled, but from whiob no liquid oan be drawn, it being nenessary to break the neok to remove the contents of the bottle. The nearest approach of Mars to the sun is 129,500,000 miles; his mean distance, 141,500,000 ; his greatest distano , 154,500,000. Oar mean distanoe from the sun is abont ninety, three million miles. The nearest ap proach of the two planets to each other is 35,500,000 miles. The eleotrio fnrnaco is now being used at Chariottenburg, Germany, lor tbe production 01 ammonia and nitrides. The nitride result from exposing oxygen compounds of such elements as silioon, boron, magnesium, titanium and vanadium to tbe heat of a high tension ourrent.in the presenoe of free nitrogen and carbon. Treat ment of the nitrides with steam gives ammonia and an oxide from whiob. a nitride may be re-formed as before. The Walraud LegeniBel steel prooess. which has boen adapted by quite a number of Europoan firms and by one American establishment, is said to differ from the ordinary Bessemer process iu the addition of ferro silioon to the metal iu the oonverter at the lima of flame drop, and by an after blow burning the silicon to a solid slag instead of carbon to a gas. As the melted metal is usually fluid, it is especially suitable for steel castings, which are made solid and true to pattern. Where the Quakes Come From, The greatest dopth at which earth quakes are known to originate is about thirty miles. It has alto been calcu lated that a heat sumoieut to melt granite might occur at abont the same debt. Jliflcrciiie lu Hands, It is a strange fact that the right hand, which is more sensible to the touch tbau the left, is less sensible tbau the latter to tbe eiloct of heat or oold. Boston Budget. The temperate man's pleasures are durable because they are regular, aud all his life is calm aud serene because it is innocent. There are from eight to ten species of silkworms in, tlm country. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIKS THAT ARE TOLD BT THI rUHNT MEN OF THE PRESS. A Kail A Serious OHenre Pining Crushing II 1m Satisfied Onlj One to Uo Hound. ICtc, Etc. I had a friend whose words were wiso, Whose dwids were always gr.iad, And who. It seemed to me, had been Foraomegre.it purpose pliinued. , But, on a d-iy he fell in love, Whereat his wisdom fled Alas for Ml the foolish things That tben bo did aud said' Cleveland Leader. WN1NG. Lawyer -"But my business is im portant. Why can't I seo tbe judge?" Servant "His honor is at steak." Life. A HERIOIH OFFEXCB. Magistrate "What is the charge against this man ?" Onioer vMoOobb "Profcuity, sor. He said the police foorje was a gang of slobs." Baltimore News. ONLY OSS TO OO ltOOXP. "If this turkey were alive I'm afraid he'd be very vain," sail the star boarder. "Why?" inquired tbo slow payer. "He's made so much of." Puck. CRtismso HIM. Ho "I suppose that eaphsaJod dudo has proposed to you a dozon times?" She "No ; once was enough. Come and see us when we get settled." Detroit Free Press. ' FUTILB ATTEMPT. "Who was your friend?" asked the living skeleton, as tho seedy agent passed ont. "Old schoolmate," said the legless song and dance man. "Ho tried to pull my arm for a V." Iudiauapolis Journal. nE KEPT OOt'NT. ' At Supper: Tommy's Mother "Won't you have another bisoait?" The Favored Guest "Thank yoa. I really don't know how many I've had already." Tommy (obviously) "Idol You'vo had six." SATIHFIKD. Terry Patetio "They say a man enjoys restin' a whole lot better after a good, hard day's work." Wayworn Watson "vVeil, fer all I know, it may be so; but I ain't round tryin' any dangerous experiments." Cincinnati Enquirer. APTGR THE COLL ROE VACATION. Eather latthe station) "Good-byo, oldfellow, and let us tear trom you occasionally when you don't want money." Freshman "All right, father. But let's understand caoh other. When I write to you and don't mention money, you'll nnderstaud that I'm hard up." -Life. THAT CONFIDENT Atn. "He's a very enterprising young man," romarked tbe orderly gentle man; "very pushing aud alert. He belongs to tbe rising generation." "I shouldn't have dreamed it," re plied Miss Cayenne. "Indeed?" "No. F-om his manners I should not have hesitated about concluding that the riaiug generation belonged o him." Washington Star. A SCHOLARLY INFERENCE. "What," inquired tbe professor, "is the lesson oouveyed by the asoortion that 'Seven cities claimed the Homer dead, through whiob the liviug Homer begged bis bread?'' And tho young man with his hair plastered over his temples, replied, after protracted thought : "It shows conclusively Iho dime museum is an institution of great an tiquity." Wushiugtou Star. Una ItKOOHU. "Might 1 ask," said the lady from South America, "why that plain per son on tbe far side of tho room arro gates uiito herself so in iny airs?" "yhe is a Daughter of tuu Involu tion," said tbe one interrogated iu awed tones. "Her ancestors fought in tbe Kevolntiou." "Ub," said tbo lady from South America. "1 myself am a daughter ot seventeen of thoui." Iudiauapolis lournal. NOT THU WORD. The industrious man had beeu try ing his best to work while a piano organ on tbe street poured forth its dulcet monotonies. Tbe frieud with an ear for music came in, and, after a pause, exclaimed: "Dear me I That iuiisio seoms very familiar." "Familiar I" was the response. "By J-ove, sir, that isn't the word for it. It's confoundedly impertinent." Washington Star. COill'KEnF.NSIVB. He is a man with a good deal ot pride, aud when his Iriends jeered at his dog ho reeeuted it. "That's ouo of the fiuest dogs in tho country," he exclaimed. "1 suppose you'd admire him it he were u fit. Bernard?" "Certainly." "Or a niHstill?" "Yes." "Or a pointer?" "Of course." "Or a Newfouu.lLyud?" "Yes." "Well, tbeu, you eot 'SU' make fuu of him as he is. He's all of 'tux." A ROUNDEL OF BEST. If rest Is sweet at shut of day For tired hand and tired feet, How sweet at last to rent for aye. If rest Is sweet! We work or work not through tne heat j Doath bids us soon our labors lay la lands where night and twilight meet When the last dawns nr. fallen on gray, And all life's toils and ease complete, 'hoy know who work, nor tbey who play If rest is sweet. Arthur Syonous. HU.UOH OF THE DAY flhe's Inoonsistent, so we gut A lauh at her expense: For when hor shoes am much too small You find nor sighs Imratmso. Judge. "The pun," said so .e one to Henry Erskine, an incurablf at the practice, "is the lowest of all forms of wit." "And, therefore, the foundation of it all." Breathless Hunter "I say, boy, did yoa see a rabbit run by here?" Boy "Yes, sir." Hunter "How long jlgo?" Boy "I think it'll bo throe yoarsTiext Christmas." Tit-Bits. fc. iJ is uermiuiy wou.iernu now union Boienoe'can do for ns." "Yes; Mr. Frontrow has learned to hypnotize her baby, and she didn't miss u club mooting the whole week." Cleveland Record. Mrs. Watts "Isn't it n good deal of annoyance to get your meals nt such irregular hours?" Hungry Higgins "The irregular hoars ain't so bad as the irregular days." Iudiauapolis Journal. , Oumso "Tho managers of the elo vated are really making effort to ac commodate their patrons." Oawkcr "Are tbey?" "Yes. I counted forty six new straps iu one car this morn ing." Life. "Are you feeling bettor this morn ing?" asked Mr. Propriety. "In some ways 1 am and in some ways I'm not." answered Bobsly. "Then I sincerely congratulate yon and condole with you, Mrs. Bobsly. Good morning." De troit Free Press. Faddy "I wonder that the Spel tons do not get along better than tbey do. Everybody nsod to say they were made for ono auother." Duddy "H'ml Sol Well, that's partly trno. I know she made for him the first time she saw him." Boston Transcript. "It has come at last," sobbed the lovely bride ot a month;" the first quarrel." "What, with your hus band?" inquired her pitying friend. "N no," sho faltered, lifting her tear-steeped eyes ; "much worse with tho 000k I" New Orleaus Timos Demcorat. The Living Skeleton "I guess here is the contortionist you were wanting right hore in tbe want column." The Manager "What does it say?' Tho Living Skeleton "Wanted Employ ment by a young man able and willing to take any kind of position." Indi anapolis Journal. A commanding officer, addressing his men at the conclusion of the late Asbauti expedition, expressed his dis appointment that tbey had had no chance of a fight. "But," added he and he is not an Irishman "had thcro been fighting, thero would have been many absent faces here to-day." Household Words. "George," she said, in a low voice, "would you make a great saoriiloe for my happiness?" "Certainly," he re plied. "Would you give up smoking for my sake?" "Give np smoking for yonr sake," ho repeated. Then after a silence, he exclaimed hoarsely, "I oan refuse you nothing, I will give np smoking for your sake. Hereafter when I smoke it will be for my own sake." Tit-Bits. No Bight to Complain "Do yoa set this pair of trousers you made for me only six weeks ago?" "Yes, sir. Any thing wrong with them?" "Nothing, exoept that they are all worn and razzled at tbe bottoms of the logs and are shiny all over. That's all." "My dear sir, I don't think you ought to kick. The fashion iu trousers has changed twioe since you had those made." Chicago Tribune. Struck by Meteors. Somebody has said it is rather car ious that in view of tlio number of meteorites that fall to the earth every year no ono has evor boeu killed or hurt by one. This is a niisUko. In the year 610 a uiotcorij stono fell iu China, shattering U'curt and killing ten men. It may be asserted that thtt population of the Mongolian empire is to dense that it would be difUmilt to miss a Cbiuese. But other countries have known similar accidents. About the close of the seventeenth ooutury a Captain Willmaun reported that two of his sailors were killed at sea by the full of a niue-wouud meteorite. Not long after this a monk was killed near Milan iu tbe same way, whilo a uioteor which fell near New Concord iu 1 btiO broke a railroad tie in two. tlnsp'i'.'s Madu uf Paper. Paper is now being used for nnder' ground gits pipes iu England. The material is t'elliiloiis ppsr soaked iu aiphalt. The pipes are sui.l to bo im permeable to water aud air, capable ot resisting heavy pressure, not sub ject to the ordinary causes of detort orution, nud uu. atleolo.l by tbe action of electric currents. Paper collar are used for the joints. Lung Drawn Out Cases. A bankruptcy which ooourred iu 1S11 hits just beeu wound up iu the .London registrar's 0 urt by u paymeut th.it briugs tho lot il dividcu Is up to ouo tvut on the dollar. A recent liiulirupt at about the umu time uttered to sell Id at tbo rato of ouo-tftoiity-stveuth of u penuy iu the pouu I, or sevou teutbi of a cent to a dollar. m
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers