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THE Fonr?T
Forest Republican.
VOL. XXIX. NO. 40. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAItCH 3, 1897. S1.00 PER ANNUM.
1 '(hough the tendency of money Is
"J ward nil, over tbe world, it is
1 i caper in New York than anywhere
Mortgages on city property in New
York State amoniited to'l980 million
Ocllnrs whrn the last Government
ivus compiled" ; Massachusetts
: " I 415 and Illinois 114 millions.
6 of the best-known South Afri
1:1 millionaires has frankly told his
lends that ho bus no intention, of
11 marrying, bootuse ho knows he is
tbnt no pirl wonld wish to
it : rr, rsci . pt for money.
A Gorman naturalist has curiously
I'tvelopod the "soareerow" idea, i The
dragon fly ir a deadly enomy of tbo
mosquito, nnd the naturalist bag found
by tsiany experimenta that the dried
bodies of a few dmgon flic suspended
by threads around a bed keep the mos
quitoes at a distance.
The Heientifl.0 . American suggests
that on January 1, 1100, now division
of the year into thirteen months be
instituted, the 11 rut twelve month to
have twanty-oiglil days nud the new
month twcuty-nfpo days, and thirty in
leap ' year, an I many calculations
would bo simplified.
Fourteen centenarians died in Great
Britain last year, of whom eleven were
if tho gentle, tnlkative sox, showing
that loqutcity promotes 'longevity,
and that however it nriy bo with tbo
new woiiiau iu that country, the old
one holds ber owu, giving Father
Time a harder tussle than he gets in
tussle with his otto sex.
The Scoretary of State for India has
made ibis strong statement: "The
Government of India oaunot but aa
knowlege the groat obligation nnder
u Uieh it is laid by the benevolent ex
n lions made by missionaries, whose
blameless examplo and solf-denyiug
labors are infusing new vigor into the
Moreotypod life . of the great populft
tiuu placed undor English rale."
'n cril of a large laboring popsila
'i,h parses backhand forth from
t is this country and which
i : 1 u 1 out of Canada hasbeoome
i 11 nous maintains the. New York
,.- . 1. This reinigration f egan thirty
years ayo in the Scotch building
trades, whose members by the hundred
HorUed in New York in the summer
n:l in Scotland in the winter. It ex-
u.led to other trades and other ooun
1 ries. A, very largo number of per-
'oijs, numbering at least 500,000,
,,ovo back aud forth across the Atian
111, earning'our high wages and enjoy
iiic; European cheap living. At De
rait aud other points on our Canadian
'lorder the Bame praotioe exists in
:laily remigration. Tho new immigra
tion law will pat a stop to this and it
will greatly improve the intelligence
tf our immigrant population.
T" - - 2
The most expensive book that was
svor published in the world is the o.li
;ial history ot the Civil War, which is
now issued by the Government of the'
I'nited States at a oost np to date of
?,T!t,3iK. Of this amount $1,181,-
Imh been paid for printing and
i i'l.liiig, The remainder was eX-
.. vi led for salaries, rent, stationery,
iuJ other contingent and misoellane
Dti 8 expenses, and for the purchase of
records from private individuals. It
will require at least three years longer
iu au appropriation of perhaps $000, 1
000 to complete the work, so that the
total oost will undoubtedly reaoh
P.000,000. It will consist of 112
yolunies, inoluding au index and an
itlas, which oontains 178 plates and
'jjiibu, illustrating the important bat
tles of the war, campaigns, loates ot
'iiuroh, plans of fort and photographs
iuteresting soenos, plaoes, and per
ions. Most of these pictures are taken
'rom photograph! made by the lateM.
f$. Brady of Washington. Several
years ago the Government purchased
iiis etook of negatives. Each volume
ill, therefore, . oost an average of
about $28,785, whiob probably exceeds
the oost of any book of the kind that
was ever issued. Copies are sent free
to publio libraries, and 1,347,000 have
ii,ou so distributed. The atlas oost
ll'l. The remainder of the edition is
old at prices ranging from fifty cents
to ninety eents per volume. But there
Joes not seem to be a large popular
lemand, for only 71,191 oopies have
been sold, for a total of $00,154. The
books oau be obtained by addressing
the Secretary of The material
used in the prcpMttion of those his
tories is taken from both the Federal
nnil Confederate archives, aud is
purely official. The reports of ooru
mianJers of armies, corps, biigades.
regiment, etc., arc carefully edited
and arranged bo as to give a oouseou
tive uecor.uts of all engagements with
as iitj duplication uu l uuueoobbury
material as pobbiuie.
HELP THAT COMES TOO LATE.
'TIs a wearisome world, this world of ours,
With Its taii(?lec sirmll '
lis weeds that smitthm" ,a t.iriui; flowers,
And Its haploin strirns with into;
And the darlmst'day of its dosolato days
(3o the heljXbiit oom-M too Into.
Ah! woo for the word that Is never said
TIM h our s loo d'-af to boar,
And woe foihe Inok of the fainting hoad
1.1 1 .
yji iiinriBgiuB snout 01 oneor:
Ah! won for the larg ird foot that tread
In tho mournful waks of tho bier.
What bnoteth help when the heart is r.umb?
wnai oootuta a broken spar
Of love thrown out when the 11ns are dumb
And life's bark drlftelh far.
Obi far nnd fast from the alien past.
Over the moaning bar?
A pitiful thing the Rift to-day
That Is dross and nothing worth.
Though If It had come but yesterday,
It bad brimmed with sweet the earth
A fading rosnln a deith-oold hand,
That porishod In want and dearth.
Who fain would bolp Inthifyrorld of ours,
nuoro sorrowiui stops must lallr
Orlng help In time to tho waning powers
bre the blor is spread with the p-.ill,
Nor send reserves when the flags re furled,
And Ibe dead beyond your call.
For baming most In this weary world,
With Hi tangles small and great, .
Its lonesome night and Its weary days,
And It? struggle forlorn with fate,
(s that bitterest grief, too deep for toars.
Of the help that coiaes too late.
Margaret E. Bangster.
A. ROMANCE OF
. TWO CONTINENTS.
LOST nr.LATIVES.
Advorllsoments under this head will h
lusorioa at tu. rnr.e 01 j. a lino.
MorXIEfWON. OEOUOE.-A liberal re.
Ward will be paid to nnv norsou who will
furnish Information relallnir to tlm nrmant
Whereabouts of George McPherson. who (
supposed to have loft Kugland la 187v. He
is nonevou to nave gone to oitlier Australia
or South Afrion. Tho missing man will learn
something to bis advantage by communica
ting wiin jonn jmnton, Trafalgar Buildings,
Charing Cross. London.
Muii3, au.nish. One hundred pounds
will be paid for Information whlah will liu-.rl
lo the disoovery of tlia prnsout whereabouts
of Agnes M irtlu. The young woman, prior
to lier ulsapparance from Knslaud la 1873,
.1" tw Kunnu i'v unr nnt name ot lua
Morton. Address Johu Jtenton, Trafalgar
BulldlDgs, Charing Cross,, LmiiUou. Lloyd's
Weekly.
Dknvbr, Col., U. 8. A.,
July 10, 1890. (
Dear. Sib: Chance led me a few
days ago to piok up a copy of Lloyd's
London Weekly.' Tho date of the
paper was a little more than a year
old. As I glanced through its
col-en-
nmna 1 saw the notioes which
olose herewith.
I am in possession of several impor
tant facta relating to oertain George
MoPherson, who is doubtless the per
son referred to in your advertisement.
Those I will communioate to von
without expectation of reward. With
regard to the woman, Agues Martin,
whom yon mention as having disap
peared in 1879 tho year in which Mo
I'herson left England I cannot speak
with authority. I have in mind a
woman, however, who may have been
the one yon seek, bnt her name, ante
cedents and present whereabouts are
alike nnkcown to me.
The facts concerning George Mo
Pherson, which are at my disposal,
are scarcely likely to afford you satis
faction, and as they are assoo;ated)with
the darkest period of my life, 1 etate
them with a most pronounced feeling
of reluctance. I oannot bat feel,
however, that a knowledge oi the cir
cumstances of the case may be ot con
siderable importance to you, and that
I wonld be gnilty ot an aot ot injus
tice if, fur personal reasons, I with
held them.
In order that what I have
to say with' rogard to George
MoPherson may be thoroughly un
derstood, it will be neoessary for
me to tell yon a little of my personal
history.
I was born in Now York, and early
in life prepared to enter the medioal
profession. After graduating from
Harvard 1 attended a medioal college
in New York City, bnt before I was
admitted to praotioe I became in
volved in an unfortunate love nftair,
which resulted in my leaving homo to
seek my fortune in Colorado. A few
months later, after a continued run of
hard lack, I made my way to Mon
tana, where I entered the service of
Samuel Freeborn, a prosperous ranch
man. Despite his rongh exterior and gruff
manners, rreeboru possessed many
admirable qualities, and was exceed
ingly popular with the men in bis em
ploy. Most ot the latter were young
fellows who had drifted as I had done
from States east of the Mississippi.
They were a good-natured lot aud
free from many ot those belligerent
qualities which are generally credited
to the cowboys of the West.
About ten miles distant from the
dwelling ot Samuel Freeborn was the
ranch ot Alonzo Marquand. For
nearly two years prior to my arrival
in Montana a feud had existed be
tween these two men, aud it frequent
ly happened that when their retaiuers
met in the course cf the general
rouud-np" considerable ill feeling
had been displayed, though no blood
had been shed.
Freeborn had a daughter whose re
markable beauty aud gentle manners
were extolled by hardy men for mauy
a wide league around. Despite her en
vironment and luck ot opportunities
for intellectual development, Mildred
Freeborn was distinguished for her
maidenly grace and numerous ac
complishments. She was a capable
musician, and possessed an exeellout
voice. As a conversationalist she was
vivacious aud well informed. She
had a carefully seleot.ed library, which
comprised several hundred volumes,
and was an industrious student. It
was well known that she bad long
tried to prevail npon her father to
permit her to visit the East, and that
life on the plains was nnoongenial to
ber. f reeborn, however, was lostn to
rrt for even n little while from the
one individual whom he found it pos
sible to love, and repeatedly declined
to permit her to leave him. Strange
&s it mav seem, no one among her
many admirers had had the temerity
to eek ber hand. This may have
been dua to the faot that a wholesome
respect for tho cholerio temper of old
Freeborn impelled them to keep their
distance, bnt it was more probablo
that tho spirit of revoienoe with
which tho fair Mildred nsually in
spired members of the opposite sex
bade thorn recognize their own un
worthiness. At the time that I entered Free
born's service the fond between Free
born and Marquand was at its height.
Marquand was a man of middle age
and questionable practices. ,Year by
year bis onoe large fortune had grown
smaller and smaller, and he was now
striving desperately to regain all he
had lost. He was an inveterate gam
bler, and his ranch hense was the re
sort of half the gamesters in the
county. Among the men in his em
ploy were several Englishmen who, it
was said, had certain dork pages in the
history of their lives which it was to
their best interests to conoeal. They
were not without future prospeots,
however, and night after night, when
not engaged with the herds, they were
to- be fonnd sitting . around "Lon"
Marquand's gaming table.
I had been on Froeborn's ranoh
abont three months when the time
arrived for a round-up. A new cause
of dispute had lately arisen between
Freeborn and 'Murquand, and I had
been told to look for trouble.
One night, whilo I was sitting alone
before our camp fire, awaiting the re-
tarn of my companions, I fell to
thinking of Mildred Freeborn. Since
I had first met her she bad interested
me creatlv. She had taken to me
kindly, and often while 1 had been
sitting with the men in the dining
room of the ranch hsuse she had sent
Nettie, her servant, to me with the
reqnest that I should visit her in her
little library. Aitnougu i was con
vinced that 1 oocupieu a nign place in
her esteem, 1 was far from deceiving
mvsolf with the thought that I hail
inspired her with anytning more tnan
a mere friendly regard. I wag still
under the influence of a former love
affair, and thoauh I admired and re
spected her I had felt no inclination
to Oder myself as a suitor.
I had found her an interesting
study, however. In the course of oar
frequent conversations I had observed
that she was dominated by a spirit ot
passionate unrest. The life she led on
the plains had become irksome to her,
She craved the social glamour and ex
citements of cities, which she had
known only in the books the read,
had lived in the unknown country and
was familiar with its customs and its
sights. When she sought my company
it was onlv that sue mignc near oe
scribed those things Bho so fondly
honed one day to see.
There were times wuen 1 grew weary
of her Questioning, but her thirst for
information was insatiate and she held
me to my task.
During the iast lew clays, However,
her oondtiot had undergone a chaniro.
She had become more petulent in her
manner, and now seemed as desirous
of avoiding my society as she had
formerly been anxious to sees: it. As
I lay beside the blazing sticks, striving
to find some reason for her altered de
meanor. my reverie was suddenly in
terrupted by the arrival 01 lorn nx
let, one of the cowboys wuo naa oeen
branding oattla during the afternoon,
"Wal, Dick," he drawled, as he
seated himself carelessly beside me on
the eronnd, "how's that thar coffee
oomin on? I'm all-fired hungry, an'
thar's lot o' hard work ahead fer ns all
tonight."
"What's np anything upeoialV" I
aBked.
"Nope. I reckon thar's nothin'
what yer might call speoial, exactly,"
he said slowly. "Still, a fellow never
knows what's liable to happen when
these here Marquand boys is 'round."
He paused, aud as I glanoed toward
hi in I saw an expression of gravity
steal slowly over his rugged features,
"Confound their blasted hides, any
how 1" he exclaimed impatiently. "I'm
afeerd ono ot the peskv lot is brewin'
a peck o' trouble fer our old man this
night. Wimmeu's a iunny lot dog
gone 'em all, I say au nil bear more
w fitch in an children will.
"What havo women got to do with
it. Tom?" I asked, in surprise.
"A reg'lar howdv-do, that's what,
as you'll find out afore this round-up's
done. 1 reckon, retorted 10m, a is
crustedlv.
"Surely you don't mean" I began
- "Kin yor keep a seoret if I tell it ter
ver? be demandoJ, as ue eyea me
curiously.
I looked at him questioning! y.
"Kin yer?"
"Yes."
"Wal, then, just keep yer eyes
peeled fer trouble agin the suu goes
down termorrer night. That gal o'
Freeborn's is a likely one, but fer all
that she's prSparin' to take the bit
atween them glis'neu teeth o' hern
au' bolt her daddy 'a trail. One o' them
Marquand boys au Euglish lad named
MoPherson has been shines on her
fer qnite a spell. Of course, her old
man wouldn't havo him 'rouud the
place, but somehow or another they
contrive to meet puity often, as if
thar ain't a game of skip put up be
tween 'am whilo the old man's olf on
the round up, my uuiue ain't Tom Bax
ter." "Doesn't the old man suspeot?"
"If he did d'ye think bo'd be out
hert ? Nope ; ho doesn't know a word.
Yer see, none of the fellers want to
tell him of it on Hits Millie's account.
1 reckon, though he ought to know.
Still, it aint.no business of mine except"
He paused, and a deep flush suffused
his features.
"Wal, yer see, I was spoons on Net
tie a bit axo. But when I discovered
that some job had been on atwixt Mo
Pherson an' Net, an' that she thought
more o' Morherson than she did o'
me, I lassoed my feelin's an' kept 'em
from rnnnin wilt. I never knew quite
just what was on between them two.
Morherson had been at Marquand's
fer a month or so, when Nettie come
along and asked the old man if he
needed wimmin help abont the plooe.
She was sort o' ran down at the heel,
an said she had no friends, so the old
man took her in. Mies Millie took a
sort o' fancy to her, an' she's been
workin' np at Freeborn's over sinoe.
One night, while 1 was spoons on
Net, I seed her leave the house, an'
foller the path to the little paatnr' lot.
Thar' I seo MoPherson waitin. When
Net come np to where he stood he
cussed her an' told her to be off.' She
didn't go, but dallied around him for
a while, a trym' to hug him, an' tellin'
all the things she had given up fer him.
llo answered her sort o gruff like, an
then tamed away an' loft her. Net
went back to the house, and bimeby I
see Miss Millie go out doors an' ran
down to tbe pastur' jest as Net had
done. ' Thar' stood MoPherson ag'n,
nn' they walked np an' dawn the
prairie for nigh a hull hour in the
moonlight. Wal', sinoe then"
Hore Tom paused, for we had both
marked the approach of Freeborn.
The old man surveyed us kindly.
Then he advanced and laid his hand
on my shoulder.
Dick, my lad, yer wont be inuoh
nse ont hero to-night, fer yer look
clean taokered out already. I want
ter send a message ter my Millie.
She'll be worryin' abont me a bit, I
reckon, an' it'll make bar mind easy
Will yer take it?"
"Certainly, I replied.
"Yer ain't got no paper, hov yer?"
"No, but I will remember what yoa
tell me.
The old man hesitated and looked
thoughtfully into the fire.
"Tell her," he bogan, slowly, "tell
her, 'Dear Millie. Got that, now.
"Yes, I replied with a smile that
was unuerceived.
" 'Dear Millie, the oows hev been a
calvin' fine. Marquand tried to swipe
a lot, bat it wa'n't no go. I'm feeliu'
fine. From your lovm' dad.' "
I repeated the messago to his entire
satisfaction.
That's all right, my lad, and now
be off, "But, wait a minute
He paneed ana toon a brand new
silver dollar from his, pookot and put
it to his lips.
"Here I Tell Millie 1 kissed it twice
where the woman is. She'll know
whatlmeau."
I tnrned away, and, after seleoting
a fresn pony, roue on toward the
ranoh.
It was a beautiful moonlight night.
and as I apod along the trail the words
of the simple message still sounded in
my ears, but as my heart warmed to
ward the affectionate father I began to
feel certain misgivings concerning my
reception by his daughter at the
ranoh. Tom Baxter's warning was
still fresh in my mind, and something
within me told me I would be too late
to avert an impending calamity. I
thrust my spur furthor into tho side
ot my pony, and hastened faster on
my way.
At length the moonlight enabled ue
to discover, about a mile distant, the
group of buiWings on Freeborn's
ranch. Onoe more I urged my weary
animal to a fresh bnrst of speed and
was rapidly nearing my destination
when I heard tho hoof-beats of ap
proaching horses. Peering searohingly
in front of me I saw two riders a man
and a woman.
No sooner had I made the disoovery,
however, than I was conscious of the
fast that I, too, was peroeived and that
it was the intention of the riders to
avoid me. They turned abruptly toH
the right and started eastward aoros
the uubroken prairie ground. In a
moment I was after them.
That the horsewoman before me was
no other than Mildred Freeborn I was
assured. She was mounted on a fleet
Kentuoky thoroughbred that had been
the gift of her father. Her com
panion, who was nnknown to me, was
monuted on a Texas pony. Both ani
mals were fresh, and 1 was on the
point of abandoning tbe chase as hope
less when 1 peroeived that a difference
had arisen between Mildred and her
ooinpanion. The young woman seemed
disposed to draw rein and await my
approaon, while her companion ap
peared, by his gesture;, to nrge her to
greater haste. Hor woman's will at
length prevailed, however, and, as I
drew more near tbey stopped their
horses and turned the heads of the
animals in my direotion.
Upon arriving at the spot where
they awaited me, I reined in my ex
hausted horse aud raised my hat. The
salutation was acknowledged by the
pale-faoed girl to whom it was ad
dressed, but as I observed her closely
I saw that she hung her head.
"Miss Mildred, I am the bearer of a
message from your father," I said
coldly. "Will you reoeive it here?"
She nodded, and leaping from my
horse I walked toward her and paused
beside her stirrups. Then I repeated
the simple message that her father had
bade me deliver and placed tbe silver
dollar iu her hand.
When I finished I retreated a step
or two aud watched her expectantly.
In a few moments I saw the tears
trickling swiftly down her cheeks.
Then she suddenly swayed in her sad
dle, and would havo fallen had I not
assisted her to dismouut.
Upon seeing the young woman in
my arms her companion, who had
been regarding me with vindictive
eyes, thruot his spurs against his
horse's rules and started toward me
with a curse.
"Be oft', or I'll fire 1" he cried, as
his hand olosed npon tho revolver in
bis belt.
Without making a reply. I strove to
disengage myself from the arms of the
woman who was now hysterically sob
bing on ray breast. Before I was able
to free myself, however, bis weapon
was levelled at my head. I now per
oeived that 'any attempt to offer resist
ance wonld be futile. Resigning my
self to the inevitable, therefore, I
plaoed my arms around the repentant
girl, and, looking her would-be de
ceiver fairly in the face, I awaited my
fate.
For several moments we remained
tbns, and I saw the eyes and brow of
the Englishman grow gradually darker
and darker.
"Take it, then," he hissod.
My brain reeled, a sickening sensa
tion of despair pervaded my body, and
my limbs trembled beneath me.
There was a loud report, bnt no
flame burst forth from the pistol bar
rel that had threatened me. MoPher
son's weapon foil from his hand. He
reeled in his saddle and his horse took
fright. With a snort ot alarm the
pony plunged madly forward and
made oil, dragging its rider beside it
on the ground
Dazed and bewildered, I marked its
flight, and as I looked I saw a womau
standing a few paoes distant. She, too,
gazed for a few moments after the
disappearing steed; then she threw
her arm across her faoe and staggered
toward a pony that was standing near.
This she mounted with difficulty, and
before I had recovered from my be
wilderment she was gone.
I assisted Mildred to the house, and
then went in search of Nettie, her
maid. Her room was empty, nor did
I ever see or hear of her again.
On the following day the body of
George MoPherson was found on the
shore of a small lake about two miles
away. It was buriad without cere
mony a few hours later nenr the spot
where it was discovered.
This is tho extent of my knowledge
of tho nnfortnnato man whom yon
have sought. I was told by Mildred,
who is now my wife, that he repre
sented himself as being the heir to a
valuable English estate. We seldom
speak of him now, and my wife knows
little more of his antecedents than I
do. Begretting that it has fallen to
me to communicate to yoa the melan
choly particulars herein set forth, I
remain, respectfully yours,
' BlCHARD HaRCODBT, M. D.
New York Journal.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
No bird oan fly backward without
taming. The dragon fly can acaom
plish this feat, however, and outstrip
any swallow.
Within the last fifty years the rate
of speed of ooean steamers has trebled
and the usual liorso power increased
from 700 to 10,000.
The difficulty of registering the tem
perature of the bottom of the ocean is
due to the faot that at a great depth
the thermometers are crushed by the
pressure.
In anew French method thin niokel
tubes are made by depositing nickel
eleotrolytioally on a matrix of fusible
metal, then melting out tbe latter by
immersion in a bath ot boili ng oil.
It has been reoently established
that the fusel, etc., in raw spirits oan
be removed by the introduction ot a
current of pure oxygen. The flavor
ot the spirit is not only improved, but
its physiological action is maoh amelio
rated. A new bottle is blown with a solid
neok, tbe opening being in the bottom
of the bottle, through which it oan be
filled, but from whiob no liquid oan be
drawn, it being nenessary to break the
neok to remove the contents of the
bottle.
The nearest approach of Mars to the
sun is 129,500,000 miles; his mean
distance, 141,500,000 ; his greatest
distano , 154,500,000. Oar mean
distanoe from the sun is abont ninety,
three million miles. The nearest ap
proach of the two planets to each
other is 35,500,000 miles.
The eleotrio fnrnaco is now being
used at Chariottenburg, Germany,
lor tbe production 01 ammonia and
nitrides. The nitride result from
exposing oxygen compounds of such
elements as silioon, boron, magnesium,
titanium and vanadium to tbe heat of
a high tension ourrent.in the presenoe
of free nitrogen and carbon. Treat
ment of the nitrides with steam gives
ammonia and an oxide from whiob. a
nitride may be re-formed as before.
The Walraud LegeniBel steel prooess.
which has boen adapted by quite a
number of Europoan firms and by one
American establishment, is said to
differ from the ordinary Bessemer
process iu the addition of ferro silioon
to the metal iu the oonverter at the
lima of flame drop, and by an after
blow burning the silicon to a solid
slag instead of carbon to a gas. As
the melted metal is usually fluid, it is
especially suitable for steel castings,
which are made solid and true to
pattern.
Where the Quakes Come From,
The greatest dopth at which earth
quakes are known to originate is about
thirty miles. It has alto been calcu
lated that a heat sumoieut to melt
granite might occur at abont the same
debt.
Jliflcrciiie lu Hands,
It is a strange fact that the right
hand, which is more sensible to the
touch tbau the left, is less sensible
tbau the latter to tbe eiloct of heat or
oold. Boston Budget.
The temperate man's pleasures are
durable because they are regular, aud
all his life is calm aud serene because
it is innocent.
There are from eight to ten species
of silkworms in, tlm country.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIKS THAT ARE TOLD BT THI
rUHNT MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Kail A Serious OHenre Pining
Crushing II 1m Satisfied Onlj
One to Uo Hound. ICtc, Etc.
I had a friend whose words were wiso,
Whose dwids were always gr.iad,
And who. It seemed to me, had been
Foraomegre.it purpose pliinued.
, But, on a d-iy he fell in love,
Whereat his wisdom fled
Alas for Ml the foolish things
That tben bo did aud said'
Cleveland Leader.
WN1NG.
Lawyer -"But my business is im
portant. Why can't I seo tbe judge?"
Servant "His honor is at steak."
Life.
A HERIOIH OFFEXCB.
Magistrate "What is the charge
against this man ?"
Onioer vMoOobb "Profcuity, sor.
He said the police foorje was a gang
of slobs." Baltimore News.
ONLY OSS TO OO ltOOXP.
"If this turkey were alive I'm afraid
he'd be very vain," sail the star
boarder.
"Why?" inquired tbo slow payer.
"He's made so much of." Puck.
CRtismso HIM.
Ho "I suppose that eaphsaJod
dudo has proposed to you a dozon
times?"
She "No ; once was enough. Come
and see us when we get settled."
Detroit Free Press.
' FUTILB ATTEMPT.
"Who was your friend?" asked the
living skeleton, as tho seedy agent
passed ont.
"Old schoolmate," said the legless
song and dance man. "Ho tried to
pull my arm for a V." Iudiauapolis
Journal.
nE KEPT OOt'NT. '
At Supper: Tommy's Mother
"Won't you have another bisoait?"
The Favored Guest "Thank yoa.
I really don't know how many I've had
already."
Tommy (obviously) "Idol You'vo
had six."
SATIHFIKD.
Terry Patetio "They say a man
enjoys restin' a whole lot better after
a good, hard day's work."
Wayworn Watson "vVeil, fer all I
know, it may be so; but I ain't round
tryin' any dangerous experiments."
Cincinnati Enquirer.
APTGR THE COLL ROE VACATION.
Eather latthe station) "Good-byo,
oldfellow, and let us tear trom you
occasionally when you don't want
money."
Freshman "All right, father. But
let's understand caoh other. When I
write to you and don't mention money,
you'll nnderstaud that I'm hard up."
-Life.
THAT CONFIDENT Atn.
"He's a very enterprising young
man," romarked tbe orderly gentle
man; "very pushing aud alert. He
belongs to tbe rising generation."
"I shouldn't have dreamed it," re
plied Miss Cayenne.
"Indeed?"
"No. F-om his manners I should
not have hesitated about concluding
that the riaiug generation belonged
o him." Washington Star.
A SCHOLARLY INFERENCE.
"What," inquired tbe professor, "is
the lesson oouveyed by the asoortion
that 'Seven cities claimed the Homer
dead, through whiob the liviug Homer
begged bis bread?''
And tho young man with his hair
plastered over his temples, replied,
after protracted thought :
"It shows conclusively Iho dime
museum is an institution of great an
tiquity." Wushiugtou Star.
Una ItKOOHU.
"Might 1 ask," said the lady from
South America, "why that plain per
son on tbe far side of tho room arro
gates uiito herself so in iny airs?"
"yhe is a Daughter of tuu Involu
tion," said tbe one interrogated iu
awed tones. "Her ancestors fought
in tbe Kevolntiou."
"Ub," said tbo lady from South
America. "1 myself am a daughter ot
seventeen of thoui." Iudiauapolis
lournal.
NOT THU WORD.
The industrious man had beeu try
ing his best to work while a piano
organ on tbe street poured forth its
dulcet monotonies. Tbe frieud with
an ear for music came in, and, after a
pause, exclaimed:
"Dear me I That iuiisio seoms very
familiar."
"Familiar I" was the response. "By
J-ove, sir, that isn't the word for it.
It's confoundedly impertinent."
Washington Star.
COill'KEnF.NSIVB.
He is a man with a good deal ot
pride, aud when his Iriends jeered at
his dog ho reeeuted it.
"That's ouo of the fiuest dogs in tho
country," he exclaimed. "1 suppose
you'd admire him it he were u fit.
Bernard?"
"Certainly."
"Or a niHstill?"
"Yes."
"Or a pointer?"
"Of course."
"Or a Newfouu.lLyud?"
"Yes."
"Well, tbeu, you eot 'SU'
make fuu of him as he is. He's all of
'tux."
A ROUNDEL OF BEST.
If rest Is sweet at shut of day
For tired hand and tired feet,
How sweet at last to rent for aye.
If rest Is sweet!
We work or work not through tne heat j
Doath bids us soon our labors lay
la lands where night and twilight meet
When the last dawns nr. fallen on gray,
And all life's toils and ease complete,
'hoy know who work, nor tbey who play
If rest is sweet.
Arthur Syonous.
HU.UOH OF THE DAY
flhe's Inoonsistent, so we gut
A lauh at her expense:
For when hor shoes am much too small
You find nor sighs Imratmso.
Judge.
"The pun," said so .e one to Henry
Erskine, an incurablf at the practice,
"is the lowest of all forms of wit."
"And, therefore, the foundation of it
all."
Breathless Hunter "I say, boy, did
yoa see a rabbit run by here?" Boy
"Yes, sir." Hunter "How long
jlgo?" Boy "I think it'll bo throe
yoarsTiext Christmas." Tit-Bits.
fc. iJ is uermiuiy wou.iernu now union
Boienoe'can do for ns." "Yes; Mr.
Frontrow has learned to hypnotize
her baby, and she didn't miss u club
mooting the whole week." Cleveland
Record.
Mrs. Watts "Isn't it n good deal
of annoyance to get your meals nt such
irregular hours?" Hungry Higgins
"The irregular hoars ain't so bad as
the irregular days." Iudiauapolis
Journal. ,
Oumso "Tho managers of the elo
vated are really making effort to ac
commodate their patrons." Oawkcr
"Are tbey?" "Yes. I counted forty
six new straps iu one car this morn
ing." Life.
"Are you feeling bettor this morn
ing?" asked Mr. Propriety. "In some
ways 1 am and in some ways I'm not."
answered Bobsly. "Then I sincerely
congratulate yon and condole with you,
Mrs. Bobsly. Good morning." De
troit Free Press.
Faddy "I wonder that the Spel
tons do not get along better than tbey
do. Everybody nsod to say they were
made for ono auother." Duddy
"H'ml Sol Well, that's partly trno.
I know she made for him the first time
she saw him." Boston Transcript.
"It has come at last," sobbed the
lovely bride ot a month;" the first
quarrel." "What, with your hus
band?" inquired her pitying friend.
"N no," sho faltered, lifting her
tear-steeped eyes ; "much worse with
tho 000k I" New Orleaus Timos
Demcorat. The Living Skeleton "I guess here
is the contortionist you were wanting
right hore in tbe want column." The
Manager "What does it say?' Tho
Living Skeleton "Wanted Employ
ment by a young man able and willing
to take any kind of position." Indi
anapolis Journal.
A commanding officer, addressing
his men at the conclusion of the late
Asbauti expedition, expressed his dis
appointment that tbey had had no
chance of a fight. "But," added he
and he is not an Irishman "had thcro
been fighting, thero would have been
many absent faces here to-day."
Household Words.
"George," she said, in a low voice,
"would you make a great saoriiloe for
my happiness?" "Certainly," he re
plied. "Would you give up smoking
for my sake?" "Give np smoking for
yonr sake," ho repeated. Then after
a silence, he exclaimed hoarsely, "I
oan refuse you nothing, I will give
np smoking for your sake. Hereafter
when I smoke it will be for my own
sake." Tit-Bits.
No Bight to Complain "Do yoa set
this pair of trousers you made for me
only six weeks ago?" "Yes, sir. Any
thing wrong with them?" "Nothing,
exoept that they are all worn and
razzled at tbe bottoms of the logs and
are shiny all over. That's all." "My
dear sir, I don't think you ought to
kick. The fashion iu trousers has
changed twioe since you had those
made." Chicago Tribune.
Struck by Meteors.
Somebody has said it is rather car
ious that in view of tlio number of
meteorites that fall to the earth every
year no ono has evor boeu killed or
hurt by one. This is a niisUko. In
the year 610 a uiotcorij stono fell iu
China, shattering U'curt and killing
ten men. It may be asserted that thtt
population of the Mongolian empire is
to dense that it would be difUmilt to
miss a Cbiuese. But other countries
have known similar accidents. About
the close of the seventeenth ooutury a
Captain Willmaun reported that two
of his sailors were killed at sea by the
full of a niue-wouud meteorite.
Not long after this a monk was killed
near Milan iu tbe same way, whilo a
uioteor which fell near New Concord
iu 1 btiO broke a railroad tie in two.
tlnsp'i'.'s Madu uf Paper.
Paper is now being used for nnder'
ground gits pipes iu England. The
material is t'elliiloiis ppsr soaked iu
aiphalt. The pipes are sui.l to bo im
permeable to water aud air, capable
ot resisting heavy pressure, not sub
ject to the ordinary causes of detort
orution, nud uu. atleolo.l by tbe action
of electric currents. Paper collar are
used for the joints.
Lung Drawn Out Cases.
A bankruptcy which ooourred iu
1S11 hits just beeu wound up iu the
.London registrar's 0 urt by u paymeut
th.it briugs tho lot il dividcu Is up to
ouo tvut on the dollar. A recent
liiulirupt at about the umu time
uttered to sell Id at tbo rato of ouo-tftoiity-stveuth
of u penuy iu the
pouu I, or sevou teutbi of a cent to a
dollar. m