the FOREabllcan in Smearbaugli & Co.'i Building KLM 8TREET, TIONESTA, VK. irm, l,(M)I'er Voar! No subscriptions reciY9d for a shorter period than ttiroo months. (lorrespondones solicits I from nil parts 0f th country. No noiloe will bs taken of nnonymoui conimunlo ulons. "ORE RATES OF ADVERTISINCl One Bqnr, one Inrh, on inwrtinn. .1 1 00 On Sipisre, ons inch, one month. . . 8110 Ono Bqtnira. ons innh, three months. . R IO On tipiare, one inch, one year 10 0.1 Two Kqunres, one yeir K no Quarter Column, one year MI Half Column, one year .VI 00 One Column, one year PMI OU lcnl advertisements tea cents per line each insertion. Alarriaps and detth notiops gratis. All tiillsforyrarly advertisements collected quarterly Temporary advertisements must be psi'l in advance. Job work cash on delivery. pub CAN -Re VOL. XXIX. NO. 40. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAHOII 3, 1897. 81.00 PER ANNUM. i Alihongh the tendency of money ! downward nil over tlie world, it is cheaper in New York than anywhere else. Mortgages on city property in New York State amounted to' 1980 million dollars when tho lust GcTernmcnt ociinhs was compiled ; Massachusetts reported 115 anil Illinois 114 millions. On6 of the best-known South Afri can millionaires baa frankly told his friends that he bus no intention of i vor marrying, because be knows be it o ngly that no girl would wish to marry iiim except for money. A German uatnralist bui curiously developed the "scarecrow" idoa. Tho dragon Hy i a deadly ouomy of tho mosquito, and the naturalist has found by many experiments that tho dried bodies of a few di'Hgon Hies suspended by threads around a bed keep tho mos quitoes at a distance. The Heiutillo American suggests that on January I, 111)0, a new division of tho year into thirteen mouths be instituted, tho first twclvo month to have twsnty-oight days and tho now mouth tweuty-niue days, and thirty io leap year, an 1 many calculations would bo simplified. - Fourteen aeutcnurinns died in Great Britain hint year, of whom eleven were of tho gentle, talkative sex, showing that loquacity promote. longevity, and that however it may bo with tho new woman iu that country, the old one holds her own, Riving Father Time a harder tussle thnn ho gets in his tussle with bin otu sex. The Secretary of State for India has made this strong statement : "The Government of India cannot but ac knowlcge the groat obligation under which it is laid by the benevolent ex ertions made by missionaries, whoso blameless example and self-denying labors are infusing new vigor into the stereotyped life, of tho groat popula tion placed uudor English rule.' Tim evil of a large laboring popnla :i which passes back'and forth from rope to this country and which i in and out of Canada has beoome '.) -I fcrions, maintains the Sew York News. This retnigration !egan thirty years ago in the Scotch building trades, whoso members by the hundred workod in New York in the summer ud in Scotland iu tho winter. It ex tended to other trades and other coun tries. A . very largo number of per sons, numbering at least 500,000, move back and forth across the Atlan tic, earning our high wages and enjoy ing European oheap living. At De roit and other points on our Canadian border the same practice exists in luily retnigration. The new immigra tion law will put a stop to this nod it will greatly improvo the intelligence f onr immigraut population. . The most expensive book that was avor published in the world is the olli jial history of tho Civil War, which is oow issued by the Government of the United States at a cost np to date of 12,331828. Of this amount $1,181, J'Jl has been paid for printing and binding. The remainder was ex pended for salaries, rent, stationery, nd other contingent and miscellane ous expenses, and for the purchase of records from private individuals. It will require at least three yeais longer md au appropriation of perhaps $000, r 300 to complete the work, so that the total cost will undoubtedly reach 13,000,000. It will consist of 112 jolurues, inoluding an index and an ktlas, which contains 173 plates and maps, illustrating tho important bat tles of the war, caiupaigus, lontes of much, plans of forts and photographs sf interesting scenes, plaoes, aud per ions. Moat of these piotures are taken from photograph made by the latoM. B. Brady of Washington. Several fears ago the Government purchased his etook of negatives. Eaah volume will, therefore, oost an average of tbout $2(1,785, which probably exceeds the oost of any book of the kind that was ever issued. Copies are sent free to publio libraries, and 1,347,000 have been so distributed. The atlas oost Tho remainder of the edition is told at prices ranging from fifty cents to ninety eents per volume. But there Iocs not seem to be a large popular demand, for only 71,191 copies have been sold, for a total of nfi30,154. The books oau be obtaiued by addrossiug the Secretary of War. The material used iu the preparation of those his tories is taken from both the Federal and Confederate archive, and is purely official. Tho reports of com manders of armies, corps, bligades. regiuicutf, etc., are carefully edited and arranged so us to give a consecu tive accounts of all eiigagt uiouts, with as iittle duplication uu l unnecessary maUriul as postiuie. HELP THAT COMES TOO LATE. 'TIs a wonrlsome world, this world ot ours, With its tangles small and groat, lis weeds that smother the sprini- flowers, Aad Its haptens strl res with fatoj And the darknst'day of Its dosolato dnys 8es the holpthat oom-u too lato. Ah! woo tor the word that Is novor said Till th ear is too dnaf to boar, And woo for the lack of the fainting huad Of the ringing shout ot cheor; Ah! woo for the lng rd foot that tread In the inournrul wake of tho blor. What booteth holp whon the heart is r.iimb? What bootutli a broken spar Of love thrown out when the lips nro dumb And life's bark drlftnlh fur, Oh! far and fast from tho alien past. Over tho moaning bar? ft pitiful thing the gift to-day That la dross and nothing worth, Though If It had eomo but yesterJay, It had brimmed with sweet tho oartli A fading rosoin a doilh-oold hand, That porishod In want and dearth, Who fain would holp In this world of ours, Whoro sorrowful steps must fall? Drlnu help in time to tho waning powors Kru tho blor In spread with tho pall, Nor send rosorvos whon the flaarsuro furled, And the doad beyond your call. For baffling most In this woary world, With IU tangles small and groat, . Its louesome night and Its weary days, And Its struggles forlorn with fato, Is that blttorest grief, too doop for tears. Of tho help that coiaos too late. Margaret E. Hangstor. A. ROMANCE OF TWO CONTINENTS. LOST nr.LATIVES. Advorllsomnuts under this head will bo fusortod at the riV.o of 6 I. a lino. . Mfil'HKfMOV. OEOltOE.-A libnnit rn ward will be paid to nuv person who will furnish information relminir to the present whereabout of Oeorge McPherson. who Is suppose I to have lrt Kugland in 1879. IIo Is holievoj to have gone to either Australia or South Africa. Tho missing man will loam something to his advantage by communica ting with Johu Ponton, Trafalgar Uulldinira C'harinc Cross, London. 1 M Alt TIN, AUNIiS. Ono hundred pounds will bo paid for information which will load to tho discovery of tho prosont whereabouts of Agnos M irtiu. Tho young woman, prior to her disappearance from England In 1879 was also kuown by her sta? name of lua Morton. Address Johu Jleutou, Trafalgar Buildings, Charing Cross, Loudou Lloyd's Weekly. Dgn-vkb, Col., U. S. A., ) July 10, 1890. ( Dear Sir: Chauce led me a few days ago to piok up a copy of Lloyd's London Weokly. Tho date of "the paper was a little more than a year old. As I glanced .through its col umns 1 saw the notices which I en olose herewith. I am in possession of several impor tant facts relating ton certain George MoPhcrson, who is doubtless the per son referred to in your advertisement. Those I will communicate to you without expectation of roward. With regard to the womnn, Agues Martin, whom you mention as having disap peared in 1879 tho year in whioh Mo I'horson loft Englaud I cannot speak with authority. I have in mind a woman, however, who may have been the one you seek, but her name, ante cedents and present whereabouts are alike unknown to me. The facts concerning George Mo Phersou, which are at my disposal, are scarcely likely to afford you satis faction, and as they are associatcd'with the darkest period of my lifo, 1 state them with a most pronounced feeling of reluctanoe. I cannot bnt feel, however, that a knowlsdga oi the cir cumstances of the case may be of con siderable importance to you, and that I would be guilty of an act of injus tice if, fur personal reasons, I with held them. In order that what I have to say with regard to George MoPhcrson may bo thoroughly un derstood, it will bo necessary for me to tell you a little of ray personal history. I was born in New York, and early in life prepared t& enter the medioal profession. After graduating from Harvard I attended a medioal college in New York City, but before I was admitted to praotioe I became in volved in an nufortunate love affair, which resultod in my leaving homo to seek my fortune in Colorado. A few months later, after a continued run of hard lnok, I made my way to Mon tana, where I entered the service of Samuel Freeborn, a prosperous ranch man. .Despite his rough exterior and gruff manners, Freeboru possessed many aohnirable qualities, aud was exceed ingly popular with the men in his em ploy. Most of the latter were young fellows who had drifted as I had doue from States east of the Mississippi. They were a good-natured lot aud free from many of those belligerent qualities which are generally credited to the cowboys of the West. About ten miles distant from the dwelling of Samuel Freeborn was the ranch of Alonzo Marquand. For nearly two years prior to my arrival in Montana a feud had existed be tween these two meu, aud it frequent ly happened that when their retainers met iu the course cf the general 'rouud-up" considerable ill feoliug bad been displavod, though no blood had been shed. Freeborn had a daughter wbosj re markable beauty aud gentlo maimers were extolled by hanly men for muuy a wide league around. Despite bor en vironment and lack of opportunities for intellectual development, Mildred Freeborn was distinguished for her maideuly grace aud numerous ao complishmeuts. She was a capable musician, uud possessed un excellent voice. As a couversatioualist she was vivacious aud well luforiued. She had a carefully selected library, which comprised several huudred volumes, and was an Industrious etudent. It was well known that she had long tried to prevail upon her father to permit her to visit tho East, and that life on the plains was nnoongenial to her. Frocborn, however, was loath to prt for oven a little while from the one individual whom be found it pos sible to love, and repeatedly deolined to permit her to leave him. Strange "as it may seem, no one among her many admirers had had the temerity to sock her band. This may have been due to the fact that a wholesome respect for the cholerio temper of old Freeboru impelled them to keep their distance, but it was more probablo that tho spirit of rovoienco with which tho fair Mildred usually in spired rnembors of the opposite sex bade them recognize their own un worthiucss. At tho time that I entered Free born's service the foud botwocn Frco born and Marquand was at its height. Marquand was a man of middle age and questionable practices. .Year by year his once large fortnue had grown smaller and smaller, and he was now htriving desperately to rogain all he had lost, lie was au inveterate gam bler, and his ranch hense was the re sort of half the gamesters in the county. Among the men in bis em ploy woro several Englishmen who, it was said, had certain dark pages in the history of their lives which it was to their host interosts to conceal. Thoy were not without future prospects, howovcr, and night after night, when not engaged with the herds, they were to be found sitting around "Lon" Marquand's gaming table. I had been on Frooborn's raneh about three months when the time arrived for a round-up. A new cause of dispute had lately arisen between Freeborn and 'Marquand, and I had been told to look for trouble. One night, whilo I was sitting alone bofore our camp fire, awaiting the re turn of ray companions, I foil to thinking of Mildred Freeborn. Since I had first mot her she had interested me greatly. She bad taken to me kindly, and often whilo 1 had been sitting with the men in tho dining room of the ranch house she had sent Nettie, her servant, to me with the request that I should visit her in her littlo library.. Although I was con vinced that I occupied a high place iu her esteem, 1 was far from deceiving myself with tho thought that I had inspired her with anything more than a mere friendly regard. I was still under the influence of a former love affair, and though I admired and re spected her I had folt no inclination to offer myself as a suitor. I bad found her an interesting study, however. Iu the oourse of our frequont conversations I had observed that she was dominated by a spirit of passionate unrest. The life she led on the plains had become irksome to her. She craved the social glamour and ex citements of cities, which she bad known only in the books the read. I had lived in the unknown country and was familiar with its customs and its sights. When she sought my company it was only that she might hear de scribed those things she so fondly hoped one day to see. There were times when I grew weary of her questioning, but her thirst for information was insatiate and she held mo to my task. During the last few days, however, ber comluot bad undergone a change. She had become more petulent in her manner, and now seemed as desirous of avoidiug my society as she had formerly been anxious to seek it. Aa I lay beside the blazing sticks, striving to find some reason for her altered de meanor, my reverie was suddenly in terrupted by the arrival of Tom Bax ter, one of the cowboys who had been branding oattle during the afternoon. "Wal, Dick," he drawled, ns he seated himself carelessly beside me on the ground, "how's that thar coffee oomia' ou? I'm all-fired hungry, an' thar's lot o' bard work ahead fer ns all tonight." "What's up anything special?" I asked. "Nope. I reckon thar's nothin' what yer might call special, exactly," he said slowly. ".Still, a fellow never knows what's liable to happen when these here Marquand boys is 'round." He paused, aud as I glanced toward him I saw an expression of gravity steal Blowly over his rugged features. "Confound their blasted hides, any how I" he exolaimed impatiently. "I'm afeerd one ot tho pesky lot is brewin' a peck o' trouble fer our old man this night. Wimmeu's a tunny lot dog gone 'em all, I say an' nil bear more watchin' 'an chilitreu will." "What have women got to do with it, Tom?" I askod, iu surprise. "A reg'lar how.ly-do, that'g what, as you'll Hud out alore this round-up's doue, 1 reckon," retorted Tom, dis gustedly. "Surely you don't moan " I began. "Kin yer keep a seoret if I tell it ter yer?" he demaudeJ, as he eyed me curiously. I looked at him questioning!?, "Kin yer?" "Yee." "Wal, then, just keep yer eyes peeled fer trouble agin the suu goes down teruiorrer night. That gal o' Freeborn's is a likely one, but fer all that she's prepariu' to take the bit atween them glis'uon' teeth o' hern au' bolt her itaddy'd trail. Uue o' them Marquand boys an Euglish lad named Mol'horson has been shines on her fci' quite u spell. Of course, her old man wouldn't have him 'rouud tho place, but somehow or another they contrive to meet puity often, as if thur ain't a game of bkip put up be tween 'om while the old mini's olf ou the rouud up, my name ain't Tom Bax ter." "Doesn't the old man suspect?" " "If he did d'ye think ho'd be out hert ? Nope ; ho iloesu't know a word. Yer see, uouo of tho fellers want to tell him of it ou Mi tit Millie's account. 1 reckon, thougt he ought to know. Still, it aintjio business of mine ex cept" He paused, and a deep flush suffused bis features. "Wal, yer see, I was spoons on Net tie a bit ago. But when I discovered that some job had been on atwixt Mc pherson an' Net, an' that she thought more o' MoPherson than she did o' me, I lassoed my lectin's an' kept 'cm from runnin' wil I never knew quite jnst what was on between them two. Morherson had been at Marquand's fer a month or bo, when Nettie come along and asked the old man if ho needed wimmin holp about the place. She was sort o' run down at the heel, an' said she had no friends, so the old man took hor in. Miss Millio took a sort o' fancy to hor, on' she's been workin up at Freeborn's over since. "One night, while 1 was spoons on Net, I seed her leave the house, an' foller the path to the little pastur' lot. Thar' I see MoPherson waitin'. When Net come up to where he stood he cussed her an' told her to be off. She didn't go, but dallied around him for a while, a tryin' to hug him, an' toll in' all the things she had given up fer him. IIo answered her sorb o' gruff like, an' then turned away an' loft her. Net went back to the house, and bimeby I see Miss Millie go out doors an' run down to the pastur' jest as Net had done. Thar' stood McPherson ag'n, nn' they walked np an' dswn the prairie for nigh a hull hour iu the monnlight. Wal', since then" Here Tom paused, for we had both markod tho approach of Freeborn. The old mau surveyed us kindly. Then he advanced and laid his hand on my shoulder. "Dick, my lad, yer wont be much use out here to-night, fer yer look clean tuckered out already. I want ter send a message ter my Millie. She'll be worryiu' about me a bit, I reckon, an' it'll make her mind easy. Will yer take it?" "Certainly," I replied. "Yernin'tgot no paper, ho v yer?" "No, but I will remember what you tell me." The old man hesitated and looked thoughtfully into the fire. "Toll her," ho began, slowly, "tell her, 'Denr Millie. Got that, now." "Yes," I replied with a smile that was unperoeived. " 'Dear Millie, tho oows hev been a calvin' fine. Marquand tried to swipe a lot, but it wa'n't no go. I'm feelin' fine. From your lovin' dad.' " I repeatod the message to hie entire satisfaction. "That's all right, my lad, and now be off, "But, wait a minute " He paused and took a brand new silver dollar from his pocket and put it to his lips. "Here I Tell Millie I kissed it twice where the woman is. She'll know what I menu." I turned away, and, after selecting a fresh pony, rode off toward the ranch. It was a beautiful moonlight night, and as I sped along the trail the words of the simple message still sounded in my ears, but as my heart warmed to ward the affectionate father I began to feel certain misgivings concerning my reoeptiou by his daughter at the ranoh. Tom Baxter's warning was still fresh in my mind, and something within me told me I would bo too lato to avert an impending calamity. I thrust my spur furthor into the side of my pony, and hastened faster on my way. At length the moonlight enabled me to discover, about a mile distant, the group of buildings on Freeborn's ranch. Onee more I urged my weary animal to a fresh burst of speed and was raoidly nearing my destination when I heard the hoof-beats of ap proaching horses. Peering searchingly in front of me I saw two riders a man and a woman. No sooner had I made the discovery, however, than I was conscious of the fact that I, too, was perceived and that it was the intention of the riders to avoid me. Thoy turned abruptly to- the rigut and started eastward across the unbroken prairie ground. In a moment I was after them. Thut the horsewoman before me was no other than Mildred Freeborn I was assured. She was mounted on a fleet Kentucky thoroughbred that had been the gift of her father. Her com panion, who was unknown to me, was monuted on a Texas pony. Both ani mals were lrcsh, and 1 was on the point of abandoning the chase as hope less when 1 perceived that a ditlerence had arisen between Mildred and her companion. The young woman seemed disposed to draw rein and await my approaoh, while her companion ap peared, by his gesture?, to urge her to greater haste. Hor woman's will at length prevailed, however, and, as I drew more near they stopped their horses and turned tho heads of the animals in my direetion. Upon arriving at the spot where they awaited me, I reined in my ex hausted horse and raisod my hat. The salutation was acknowledged by the pale-faced girl to whom it was ad dressed, but as I observed her closely I saw that ahe hung her head. "Miss Mildred, 1 am the bearer of a message from your father," I said coldly. "Will you receive it here?" She nodded, uud leaping from my horse I walked toward her and paused beside ber stirrups. Then i repeated the simple message that her father had bade me deliver aud placed the silver dollar iu her hand. When I finished I retreated a step or two and watched her expectantly. In a few moments I saw tho tours triokliug swiftly down her cheeks. Then she suddenly swayed iu her sad dle, and would havo lalleu had I not assisted her to dismount. Upon seeing the youug woman iu my arms her companion, who had been regarding me with vindictive eyes, thrust his spurs aguiust his horse's tides and sturted toward mo with a curie. "Be on', or I'll lire 1" ho cried, as his hand closed upon tho revolver in his belt. Without making a reply, I strove to disengage myself from the arms of the woman who was now hysterically sob bing on my breast. Before I was able to free mysolf, however, his weapon was levelled at my head. I now per ceived that any attempt to offer resist ance would be futile. Resigning my self to the inevitable, therefore, I plaoed my arms around the repentant girl, and, looking hor would-be de ceiver fairly in the face, I awaited my fate. For several moments wo remained thus, and I sow the eyes and brow of the Englishman grow gradually darker and darker. "Take it, then," ho hissod. My brain reeled, a sickouing sensa tion of despair pervaded my body, and my limbs trembled beneath me. There was a loud report, but no flame burst forth from the pistol bar rel that had threatened me. MoPher son's weapon foil from his hand. He reeled in his saddlo and his horse took fright. With a snort of alarm the poDy plunged madly forward and made off, dragging its rider beside it on tho ground Dazed and bewildered, I marked its flight, and as I looked I saw a wo mau standing a few paoes distant. She, too, gazed for a few moments after the disatipearing steed; then she threw her arm across her face and staggered toward a pony that was standing near. This she mounted with difficulty, and before I had recovered from my be wilderment she was gone. I assisted Mildred to the house, and then went in searoh of Nettie, her maid. Her room was empty, nor did I ever see or hear of her again. On the following day the body of George McPherson was found on the shore of a small lake about two miles away. It was buriod without cero mony a few hours later near the spot where it was discovered. This is tho extent of my knowledge of the nufortunate man whom you have sought. I was told by Mildred, who is now my wife, that he repre sented himself as being the heir to a valuable English estate. We seldom speak of him now, aud my wife knows littlo more of his antecedents than I do. Regretting that it has fallen to me to .communicate to you the melan choly particulars herein set forth, I remain, respectfully yours, ' Richard HAnoomiT, M. D. New York Journal. SCIENTIFIC AM) IXUUSTRIiL, No bird can fly backward without turning. The dragon rly can accom plish this feat, however, and outstrip any swallow. Within the last fifty years the rate of speed of ocean steamers has trebled and the usual liorsa power increased from 700 to 10,000. Tho difficulty of registering the tem perature of the bottom of the ocean is due to the fact that at a great depth tho thermometers are crushed by the pressure. In anew French method thin nickel tubes are made by depositing nickel eleotrolytically on a matrix of fusible metal, then melting out the latter by immersion in a bath of boili ug oil. It has been recently established that the fusel, etc, in raw spirits can be removed by the introduction of a current of pure oxygen. The flavor of the spirit is not only improved, but its physiological action is muoh amelio rated. A new bottle is blowu with a solid neck, the opening being in the bottom of the bottle, through which it can be filled, but from which no liquid oan be drawn, it being ncsessary to break the neck to remove the contents of the bottle. The nearest approach of Mars to the sun is 129,600,000 miles; his nieau distance, 141,500,000; his greatest distance, 151,500,000. Our mean distance from the sun is about ninety three million milos. The nearest ap proaoh of the two planets to each other is 35,500,000 miles. Tho eleotrio fnrnace is now being nsed at Charlottonburg, Germany, for the production of ammonia and nitrides. The nitride result from exposing oxygen compounds of such elements as silicon, boron, magnesium, titanium and vanadium to the heat of a high tension current, in the presenoe of free nitrogen aud carbon. Treat ment of the nitrides with steam gives ammonia and au oxide from which a nitride may be re-formed as before. The Walraud Lugeuisel steel process, which has boen adapted by quite a number of Europoan firms and by one American establishment, is said to diller from the ordinary Bessemer process iu the addition of ferro silicon to the metal iu the converter at the tiuio of flame drop, and by an after blow burning the silicon to a solid slajj instead of carbon to a gas. As the melted metal is usually fluid, it is especially suitable for steel castings, which are mado solid and true to pattern. Whore the Quakes ( jnie From. The greatest dopth at which earth quakes are kno wn to originate is about thirty miles. It has albo been calcu lated that a boat sutlioieut to melt granite might occur at ubout the came debt. IHflerciu'C iu Hands. It is a strange fact that the ri;;ht hand, which is more sensible to the touch thau tho loft, is less sensible (him the lutter to the elluct of heat or cold. llottou liudget. The temperate man's pleasures are durable becatuo they ure regular, aud all his life is calm aud serene because it is innocent. There are from eight to ten species of silkworms iu this country. TOE MERRY SIDE i)V LIFE, 8TORIKS THAT ARE TOLD BT THI FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. A Fall A Serious Dflenre Dining Crushing lllm Satisfied Onlj One to (o Kotmd. lOto., Ktc. I had a friond whoso words worn wis", Whose deeds were alwuvs ur.ind, And who. It seemed to mo, had Iki?u For some preat purposo planned. Dot, on a d iv ho fell in love. Whereat his wl."dom nd Alns for all tho foolinh thlnis That then ho did aud said' Cleveland Lender. l)INlN(i. Lawyer -"But my business is im portant. WI17 can't I see the judge?" Servant "His honor is at eteak." Life. A BP.MOIH OFKRS'CK. Magistrate "What is the chargo against this man ?" Ollicer - McOobb "Profanity, sor. He said the polace foorje was a gang of slobs." Baltimore News. ONt.V ONE TO OO HOUND. "If this turkey were alive I'm afraid he'd be very vain," said the star boarder. "Why?" inquired tho slow payer. "He's made so much of." Puck. mtisiiiso uim. Ho "1 suppose that tap-headed dudo has proposed to you n dozen timeB?" She "No ; once was enough. Come nnd seo us when we get settled." Detroit Free Press. FL'TILB At TEMPT. "Who was your frieud?" askod the living skeleton, as tho seedy agent passed out. "Old schoolmate," said tho legless song and dance man. "Ho tried to pnll my arm for a V." Iudiauapolis Journal. HE KEPT COl'NT. At Supper: Tommy's Mother "Won't you have another bisouit?" The Favored Guest 'Thank you. I really dou't know how many I've had already." Tommy (enviously) "I do I You'vo had six." SATIHPIEO. Perry Patetio "They say a man enjoys restin' a whole lot better after a good, hard day's work." Wayworn Watson "vVeil, fer all I know, it may be so; but I ain't rouud tryin' any dangerous experiments." Cincinnati Enquirer. Arrr.R the colleoe vacation. Esther tat the station) "Glood-b.ye, old fellow, and let us hear trom you occasionally when you don't want money." Freahinan "All right, father. Rut let's understand eaoh other. When I write to you and don't mention money, you'll understand that I'm hard up." -Life. THAT CONFIDENT AIU. "He's a very entorprisiug young man," remarked the elderly gentlo man; "very pushing and ulert. He belongs to the rising geuoration." "I shouldn't hve dreamed it," re plied Miss Cayenne. "Indeed?" "No. Fom his mauners I should not havo hesitated about coucluding that the risiug geueratiou belonged o him." Washington Star. A SCHOLARLY INPEItENCB. "What," inquired the professor, "is the lesion couvoyod by the asourtiou that '.Seven cities claimod the Homer dead, through which the liviug Homer begged his bread?'' And tho young mau with his hair plastered over his temples, replied, after protracted thought : "ft shows conclusively tho dime museum is an institution of great an tiquity." Wnshiueton Star. HliR ItKOOKll. "Might 1 uslt," said tho ludy from South Auierici. "why that plain per son ou the far side of tnu room arro gates unto herself so in my airs?" ".She is a Daughter of the Revolu tion," said tho one interrogated iu awed tones. "Her ancestors fought in the Revolutiou." "Oh," said tho lady from South America. "1 uiysjlf am a daughter of seventeen of them." Iudiauapolis lournul. NOT TUU VVOIID. Tho industrious man had been try iug bis bot to work while a piano orgau ou the street poured forth its dulcet monotouies. The frieud with an ear for musio came in, aud, after a pause, exclaimed: "Dear mo I That musio seems very familiar." "Familiar I" was tho response. "By T.OV0, sir, that isu't the word for it. It's confoundedly impertinent." Washington Star. COUl'ltEllKSISIVB. He is a mau with u good deal of pride, and when his Jrieuds jeerod at bis do,j ho refuted it. "That's one of tho finest dogs iu tho country," ho exclaimed. "1 suppose you'd admire him if he were u St. Rernnrd?" "Ceitainly." "Or a nmstiU?" "Yes." "Or a pointer?" "Of course." "Or u N'ewfouu.lLiud?" "Yes." "Well, theu, you got ui right to uiuke tuu of him as he is lie's all of W A ROUNDEL. OF REST, If rest is sweet at shut of day For tlrod hand and tired foot, How sweet at last to rest forayn. If rest is sweet! We work or work not through 1110 hear; Doath bids us soon our labors lay In lands where night and twilight meet. Whon tho last dnwns nro fnllen on grny. And all life's tolls and easo complete, Thoy know who work, nor they who piny If rest is sweot. Arthur Symous. HUMOU 01' TIIE DAY Rho's Inoonsistont. so wo tfet A laii'h nt her expense: For when her shos are much too small You tlnd tier sighs linmus. y Judge. "The pun," said so e one to Henry Erskine, an incurabl at tho practice, "is the lowest of nil forms of wit." "And, therefore, the foundation of it all." Breathless Hunter "I say, boy, did you see a rabbit run by here?" Boy "Yes, sir." Hunter "How long ,go?" Boy "I think it'll bo throe -years-next Christmas." Tit-Bits. N'yt is oertuinly wonderful how much oienoe can do for us." "Yes: Mr. Frontrow has learned to hypnotize her baby, and she didn't miss a club mooting the whole week." Cleveland Record. Mrs. Watts "Isn't it n good deal of annoyance to get your meals at such irregular bouts?" Hungry Higgins "The irregular hours ain't so bad as the irrogulur days." Indianapolis Journal. , Cumso "Tho managers of the elo voted ore really making efforts to ac commodate their patrons." Cawkcr "Aretuey?" "Yes. I counted forty six new straps iu one car this morn ing. " Life. "Are you feeling bettor this morn ing?" asked Mr. I'ropriety. "in some ways 1 am and in some ways I'm not," answered Bobsly. "Then I sincerely congratulate you and condole with you, Mrs. Bobsly. Good morning." De troit Froe Press. Fuddy "I wonder that the Spel tons do not get along bettor thau they do. Everybody usod to say they were made for ono auother." Duddy "H'm I So ! Well, that's partly true. I know she made for him the first time she saw him." Boston Transcript. "It has come at last," sobbed tho lovely brido of a month ;" the first quarrel." "What, with your hus band?" inquired her pitying friond. "N no," sho faltered, lifting her tear-steeped eyes ; "much worse with tho cook I" Now Orleans Timos Democrat. Tho Living Skeleton "I guess here is the contortionist you were wanting right bore in the want column." The Manager "What does it Bay?'' Tho Living Skeleton "Wanted Employ ment by a young man able and willing to take ouy kind of position. " Indi anapolis Journal. A commanding ollicer, addressing bis men at the conclusion of the lute Ashanti expedition, exprussed his dis appointment that they had had no chance of a light. "But," added he and ho is not an Irishman "had thcro been fighting, thero would have been many absent faces hero to-day." Household Words. "George," she said, iu a low voice, "would you make a ;reat saorillce for my happiness?" "Cort.uuly, " he re plied. "Would you give np smoking for my sake?" "Givo up smoking for your sake," ho repeated. Then after a silence, ho exclaimed hoarsely, "I can refuse you nothing, I will give up smoking for your sake. Iloreufter when I smoke it will be for my own sake." Tit-Bits. No Right to Complaiu "Do you Be this pair of trousers you made for me only six weeks ago?" "Yes, sir. Any thing wrong with them?" "Nothing, exoept that thoy 11 10 all worn and razzled at the bottoms of the legs ami are shiny all over. That's all." "My dear sir, I don't think you ought to kick. The fashion iu trousers has changed twice since you had those made." Chicago Tribune. Struck by Met 'ors. Somebody has said it is rather cur ious that in view of tlio number of meteorites that fall to tho earth every year no one has ever l.eeu killed or hurt by one. This is a misttko. In the year till) a muteorij stone fell iu China, shattering 11 cart uud killing ten men. It may be asHorted that tilts population of tho Mou:;oliau empire is , to dunso that it would be ttitU uilt to miss a Cbiueso. But other couutries have know n similar accidents. About the closo of the seventeenth oeutury a Captam Wilhnaun reported that two of bis sailors were killed at sea by tho full of a uiiio-woiuid meteorite. Not loug after this a monk was killed near Milan iu the eumo way, while a meteor which fell near New Concord iu 1 St!0 broke u railroad tie in two. Gasp'p'.'s Madn ef I'api'i". Taper is now being used for under ground gas pipos iu l'ujlaud. The material is cellulous papor soaked iu asphalt. The pipes are sai 1 to bu im permeable to water uud air, capable of resisting heavy pressure, not sub ject to the ordinary causes of deteri oration, nud Ui). alleotod by the action of electric currents. Paper collar! are nsod for tho joints. Liiuir lliauu Out Cases, A bankruptcy which otvurrod iu Hll has just been wound up iu the Lou lou registrar's c uirt by a paymeut that brings th-J totil divideu Is up to ono ceut ou the dollar. A reeeut iMukrupt at about tho Kune tuuo idlcred to sell le nt tuo rate of ono-tftoiity-stveuth of 11 penuy in tho pouu I, or suvcu tenths ui a ceut to a dollar.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers