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VOL. XXIX. NO. 40. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAHOII 3, 1897. 81.00 PER ANNUM.
i
Alihongh the tendency of money !
downward nil over tlie world, it is
cheaper in New York than anywhere
else.
Mortgages on city property in New
York State amounted to' 1980 million
dollars when tho lust GcTernmcnt
ociinhs was compiled ; Massachusetts
reported 115 anil Illinois 114 millions.
On6 of the best-known South Afri
can millionaires baa frankly told his
friends that he bus no intention of
i vor marrying, because be knows be it
o ngly that no girl would wish to
marry iiim except for money.
A German uatnralist bui curiously
developed the "scarecrow" idoa. Tho
dragon Hy i a deadly ouomy of tho
mosquito, and the naturalist has found
by many experiments that tho dried
bodies of a few di'Hgon Hies suspended
by threads around a bed keep tho mos
quitoes at a distance.
The Heiutillo American suggests
that on January I, 111)0, a new division
of tho year into thirteen mouths be
instituted, tho first twclvo month to
have twsnty-oight days and tho now
mouth tweuty-niue days, and thirty io
leap year, an 1 many calculations
would bo simplified.
- Fourteen aeutcnurinns died in Great
Britain hint year, of whom eleven were
of tho gentle, talkative sex, showing
that loquacity promote. longevity,
and that however it may bo with tho
new woman iu that country, the old
one holds her own, Riving Father
Time a harder tussle thnn ho gets in
his tussle with bin otu sex.
The Secretary of State for India has
made this strong statement : "The
Government of India cannot but ac
knowlcge the groat obligation under
which it is laid by the benevolent ex
ertions made by missionaries, whoso
blameless example and self-denying
labors are infusing new vigor into the
stereotyped life, of tho groat popula
tion placed uudor English rule.'
Tim evil of a large laboring popnla
:i which passes back'and forth from
rope to this country and which
i in and out of Canada has beoome
'.) -I fcrions, maintains the Sew York
News. This retnigration !egan thirty
years ago in the Scotch building
trades, whoso members by the hundred
workod in New York in the summer
ud in Scotland iu tho winter. It ex
tended to other trades and other coun
tries. A . very largo number of per
sons, numbering at least 500,000,
move back and forth across the Atlan
tic, earning our high wages and enjoy
ing European oheap living. At De
roit and other points on our Canadian
border the same practice exists in
luily retnigration. The new immigra
tion law will put a stop to this nod it
will greatly improvo the intelligence
f onr immigraut population.
. The most expensive book that was
avor published in the world is the olli
jial history of tho Civil War, which is
oow issued by the Government of the
United States at a cost np to date of
12,331828. Of this amount $1,181,
J'Jl has been paid for printing and
binding. The remainder was ex
pended for salaries, rent, stationery,
nd other contingent and miscellane
ous expenses, and for the purchase of
records from private individuals. It
will require at least three yeais longer
md au appropriation of perhaps $000, r
300 to complete the work, so that the
total cost will undoubtedly reach
13,000,000. It will consist of 112
jolurues, inoluding an index and an
ktlas, which contains 173 plates and
maps, illustrating tho important bat
tles of the war, caiupaigus, lontes of
much, plans of forts and photographs
sf interesting scenes, plaoes, aud per
ions. Moat of these piotures are taken
from photograph made by the latoM.
B. Brady of Washington. Several
fears ago the Government purchased
his etook of negatives. Eaah volume
will, therefore, oost an average of
tbout $2(1,785, which probably exceeds
the oost of any book of the kind that
was ever issued. Copies are sent free
to publio libraries, and 1,347,000 have
been so distributed. The atlas oost
Tho remainder of the edition is
told at prices ranging from fifty cents
to ninety eents per volume. But there
Iocs not seem to be a large popular
demand, for only 71,191 copies have
been sold, for a total of nfi30,154. The
books oau be obtaiued by addrossiug
the Secretary of War. The material
used iu the preparation of those his
tories is taken from both the Federal
and Confederate archive, and is
purely official. Tho reports of com
manders of armies, corps, bligades.
regiuicutf, etc., are carefully edited
and arranged so us to give a consecu
tive accounts of all eiigagt uiouts, with
as iittle duplication uu l unnecessary
maUriul as postiuie.
HELP THAT COMES TOO LATE.
'TIs a wonrlsome world, this world ot ours,
With its tangles small and groat,
lis weeds that smother the sprini- flowers,
Aad Its haptens strl res with fatoj
And the darknst'day of Its dosolato dnys
8es the holpthat oom-u too lato.
Ah! woo tor the word that Is novor said
Till th ear is too dnaf to boar,
And woo for the lack of the fainting huad
Of the ringing shout ot cheor;
Ah! woo for the lng rd foot that tread
In the inournrul wake of tho blor.
What booteth holp whon the heart is r.iimb?
What bootutli a broken spar
Of love thrown out when the lips nro dumb
And life's bark drlftnlh fur,
Oh! far and fast from tho alien past.
Over tho moaning bar?
ft pitiful thing the gift to-day
That la dross and nothing worth,
Though If It had eomo but yesterJay,
It had brimmed with sweet tho oartli
A fading rosoin a doilh-oold hand,
That porishod In want and dearth,
Who fain would holp In this world of ours,
Whoro sorrowful steps must fall?
Drlnu help in time to tho waning powors
Kru tho blor In spread with tho pall,
Nor send rosorvos whon the flaarsuro furled,
And the doad beyond your call.
For baffling most In this woary world,
With IU tangles small and groat, .
Its louesome night and Its weary days,
And Its struggles forlorn with fato,
Is that blttorest grief, too doop for tears.
Of tho help that coiaos too late.
Margaret E. Hangstor.
A. ROMANCE OF
TWO CONTINENTS.
LOST nr.LATIVES.
Advorllsomnuts under this head will bo
fusortod at the riV.o of 6 I. a lino.
.
Mfil'HKfMOV. OEOltOE.-A libnnit rn
ward will be paid to nuv person who will
furnish information relminir to the present
whereabout of Oeorge McPherson. who Is
suppose I to have lrt Kugland in 1879. IIo
Is holievoj to have gone to either Australia
or South Africa. Tho missing man will loam
something to his advantage by communica
ting with Johu Ponton, Trafalgar Uulldinira
C'harinc Cross, London. 1
M Alt TIN, AUNIiS. Ono hundred pounds
will bo paid for information which will load
to tho discovery of tho prosont whereabouts
of Agnos M irtiu. Tho young woman, prior
to her disappearance from England In 1879
was also kuown by her sta? name of lua
Morton. Address Johu Jleutou, Trafalgar
Buildings, Charing Cross, Loudou Lloyd's
Weekly.
Dgn-vkb, Col., U. S. A., )
July 10, 1890. (
Dear Sir: Chauce led me a few
days ago to piok up a copy of Lloyd's
London Weokly. Tho date of "the
paper was a little more than a year
old. As I glanced .through its col
umns 1 saw the notices which I en
olose herewith.
I am in possession of several impor
tant facts relating ton certain George
MoPhcrson, who is doubtless the per
son referred to in your advertisement.
Those I will communicate to you
without expectation of roward. With
regard to the womnn, Agues Martin,
whom you mention as having disap
peared in 1879 tho year in whioh Mo
I'horson loft Englaud I cannot speak
with authority. I have in mind a
woman, however, who may have been
the one you seek, but her name, ante
cedents and present whereabouts are
alike unknown to me.
The facts concerning George Mo
Phersou, which are at my disposal,
are scarcely likely to afford you satis
faction, and as they are associatcd'with
the darkest period of my lifo, 1 state
them with a most pronounced feeling
of reluctanoe. I cannot bnt feel,
however, that a knowlsdga oi the cir
cumstances of the case may be of con
siderable importance to you, and that
I would be guilty of an act of injus
tice if, fur personal reasons, I with
held them.
In order that what I have
to say with regard to George
MoPhcrson may bo thoroughly un
derstood, it will bo necessary for
me to tell you a little of ray personal
history.
I was born in New York, and early
in life prepared t& enter the medioal
profession. After graduating from
Harvard I attended a medioal college
in New York City, but before I was
admitted to praotioe I became in
volved in an nufortunate love affair,
which resultod in my leaving homo to
seek my fortune in Colorado. A few
months later, after a continued run of
hard lnok, I made my way to Mon
tana, where I entered the service of
Samuel Freeborn, a prosperous ranch
man. .Despite his rough exterior and gruff
manners, Freeboru possessed many
aohnirable qualities, aud was exceed
ingly popular with the men in his em
ploy. Most of the latter were young
fellows who had drifted as I had doue
from States east of the Mississippi.
They were a good-natured lot aud
free from many of those belligerent
qualities which are generally credited
to the cowboys of the West.
About ten miles distant from the
dwelling of Samuel Freeborn was the
ranch of Alonzo Marquand. For
nearly two years prior to my arrival
in Montana a feud had existed be
tween these two meu, aud it frequent
ly happened that when their retainers
met iu the course cf the general
'rouud-up" considerable ill feoliug
bad been displavod, though no blood
had been shed.
Freeborn had a daughter wbosj re
markable beauty aud gentlo maimers
were extolled by hanly men for muuy
a wide league around. Despite bor en
vironment and lack of opportunities
for intellectual development, Mildred
Freeborn was distinguished for her
maideuly grace aud numerous ao
complishmeuts. She was a capable
musician, uud possessed un excellent
voice. As a couversatioualist she was
vivacious aud well luforiued. She
had a carefully selected library, which
comprised several huudred volumes,
and was an Industrious etudent. It
was well known that she had long
tried to prevail upon her father to
permit her to visit tho East, and that
life on the plains was nnoongenial to
her. Frocborn, however, was loath to
prt for oven a little while from the
one individual whom be found it pos
sible to love, and repeatedly deolined
to permit her to leave him. Strange
"as it may seem, no one among her
many admirers had had the temerity
to sock her band. This may have
been due to the fact that a wholesome
respect for the cholerio temper of old
Freeboru impelled them to keep their
distance, but it was more probablo
that tho spirit of rovoienco with
which tho fair Mildred usually in
spired rnembors of the opposite sex
bade them recognize their own un
worthiucss. At tho time that I entered Free
born's service the foud botwocn Frco
born and Marquand was at its height.
Marquand was a man of middle age
and questionable practices. .Year by
year his once large fortnue had grown
smaller and smaller, and he was now
htriving desperately to rogain all he
had lost, lie was au inveterate gam
bler, and his ranch hense was the re
sort of half the gamesters in the
county. Among the men in bis em
ploy woro several Englishmen who, it
was said, had certain dark pages in the
history of their lives which it was to
their host interosts to conceal. Thoy
were not without future prospects,
howovcr, and night after night, when
not engaged with the herds, they were
to be found sitting around "Lon"
Marquand's gaming table.
I had been on Frooborn's raneh
about three months when the time
arrived for a round-up. A new cause
of dispute had lately arisen between
Freeborn and 'Marquand, and I had
been told to look for trouble.
One night, whilo I was sitting alone
bofore our camp fire, awaiting the re
turn of ray companions, I foil to
thinking of Mildred Freeborn. Since
I had first mot her she had interested
me greatly. She bad taken to me
kindly, and often whilo 1 had been
sitting with the men in tho dining
room of the ranch house she had sent
Nettie, her servant, to me with the
request that I should visit her in her
littlo library.. Although I was con
vinced that I occupied a high place iu
her esteem, 1 was far from deceiving
myself with tho thought that I had
inspired her with anything more than
a mere friendly regard. I was still
under the influence of a former love
affair, and though I admired and re
spected her I had folt no inclination
to offer myself as a suitor.
I bad found her an interesting
study, however. Iu the oourse of our
frequont conversations I had observed
that she was dominated by a spirit of
passionate unrest. The life she led on
the plains had become irksome to her.
She craved the social glamour and ex
citements of cities, which she bad
known only in the books the read. I
had lived in the unknown country and
was familiar with its customs and its
sights. When she sought my company
it was only that she might hear de
scribed those things she so fondly
hoped one day to see.
There were times when I grew weary
of her questioning, but her thirst for
information was insatiate and she held
mo to my task.
During the last few days, however,
ber comluot bad undergone a change.
She had become more petulent in her
manner, and now seemed as desirous
of avoidiug my society as she had
formerly been anxious to seek it. Aa
I lay beside the blazing sticks, striving
to find some reason for her altered de
meanor, my reverie was suddenly in
terrupted by the arrival of Tom Bax
ter, one of the cowboys who had been
branding oattle during the afternoon.
"Wal, Dick," he drawled, ns he
seated himself carelessly beside me on
the ground, "how's that thar coffee
oomia' ou? I'm all-fired hungry, an'
thar's lot o' bard work ahead fer ns all
tonight."
"What's up anything special?" I
asked.
"Nope. I reckon thar's nothin'
what yer might call special, exactly,"
he said slowly. ".Still, a fellow never
knows what's liable to happen when
these here Marquand boys is 'round."
He paused, aud as I glanced toward
him I saw an expression of gravity
steal Blowly over his rugged features.
"Confound their blasted hides, any
how I" he exolaimed impatiently. "I'm
afeerd one ot tho pesky lot is brewin'
a peck o' trouble fer our old man this
night. Wimmeu's a tunny lot dog
gone 'em all, I say an' nil bear more
watchin' 'an chilitreu will."
"What have women got to do with
it, Tom?" I askod, iu surprise.
"A reg'lar how.ly-do, that'g what,
as you'll Hud out alore this round-up's
doue, 1 reckon," retorted Tom, dis
gustedly. "Surely you don't moan " I began.
"Kin yer keep a seoret if I tell it ter
yer?" he demaudeJ, as he eyed me
curiously.
I looked at him questioning!?,
"Kin yer?"
"Yee."
"Wal, then, just keep yer eyes
peeled fer trouble agin the suu goes
down teruiorrer night. That gal o'
Freeborn's is a likely one, but fer all
that she's prepariu' to take the bit
atween them glis'uon' teeth o' hern
au' bolt her itaddy'd trail. Uue o' them
Marquand boys an Euglish lad named
Mol'horson has been shines on her
fci' quite u spell. Of course, her old
man wouldn't have him 'rouud tho
place, but somehow or another they
contrive to meet puity often, as if
thur ain't a game of bkip put up be
tween 'om while the old mini's olf ou
the rouud up, my name ain't Tom Bax
ter." "Doesn't the old man suspect?"
" "If he did d'ye think ho'd be out
hert ? Nope ; ho iloesu't know a word.
Yer see, uouo of tho fellers want to
tell him of it ou Mi tit Millie's account.
1 reckon, thougt he ought to know.
Still, it aintjio business of mine ex
cept" He paused, and a deep flush suffused
bis features.
"Wal, yer see, I was spoons on Net
tie a bit ago. But when I discovered
that some job had been on atwixt Mc
pherson an' Net, an' that she thought
more o' MoPherson than she did o'
me, I lassoed my lectin's an' kept 'cm
from runnin' wil I never knew quite
jnst what was on between them two.
Morherson had been at Marquand's
fer a month or bo, when Nettie come
along and asked the old man if ho
needed wimmin holp about the place.
She was sort o' run down at the heel,
an' said she had no friends, so the old
man took hor in. Miss Millio took a
sort o' fancy to hor, on' she's been
workin up at Freeborn's over since.
"One night, while 1 was spoons on
Net, I seed her leave the house, an'
foller the path to the little pastur' lot.
Thar' I see MoPherson waitin'. When
Net come up to where he stood he
cussed her an' told her to be off. She
didn't go, but dallied around him for
a while, a tryin' to hug him, an' toll in'
all the things she had given up fer him.
IIo answered her sorb o' gruff like, an'
then turned away an' loft her. Net
went back to the house, and bimeby I
see Miss Millie go out doors an' run
down to the pastur' jest as Net had
done. Thar' stood McPherson ag'n,
nn' they walked np an' dswn the
prairie for nigh a hull hour iu the
monnlight. Wal', since then"
Here Tom paused, for we had both
markod tho approach of Freeborn.
The old mau surveyed us kindly.
Then he advanced and laid his hand
on my shoulder.
"Dick, my lad, yer wont be much
use out here to-night, fer yer look
clean tuckered out already. I want
ter send a message ter my Millie.
She'll be worryiu' about me a bit, I
reckon, an' it'll make her mind easy.
Will yer take it?"
"Certainly," I replied.
"Yernin'tgot no paper, ho v yer?"
"No, but I will remember what you
tell me."
The old man hesitated and looked
thoughtfully into the fire.
"Toll her," ho began, slowly, "tell
her, 'Denr Millie. Got that, now."
"Yes," I replied with a smile that
was unperoeived.
" 'Dear Millie, tho oows hev been a
calvin' fine. Marquand tried to swipe
a lot, but it wa'n't no go. I'm feelin'
fine. From your lovin' dad.' "
I repeatod the message to hie entire
satisfaction.
"That's all right, my lad, and now
be off, "But, wait a minute "
He paused and took a brand new
silver dollar from his pocket and put
it to his lips.
"Here I Tell Millie I kissed it twice
where the woman is. She'll know
what I menu."
I turned away, and, after selecting
a fresh pony, rode off toward the
ranch.
It was a beautiful moonlight night,
and as I sped along the trail the words
of the simple message still sounded in
my ears, but as my heart warmed to
ward the affectionate father I began to
feel certain misgivings concerning my
reoeptiou by his daughter at the
ranoh. Tom Baxter's warning was
still fresh in my mind, and something
within me told me I would bo too lato
to avert an impending calamity. I
thrust my spur furthor into the side
of my pony, and hastened faster on
my way.
At length the moonlight enabled me
to discover, about a mile distant, the
group of buildings on Freeborn's
ranch. Onee more I urged my weary
animal to a fresh burst of speed and
was raoidly nearing my destination
when I heard the hoof-beats of ap
proaching horses. Peering searchingly
in front of me I saw two riders a man
and a woman.
No sooner had I made the discovery,
however, than I was conscious of the
fact that I, too, was perceived and that
it was the intention of the riders to
avoid me. Thoy turned abruptly to-
the rigut and started eastward across
the unbroken prairie ground. In a
moment I was after them.
Thut the horsewoman before me was
no other than Mildred Freeborn I was
assured. She was mounted on a fleet
Kentucky thoroughbred that had been
the gift of her father. Her com
panion, who was unknown to me, was
monuted on a Texas pony. Both ani
mals were lrcsh, and 1 was on the
point of abandoning the chase as hope
less when 1 perceived that a ditlerence
had arisen between Mildred and her
companion. The young woman seemed
disposed to draw rein and await my
approaoh, while her companion ap
peared, by his gesture?, to urge her to
greater haste. Hor woman's will at
length prevailed, however, and, as I
drew more near they stopped their
horses and turned tho heads of the
animals in my direetion.
Upon arriving at the spot where
they awaited me, I reined in my ex
hausted horse and raisod my hat. The
salutation was acknowledged by the
pale-faced girl to whom it was ad
dressed, but as I observed her closely
I saw that ahe hung her head.
"Miss Mildred, 1 am the bearer of a
message from your father," I said
coldly. "Will you receive it here?"
She nodded, uud leaping from my
horse I walked toward her and paused
beside ber stirrups. Then i repeated
the simple message that her father had
bade me deliver aud placed the silver
dollar iu her hand.
When I finished I retreated a step
or two and watched her expectantly.
In a few moments I saw tho tours
triokliug swiftly down her cheeks.
Then she suddenly swayed iu her sad
dle, and would havo lalleu had I not
assisted her to dismount.
Upon seeing the youug woman iu
my arms her companion, who had
been regarding me with vindictive
eyes, thrust his spurs aguiust his
horse's tides and sturted toward mo
with a curie.
"Be on', or I'll lire 1" ho cried, as
his hand closed upon tho revolver in
his belt.
Without making a reply, I strove to
disengage myself from the arms of the
woman who was now hysterically sob
bing on my breast. Before I was able
to free mysolf, however, his weapon
was levelled at my head. I now per
ceived that any attempt to offer resist
ance would be futile. Resigning my
self to the inevitable, therefore, I
plaoed my arms around the repentant
girl, and, looking hor would-be de
ceiver fairly in the face, I awaited my
fate.
For several moments wo remained
thus, and I sow the eyes and brow of
the Englishman grow gradually darker
and darker.
"Take it, then," ho hissod.
My brain reeled, a sickouing sensa
tion of despair pervaded my body, and
my limbs trembled beneath me.
There was a loud report, but no
flame burst forth from the pistol bar
rel that had threatened me. MoPher
son's weapon foil from his hand. He
reeled in his saddlo and his horse took
fright. With a snort of alarm the
poDy plunged madly forward and
made off, dragging its rider beside it
on tho ground
Dazed and bewildered, I marked its
flight, and as I looked I saw a wo mau
standing a few paoes distant. She, too,
gazed for a few moments after the
disatipearing steed; then she threw
her arm across her face and staggered
toward a pony that was standing near.
This she mounted with difficulty, and
before I had recovered from my be
wilderment she was gone.
I assisted Mildred to the house, and
then went in searoh of Nettie, her
maid. Her room was empty, nor did
I ever see or hear of her again.
On the following day the body of
George McPherson was found on the
shore of a small lake about two miles
away. It was buriod without cero
mony a few hours later near the spot
where it was discovered.
This is tho extent of my knowledge
of the nufortunate man whom you
have sought. I was told by Mildred,
who is now my wife, that he repre
sented himself as being the heir to a
valuable English estate. We seldom
speak of him now, aud my wife knows
littlo more of his antecedents than I
do. Regretting that it has fallen to
me to .communicate to you the melan
choly particulars herein set forth, I
remain, respectfully yours,
' Richard HAnoomiT, M. D.
New York Journal.
SCIENTIFIC AM) IXUUSTRIiL,
No bird can fly backward without
turning. The dragon rly can accom
plish this feat, however, and outstrip
any swallow.
Within the last fifty years the rate
of speed of ocean steamers has trebled
and the usual liorsa power increased
from 700 to 10,000.
Tho difficulty of registering the tem
perature of the bottom of the ocean is
due to the fact that at a great depth
tho thermometers are crushed by the
pressure.
In anew French method thin nickel
tubes are made by depositing nickel
eleotrolytically on a matrix of fusible
metal, then melting out the latter by
immersion in a bath of boili ug oil.
It has been recently established
that the fusel, etc, in raw spirits can
be removed by the introduction of a
current of pure oxygen. The flavor
of the spirit is not only improved, but
its physiological action is muoh amelio
rated. A new bottle is blowu with a solid
neck, the opening being in the bottom
of the bottle, through which it can be
filled, but from which no liquid oan be
drawn, it being ncsessary to break the
neck to remove the contents of the
bottle.
The nearest approach of Mars to the
sun is 129,600,000 miles; his nieau
distance, 141,500,000; his greatest
distance, 151,500,000. Our mean
distance from the sun is about ninety
three million milos. The nearest ap
proaoh of the two planets to each
other is 35,500,000 miles.
Tho eleotrio fnrnace is now being
nsed at Charlottonburg, Germany,
for the production of ammonia and
nitrides. The nitride result from
exposing oxygen compounds of such
elements as silicon, boron, magnesium,
titanium and vanadium to the heat of
a high tension current, in the presenoe
of free nitrogen aud carbon. Treat
ment of the nitrides with steam gives
ammonia and au oxide from which a
nitride may be re-formed as before.
The Walraud Lugeuisel steel process,
which has boen adapted by quite a
number of Europoan firms and by one
American establishment, is said to
diller from the ordinary Bessemer
process iu the addition of ferro silicon
to the metal iu the converter at the
tiuio of flame drop, and by an after
blow burning the silicon to a solid
slajj instead of carbon to a gas. As
the melted metal is usually fluid, it is
especially suitable for steel castings,
which are mado solid and true to
pattern.
Whore the Quakes ( jnie From.
The greatest dopth at which earth
quakes are kno wn to originate is about
thirty miles. It has albo been calcu
lated that a boat sutlioieut to melt
granite might occur at ubout the came
debt.
IHflerciu'C iu Hands.
It is a strange fact that the ri;;ht
hand, which is more sensible to the
touch thau tho loft, is less sensible
(him the lutter to the elluct of heat or
cold. llottou liudget.
The temperate man's pleasures are
durable becatuo they ure regular, aud
all his life is calm aud serene because
it is innocent.
There are from eight to ten species
of silkworms iu this country.
TOE MERRY SIDE i)V LIFE,
8TORIKS THAT ARE TOLD BT THI
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
A Fall A Serious Dflenre Dining
Crushing lllm Satisfied Onlj
One to (o Kotmd. lOto., Ktc.
I had a friond whoso words worn wis",
Whose deeds were alwuvs ur.ind,
And who. It seemed to mo, had Iki?u
For some preat purposo planned.
Dot, on a d iv ho fell in love.
Whereat his wl."dom nd
Alns for all tho foolinh thlnis
That then ho did aud said'
Cleveland Lender.
l)INlN(i.
Lawyer -"But my business is im
portant. WI17 can't I see the judge?"
Servant "His honor is at eteak."
Life.
A BP.MOIH OFKRS'CK.
Magistrate "What is the chargo
against this man ?"
Ollicer - McOobb "Profanity, sor.
He said the polace foorje was a gang
of slobs." Baltimore News.
ONt.V ONE TO OO HOUND.
"If this turkey were alive I'm afraid
he'd be very vain," said the star
boarder.
"Why?" inquired tho slow payer.
"He's made so much of." Puck.
mtisiiiso uim.
Ho "1 suppose that tap-headed
dudo has proposed to you n dozen
timeB?"
She "No ; once was enough. Come
nnd seo us when we get settled."
Detroit Free Press.
FL'TILB At TEMPT.
"Who was your frieud?" askod the
living skeleton, as tho seedy agent
passed out.
"Old schoolmate," said tho legless
song and dance man. "Ho tried to
pnll my arm for a V." Iudiauapolis
Journal.
HE KEPT COl'NT.
At Supper: Tommy's Mother
"Won't you have another bisouit?"
The Favored Guest 'Thank you.
I really dou't know how many I've had
already."
Tommy (enviously) "I do I You'vo
had six."
SATIHPIEO.
Perry Patetio "They say a man
enjoys restin' a whole lot better after
a good, hard day's work."
Wayworn Watson "vVeil, fer all I
know, it may be so; but I ain't rouud
tryin' any dangerous experiments."
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Arrr.R the colleoe vacation.
Esther tat the station) "Glood-b.ye,
old fellow, and let us hear trom you
occasionally when you don't want
money."
Freahinan "All right, father. Rut
let's understand eaoh other. When I
write to you and don't mention money,
you'll understand that I'm hard up."
-Life.
THAT CONFIDENT AIU.
"He's a very entorprisiug young
man," remarked the elderly gentlo
man; "very pushing and ulert. He
belongs to the rising geuoration."
"I shouldn't hve dreamed it," re
plied Miss Cayenne.
"Indeed?"
"No. Fom his mauners I should
not havo hesitated about coucluding
that the risiug geueratiou belonged
o him." Washington Star.
A SCHOLARLY INPEItENCB.
"What," inquired the professor, "is
the lesion couvoyod by the asourtiou
that '.Seven cities claimod the Homer
dead, through which the liviug Homer
begged his bread?''
And tho young mau with his hair
plastered over his temples, replied,
after protracted thought :
"ft shows conclusively tho dime
museum is an institution of great an
tiquity." Wnshiueton Star.
HliR ItKOOKll.
"Might 1 uslt," said tho ludy from
South Auierici. "why that plain per
son ou the far side of tnu room arro
gates unto herself so in my airs?"
".She is a Daughter of the Revolu
tion," said tho one interrogated iu
awed tones. "Her ancestors fought
in the Revolutiou."
"Oh," said tho lady from South
America. "1 uiysjlf am a daughter of
seventeen of them." Iudiauapolis
lournul.
NOT TUU VVOIID.
Tho industrious man had been try
iug bis bot to work while a piano
orgau ou the street poured forth its
dulcet monotouies. The frieud with
an ear for musio came in, aud, after a
pause, exclaimed:
"Dear mo I That musio seems very
familiar."
"Familiar I" was tho response. "By
T.OV0, sir, that isu't the word for it.
It's confoundedly impertinent."
Washington Star.
COUl'ltEllKSISIVB.
He is a mau with u good deal of
pride, and when his Jrieuds jeerod at
bis do,j ho refuted it.
"That's one of tho finest dogs iu tho
country," ho exclaimed. "1 suppose
you'd admire him if he were u St.
Rernnrd?"
"Ceitainly."
"Or a nmstiU?"
"Yes."
"Or a pointer?"
"Of course."
"Or u N'ewfouu.lLiud?"
"Yes."
"Well, theu, you got ui right to
uiuke tuu of him as he is lie's all of
W
A ROUNDEL. OF REST,
If rest is sweet at shut of day
For tlrod hand and tired foot,
How sweet at last to rest forayn.
If rest is sweet!
We work or work not through 1110 hear;
Doath bids us soon our labors lay
In lands where night and twilight meet.
Whon tho last dnwns nro fnllen on grny.
And all life's tolls and easo complete,
Thoy know who work, nor they who piny
If rest is sweot.
Arthur Symous.
HUMOU 01' TIIE DAY
Rho's Inoonsistont. so wo tfet
A laii'h nt her expense:
For when her shos are much too small
You tlnd tier sighs linmus.
y Judge.
"The pun," said so e one to Henry
Erskine, an incurabl at tho practice,
"is the lowest of nil forms of wit."
"And, therefore, the foundation of it
all."
Breathless Hunter "I say, boy, did
you see a rabbit run by here?" Boy
"Yes, sir." Hunter "How long
,go?" Boy "I think it'll bo throe
-years-next Christmas." Tit-Bits.
N'yt is oertuinly wonderful how much
oienoe can do for us." "Yes: Mr.
Frontrow has learned to hypnotize
her baby, and she didn't miss a club
mooting the whole week." Cleveland
Record.
Mrs. Watts "Isn't it n good deal
of annoyance to get your meals at such
irregular bouts?" Hungry Higgins
"The irregular hours ain't so bad as
the irrogulur days." Indianapolis
Journal. ,
Cumso "Tho managers of the elo
voted ore really making efforts to ac
commodate their patrons." Cawkcr
"Aretuey?" "Yes. I counted forty
six new straps iu one car this morn
ing. " Life.
"Are you feeling bettor this morn
ing?" asked Mr. I'ropriety. "in some
ways 1 am and in some ways I'm not,"
answered Bobsly. "Then I sincerely
congratulate you and condole with you,
Mrs. Bobsly. Good morning." De
troit Froe Press.
Fuddy "I wonder that the Spel
tons do not get along bettor thau they
do. Everybody usod to say they were
made for ono auother." Duddy
"H'm I So ! Well, that's partly true.
I know she made for him the first time
she saw him." Boston Transcript.
"It has come at last," sobbed tho
lovely brido of a month ;" the first
quarrel." "What, with your hus
band?" inquired her pitying friond.
"N no," sho faltered, lifting her
tear-steeped eyes ; "much worse with
tho cook I" Now Orleans Timos
Democrat. Tho Living Skeleton "I guess here
is the contortionist you were wanting
right bore in the want column." The
Manager "What does it Bay?'' Tho
Living Skeleton "Wanted Employ
ment by a young man able and willing
to take ouy kind of position. " Indi
anapolis Journal.
A commanding ollicer, addressing
bis men at the conclusion of the lute
Ashanti expedition, exprussed his dis
appointment that they had had no
chance of a light. "But," added he
and ho is not an Irishman "had thcro
been fighting, thero would have been
many absent faces hero to-day."
Household Words.
"George," she said, iu a low voice,
"would you make a ;reat saorillce for
my happiness?" "Cort.uuly, " he re
plied. "Would you give np smoking
for my sake?" "Givo up smoking for
your sake," ho repeated. Then after
a silence, ho exclaimed hoarsely, "I
can refuse you nothing, I will give
up smoking for your sake. Iloreufter
when I smoke it will be for my own
sake." Tit-Bits.
No Right to Complaiu "Do you Be
this pair of trousers you made for me
only six weeks ago?" "Yes, sir. Any
thing wrong with them?" "Nothing,
exoept that thoy 11 10 all worn and
razzled at the bottoms of the legs ami
are shiny all over. That's all." "My
dear sir, I don't think you ought to
kick. The fashion iu trousers has
changed twice since you had those
made." Chicago Tribune.
Struck by Met 'ors.
Somebody has said it is rather cur
ious that in view of tlio number of
meteorites that fall to tho earth every
year no one has ever l.eeu killed or
hurt by one. This is a misttko. In
the year till) a muteorij stone fell iu
China, shattering 11 cart uud killing
ten men. It may be asHorted that tilts
population of tho Mou:;oliau empire is ,
to dunso that it would be ttitU uilt to
miss a Cbiueso. But other couutries
have know n similar accidents. About
the closo of the seventeenth oeutury a
Captam Wilhnaun reported that two
of bis sailors were killed at sea by tho
full of a uiiio-woiuid meteorite.
Not loug after this a monk was killed
near Milan iu the eumo way, while a
meteor which fell near New Concord
iu 1 St!0 broke u railroad tie in two.
Gasp'p'.'s Madn ef I'api'i".
Taper is now being used for under
ground gas pipos iu l'ujlaud. The
material is cellulous papor soaked iu
asphalt. The pipes are sai 1 to bu im
permeable to water uud air, capable
of resisting heavy pressure, not sub
ject to the ordinary causes of deteri
oration, nud Ui). alleotod by the action
of electric currents. Paper collar! are
nsod for tho joints.
Liiuir lliauu Out Cases,
A bankruptcy which otvurrod iu
Hll has just been wound up iu the
Lou lou registrar's c uirt by a paymeut
that brings th-J totil divideu Is up to
ono ceut ou the dollar. A reeeut
iMukrupt at about tho Kune tuuo
idlcred to sell le nt tuo rate of ono-tftoiity-stveuth
of 11 penuy in tho
pouu I, or suvcu tenths ui a ceut to a
dollar.