1 RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Brjnire, one In oh, one rnrertlon. t 1 00 One Square, one Inch, one month. ........... t 00 One Square, one Inch, three month. (0 One Sqoare, one Inch, one ytar IS M Two Suarfe, one year .. U SO Quarter Colnmn, one jeer 0 Half Column, one year M M One Cotnnen, one year ...1M M I-egal tdTertleemenU ten eett. n Use eat la erttoa. Marriage and death notice. frith All bill, for yearly adTeHaaemenai eeUctl qoee. terly. Temporary adrenlaenieaU meet he pad la ad ranee. Job work ah on dettvery. THE FOREST REPUBLICAN ti pnbll.hed every Weitnosday, bf J. E. WENK. Oltloe iu Bmearbaugh & Co.' Building ttH BTUKKT, TIOXESTA, ra. in & Trmi, tl.BO per Year. No mibicrlptlom received for shorter period than three ninnUi. Correspondence .ollelted from all parte of the oiniry. No notice will be taken of anonrmoiis comiuunlcirtlone. VOL. XVIII. NO. 29. TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 1885. $1,50 PER ANNUM. A. mm W K S1LEXT MUSIC. Melodious silonce reigns from hill to hill, For there may be sweet music without sound. The wistful autumn, gold-and-russct gowned, Both all our souls with rhj'thmio fueling fill; On winter tlnys, wlii-n nil is blenk and chill, And oaeh bare limb ii with a snow ridge crowned In tlmt white prospect melodies abound Strains we hear not, but w hich our senses thrill; On still, spring days, when the buds bedeck the tree, And bright green leaves shine through a blossom storm, And In the listless, dreamy, summer days, Nature is rich with silent harmonlos. Beauty is music In whalover shape, It smiles on us in nature's mystic ways, it K. Atunkitlrick, in (rood Cheer. A LITTLE FAMILY AFFAIR. When Eden was electrified by tho op pcaranco upon walls nnd fences of a placard announcing that the "Cecilia Club" would give a concert at Ilaver ford (bix miles nway), and Saul Kit tredgo was tho "basso profondo." West Eden was far, very far, from tho madding crowd, nnd tho entertainments that came within its rango were wont to be of tho burnt cork variety. They savored of the ungodly, and of very humblo social sphere. And Saul was Deacon Kittrcdge's only son, nnd had been expected to follow in his father's footsteps to bo a deacon of tho church, president of tho Kden bank, postmaster of West IMcn (Uie post mastership hud descended to tho deacon from his father and grandfather iindistmbcd by political changes, and the deacon regarded it as a respectable heirloom) and for a wife ho was to take to himself Mary Willctt, tho minister's daughter. All these plans wore waiting for tho baby Saul when he opened his aston ished blinking black ores upon tho troublesome world. Alas! Almost from tho day of their opening tho black eyes took quito different views of life. Bof"ro their owner was five ho had set littlo Mary Willctt down hard in a mud pio, and run off to play with tho disre putable children on "tho Flats." "He's nlwcrs been walkin' tho down ward path," said Deacon Peters (of tho other church) as he stopped for a friendly chat at the undertaker's door on tho day when tho placards appeared. "To think of li s thrashin' tho schoolmaster who was discipiiu' Tildy Rlocomb, one of them Flats children, and then runniu' away with a circus when ho wa'n't but sixteen! And then ho left college against his father's will and tho tirst thing they knew ho was playactin' in a theatre! And he's courtin' Tildy Slocomb, and means to marry her. They say ho prom ised his mother he'd give up tho play actin', but I don't know but this is jest as bad. His fattier has cast him oil and forbid him the house, but he's terribly broke down by it. Well, he's been u prosperous man, Deacon Kittredge has, nnd you can't expect to fly iu the face of Proverduncc every way." "Saul wa'n't never what you could call godly given," said Job Fisher, the undertaker, a fat and jovial man, who was at work upon a willow baby car riage, cradles and baby carriages being cheerfully mingled with the legitimate products of his craft nil over his shop. "But he always seemed to. mo like u skittish colt; there wa'n't nothiu' really wicked about him." "I'm afraid Saul never had any real izin' scuse of solum tilings," said tho deacon. "But there is Deacon Kit tredgo rcadiu' one of tho bills; it is cer tainly a timo to offer Christian sym pathy." "Jt aint playactin'," said the under taker to himst If ns tho deacon departed, "if basso prolundo does sound like swearing', and somehow puts you iu mind of tho bad place; and if nobody else don't, Maria au' I'll go over to hear Saul sing." When Deacon Kittredgo saw tho dea con of tho other church coming toward him he hurried away "I can't talk about it no, 1 can't never talk about it to anybody but tho Lord and Laviny," he murmured to himself. The postotlice was an excrescuco upon the side of tho largo low farmhouse which Dencou Kittrcdge's grandfather had built; an ornamental excrescence, for West Eden was not, after all, so far from the madding crowd but that hints of tho new styles of architecture reached it, and tho postotlice was an aspiring work box bedaubed with fiendish reds and ye'lows, of which tho solid, respect able old liouso looked thoroughly ((shamed. Tho family sitting-room had been tho postotlice, nnd tho new post otlice opened out of it; otherwise she should have died of homesickness after it was built, Mrs. Kittredge declared. Mrs. Kittredge had become lame by reason of chrouic rheumatism, ami was unable to get about much, and if it had not been for tho postotlico she couldn't, as she often declared, have "kept up so with what was goin' cn." She knew whom everybody's letters were from; she sometimes waked the deacon iu tiio dead of night with shrewd guesses as to their contents; und, never theless, she had hailed with delight the advent of postal cards. Of late tho deacon had been ponder ing deeply the reasons why such a judg ment should havo come upon him in the person of his only son, and the suspicion had struck him like a suddeu blow that Laviny was "light-minded." She certainly had not seemed so in her youth; she hud been reckoned a most discreet and proper wife for au incipient deacon. Her lovo of gossip hud been latent until she had passed middle age, but he could seo that it cow increased aonstactly. And it was not tho gossip alone. Ho had lately found under tho cushion of her chair, in a search for '.ion's Afeisenyrr, a paper-covered book with the astonish ing title: "Tho Stolen ISride, or Tho Mystery of the Moat." Laviny was light-minded. Hut Laviny was tho wife of his bosom; ho hurried home to consult with her about this new troublo that had fallen upon them. lie found her perched upon the high stool behind the rows of pigoon-holes in tho postotlice scrutinizing through her glassesthe superscription of a letter. "Nehemiah, Tildy Slocomb has got a lelter, and it's a mnn's writing, but I don't think it's Saul's. Tho postmark beats inc." "1 hear that she has gono to Eden to work in a milliner's shop since her father died," said the deacon. "We must send the letter over." "Xow, it's queer I didn't know she'd gone. Folks won't take the trouble to tell a poor lamo old woman what's goin' on, said Mrs. Kittridgo, plaintively. "And they won't send postal cards; there ain't half so many coin' between here and Eden ns there use 1 to bo." The deacon looked up quickly from the bowed position iu which he had sat down. He had observed that; he had also overheard whispers which led him to think that his wife's curiosity about tho mails was causing dissatisfaction in tho town. Was disgrace in another shape coming upon him in his old ago upon him who had led so upright, so blame less a life? Hut no; he only imagined that because troublo had disturbed his nerves; nobody could suspect Laviny of anything really dishonorable, nnd surely they could bear with her harmless curiosity and gossip. "Laviny, Saul has joined a concert troupe They are going to sing in llaverford to-morrow night; tho bills are posted all over town with 'Saul Kit- tredgo, basso profondo,' on them." ! Mrs. Kittredgo got down painfully from the high ttool a littlo withered j old lady, but with hair that was still j flaxen and childish blue eyes. "Oh, ! Nehemiah, our Saul!" she said, with nj gasp, stretching her littlo trembling i hands out toward him. "But maybe it j ain't so bad. Don't look so, Nehemiah." j Deacon Kittredge groaned. "I don't see why we should have had such a son, Laviny," lie said, shaking his gray head heavily. "But there! it's the Lord's judgment on us, and we must bear it." And the deacon went to his closet, and on his rigid old knees sought to discover tho mcatiing of the Lord's judgment. After supper ho wended his way to the weekly praver meeting. Huldah, tho "help," went too, and Mrs. Kittredgo ' was left alone. j As soon as both were gone, and tho doors fastened behind them, she went j into the postotlice, and took tho letter addressed to Tildy Slycomb again from j its pigeon-hole Tildy Slicomb who had j come of "shiftless" stock, who wore pink i bonnets, and went to dances, and flirted ! with tho stnge-d river. j "If it ain't from Sau!, I want to know it; nnd if it is, seems as if 1 ought to know it. And I never saw a postmark that I couldn't make out before If there was any postal cards to put my mind on, maybe I could stop, thinkin' about it; or if I knew just how it was about Arvilly Wright's beau jiltin' her, but I can't bo took up with that book Miss SkinnerJ brought me, I feel so wicked readin' it; and it don't pay, for there ain't a word of truth in it. 1 should like to know who has written to Tildy Slocomb." She held the letter up between her eyes and the lamp that stood in a bracket on tho wall. "I don't seo why Nehemiah was beut on havin' everything so high up here letter boxes and stools and lamps and all. I'll take tho letter out into tho sittin' rooin. But come to think of it, I should feel kind of awkward hidin' it away, if anybody should happen to come in, und it's warmer and not so lonesome in the kichen." So in the kitchen Mrs. Kittredge went, with the piecious letter hidden under her little worsted capo, although there was nobody to see but Saul's old gray cat, a lineal descendant of the ono that had brought up her family in old Mr. llollis's cottin. The kitchen was a large ono with win dows on two sides. Mrs. Kittredge care fully pulled down the curtains of the two windows whose outside blinds were not closed ; they were not used to coining down, and made very hard work of it, which seemed to give hsr a guilty feel ing. The postmark was so blurred that scarcely u letter was distinguishable. She held the letter up before tho lamp. Her conscience gave twinges, but ono could never discover any secrets in that way only a stray word here and there. One could not discover anything, alas! in this letter; the envelope was too thick, or the outside of the paper was not writ ten upon. Was it Saul's writing? Tho capital letters did not look like his. If she could seo only one word of tho inside! She turned tho letter over. The envel ope had not stuck together all the way across; she slid her linger in, not to open it only enough to see, perchance, a word. Tho paper tore there was a rent an inch long ! She uttered an exclamation of dismay, and looked around her as if there were somebody to see. There was; the blind had been opened, and pressed against the pane wus a face. With a cry of terror she sprang to her feet, dropping the letter on tho tlaor. At the same instant there came a loud knock ut the back door, on the other Bide. It was tho deacon's double knock; and with a feeling of relief Mrs. Kittredgo hurried, as fust us her trembling limbs would carry her, into the littlo back I eu'ry. She called feebly, and the deacon's voice answered, but still she had to lean against the wall for a moment before she could Find strength to unbolt the door, the face was so startling, and it was go terrible to think that somebody had seen her tampering with the letter! Her lingers trembled so that the bolt resisted her efforts. "Good land, Laviny, what is the mat ter?" her husband called, impatiently. When at length the door was opened she fell into his arms, gasping, "Oh. Nehemiah, there's a man looking in at tho window 1 It was Providence that sent you home." "Deacon Siebbins was there to lead, and I heard something that I wanted so much to tell you that I couldn t stay. Never mind about the man let hiin look !" The deacon was in astonishingly good spirits. "At that window, was it? Why, the, blinds are shut. You've been dreaming, Laviny." "The blind was open, and there was a man's face pressed against the window and oh, Nehemiah, the letter is gone!" "What letter?" "I brought Tildy Slocomb's letter out here, just to see if I could make out where it came from, and I tore it a little mite, and he saw me, and he's been in and carried it off I No, I haven't put it in my pocket, nor mislaid it anywhere; it's gone!" The deacon hastened to the wood-shed door; it was open. "And I turned that button the very first thing after Iluldy went outl How could he have got in?" said Mrs. Kit tredge. i The deacon bowed his head upon his hands and groaned. "It couldn't be of any great conse quence, Nehemiah, a letter of Tildy Slo comb's," faltered his wife. "You don't think it's goin' to make great trouble?" "The letter was in our keeping; we must account for it. If nothing was ever said about it, it would be our duty to tell just how it was lost," eiid the deacon. - "I s'pose you're right." said his wife (as she had said a thousand times since their wedding day); "but it's hard; it will look so much as if I meant to open it! Nehemiah, you don't suppose they'll turn us out?" The deacon walked tho floor with great strides. "We shall have lost peo ple's trust; if I am not turned out, I shall give up the office." Ho kept back the reproaches that rose to his lips, but he walked into the sitting-room and closed the door behind him. He opened it soon, however, and said, in a gentler tone, "Laviny, I was going to tell you something that I heard about Saul." The littlo woman hurried to him, her anxious bluo eyes overflowing at the mention of her son's name. "The minister says that the musical company that Saul belongs to is nothing like a minstrel troop; he says it's respect able. He seemed to think we needn't feel so bad about it." I can't think of anything but how Saul will feel if we're turned out of the postotlice. " Mrs. Kittredgo suddenly broke down completely. "If I'd never touched that letter and could have things us they were, I would be willing to swallow even such a bitter pill ns Tildy Slocomb," she sobbed. Then she crept off to bed, and forgot in a few hours' troubled sleep the dismal morrow when all the world would see their fail. All night long the deacon paced the sitting-room floor. His wife found him there when she came down in the cheer less morning, and they looked in each other's faces in dumb misery, each with the same thought by this time every body in West Eden might have heard tho story and seen the torn letter. Huldah came bustling in. "Such do in's!" she exclaimed; "trampin's in the house all night, and track all around the house, and nobody come in! And I dreamed of makin' currant jelly that wouldn't, jell, aud that never failed yet to be a sign of trouble. And why folks should want to stick a letter under tho woodshed door, when we've got a whole postotlice to the front ono, is more'n I know I" Mrs. Kittrcdge's trembling hand snatched the letter which Huldah pro duced. It might be no, it was not Tildy Slocomb's letter. It was addressed, iu pencil, to Mrs. Kittredge: "Mr Dear Mother: It was I who took the letter. I'm sorry I frightened you. I wus sneaking round to get a glimpse of you when father was away, and 1 knew by your curiosity that the letter wus one I had writ ten (a triend directed it forme), and I wanted it back again very much, because well, I hail found out things that made me wish I hadn't written to Tildy Slocomb. I can't write much, because 1 in iu a hurry to get this buck to the place where inaylie you'll look for the lost letter, liecause I'm afraid you may worry about it. But it belonged to me. So it's only a little family affair, and neither Tildy Slouomb nor anybody else need know anything about it. 1 wish 1 dared to ask you and father to come over to llaverford and hear me sing. Mr. Willett and Mary are coming. '"Your affectionate son, "Bali, Kittrkuok." "Hurry up, Maria! There's another carriageful goin' over to llaver ford to hear Saul sing basso pro fondo," called the jovial undertaker to his wife. "And if it ain't I'm blessed if it ain't! the deacon and Mis' Kit tredge eettiu' up as pert as lizards!" Harper Jkuar. "I am just as much opposed to tip pling as anybody," said Fenderson; "but, nevertheless, liquor rightly used is a blessing to humanity. When I was ill last winter 1 actually believe it saved my life." Fogg "Very likely; buthow does that prove that liquor is a blessing to humanity?" Bvston Transcript. Duncan McGregor, the man w ho first lived in the cottage wheru Grunt died, nnd gave the name to the mountain, still lives in the neighborhood. POSTOFFICE PECULATORS. TEE EXPERIENCES OF A VETEBAW INSPECTOR. Thrilling and Sensational Cane A Truthful 'Hi let nlioie Sentence wm. not Carried out. Inspector Adsit, of tho postollico de partment, whose investigation of the mail robberies in this village resulted in the arrest of young Pierce, is ono of the most experienced men on tho force, where he has been employed many years. There are sixty mail inspectors in all, whoso duty it is to "check up" the ac counts of postmasters where negligence or crookedness is suspected, and to fer ret out embezzlement and thieving. The inspecting of postmasters' accounts is comparatively easy, and young men are assigned to it, as the main qualification necessary is an accurate knowledge of bookkeeping. The old hands are em ployed as detectives, and all the quali ties necessary to the spying out of the most intricate cases are required. Inspector Adsit's many years' experi ence, if recorded in the plainest, most unimaginative way, would makeavolumo much more thrilling and sensational than the fanciful detective stories published, while at the same time it would give touches of human nature in its most varied passes. Mr. Adsit, though natur ally uncommunicative, is an old news paper man, and he told one or two of his experiences while enjoying a cigar and waiting for the 11:20 train to his next base of operations in Northern New York. "About two years ago," he said, "I had a job given me in" Michigan which had troubled the department a good deal. They had been losing money from registered letters which must have been taken out by postofiioe clerks at Port Huron or just over the line at Sarnia, and I finally traced it to tho former place. There was a boy sixteen years old who worked through the night at the office, and I had reason to believe that he took the money. I sent four decoy letters from separate stations, mailed so that they would bo sure to pass through his hands on a certain night. In a memo randum book I took a record of the date and number of tho bank bills I put in each one, and made the hand writing in no two letters alike. I de cided then to watch the postoffice all Right to see that no one else went there. The time selected was a bright, moon light night in September, and, as luck would have it, there had bceno Berics of burglaries there just before, including the blowing up of a couple of safes, so that the police were wide awake. 1 be gan on my beat up and down the alley, and soon saw that a country policeman was watching me. It was not very long before he walked up to me and in a very knowing as well as pompous way said : 'Well, where are the rest of your gang? You might as well own up now.' I as surred him that I was not a burglar, but was on to watch the postotlice. 'Come, that's too thin,' he said ; 'I saw the post master himself to night, and he told me to watch the office myself. Come now, g' long with me,' and ho started for the station house. If there is anybody in tht world I don't give a secret to it's a policeman, for they are suro to tell everything they know. So I tried to evade his attempt to discover why I was there. I argued, threatened, showed him my commission and did everything else, and after working for nearly two hours freed myself by consenting to having a man put on to watch" me. And he actually hired a man to watch me on the corner all night I In the morn ing I went into tho postoffice and, find ing the suspected clerk, asked him to show his registered letters. I looked them over and picked out the four I had written. " 'Paul,' taid I, 'now give mo tho money.' lie got mad nnd said he had none. I then made him take off his coat nnd vest, which I searched without suc cess, but found a roll of bills in his trousers. I picked out several, and showing him my memorandum book, made him read and compare the marks on the bills and then on the book for himself. 'You've got mo,' and that is nil he said. I opened my letters and found that he had taken the money from three, and had put back the bills in the fourth. He did not know that I wrote it, aud I asked him why he did not taku the $." in that letter. 'Head it,' he said, push ing it over to me. It read as if from a poor boy about the clerk's age, who was returning f '.25 he had borrowed from a neighbor tuhelp him to a town over the line. It was writteu to his mother and told in a piti ful way how hard be had worked to save it and how he was saving money for her. The letter had touched him, and he left the money. 1 could not tell him that the letter was a fancy of mine to test his conscience. And he is the only one 1 ever arrested whose sentence wus not car ried out. He had so many manly quali ties that the judge held the sentence over him on his good behavior, and the money he didn't steal helped to free him. "The most of tho criminals we find are under thirty years of age, and although there aro a great many women in the de partment, 1 never knew of but two who were dishonest. Ycu see they are not tempted to spend money ns boys aud men are. Extravagance has been the cause of the ruin of almost every ono I have arrested. I believe it was the 6amo thing that led young Pierce to steal, al though this instance is by no means a marked one. He went with the boys who had rich parents aiid could not af ford to keep up with them iu style. "I met with a sad case ut Ypsilauti, Mich,, a few years ago," coutinued Mr. Adsit. "Tho postmaster, who was one of the leading men of tho city in social and religious lile,wds found f'i.SOO short iu his accounts, und 1 hud to light him for nearly twt days to prevent his com mitting Buicide. It wus singular case. He had gone into stock speculation witti the cashier of a bank across the street, and turned over nearly all the large money orders he received for the bank to cash, until it held $2,000 dollars worth of them against the postotlice. He failed in hie speculations and could not meet the orders. I offered to help him make up the deficiency, and advised him to go to friends to borrow and prevent exposure. He confided his case to one man nnd becoming discouraged because he refused to ad vance the money, did not have the face to go elsewhere. The man had lost a leg in the war, was a prominent member of the leading church and was greatly respected in the com munity, so that when I ex- Cosed him at last the public would not clicve he could have done wrong. I was denounced for ruining his rcputa tion, and it was not until the bondsmen were called on to make up the deficiency that people began to find out that I had made no mistake. The exposure led to the prompt discharge of the cashier. I have become accustomsd to such abuse, however, and do not mind much .about it. One would think that this experi ence would harden me, but it doesn't. I hate to expose a man more than you can realize, and I have more sympathy for human nature the more I know about its "failings." Birds and Their Feathers. The best time for seeing perfect feath ering is in the winter, or onward to the spring; then, altera very short honey moon, the birds settle down to domestic drudgery with exemplary ardor, with the result that at the end of a few weeks their tail-feathers are rough and irregu lar, their pinions worn aud ragged from constant contact with the nest in sitting; and by the time their new suit comes at midsummer they are more than ready for it. The spring, of course, is the climax of a bird's life. With scrupulous care he arranges hourly his feathers, all their markings aro seen to perfection, and many peculiarities of decoration are then and then alone displayed. The fleshy combs and protuberances become scarlet and enlarged, and any one who has not seen a pheasant or cock grouse at this season of love would bo aston ished at the alteration from his normal state. The cock pigeon swells that part of his body most adorned with iridescent feathers to make .the grandest show he can ; and every humblo linch and small bird brushcB up his modest finery. It is said that not a single bright-colored feather on any bird's body is left idle or undis played. If birds have bright-colored tails they raise them to their highest and fullest and abase their heads; if bright heads, then they shake out their plumes, their eye distends, aud their wattles swell; and if, as in some cases, they have large tippets of feathers falling on both sides of tho head, they contrive the be wildered hen shall see all the glories of both sides at one glance, and so drag nil the feathers of the far side round to tho near side, making such a huge mass that the face is nearly hidden, aud tho pro jecting beak alone shows where the head must be. All this done for tho hen's benefit, and it is only done when she is near; it all turns on her existence, and ceases if she be absent. Magazine of Art. A Korrohboreo in Australia. After dinner, which was at 0 r. m., we went to see a korroliboree, where the black fellows were encamped at a short distance from the house. There were two tribes of these, and about two hun dred of them in all. They were painted with white and black streaks across the face and chest, aud got up in correct stylo with skins and spears and boomer angs, and by the light of the fires which were kindled in a circle around they looked sufficiently hideous. The tribes danced alternately, and the watchwords of their songs appeared to be half English, half native. A great deal of the action of the dance consisted in striking the ground at the same mo ment, so ns to cause an echoing thud with their feet. One of the repeated actions was to cause tho muscles of tho leg and thitrh to quiver simultaneously from toe to stomach in a most extraor dinary manner. At the end of each figure they brought themselves up with a strange, deep-toned sound, half hur rah, half grunt, "Wir r r wuh!" They would then wheel right across the inclosed space in line, chattering as fast as they could, upon the women who were sitting upon the ground, and also singing a sort of chorus of a few notes; tho line would thcu wheel back, break up in twos aud threes, brandishing their short sticks and clubs over their heads, each man vociferating quickly to his mate, then all of a suddeu these inco hercut sounds would all coalesce together into a chorus, and the band, again united, would cause tho grouud ouce more tovibrate to the reiterated cadence of their stamp. 1'rineei Kdauml und Georn . Mine Ways to Commit Suicide. 1. Wear narrow, thin shoes. 2. Wear a ' snug" corset. ii. Sit up in hot, unvcntiluted rooms till midnight. 4. Sleep on feathers in a small, close room. 5. Eat rich food rapidly nnd at ir regular times. 0. I'secolfee, tea, spirits, aud tobacco. 7. Stuff yourself wjth cuke, confeo tiouery, and sweetmeats, and swallow I few patent medicines to get rid of them. 8. Marry it fashionable wife und livo beyond your income. ti. Employ a fashionable aud needy doctor to attend you in everj blight ail ment. JJiu l.erU "A'mi'.." Candor iu au advertisement: crs taken in." 'Board SONQ FROM "THE MIKADO." As some day it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list I've got a little list Of social offenders who might well be under ground, And who never would be missed who never would be missed I There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs All people who have flabby hands and irrita ting laughs All children who are up in' dates and floor you with 'em, flat All persons who, in shaking hands, Bhake hands with you like that And all third persons who on spoiling tete- a-teles insist; They'd none of 'em be missed they'd none of 'em be missed 1 Chorus He's got 'em on the list he's got 'em on the list; And they'll none of. 'em be missed they'll none of 'em be missed. There's the midnight serenader and the others of his race And the piano organist I've got him "on the list! And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face They never would be missed they never would be missed I Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this and every country but his own; And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy, And "who doesn't think she waltzes, but would rather like to try;" And that lingular anomaly, the lady novel ist I don't think she'd be missed I'm sure she'd not be missed 1 Chorus He's got her on the list he's got her on thelist; And I don't think she'll be missed I'm sure she'll not be missed I - And that nisi prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife, The judicial fhumorist I've got him on the list? All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life They'd none of 'em be missed they'd none of 'em be missed! And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind, Such as what d'ye call him Thing-'em- Bob, and likewise Never-Mind, And 'St 'st 'st and What's-his name, and also You-know-who The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you. But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list, For they'd none of 'em be missed they'd none of 'em be missed ! Chorus You may put 'em on the list you may put 'em on the list; And they'll none of them be missed they'll none of 'em be missed 1 HUMOR OF THE DAY. Established on a sound basis A brass band. The tooth of time One extracted on credit. "The battle is not always to the strong," said tho judge, as he awarded the butter premium at a county fair. St. raid Herald. The latest craze in fancy note paper is a distressingly bright red tint known as El Mahdi. It is unruled, same as El Mahdi was. Boston Post. The man who mnde the mosquito bars Should with the anguls stand, And float around amour, the , A bar) within his J-f ". Eoansville Argus. A learned doctor says: "Keep your infants warm." Yes, warm them up even if you have to wear out ten pairs of old slippers. I'rvcidtnct Star. "Circus Soap" is advertised. AVe sus pect its manufacture is controlled by a ring, and the article is used principally for washing "tumblers." Norristoien Herald. HE'S ALWAYS O.N HAND. When aid to anyone you loud And you are cheated, lo! How ipiicklv conies ulon a friend TO iy, 1 told yoi- so!" UoHlon Courier. Nautical Husband (jokingly) Oh, I'm the mainstay of the family. Wifo Yes, and the jibboon, and the and the Small boy (from experience) Aud the spanker, too, mamma. Worcester Ga zette. "Whenever I seo you, Herr Muller, I cannot help thinking of tho thirty marks 1 lent you a year ago!" "Strange how people differ ! I forget them regularly every timo I meet you!" Fliejend6 BlaetUr. Au Augusta, Ga., man is training monkeys to play baseball. The beauty of a monkey baseball player is that if he muffs a ball with his lirst pair of hands ho can catch it with his second. Bur liiujton Free Pren. Mrs. Fresh Won't you pleaso favor us with a song, Miss Porterhouse? Miss Porterhouse Really, Mrs. Fresh, 1 am in very poor voico to-niuht, und 1 fear I cannot give satisfaction. "Oh, never mind that! Everybody is so dull to Dight, and I havo noticed that singing will always start conversation. No one will listen to you ut all." 1'Uila telphiit CaC. , Now doth the maiden forthwith go Through autumn liuMs to roam, To gatliei parti colored leaves Aud bear them to her home. Hour al ter hour she picks them up, I'ntil she weary grows. And in h'r back, ih,-i n (Mines a creak, And wind nippvd U licrnose. Then the the leaves doth press bt tWDen The pact's ut m iiu book, And ul them from thin tune, lifii efurlli, loth never take a look. Boston (iiicrf 'e.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers