1
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
One Brjnire, one In oh, one rnrertlon. t 1 00
One Square, one Inch, one month. ........... t 00
One Square, one Inch, three month. (0
One Sqoare, one Inch, one ytar IS M
Two Suarfe, one year .. U SO
Quarter Colnmn, one jeer 0
Half Column, one year M M
One Cotnnen, one year ...1M M
I-egal tdTertleemenU ten eett. n Use eat la
erttoa.
Marriage and death notice. frith
All bill, for yearly adTeHaaemenai eeUctl qoee.
terly. Temporary adrenlaenieaU meet he pad la
ad ranee.
Job work ah on dettvery.
THE FOREST REPUBLICAN
ti pnbll.hed every Weitnosday, bf
J. E. WENK.
Oltloe iu Bmearbaugh & Co.' Building
ttH BTUKKT, TIOXESTA, ra.
in
&
Trmi,
tl.BO per Year.
No mibicrlptlom received for shorter period
than three ninnUi.
Correspondence .ollelted from all parte of the
oiniry. No notice will be taken of anonrmoiis
comiuunlcirtlone.
VOL. XVIII. NO. 29.
TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 1885.
$1,50 PER ANNUM.
A.
mm
W K
S1LEXT MUSIC.
Melodious silonce reigns from hill to hill,
For there may be sweet music without
sound.
The wistful autumn, gold-and-russct
gowned,
Both all our souls with rhj'thmio fueling fill;
On winter tlnys, wlii-n nil is blenk and chill,
And oaeh bare limb ii with a snow ridge
crowned
In tlmt white prospect melodies abound
Strains we hear not, but w hich our senses
thrill;
On still, spring days, when the buds bedeck
the tree,
And bright green leaves shine through a
blossom storm,
And In the listless, dreamy, summer days,
Nature is rich with silent harmonlos.
Beauty is music In whalover shape,
It smiles on us in nature's mystic ways,
it K. Atunkitlrick, in (rood Cheer.
A LITTLE FAMILY AFFAIR.
When Eden was electrified by tho op
pcaranco upon walls nnd fences of a
placard announcing that the "Cecilia
Club" would give a concert at Ilaver
ford (bix miles nway), and Saul Kit
tredgo was tho "basso profondo."
West Eden was far, very far, from tho
madding crowd, nnd tho entertainments
that came within its rango were wont to
be of tho burnt cork variety. They
savored of the ungodly, and of very
humblo social sphere. And Saul was
Deacon Kittrcdge's only son, nnd had
been expected to follow in his father's
footsteps to bo a deacon of tho church,
president of tho Kden bank, postmaster
of West IMcn (Uie post mastership hud
descended to tho deacon from his father
and grandfather iindistmbcd by political
changes, and the deacon regarded it as
a respectable heirloom) and for a wife ho
was to take to himself Mary Willctt, tho
minister's daughter.
All these plans wore waiting for tho
baby Saul when he opened his aston
ished blinking black ores upon tho
troublesome world. Alas! Almost
from tho day of their opening tho black
eyes took quito different views of life.
Bof"ro their owner was five ho had set
littlo Mary Willctt down hard in a mud
pio, and run off to play with tho disre
putable children on "tho Flats."
"He's nlwcrs been walkin' tho down
ward path," said Deacon Peters (of tho
other church) as he stopped for a friendly
chat at the undertaker's door on tho day
when tho placards appeared. "To
think of li s thrashin' tho schoolmaster
who was discipiiu' Tildy Rlocomb, one
of them Flats children, and then runniu'
away with a circus when ho wa'n't
but sixteen! And then ho left college
against his father's will and tho tirst thing
they knew ho was playactin' in a theatre!
And he's courtin' Tildy Slocomb, and
means to marry her. They say ho prom
ised his mother he'd give up tho play
actin', but I don't know but this is jest
as bad. His fattier has cast him oil and
forbid him the house, but he's terribly
broke down by it. Well, he's been u
prosperous man, Deacon Kittredge has,
nnd you can't expect to fly iu the face of
Proverduncc every way."
"Saul wa'n't never what you could
call godly given," said Job Fisher, the
undertaker, a fat and jovial man, who
was at work upon a willow baby car
riage, cradles and baby carriages being
cheerfully mingled with the legitimate
products of his craft nil over his shop.
"But he always seemed to. mo like u
skittish colt; there wa'n't nothiu' really
wicked about him."
"I'm afraid Saul never had any real
izin' scuse of solum tilings," said tho
deacon. "But there is Deacon Kit
tredgo rcadiu' one of tho bills; it is cer
tainly a timo to offer Christian sym
pathy." "Jt aint playactin'," said the under
taker to himst If ns tho deacon departed,
"if basso prolundo does sound like
swearing', and somehow puts you iu
mind of tho bad place; and if nobody
else don't, Maria au' I'll go over to hear
Saul sing."
When Deacon Kittredgo saw tho dea
con of tho other church coming toward
him he hurried away "I can't talk
about it no, 1 can't never talk about it
to anybody but tho Lord and Laviny,"
he murmured to himself.
The postotlice was an excrescuco upon
the side of tho largo low farmhouse
which Dencou Kittrcdge's grandfather
had built; an ornamental excrescence,
for West Eden was not, after all, so far
from the madding crowd but that hints
of tho new styles of architecture reached
it, and tho postotlice was an aspiring
work box bedaubed with fiendish reds
and ye'lows, of which tho solid, respect
able old liouso looked thoroughly
((shamed. Tho family sitting-room had
been tho postotlice, nnd tho new post
otlice opened out of it; otherwise she
should have died of homesickness after
it was built, Mrs. Kittredge declared.
Mrs. Kittredge had become lame by
reason of chrouic rheumatism, ami was
unable to get about much, and if it had
not been for tho postotlico she couldn't,
as she often declared, have "kept up so
with what was goin' cn."
She knew whom everybody's letters
were from; she sometimes waked the
deacon iu tiio dead of night with shrewd
guesses as to their contents; und, never
theless, she had hailed with delight the
advent of postal cards.
Of late tho deacon had been ponder
ing deeply the reasons why such a judg
ment should havo come upon him in the
person of his only son, and the suspicion
had struck him like a suddeu blow that
Laviny was "light-minded."
She certainly had not seemed so in her
youth; she hud been reckoned a most
discreet and proper wife for au incipient
deacon. Her lovo of gossip hud been
latent until she had passed middle age,
but he could seo that it cow increased
aonstactly.
And it was not tho gossip alone. Ho
had lately found under tho cushion of
her chair, in a search for '.ion's Afeisenyrr,
a paper-covered book with the astonish
ing title: "Tho Stolen ISride, or Tho
Mystery of the Moat."
Laviny was light-minded.
Hut Laviny was tho wife of his bosom;
ho hurried home to consult with her
about this new troublo that had fallen
upon them.
lie found her perched upon the high
stool behind the rows of pigoon-holes in
tho postotlice scrutinizing through her
glassesthe superscription of a letter.
"Nehemiah, Tildy Slocomb has got a
lelter, and it's a mnn's writing, but I
don't think it's Saul's. Tho postmark
beats inc."
"1 hear that she has gono to Eden to
work in a milliner's shop since her father
died," said the deacon. "We must send
the letter over."
"Xow, it's queer I didn't know she'd
gone. Folks won't take the trouble to
tell a poor lamo old woman what's goin'
on, said Mrs. Kittridgo, plaintively.
"And they won't send postal cards; there
ain't half so many coin' between here and
Eden ns there use 1 to bo."
The deacon looked up quickly from
the bowed position iu which he had sat
down. He had observed that; he had
also overheard whispers which led him
to think that his wife's curiosity about
tho mails was causing dissatisfaction in
tho town. Was disgrace in another shape
coming upon him in his old ago upon
him who had led so upright, so blame
less a life?
Hut no; he only imagined that because
troublo had disturbed his nerves; nobody
could suspect Laviny of anything really
dishonorable, nnd surely they could bear
with her harmless curiosity and gossip.
"Laviny, Saul has joined a concert
troupe They are going to sing in
llaverford to-morrow night; tho bills are
posted all over town with 'Saul Kit-
tredgo, basso profondo,' on them." !
Mrs. Kittredgo got down painfully
from the high ttool a littlo withered j
old lady, but with hair that was still j
flaxen and childish blue eyes. "Oh, !
Nehemiah, our Saul!" she said, with nj
gasp, stretching her littlo trembling i
hands out toward him. "But maybe it j
ain't so bad. Don't look so, Nehemiah." j
Deacon Kittredge groaned. "I don't
see why we should have had such a son,
Laviny," lie said, shaking his gray head
heavily. "But there! it's the Lord's
judgment on us, and we must bear it."
And the deacon went to his closet, and
on his rigid old knees sought to discover
tho mcatiing of the Lord's judgment.
After supper ho wended his way to the
weekly praver meeting. Huldah, tho
"help," went too, and Mrs. Kittredgo '
was left alone. j
As soon as both were gone, and tho
doors fastened behind them, she went j
into the postotlice, and took tho letter
addressed to Tildy Slycomb again from j
its pigeon-hole Tildy Slicomb who had j
come of "shiftless" stock, who wore pink i
bonnets, and went to dances, and flirted !
with tho stnge-d river. j
"If it ain't from Sau!, I want to
know it; nnd if it is, seems as if 1
ought to know it. And I never saw a
postmark that I couldn't make out
before If there was any postal cards to
put my mind on, maybe I could stop,
thinkin' about it; or if I knew just how
it was about Arvilly Wright's beau jiltin'
her, but I can't bo took up with that
book Miss SkinnerJ brought me, I feel so
wicked readin' it; and it don't pay, for
there ain't a word of truth in it. 1 should
like to know who has written to Tildy
Slocomb."
She held the letter up between her
eyes and the lamp that stood in a bracket
on tho wall.
"I don't seo why Nehemiah was beut
on havin' everything so high up here
letter boxes and stools and lamps and all.
I'll take tho letter out into tho sittin'
rooin. But come to think of it, I should
feel kind of awkward hidin' it away, if
anybody should happen to come in, und
it's warmer and not so lonesome in the
kichen."
So in the kitchen Mrs. Kittredge went,
with the piecious letter hidden under
her little worsted capo, although there
was nobody to see but Saul's old gray
cat, a lineal descendant of the ono that
had brought up her family in old Mr.
llollis's cottin.
The kitchen was a large ono with win
dows on two sides. Mrs. Kittredge care
fully pulled down the curtains of the
two windows whose outside blinds were
not closed ; they were not used to coining
down, and made very hard work of it,
which seemed to give hsr a guilty feel
ing. The postmark was so blurred that
scarcely u letter was distinguishable.
She held the letter up before tho lamp.
Her conscience gave twinges, but ono
could never discover any secrets in that
way only a stray word here and there.
One could not discover anything, alas!
in this letter; the envelope was too thick,
or the outside of the paper was not writ
ten upon.
Was it Saul's writing? Tho capital
letters did not look like his. If she
could seo only one word of tho inside!
She turned tho letter over. The envel
ope had not stuck together all the way
across; she slid her linger in, not to
open it only enough to see, perchance,
a word.
Tho paper tore there was a rent an
inch long !
She uttered an exclamation of dismay,
and looked around her as if there were
somebody to see. There was; the blind
had been opened, and pressed against
the pane wus a face.
With a cry of terror she sprang to her
feet, dropping the letter on tho tlaor. At
the same instant there came a loud knock
ut the back door, on the other Bide. It
was tho deacon's double knock; and
with a feeling of relief Mrs. Kittredgo
hurried, as fust us her trembling limbs
would carry her, into the littlo back
I eu'ry.
She called feebly, and the deacon's
voice answered, but still she had to lean
against the wall for a moment before
she could Find strength to unbolt the
door, the face was so startling, and it
was go terrible to think that somebody
had seen her tampering with the letter!
Her lingers trembled so that the bolt
resisted her efforts.
"Good land, Laviny, what is the mat
ter?" her husband called, impatiently.
When at length the door was opened
she fell into his arms, gasping, "Oh.
Nehemiah, there's a man looking in at
tho window 1 It was Providence that
sent you home."
"Deacon Siebbins was there to lead,
and I heard something that I wanted so
much to tell you that I couldn t stay.
Never mind about the man let hiin
look !" The deacon was in astonishingly
good spirits. "At that window, was
it? Why, the, blinds are shut. You've
been dreaming, Laviny."
"The blind was open, and there was a
man's face pressed against the window
and oh, Nehemiah, the letter is gone!"
"What letter?"
"I brought Tildy Slocomb's letter out
here, just to see if I could make out
where it came from, and I tore it a little
mite, and he saw me, and he's been in
and carried it off I No, I haven't put it
in my pocket, nor mislaid it anywhere;
it's gone!"
The deacon hastened to the wood-shed
door; it was open.
"And I turned that button the very
first thing after Iluldy went outl How
could he have got in?" said Mrs. Kit
tredge. i
The deacon bowed his head upon his
hands and groaned.
"It couldn't be of any great conse
quence, Nehemiah, a letter of Tildy Slo
comb's," faltered his wife. "You don't
think it's goin' to make great trouble?"
"The letter was in our keeping; we
must account for it. If nothing was
ever said about it, it would be our duty
to tell just how it was lost," eiid the
deacon. -
"I s'pose you're right." said his wife
(as she had said a thousand times since
their wedding day); "but it's hard; it
will look so much as if I meant to open
it! Nehemiah, you don't suppose they'll
turn us out?"
The deacon walked tho floor with
great strides. "We shall have lost peo
ple's trust; if I am not turned out, I
shall give up the office." Ho kept back
the reproaches that rose to his lips, but
he walked into the sitting-room and
closed the door behind him. He opened
it soon, however, and said, in a gentler
tone, "Laviny, I was going to tell you
something that I heard about Saul."
The littlo woman hurried to him, her
anxious bluo eyes overflowing at the
mention of her son's name.
"The minister says that the musical
company that Saul belongs to is nothing
like a minstrel troop; he says it's respect
able. He seemed to think we needn't
feel so bad about it."
I can't think of anything but how
Saul will feel if we're turned out of the
postotlice. "
Mrs. Kittredgo suddenly broke down
completely. "If I'd never touched that
letter and could have things us they
were, I would be willing to swallow even
such a bitter pill ns Tildy Slocomb," she
sobbed. Then she crept off to bed, and
forgot in a few hours' troubled sleep the
dismal morrow when all the world would
see their fail.
All night long the deacon paced the
sitting-room floor. His wife found him
there when she came down in the cheer
less morning, and they looked in each
other's faces in dumb misery, each with
the same thought by this time every
body in West Eden might have heard
tho story and seen the torn letter.
Huldah came bustling in. "Such do
in's!" she exclaimed; "trampin's in the
house all night, and track all around the
house, and nobody come in! And I
dreamed of makin' currant jelly that
wouldn't, jell, aud that never failed yet
to be a sign of trouble. And why folks
should want to stick a letter under tho
woodshed door, when we've got a whole
postotlice to the front ono, is more'n I
know I"
Mrs. Kittrcdge's trembling hand
snatched the letter which Huldah pro
duced. It might be no, it was not
Tildy Slocomb's letter. It was addressed,
iu pencil, to Mrs. Kittredge:
"Mr Dear Mother: It was I who took
the letter. I'm sorry I frightened you. I
wus sneaking round to get a glimpse of you
when father was away, and 1 knew by your
curiosity that the letter wus one I had writ
ten (a triend directed it forme), and I wanted
it back again very much, because well, I
hail found out things that made me wish I
hadn't written to Tildy Slocomb. I can't
write much, because 1 in iu a hurry to get
this buck to the place where inaylie you'll
look for the lost letter, liecause I'm afraid you
may worry about it. But it belonged to me.
So it's only a little family affair, and neither
Tildy Slouomb nor anybody else need know
anything about it. 1 wish 1 dared to ask you
and father to come over to llaverford and
hear me sing. Mr. Willett and Mary are
coming.
'"Your affectionate son,
"Bali, Kittrkuok."
"Hurry up, Maria! There's another
carriageful goin' over to llaver
ford to hear Saul sing basso pro
fondo," called the jovial undertaker to
his wife. "And if it ain't I'm blessed
if it ain't! the deacon and Mis' Kit
tredge eettiu' up as pert as lizards!"
Harper Jkuar.
"I am just as much opposed to tip
pling as anybody," said Fenderson;
"but, nevertheless, liquor rightly used
is a blessing to humanity. When I was
ill last winter 1 actually believe it saved
my life." Fogg "Very likely; buthow
does that prove that liquor is a blessing
to humanity?" Bvston Transcript.
Duncan McGregor, the man w ho first
lived in the cottage wheru Grunt died,
nnd gave the name to the mountain, still
lives in the neighborhood.
POSTOFFICE PECULATORS.
TEE EXPERIENCES OF A VETEBAW
INSPECTOR.
Thrilling and Sensational Cane A
Truthful 'Hi let nlioie Sentence
wm. not Carried out.
Inspector Adsit, of tho postollico de
partment, whose investigation of the
mail robberies in this village resulted in
the arrest of young Pierce, is ono of the
most experienced men on tho force,
where he has been employed many years.
There are sixty mail inspectors in all,
whoso duty it is to "check up" the ac
counts of postmasters where negligence
or crookedness is suspected, and to fer
ret out embezzlement and thieving. The
inspecting of postmasters' accounts is
comparatively easy, and young men are
assigned to it, as the main qualification
necessary is an accurate knowledge of
bookkeeping. The old hands are em
ployed as detectives, and all the quali
ties necessary to the spying out of the
most intricate cases are required.
Inspector Adsit's many years' experi
ence, if recorded in the plainest, most
unimaginative way, would makeavolumo
much more thrilling and sensational than
the fanciful detective stories published,
while at the same time it would give
touches of human nature in its most
varied passes. Mr. Adsit, though natur
ally uncommunicative, is an old news
paper man, and he told one or two of
his experiences while enjoying a cigar
and waiting for the 11:20 train to his
next base of operations in Northern New
York.
"About two years ago," he said, "I
had a job given me in" Michigan which
had troubled the department a good
deal. They had been losing money from
registered letters which must have been
taken out by postofiioe clerks at Port
Huron or just over the line at Sarnia, and
I finally traced it to tho former place.
There was a boy sixteen years old who
worked through the night at the office,
and I had reason to believe that he took
the money. I sent four decoy letters
from separate stations, mailed so that
they would bo sure to pass through his
hands on a certain night. In a memo
randum book I took a record of the date
and number of tho bank bills I put in
each one, and made the hand
writing in no two letters alike. I de
cided then to watch the postoffice all
Right to see that no one else went there.
The time selected was a bright, moon
light night in September, and, as luck
would have it, there had bceno Berics of
burglaries there just before, including
the blowing up of a couple of safes, so
that the police were wide awake. 1 be
gan on my beat up and down the alley,
and soon saw that a country policeman
was watching me. It was not very long
before he walked up to me and in a very
knowing as well as pompous way said :
'Well, where are the rest of your gang?
You might as well own up now.' I as
surred him that I was not a burglar, but
was on to watch the postotlice. 'Come,
that's too thin,' he said ; 'I saw the post
master himself to night, and he told me
to watch the office myself. Come now,
g' long with me,' and ho started for the
station house. If there is anybody in
tht world I don't give a secret to it's a
policeman, for they are suro to tell
everything they know. So I tried to evade
his attempt to discover why I was there.
I argued, threatened, showed him my
commission and did everything else, and
after working for nearly two hours freed
myself by consenting to having a man
put on to watch" me. And he
actually hired a man to watch me
on the corner all night I In the morn
ing I went into tho postoffice and, find
ing the suspected clerk, asked him to
show his registered letters. I looked
them over and picked out the four I had
written.
" 'Paul,' taid I, 'now give mo tho
money.' lie got mad nnd said he had
none. I then made him take off his coat
nnd vest, which I searched without suc
cess, but found a roll of bills in his
trousers. I picked out several, and
showing him my memorandum book,
made him read and compare the marks
on the bills and then on the book for
himself. 'You've got mo,' and that is nil
he said. I opened my letters and found
that he had taken the money from three,
and had put back the bills in the fourth.
He did not know that I wrote it, aud I
asked him why he did not taku the $."
in that letter. 'Head it,' he said, push
ing it over to me.
It read as if from a poor boy about
the clerk's age, who was returning f '.25
he had borrowed from a neighbor tuhelp
him to a town over the line. It was
writteu to his mother and told in a piti
ful way how hard be had worked to save
it and how he was saving money for her.
The letter had touched him, and he left
the money. 1 could not tell him that the
letter was a fancy of mine to test his
conscience. And he is the only one 1
ever arrested whose sentence wus not car
ried out. He had so many manly quali
ties that the judge held the sentence over
him on his good behavior, and the money
he didn't steal helped to free him.
"The most of tho criminals we find are
under thirty years of age, and although
there aro a great many women in the de
partment, 1 never knew of but two who
were dishonest. Ycu see they are not
tempted to spend money ns boys aud
men are. Extravagance has been the
cause of the ruin of almost every ono I
have arrested. I believe it was the 6amo
thing that led young Pierce to steal, al
though this instance is by no means a
marked one. He went with the boys
who had rich parents aiid could not af
ford to keep up with them iu style.
"I met with a sad case ut Ypsilauti,
Mich,, a few years ago," coutinued Mr.
Adsit. "Tho postmaster, who was one
of the leading men of tho city in social
and religious lile,wds found f'i.SOO short
iu his accounts, und 1 hud to light him
for nearly twt days to prevent his com
mitting Buicide. It wus singular case.
He had gone into stock speculation
witti the cashier of a bank across the
street, and turned over nearly all the
large money orders he received for the
bank to cash, until it held $2,000
dollars worth of them against
the postotlice. He failed in hie
speculations and could not meet the
orders. I offered to help him make up
the deficiency, and advised him to go to
friends to borrow and prevent
exposure. He confided his case
to one man nnd becoming
discouraged because he refused to ad
vance the money, did not have the face
to go elsewhere. The man had lost a
leg in the war, was a prominent member
of the leading church and
was greatly respected in the com
munity, so that when I ex-
Cosed him at last the public would not
clicve he could have done wrong. I
was denounced for ruining his rcputa
tion, and it was not until the bondsmen
were called on to make up the deficiency
that people began to find out that I had
made no mistake. The exposure led to
the prompt discharge of the cashier. I
have become accustomsd to such abuse,
however, and do not mind much .about
it. One would think that this experi
ence would harden me, but it doesn't.
I hate to expose a man more than you
can realize, and I have more sympathy
for human nature the more I know about
its "failings."
Birds and Their Feathers.
The best time for seeing perfect feath
ering is in the winter, or onward to the
spring; then, altera very short honey
moon, the birds settle down to domestic
drudgery with exemplary ardor, with the
result that at the end of a few weeks
their tail-feathers are rough and irregu
lar, their pinions worn aud ragged from
constant contact with the nest in sitting;
and by the time their new suit comes at
midsummer they are more than ready for
it. The spring, of course, is the climax
of a bird's life. With scrupulous care
he arranges hourly his feathers, all their
markings aro seen to perfection, and
many peculiarities of decoration are
then and then alone displayed. The
fleshy combs and protuberances become
scarlet and enlarged, and any one who
has not seen a pheasant or cock grouse
at this season of love would bo aston
ished at the alteration from his
normal state. The cock pigeon
swells that part of his body
most adorned with iridescent feathers to
make .the grandest show he can ; and
every humblo linch and small bird
brushcB up his modest finery. It is said
that not a single bright-colored feather
on any bird's body is left idle or undis
played. If birds have bright-colored
tails they raise them to their highest and
fullest and abase their heads; if bright
heads, then they shake out their plumes,
their eye distends, aud their wattles
swell; and if, as in some cases, they have
large tippets of feathers falling on both
sides of tho head, they contrive the be
wildered hen shall see all the glories of
both sides at one glance, and so drag nil
the feathers of the far side round to tho
near side, making such a huge mass that
the face is nearly hidden, aud tho pro
jecting beak alone shows where the head
must be. All this done for tho hen's
benefit, and it is only done when she is
near; it all turns on her existence, and
ceases if she be absent. Magazine of
Art.
A Korrohboreo in Australia.
After dinner, which was at 0 r. m., we
went to see a korroliboree, where the
black fellows were encamped at a short
distance from the house. There were
two tribes of these, and about two hun
dred of them in all. They were painted
with white and black streaks across the
face and chest, aud got up in correct
stylo with skins and spears and boomer
angs, and by the light of the fires which
were kindled in a circle around they
looked sufficiently hideous.
The tribes danced alternately, and the
watchwords of their songs appeared to
be half English, half native. A great
deal of the action of the dance consisted
in striking the ground at the same mo
ment, so ns to cause an echoing thud
with their feet. One of the repeated
actions was to cause tho muscles of tho
leg and thitrh to quiver simultaneously
from toe to stomach in a most extraor
dinary manner. At the end of each
figure they brought themselves up with
a strange, deep-toned sound, half hur
rah, half grunt, "Wir r r wuh!"
They would then wheel right across
the inclosed space in line, chattering as
fast as they could, upon the women who
were sitting upon the ground, and also
singing a sort of chorus of a few notes;
tho line would thcu wheel back, break
up in twos aud threes, brandishing their
short sticks and clubs over their heads,
each man vociferating quickly to his
mate, then all of a suddeu these inco
hercut sounds would all coalesce together
into a chorus, and the band, again
united, would cause tho grouud ouce
more tovibrate to the reiterated cadence
of their stamp. 1'rineei Kdauml und
Georn .
Mine Ways to Commit Suicide.
1. Wear narrow, thin shoes.
2. Wear a ' snug" corset.
ii. Sit up in hot, unvcntiluted rooms
till midnight.
4. Sleep on feathers in a small, close
room.
5. Eat rich food rapidly nnd at ir
regular times.
0. I'secolfee, tea, spirits, aud tobacco.
7. Stuff yourself wjth cuke, confeo
tiouery, and sweetmeats, and swallow I
few patent medicines to get rid of them.
8. Marry it fashionable wife und livo
beyond your income.
ti. Employ a fashionable aud needy
doctor to attend you in everj blight ail
ment. JJiu l.erU "A'mi'.."
Candor iu au advertisement:
crs taken in."
'Board
SONQ FROM "THE MIKADO."
As some day it may happen that a victim
must be found,
I've got a little list I've got a little list
Of social offenders who might well be under
ground,
And who never would be missed who
never would be missed I
There's the pestilential nuisances who write
for autographs
All people who have flabby hands and irrita
ting laughs
All children who are up in' dates and floor
you with 'em, flat
All persons who, in shaking hands, Bhake
hands with you like that
And all third persons who on spoiling tete-
a-teles insist;
They'd none of 'em be missed they'd none
of 'em be missed 1
Chorus He's got 'em on the list he's got
'em on the list;
And they'll none of. 'em be missed
they'll none of 'em be missed.
There's the midnight serenader and the
others of his race
And the piano organist I've got him "on
the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff
it in your face
They never would be missed they never
would be missed I
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic
tone,
All centuries but this and every country but
his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses
like a guy,
And "who doesn't think she waltzes, but
would rather like to try;"
And that lingular anomaly, the lady novel
ist I don't think she'd be missed I'm sure
she'd not be missed 1
Chorus He's got her on the list he's got her
on thelist;
And I don't think she'll be missed
I'm sure she'll not be missed I -
And that nisi prius nuisance, who just now
is rather rife,
The judicial fhumorist I've got him on the
list?
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of
private life
They'd none of 'em be missed they'd none
of 'em be missed!
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising
kind,
Such as what d'ye call him Thing-'em-
Bob, and likewise Never-Mind,
And 'St 'st 'st and What's-his name, and
also You-know-who
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather
leave to you.
But it really doesn't matter whom you put
upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed they'd
none of 'em be missed !
Chorus You may put 'em on the list you
may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of them be missed
they'll none of 'em be missed 1
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Established on a sound basis A brass
band.
The tooth of time One extracted on
credit.
"The battle is not always to the
strong," said tho judge, as he awarded
the butter premium at a county fair.
St. raid Herald.
The latest craze in fancy note paper is
a distressingly bright red tint known as
El Mahdi. It is unruled, same as El
Mahdi was. Boston Post.
The man who mnde the mosquito bars
Should with the anguls stand,
And float around amour, the ,
A bar) within his J-f ".
Eoansville Argus.
A learned doctor says: "Keep your
infants warm." Yes, warm them up
even if you have to wear out ten pairs of
old slippers. I'rvcidtnct Star.
"Circus Soap" is advertised. AVe sus
pect its manufacture is controlled by a
ring, and the article is used principally
for washing "tumblers." Norristoien
Herald.
HE'S ALWAYS O.N HAND.
When aid to anyone you loud
And you are cheated, lo!
How ipiicklv conies ulon a friend
TO iy, 1 told yoi- so!"
UoHlon Courier.
Nautical Husband (jokingly) Oh, I'm
the mainstay of the family. Wifo Yes,
and the jibboon, and the and the
Small boy (from experience) Aud the
spanker, too, mamma. Worcester Ga
zette. "Whenever I seo you, Herr Muller, I
cannot help thinking of tho thirty marks
1 lent you a year ago!" "Strange how
people differ ! I forget them regularly
every timo I meet you!" Fliejend6
BlaetUr.
Au Augusta, Ga., man is training
monkeys to play baseball. The beauty
of a monkey baseball player is that if he
muffs a ball with his lirst pair of hands
ho can catch it with his second. Bur
liiujton Free Pren.
Mrs. Fresh Won't you pleaso favor
us with a song, Miss Porterhouse? Miss
Porterhouse Really, Mrs. Fresh, 1 am
in very poor voico to-niuht, und 1 fear I
cannot give satisfaction. "Oh, never
mind that! Everybody is so dull to
Dight, and I havo noticed that singing
will always start conversation. No one
will listen to you ut all." 1'Uila telphiit
CaC. ,
Now doth the maiden forthwith go
Through autumn liuMs to roam,
To gatliei parti colored leaves
Aud bear them to her home.
Hour al ter hour she picks them up,
I'ntil she weary grows.
And in h'r back, ih,-i n (Mines a creak,
And wind nippvd U licrnose.
Then the the leaves doth press bt tWDen
The pact's ut m iiu book,
And ul them from thin tune, lifii efurlli,
loth never take a look.
Boston (iiicrf 'e.