THE F0RE.4T EEFBBLICaI In It pnMlnhort art rjr Wedaesday, hf J. Z. WENK. Ollioein Smenrbaugh & Co.'a Bulldfng KLM BTRKKT, TIONKSTA, Pa. Terms, - - $1.00 per Year. No nb.crlptloTi received, for a iborter period linn Ihrea tuunUi. O.irrMeonrtcncc solicited from all harta ef the country. No notice will bt taken of aoonmou. coimimnlcat.loiia. . , . RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Square, on rneh, one Insertion. $ 1 o One Square, one Inch, one month II 00 One Square, one Inch, thrco month. (CO One pqnare, one Inch, one year In OC Two quar"., one yeir U 03 (Junrtor Column, one J ear ID 00 Half Column, one year N to Ono Colnmn, one jo ir 1M SJ I.eeal adverUat-mentt Ion cent! r line each In aerllon. Marriage and death notices jrratla. All bills for yearly adVerUcrnent eollected qnar. terly. Temporary adreriUarneota mu.t to pain in advance. ' Job work efh on delivery. VOL.IVIII. NO. 5. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAY 20. 1885. $1.50 PER ANNUM. TRUE WORTH. By the pleasant fire they sat one night, Husband and wife alone, And they talkod of tlio changes they had con, And of how tlio year had flown; Of the nous, now scattered fnr and near, And tlio daughters wooed and wed; " We're only two in Mio liouse once more Oh, Mary, my wife! " lie faid. "When we wore alone, forty years ago, Bo young, mid happy, and poor, Thore wasn't a prettier girl than you, Nor a hotter ono, I ntn mire, t promised you tlmn I'd make you rich, If you'd only shnre my Ufo; I'm wortli n million pounds to-dayl A million of money, dear wifel " "How much am I worth?" she, amlling asked. II looked in her tender fane; lie looked in her eyes, then closed his own, And thought for a little spaeo. "You are worth the life I've spent with you, You are worth its richest joys; You are worth more gold than can be told You arc worth my girls and boys. " You are worth the years that are yot to como; You are worth the world to me; Oh, Mary there Is not gold enough To sny what you are worth to me I " " Woll, doar, I was worth the world to you More than forty years ago; A million is but a bngatolle To tlio wliolo wido world, you know. " So, then, we have nevor boen poor at all; Now isn't it nice to know That you wore o million billionaire More than forty years ago ! TV. were happy then, wo we are hnppy now, Bo tell me the difference, Frank?" "It isn't much," he said with a smile; "I've gathered a million from the pile, And locked it up lu a bauk." IN SEASON. Oh, pallid meads! Oh, snow-clads hills! Oh, wind swept dales 1 Oh, frozen rllM Oh, Nature sad and sere and drear Cheer up! choor up I Swoet spring is herol To beauty, life and love and glee iler magic touch shall wnken theo. Ob, Nature cold and chill and still Awake! Awake! Thy sweets distil ! Ahl who Spring's glorios doth not span! The editor: That mad-eyed man, Who at the poet swears and glara And kicks him down The sanctum stairs! Jan. A. Waldron, in the Current. LOVE AND POLITICS. "Do you know,'.' srtid trivia, with a restless movement of her pretty, peacock fan, "I am really unhappy this morning." Webster Arbuthnot leaned over with a look of such obvious devotion that a third party, if there hud been any such a disagreeablo person present, could not possibly have doubted his hopeless in fatuation. "Tell uie all about it," he said, posses fing himself of1 the hand nearest him. 'What is it that troubles my darling?" Sylvia's sunny head drooped on his shoulder. "Papa is going to run for Congress," she suid, disconsolately ; but was quite unmindful of the start her lover gave. "Wo always have such a disagreeable time when pa is running for an office. Olv, Webster" (sighing), "after we are married, I hope you will never take to politics." L ' Webster got up quickly. "I am sorry you don't like it, Sylvia," he began, in a nervous way. But a sud ien burnt of music from h brass band broke oil his speech abruptly. "It isa parada," Sylvia cried excitedly, springing to the window as tho band at tiie head of a body vf delegates, turned the corner. ' Webster followed her reluctantly. He had grown suddenly pale. , "Sylvia'," ho said hurriedly, "I " "It is the opposition," she interrupted. "Seel There is the banner. "We want reform,' and we have secured it by the nomination for Congress " Sylvia gasped. " of Webster Arbuthnot?" "Darling!" he cried, flinging his arm around her, "Let mo explain. I was just going to tell you, when" "Then you are are going to run for Congress, too! And against papa?" "They forced tho nomination upon me. I was the compromise candidate. Heaven knows I did not seek the honor, but I was in such a position that I could not " "Oh, no doubt," she answered causti cally, freeing herself from his embrace. "Those honors usually are thrust upon ono, it seems." "Sylvia, you are unkind." "And no doubt you expect to defeat papa. Oh, the arrogance of some men is astounding." "Don't be angry, darling. I am sorry that your father and 1 happen to ba the opposing candidates. But every man bus a right to his opinion, and it cannot make uiiy difference to us, what are our respective politics." "No? It makes just this difference, !Mr. Arbuthnot " "Mr. Arbuthnot? Sylvia!" "J should bo sorry to marry a politician any how they are always a low .set; but 1 will not marry one of the opposition." "Oh, my darling, don't say that!" "1 mean it. You knew that I did not like politics. If you would rather en gage in them than please me, you may Qo so. I have nothing mora to aay." "But you would not have me give up my honest convictions just because you opposo them, Sylvia. You could not re spect mo as a man." "I mean exactly what I say," she re plied, shrugging her shoulders. "I have no desire to hamper you in any way. Let ua consider our engagement at an end." Webster drew back and looked at her. Her tall figure was drawn up to ts full height, her eyes flashed, and he knew by the haughty curl of her proud lips that she was both earnest and angry. "As ytu will," ho replied, taking his hat with a dignified bow. "Good morning.'' She turned when he had left her, half hurt that he had taken her at her word and gone aw ay. Then, woman-like, she burst into tears. "Ho can just go," she said, iobbingly. "He can go and reform the cor-cor-rupt party to which my father belongs; but oh, I do hope he will be beaten." Several weeks before the election, ex Controllcr Scott, who had been so oc cupied as to rarely eat at home, was dining at home with his daughter. "So you and Arbuthnot cannot mako it up any more?" As ho spoke ho looked over the top of a newspnpor, which was veil known as an organ of the popular party. "I am not a friend to tho opposition," sho said, proudly. Mr. Scot t laughed. "What a girl you arc, Sylvia. You're an out-and-out partisan. But you needn't have been so hard on young Arbuthnot. He's a nice young fellow too nice to run as a candidate of such a party as the opposition; but, bless you, he hasn't the gliost of a show. Wo are going to sweep the polls this time." "Then you fuel sure of your election, papa?" "I'd bet my lust dollar on it. But I'd rather the papers would do the square thing. This attack on Arbuthnot's record in the custom-house is downright mean." "You arc to speak in Biilingham Square to-night, aren't vou?" Sylvia said, chang ing the subject deftly. "Thomas is going to drive mo there." "You must not think of such a thing." "Oh, yes. I will go in tho barouche, and I won't even stick my head out onee. Now, papa, don't bother; Cousin Prod is going with mo, and you known I never heard you make a stump speech." Sylvia had her way about this. At the hour appointed for the mass-meeting, she was driven to the grand stand. Billing- ham Square was packed with people. By the light of the blazing torches, carried by tho clubs who had turned out, Sylvia saw such a scene as she bad novcr wit nessed before. Her carriage could not get very near tho platform, and, as the wind was blowing tho wrong way, Mr. cott s speech was all lost to her. "I can't hear a word, Fred," she said, turuing to her cousin." Across the sea of upturned faces, show ing every gradation of virtue and intelli gence, marking every station in life, touching every phase of depravity, Sylvia saw her father haranguing tho populace with all the earnestness of enthusiasm. "Oh, I wish I could hear what ho says," sho cried, leaning forward. But her cousin drew her back. "You mustn't show your face, Sylvia," he said, emphatically. "There is a per fect mob around you, and you promised that you wouldn't look out of the win dow." ' "But I can't hear," sho retorted, in vexation. "I might as well go home." "I think it would be a great deal bet ber," said her cousin. "But you can't drivo through a crowd like this without killing some one; sot hero's nothing to do but wait till it breaks up." "If 1 only had some chocolates. Don't be disagreeable, Fred. Won't you run over to Marron's and got mo a box?" Fred hesitated. "I won't stir, and it won't take ten minutes. You're a man, and you can get through tho crowd very easily. Do, there's a dear boy." Fred got out, and did as she bade him. Sylvia eat in the carriage, looking curi ously at the surging crowd. The horses shied a little at some passing torches, and Sylvia leaned forward thoughtless ly, so that tho light fell full upu.i her beautiful face, with its misty glory of yel low hair. The crowd saw her. "Whew! ain't she a stunner?" cried some coarse fellow, with a leer in his eye and in a moment several ugly faces were peering in the carriage door,makiug vul gar comments and shouting their approv al. With a low, frightened cry, Sylvia shrank back into the carriage. "I say, beauty, gimme a kiss, won't you?" cried a low fellow, with his hund on the door, and his foot on the step. "This is Mr. Scott's carriage!" she cried, frantically. "Help! help! ' A strong hand camo to her deliver anco. The ruffian was dragged away by the collar; thore was a tierco scuttle out fide of tho carriage, and, cowering in one corner, Sylvia heard the cry of "Police!" Then there ws a roaring in her ears, nnd she came very near faint ing. Suddenly come one touched her, and said, in low, tender tones: "Sylvia, are you safe?" "Webster!" she sobbed. "Oh, thank God! Take me home take me home!" He had gathered her in his arms, and she was too much frightened to resist. "Drivo on," he cried to the coachman. But this was impossible now, for the w ay was fairly blocked. In tho crowd a tight was in progress, for tho rowdies who had accosted Sylvia resented the interference of some oue who had come to her rescue, and a passage-at-arms followed. Two fellows in particular closed in a scuflle, and, be fore the police arrived, they had drawn weapons. The sharp report of a pistol was heard unexpectedly. But, in the surge of a scuttle, the course of the ball was changed completely. Flvingwideof its intended victim, it sped over tho heads of tho crowd and struck Sylvia's father, who was still speaking. He fell forward, blood gushing from a wound in his side. "Mr. Scott is assassinated," was the cry that echoed through tho streets. Sylvia heard it, and sank insensible into Webster's arms. That was an awful night. Fred, de layed in a scuffle with a thief who tried to pick his pocket, came home, wild with anxiety, having failed on his re turn to find either Sylvia or tho carriage. Mr. Scott was in a dangerous condition, but not dead. It was a singular sight, in tho weeks that followed to see tho op position candidate spending all his leis ure time at tho bedsido of his antagon ist. "You'll beat mo now, Arbuthnot," Mr. Scott said, with the resignation of extreme weakness. "Ten days before election make or mar a candidate, and I haven't the ghost of a show, lying here like a helpless baby." "I don't teel so sure, sir," Eaid Web ster, quietly. "You were very popular as controller, and a great many of tho opposition are going to vote for you."; "Maybe so. But, if I am beaten, I'll have tho consolation of knowing it was by a good man." But Arbuthnot was right. A great many of tho opposition did vote for Mr. Scott. Tho wound ho had received, moreover, awoke general sympathy, and so brought him votes. Ho had in the district a majority of five hundred, which elected him. When the returns were all in, and Webstor knew positively that ho was do fcatcd, ho came to Sylvia with a smiling face. "I am beaten," ho said bravely. "But I shall count my loss as little if you will only renominate mo as your husband." Sho looked at him with shining eyes and held out her hand with a sweet im pulsiveness. "You are elected by an overwhelm ing majority," sho said, softly. He took her in his arms and politics were nowhere. "But I think that I ought to ask you to forgive me," she said at length. "You have beloved beautifully, dear; and I am proud of you if you do belong to the opposition. I 'hink every mon has a right to his convictions, provided they are generous, and and if a man has a taste lor politics a real taste I mean of course ho can't be blamed for " Here she was spared the necessity for further humiliation for Webster stopped her mouth with kisses. The second year of their marriage, Arbuthnot was again nominated for Con gross, and ran so much better than the candidate of tho popular party that he polled a higher majority than any candi date who ever ran in that district. Irrigation in Egypt. The ancient wealth of Egypt has ever been in its crop of corn. As surely as the seasons como round, so surely has tho Nile risen year by year. From the earliest time the valley of the Nile has been divided by earthen embankments into a succession of great flats, measur ing occasionally as much as 100,000 acres. The rising Hood is diverted by a series of short canals into these flats, where the water stands two or three feet deep until it has soaked the soil and deposited its rich alluvial mud. By this time the Nile has subsided. Tho drying mud is rudely plowed and sown, and four OB five mouths after the crop is reaped. No rain has fallen on it, but the soil has been sufficiently saturated to require no further watering. A rich crop is produced, but by this system only one crop in the year, and during tho summer months, when, from its latitude and temperature, one might expect Egypt to be yielding sub tropical fruits, the empty fields lie baked and parched. Muhamiued Ali Pasha, whose genius and energy created modern Egypt, soon recognize i that more might be obtained out of the soil than this one crop of wheat or beans. He set to work, therefore, in Lower Egypt to deepen the canals, so that they should flow in low as well as hitrh .Nile. His people were not long in discovering the benefits this conferred on them. Pumps and water wheels soou lined the banks of the canals. Egypt became known as a cotton-producing country, and during tho American civil war. twenty yearn ago, wealth poured into it. But this new system was a vastly more complicated one than that which it superseded. To suit the convenience of wealthy men numerous canals were cut, without sys tem or arrangement. Complaints soon began that the crops were deteriorating, that the soil was being exhausted, no longer replenished by lying two months a year under muddy water. Iu many places a salt tllorescence appeared on the surface fatal to vegetation. In high Nile there was abundance of water for all, but in low Nile, just when the cotton crop wanted it most, there was least to be had, and then the peasant's poor little patch had every chance of being with ered, w hile tho pasha's broad acres were flourishing. Worst of all, this great network of canals was yearly tilled with Nile deposit which had yearly to be removed, and an unpaid urmv of 00, -000 peasants was employed for about half of every year effecting the neces sary clearances. In tho long, narrow valley of I'pper Egypt, except in oue portion, the old I'haraonic system of ir rigation still prevails, and here the Egyptian has little to learn. In the delta the new cultivation with perennial irrigation is practiced, and in this, the richest part of the country, Lord Duii'er in soou saw the gravest reasons for aux iety. A system h;id been created which the people did not understand. Ignor ance of the most ordinary rules of engi neering, indolence, and coiruptiou were fast destroying the country. XinetseiUh Century. SOMETHING ABOUT SIGNS. EELIC3 or AH AVCIEXTT FOBU OT ADVERTISING. t'ltrioxltlea of Slrn Hoards Imblem nllc sign of Olil Inna Origin of (lic Wooden Figure. The "rooster," so prominent, was an old Dutch emblem, formerly much used us a weather-cock in New Amsterdam. Signs and emblems in all countries are a curious study and one who has traveled much can always recall curiosities in this line, found more especially in old coun try towns and out-of-the-way places. Advertising is now so general and run to such an extent that few of tho old-fashioned signs remain in tho large cities ex cept tho tobacconists' figures, tho three balls of "my uncle," tho barbers' poles and occasionally a pestle and mortar at a druggist's and a gilt hammer or some implement of trade. The lager beer signs King Gambrinus and others are modern conceits. I am inclined to think this divinity is a sort of modification of Bacchus, a nineteenth century creation for presiding over malt and hops instead of the juice of tho grapo, and more warmly clothed than his youthful origi nator. In the small towns at the South many of tho inns and taverns have the old signs of the colonial times, such as "The White Swan," "Tho Golden Lamb" and other emblems on battered boards in washed-out colors. Not very long ago a sign-painter was an important person and regarded as no mean artist, being hospitably entertained as ho traveled through the country with his materials of trade. Many impecun ious portrait painters decorated sign boards with headsof Washington, Frank lin and distinguished heroes. Much in genuity was spent on emblematic signs, ligurc-hcads and weather-cocks, almost equal to that now expended in painting rocks and covering walls and fences with puffs of trado and medicinal cure-alls. It is a wonder shopkeepers and trades men have not adopted armorial bearings, "Labor est Nobilis." Each mighthavo on his escutcheon some emblem or de vice signifying his trade or occupation. England was famous for her signs, Borne of which, the Boar's Head, the Star and Garter, have historical famo. In Nuremburg and old continental cities it is very interesting to decipher the weather-beaten signs and emblems still hanging in the narrow, crowded streets and alleys and in our own country their history is well worth tracing. In the his torical museum of tho old South church, in Boston, is preserved a colonial sign of a flowing Punch Bowl, once much ad mired as a work of art. New England discouraged all such worldly emblems, and an old traveler complains, after a journey in a stage coach, that "tho pas sengers were a thirsty sot, who got out at every sign-board," thus showing that there were a considerable number in spito of Puritan scrunles and denuncia tions. Philadelphia signs are early spokenof as being remarkably well uaint ed. A sign-painter named Matthew Pratt earned distinction for himself in his calling. He painted tho sign for tho Federal convention in 1788, put up first on the corner of Fourth and Chestnut streets. Pratt was a schoolmate of Ben jamin West, but found his art of paint ing portraits insufficient to support an increasing family and took to the more lucrative calling of sign decorator. Sev eral of his signs were quite famous in Philadelphia. One, a game cock on a beer house in Spruce street, and a fox chase on Arch street, were quite artistic pictures. He sometimes put poetical couplets at the bottom of his signs. Many of the old Pennsylvania towns were noticeable for their sign-boards in the days of turnpike roads, toll bridges and lumbering stage coaches, and later the long wagon trains of western travel ers; to these a "Rising Sun" painted in lavish colors, a "lien and Chickens" or the head of the "Father of his Country" were joyfully greeted as notices of re freshment for weary men and beasts. On the stage route from Philadelphia to Bal timore some persons now remember the "Heart in Hand," expressing a welcome; "The Three Tuns," promising great joviality; also a tavern with a full length portrait of "Mad"' Anthony Wayne on a swinging sign in nn iron frame. Only a few years ago this was still hanging, bat tered and weatherbcatcn, among cars ai.d locomotives. The old "Wheat field Inn" has been denuded of its field of waving grain overrun by hun gry rats and is now a modern hotel. The "Indian Queen" was a uoted hotel on this route, said to accommodate "two hundred guests and have bells in every room." The Fountain inn, whero Washington always stayed ou his way north from Vir ginia, was built round a court, in w hich was a fountain, and had shady galleries on csch floor. This inn was constructed after the pattern of those in England in the time of Shakespeare, whero he used to act plays with his comedians for tho amusement of his friends and patrons. At a Baltimore inn, the Seven Starj, the first American lodge of Odd Fellows was instituted and grew into importance. These Seven Stars were gorgeously gilt upon a bright blue firmament. At the Thrco Loggerheads, a dingy old inn near the docks, was received tho first warrant ever granted a United States lodge from Creut Britain, This was a curious sign swung ou an iron pole. On each side was painted two very ugly faces, wiih the words, "We three loggerheads bo." To our country belongs tho honor of originating the wooden figures so much used by tobacconists. These were very numerous more so than even at the pres ent day. A story is told of a foreigner, landing in New York, inquiring if they were statues of distinguished Americans. Ben Jouson in his "Bartholomew Fair," speaks of the "Black Boy, ' where to bacco was sold; also of the "Indian Queen." Old figureheads of ships were often used and added to, and wero very funny. Sir Walter Ilaleigh, tho intro ducer of the weed, is a favorite tobac conist sign in England; "Jim Ctow," "Uncle Tom" and "Coptain Jinks," all of American parentage. The "Indian King" was popular after 1710, owing to a visit of four Indian chiefs, who wero received with much ceremony by Queen Anne, and were much sought after by sight-seers. Altogether old signs deserve a passing mention and would bo an interesting corner in antiquarian research. Many would require considerable ingenuity to trace their origin and applicability. A pair of "snow-shoes" mystified the in habitants of Chelsea in the Revolutionary war. They were set up over an inn when snow-shoes were supposed to be a needful part of the equipment of soldiers sent to fight "Mr. Washington and his rebels." But I have drifted back to signs, my original "moutons" from our American specialty, the wooden "mani kins," and before closing tho interesting subject I must mention the "holly-tree inns." These were established in Eng land in tho interest of temperance and it is only lair to give them a passing men tion, as mostly the signs mentioned have been to the advertising of Bacchus. These inns were admirable in their ar rangements, bright, cosy and attractive. They adopted tho old-fashioned sign and were economical and comfortable, so that tho sight of the bright berries and shin ing leaves of the holly was very attrac tive. Theso "holly-tree inns" are still scattered over England. Philadelphia Timet. The Key or Death. In the collection of curiosities preserve, in the arsenal of Venice, there is a key of which the following singular tradition is related: "About the year 1,000 ono of those dangerous men, in whom extra ordinary talent is only the fearful source of crime and wickedness beyond that of ordinary men, came to establish himself as a merchant or trader in Venice. Tho strangor, whose name was Tebaldo, be came enamored of the daughter of an an cient house, already affianced to another, lie demanded her hand in marriage, and was, of course, rejected. Enraged at this, he studied how to bo revenged. Profoundly skilled in tho mechanical arts, he allowed himself no rest until he had invented the most formidable weapon wnich could bo imagined. This was a key of large size, the handle of which was so constructed that it could be turned round with little diffi culty; when turned it discovered a spring, which, on pressure, launched from tho other end a needlo or lancet of such subtle fineness that it entered into the flesh and buried itself there without leaving external trace. Tebaldo waited in disguise at tho door of the church in which the maiden whom ho loved was about to receive the nuptial benediction. The assassin sent tho slender steel unpercoived into tho breast of the bridegroom. The wounded man had no suspicion of injury, but seized with a sudden and sharp pain iu tho midst of the ceremony.he fainted, and was carried to his house, amid tho lamentations of tho bridal party. Vain was all tho skill of the physicians, who could not deviso the cause of this strange illness; and in a few days he died. Tebaldo again de manded the hand of the maiden from her parents, and received a second refusal. They, too, perished miserably in a few days. The alarm which these deaths which appeared almost miraculous occa sioned excited tho utmost vigilance of tho magistrates; and when, on close examin ation of the bodies, the small instrument was found in tho gangrened flesh, terror was universal; every one feared for his own life. The maiden thus cruel ly orphaned had passed the first months of her mourning in a convent, when Tebaldo, hoping to bend her to his will, entreated tospcak with her aftho grato. The face of tho foreigner had been ever displeasing to her, but since the death of all those most dear to her it had becomo odious (as though she had a presumption of his guilt), and her reply was most decisive in tho negative. Tebuldo, beyond him self with rage, attempted to wound her through the grato, and succeeded ; tho obscurity of tho place prevented his movement being observed. On hor re turn to her room, the maiden felt a pain in her breast, and uncovering it, sho found it. spotted with a single drop of blood. Tho pain increased, the surgeons who hastened to her assistance taught by the past wasted no time in con jecture, but, cutting deep into the wounded part, extracted tho needle be fore any mortal mischief had commenced, and saved tho life, of the lady. The Stato inquisition used every means to discover the hand which dealt these in sidious and irresistible blows. The visit of Tebaldo to the convent caused sus picion to fall heavily upon him. His house was carefully searched, tho infa mous invention discovered, and ho per ished on the gibbet. I'ltUie Opinion. Food Wasted. Dr. Smyth, of New Haven, iu con eluding his series of sermons on social ism, made this remark : "America wastes enough yearly to feed the thousands who are now said to be out of employment. The time may yet come when it shall be considered practical somewhere in the course of the education which u Stato gives to the people to teach girls how to extract tho greatest amount of nutri ment from the common materials of food, and a careful statistician justly remarks that 'whoever can teach tho masses of the people how to get five cents' worth a day more comfort or force out of tho food which ono consumes will ad.l to their productive power what would bo equal to oue thousand million dollars a year iu value.' " The man ou roller skates always strikes out. That's why ha doesn't plr.y base ball. AlerctmiU-Travehr, LITTLE THINGS. A little thing, a sunny smile, A loving word ot morn, And all day long the sun shines bright, Tho cares of life were made more light, And sweetest hopes were born. A little thing, a hasty word, A cruel frown at morn, And aching hearts went on their way, And toiled throughout a dreary day Disheartened, sad, and lorn. Ah, bitter words and frown! With thee No wunt nor pain compares. Oh, pleasant words und sunny smiles, Your hidden power our grief beguiles, And drives away our cares. Charles Love joy Hill. HUMOR OF TIIE DAT. One swallow doesn't make one spring, but a wasp generally does, provided it is sat upon. Graphic. "Sheep shearing is done by machinery in Australia." In Wallstreet.it is dono in the old-fashioned way by hand. Lowell Citizen. Professor (reading) "Enter Mephis to!" (Turning to Mr. C, who has just come in). "Good morning." (General collapse). Columbia Spectator. It costs forty-two cents to stop a train. In spite of this expense we believe it ia often cheaper to stop the train than it is to throw a passenger off. Graphic. Grover Cleveland is not hard of hear ing, but when anybody asks him who his first assistant postmaster-general is, he says "Hay?" Mcrchant'l'raveler. In the spring thd tuneful tom-cat thrill creation to the quick; In the spring the back-room lodger hurls the fruitless bob-taiied brick. Washington Hatchet. Young hopeful (to his sister) I say, Nell, pass me the butter. Nell (in a tono of reproach) If what, Johnnie? John nie (goaded to desperation by tho delay) If you can reach it. Life. THE LEVEL-HEADED MERCHANT. The merchant now devises A plan brisk trade to win; He straightway advertises And rakes the shekels in. Boston Courier. A New Jersey man broke up house keeping and went to a hotel to hoard in order that his wife might enjoy roller skating to her heart's content. Opinion is divided on the question whether he loves hor or wants her to break her neck. Call. HARD TO EXPLAI.V. Some things in this worh Are hard to explain; The lighter the dude The heavier the cane, The bigger the hat ine smaller tue Drain; Does any one know Why these things are tol Boston Courier. A girl with three arms is one of the attractions of a Louisiana show. This young lady ought to be sought for by every marriageable young man in tho neighborhood. She could put two arms around a man's neck while she turned pancakes with the other. San Fraiieitco 1'od. When first I went to the skating rink. Said I to myself, said I, Of the cup of pleasure I will drink, Said I to myself, said I, I'll fasten the rollers on my feet And some fancy skating do so neat My style with envy the crowd wiil greet, Said I to myself, said I, When I tried to straighten out my logs, Said I to myself, said 1, Old fellow, you're shaky on vour pegs, Said I to myself, said I, T waa ncnnllv cilliul ull t.liii flrutr 4 And saw two mil. ion still's or more, And in sev'ral spots feel mighty sore Said 1 to myself, said I. Sorristown Herald. The Crofters or Scotland. Tho cable dispatches during tho past few mouths frequently referred to troubles wiili tho Scotch Crofters. An articlo iu tho Chicago Saturday Evening Herald tells who and what tho Crofters aro. Wo quote : Much of tho land in tho Highlands of Scotlund is owned by landlords who never go near their property, and all tho disadvantages of nbsenteo landlordism are felt as much in the island of Skyeas in Cork or Tipperary. Tho landlord en trusts his hind to an agent, known as tho tacksman, and the tacksman in turn lots out tho laud to farmers, who sub-let patches, or crofts, to tho crofter, who, according to recent testimony, is of all men mobt mierable. These poor wretches live at the mercy of their farmer landlords, or tho more cruel tacksmen. In thousands of instances they live in black, filthy hovels, unlit for human habitation. if they improve the croft at their own expense, tho rent is raised. If they complain they are told to "move) off," as the land is wanted for sheep and deer. It is reported lhat tho island of Skye alone, between 1810 and 188:1, the landlords served no less than 0,1100 no tices of eviction on their tenants. Goaded on by untold sufferings, the crofters have at length adopted tho policy of "no rent." Mustaches in Curl Papers. "That is one of the latest ideas in the barber business," remarked the proprie tor of a large barber shop down, as he pointed to several gentlemen with their mustaches done up in curl papers. "Tho trouble has alwavs been to give tho mustache u nice curl, but the time in which to do it was so short that t was impossible. At last the idea of using papers was tried and found to bo just the thing. Vou see, when a custo mer gets into a chair tho first thing done is to roll the ends of his mustache up in papers, in which condi tion they are left until the shaving nud combing has been completed, when they me tukcu out of the papers, and fouui' to have a Cue curl." -co Yurk tiaix. f
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers