THE FOREST REPUBLICAN If published every Wedaeadar, by J. E. WENK. OlHaein Bmearbaugh & Co.'s Building ELM STREET, TIONE8TA, r. Terms, - - . 1 1. BO per Year. No inscriptions received for t shorter period Inun Ihrre months. r Correspondence loHclied from all prt of the country. No notice will be taken of aoonrmou. communication. RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Bqnare, one Ineh, one Insertion. 1 00 One Square, one lneh, one month 8 00 One Square, one Inch, three month. f One Square, one Inch, one year 10 c Two Sqnim-a, one jrear II 00 Quarter Colnmn, one jear. to 00 Half Column, one year M M One Colnmn, one ;t .......10 S3 Legal advertisement tea cent. er Use each In crtion. Marriage and death notices gt!s. All bllle for yearly advertetemeaU collected qaar trrly. Temporary adTertlaemeuta moat be pern in advance. Job work ah on deltrery. VOL.17111. NO. 6. TIONESTA, PA,, WEDNESDAY, MAY 21 1885, $1.50 PER ANNUM. THE HEST.GIFT OF ALL. One-and-twonty, one-and-twenty, Youth and beauty, lover plenty; Health ami riche en no and leisure, Work to give a stoat to pleasure; What can a ninld so lucky lack! What ran I wish tlint fate hold back! Youth will fade ami lieauty wane; Lover, flouted, liroak their chain, Health may fail and wealth may fly you, Pleasures cease to satisfy youj Almost evorythlng that bring Happiness U born with wings. This I wlah you ; this Is West Love that can endure the test, Love surviving youth and beauty, Lovo that blonds with homely duty; Love that1 gentle, love that's true, Love that1 constant wish I you, Btill unsatisfied she lives. Who for gold mere silver give, One more joy I wish you yet, To give as much love as you get. Grant you, Heaven, this to do, To love him best who best loves you. New York Sun. 51 RS. MORRIS' MORTGAGE. ST EDWIN II. TRAFTON. Whatever brightness there was in that littlo household was strictly home-made. Home-made things may lack style and EoHsh aud a great many other qualities, tit they are solid nnd satisfying. The widowed mother was brave and patient; , fourtccn-yea pld George was manly and helpful y' Bess, a wee tot, insisted that Rb' y& "mamma's sunbeam and Georgfjby," aud between them the lovo These three had for each other was tboir principal fortune. To be sure, they hnd their cottage, nestled like a brown little wren of a house among the cherry trees, but so fur from the more preten tious street of the village as to be quite secluded in its modest retirement a home-nest where there was more peace than plenty. One thing this tiny residence had in common with many stately mansions that unwinkingly stand forth as if beg ging for public admiration there was a mortgago on it. It was so very small a house that it really seemed as though it would not take much of a mortgage to crush in its low, rambling rocf, like a too heavy load of snow, and, like the snow, is a mortgage on the poor man's homo, a cold, pitiless dead weight. Next after her two children Mrs. Morris loved this wrcu-like house best of anything, and for three long years she had worked at that mortgage, saving up and paying it oil ''by littles," until at lost when of the original $500 there only remained a trifle less than $40 to pay, Lawyer Hardhrg had tjivco Jjer no tice from, the holder of the mortgage that he could no longer extend tlio time, and that unless tho balance was 'settled by the first day of the month he would foreclose. This simply meant that she would lose all she had paid and bo turned out of doors into the bargain. At tho satno time the lawyer bad intimated, on giving this disagree able intelligence, that if Mrs. Morris would consent to marry him he would relieve her of all further trouble, not only in regard to this but all future finan cial embarrassments. The mortgage itself was trouble enough for one poor woman to bear; but the would rather have had all the mort gages in the world to fight than endure the thought of life with a man with the mean traits of this lawyer. She gave him to understand this fact as clearly as a good use of plain, matter-of-fact Eng lish could do it. His words were smooth enough too smooth, in fact as ho went away, but thero whs the sort of smile that boded no good to the object of his thoughts. It was as evident to her as though he had said so in so many words, that the time mentioned would be the last day of grace. April 1st came but not'the paltry bal nnco needed to clear off the mortgage. And no sum of money is paltry when one must have it to avert disaster and cannot get it. Mrs. Morris could see no earthly way out of her trouble that morn ing. Everything looked dark. It was hard to have worked so long, to have struggled for weeks and months and years, as she had done, only to lose all at last. No. not all 1 For she had Georgo and Bess left. Thinking of them made it still harder to bear, lor it was for their dear sakesshe had toiled and economized and saved. There was a suspicious sug gestion of what her eyes had been doing when George came cheerily in to his breakfast. "What.my little manimie's eyes are half drowned !" he exclaimed, in his hearty, boyish way, with part fun and more ten derness in his tone, as he hugged her like a young hear, and dabbed kisses into each damp eye. "'Tisn't me?'1 he continued, searching for a cause for the rather unusual display of discomfort. "No? I'm glad of that, because I don't think I've done anything downright awful lately, and it can't bo Hess? bhe's all right, 1 know no measles, or whooping cough, or anything for 1 just saw her sleeping like a a " here he paused for a satisfactory smile, dab bing more warm kisses from rosy lips Into red eyes the while -"like a happy little kitten." "Georgie, do eat your breakfast. It's as bad to have one's eyes kissed but as drowned out." "Oh, 1 know!" he continued, pursuing the subject with no intention of being put off. "Thut old Harding is coming again, I'll bet anything." . "Yes, dear, he is coming;" but the little woman had not the heart tp tell ull iat areaaea coming inijmcu. Pshaw, mammie I Don't worry so obout it. Thnt blamed mortgage is al most paid off and you won't havo to see the mean sneak many times m re." "I 'don't like to hear you speak that way. It doesn't help mo and it hurts you." More kisses that, said as plainly as words could, "It was bocauso I love you nnd can't bear to see you so unhappy, but if it hurts you I won't do it any more." Then he pitched into his breakfast with as savago earnestness as though he thought he was a half-starved cannibal and his food was the luckless but well cooked llardiug. II. "I'll bet it's an 'April fool!'" said Georgo, at tho sound of an unusually loud ring at tho front door. It was in realjty a boy with a largo official envel ope, addressed to Mrs. Morris, who sim ply said he was told tliere was no answer to wait for. Nervously Mrs. Morris-tore it open, as some people have a way ot doing with their telegrams. "It is the mortgage!" she cried, as she undid tho formidub.e document. It was not her familiarity with law papers that enabled her to so promptly identify it; every fold and crease and blot of this mortgage she knew by long and sad acquaintance. "Are you sure 'tisn't an April fool, mamuiie?" asked Georgo, suspiciously. Neither she nor his mother had, from past experience any reason to expect any favors from Harding or tho rich property owner ho represented. Hero was tho mortgago in her hands there could bo no doubt of that a small piece of paper, after all, to have been such a dead weight on the tiny home and the thrco that were in it. Careful examination failed to discover any scrap of a letter or word of explanation accompanying it. "It is too good to bo true," sighed the widow, still dazed by the event, "but peoplo are sometimes better than we give them credit for. I've already more than paid the original amount of money which your poor father was obliged to raise, when the interest is counted in, and they may have been moved to do a kindly, generous act, although," she added, "I would as soon look for sun shine in a coal hole. If any one has been really good it is not Mr. Harding, I am sure of that much; it must, have been the man to whom the money really be longed and for whom ho works." "If it ain't some kind of a mean 'April fool' I'll eat my hat," said George, with greater force than elegance, who would not believe the evidence of his own eyes, when that evidence was in Hard ing's favor. Presently that person himself made his appearance. Jlo had the air of one who hud earned a warm welcome and ex pected to receive it. Between gratitude and doubt the widow smiled, and her manner was so much more friendly than ever before that Harding flattered him self that he had done a very clever thing indeed. "Yes, my dear Mrs. Morris, I sent on the mortgugo ahead of me because I thought you would like to get it into your own hands at lust." "Indeed, 1 am very glad u all my trouble with it is finally at an end." "I fully 'appreciated that fact, and wished to relieve you of all annoyance as soon as possible," with a plausible, Relf satistied look. "But I felt so sure your own good sense would urge you to agree kindly to my proposition, that at last you would c( ns :ut to make me the hap piest of men, tint I did not hesitate to let you seo witu what perfect confidence I was ready to carry out my part of tho contract to relieve you of all financial troubles." "Mr. Harding!" was all she could say in her indignant surprise. "Perhaps 1 have been too nasty " "I am sorry you have put mo to tho disagreeable necessity of repeating what I thought I had said plainly enough be fore; 1 would rather give up this little home of ours and take my children 1 know not where than to accept any home you could provide." Jusinr as she Biioke, with a very be coming color in her cheeks, she indicated that the interview was at an end. "Then, madam," ho replied, also ris ing, "it is my painful duty to inform you thut the alternative of your own selection must be enforced. If you will please to notice this mortgage still lacks my sig nature as agent with power of attorney. That signature I shall be pleased to allix on the payment of the balance due thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents." "But, I thought "stammered tho widow. "You thought I was fool enough to release you from the obligations of this document before I knew you were ready to marry me? Hardly. Have yon the $;n.50 handy? No? I thought not. Then, madam, I shall foreclose without any further delay, and " "Count that, will you, and see if there isn't $37.50 there." It was George who had heard enough of the conversation to find out that the mortgage was not paid off, after all, and slipping out of the room had returned a minute later with a small box full of silver aud copper, which ho slapped down rather unceremoniously on the the tablo in front of Harding. Which was the more surprised, the mother or tho lawyer, it would be. quite impossible to tell. "What's all this mean?" demanded Harding with a scowl. . "Never you mind what all this means. Just count that money and sign your name, and then if you ever bother my mother again just look out for yourself, that's all!" "Oh, George!" was all Mrs. Morris could say. There was nothing for Harding to do but to count the money, which was cor rect to a cent, and affix his signature, which ho did with a face that looked like a thunder cloud, and not without muttcrings that faintly suggested the disagreeable commotion inside. When he was at last out of the house, viciously banging the door behind him as a sort of harmless malediction as ho went, George caught his mother in his arms, and hugged and kissed her till both wero fairly out of breath. "I earned and saved it all myself, mammie," ho finally was able to explain, "doing odd jobs and things all but tho last $10, and that I got for my stamp collection yesterday. I knew you hadn't tho money to make this last payment, and I meant to surprise you all the time. I knew that was an 'April fool' when that mortgago came, but if there is a bigger April fool in this town than thut blamed old Harding, I don't want to see him." "You blessed boy!" was all "mam mie" could say between laughing and crying, while it would have been hard to find three happier people on tho face of the eurth that day than tho brave, pa tient mother, her mnnly, helpful son, and sweet Baby Bess, who got her full share of tho sunshine of joy. And it will not make you the least bit sorry, I am sure, to know that tho reason Harding was so anxious to marry Mrs. Morris was that he knew of somo prop erty that was soon coming to her, of which she had never a hint. But when this new and unexpected blessing did come to them they did not desert tho bro-vn littlo wren-like home-nest under tho cherry trees only it made possible George's dreain of college days and a broader future. New York Graphic. A United States Senator' Romance. "Senator James G. Fair, of Nevada, was born within five miles of where I was," said a gentleman connected with tho Chicago police department to a re porter. "There have been many anec dotes published about him, and espec ially about his divorced wife, but I think I can tell how she became his wife, by a mere accident, as it were. Jim's family lived in county Tyrone, while ours came from nn adjoining county. Tho Fairs were known in all the country around as fighters, and right good ones they were. Beside being fellows that knew how to handlo a black thorn, they were very good carpenters. Jim's father and mother did not. live very happily together, so the old man packed up his traps and came to America. He made money and went back to see how his family was get ting along. At the timo of his return Jim was. about twenty years of age. He was the fathers pet, and when tho old chup wag ready to come back to America ho took him with him. At this time Jim was engaged to a young girl named Pearco. 1 can't say anything about the parting that took pluco between them, but it must have peon a tender one on the part of tho future Senator, as subsequent events showed. "At any rate, after he and the old man got over to America the went at carpen tering, and made money very fast. Jim thought of his sweetheart, and ponged for her. He sent a sum of money to a friend to pay for her outfit and passage to the United States, fully thinking that she would soon come to join his fortunes in tho new world. A few months after this yount? Fair received a reply from his friend to whom he had sent the letter. The nature of tho missive must have stirred his heart to the depths. It was to the effect that Miss Pcarce had married another young man, and consequently could not be expected to sail on the next ship to her expectant lover. "But the same letter which conveyed this news also said that thero was no occasion for sadness. It reminded young Fair that there was a younger sister in the family whose beauty and graces were as charming as those of the elder one. His friend concluded his letter with the proposition that he should oiler the rising fortunes and the money of Fair to one who could accept them. To cut it short, Jim sent back word that he could do so, and it was not long after that when the younger Miss Peorce sailed for America to wed the future bonanza king aud Senator. Her subse quent history has been told in print many a time, but I think thut this story of Senator Fair's early life will be new to the general public.'' Miles of Gold. Australia boasts of having in its bosom the richest Dorado of modern dis covery. A young engineer named Davis, after the most thrilling adventures among cannibal aboriginics of tho northern dis trict of tho southern continent, at last came upon a region of the finest gold ore. Forthwith he returned to England for the purpose of studying mining op erations, aud soon again faced for his Dorado. To his utter astonishment he found on his return a whole colony of miners delving away in the treasured earth of which he thought he alone was aware. Himself and a companion, how ever, staited bravely to work, and after some time struck a vein cf coarse gold, specimens of which have been analyzed in London with most promising results. Mr. Duvis' find was soon throwu into the shade by that of a young man named Hankie, who hud the luck to meet with the quart, bursting through the surface, and extending for two miles. Near this district is the famous Morgan reef, which contains gold in immense quantities, wanting only one-tenth of being virgin gold. Verily this story of fucts beats Jules Verne's fiction hollow, and threat ens a revival of thut fever in tho heat of which S9 many heads and hearts have been irremediably lost. ' The way to sleep," says a scientist "is to think of nothing." AY hen an editor wunts to slumber all he has to do is to try and remember how much money I he has in the world. Botton Pott, A FACETIOUS GOLD-HUNTER VABE TWAIJTS'S EXPEKIEJTCB AS A POCKET HIKES. The Forjrolten Claim An Incident Which rrobnbly Turned the Hu morist from Alining- to Literature. The position of the pocket-miner among the other inhabitants of a mining region very much resembles that, of the bee-hunter among tho people of the frontier settlements in agricultural regions. Tho business he follows also has several points of resemblance to that of tho bee-hunter. The trail followed by one leads him to the tree stored with sweets, and that of the other ends in a Eocket of sweetest gold. The man who ecomes an expert bee-hunter is likely to remain a bee-hunter all his days, and tho same may be said of the pocket miner. Mark Twain's narrow escape from be coming a pocket-miner has never been told. It is worth recording, as it gave him tho story of tho "Jumping Frog," and sent him off along the lino of tho literary lode and set him to scratching therein for pockets of fun. In 1805 Mark weaned of Bohemian life in San Francisco and went up into the mining regions of Calaveras county to rusticate with some old friends Steve, Jim and Billy Gillis. Jim Gillis was, and still is, one of the most expert pocket miners in California. Although educated with a view eventually to fight the battle of life as a physician, and though, still finding solace in his leisure moments in the works of Greek and Latin authors reposing on a Ehelf in his cabin, Jim Gillis is booked for life as a pockst miner. The business has charms for him that ho cannot break away from he is bound to it in chains of gold. Show him a particle of quartz gold on the side of a mountain, and if it came to where it was found through the process or nccidents of nature undisturbed in any way by tho interference of man, he will as unerring ly trace it to its source as the beo hunter will follow tho bee to its hoard of sweets. Mark Twain found the Bohemian style of mining practiced by the "Gillis boys" much more attractive than those more regular kinds which call for a large out lay of muscle. He and Jim Gillis took to tho hills in search of golden pockets and spent some days in working up the undisturbed trail of an undiscovered deposit. They were on the golden "bee line" and stuck to it faithfully, though it was necessary to carry each sample of dirt to a small stream, in the bed up a canyon in order to pan it out. Each step made sure by gold en grains, they at last came upon the pocket which had thrown these grains off. It was a cold, dreary, drizzling day when the "home deposit" was found. The samplo carried to the stream and .washed out yielded but a few cents. Al though tho right vein had been discov ered, they had as yet found but the "tail-end" of the pocket. Hemming to the vein, they dug a sample from a new place, and were about to carry it down to the ravine and test it when the rain began to pour down heavily. With chattering teeth Mark declared he would remain no longer. He said there was no sense in freezing to death, as, in a day or two. when it was bright nnd warm, they could return and pursue their inves tigations in comfort. Yielding to Mark's entreaties, backed as they were by his blue nose, humped back, and generally miserable and dejected appearance, Jim emptiod the sacks of dirt upon the crround. first having hastily written and posted up a notice of their claim to a certain number ot leet on tno vein. which notice would hold good for thirty days. Angels camp being at no great distanco from the spot, while their cabin was some miles away. Mark and Jim struck out for the place. The only hotel in the little mining camp was kept by one Coon Drayton, an old Mississippi river pilot, and at his house the pocket miners found shelter. Mark Twain hav ing formerly followed the business of pilot on the Mississippi river, he and Coon were soon great friends, aud swapped scores ot yarns. It continued to rain for three days, and until the weather cleared up Mark and Jim re mained at Coon's hotel. The story of the "jumping frog" was one of the yarns told Mark by Coon dur ing the three days' session, and it struck him as being so comical that he deter mined to write it up. When he returned to the Gillis cabin, Mark set to work upon the frog story. He also wrote somo sketches of life in the mountains and mines for some of the San Francisco papers. Mark did not think much of the frog story, even after it had received the fin ishing touches. He gave the preference to seme other sketches and sent them to the papers for which ho was writinor. Steve Gillis, however, declared that the frog story was tho best thing Mark had written, and advised him to save it for a book of sketches he was talking of pub lishing. A literary turn having been given to the thoughts of the inmates of the Gillis cabin, a month passed without a return to the business of pocket-mining. While the duys were passed by Mark and his friends in discussing the merits of the "Jumping Frog" and other liter ary mutters, other prospectors were not idle. A trio of Austrian miners who were in search of gold-bearing quartz happened Upon the spot where Mark and Jim hud dug into their ledue. It wus but a few days after Twain and Gillis had retreated from the place in the pour ing ruin. The Austrians were not a lit tle astonished at seeing the ground glit tering with gold. Where the dirt emptied from the sucks had been dissolved and washed away by the ruiu, luy some three ounces of bright quartz gold. The foreigners were not long in gathering this, but the speedy discovery of the notice forbade their delviDg into the deposit whence it came. They could only wait and "wstch and pray." This hope was that tho parties who had posted up tho notice would not return while it held good. The sun that rose on the day after tho Twain-Gillis notice expired saw tho Aus trians in possession ot the ground, with a notice of their own conspicuously and defiantly posted. The new owners cleaned out the pocket, obtaining from it, in a few days, a little over $7,500. Had Mark Twain's backbone held out a littlo longer tho sacks of dirt would have been washed and the grand discov ery made. He would not have then gone to Angels' camp and would probably never have heard or written the story of the "Jumping Frog," the story that gavo him his first "boost" In the literary world, as tho "Heathen Chinee" eave Bret Harto his first lift ud the ladder. Had Mark found the gold that was cap tured by the Austrians, he would have settled down as a pocket miner. Ho would never have given up the chase, and till thfs day, gray as a badger, he would have been pounding quartz, with Jim Giilis for his "pard" in a cabin somewhero in the Sierra Nevada moun tains. Alta California. The Dead Letter Mnsenm. Connected with the Dead Letter office at Washington, says a letter to the New York Telegram, is a museum of curiosi ties received through the mail, and they embrace articles of all grades, from a gold encased miniature to a hand saw, a honey beo or a horned frog. This old miniature represents a gentleman and lady of middle age, is painted in ivory set in gold in the style of a century ago. It has been for forty years in tho office, and despite its value men and women come, and men and Vomen go, but tho owner of the picture has never appeared on the scene as yet. Further along in this cabinet may bo seen a piece of the floor of the room in which Jesse James was shot, aud which some enterprising person had sent to a friend. Above this, and with the upper lid partly opened, so as to bring the contents pro vokingly near the observer, is a box of choice raisins. Layer after layer; all perfect and undisturbed. On the other side of the museum, und evidently in tended as a companion piece to the rais ins, is a nice fruit cake. Then, in still another cabinet, is a ghastly human skull. In this cabinet, too, can be seen a box of gold from California gold in tho rough, and silver and cacti from Arizona. Then above these Texas if" represented by the serpents she has sent, all received alive. Some of them were sent in perforated tin cans, and intended for a foreign mu seum. But snakes were not "nominated in the bond" andtwere against postal regulations and so they rest here. One of the greatest curiosities of the dead letter office is not embraced in its museum collection, but is shown in the person of its oldest and most popular colored, or parti-colored messenger. She is rather a human curiosity. Originally a very dark brown, she has been growing white in some spots until now aho is known in Wash ington as tho "calico woman." She states ten years before a spot had made its appearance on hands or face she dreamed she saw one of her relatives come in her room, and, after she re moved her bonnet, so that her features could be seen, sho exclaimed, "Oh! Aunt Mary, you have got a calico face!" This dream she holds as prophetic of what she was to become. There is still another curiosity con nected with the office that must not be overlooked in the museum collection, and that is the record kept by Benjamin Franklin when he was Continental post master general. It embraces the years from 1707 to 1778, aud in the whole eleven years there were only 375 valua ble letters received. This volume is yellow with age, but tho writing is still legible. It is regarded as one of tho most valuable possessions of the depart ment. Centrifugal Force. Artemus Ward did not claim to bo a scientist, but rather an artist in wax. He once gave his thoughts, however, to ono of tho great problems of science with this result: The earth moves round from west to east in a year, and turns on its axis in a day. Supposing the earth to be suddenly arrested on its axis, wo all men, wom en, children, horses, cattle, and sheep, donkeys, editors, and members of Con gress with all our goods and chattels, would be thrown into the air ut a speed of one hundred and seventy-three miles a minute, every mother's son of us de scribing tho arc of a parabola, which is probably the only description we should ever be able to give of the affair. This catastrophe, to one sufficiently collected to enjoy it, would doubtless be exceedingly amusing; but as there would probably be no time for laughing, we pray thut it may not occur until after our demise, when, should it take place, our monument will probably accompany us. Artificial Cheese. Artificial cheese, made of one par oleomargarine and two parts skimmed milk, mixed to the consistency of cream, und subjected to the usual processes of manufacturing the general. aj'cle, is the latest edible commodity, -ed by Germany to the work of the futherluud, howf too high a llavor taste of foreigners, that the new van J of .'ttted ability is son of its lost exalted Nece York constituents, will rank in both taste Commercial Advert Court nluster on laiYli ' faces in nnlilin places is becoming fashionable in the East. In the West the girls use the old style of court plaster, winch consist:, of a mustache mixed with u loud noise. Pittsburg Chronicle. 1 I A SPRINO POEM. The old man sits in the garden chair, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring, His bat Is off, so his head is bare, - Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring, He readeth Tuppor, it makes him weep. And anon he falls in a calm, deep sleep, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring. The early wasp hath a vicious look, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring. As he comoth out of his winter's nook, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring. He eeth the old man's shiny pate. And his wild eye gleams with a deadly hte, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring. Loudly the old man snores in the sun, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring, Quickly the little wasp hies to the fun, Spring. Spring, beautiful Spring. He sits him down with a fiendish glee, And goes for that head with a one, twe, three, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring. Yells of "murder" are heard around, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring, The old man rose with a terrible bound, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring. He sprang three feet and came down hard, And hence this song by a Springtide bard, Spring, Spring, beautiful Spring. Hal Berte, in Detroit Free Press. HUMOR OF THE DAY. Some people pass through various vi cissitudes in life without losing a hair. Probably because they were bald-headed. Waterloo Obsercer. A baseball player says he would never voto again for a certain member of the legislature, because when a certain clause in a bill was up, ho had under stood the member had made a motion to strike out. Merchant-Traveler. If tho world is indeed worse than it was some centuries ago, we suspect it may be accounted for by the fact that in those times a man didn't have to wear suspenders without buttons to match, or use matches for buttons. Brown Bread., Says a writer on table etiquette: "If you are of a party to dinner or lunch wait by your chair until all seat them, selves." If this rule is rigidly observed, tho dinner or lunch is apt to get cold be fore the company is successfully soated. First policeman "Arranged your plans for next summer?" Second police man "Oh, yes; I shall spend the entire season among the breakers." "The en tire season! You don't say so?" "Yes; among the law-breakers." Philadelphia Call. We are glad to learn from a valued contemporary that "pickled walnuts are now introduced at dinner." If there is anything we dislike it is to sit opposite a pickled walnut at dinner and not boon speaking terms with it. Philadelphia Press. No ono is ever killed by lightning when asleep in bed, accordiug to the as sertion of an English electrician. When ever you hear a clap of thunder always go to bed and fall asleep immediately. This is a sure precaution. New York Graphic. Scene on ahorse car: Passenger "Conductor, what are we being delayed for?" Conductor "Misplaced switch, sir." Little boy in (he rear "Well, that is what I told mother this morning when she gave me such a whaling." Passengers in chorus all smiling and sat isfied. " How are you, Smith?" asked a Fourth avenue man of a friend he had not seen for nearly a year. "How are all the girls? Are you as sweet upon Mfcs Jones as you used to be?" "fii, no. I left that off several months ago." "Have a quarrel?" "No. I married hor last August." Graphic. There was a man in Norristown, And he was very tall; He went into the skating rink And got a heavy fall. Ami when, he found himself laughed at, With nil his might and main He quickly sprang upon his feet Aud fell right down again. Sorristown Herald. "My dear," said a husband to his wife, "I am unable to get any sleep; I have tossed ever since 1 came to bed; I wish you would get up and prepare mo a little laudanum." "It's hardly worth while now," she replied, consulting her watch; "it's almost time to build the kitchen fire." Then he sank into a quiet, restful slumber. lloUm 'Journal. A well-known gentleman in this city is the author of a novel which relates to the adventures of a party on a desert island. In the course of tho story he describes the building of a steel yacht, aud remarks that the plates were riveted together. A critic, picking him up, asked him how they accomplished the riveting, and was met by the reply that the gouts w hich they found on the island butted them in. Jioaton Pott. IN THE Sl'lUNO. In the spring tho gentle pout braves the ter rors ut' the club; In the spring the lLsherman goes forth to hunt the early grub. In the spring pugnacious rams fight every thing that conies along, And the lih-ilispeiisiu huckster tills the air with chunks ot song. Iu the spring the dn uduliou stur begems the vernal scene; In the spring the lettuce salad antedates the lima bean. In the spring a hungry cry goes upward from tho Kiieiuo nu. And the early cackle blossoms from the gul let of the hull. In the spring the Vassur maiden sits upon the svlvuu moss; And tlio billygoat devours tomuto cans with Uoopskirt stiuce. In the spring the funny nritur courts the ice civuui joke oiicm more.. And the great spi iiig-tKiniu t chestnut set I' iule u roar.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers