THE FOREST REPUBLICAN li publlhoa every Wo'.Jnenlay, by J. E. WENK. Offloa In Bmearbaug-h & Co. 'a Bui ding- KLM BTHEKT, TIONKMTA, TA. RATES OF ADVERTISING. Ore fln,nf one Inrh, one Insertion ft "0 One Square, one Inch, one month 9 00 One Square, one inch, three months. 00 One Sqnaro, one inch, one year 10 00 Two Square, one year 1 00 Quarter Column, one year 00 Half Column, one year . ' M 0 One Colnmnjone year 100 00 Legal notices at established rates. Marriage and death notices p-atls. All bill" for yearly advertisements collected qnar terly. 1 cmporary advertisements must be paid in advance. Job work cash on delivery. Terms, . . $1.00 per Year. No nibsr-rlptlnnii received for ft ehortcr period tlwn thnu mnnlha. lorrenpondence nollclted from all purr f the country. No notice will bo taken of anonymom cnmmiinlcntlona. V0L.IV1. NO. 48. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY. MAKCH 12, 1884. $1.00 PER ANNUM. MY CREDITOR. Oh, Lovel Most sovereign power! by every t -n icr token, . Hy every fond word spokon by every hojie and sigh. The glanoiiiK of an eye, Tho tell tain blush, The hectic. Hush, Hmile, rhapody, or tears, Unsjxiken doubts or fears, Unwritten songs to sunshine wed, Celestial dreams by fancy fed, From early morn to midnight hour, Eaoh day, each day, Must I betray, And evor prove, Oh, Love! ah me! v How much am I in debt to thool Oh, Love! I hero protest By every bond and fetter I'm an Insolvent debtor, With but thy revenue To cancel debts long due. Early and late I liquidate With Love what'er I owe To either friend or foe; With pitying heart and willing hand Iioonii)i unto each demand t Wlih Love's accruing interest. Life cWh, and yet ' I'm in thy debt; And, dying, prove, Oh, Love I ah me! I cannot got release from thee. Joaephin Pollard. THE WOOD CHOPPER. 'You are really too bud, Horace 1" and a touch of tho whip to Whitcfoot's sides emphasized Godfrey Howell's impatient exclamation. His companion started from his rever ies, and with a good-natured laugh asked, "Why ?" " Why f Have wo not been ridin" Bide by Bide- for nearly three hours, and have you not been mute as a fish nil the time t I've suggested opera, tho weather, the state of the nation, and various other Original topics in vain; even a slightly disparaging remark upon the fair Clemmie's beauty only called forth a lazy ' Do you think so ?' " . " Why should I be Miss Ryan's do fender ?" "You admired her last winter." . " Oh, yes, as lately ns this spring; but an accident revealed to me so hollow nnd heartless a naturo beneath her fair face, that I felt my admiration dio instantly. Oh f Godfrey, are there any real and true women left ?" "Sweet, innocent creatures! composed of all tho domestic virtues bound in shilling calico 1 Pray, wero you dream ing of such one in your long revcrio f" "No; I was thinking " " So I imagined. Come, out with it ; I am quito curious to hear what formed tho subject of your thoughts. " " I must go back n little to make you quite understand why they were so en grossing. You may have 1 card that my uncle, who adopted me when I lost my parents, was nn eccentric, indeed some said almost a crazy, man. And ho cer tainly had very peculiar notions. Among these was a fixed aversion to authors, ac tors, painters, sculptors, and I am quot ing his words 'other gentlemen vaga bonds.' You may, then, imagine his fury when I declared my intention of be coming an artist. Every threat in the English language, every sort of abuse was poured out upon my devoted head to try and movo me; but L felt 'hat a higher power had placed the longing in my Boul for my happiness, and 1 was resolute. ' Then entreaties harder to resist than tho threats, were tried; but my own convictions of tho true aim of my life were not to be shaken. I had my little inheritance from my mother, and, by care, I could make that cover the expenses of my education, So the threat to disinherit me was power less like all the rest, and I sailed for Italy, firmly determined to return an artist. There had been a strong love be tween my undo and myself. 1 honored his good qualities, and' was willing, for their siik', to humor his whims; and I was the only child of his only sister, whom ho lev ;d devotedly. So when I returned he sent for me, and in his own queer way made a bargain with me. It I will paint him one good picture, get it admitted to the academy, draw the prize, and sell it for enough to prove that my art will not beggar me, he will for give me all my obstinacy and take me Lome again " "Well, where is the difficulty? You have painted pictures worthy of a place in tho academy, and, if 1 mistake not, jold them too." " They were all either portraits or his torical subjects. For this, my greatest effort, I want something new, something original. Historical subjects are so hack neyed, and I don't wanttobe represented in the catalogue by 'Portrait of a lady.' I wai thinking over, for tho hundredth time, ull the subjects that have yet sug gested themselves, when you spoke to me." . . "Look!" cried Godfrey, reining his horse and pointing forward with the whip; " there is a subject!" Through the broken gateway, which led frointhe road to u cottage, Horace saw his picture. The background was the stone-wall of the house, nnd tho sur roundings were a pile of wood a gate, and the soft, green grass. Kneeling upon the largest log, with both chubby hands, to raise the heavy ax, was a child, whose white, polished limbs and lovely face were fair enough to rouse any soul to ad miration. The dark blue dress of wool len fabric was scant c noutrh to leave the dimpled shoulders and arms bare, and the plump, white foot . had ueither shoe POT blocking 10 jmie Ha spiemuu ucmti; Dark chestnut curls, escaping from a scarlet hood, shaded a bright fuco, whoso largo dark eyes were raised as the little one stood motionless, looking at tho car riage and tho two "city gentlemen." "Lottie I Lottie 1 you littlo romp, whero are you?" Tho child started as the voice came floating out at tho open window above her. "I'm down here, chopping wood." A sweet, bright faco camo out among the roses which surrounded tho window, and then, with a merry laugh, the sister cried : "Oh I Lottie, you naughty izirl!" and disappeared to reappear, a moment later, at tho door. "Miss Susie Laurie, by all that is beautiful 1" cried Godfrey, nnd, tossing the reins to Horace, ho sprang out of tho vehicle, and in another moment was be side the young lady. "Tie up the horse, Ilorry, and come here," he said, a moment later. "Miss Laurie is kind enough to promise us a country tea." "I don't know what you think of Lottie," said their hostess, ns Bho led tho young men into tho pretty parlor; "for the child is perfectly crazy. Aunt Harriet felt uneaqual to tho constant gaycty of a watering-piace, this summer, anil she required some change of air. So we took this cottage to rusticate for a few months. It is Lottie's first Bcason of perfect freedom, and the child is absolutely crazy upon all country mat ters. Seeing some of tho farmer's child ren in tho neighborhood barefoot, sho steals away anil dolTs her shoes and stockings whenever sho can escape obser vation. Ah! here she comes I" Such a quiet-looking child, in dainty shoes and stockings, with a pure white dress and demure face, stole in, that Horace entered a laughing protest against the transformation; and tho cause of tho Btop before the gate was explained. There was something who can tell what? that made Susio Laurio not un willing to see Horace Lee's handsome fate again, and she consented to allow Lottie to bo painted. Aunt Harriet, who presided over the promised country tea, w as quito willing to agree to tho arrange ment, and' an appointment for a sitting the next day was made. It took a long time to get the sketches to suit tho young artist. Sometimes it was too early, sometimes it was too late. Often Lottie had escaped and was oil in the fields or woods; yet these mishaps never tried the temper of tho artist, or prevented his punctual appearance at tho appointed time. Long walks or drives wero made to look for the littlo wood chopper, and as Horace felt the sister's hand on his arm, or heard her sweet voice in his ear, ho would forget his uncle, Iiis picture, everything but the lovely face upon which ho gazed, and the happiness it was to bo near Susie Laurie. Oh! the old, old story! Who can tell all the whys and wherefores ? They met they loved ! The picture was finished at last, and placed in tho Academy to draw forth many praises and win the prize. Yet even the renewal of his uncle's faVor nnd the warm commendations of his friends did not give Horace the thrill of delight which he felt when Lottie put her arms around his neck and said. " Susie says you're going to be my brother, and I'm awful glad I" Annie Arnold in the Artist. Anything hut Dirt in the Nary. Did you notice that man walk over to the curb and spit in the street? I'll bet he's been on shipboard. There a man's got to use cither the spit-kids or spit over tho side of the vessel into the water. They'll stand anything but dirt in tho navy, you know. How is this for a daily routine: When tho bo's'n pipes up all hands in the morning they turn out, put un their hammocks, stow 'em away in the nettings, then sweep tho decks. Mess-cloths are spread, and after breakfast the decks are swept down again. At 11:30 A. M. sweepers are pTpcd and then mess-cloths are laid for dinner, after wnich she is Bwcpt fore and aft once more. It's done twice more, be fore supper and after supper, making six times a day. You musn't think they sweep only. Not a day passes but that the decks are either dry or v'et holy stoned. A holy-stone is a big stone, nut and smooth on one side. The center of a long rope is made fast to it, nud a sqmulof men lay hold of opposito ends and pull it backward and forward over the decks, which have been first wet down and sprinkled witn. sanu. In places that they cun't reach, cor ners, you know, they make men get down cm their knees with little haud ttoncs, called jmiyer-books, and scrub 'em out. After this they bend tho hose to tho pumps and wash the sand away. Men follow with squillgees, arrange ments shaped like a hoe, with a strip of rubber tacked to tho edge. They use em' to rub the heaviest part of the water otT the deckt?. Next comes another de tail with swabs. They arc like big hem) horses' tails, and are swung right and left. When the libers get well saturated the swab is rung and used over again. Light, fiat sheet-iron charcoal stoves, the under side three feet square, are then suspended bv long rods to within about a foot and a 'half of the deck, and swung backward and forward until the placo un- .derneath is pretty dry, when they shift them to other hammocK-liooKS ana re peat this process. This is done three times a week, and dry holy-stoning twice. On such days the sweepers are used live times. The decks are always like the driven snow, and wouldn't soil a cambric handkerchief at any time. Now you can understand why a sailor learns io use the spit-kids well, cuspidors--look here, who's spinning this yarn? Cincinnati Euuu'utr, PERILS OF AC0AL MINE. DANGERS Elf COUNTERED BT MIWER3 IN THE COLLIE EIE3. Some IInrveloii Kwrnpe from In ktitiilniicuun Hen III Saved oulf hf n Display of rcat JMervc. "Escapes 1 Yes, sir; I've had one or two near shaves; and I don't suppose there's a man on tho colliery but what could say the same." Tho speaker was a hardy, toil-worn coal-miner, who had como to see mo on somo parish business. And many is tho thrilline tale which, by considerable pres sure for bo it known that most of these men think lightly and speak but little of their dangers the country parson may extract from his"fellow men in black" among the coal pits. "Yes, sir; I've had one or two. Once I was let down into the sump in eight feet of water." This man wasashaftsman. The "shaft," as you know or perhaps you don't know is the circular perpendicular "weli" by which access is gained to tho horizontal beds of coal lying at various depths before the surface. The depth of the 6haft in various mines ranges from tens to hundreds of fathoms. The duty of the shaftmen is to keep this in r 'pair. Often their work must be done sitting with one leg through a loop attached to the steel wire rope by which they are drawn up and down, or standing on a siinpre scaf fold hung to the side of tho shaft ; and a man needs a stout heart nnd steady nerve to work placidly, suspended over a chasm a hundred fathoms deep. The ordinary mode,, however, of journeying up and down the shaft is in the "cage," an iron structure open to two sides, steadied in its course by two grooves, which fit in two wooden "guides" extending tho whole depth, and fixed to tho Bides of the shaft. I must also explain that the "sump" is the very bottom of the shaft. The shaft is sunk a few fathoms lower than the lowest scam of coal that is being worked. In the lowest part of tho shaft, euphoniously termed the "sump," the water which oozes from the sides of tho shaft finds its way, is constantly being pumped out, to prevent tho flooding of the pit. How could a man be let down into the sump and escape alive, seemed a mystery to me. "How on earth did you get out?" I asked. "I suppose they drew the cago up at once?" "Never," said tho shaftmnn. "Tho engineman by mistake or accident, ran her right down into the sump, and there she stuck, while tho other cage was right up at the pulleys. The engine power was lost, and he coukln t get ner up." "Then how did you escape?" I asked, breathlessly. "Why," he answered, with a grim smile, "I had to get out the way they catch sparrows at Gateshead." "How's that?" "The best way I could. I managed to get out of the cage. There was only just room to squeeze up between tho cago and the side of the sump, and I climbed up by the timbers to the top of the water. I was near done when 1 got out, and then I had to travel round about and get out by a stupple. It was two hours before I got home. The engine man was nearly oil his head. They were all sure I was killed, and were seeking about how to get the cage up again." "Wasn't it awful going down?" I said. "Didn't you lose your head?" "I can tell you it was. The cage camo down with a run, and clashed into the water like a clap of thunder." "What did you think?" I asked. "I wonder yoU kept your senses." "Well," ho said, "I knew what was going to happen, when I felt her going. The water came in on me, and I knew there was eight feet above me; and I thought: 'Well, it's a queer thing if I've come here to be drowned.' I had my thick leather jacket on; and I swallowed a lot of water; but I scrambled out some how. But it was a near thing, I can tell you. "Oh," he continued, "there are queer tilings happen. Once, another man and I were drawn up over tho pulley. That's not the big pulleys, you know, sir; but the little wheel with tho small rope, a (ew feet above tho shaft, which we use for shaft work. This other man and I had been at work, sitting in the loops hanging on the rope; ami when tho en j'inedrew us up again, she 'ran away,' and drew us right over tho pulley. At least I went over; and the other man hung on the other side balancing. . My hands were cut with the wheel ; but I held on till they got us down. But it was a roughish ride, was that. Well, good night, sir." I wondered how many lives this man had, and how ho could go away so cheer fully to meet day by day the perils of his toil. Tho following may show that gratitude to a higher power is oftener felt than ex pressed to the outer world. Pardon a lit tlo preliminary detail. Square tubs, on four wheels, running on tram lines along the workings of the pit,arcused for draw ing the coals to the shaft. On some oc casions, as when going to a distant part of the workings, one or two tubs will bo drawn by a pony, each tub carrying per haps four men. When the scams arc. low, there will be a space of only a few inches between tho edge of the tub and the "balks" of timber placed crosswise to sup port the roof of the coal seam; thus the men must keep their heads down to the level of tho edge of the tub. "On oni! occasion," said my informant, "three of us were crouched down in a tub, Tho pony was going at a walk up a slight rise. I can't tell you how it happened, but I must have raised my head un consciously above the level of the tub. I felt my forehead touch a-crossbeam in tho roof, ami before I had time to relied, 1 kuev llmt I was ju deadly peril. The forward movement of- the tub jammed my head between tho beam and the edge of tho tub. I gave myself a wrench, trying to get free ; but I couldn't. All this of course passed in a fraction of a second, and I gave myself up as dead. Now comes the most wonderful part. At the very timo my head touched the roof, in the very crisis of my agony of mind, when the whole situation flashed on me, the pony stopped. No ono had touched it or spoken to it. I had uttered no cry The pony stopped. I drew down my head, and crouched almost fainting in the tub. My life was saved. I never told my companions until we came out, when they remarked how palo I looked. For weeks, whenever I went down tho pit, I was almost unnerved by this terrible recollection. And I tell you, sir, I've read of drowning people seeing at a glance all the past scenes and doings of their lives I never thought much of it but I tell you, every scene and deed of my life seemed to come before me in a flash of light. I saw everything. I have never forgotten, and shall never forget, the feeling of that day. How it was that pony stopped and my life was saved, I can't say; but if it wasn't Providence, I don't know what else it can be." A similar miraculous escape was told mo by one of tho managers of a pit. "I was down making a survey, with a man nnd a young assistant. We sat down to rest side by side, our backs against the wall of tho coal. The man was sitting on my right hand, the assistant on my left. After we had sat a few seconds, the assistant, with no apparent reason, got up and went and sat nt t he other end of the row, next to the man. He had no sooner sat down, than, without any warning, a huge mass of stone crashed down from tho roof on the very spot whero the assistant had been silting ! Part of it grazed my arm, but did no in jury. 'A near shave for you," we both said to the assistant. 'It was a near shave,' he replied, somewhat nervously. We went on with our work. Perhaps we spoke lightly ; but I believe not one of us could have said all ho thought." Chambers' Journal. The Rio Market. Worlds within themselves are the mar kets or mercados of Rio. Great are they in extent, rich in variety, teeming in in terest and loud in smell. Tho visitor will have no difficulty in finding these interesting places if he follows tho dic tates of his own organ of smell, for tho odor of the markets is greater, stronger and richer than all tho other odors of the city, and can be detected a square or so away. The market I would essay to tell you about, and the ono that often attracted mo at times when I felt able to wade through the unpleas antness of tho place, is situated on tho bay shore, and has its docks for tho fish and vegetable boats. You may have seen the French market in New Orleans. If you have, and are gifted with an imagination that can picture a similar place a little larger in size, many times more curious and crowded, twenty times more dirty, you may have a faint idea of what this mar ket may be like. In its area, which is about equal to that of an ordinary city square,arc comprised a greater assortment of things than could be dreamed of in a month. In sheds and stalls and stands are offered for sale a most miscellaneous lot of merchandise, perishable and other wise. Everything you couid find in tho North is here, beside tho infinite variety of things the existence of which tho people of tho Noith never had the faint est idea. Next to a stall where is dis played a chaotic stock of notions and " general store" goods, in many of which we recognize the handiwork of the Yankee, we find a vegetable stand, where is ollercd for sale everything that grows and possesses any value as food the fruits of the tropics, pumpkins, sec tions of the ediblo palm-trees, mundioca and other vegetable looking things that the Hoosier could not call by name. This ediblo palm beats everything in the food line I know of. We see pieces of round, green, pithy wood two or three inches in diameter and as long as a stick of cordwood, and can hardly be convinced that this should bean article in the bill-of-fare of the natives, yet we are assured that it is a popular food among the poorer inhabi tants. The palm-tree serves the natives manifold purposes. They build houses and roof them with materials from the tree, they make clothing nnd thread, tools, household utensils, and I forget to what other uses they put the tree, beside eating tho trunk. Next to the vegetable stall we'll find a crockery establishment. The bulk of this stock will be seen to be water cool ers, bottles, etc., of the Dutch porous ware, which 3 so well adapted for use in the tropics. But of all the bewilder ing maze of Uiiugs, animate and inani mate, tho poultry booths will hold most of. the visitor's attention. Tho boxes of chickens, pigeons, , ducks, etc., that are so familiar to our eyes we pass with a glance, but tho cages of canaries, finches, flamingoes, parrots, paroquets, cockatoos, and others of tho plumed tribe, valued either lor their musical abil ity, loquacity or plumage, retain our in terest. You may say that the latter named arc queer poultry. It does seem funny to see roosters and hens, that look so natural we could almost believe in the poultry department of Indiana county fair, and thu rarest birds of tho tropics side and side, but so we find it here. Amid tho scores of birds, tho species of which 1' am ignorant, I found a sedate and solemn toucan, with its preponder ance of bill. We saw this same bird every t.hnc wo visited the place, and we became very familiar, bo familiar, in fact, that the major felt free to call him "Doe tor" a name suggested b the size of tho bill, Mil Waytotnl. Not a nail is used iu the construction of hutiM-s iu Japan. They are put to- ' gether by a method of nioit Uiw.',. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. Luminous paint has been applied to harness with desirablo results. At night the position of the horse i clearly indi cated, and it does not appear that tho animal is alarmed in the sligctcst by his bright equipment. In the stores of Paris glass is taking the place of wood for flooring. It costs more than wood, but it lasts longer, and beside bcinar easily kept clean allows enough light to be transmitted through its roughened surface for the employe to work by on the floor beneath. The glass is cast in squares and set in strong iron frames. Lieutenant Diek, of the Russian nrmy, has discovered a new luminous powder which has three colors green, yellow and violet, tho last-named giving the most powerful light. Mixed with water in a glass vessel, an illuminating liquid is produced which may prove very useful in mining and military operations. The illuminating power lasts for eight hours, when fresh powder must be added. Dr. Carter Moffat recently delivered a lecture in Glasgow to a largo audience, mainly composed of professional men and musical critics, on voice training by chemical means. Dr. Moffat maintained that the presence of peroxide of hydro gen in the air and dew of Italy had some connection with the beauty of the Italian vocal tone. A series of illustrations by Eersons taken from the audience, who in aled a chemical compound made'to rep resent Italian air, are said to have been very satisfactory a full, clear rich, mel low tone being produced by one appli cation. M. Girard, director of the Paris Mu nicipal laboratory, says that the chemi cal knowledge applied to the concoction of spurious foods and drinks is of a very high order, and would suffice to make the fortunes of the adulterators a dozen times over, if applied iu an hon est capacity. The matter which seems to have aroused him of late is a pecul iarly ingenious thing in gooseberry jelly. It appears that the article is made entire ly of seaweed. Tho coloring matter is fuchsine, and the flavor is given by a compound of acetic ether, tartaric acid, aldehyde, and cenanthic. Inspectors often recognize it from the fact that it is "a little more elegant than the gen uine article." WISE WORDS. There is no use in sweeping a chamber if all the dust comes out of the broom. Even genius itself is but fine observa tion strengthened by fixity of purpose. Nothing so exasperates some natures as to bo first thwarted, and then severely let alone. There is no contagion so mysterious and awfully rapid in its transmission as that of a panic. Imitate time. It destroys slowly. It undermines, wears, loosens, separates. It does not uproot. Oh ! the malign power of one evil deed ! Who can tell when and where its deadly influence will cease? An innate dignity and reserve is a true woman's sure protection unless men are equal to brute violence. No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truer. In those who wish to bo happy the passions must be cheerful and gay, not gloomy and melancholy. A propensity to hope and joy is real riches ; to fear and sorrow, real poverty. Virtue is so powerful that of herself she will, in epite of all tho necromancy possessed by the first inventor, Zoroaster, come oil conqueror iu every severe trial, and shine refulgent in the world, as the sun shines in the heavens. The Church Sleeper. The sleeper. He will be there. Per ad venture he leaneth his chin on a cane, so that when tho moment of deep nnd prcfound slumber cometh upon him his chin slippeth off, and with the bang of his head upon the pew in front of him he is awakened. Or, the slumbcrer may sit bolt upright and nod in time to his sleep and regular bieathing. Only when you cast your eyes upon him, the watch ful w ife at his bosom stabs him with her tlbow, and he glarcth on the congrega tion as one who would say: "lie that sayeth that I sleep, the same is a liar and a villain and a horse thief." Or, if he bo so that he leaneth his head back until tho lid thereof falleth down between his shoulders and he pluyeth fantastic, tunes with his nose, insomuch that the boys in tho gallery make merry over the same, then it is hazardous to awaken this slum bcrer right suddenly, because he drenm elh of divers things, ami sayeth to the tithing man who shaketh him up: "Hey? ha! ha! yes, all right? I'm up." And thus tho congregation is scandalized. But if he foldcth his handkerchief over the back of the pew in 'front, and bow eth his head devotedly on the same, even in that moment when the tct is pronounced, then will that sleeper trouble no one, but will slumber sweetly on until the time of the benediction; and will awake relrcshcd and smiling, and lit! will extol tho sermon and magnify the preach er. He is the old timer from Sleepy Hol low. Burddte. Something to Fill I'p. "I suppose you often want something to fill up your paper with?'' said a man, coming into a country ncw.-p.ipcr tmice with a four-column communication ui a patent, duplex, double back-action bar tow of his own invention. "Oh. no," said the man of the quill, "the paier is full enough. It is the editor who want something to till up with. Thi; wul make four columns and two sticks -rrty-two dollar--, please.'" Mi !..: Tmimcrij't, THE -WOOING OT. A lawyer once, unlike most of his cla1 A modest man, fell dead in love. A lass He worshiped quite, but still his secret kept Till up the scale his cautious courage crept, And, well assured no one hia purpose knew, lie started out with this sole aim in view To wit, to woo, Hi3 way led through a wood, .the shadow fell, His waning courage shadowy grew aa well, Until he asked himself, disheartened quite, " Why am I hero at this tune of the nightr An answer from a tree-top loud and clear, Iu legal language couched, fell on his ear "To wit! to woo!" He fled in fear, although he knew no ono saw For fear, like many a lawyer, knows no law: The bird of wisdom perching overhead Slow flapped his wings, winked warily and said: "Why should this be! Such haste I never knew. He sure an unwise pur)oso had in view To wit! to woo!" ENVOY. Take well to heart thia.text draivn from the wood: Your modest wooer never comes to good. Though all the world your secret clearly knows, And through unheard-of shades your path way goes, Let not your courage fail whateer you do; Your wit keep always clearest when you woo. William Howard Carpenter, in tht Century. HUMOR OF THE DAY. A slipshod affair Tho banana-skin. A thveshing-machino Tho school teacher. A burr in the bush is worth two in the hair. Jud'je. "There's a screw looe somewhere," aa the scissors said when they fell asunder. The Judge. "The bravest is the teridercst," is par ticularly true of celery that has stood against frost. Picayune. "Wisely improve the" present, is good advice," said the newly-married man, as ho sold a duplicate wedding gift." Philadelphia Call. TOO CLOSE FOR HER. "I wont go in a sleeping car," A lady said all out of breath; "It's awful close, and if I do -My berth will be my death." Merchant- Traveler. An irresistible desire came over a Da kota man to kick his daughter's beau, and forgetting that he had but one leg, he attempted it. He sat down so hard that his head had to be pulled out of his neck by his hair. Bismarck Tribune. Spring bottom pants are now in fash ion. They enable the suspecting young man to spring out of danger the moment a lady of uncertain age leaps in his di rection. This sun will take half the horrors out of leap-year. Peck's Sun. It is sweet to sit, on a gray day. And see the snow-Hakes fall Like blossom upon a Mav-day Along the verdant mall, . And S'J tiie well-pa-'kod icy sphere Take the pedestrian on the ear. J-Puck. "Twenty-seven hundred bills presented at Washington," exclaimed a fond little Pittsburg wife. "What. a lot of bills! And here is my John making a terrible fuss over one littlo milliner's bill with nothing in it but three little bonnets and two small hats!" Telegraph. "May I ask you for the loan of a dol lar?" inquired an impecunious acquaint ance of Biobsou. "You may, sir," was the frigid reply, "and if you hear any thing from tha't one I lent you last Tues day, I wish you'd let me know by tele phone." Burlington Free Prm. "Ah!" exclaimed Fogg, as he enterod the store of the man who never adverti ses, "do vou know that I always like to eomein "here?" "Do you?" asked the delighted shopkeeper. "Yes," said Fogg, "it's such a relief to get out of thecrowd, you know." Hartford Pod. Tho smartness of some girls is only equaled by the stupidity or some men. When Yeast's girl made the remark a number of times ut a public reception, the other evening, that sho felt like go ing through a hole in the floor, Yeast little dreamed that tho restaurant was just beneath them. Ma teaman. Last week one of those smart Alexan ders called at this office and stated briefly but gramaticallv that he wanted to take editorial charge' of the paper. We told him lirmlv, "No." "What ! is there no openin" for a man of vim and brains "Yes sir," said we. "Where?" said ho. "Why, there, sir, the door." Chicago Eye. A BOAlinlNU-HOt SK BEAUTV. Here is thu waitress Mary, rSerene, ami hhthe and gay: In manner hht and airy Hlie lioars Uie brtyikfast-tray. She always calls ma early. When I would early rise, Her hair is brown and curly, And blue her dreamy eyes. She never keeps me wuiting, When 1 would hurry up; But in a style elating Ki tills my eotfee cup. Sho brings me rolls and batter The former never cold And 1 can only mutter: '.she's worth her weight in gold." My brush umii her ringlets She vows sin! never trie: The KtiMiLs nud chops audthiugleta (She luoils and never fries. Herself sho ne'er amuses With alcoholic drums Mv razor neer she uses Y hen sho would ope" clams. Not long with u-i h.-'ll tarry, Next niouih she's ot to stop, because slid s g uui to marry luk i Annual.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers