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V0L.IV1. NO. 48.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY. MAKCH 12, 1884.
$1.00 PER ANNUM.
MY CREDITOR.
Oh, Lovel
Most sovereign power!
by every t -n icr token, .
Hy every fond word spokon
by every hojie and sigh.
The glanoiiiK of an eye,
Tho tell tain blush,
The hectic. Hush,
Hmile, rhapody, or tears,
Unsjxiken doubts or fears,
Unwritten songs to sunshine wed,
Celestial dreams by fancy fed,
From early morn to midnight hour,
Eaoh day, each day,
Must I betray,
And evor prove,
Oh, Love! ah me! v
How much am I in debt to thool
Oh, Love!
I hero protest
By every bond and fetter
I'm an Insolvent debtor,
With but thy revenue
To cancel debts long due.
Early and late
I liquidate
With Love what'er I owe
To either friend or foe;
With pitying heart and willing hand
Iioonii)i unto each demand
t Wlih Love's accruing interest.
Life cWh, and yet
' I'm in thy debt;
And, dying, prove,
Oh, Love I ah me!
I cannot got release from thee.
Joaephin Pollard.
THE WOOD CHOPPER.
'You are really too bud, Horace 1" and
a touch of tho whip to Whitcfoot's sides
emphasized Godfrey Howell's impatient
exclamation.
His companion started from his rever
ies, and with a good-natured laugh
asked, "Why ?"
" Why f Have wo not been ridin"
Bide by Bide- for nearly three hours, and
have you not been mute as a fish nil the
time t I've suggested opera, tho weather,
the state of the nation, and various other
Original topics in vain; even a slightly
disparaging remark upon the fair
Clemmie's beauty only called forth a
lazy ' Do you think so ?' "
. " Why should I be Miss Ryan's do
fender ?"
"You admired her last winter."
. " Oh, yes, as lately ns this spring; but
an accident revealed to me so hollow nnd
heartless a naturo beneath her fair face,
that I felt my admiration dio instantly.
Oh f Godfrey, are there any real and true
women left ?"
"Sweet, innocent creatures! composed
of all tho domestic virtues bound in
shilling calico 1 Pray, wero you dream
ing of such one in your long revcrio f"
"No; I was thinking "
" So I imagined. Come, out with it ;
I am quito curious to hear what formed
tho subject of your thoughts. "
" I must go back n little to make you
quite understand why they were so en
grossing. You may have 1 card that my
uncle, who adopted me when I lost my
parents, was nn eccentric, indeed some
said almost a crazy, man. And ho cer
tainly had very peculiar notions. Among
these was a fixed aversion to authors, ac
tors, painters, sculptors, and I am quot
ing his words 'other gentlemen vaga
bonds.' You may, then, imagine his
fury when I declared my intention of be
coming an artist. Every threat in the
English language, every sort of abuse
was poured out upon my devoted head
to try and movo me; but L felt 'hat a
higher power had placed the longing in
my Boul for my happiness, and 1 was
resolute. ' Then entreaties harder to resist
than tho threats, were tried; but my own
convictions of tho true aim of my life
were not to be shaken. I had my little
inheritance from my mother, and,
by care, I could make that
cover the expenses of my education,
So the threat to disinherit me was power
less like all the rest, and I sailed for
Italy, firmly determined to return an
artist. There had been a strong love be
tween my undo and myself. 1 honored
his good qualities, and' was willing, for
their siik', to humor his whims; and I
was the only child of his only sister,
whom ho lev ;d devotedly. So when I
returned he sent for me, and in his own
queer way made a bargain with me. It
I will paint him one good picture, get
it admitted to the academy, draw the
prize, and sell it for enough to prove that
my art will not beggar me, he will for
give me all my obstinacy and take me
Lome again "
"Well, where is the difficulty? You
have painted pictures worthy of a place
in tho academy, and, if 1 mistake not,
jold them too."
" They were all either portraits or his
torical subjects. For this, my greatest
effort, I want something new, something
original. Historical subjects are so hack
neyed, and I don't wanttobe represented
in the catalogue by 'Portrait of a lady.'
I wai thinking over, for tho hundredth
time, ull the subjects that have yet sug
gested themselves, when you spoke to
me." . .
"Look!" cried Godfrey, reining his
horse and pointing forward with the
whip; " there is a subject!"
Through the broken gateway, which
led frointhe road to u cottage, Horace
saw his picture. The background was
the stone-wall of the house, nnd tho sur
roundings were a pile of wood a gate,
and the soft, green grass. Kneeling upon
the largest log, with both chubby hands,
to raise the heavy ax, was a child, whose
white, polished limbs and lovely face
were fair enough to rouse any soul to ad
miration. The dark blue dress of wool
len fabric was scant c noutrh to leave the
dimpled shoulders and arms bare, and
the plump, white foot . had ueither shoe
POT blocking 10 jmie Ha spiemuu ucmti;
Dark chestnut curls, escaping from a
scarlet hood, shaded a bright fuco, whoso
largo dark eyes were raised as the little
one stood motionless, looking at tho car
riage and tho two "city gentlemen."
"Lottie I Lottie 1 you littlo romp,
whero are you?"
Tho child started as the voice came
floating out at tho open window above
her.
"I'm down here, chopping wood."
A sweet, bright faco camo out among
the roses which surrounded tho window,
and then, with a merry laugh, the sister
cried :
"Oh I Lottie, you naughty izirl!" and
disappeared to reappear, a moment later,
at tho door.
"Miss Susie Laurie, by all that is
beautiful 1" cried Godfrey, nnd, tossing
the reins to Horace, ho sprang out of tho
vehicle, and in another moment was be
side the young lady.
"Tie up the horse, Ilorry, and come
here," he said, a moment later. "Miss
Laurie is kind enough to promise us a
country tea."
"I don't know what you think of
Lottie," said their hostess, ns Bho led
tho young men into tho pretty parlor;
"for the child is perfectly crazy. Aunt
Harriet felt uneaqual to tho constant
gaycty of a watering-piace, this summer,
anil she required some change of air. So
we took this cottage to rusticate for a
few months. It is Lottie's first Bcason
of perfect freedom, and the child is
absolutely crazy upon all country mat
ters. Seeing some of tho farmer's child
ren in tho neighborhood barefoot, sho
steals away anil dolTs her shoes and
stockings whenever sho can escape obser
vation. Ah! here she comes I"
Such a quiet-looking child, in dainty
shoes and stockings, with a pure white
dress and demure face, stole in, that
Horace entered a laughing protest against
the transformation; and tho cause of tho
Btop before the gate was explained.
There was something who can tell
what? that made Susio Laurio not un
willing to see Horace Lee's handsome
fate again, and she consented to allow
Lottie to bo painted. Aunt Harriet, who
presided over the promised country tea,
w as quito willing to agree to tho arrange
ment, and' an appointment for a sitting
the next day was made.
It took a long time to get the sketches
to suit tho young artist. Sometimes it
was too early, sometimes it was too late.
Often Lottie had escaped and was oil in
the fields or woods; yet these mishaps
never tried the temper of tho artist, or
prevented his punctual appearance at tho
appointed time. Long walks or drives
wero made to look for the littlo wood
chopper, and as Horace felt the sister's
hand on his arm, or heard her sweet
voice in his ear, ho would forget his
uncle, Iiis picture, everything but the
lovely face upon which ho gazed, and
the happiness it was to bo near Susie
Laurie.
Oh! the old, old story! Who can tell
all the whys and wherefores ? They met
they loved !
The picture was finished at last, and
placed in tho Academy to draw forth
many praises and win the prize. Yet
even the renewal of his uncle's faVor nnd
the warm commendations of his friends
did not give Horace the thrill of delight
which he felt when Lottie put her arms
around his neck and said.
" Susie says you're going to be my
brother, and I'm awful glad I" Annie
Arnold in the Artist.
Anything hut Dirt in the Nary.
Did you notice that man walk over to
the curb and spit in the street? I'll bet
he's been on shipboard. There a man's
got to use cither the spit-kids or spit
over tho side of the vessel into the
water. They'll stand anything but dirt
in tho navy, you know. How is this for
a daily routine: When tho bo's'n pipes
up all hands in the morning they turn
out, put un their hammocks, stow 'em
away in the nettings, then sweep tho
decks. Mess-cloths are spread, and after
breakfast the decks are swept down
again. At 11:30 A. M. sweepers are
pTpcd and then mess-cloths are laid for
dinner, after wnich she is Bwcpt fore and
aft once more. It's done twice more, be
fore supper and after supper, making six
times a day. You musn't think they
sweep only. Not a day passes but that
the decks are either dry or v'et holy
stoned. A holy-stone is a big stone, nut
and smooth on one side. The center of
a long rope is made fast to it, nud a
sqmulof men lay hold of opposito ends
and pull it backward and forward over
the decks, which have been first wet
down and sprinkled witn. sanu.
In places that they cun't reach, cor
ners, you know, they make men get
down cm their knees with little haud
ttoncs, called jmiyer-books, and scrub
'em out. After this they bend tho hose
to tho pumps and wash the sand away.
Men follow with squillgees, arrange
ments shaped like a hoe, with a strip of
rubber tacked to tho edge. They use
em' to rub the heaviest part of the water
otT the deckt?. Next comes another de
tail with swabs. They arc like big hem)
horses' tails, and are swung right and
left. When the libers get well saturated
the swab is rung and used over again.
Light, fiat sheet-iron charcoal stoves, the
under side three feet square, are then
suspended bv long rods to within about
a foot and a 'half of the deck, and swung
backward and forward until the placo un-
.derneath is pretty dry, when they shift
them to other hammocK-liooKS ana re
peat this process. This is done three
times a week, and dry holy-stoning
twice. On such days the sweepers are
used live times. The decks are always
like the driven snow, and wouldn't soil a
cambric handkerchief at any time. Now
you can understand why a sailor learns
io use the spit-kids well, cuspidors--look
here, who's spinning this yarn?
Cincinnati Euuu'utr,
PERILS OF AC0AL MINE.
DANGERS Elf COUNTERED BT MIWER3
IN THE COLLIE EIE3.
Some IInrveloii Kwrnpe from In
ktitiilniicuun Hen III Saved oulf hf
n Display of rcat JMervc.
"Escapes 1 Yes, sir; I've had one or
two near shaves; and I don't suppose
there's a man on tho colliery but what
could say the same."
Tho speaker was a hardy, toil-worn
coal-miner, who had como to see mo on
somo parish business. And many is tho
thrilline tale which, by considerable pres
sure for bo it known that most of these
men think lightly and speak but little of
their dangers the country parson may
extract from his"fellow men in black"
among the coal pits.
"Yes, sir; I've had one or two. Once
I was let down into the sump in eight
feet of water."
This man wasashaftsman. The "shaft,"
as you know or perhaps you don't know
is the circular perpendicular "weli" by
which access is gained to tho horizontal
beds of coal lying at various depths before
the surface. The depth of the 6haft
in various mines ranges from tens to
hundreds of fathoms. The duty of the
shaftmen is to keep this in r 'pair. Often
their work must be done sitting with one
leg through a loop attached to the steel
wire rope by which they are drawn up
and down, or standing on a siinpre scaf
fold hung to the side of tho shaft ; and a
man needs a stout heart nnd steady nerve
to work placidly, suspended over a chasm
a hundred fathoms deep. The ordinary
mode,, however, of journeying up and
down the shaft is in the "cage," an iron
structure open to two sides, steadied in
its course by two grooves, which fit in
two wooden "guides" extending tho
whole depth, and fixed to tho Bides of
the shaft. I must also explain that the
"sump" is the very bottom of the shaft.
The shaft is sunk a few fathoms lower
than the lowest scam of coal that is being
worked. In the lowest part of tho shaft,
euphoniously termed the "sump," the
water which oozes from the sides of tho
shaft finds its way, is constantly being
pumped out, to prevent tho flooding of
the pit.
How could a man be let down into the
sump and escape alive, seemed a mystery
to me. "How on earth did you get out?"
I asked. "I suppose they drew the cago
up at once?"
"Never," said tho shaftmnn. "Tho
engineman by mistake or accident, ran
her right down into the sump, and there
she stuck, while tho other cage was right
up at the pulleys. The engine power
was lost, and he coukln t get ner up."
"Then how did you escape?" I asked,
breathlessly.
"Why," he answered, with a grim
smile, "I had to get out the way they
catch sparrows at Gateshead."
"How's that?"
"The best way I could. I managed to
get out of the cage. There was only
just room to squeeze up between tho
cago and the side of the sump, and I
climbed up by the timbers to the top of
the water. I was near done when 1 got
out, and then I had to travel round about
and get out by a stupple. It was two
hours before I got home. The engine
man was nearly oil his head. They were
all sure I was killed, and were seeking
about how to get the cage up again."
"Wasn't it awful going down?" I said.
"Didn't you lose your head?"
"I can tell you it was. The cage camo
down with a run, and clashed into the
water like a clap of thunder."
"What did you think?" I asked. "I
wonder yoU kept your senses."
"Well," ho said, "I knew what was
going to happen, when I felt her going.
The water came in on me, and I knew
there was eight feet above me; and I
thought: 'Well, it's a queer thing if I've
come here to be drowned.' I had my
thick leather jacket on; and I swallowed
a lot of water; but I scrambled out some
how. But it was a near thing, I can tell
you.
"Oh," he continued, "there are queer
tilings happen. Once, another man and
I were drawn up over tho pulley. That's
not the big pulleys, you know, sir; but
the little wheel with tho small rope, a
(ew feet above tho shaft, which we use
for shaft work. This other man and I
had been at work, sitting in the loops
hanging on the rope; ami when tho en
j'inedrew us up again, she 'ran away,'
and drew us right over tho pulley. At
least I went over; and the other man
hung on the other side balancing. . My
hands were cut with the wheel ; but I
held on till they got us down. But it
was a roughish ride, was that. Well,
good night, sir."
I wondered how many lives this man
had, and how ho could go away so cheer
fully to meet day by day the perils of his
toil.
Tho following may show that gratitude
to a higher power is oftener felt than ex
pressed to the outer world. Pardon a lit
tlo preliminary detail. Square tubs, on
four wheels, running on tram lines along
the workings of the pit,arcused for draw
ing the coals to the shaft. On some oc
casions, as when going to a distant part
of the workings, one or two tubs will bo
drawn by a pony, each tub carrying per
haps four men. When the scams arc. low,
there will be a space of only a few inches
between tho edge of the tub and the
"balks" of timber placed crosswise to sup
port the roof of the coal seam; thus the
men must keep their heads down to the
level of tho edge of the tub.
"On oni! occasion," said my informant,
"three of us were crouched down in a tub,
Tho pony was going at a walk up a slight
rise. I can't tell you how it happened,
but I must have raised my head un
consciously above the level of the tub.
I felt my forehead touch a-crossbeam
in tho roof, ami before I had time to
relied, 1 kuev llmt I was ju deadly peril.
The forward movement of- the tub
jammed my head between tho beam and
the edge of tho tub. I gave myself a
wrench, trying to get free ; but I couldn't.
All this of course passed in a fraction of
a second, and I gave myself up as dead.
Now comes the most wonderful part.
At the very timo my head touched the
roof, in the very crisis of my agony of
mind, when the whole situation flashed
on me, the pony stopped. No ono had
touched it or spoken to it. I had uttered
no cry The pony stopped. I drew
down my head, and crouched almost
fainting in the tub. My life was saved.
I never told my companions until we
came out, when they remarked how palo
I looked. For weeks, whenever I went
down tho pit, I was almost unnerved by
this terrible recollection. And I tell you,
sir, I've read of drowning people seeing
at a glance all the past scenes and doings
of their lives I never thought much of
it but I tell you, every scene and deed
of my life seemed to come before me in a
flash of light. I saw everything. I have
never forgotten, and shall never forget,
the feeling of that day. How it was
that pony stopped and my life was saved,
I can't say; but if it wasn't Providence,
I don't know what else it can be."
A similar miraculous escape was told
mo by one of tho managers of a pit.
"I was down making a survey, with a
man nnd a young assistant. We sat down
to rest side by side, our backs against the
wall of tho coal. The man was sitting
on my right hand, the assistant on my
left. After we had sat a few seconds,
the assistant, with no apparent reason,
got up and went and sat nt t he other end
of the row, next to the man. He had no
sooner sat down, than, without any
warning, a huge mass of stone crashed
down from tho roof on the very spot
whero the assistant had been silting !
Part of it grazed my arm, but did no in
jury. 'A near shave for you," we both
said to the assistant. 'It was a near
shave,' he replied, somewhat nervously.
We went on with our work. Perhaps
we spoke lightly ; but I believe not one of
us could have said all ho thought."
Chambers' Journal.
The Rio Market.
Worlds within themselves are the mar
kets or mercados of Rio. Great are they
in extent, rich in variety, teeming in in
terest and loud in smell. Tho visitor
will have no difficulty in finding these
interesting places if he follows tho dic
tates of his own organ of smell, for tho
odor of the markets is greater, stronger
and richer than all tho other odors of
the city, and can be detected a square
or so away. The market I would essay
to tell you about, and the ono that
often attracted mo at times when I
felt able to wade through the unpleas
antness of tho place, is situated on tho
bay shore, and has its docks for tho
fish and vegetable boats. You may
have seen the French market in
New Orleans. If you have, and are
gifted with an imagination that can
picture a similar place a little larger in
size, many times more curious and
crowded, twenty times more dirty, you
may have a faint idea of what this mar
ket may be like. In its area, which is
about equal to that of an ordinary city
square,arc comprised a greater assortment
of things than could be dreamed of in a
month. In sheds and stalls and stands
are offered for sale a most miscellaneous
lot of merchandise, perishable and other
wise. Everything you couid find in tho
North is here, beside tho infinite variety
of things the existence of which tho
people of tho Noith never had the faint
est idea. Next to a stall where is dis
played a chaotic stock of notions and
" general store" goods, in many of which
we recognize the handiwork of the
Yankee, we find a vegetable stand,
where is ollercd for sale everything that
grows and possesses any value as food
the fruits of the tropics, pumpkins, sec
tions of the ediblo palm-trees, mundioca
and other vegetable looking things that
the Hoosier could not call by name.
This ediblo palm beats everything
in the food line I know of. We
see pieces of round, green, pithy
wood two or three inches in diameter
and as long as a stick of cordwood, and
can hardly be convinced that this should
bean article in the bill-of-fare of the
natives, yet we are assured that it is a
popular food among the poorer inhabi
tants. The palm-tree serves the natives
manifold purposes. They build houses
and roof them with materials from the
tree, they make clothing nnd thread,
tools, household utensils, and I forget to
what other uses they put the tree, beside
eating tho trunk.
Next to the vegetable stall we'll find a
crockery establishment. The bulk of
this stock will be seen to be water cool
ers, bottles, etc., of the Dutch porous
ware, which 3 so well adapted for use
in the tropics. But of all the bewilder
ing maze of Uiiugs, animate and inani
mate, tho poultry booths will hold most
of. the visitor's attention. Tho boxes
of chickens, pigeons, , ducks, etc.,
that are so familiar to our eyes we pass
with a glance, but tho cages of canaries,
finches, flamingoes, parrots, paroquets,
cockatoos, and others of tho plumed
tribe, valued either lor their musical abil
ity, loquacity or plumage, retain our in
terest. You may say that the latter
named arc queer poultry. It does seem
funny to see roosters and hens, that look
so natural we could almost believe in the
poultry department of Indiana county
fair, and thu rarest birds of tho tropics
side and side, but so we find it here.
Amid tho scores of birds, tho species of
which 1' am ignorant, I found a sedate
and solemn toucan, with its preponder
ance of bill. We saw this same bird
every t.hnc wo visited the place, and we
became very familiar, bo familiar, in fact,
that the major felt free to call him "Doe
tor" a name suggested b the size of tho
bill, Mil Waytotnl.
Not a nail is used iu the construction
of hutiM-s iu Japan. They are put to- '
gether by a method of nioit Uiw.',.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Luminous paint has been applied to
harness with desirablo results. At night
the position of the horse i clearly indi
cated, and it does not appear that tho
animal is alarmed in the sligctcst by his
bright equipment.
In the stores of Paris glass is taking
the place of wood for flooring. It costs
more than wood, but it lasts longer, and
beside bcinar easily kept clean allows
enough light to be transmitted through
its roughened surface for the employe
to work by on the floor beneath. The
glass is cast in squares and set in strong
iron frames.
Lieutenant Diek, of the Russian nrmy,
has discovered a new luminous powder
which has three colors green, yellow
and violet, tho last-named giving the
most powerful light. Mixed with water
in a glass vessel, an illuminating liquid
is produced which may prove very useful
in mining and military operations. The
illuminating power lasts for eight hours,
when fresh powder must be added.
Dr. Carter Moffat recently delivered a
lecture in Glasgow to a largo audience,
mainly composed of professional men and
musical critics, on voice training by
chemical means. Dr. Moffat maintained
that the presence of peroxide of hydro
gen in the air and dew of Italy had some
connection with the beauty of the Italian
vocal tone. A series of illustrations by
Eersons taken from the audience, who in
aled a chemical compound made'to rep
resent Italian air, are said to have been
very satisfactory a full, clear rich, mel
low tone being produced by one appli
cation. M. Girard, director of the Paris Mu
nicipal laboratory, says that the chemi
cal knowledge applied to the concoction
of spurious foods and drinks is of a
very high order, and would suffice to
make the fortunes of the adulterators a
dozen times over, if applied iu an hon
est capacity. The matter which seems
to have aroused him of late is a pecul
iarly ingenious thing in gooseberry jelly.
It appears that the article is made entire
ly of seaweed. Tho coloring matter is
fuchsine, and the flavor is given by a
compound of acetic ether, tartaric acid,
aldehyde, and cenanthic. Inspectors
often recognize it from the fact that
it is "a little more elegant than the gen
uine article."
WISE WORDS.
There is no use in sweeping a chamber
if all the dust comes out of the broom.
Even genius itself is but fine observa
tion strengthened by fixity of purpose.
Nothing so exasperates some natures
as to bo first thwarted, and then severely
let alone.
There is no contagion so mysterious
and awfully rapid in its transmission as
that of a panic.
Imitate time. It destroys slowly. It
undermines, wears, loosens, separates. It
does not uproot.
Oh ! the malign power of one evil deed !
Who can tell when and where its deadly
influence will cease?
An innate dignity and reserve is a true
woman's sure protection unless men are
equal to brute violence.
No man, for any considerable period,
can wear one face to himself and another
to the multitude without finally getting
bewildered as to which may be the truer.
In those who wish to bo happy the
passions must be cheerful and gay, not
gloomy and melancholy. A propensity
to hope and joy is real riches ; to fear and
sorrow, real poverty.
Virtue is so powerful that of herself
she will, in epite of all tho necromancy
possessed by the first inventor, Zoroaster,
come oil conqueror iu every severe trial,
and shine refulgent in the world, as the
sun shines in the heavens.
The Church Sleeper.
The sleeper. He will be there. Per
ad venture he leaneth his chin on a cane,
so that when tho moment of deep nnd
prcfound slumber cometh upon him his
chin slippeth off, and with the bang of
his head upon the pew in front of him
he is awakened. Or, the slumbcrer may
sit bolt upright and nod in time to his
sleep and regular bieathing. Only when
you cast your eyes upon him, the watch
ful w ife at his bosom stabs him with her
tlbow, and he glarcth on the congrega
tion as one who would say: "lie that
sayeth that I sleep, the same is a liar and
a villain and a horse thief." Or, if he
bo so that he leaneth his head back until
tho lid thereof falleth down between his
shoulders and he pluyeth fantastic, tunes
with his nose, insomuch that the boys in
tho gallery make merry over the same,
then it is hazardous to awaken this slum
bcrer right suddenly, because he drenm
elh of divers things, ami sayeth to the
tithing man who shaketh him up: "Hey?
ha! ha! yes, all right? I'm up." And
thus tho congregation is scandalized.
But if he foldcth his handkerchief over
the back of the pew in 'front, and bow
eth his head devotedly on the same,
even in that moment when the tct is
pronounced, then will that sleeper trouble
no one, but will slumber sweetly on until
the time of the benediction; and will
awake relrcshcd and smiling, and lit! will
extol tho sermon and magnify the preach
er. He is the old timer from Sleepy Hol
low. Burddte.
Something to Fill I'p.
"I suppose you often want something
to fill up your paper with?'' said a man,
coming into a country ncw.-p.ipcr tmice
with a four-column communication ui a
patent, duplex, double back-action bar
tow of his own invention. "Oh. no,"
said the man of the quill, "the paier is
full enough. It is the editor who want
something to till up with. Thi; wul
make four columns and two sticks -rrty-two
dollar--, please.'" Mi !..:
Tmimcrij't,
THE -WOOING OT.
A lawyer once, unlike most of his cla1
A modest man, fell dead in love. A lass
He worshiped quite, but still his secret kept
Till up the scale his cautious courage crept,
And, well assured no one hia purpose knew,
lie started out with this sole aim in view
To wit, to woo,
Hi3 way led through a wood, .the shadow
fell,
His waning courage shadowy grew aa well,
Until he asked himself, disheartened quite,
" Why am I hero at this tune of the nightr
An answer from a tree-top loud and clear,
Iu legal language couched, fell on his ear
"To wit! to woo!"
He fled in fear, although he knew no ono saw
For fear, like many a lawyer, knows no law:
The bird of wisdom perching overhead
Slow flapped his wings, winked warily and
said:
"Why should this be! Such haste I never
knew.
He sure an unwise pur)oso had in view
To wit! to woo!"
ENVOY.
Take well to heart thia.text draivn from the
wood:
Your modest wooer never comes to good.
Though all the world your secret clearly
knows,
And through unheard-of shades your path
way goes,
Let not your courage fail whateer you do;
Your wit keep always clearest when you woo.
William Howard Carpenter, in tht
Century.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A slipshod affair Tho banana-skin.
A thveshing-machino Tho school
teacher. A burr in the bush is worth two in the
hair. Jud'je.
"There's a screw looe somewhere," aa
the scissors said when they fell asunder.
The Judge.
"The bravest is the teridercst," is par
ticularly true of celery that has stood
against frost. Picayune.
"Wisely improve the" present, is good
advice," said the newly-married man, as
ho sold a duplicate wedding gift."
Philadelphia Call.
TOO CLOSE FOR HER.
"I wont go in a sleeping car,"
A lady said all out of breath;
"It's awful close, and if I do -My
berth will be my death."
Merchant- Traveler.
An irresistible desire came over a Da
kota man to kick his daughter's beau,
and forgetting that he had but one leg,
he attempted it. He sat down so hard
that his head had to be pulled out of his
neck by his hair. Bismarck Tribune.
Spring bottom pants are now in fash
ion. They enable the suspecting young
man to spring out of danger the moment
a lady of uncertain age leaps in his di
rection. This sun will take half the
horrors out of leap-year. Peck's Sun.
It is sweet to sit, on a gray day.
And see the snow-Hakes fall
Like blossom upon a Mav-day
Along the verdant mall, .
And S'J tiie well-pa-'kod icy sphere
Take the pedestrian on the ear.
J-Puck.
"Twenty-seven hundred bills presented
at Washington," exclaimed a fond little
Pittsburg wife. "What. a lot of bills!
And here is my John making a terrible
fuss over one littlo milliner's bill with
nothing in it but three little bonnets and
two small hats!" Telegraph.
"May I ask you for the loan of a dol
lar?" inquired an impecunious acquaint
ance of Biobsou. "You may, sir," was
the frigid reply, "and if you hear any
thing from tha't one I lent you last Tues
day, I wish you'd let me know by tele
phone." Burlington Free Prm.
"Ah!" exclaimed Fogg, as he enterod
the store of the man who never adverti
ses, "do vou know that I always like to
eomein "here?" "Do you?" asked the
delighted shopkeeper. "Yes," said
Fogg, "it's such a relief to get out of
thecrowd, you know." Hartford Pod.
Tho smartness of some girls is only
equaled by the stupidity or some men.
When Yeast's girl made the remark a
number of times ut a public reception,
the other evening, that sho felt like go
ing through a hole in the floor, Yeast
little dreamed that tho restaurant was
just beneath them. Ma teaman.
Last week one of those smart Alexan
ders called at this office and stated briefly
but gramaticallv that he wanted to take
editorial charge' of the paper. We told
him lirmlv, "No." "What ! is there no
openin" for a man of vim and brains
"Yes sir," said we. "Where?" said ho.
"Why, there, sir, the door." Chicago
Eye.
A BOAlinlNU-HOt SK BEAUTV.
Here is thu waitress Mary,
rSerene, ami hhthe and gay:
In manner hht and airy
Hlie lioars Uie brtyikfast-tray.
She always calls ma early.
When I would early rise,
Her hair is brown and curly,
And blue her dreamy eyes.
She never keeps me wuiting,
When 1 would hurry up;
But in a style elating
Ki tills my eotfee cup.
Sho brings me rolls and batter
The former never cold
And 1 can only mutter:
'.she's worth her weight in gold."
My brush umii her ringlets
She vows sin! never trie:
The KtiMiLs nud chops audthiugleta
(She luoils and never fries.
Herself sho ne'er amuses
With alcoholic drums
Mv razor neer she uses
Y hen sho would ope" clams.
Not long with u-i h.-'ll tarry,
Next niouih she's ot to stop,
because slid s g uui to marry
luk i Annual.