jt 0rmt Itrpubltraa m rtTSLmnKD tmr wkdnmut. n J. E. WENK. Office In Smesrbaugh Sc Co.'s Buildln M.M BTlOT, . TIONE3TA, PA. TUHMM, ei.r 1ICH YKAIl. Ko milwriptloMH re. eived for ft shorter period )..n..-,.Ml(. rollritrri from all purtsof the RATES OP ADVERTISING. One Square, one inch, one insertion... fl OA One Square, one inrli, one month W One Hquure, one inch, three months... GW One Square, one inch, one year... JO X Two Hqunre, one year , UtO Quarter Column, one year.... ......... SO 00 Half Column, one year 6009 One Column, one year ,,.,..100 00 Legal notices at established rate. Marriage and death notices gratis. All bills for yearly advertisement collected! quarterly. Temporary advertisement nut be paid in advance. Job work, cash on delivery. VOL, 171, NO. 24. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 1883. $1.50 PER ANNUM. v TO-MORROW. One walks secure in wisdom gtinrdod ways That load to peaceful nights through happy days Health, fame, friends, children and a gont'e Wife, All youth can covet or experience praise, And Vjo witlml to crown the ease of life. Ah, thi rating fgr another day, How diea.l tho fear If ho but knew the danger near? Another, with fome old inheritance Of fate, unmitigated yet by chanoe Condomuod by those he loves, with no p ponl To his own fearful heart, that ever pants For newer circliugs of the cruel wheel I Ah, thirsting for another day, V hut need of fear, If he bnt knew the hulp that's near? llobrrt I'. Johnson, in th Century. A COFFIN BOAT. The other night Major Grlddiewood, who long ago won his spurs as an elli cicnt revenuo ollicor, related the fol- - lowing story: At one time we had a great deal of trouble with illicit distillers in Arkan . eas. Thcro was one neighborhood . especially where it seemed impossible to discover the outlaws. This commu nity was away up on White river. Of ficer al ter o Iicer had been sent up, and quite a number ot them are there yet, although tho department did not re ceive notification that they intended to leave tho service. One day tho news came in that one of our best men had just been killed at Dripping Springs, by which name the dangerous neighbor- noon was Known. 1 was sent for by tlie marshal, who said: ".Major, you have had considerable, success in hunting for distillers. Xuw wo want you to lind those fellows and bring them to justice. As you know, none of cur men have been able to find them, and " "They've been found a trifle too often," I suggested. . "That's a fact," the marshal agreed, "but net by tho right man. Sow I want you to take as many soldiers ai you want, and go to the placo and break up the business." I rellected for a moment and replied: . "I think that our mistake has been in taking too many men. It is almost impossible for a party of men to lind i wildcat distillery. Their approac l isl soon heralded and disaster is certain to follow. 1 will go alone and dis 'over tho nest. Then 1 can return and cap . tuio tho mtire outlit. ' "Rather hazardous," tha marshal . said, thoughtfully scratching his head. "Kot so dangerous a the courso hitherto adopted." V "All right; use your own judg . ment." TliO next day I started on my peril ous expedition. 1 went horseback, Vd my progress was very slow. When at last 1 reached the place 1 found a beautiful, -rich country, with grand hills and little valleys luxuriantly car pete.l with grass. 1 could s -o no signs of lawlessness, but on the other hand 1 was kindly treated. I stopped at tho house of a man named Anderson, a well-to-do fellow, with some education and a bright-eyed daughter, who seemed to be devoted to her fatht r. 1 saw at once that AnoVison was an t hone, t man, and when 1 learned that lie had been in the army I felt secure under his roof. Still 1 did not care to tell Mm my real business?, but in an sw r to a question stated that 1 was looking for land in a leisurely sort of way, having just been discharged from the regular army, and especially desir ing a rest l'rjni that dangerous activity which all army otlicers incurred. " Well, sir, you are welcome at my house, and 1 hope you'll find your stay pleasant. My daughter, who can row a boat to perfection, will cheerfully con tribute to your enjoyment." "I understand," looking at him, " that several government oilicers have been killed by illicit distillers in this neighborhood." " Yes," he replied, "shamefully mur dered. Well, 1 won't say murdered, for tho distillers no doubt considered it self-defense. I'p in the hills hi re, somewhere, thero is a largo distillery, but it will he a long time, I think, be fore the government breaks it up. It is almost impossible to conduct a party of men through the hills, and it is al most certain death, for tbe distillers can see almost every turn. My advice would be to watch for the whisky that's sent away, capture the men handling it and' compel them to show tho exact location of the distillery.'' Several days passed and still I "made no progress. 1 was not regarded i n that light of suspicion which I thought would characterize my appearance among the people, and 1 was soon con vinced that the farmers around were not in sympathy with the distillers. Finally I told Anderson my busi ness. Well," he said, "if I can do any thing for you I'll do it cheerfully, but let me advise you not to go into the hills. Watch the nver, as that is tho . only way they can possibly ship the stuff. J am going up the river to-day after some walnut lumber and if you will accompany me we may make a discovery. As you have no doubt notici u, 1 make a grrt many coffins. Not for government ollicials," lie added with a smile, " but am supplying cheap collins for the .New Orleans market. lHiring an epidemic, it is almost im possible to get collins, 0 the, city fast enough, and at such times I employ quite a number of men. Come and I'll show you my place of business." The shop stood near tho river bank. Several workmen were employed in dressing walnut lumber. Collins were stacked up all around, and a fiatboat was being loaded with the deathly fur niture. 1 did not go up the river with Anderson, but took a boat ride with his daughter. She was not- devoid of charms, and she chatted gayly as sho rowed. " I want pa to leave this place," she Haid. ' Mother pined away and died from sheer loneliness, and if I were not so light-hearted 1 think I should go that way, too." . " Do you ever see any of the illicit distillers?" I asked. "Iexpoet I see them, but I don't know them, of course. They are terrible when they get mad, but as long as they are not disturbed you wouldn't know that they were in the neighborhood. When we moved here they regarded pa with lingering suspicion, but finally, satisfied that he was in no way con nected with tho government, they dis missed their apprehensions and have ever since treated him with the utmost courtesy, l'a is making money out of the coffin business, but it is such a grim trade that I cannot half enjoy any financial benefit that we derive from it. Say, you're hunting for the wild cats, ain't you V " Hush, don't talk so loud." "Nobody can hear us, but you are, ain't you '(" "Suppose I werp, do you think I would tell any one?" " I heard you tell father, but it's all right. I won't say anything about it. I haven't any friends among the wild cats, and for my part I wouldn't care if they were all in prison." "I remained several days longer, and then decided to return to the city, report unfavorably, adopt other meas uie, and again take up the enterprise. Anderson advised me to sell the horse and go down with a flat-boat load of cntlins. I did not like tbe idea, but rclle ting that it would be safer I dis posed of my horsa and was soon ready lor the voyage. I bado my friends an affectionate farewell, and soon stood on a coffin big enough for tin Cardiff giant, and waved my handkerchief at Sophia An derson as the boat rounded the bend. We had started early, and by the time the shadows began to lengthen we were a long distance from Dripping Spring. It seemed to me that the men on the boat watched me curiously, for every time I walked around it appeared tlmt one of them followed me. My suspicions increased as evening came on, and when I saw the men engaged in a whispered con versation I was convinced that violence was meditated. Happening i to notice a cotlin on which several others were piled, I saw something dripping from it. Just then 1 looked up and saw a gun level d at me In another instant a bullet whizzed close to my hea l, so close that I fell back ward into the water. 1 did not lose my presence of mind and kept myself under water as long as possible. When 1 arose to the surface, several other shots were fired, and sinking again 1 remained under water until I reached the shore, which fortunately was not far away, when I arose under a thick clump of willow?. Through the gath ering darkness I could dimly see tho men, and could hear the splashing of an oar which I knew was manipulated to keep tho boat from floating down. "I reckin he's all right," said ono of tho men. " I know ho is," a gruff voice re plied, " fer I rawed a bead on his head, an' a man what can hit a haffer dollar sixty yards ain't no slouch of a shooter, lemme tell yer. Bet he's got a bullet through the brain ef he's got any brain." " I'd ruther bet on the bullet than the brain," the lirst speaker rejoined. "We've got to be certain about these thing'," said a man who seemed to bo in authority. " You know what Anderson's orders is. Git a boat thar Jack, an' you an Tom paddle out thar awhile. Go out thar to them willows." The boat was lowered and the splash ing of the oars came nearer and nearer. My heart beat violently. Great God, the moon ame out and shone full on my face. I eased myself down until only the tip of my nose was above the surface. "Thank heaven," 1 breathed, as a cloud obscured the moon just at the boat brushed the willows. They struck under with their oars, actually struck me once, and just as I was about to seize the boat and take my chances of turning it over and escap ing", one of them said : He's all right, I teU you. Think I can't hit a man's head? Shove her off," and I breathed a prayer ai the dip of the oars grew fainter. I remained in this uncomfortable position about a half hour longer, then drew myself out and was soon travel ing through the woods. After a terri ble journey of hunger and fatigue I reached Little Rock and made my re port. Several days afterward I was again en route for Dripping Spring, this timo with a strong posse of men. Touching White river near the place where I had fallen overboard, we dis mounted to rest. We had not been there very long until we saw thecoflin boat returning. I secreted myself an1 ' ordered my men to compel the boatt j land and to bring tbe men to our rest- 1 ing-place, instructing them as to a form of interrogation. When hailed they readily complied and approached the bank. They did not seem to like so much attention, for they did not move up the bank with any great degree of alacrity. "Do you know," said one of my men, ' what became of a United States ollicial named Grlddlewood, who camo up here some time ago?" " No, sir," replied the captain of the coffin boat, "but I heard that he had bought a piece o' land over the moun tains an' opened a farm." " Did you ever meet him?". " Believe I did meet him once at Mr. Anderson's house. 'Peered to me like he was sorter In love with the Ander son gal." "Don't suppose that I could find him, do you?" " Mout find him if you wuster go over the hills." "That's unnecessary," I remarked, stepping from behind a tree and con fronting the villains. They threw up their hands and prayed that their lives might be spared. We did not intend to give them the least chance of escape and securely pinioning their hands we took them down to the boat, where, after gaining all possible information, I left them under a strong guard. We were not long in gaining the neighbor hood of Anderson's residence. It wa3 a late hour at night, and we sur rounded the house without alarming any one. I instructed one of my offi cers to call Anderson, and again I secreted myself. "Halloa 1" "All right," came from within the house, and pretty soon Anderson ap peared. " Mr. Anderson, I believe," Baid the officer. "Yes, sir; won't you come in?" "No, hardly got the time. I've come to this neighborhood in search of Major Griddlewood. Are you ac quainted with him?" " Oh, yes, should say I nm, for he and my daughter are to be married soon. I'll show her to you. Here, Soph," and the girl came out. " Here is a gentleman who is looking for your intended husband." "Good-evening, sir. Looking for the major, eh ? How I wish I could sea him." " Here I am," I said, emerging from my hiding placo and confronting my " intended " and her father. Anderson actually fell on the ground, and his daughter uttered a shriek that made the woods ring. They were soon made prisoners and taken to the boat. Next day the distillery was easily found and destroyed. The coffins were found to be lined with tin, and although ominous-looking casks, were not bad as vessels of shipment. The prisoners were tried and pun- Hied to tho full extent of the law, and ever since then the Dripping Spring neighborhood has been one of the most orderly and law-abiding commu nities in the State. Arkamaw Trac tltr. Too Much Jiatuingr. There are few greater admirers of the bath than I myself am. I like al most every plan of bathing with the exception, probably, of the Russian mouiljik plan of getting in under the stove a.d burying yourself in hot ashes. I have never tried that, but doubtless it has its advantages to a moudjik. However, I must say there is such a thing as overdoing even tho bath. Although I should wish that every one in this country were like myself ampliibious, so that if thrown into the water lie would only ponder, while quietly swimming out again, where the nearest place was at which to procure dry clothes and a cup of coffee still, it must be remembered that men are not manatees. We could not live most of our time in the w ater, like those interesting aquatic animals. People should neither bathe too often in the day nor remain too long in the water at a time, else they will overdo it ; they will have too much of a good thing. " The after-effects of the bath should in all cases bo studied, as well m the state of the general health. Moreover, the temperature of the water deserves consideration ; it may Miit some people to break the ice on their matutinal tub in winter, with a frozen sponge for a mallet, but a dash of warm water is to be recommended when the mercury crosses the line thirty-two degrees. One bath in win ter and two in the heat of summer I would not call overdoing the thing. Harper's Weekly. A good swimmer can't drown him self on purpose, says the Xew York Sun. He may think he can, and go to try, but the man doesn't live who can help swimming, if he is able, just as soon as he begins to choke. Such is the opinion of an old sailor, who adds: " How many times we hear of folks changing their minds after they get under water, and of course there's lots that never let on what they mean to do. When you read about a suiclder weighting himself with lead or some thing, and the paper says it was done to hide the corpse, don't you believe it. Such persons are good swimmers, who know perhaps from experience that they've got to have heft to keep them under." There are 80,000 acres of ufisurveyed land tn Montana, and numerous sec tions will have toberesurveyed, owing to the imperfect, worses character r toe work done, CURE FOR A DREAD DISEASE. HYDROPHOBIA BAID TO BE CTTAED BT A POTENT INDIAN DBVO. A Nob:i Pnlnon I'mrd to Nullify the OrndlT i.iiitisoi iinnie -iur ( onsuM In Month America Instructed to Collect the Drag-, "For some time," said a prominent physician of Jersey City yesterday, "I have been investigating the subject of hydrophobia. I think I shall be able to demonstrate that in woorara, a drug prepared by the Indians of South America, we have a remedy for that disease. "It is a popular impression," he continued, "that hydrophobia almost inevitably follows the bite of a ma I dog. This is a mistake. Perhaps not more than once in a hundred cases of biting does that disease ensue. "For many years the practice of physicians in treating the bite of a mad dog has been to cauterize the wound a3 soon as possible. If this operation were performed early enough, it was believed that no seriou3 results would ensue. Youatt, the greatjwriter on th J dog, was convinced ot the effi cacy of this treatment. He allowed himself epeatedly to be litten by mad dogs, and cauterized the wounds suc cessfully. But that the remedy is not infallible is certain. Y'ouatt per mitted himself to be bitten once too often, and. in spite of lis caustic, he soon dlscoverel that he was in the in cipient stages of hydrophobia. De spairing of being able to recover, he blew his brains out rather than suffer the agony he anticipated. " The treatment employed in cases where tho disease had actually devel oped varies. The object to be gained is to mitigate the paroxysms of the pa tient, for in hydrophobia death results from exhaustion produced by tho vio lence of tho convulsions. Various drugs have been used, but with litt'e success. At last, however, we have a drug which has recently been known to cure several authentic case3 of hy drophobia, and which, when its na ture is properly understood, may prove ot tho greatest value. I mean the woo rara of the Perdrach Indians. Water ton, writing in 1811, gave an account of a kind of woorara which he found among the natives of Demerara for curing snake bites. He said it was made of many curious ingredients, in cluding the woorali vine, two kinds of bulbous plants, the names of which he did not know, two species of ants,, the strongest Indian pepper, and powderel fangs of the Laborian snake. The mixture was boiled and then placed in sm;ill earthen pots to cool. He sug gested that if this was efficacious to cure the bite of a snake it might be of use in the treatment of hydtophobia. Nevertheless, it was never used for that purpose, although occasionally re ferred to in scientific works. "Recently Dr. Offenberg in Ger many treated successfully a hydropho bia patient with a species of woorara, obtained from Indians in Brazil. "What this woorara is, or how it is manufac tured, we do not know. It is beyond doubt a vegetable substance. It is sold by the Indians as a cure for snake bites, and is brought by them packed in leaf-covered jars into Para, where it finds a ready market, as the reptiles around there are numerous and vene inous. It is a potent poison, and in its action, when taken in fatal doses, pro duces death by paralysis. It relaxes all the muscles, in which respect it differs from strychnine and the other po'sons that produce convulsions. ' I procured some of it, and, after reducing it to a solution, experimented with it t try its power. Soon after these tests, I used it in a pronounced case of hydrophobia and it proved en tirely successful. " I was called in great haste to visit Mr. C. lie was evidently in the in cipient stage of hydrophobia. I learned tli it so. ne months before a young .Newfoundland d ig bit the servant girl, both of Mrs. C.'s children and a nephew. When Mr. t". went to ex amine tho dog tho animal bit hiui through the index finger of the right hand. The dog was drowned. Mr. C.'s wound readily healed. Tho ser vant girl died of unmistakable rabies. Mr. C. ha I been low-spirited, nervous End irritable for about ten d;iys before s -'tiding for me. I prescribed one twelfth of a graia of strychnia every three hours, and sent for Doctor Flint, of Xew Y'ork. We decided to cn tinue this treatment. On the fifth day he was seized with suck violent parox ysms that if repeated three or four times they would sureiy have proved fatal. He believed lie was about to die. I gave him a subcutaneous in jo tion of one sixteenth of a grain of woorara. He had slept very little be fore, but twenty minutes alter the in jection lie fell asleep. Three hours li ter he aw.ik-i and I gave him an in jcctii n of one-ninth of a grain of woorara, which put him to sleep again, i in about three hours I g ive him an-! other injection of one-sixth of a graip, j which was followe.l ly a natural sle-p. Two hour. later, he was quiet and rational, declared that he was feeling porfectly well, and all his unfavorable symptoms had vanished. He has never since thown any fymptoin of the dis ease. "Now, I am satisfii d that if we tan obtain genuine fresh woorara OI I uniform strength we snail be abls to s icces.sfully c iinbat this disease, pro-! vided the remedy le ndijiinistere I i early enough, But the- trouble with wo rara Js that its itreugtlj yuriei) f that it cannot be safely used until It has been carefully tested. I am now trying to extract from pure woorara its alkaloid, known as curarine. If I succeed, the difficulty arising from the varying strength of woorara in a given volume will be overcome, for the alkaloid will possess uniform strength in equal quantities. With thatobjest in view I entered recently into correspondence with Secretary of State Frelinghuysen, and he instructed the American consuls at Para and other South American ports to forward specimens of the drug, with all the information they can procure about it We await their replies." New York Sun. Tbe Bad Boy. "I am thy father's ghost," said a sheeted form in the doorway of the grocery, one evening, and the grocery man got behind a cheese box, while the ghost continued in a sepulchral voice, " doomed for a certain time to walk the night," and, waving a chair round, the ghost strode up to the gro cery man, and with the other ghostly hand reached into a box of figs. " Xo, you ain't no ghost," said the grocery man, recognizing the bad boy. " Ghosts do not go prowling around groceries stealing figs. What do you mean by this sinful masquerade busi ness? My father never had no ghost." "Oh, we have struck it now," said the bad boy, as he pulled off his mask and rolled up the sheet he had worn around him. " We are going to have amateur theatricals to raise money to have the church carpeted, and I am going to boss the job." " You don't say," answered the gro cery man. as he thought how much he could sell to the church people for a strawberry and ice cream festival, and how little he could sell for amateur theatricals. "Who is going into it. and what you going to play ?" "Pa and ma, and me, and the minister, and three choir singers, and my chum, and the minister's wife, and two deacons, and an old maid are rehearsing, but we have not decided what to play yet. They all want to play a different play, and I am fixing it eo they can all be satisfied. The minister wants to play "Hamlet," pa wants to play " Rip Van "Winkle," ma wants to play Mary Anderson, the old maid wants to play a boarding-school play, and the choir singers want an opera, and the minister's wife wants to play "Lady Macbeth," and my chum and me want to play a double song and dance, and I am going to give them all a show. We had a rehearsal last night, and I am the only one able to be around to-day. You see they have all been studying different plays, and they all wanted to talk at once. We let the minister sail in first, lie had on a pair of his wife's black stockings, and a mantle made of a linen buggy lap blanket, and he wore a mason's cheese knife such as these fellows with poke bonnets and white feathers wear when they get an invitation to a funeral or an excursion. "Well, you never saw "Hamlet" murdered the way he did it. His interpretation of the charac ter was that Hamlet was a dude who talked through his nose, and while he was repeating Hamlet's soliloquy, pa, who had come in with an old hunting suit on, as Rip Van Winkle, went to sleep, and he didn't wake up till Lady Macbeth came in, in the sleep-walking scene. She couldn't find a knife, so 1 took a slice of watermelon and sharp ened it for her, and she ma le a mis take In the one she was to stab, a i l she stabbed Hamlet in the neck with a slice of watermelon, and the core of the melon fell on pa's face as he lay asleep as Rip, and pa woke up and felt the gob of watermelon on his fa-e and he thought he had been murdered, and ma came in a hop, skip an 1 jump, as 1'arthenia. and threw her arms around a deacon who was going to ( plav the grave-digger, and began to ca'l him pet names, and pa was mad, and the choir singers they began to sing, "In the Xorth sea lived a whale," and then they quit acting. Y'ou'd a dide to see Hamlet. The piece of watermelon went down his neck, and Lady Macbeth went off and left it in the wound under his collar, ami ma had to pull it out, an I Hamlet raid the seeds and the juica was running down inside his shirt, and he said lie wouldn t play if he was I going to be stabbed with a slice of melon, so while his wife was getting j the melon see. Is out of his neck, and .drying the juice on his shirt, I sharp I ened a cucumber for Lady Macbeth to use for a dagger, but Hamlet kicked j on cucumbers, too, and 1 had more i trouble than any stage manager ever i had." ! "By Kun," said the grocery man. "I would like to have seen that min j ister as Hamlet. Didn't he look funny ?" ! "Funny! Well, I should remark, j Ho te3ined to predominate. But at the next rehearsal 1 am going to work j in an act from "Richard the Third,-' and I iny chum is going to play the China j man of the " Danites," and I guess wo : will take the cake. Say, I want to work in an idiot somewhere. How would you like to play the idiot. You : wouldn't have to rehearse or any j thing-" ! At this point the bad boy was seen i to tro out of the urocorv real snrv fnl. o -ra- j - --- lowml by a box ot wooden clothes-pins that the grocery man had thrown after him. -i-V k's t-un. A man always looks black when b,3 l'tcja bue,vontri,i7 Journal, " REMEMBER!" Remember, when the timid Dawn nncToeee lie: magio palace to the sun's bright beam', R 'member, when the pensive nljjbt repof e I ene ith her silvery veil in leader dreams. When pleisoras call thee, nhe i thy heart is light, When to sweet fancies shade invites night, List, through tbe deep woods ring Sweet voices, murmurincf, Bemember I Remember, when Fate's cruel hand has b:okei For nya the tie that bound my life wit thine; When, with long yearj and exile, grief vs. spoken, Di'spa'ring heart and blasted hopes are mine, ' ' : Think of my love, think of my last adieu, absence and time are caught when love is true. Long as my heart shall beat, Ever it shall repeat, '. .Remember I Remember, when benenth the cold ground lyin?, My broke n heart forever is at rest, Remember, when "ome lovely flower is ing Its petals soft to open on my breast. Thou wilt not see me ; but my soul, set free Faithful in death shall still return to thee. Then hark to the sad moani Of a deep voice that groans, . Remember ! Alfred De Musset. HUMOR OF THE DAY. A thunderstorm is a high-toned af- . fair. Derrick. Admitted to bale The sailor or dered into a leaky boat. New York News. Red is the natural color of a young baby, but afterward it becomes yeller. Aeu York Journal. " Twinkle, twinkls, little star. How we wonder what you are," Wand'ring trackless e;ace about. Does your mother know your route? Somerville Journal. A Western man called his housa " Riches," because it had wings. The heavy mortgage on it kept it from doing much Hying, however. Yonkers Statesman. A Lowell gentleman, who claims to be neither an epicure nor a poet, but who is both, says that eating apple pie without cheese is like kissing a girl without a squeeze. Lowell Citizen. A fruit grower says it is a good plan' to trim fruit trees high, and pasture orchards with Eheep. The old plan of allowing the limbs to grow close to the ground, and pasture the orchard with a dog always seemed to us to be very elleccive, but a sheep that knows his business can also make it very torrid for boys Peck's Sun. A young city fellow, dressed in a .' faultless suit and a pair ot shoes that tapered into a point in the most mod ern style, was visiting in a rural dis- trie'. A bright little boy looked him all over until his eyes rested on those shoes. He looked at his own chubby feet and then at his visitor's, and then looking up, said :. " Mister, is all your toes cutted off but one 't" Courier Journal. " Yrou don't mean to say that you slept with a piece of that wedding cake under your pillow, you absurd thing!" said a lady to her husband the morning after they had attended a coupling bee. "Certainly I did." And did you see in y.ur dream th3 person you are going to marry when 1 am dead?" she asked, chillingly. "Oh.no; I only dreamed that I had never inarrief at all. Susan, 1 am going to save this bit of cake; I am go ng to cherish it, my dear. I shall have its portrait painted by an old master, and its statue shall stand in the library. As an heirloom it shall descend " (She snatched it from his hands and flung it out of the bedroom window. ' My love, it has defended," she said, sweetly. San Francisco Wasp. Stupid Tcople. "Stop trying to kiss me," cried a pretty girl to her bashful beau. 'I ain't kissing you," said he. "Well, ain't you going to?" she asked. He ran away like a frightened deer. A Buffalo bachelor got angry because a nice young lady complimented him on his delicate complexion. A Brooklyn youth broke off an en gagement on account of a difference of opinion as to the color of a mule's oar. A Chicago crank forbade his mo her-in-law to visit his house, and after ward discovered that she intended to pay her board. A school-teacher thrashed a pupil for having an apple on his desk. When ho finisued punishing the lad he was chagrined to find that the apple was ".e of wax. Sif 'irk Journal. Two Chicago girls held their breath so long that one of them fainted and could with ditlieulty be resuscitated. We suppose some young man unex pectedly tailed after an onion supper. - Philadelphia A' en 8. " Well, father," the young man said, joyously, coining home from college, "here lam, with the sheepskin of a graduate." I see," said the old man, grimlv, and you're wear ng it over your owes. That's right.'' Hurling ton Haicktyt. '. '-;'.' '.."'- '"
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers