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VOL, 171, NO. 24.
TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 1883.
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v
TO-MORROW.
One walks secure in wisdom gtinrdod ways
That load to peaceful nights through happy
days
Health, fame, friends, children and a gont'e
Wife,
All youth can covet or experience praise,
And Vjo witlml to crown the ease of life.
Ah, thi rating fgr another day,
How diea.l tho fear
If ho but knew the danger near?
Another, with fome old inheritance
Of fate, unmitigated yet by chanoe
Condomuod by those he loves, with no p
ponl To his own fearful heart, that ever pants
For newer circliugs of the cruel wheel I
Ah, thirsting for another day,
V
hut need of fear,
If he bnt knew the hulp that's near?
llobrrt I'. Johnson, in th Century.
A COFFIN BOAT.
The other night Major Grlddiewood,
who long ago won his spurs as an elli
cicnt revenuo ollicor, related the fol-
- lowing story:
At one time we had a great deal of
trouble with illicit distillers in Arkan
. eas. Thcro was one neighborhood
. especially where it seemed impossible
to discover the outlaws. This commu
nity was away up on White river. Of
ficer al ter o Iicer had been sent up, and
quite a number ot them are there yet,
although tho department did not re
ceive notification that they intended to
leave tho service. One day tho news
came in that one of our best men had
just been killed at Dripping Springs,
by which name the dangerous neighbor-
noon was Known. 1 was sent for
by tlie marshal, who said:
".Major, you have had considerable,
success in hunting for distillers. Xuw
wo want you to lind those fellows and
bring them to justice. As you know,
none of cur men have been able to find
them, and "
"They've been found a trifle too
often," I suggested. .
"That's a fact," the marshal agreed,
"but net by tho right man. Sow I
want you to take as many soldiers ai
you want, and go to the placo and
break up the business."
I rellected for a moment and replied:
. "I think that our mistake has been in
taking too many men. It is almost
impossible for a party of men to lind i
wildcat distillery. Their approac l isl
soon heralded and disaster is certain
to follow. 1 will go alone and dis 'over
tho nest. Then 1 can return and cap
. tuio tho mtire outlit. '
"Rather hazardous," tha marshal
. said, thoughtfully scratching his head.
"Kot so dangerous a the courso
hitherto adopted."
V "All right; use your own judg
. ment."
TliO next day I started on my peril
ous expedition. 1 went horseback,
Vd my progress was very slow. When
at last 1 reached the place 1 found a
beautiful, -rich country, with grand
hills and little valleys luxuriantly car
pete.l with grass. 1 could s -o no signs
of lawlessness, but on the other hand 1
was kindly treated. I stopped at tho
house of a man named Anderson, a
well-to-do fellow, with some education
and a bright-eyed daughter, who
seemed to be devoted to her fatht r. 1
saw at once that AnoVison was an
t hone, t man, and when 1 learned that
lie had been in the army I felt secure
under his roof. Still 1 did not care to
tell Mm my real business?, but in an
sw r to a question stated that 1 was
looking for land in a leisurely sort of
way, having just been discharged from
the regular army, and especially desir
ing a rest l'rjni that dangerous activity
which all army otlicers incurred.
" Well, sir, you are welcome at my
house, and 1 hope you'll find your stay
pleasant. My daughter, who can row
a boat to perfection, will cheerfully con
tribute to your enjoyment."
"I understand," looking at him,
" that several government oilicers have
been killed by illicit distillers in this
neighborhood."
" Yes," he replied, "shamefully mur
dered. Well, 1 won't say murdered,
for tho distillers no doubt considered
it self-defense. I'p in the hills hi re,
somewhere, thero is a largo distillery,
but it will he a long time, I think, be
fore the government breaks it up. It
is almost impossible to conduct a party
of men through the hills, and it is al
most certain death, for tbe distillers
can see almost every turn. My advice
would be to watch for the whisky
that's sent away, capture the men
handling it and' compel them to show
tho exact location of the distillery.''
Several days passed and still I "made
no progress. 1 was not regarded i n
that light of suspicion which I thought
would characterize my appearance
among the people, and 1 was soon con
vinced that the farmers around were
not in sympathy with the distillers.
Finally I told Anderson my busi
ness. Well," he said, "if I can do any
thing for you I'll do it cheerfully, but
let me advise you not to go into the
hills. Watch the nver, as that is tho
. only way they can possibly ship the
stuff. J am going up the river to-day
after some walnut lumber and if you
will accompany me we may make a
discovery. As you have no doubt
notici u, 1 make a grrt many coffins.
Not for government ollicials," lie added
with a smile, " but am supplying cheap
collins for the .New Orleans market.
lHiring an epidemic, it is almost im
possible to get collins, 0 the, city fast
enough, and at such times I employ
quite a number of men. Come and
I'll show you my place of business."
The shop stood near tho river bank.
Several workmen were employed in
dressing walnut lumber. Collins were
stacked up all around, and a fiatboat
was being loaded with the deathly fur
niture. 1 did not go up the river with
Anderson, but took a boat ride with
his daughter. She was not- devoid of
charms, and she chatted gayly as sho
rowed.
" I want pa to leave this place," she
Haid. ' Mother pined away and died
from sheer loneliness, and if I were not
so light-hearted 1 think I should go
that way, too." .
" Do you ever see any of the illicit
distillers?" I asked.
"Iexpoet I see them, but I don't
know them, of course. They are terrible
when they get mad, but as long as they
are not disturbed you wouldn't know
that they were in the neighborhood.
When we moved here they regarded pa
with lingering suspicion, but finally,
satisfied that he was in no way con
nected with tho government, they dis
missed their apprehensions and have
ever since treated him with the utmost
courtesy, l'a is making money out of
the coffin business, but it is such a
grim trade that I cannot half enjoy
any financial benefit that we derive
from it. Say, you're hunting for the
wild cats, ain't you V
" Hush, don't talk so loud."
"Nobody can hear us, but you are,
ain't you '("
"Suppose I werp, do you think I
would tell any one?"
" I heard you tell father, but it's all
right. I won't say anything about it.
I haven't any friends among the wild
cats, and for my part I wouldn't care
if they were all in prison."
"I remained several days longer,
and then decided to return to the city,
report unfavorably, adopt other meas
uie, and again take up the enterprise.
Anderson advised me to sell the horse
and go down with a flat-boat load of
cntlins. I did not like tbe idea, but
rclle ting that it would be safer I dis
posed of my horsa and was soon ready
lor the voyage.
I bado my friends an affectionate
farewell, and soon stood on a coffin big
enough for tin Cardiff giant, and
waved my handkerchief at Sophia An
derson as the boat rounded the bend.
We had started early, and by the time
the shadows began to lengthen we
were a long distance from Dripping
Spring. It seemed to me that the men
on the boat watched me curiously, for
every time I walked around it appeared
tlmt one of them followed me.
My suspicions increased as evening
came on, and when I saw the
men engaged in a whispered con
versation I was convinced that
violence was meditated. Happening
i to notice a cotlin on which several
others were piled, I saw something
dripping from it. Just then 1 looked
up and saw a gun level d at me In
another instant a bullet whizzed close
to my hea l, so close that I fell back
ward into the water. 1 did not lose
my presence of mind and kept myself
under water as long as possible. When
1 arose to the surface, several other
shots were fired, and sinking again 1
remained under water until I reached
the shore, which fortunately was not
far away, when I arose under a thick
clump of willow?. Through the gath
ering darkness I could dimly see tho
men, and could hear the splashing of
an oar which I knew was manipulated
to keep tho boat from floating down.
"I reckin he's all right," said ono of
tho men.
" I know ho is," a gruff voice re
plied, " fer I rawed a bead on his
head, an' a man what can hit a haffer
dollar sixty yards ain't no slouch of a
shooter, lemme tell yer. Bet he's got
a bullet through the brain ef he's got
any brain."
" I'd ruther bet on the bullet than
the brain," the lirst speaker rejoined.
"We've got to be certain about
these thing'," said a man who seemed
to bo in authority. " You know what
Anderson's orders is. Git a boat thar
Jack, an' you an Tom paddle out thar
awhile. Go out thar to them willows."
The boat was lowered and the splash
ing of the oars came nearer and nearer.
My heart beat violently. Great God,
the moon ame out and shone full on
my face. I eased myself down until
only the tip of my nose was above the
surface. "Thank heaven," 1 breathed,
as a cloud obscured the moon just at
the boat brushed the willows. They
struck under with their oars, actually
struck me once, and just as I was
about to seize the boat and take my
chances of turning it over and escap
ing", one of them said :
He's all right, I teU you. Think I
can't hit a man's head? Shove her off,"
and I breathed a prayer ai the dip of
the oars grew fainter.
I remained in this uncomfortable
position about a half hour longer, then
drew myself out and was soon travel
ing through the woods. After a terri
ble journey of hunger and fatigue I
reached Little Rock and made my re
port. Several days afterward I was again
en route for Dripping Spring, this
timo with a strong posse of men.
Touching White river near the place
where I had fallen overboard, we dis
mounted to rest. We had not been
there very long until we saw thecoflin
boat returning. I secreted myself an1 '
ordered my men to compel the boatt j
land and to bring tbe men to our rest- 1
ing-place, instructing them as to a
form of interrogation.
When hailed they readily complied
and approached the bank. They did
not seem to like so much attention, for
they did not move up the bank with
any great degree of alacrity.
"Do you know," said one of my
men, ' what became of a United States
ollicial named Grlddlewood, who camo
up here some time ago?"
" No, sir," replied the captain of the
coffin boat, "but I heard that he had
bought a piece o' land over the moun
tains an' opened a farm."
" Did you ever meet him?".
" Believe I did meet him once at Mr.
Anderson's house. 'Peered to me like
he was sorter In love with the Ander
son gal."
"Don't suppose that I could find
him, do you?"
" Mout find him if you wuster go
over the hills."
"That's unnecessary," I remarked,
stepping from behind a tree and con
fronting the villains. They threw up
their hands and prayed that their lives
might be spared. We did not intend
to give them the least chance of escape
and securely pinioning their hands we
took them down to the boat, where,
after gaining all possible information, I
left them under a strong guard. We
were not long in gaining the neighbor
hood of Anderson's residence. It wa3
a late hour at night, and we sur
rounded the house without alarming
any one. I instructed one of my offi
cers to call Anderson, and again I
secreted myself.
"Halloa 1"
"All right," came from within the
house, and pretty soon Anderson ap
peared. " Mr. Anderson, I believe," Baid the
officer.
"Yes, sir; won't you come in?"
"No, hardly got the time. I've
come to this neighborhood in search of
Major Griddlewood. Are you ac
quainted with him?"
" Oh, yes, should say I nm, for he
and my daughter are to be married
soon. I'll show her to you. Here,
Soph," and the girl came out. " Here
is a gentleman who is looking for your
intended husband."
"Good-evening, sir. Looking for
the major, eh ? How I wish I could
sea him."
" Here I am," I said, emerging from
my hiding placo and confronting my
" intended " and her father. Anderson
actually fell on the ground, and his
daughter uttered a shriek that made
the woods ring. They were soon made
prisoners and taken to the boat. Next
day the distillery was easily found and
destroyed. The coffins were found to
be lined with tin, and although ominous-looking
casks, were not bad as
vessels of shipment.
The prisoners were tried and pun-
Hied to tho full extent of the law, and
ever since then the Dripping Spring
neighborhood has been one of the
most orderly and law-abiding commu
nities in the State. Arkamaw Trac
tltr. Too Much Jiatuingr.
There are few greater admirers of
the bath than I myself am. I like al
most every plan of bathing with the
exception, probably, of the Russian
mouiljik plan of getting in under the
stove a.d burying yourself in hot
ashes. I have never tried that, but
doubtless it has its advantages to a
moudjik. However, I must say there
is such a thing as overdoing even tho
bath. Although I should wish that
every one in this country were like
myself ampliibious, so that if thrown
into the water lie would only ponder,
while quietly swimming out again,
where the nearest place was at which
to procure dry clothes and a cup of
coffee still, it must be remembered
that men are not manatees. We could
not live most of our time in the w ater,
like those interesting aquatic animals.
People should neither bathe too often
in the day nor remain too long in the
water at a time, else they will overdo
it ; they will have too much of a good
thing. " The after-effects of the bath
should in all cases bo studied, as well
m the state of the general health.
Moreover, the temperature of the
water deserves consideration ; it may
Miit some people to break the ice on
their matutinal tub in winter, with a
frozen sponge for a mallet, but a dash
of warm water is to be recommended
when the mercury crosses the line
thirty-two degrees. One bath in win
ter and two in the heat of summer I
would not call overdoing the thing.
Harper's Weekly.
A good swimmer can't drown him
self on purpose, says the Xew York
Sun. He may think he can, and go to
try, but the man doesn't live who can
help swimming, if he is able, just as
soon as he begins to choke. Such is
the opinion of an old sailor, who adds:
" How many times we hear of folks
changing their minds after they get
under water, and of course there's lots
that never let on what they mean to
do. When you read about a suiclder
weighting himself with lead or some
thing, and the paper says it was done
to hide the corpse, don't you believe it.
Such persons are good swimmers, who
know perhaps from experience that
they've got to have heft to keep them
under."
There are 80,000 acres of ufisurveyed
land tn Montana, and numerous sec
tions will have toberesurveyed, owing
to the imperfect, worses character
r toe work done,
CURE FOR A DREAD DISEASE.
HYDROPHOBIA BAID TO BE CTTAED
BT A POTENT INDIAN DBVO.
A Nob:i Pnlnon I'mrd to Nullify the OrndlT
i.iiitisoi iinnie -iur ( onsuM In Month
America Instructed to Collect the Drag-,
"For some time," said a prominent
physician of Jersey City yesterday, "I
have been investigating the subject
of hydrophobia. I think I shall be
able to demonstrate that in woorara, a
drug prepared by the Indians of South
America, we have a remedy for that
disease.
"It is a popular impression," he
continued, "that hydrophobia almost
inevitably follows the bite of a ma I
dog. This is a mistake. Perhaps not
more than once in a hundred cases of
biting does that disease ensue.
"For many years the practice of
physicians in treating the bite of a
mad dog has been to cauterize the
wound a3 soon as possible. If this
operation were performed early enough,
it was believed that no seriou3 results
would ensue. Youatt, the greatjwriter
on th J dog, was convinced ot the effi
cacy of this treatment. He allowed
himself epeatedly to be litten by mad
dogs, and cauterized the wounds suc
cessfully. But that the remedy is not
infallible is certain. Y'ouatt per
mitted himself to be bitten once too
often, and. in spite of lis caustic, he
soon dlscoverel that he was in the in
cipient stages of hydrophobia. De
spairing of being able to recover, he
blew his brains out rather than suffer
the agony he anticipated.
" The treatment employed in cases
where tho disease had actually devel
oped varies. The object to be gained
is to mitigate the paroxysms of the pa
tient, for in hydrophobia death results
from exhaustion produced by tho vio
lence of tho convulsions. Various
drugs have been used, but with litt'e
success. At last, however, we have a
drug which has recently been known
to cure several authentic case3 of hy
drophobia, and which, when its na
ture is properly understood, may prove
ot tho greatest value. I mean the woo
rara of the Perdrach Indians. Water
ton, writing in 1811, gave an account
of a kind of woorara which he found
among the natives of Demerara for
curing snake bites. He said it was
made of many curious ingredients, in
cluding the woorali vine, two kinds of
bulbous plants, the names of which he
did not know, two species of ants,, the
strongest Indian pepper, and powderel
fangs of the Laborian snake. The
mixture was boiled and then placed in
sm;ill earthen pots to cool. He sug
gested that if this was efficacious to
cure the bite of a snake it might be of
use in the treatment of hydtophobia.
Nevertheless, it was never used for
that purpose, although occasionally re
ferred to in scientific works.
"Recently Dr. Offenberg in Ger
many treated successfully a hydropho
bia patient with a species of woorara,
obtained from Indians in Brazil. "What
this woorara is, or how it is manufac
tured, we do not know. It is beyond
doubt a vegetable substance. It is
sold by the Indians as a cure for snake
bites, and is brought by them packed
in leaf-covered jars into Para, where
it finds a ready market, as the reptiles
around there are numerous and vene
inous. It is a potent poison, and in its
action, when taken in fatal doses, pro
duces death by paralysis. It relaxes
all the muscles, in which respect it
differs from strychnine and the other
po'sons that produce convulsions.
' I procured some of it, and, after
reducing it to a solution, experimented
with it t try its power. Soon after
these tests, I used it in a pronounced
case of hydrophobia and it proved en
tirely successful.
" I was called in great haste to visit
Mr. C. lie was evidently in the in
cipient stage of hydrophobia. I learned
tli it so. ne months before a young
.Newfoundland d ig bit the servant
girl, both of Mrs. C.'s children and a
nephew. When Mr. t". went to ex
amine tho dog tho animal bit hiui
through the index finger of the right
hand. The dog was drowned. Mr.
C.'s wound readily healed. Tho ser
vant girl died of unmistakable rabies.
Mr. C. ha I been low-spirited, nervous
End irritable for about ten d;iys before
s -'tiding for me. I prescribed one
twelfth of a graia of strychnia every
three hours, and sent for Doctor Flint,
of Xew Y'ork. We decided to cn
tinue this treatment. On the fifth day
he was seized with suck violent parox
ysms that if repeated three or four
times they would sureiy have proved
fatal. He believed lie was about to
die. I gave him a subcutaneous in
jo tion of one sixteenth of a grain of
woorara. He had slept very little be
fore, but twenty minutes alter the in
jection lie fell asleep. Three hours
li ter he aw.ik-i and I gave him an in
jcctii n of one-ninth of a grain of
woorara, which put him to sleep again, i
in about three hours I g ive him an-!
other injection of one-sixth of a graip, j
which was followe.l ly a natural sle-p.
Two hour. later, he was quiet and
rational, declared that he was feeling
porfectly well, and all his unfavorable
symptoms had vanished. He has never
since thown any fymptoin of the dis
ease. "Now, I am satisfii d that if we tan
obtain genuine fresh woorara
OI I
uniform strength we snail be abls to
s icces.sfully c iinbat this disease, pro-!
vided the remedy le ndijiinistere I i
early enough, But the- trouble with
wo rara Js that its itreugtlj yuriei) f
that it cannot be safely used until It
has been carefully tested. I am now
trying to extract from pure woorara
its alkaloid, known as curarine. If I
succeed, the difficulty arising from the
varying strength of woorara in a
given volume will be overcome, for
the alkaloid will possess uniform
strength in equal quantities. With
thatobjest in view I entered recently
into correspondence with Secretary of
State Frelinghuysen, and he instructed
the American consuls at Para and
other South American ports to forward
specimens of the drug, with all the
information they can procure about it
We await their replies." New York
Sun.
Tbe Bad Boy.
"I am thy father's ghost," said a
sheeted form in the doorway of the
grocery, one evening, and the grocery
man got behind a cheese box, while
the ghost continued in a sepulchral
voice, " doomed for a certain time to
walk the night," and, waving a chair
round, the ghost strode up to the gro
cery man, and with the other ghostly
hand reached into a box of figs.
" Xo, you ain't no ghost," said the
grocery man, recognizing the bad boy.
" Ghosts do not go prowling around
groceries stealing figs. What do you
mean by this sinful masquerade busi
ness? My father never had no ghost."
"Oh, we have struck it now," said
the bad boy, as he pulled off his mask
and rolled up the sheet he had worn
around him. " We are going to have
amateur theatricals to raise money to
have the church carpeted, and I am
going to boss the job."
" You don't say," answered the gro
cery man. as he thought how much he
could sell to the church people for a
strawberry and ice cream festival, and
how little he could sell for amateur
theatricals. "Who is going into it.
and what you going to play ?"
"Pa and ma, and me, and the
minister, and three choir singers, and
my chum, and the minister's wife, and
two deacons, and an old maid are
rehearsing, but we have not decided
what to play yet. They all want to
play a different play, and I am fixing
it eo they can all be satisfied. The
minister wants to play "Hamlet," pa
wants to play " Rip Van "Winkle," ma
wants to play Mary Anderson, the old
maid wants to play a boarding-school
play, and the choir singers want an
opera, and the minister's wife wants
to play "Lady Macbeth," and my
chum and me want to play a double
song and dance, and I am going to
give them all a show. We had a
rehearsal last night, and I am the
only one able to be around to-day.
You see they have all been studying
different plays, and they all wanted to
talk at once. We let the minister sail
in first, lie had on a pair of his wife's
black stockings, and a mantle made
of a linen buggy lap blanket, and he
wore a mason's cheese knife such as
these fellows with poke bonnets
and white feathers wear when
they get an invitation to a funeral
or an excursion. "Well, you never
saw "Hamlet" murdered the way he did
it. His interpretation of the charac
ter was that Hamlet was a dude who
talked through his nose, and while he
was repeating Hamlet's soliloquy, pa,
who had come in with an old hunting
suit on, as Rip Van Winkle, went to
sleep, and he didn't wake up till Lady
Macbeth came in, in the sleep-walking
scene. She couldn't find a knife, so 1
took a slice of watermelon and sharp
ened it for her, and she ma le a mis
take In the one she was to stab, a i l
she stabbed Hamlet in the neck with
a slice of watermelon, and the core of
the melon fell on pa's face as he lay
asleep as Rip, and pa woke up and felt
the gob of watermelon on his fa-e and
he thought he had been murdered, and
ma came in a hop, skip an 1 jump, as
1'arthenia. and threw her arms
around a deacon who was going to (
plav the grave-digger, and began to
ca'l him pet names, and pa was mad,
and the choir singers they began to
sing, "In the Xorth sea lived a whale,"
and then they quit acting. Y'ou'd a
dide to see Hamlet. The piece of
watermelon went down his neck,
and Lady Macbeth went off and left
it in the wound under his collar,
ami ma had to pull it out, an I
Hamlet raid the seeds and the juica
was running down inside his shirt,
and he said lie wouldn t play if he was
I going to be stabbed with a slice of
melon, so while his wife was getting
j the melon see. Is out of his neck, and
.drying the juice on his shirt, I sharp
I ened a cucumber for Lady Macbeth to
use for a dagger, but Hamlet kicked
j on cucumbers, too, and 1 had more
i trouble than any stage manager ever
i had."
! "By Kun," said the grocery man.
"I would like to have seen that min
j ister as Hamlet. Didn't he look funny ?"
! "Funny! Well, I should remark,
j Ho te3ined to predominate. But at
the next rehearsal 1 am going to work
j in an act from "Richard the Third,-' and
I iny chum is going to play the China
j man of the " Danites," and I guess wo
: will take the cake. Say, I want to
work in an idiot somewhere. How
would you like to play the idiot. You
: wouldn't have to rehearse or any
j thing-"
! At this point the bad boy was seen
i to tro out of the urocorv real snrv fnl.
o -ra- j - ---
lowml by a box ot wooden clothes-pins
that the grocery man had thrown after
him. -i-V k's t-un.
A man always looks black when b,3
l'tcja bue,vontri,i7 Journal,
" REMEMBER!"
Remember, when the timid Dawn nncToeee
lie: magio palace to the sun's bright
beam',
R 'member, when the pensive nljjbt repof e
I ene ith her silvery veil in leader dreams.
When pleisoras call thee, nhe i thy heart is
light,
When to sweet fancies shade invites
night,
List, through tbe deep woods ring
Sweet voices, murmurincf,
Bemember I
Remember, when Fate's cruel hand has
b:okei
For nya the tie that bound my life wit
thine;
When, with long yearj and exile, grief vs.
spoken,
Di'spa'ring heart and blasted hopes are
mine, ' ' :
Think of my love, think of my last adieu,
absence and time are caught when love is
true.
Long as my heart shall beat,
Ever it shall repeat, '.
.Remember I
Remember, when benenth the cold ground
lyin?,
My broke n heart forever is at rest,
Remember, when "ome lovely flower is
ing
Its petals soft to open on my breast.
Thou wilt not see me ; but my soul, set free
Faithful in death shall still return to thee.
Then hark to the sad moani
Of a deep voice that groans, .
Remember !
Alfred De Musset.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A thunderstorm is a high-toned af- .
fair. Derrick.
Admitted to bale The sailor or
dered into a leaky boat. New York
News.
Red is the natural color of a young
baby, but afterward it becomes yeller.
Aeu York Journal.
" Twinkle, twinkls, little star.
How we wonder what you are,"
Wand'ring trackless e;ace about.
Does your mother know your route?
Somerville Journal.
A Western man called his housa
" Riches," because it had wings. The
heavy mortgage on it kept it from
doing much Hying, however. Yonkers
Statesman.
A Lowell gentleman, who claims to
be neither an epicure nor a poet, but
who is both, says that eating apple pie
without cheese is like kissing a girl
without a squeeze. Lowell Citizen.
A fruit grower says it is a good plan'
to trim fruit trees high, and pasture
orchards with Eheep. The old plan of
allowing the limbs to grow close to the
ground, and pasture the orchard with
a dog always seemed to us to be very
elleccive, but a sheep that knows his
business can also make it very torrid
for boys Peck's Sun.
A young city fellow, dressed in a .'
faultless suit and a pair ot shoes that
tapered into a point in the most mod
ern style, was visiting in a rural dis-
trie'. A bright little boy looked him
all over until his eyes rested on those
shoes. He looked at his own chubby
feet and then at his visitor's, and then
looking up, said :. " Mister, is all your
toes cutted off but one 't" Courier
Journal. " Yrou don't mean to say that you
slept with a piece of that wedding
cake under your pillow, you absurd
thing!" said a lady to her husband the
morning after they had attended a
coupling bee. "Certainly I did."
And did you see in y.ur dream th3
person you are going to marry when
1 am dead?" she asked, chillingly.
"Oh.no; I only dreamed that I had
never inarrief at all. Susan, 1 am
going to save this bit of cake; I am
go ng to cherish it, my dear. I shall
have its portrait painted by an old
master, and its statue shall stand in
the library. As an heirloom it shall
descend " (She snatched it from his
hands and flung it out of the bedroom
window. ' My love, it has defended,"
she said, sweetly. San Francisco
Wasp.
Stupid Tcople.
"Stop trying to kiss me," cried a
pretty girl to her bashful beau. 'I
ain't kissing you," said he. "Well,
ain't you going to?" she asked. He
ran away like a frightened deer.
A Buffalo bachelor got angry because
a nice young lady complimented him
on his delicate complexion.
A Brooklyn youth broke off an en
gagement on account of a difference
of opinion as to the color of a mule's
oar.
A Chicago crank forbade his mo her-in-law
to visit his house, and after
ward discovered that she intended to
pay her board.
A school-teacher thrashed a pupil for
having an apple on his desk. When
ho finisued punishing the lad he was
chagrined to find that the apple was
".e of wax. Sif 'irk Journal.
Two Chicago girls held their breath
so long that one of them fainted and
could with ditlieulty be resuscitated.
We suppose some young man unex
pectedly tailed after an onion supper.
- Philadelphia A' en 8.
" Well, father," the young man said,
joyously, coining home from college,
"here lam, with the sheepskin of a
graduate." I see," said the old man,
grimlv, and you're wear ng it over
your owes. That's right.'' Hurling
ton Haicktyt. '. '-;'.' '.."'- '"