Newspaper Page Text
II KTBUffnKO tVEKY TUESDAY, ttt
VT. I. DUNN.
9tU In Kiox's Building. K!n Street.
TERMS, f2.00 A YEAR.
N o Subscriptions received for a shorter
period than throe months.
Correspondence solicited from all parts
of the country. No notice will bo taken of
Marriages and Death notices inserted
XIONKSTA LODGE, NO. 477.
I. O. Gh T.
Meets very Wednesday evening, at 8
W. R. DUNN, W. C. T.
K. W. TATE, W. 8.
X WaWTOK FCTTIS. MILKS w. tatb.
PETTIS A TATE,
. ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
rit. TIOSKSTA, PA.
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Oil Cltr. Pa.
Will practice tn tlie various Courts of
forest County. All business entrusted to
alt rare will receive prompt attentl n.
" . , W. W. Mason,
ATTORNEY AT LAW. omee on Elm
Street, above Walnut, TionesUi, I'a.
a W. Gilflllan,
TTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
L nango Co., Pa. tf.
N. B, Smiley,
ATTORNEY T LAW, Petroleum Con
tra. Pa. Will praotice in the several
Courts of Forest County. 85-ly
, W. P. Mercllliott,
Attorney at L a w
DEAL KNTATE AGEXT.
CLAUK A FASSETT,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
WARREN AND TIDIOUTE, TA.
THF. UNDEIWIGNKD Imvlntr associ
ated themselves UiRothor In the prac
tice of law, offer their professional sorv.eos
to the public
13usinr promptly aMenrtad to In all Mio
eourts of Warren, Forost and adjoining
JUSTUS R. CLARK,
l arrcu. Pa.
D. D. TA3EETT,
MITTKL, Proprietor, Elm St., Tio-
ne-ita, Pa., at tho mouth of thn crock.
Mr. I'tle has thoronahlv renovated the
Tinnesta Houw, and re-furuishod it com
pletely. " All who patronize hlin will be
wall entertained at ronsounblo ratc. 20 ly
y FOfEST KCLSh.,
D CLACK PROPRIETOR. Opposite
Court-House, Tionesta, Pa. Just
fipened. Kverytliinn new and clean and
ffrejh. The best of liquors kept constantly
on hand. A portion of the public patron
. age in respectfuly Mollt.jtod. 4-17-lV
OMCNESTA. PA., opposite the Depot,
A C. I). Mable, Pmpriptor. Good Sta
bling connected with the house. tf.
VrlmoUT,-' Pa-i j- n Maokr, Proplo
A tors. The limine boa been thorouirhlv
refitted and Is now ill the Hrst-elats order,
with the best of accommodations. Anv
nformation concerning Oil Territory at
this point will be cheerfully furnished,
-ly J. AD. MAOEE,
LOWER TIDIOUTE, Pa., D. S. Rams
DKRf. A Hon Prop's. This house having
1een retited is now the most desirable ston-
pinil place in Tidlouto. A good Billiard
itoo.n attached, 4-ly
TRVINETON, PA. W. A. Hallenbaek,
Proprietor. This hotel is New, and Is
JW open as a first class house, situate' at
re Junction of the Oil Crock A Allegheny
liver and Philadelphia A Erie Railroads,
pposite the Depot. Parties having to lay
vcr trains will find this the most conven
eut hotel in town, with rlrst-class accom
nodstions and reasonable Imnros. tf.
Dr. J. L. Acoirtb,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, who has
had tiftecn years' experience in a large
and successful practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Omce in his Drag and
Grocery Storo, located in Tidioute, near
IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
, A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, Glass, Paints,
Oil, Cutlery, and tine Groceries, all of the
best quality, and will be sold at reasonable
II. It. BURGESS, an experienced Drug
It 1st from New York, has clutrge of tho
"iture. All prescriptions put up accurately.
SLOAN & VAN GIESEN.
T7 A GO N - MAKERS.
,' -Corner of Churoh and Elm Streets,
This firm is prepared to do all work in
Jls line, and will warrant everything done
at their ah-ps to give satislautiou. Par
licular attention given to
Give them a trial, and you will not re
gret iu 13-1 y.
JOHN A. OALI, PRE IT.
MN A. SROMS, VICESRCST. A. N.STCCLCCAtHR,
Tionosta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Rank transact, a General Banking,
t!ollecting and Kxchanue Husiuos.
Draft's uu the Principal Cities of the
United Suites and Europe boughtand sold.
Gold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-30 Bond
I'onvei'toa on the nioet luvorable terms.
Intret ailowod on time deposits.
.Mar. 4, tf.
f? It -gJ.t vr.
' Lot us have Faith
VOL. IV. NO. 36.
mw. niTssiiMis, -.
K' D. DlTMSlbva, Tcv
T. A. ITRIOnT. S.pt.
GEO. W, DIlHRIIWlS.
THE SUPERIOR LUMBER CO.,
Pine Lumber, Lath, Shingles 'die.
Mills on Tionesta Creek, Forest Co., Pa.
Yards & Office cor. 23d i Rail Road Sts.,
I. D. DITMHIDOI
FORT PITT GLASS WORKS.
Established A. D. 1327.
BtTHRtBGE & SON,
MAJCITF AOTrltKnS OF
Ditliridge's xx Flint Glass
Silvered Glass Reflectors.
. These chimneys do not break by heat.
Ask for Ditiiridoks. Tako no other.
I'lTHRIDGfi A RON,
25-ly. Pittsburgh, I'a.
Xcw Hoarding House. -
MIt. S. S. HUUNCS has huilt a largo
addition to hnr house, and is now pre
pared to iwcoinmodutennumbcrof perma
nent boarders, and all transient ones who
may favor her with their patronage. A
g-Hid stable has recently boon built to ac
commodate the horses of guests, (.'linrtres
reasonable. Itcxldcuce on Kim St., oppo
site S. Haslet's storo. 23-ly
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Three doors north of Holme
House, Tionesta, Pa. All work ia war
DR. .1. N. UOLARD. of Tidioute, has
returnsd to his practice after an ab
senco of four months, spent in the Hospi
tals of New York, whore will atUmd
calls in his profession.
Olllce in Kurcka Irn(r Store, 3d door
ibove the bank, Tidioute, Pa. 4tf
at ths Store of
D. S. KNOX, & CO.,
Elm !?t., ioDesta Ta.
We are In dully receipt oi ti argt and
MOST COMPLETE stock
EVER BROUG HT TO THIS MARKET
BOOTS & SHOES !
which we are determined to soil regardless
of prices. -
House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools, Agricultural Implements,
Ae.( Ac,, Ac, which wtf offer at greatly re
FURNITURE I FURNITURE I !
of all kinds,
ES, Ac,, Ac, Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and soo,
D. S. KNOX. CO.
WAXTEO-Menand Women seek
inn a Kod nay in vt business to sell our il
lustrated, historical, biographical, reli
gious and aiirifiiltiiral works. Send stamp
for full particulars how you can niaketloO
to S-100 per month. E. I?. Tit EAT, l'tili
llshor, An:, ?iv..sv, N. Y. -i it
that Right makes Might ; and
California Incident in 1849.
Spindle wns a new arrival. The
camp, with customary propriety, had
iluhbed him tints, because he waa so
slim. On tho same principle, his
awkwardness soon gave liim notoriety.
Nor this only ; like One-eyed Tom,
Spindles had made one of the happiest
hits of tho day. Young, passionate,
elated beyond degree with the splendor
of his pruspecs, it was no surprise
that he should cuurt the favor of the
pale-faced gamblers, who were the
aristocrats of the camp, It was no
wonder that tticy should discover his
weakness and determine to "salt" liim.
Plaj ? No, no; Spindle did nut play;
he only camera to watch the game; it
was tiresome, sitting there in the tent,
alone. "Trit; double, your rtake on
a 'full,'" said a pleasant-faced follow,
who was just rnkiug in a hundred slugs
or more. Spiudlu was inclined to listen.
"Tell you what you do," said the gam
bler counting ;, "go me halves fur an
hour, and sea how you como out."
Spindle did so. At the end of the
hour he had won a "stake" of several
thousand dollars. Spindle was fusci
nated. "I will double this to-morrow
night," said he mentally, as he left the
gamblers' tent. lie doubled it. "This
must be tripled," said Spindle, as he
sought tho tent again, two nights after
ward. It was tripled. "Spindle moans
to break, or be broken," sui I the by
standers, one night, about a week after
his original venture. "Look nt the
dust ho is betting." He is, indeed,
betting heavily. The rattlesnake has
charmed him. Bet after bet, till the
wiuniugs of the week have left liim,
bet after bet, till its earnings are also
gone till the last "sing" is up, lie has
but a simplt "sight" for it. Woe to
him, for he wins! Tho tide is flooding
again, and Spindle is even. 'Safu,
safe," he remarks, betting a hundred
"slugs" as a "blind," on the strength
of itis confidence. One by one the
cards go round to the players. Spiudle
does not look at bis, but gathers them
under his hand on the table. "I see
your 'blind, and go you a hundred
better." It was "Eagle-nose" who
spoke "Eagle nose, the lucky." Spin
dle looks at his cards. lie has a first
class hand four queens and a king;
four aces only will beat him. Eaglo
nose can have hut three of these, fur
he saw one of them ou the bottom of
the puck, as the gambler laid the cards
on the tu'.ile; the gambler meant time
he should see it. "I see your bet, and
raise you a hundred better," respond
ed Spindle. Ea;le-nose is uncertain.
He looks wistfully at the gold, furitivc
ly at his antugoni.-t, itt:d very careful
ly ut the cards in hUlmnd. "He waits,
he weakens," soys Spindle to himself.
"I thought he was 'bluffing.'" Spiudle
does Out see the smile oi the fiice of
the bystander buck of the gambler, or
he would think differently. Rising
from the rough si.:ol on which lie sits,
Eagle nose steps back in tho tent, and
opens a strong wooden ciitCt. Two
bugs of dust are taken from it, nud
the gambler staggers under the heavy
load, as he britiirs it toward the table.
Spindle sees a $10,000 mark on each
of them. "Bet you them 'ere things,"
says Eitjjle-nose, as he lays the two
bugs with the other gold. It is now
Spindle's turn to hesitate. Can it be
that he has the other ace? No, he will
not think it; but whut shull lie do?
He has not money enough on hand to
"call" him. lie does not wish to do
th is ; it would be cowardly. "Ha!"
says Spindle, "I have it now ; will bet
my cluim and the few thousand I have
left, a;tiinta his pile, if it only be largo
enough." This to himself. " Then to
Eagle-nose, "What's your pile?"
"There are five more bags in the chest,"
said the gambler, quietly ; "what do
you do?" "Bet my claim agaitwt your
pile," s:tid Spindle, intensely excited.
The bet was taken. Spindle threw his
cards the table, with a half paralyzed
motion, ajd a face whiter than the
tent above him four queens and a
king. Eagle-nose filed his off, one by
one three aees.a l;ing,iiud an aee. Not
a word was said by either; Spiudle
could not ha.vo spoken, and Eagle
nose had no reason for so doing. A
few minutes afterward, tho ruined mi
ner staggered blindly to the dtur of
the tent, passed out into the m njuliglit,
and the c uue went on as ever.
Half ao hour later, Spiudle sat in
his tent alono. Before liim was the
picture of a fair, sweet face, that had
won his love but a few years back.
Nobody sees him weep, while he watches
trie pluy of light in it eloquent'eyes.
You could step in, and step heavily,
too, without startling him. Ho is lost
iu reproachful thought, leading down
to dispair. All thut he had hoped to
do has vanished. Last niht rich iu
gold ; to-night, bankrupt. Why should
he live? He can hear tho rour of the
Yuba, as it tumbles over thecliff only
a mile above him. lie steps nut into
the open air; the cataract glimers iu
the distance, and the sound of its waters
soothes and faici nates him. Nohody
will miss him; why should he hesitate?
He moves toward it with eaer
hound and" determined purpose. Up
the rocky hill up, up, up, till lie
stands ou the edge of tho precipice,
far above the full he look at the white
tents in the distance ; hate is blonzcd
i M ftmf ihip f thetn. He looks tit
in that Faith let us to the end,
PA., TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 1871.
the white spray, far, far below him ; a
hundred phantoms beseech him to
come to them. A pause, for an instant
only ; ho wh.spered something-was it a
prayer? A quick, terrible leap then,
the same soil moonlight as before, n
tho flower-clad hills around, on (he
white tents of the sleeping ca np, and
on the whiter face of the cataract.
From "Hotel Bar," in the November
Why Workingmen Leave England.
Morris Phillips, Esq., of the Home
Journal, writing from England, men
tions the following:
"In the railroad station at Holyhead,
on tho Welsh coaft, I wa9 witness to n
scene painful to any one who believes
all men are born free and equal. The
mail service, between Dublin and Lou
den, only carries first and second-class
passengers. One of the splendid sea
going boats that cross the Irish cannel
took us safely, and, strange to say,
pleasantly to Hiflyhead, whrre the
train is 'made up' for Loudon. It was
Sunday, and only the first-class re
freshment room was open. Info this
nearly all the patseucers hurried for a
sandwich, cup of coffoe, or a gla of
wine, for we had started on our jour
ney nt six A. M. ; it was then eleven
o'clock and we should not stop any
where for refreshments until we reach
ed tho magnificent station and pretty
town of Crewe, at two p. m. Among
us there were three respectable-looking
but poorly-clad members of the work
ing classes, who stepped up to the bar,
asked politely for a glass of ale, and
met with a flat refusal. The pert and
pretty bamtaid answered that she
would bo pleased to serve them, but it
was against the rules to deliver any
thing to workingmen: They expostu
lated with her; then applied to the
proprietor'of the restaurant ; remark,
ed that 'they were hungry and thjrsty;
said 'the third-cltiB refreshment-room
was not open,' and asked 'if their
money was not as good other people's?'
But argument wua unavailing. The
barmaid was polite but firm ; her em
ployer supported her, and the working
men left the saloon unre'reshed mid
dejected. Hero were three honest
looking, sober, well-hnhnveil men, re
fused meat and drink because they
were not arrayed in purple and fine
linen. An American present proposed
to obtain and convey to the men nut
side the refreshment-room some ale
and sandwiches; but before the excel
lent idea could be carried out, the
whistle warned us to take our seats iu
the 'carriages.' " ,
What was his Other Name.
As Artemus Ward was once travel
ling in the cars, dreading to be bored,
and feeling miserable, a man approach
ed him, sat down and s:tid :
"Diil you hear the last thing-on
"GreeW? Greeley?" said Artemus,
''Horace Greeley? t ho is ho?"
The man was quiet about five miu
tiles. P;etty s.?on he said:
"George I'Vancis T.".,lin ia kicking
up a good deal of a row over in Eng
land; do you think they will put hi?:
in a bnstife?" -
"Train, Train, George Francis
Train," said Artemus solemnly, "I
never heard of him."
This ignorance kept tho man quiet
for fifteen minutes, then he said :
"What do you think admit General
Grant's chances for the Presidency?"
"Grant, Grant! hang it man," said
Artemus, "you appear to know more
strangers than any man I ever saw."
The man was furious; he walked
up tho cur, but at last came back and
said : ,
' "You confounded Ignoramus.did you
ever hear of Adam?"
Artemus looked up and said :
"What was his other name?" .
The greatest American preachers
wrote their sermons, especially the ser
mons which fihaprd the thought ot
their times and made ineffaceable im-
1resiotis on the minds of their hearers,
temporuncous sermons are for im
mediate but not lasting influence. Ed
wards, Alexaudcr, Chunuin, and the
elder Beechcr, wrote the sermons by
which they are remembered, nd by
which their ideas lived after they had
ceased to preach. Henry Ware, the
youngei, sometimes wrote and read his
sermons, sometimes extemporized. The
written sermons made the deepest im
pression. Thackeray says: "Beware
of too much talk, O parsons! It'umtui
is to give au account of every idle
word he utters, Cor what a number of
such loud iiolh'iigs, witniv, einpliutie
tropes and metaphors, spoken not for
God's glory but tor the preacher's will
many u ctisl. ion thumper have to uu
swer." lleliijiout May.
X., who is given to exaggeration,
made a statement one evening at t lit.
table which was so fabulous that he
felt himself that he had gone a little
too far. Turning to ono of the guests
who seemed to be smiling slightly, he
said: "You don't believe thut?" "Oh,
yes," replied the other, "I believe it
because, you say it, but I should net
havo believed it if I had aid it my-
dare do our duty as we understand it"--LINCOLN.
The Chime of Bells.
Rev. Dr. Adams, in his beautiful
book on "Thanksgiving Memories,"
cives us the following incident: "In
the Cathedral of Limerick there hangs
chime of hells which was cast in Ita
ly by an enthusiast in his trade, who
fixed his home near the monastery
where they wero first hung, that he
might daily fnjoy their sweet and sol
emn music. In some political revolu
tion the bells were taken away to n
distant land, anil their maker himself
became a refugee and exile. His wan
derings brought him, after many years,
to Ireland. On a culm and beautiful
evening, as the vess-l which bore him
floated on the placid bosom of the
Shannon, suddenly the evening chimes
pealed from tho cathedral towers. His
practiced car caught the sweet sound,
tud he knew his Tost trousu ers were
found. His early home, his old friends,
his beloved native land, nil tho best
associations of bis life were in those
sounds. He laid himself back in the
boat, crossed his arms across his breust,
anil listened to the music. The boat
reached the wharf, but still ho lay
there, silent and motionless. - They
spoke to him, hut ho did not nnswer.
They went to him, but his spirit had
fled. The tide of memories that camo
vibrating through his heart at that
well-known chime, had snapped its
Aud so, sometimes, in after life,
when the feet of wayward mau have
strayed fur away from the home of his
youth, and ids heart bus wandered fur
from his father's God, some memory
of the past, like the sweet, sad melody
of the evening chime, may wnke long
slumbering eclihcs niid stir long-senled
fountains; and a father's counsels and
n mother's prayers will come up again
from the sacred burial places of the
past, with wondrous power to melt and
win the wayward heart.
The most popular female writer of
America, whose great novel struck a
chord of universal sympathy through
out the civilized world, has habits of
composition peculiarly her own, ami
unlike those belonging to any author
of whom we have record. She croons,
so to speak, over her writings, and it
makes very little difference to her
whether there is a crowd of people
about her or whether she is alone dur
ing the composition of her books.
"Uncle loin s Culiin was wholly pre
pared for the press in a littlo wooden
house iu Maine, from week to week,
while the story was coining out in a
Washington newspaper. Most f Jt
was written by the evening lamp on a
pino tablo, about which the children
ot the family were gathered together
conning their various lesson for the
next day. Amid the busv hum ot
earnest voices, constantly uskiug out s
tions of the mother, intent on her
world renowned task, Mrs.' Stowe wove
together those thrilling chapters which
were destined to find renders in so
many languages throughout the globe.
No work of similar importance, as fur
as we know, was ever written amid so
much that seemed hostile to literary
composition. Jut. T. Field.
"Whiskey Has Uhed Him Up."
jTlifre is scarcely a community or
neighborhood trom Maine to Uregon
where thi saying is not used almost
every day in the year, and altogether
ton truly. A subject of this ki.:'! is
to be found in almost every towu. The
merchant has failed and whiskey bus
done it. Tho lawyer with brilliant
talent and a large business has fallen
below the range of respectability and
confidence; whiskey was the cause.
The politician with bright prospects
before him has played out, mid the
account is charged to whiskey. The
judge of talent, nge and respectability
is the subject of private niiii neighbor
hood talk. His enemies point with
derision, and bis friends hang their
heads iu sliame, and whiskey has done
it. Thut kind heurted and hard work
ing inuu hus become a pest in society
and trouble to his family; whiskey has
heat iti ru. Whiskey will heat any
I man living, aud that is just whut it is
It is impossible to predict the ex
treme prices to which timber may ad
vance before the present generation
passes away. We have a statement
from an English puper of prices real
ized for thirty oak trees sold ut auc
tion iu Burg'.ilcy Park, us follows:
One tree brought l.'JGO, another $310,
a third t'V2i ; the whole thirty brought
$4,500, averaging $150 eat ii. These
must huve been large trees, but small
er trees aio proportionately valuable.
There is but little doubt that within a
century or less timber w ill be as scarce
in America us it is now iu Europe,
anil it is not probable that a sufficient
substitute will ever lie found to occupy
ill place, iu the industries of mankind.
Therefore plant trees, anil plant the
right sort, especially thostt most re
quired iu building.
A Louisville lady who wanted to
marry another man, but couldn't wuit
for a divorce, sent her husband . down
cellar with a kerosene lamp for a
pitcher of cider. When he got the
cider drawn ho yelled "murder," he
dropped tho lamp, and she vn a bo
w i? -hing young w idow.
$.2 PER ANNUM.
Some New England lady Mrs.
Daniels, we be'icve another' of the
Daniels come to judgment has invent
ed a new-fangled npparatus for keep
ing ladies' stockings up, which is to
supersede the time honored and knight
ly garter. It may do well enough for
those lailies who luck suflicient rotun
dity of limbs, but our Virginia women
are not deficient in any of the no?cssary
adjuncts that go tn make np the mould
of form, and can keep their garters on
and stockings up without resorting to
any new inventions. What will the
Yankees ask us to surrendei i next?
The garter is an old aod cherished
institution ; and, although the elastic
invention with the buckle has been nd
dopted by many oity belles, the free
born and unconventional country girls
still stick to twine nud tape and other
strings Sotno even using as a tie the
primitive wisp of straw. We will have
none of this iicw-fushioncd hip-attachment
gearing. We are true to our
itncient ties. It is a direct assault up
on our civilization a blow turned at
our gartered rights and we will resent
it while we have a leg to stand on.
Ladies, be true to your stockings.
Unfurl the banner of the garter, mid
inscribe upon it that grand motto of
the grandest order of knighthood ever
established-" Xoni' toit qui vial y penne"
and there isiiolamuii.youtigorold,
in Virginia, but rally round the tlHg,
and shed his .last drop in in defense of
the garter rights nf women, and cry:
"Down with the Yankee hip-ocraey."
Many n man is rich without money.
Thousands of men with nothing in
their pockets, and thousands will) not
even a pocket, are rich. A man born
with u good son ltd constitution, a good
stomach, u good heart nud pretty good
head piece, is rich. Good bones are
better than goid, t nigh- muscles than
silver; and nerves that flash fire and
carry energy to every function are
butter than houses or lauds.
It is belter than laud ostute to have
had the right kind of father and moth
er. Good breeds and bad breeds exist
among men us among herds and horses.
Education may do much to check evil
tendencies, or to develop good ones ;
but it is a great thing to inherit the
proportion of faculties to start with.
The man is rich who has a good dis
position who is naturally kin J, pa
tient, cheerful, hopeful, and who has
a fluvor of wit and fun iu his composi
tion. The hardest thing to get along
with in this life is a man's own 'self.
A cross, selfish fellow, a timid, care
burdened man ; these are all born de
formed uu the inside. Their feet may
not limp, but their thoughts do.
A physician called to prescribo for
a somewhat illiterate old lady, and as
cod liver oil, in his opinion, was tlie
reined v fo, her complaint, he wrote a
prescription for the t othecary to put
up, with the Latin f nln, "Die. Je".
Ass.," being an abbre iutioii of Oleum
Jecorit Asselli, or in plain English,
cod liver oil. The medicine was pro
cured, taken, and in a few weeks the
lady completely recovered her health.
A neighbor paid her a visit after her
recovery, and, expressing surprise at
her improved condition, inquired the
secret of so rapid a restoration. "Why,"
said tho old lady, lifting both hands
iu rte f'ul enthusiasm, "it was that
beautiful medicine, the Oil of Jackass,
that brought me ou my feet aguiu !"
California's latest curiosity is a roos
ter with two sets of legs, one on his
back. When he is weary of sliindin
in his naturul position, it is gravel
asserted, he turns asomersault, and
walks off upside down; and when he
takes a drink ho immediately turns
over, so as to swallovv it the more easily.
But it is iu a free fight thut he shows
to the greatest advantage ; for he is a
tcr.ililo fighter, and wlieu thus divert
ing himself looks tike a revolving
wheel, turning somersaults incessciitly
nud kicking in every direction.
Princess Dora d'lstria is called the
most learned wuiiiun in the world. She
can speak fifteen languages with one
hand tied behind her back, has written
several novels iu single or dotiblo har
ness, is nn honorary member of ten
learned societies in the Key of G, aim
can warble beuutitully ou the bass
drum, and yet elm is not happy, though
mirubile dicta she is quite good look
The Maysviile, Ky., Bulletin says:
"Our neighbors of the tobacco grouing
region have madn good crops this sea
son, and realized good prices for the
same. The regular dealers have made
large sums also. We are informed by
a manufacturer that his profit in thirty
days amounted to $18,000. We hear
of other parties who huve been equally
"Do you publish niatrimoiiiul no
tices for the patrons of your paper?''
said a gentlemanly looking youth,
stepping iuto our cilice the otiicr morn
ing. 'Certainly, sir." "Well, then,
I'll go and get married ; for I don't si c
any other way of getting my namo in
tho paper, ioee you have rejected all
inv pivtii"1! elj'nxion "
. Kates of Advertising. .
Ono Square-(1 Inch,) ono Insertion. ...fl 0
One Square " oho month 5 on
One Square . "- tlire months... 6 00"
Ono Square " oho year 10 00
Two Squares, one year ..........15 00
Quarter CoU " .30 00
Half " BO Ot)
(,, " -- 100 00
Business Cards, not exceeding one inch,
in length, tlO per year. -
l.epal notices at established roUs.
Thesp rates aro low, and no deviation
tvlll Ito made, or discrimination anions
I atrons. The rates ollercd are such, ss
will make It to tho advantanoor men iloi '
business in the limits of the circulation i.f
tne paper to advertise liberally.
A second hand clothier publicly an
nounces that he has "left oil clothing
of every description."
Ten poor men can sleep tranquilly
on a mat; but two kings arc not able
to live at peace in a quarter of the
At a receot burglars' convention in
Vermont, it was resolved that it was
"expedient" to use chloroform on vic
tims. What is the difference between a far
mer and a botlle of whiskey? One
husbands the corn, and the other corns
A fool. in n high station- isJike a man
on the top of a high mountain, every
thing appears small to him, aud heap,
pears small to everybody.
A tailor has just invented a new
fashioned coat; it has neither seam nor
opening. . To get into it you huvo to'
crawl out of your trowsers.
A widow has remarked, that when
a man loses his wife, it is his first duty,
to cry over the loss then it becomes
a habit, and at last a pleasure.
Chicago is itself again. The first
divorce since the fire has been record
ed, and the parties' inline is Chuffed.''
The great fire didn't bum up that
A victim of Greeley's handwriting
says: "If Horace hud written that iu
scriptiou ou the wall iu Babylon,
Belsluuzar would have' been a good
ileal more scared than he was."
An old edition of Morse's geography
cays, "Albany has four hundred dwell
ing houses, and two thousand four
hundred inhabitants, all standing with
their gable ends to tlie street."
A friend, traveling in Florida, says
of tho mosquitoes: Let a man go
to sleep with bis head in a cast iron
kettle, ami their lulls will make a wa
tering pot of it before morning.
A person being asked what a ghoet
said to him, which he pretended to
have seen, replied, "How ' should I
know what he sa.d? I am not skilled ,
iu any of the dead languages."
JoBh Billings sny that when you
commence a courting expedition, it is
the best way to court- the girl's mother'
a little in the start, as she knews all'
iibotit it, and will know what you are
gnod for. : . . i
An Irishman meeting another asked'
him what had. become of Patrick
O'Murphy. "Arrah, now, my dear
honey," answered he, "Patty was con.
deinned to be hanged, but he saved his
life by dying in prison !
The Boston Post savs that a man ia
Troy left a boarding house just because
a rat hit off hi ear. When eople get
to be thut particular about trifles, they
ought to quit boarding and go to keep
ing bonso. '
Victoria Woodhulf's parents nt nna
time kept a tavern in tenyder county.
Her motl er was a Kosauua Hummel,'
who in 18:18 married a Yankee. Vic
toria was born in Ohio. lie. last god- '
father was named Theodore- Tilton.
A little while ago a Kansas young
lady was throwu fr un a carriage, hud
her collar bone broken, suffered the
process of having it set uud reset seve
ral times, and had the nerve to stand
up and bo married a week after tho ac
They have some enterprising pub-'
lishcrs up at Berlin, Wisconsin. ' One'
day it was discovered that a shoe black
had the itch; and in less than twenty
minutes every citizen was duly wnru
ed by uu extra, gratuitously distribut-'
A Chicago man gave hiswifi of two
weeks' standing, $230 for dress, but
upon si-e'lig her arrayed in the fan tan.
tic fashion of the season ho war seiired'
with ulurm, und at once commenced'
"uit for divorce, ou the ground thut she
was a social evil.
Ten dollars is the largest fee given,
to a Boston minister tor performing
i ho marriage ceremony even ut tho
uost "we.li" weddings. Nine times in
en, after the honeymoon, the happy
couple are unniiiuiously of the opinion,
thut the prico is more than enough.
Au ill-tempered Western father for
cibly removed his daughter from a
ireus because while there, she allowed
t young lawyer to put his arm around
ic'r neck and comb her golJeu locks
.villi her fiugers. Could severity go'
A young lady in Wyoming, Vn.,
vhosa aged parents were worth uquar
er of a million before, the war, but
vere left by it in adversity, bus sup-4
orted them for the last three viars by
voi king iu tl fields by tho Jay, uud
lias jo much pride withitl, that she will
not accept a cent of charity.
A mau recently attempted uic:de
in Omaha bv washing his face. It
didn't work satif.ietoiil y, and then he -twisted
tho towel around hi neck and
hung himself up to dry. That was
likely to be more eucceHnful, but some
nnsvmpatlietio bystander took liiia
Now a day a bar tender is called