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busincMs in the limits of the circulation I
tne paper to advertise liberallv.
W. It. DUNN
tAot In Knox's Building, Kln Street.
TERMS, $2.00 A YEAR. .
No Subscription received for a shorter
period than throe months.
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tt the country. No notice will bo taken of
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"Lot us have Faith that Right makes Might; and in that Faith let ua to the end, dare do our duty as we understand it"--LINCOLN.
VOL. IV. NO. 3G.
TIONESTA, PA., TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 1871,
$2 PER ANNUM.
TIPNXSTA LODGE, NO. 47 7,
I. O. GK T.
Meets every Wednesday evening, at 8
W. R. DUNN, W. C. T.
M. W. TATE, W. 8.
X irawToit rXTTi. milks w. tate.
PETTIS & TATE,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
X let 1fr, TIOXESTA , PA .
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Oil City, Pa.
Will practice In the various Courts of
Forest County. All business entrusted to
all rare will receive prompt attenti n.
W. W. Mason,
ATTORNEY AT LAW. Office on Elm
Street, above Walnut, Tioncstu, I'a.
ATTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve
nango Co., Pa. tr.
N. B. Smiley,
A I V(.4 . f J.k,,.l.l. wit; ... v..
tre. Pa. Will practice in the several
HJourta of Forest County, S5-ly
W, P. Mercllllott,
Attorney at Law,'
REAL IISTATE AG EXT.
TI ON EST A, PA.
CXAR.K ft FASSETT,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
WARnEJf AND TIDIOUTE, TA.
THH UNDERSIGNED having associ
ated thainsnlvoa together in the prac
tice of law, oiler their professional sorvices
to the public.
Bnsines promptly a'tendod to In all Mio
eourta of Warren, Forest and adjoining
mmJ3 8. CLARK, D. D, FASSETT,
Warren, Pa. Tidtoiile, Pa.
MITTKL. Proprietor, Elm St.. Tio-
ne-ita, Pa., at the mouth of tlm crook,
Mr. I tin has thoroughly ronovnted the
Tinnetta House, and re-furuiahod It mm
plotelv. All who patronize him will le
well entertained at reasonable rte. 20 ly
D BLACK PROPRIETOR. Opposite
Court Houno, Tionesta, Pa. Juxt
opened. Everything new and clean and
fresh. The best of !!auors kept constantly
on hand. A portion of the public patron-
a;;e im respeciiuny xoiiciica. -u-v
OMOkESTA. PA., opposite the Depot.
-I C. 1). Mabie, Proprietor. Good Sta
bling connected with tho house. tf.
TIIIOUT Pa., J. D Maokr, Proplo
tors. The house ho been thoroughly
refitted and In now lu tho tlrst-class order,
with the best of aueoiumndutions. Anv
nfornittiion concerning Oil Territory at
tun point wui oe cneeriuiiv rurnishivi.
-Jy J. ad. maoee,
Y OWKR TIDIOUTE. Pa.. T. S. Rams.
XJ dkklABon I'rop'M. This house having
been retited Is now the most desirable ston-
CC place in Tidiouto. A good Billiard
,n attached, 4-ly
TRVINETON, PA. W. A. Hallonbaclc,
Proprlotor. This hotel la Nkw, and is
. open as a first class house, situate' at
re Junction of the Oil Creek A Allegheny
tiverand Philadelphia A Erie Railroads,
rposite the Depot. Parties having to lay
vor train will find this the moat conven
rnt hotel in town, with Arst-clasa acoom
iiodations and reasonable oharges. tf.
Dr. J. L. Acom.b,
PHYSICIAN AND SURO EON, who has
had rlfteen years' experience in a large
and successful practice, will attend all
Professional Calls. Ollice in his Drug and
Grocery Rtoro, located in Tidiouto, near
. IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND
& full assortment of Modlciuea, Liquors
Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, titans, Paints,
Oils, Cutlery, and tine Grtieeries, all of the
best quality, and will be Bold at reasonable
II. It. BURGESS, an experienced Drug
F 1st from New York, has charge of the
; tors. All prescriptions put up accurately.
SLOAN & VAN GIESEN.
-Corner of Churoh and Elm 8treets,
Tills firm Is prepared to do all work in
its line, and will warrant everything done
at their sh-ps to give satisfaction. Par
ticular attention given to
fltve them a trial, and you will not re
gret it. 13-1 y.
JOHN A. OALI, PHEI'T.
MH k. ROPIS, VICI WEST. A. H.STCCLC, CAIHS
Tionesta, Forest Co., Pa.
This Bank transact, a General Banking,
Collection and Exchange huctiuobs.
Dralls on the Principal Cities of the
Vnitcd SUttes and Europe bought and sold,
Uold and Silver Coin and Government
Securities bought and sold. 7-30 Bonds
converted on the mont favorable terms.
Interest allowed on time deposits.
Mar. 4. tf.
QUBtSCRIBK tor the P'srt T?pfhl)r
r7 It tll f""-
t.nw. ntTSfittMis. r.i
K' O. DITSSlUUt. Trns.
T. A. WRIOnT. Sfrr.
OKU. W. IHlHfltl!.
THE SUPERIOR LUMBER CO.,
Pine Lumber, Lath, Shingles '&c.
Mills on Tionota Creek, Forest Co., Pa.
Yardi k Office tor. 2!d k Bail Rond Sts.,
E. D. UIT1IKIP0C
FORT PITT GLASS WORKS.
Established A. D. 1327.
Dithridge's xx Flint Glass
Silvered Glass Reflectors.
. These chlmnoys do not break by heat.
Ask for DlTitniDOKs. Tuko no other.
MTU RIDGE A SON,
25-ly. Pittsburgh, Pa.
Xew Hoarding House. -
MRS. 8. S. IIULINOS lias built a largo
addition ti her honnr, and Is now pre
pared to necommoflutennumberof perma
nent boarders, and all transient ones who
may fnvor her with their patronage. A
good stable has recently been built to ao
commwlate tho hors-.os of giiwts. Chnrscs
reasonable. Residence on Elm St., oppo
site S. Haslet's store. 23-ly
Jos. Y. Saul,
PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad
dler. Three doors north of Holmes
House, Tionesta, Pa. All work is war
DR. .T. N. BOLARD. of Tidiouto, has
returnsd to his practice after an ab
sence of four months, spent in the Hospi
tals of New York, where will attend
rails in his profession.
Olllce in Eureka Drng Store, 3d door
tbove the bank, Tidiouto. Pa. 4(tf
at the Store of
D. S. KNOX, & CO.,
Elm f?t., ionoBta Pa.
We are In dully receipt o. ti. arg?t snd
MOST COMPLETE stock
EVER BROUG HT TO THIS M A IKET
BOOTS & SHOES !
which we are determined to sell regardless
of prices. - '
Ilouse Furnishing; Goods, Iron, Nails,
Machine tools. Agricultural Implements,
Jke., 4e 4c., which wf offer at greatly re
FURNITURE ! FURNITURE I !
of all kinds,
ES, Ac, Ac, Ac,
In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and see,
7-tf D. S. KNOX, A CO.
WANTED Men and Women seek
ing a good paying buhiness to sell our il
lustrated, Historical, uiograpmcai, reli
gious snd agricultural works. Send stamp
for full particulars how you can muk?loo
to $W per month. E. ?. TIH'AT 1Mb
llahur, sn,s Rv.wlvsy, N. V. -i
California Incident in 1849.
Spindle was a new arrival. The
camp, with cuetoranvy firnpricty, had
dubbed him thus, becauso he was so
slim. On tho same principle, his
awkwardness soon gave him uotoriety.
Nor this only; like One-eyed Tom,
Spindles had made one of the happiest
hits of the day. Young, passionate,
elated beyond degree with the splendor
of his prospectS, it was no surprise
that he should Cutirt the favor of the
pale-faced gamblers, who were the
aristocrats of the camp. It was no
wonder that they should uncover ins ,
. ... i.tii'
weaitness ana uetermine to - sau nun.
Play T No, no j Spindle did not piny ;
he only uaine in to watch the game ; it
was tiresome, sitting there in the tent,
alone. "Try it; double your stake on
a 'full,'" said a pleasant-facod fellow,
who was just raking in a hundred slugs
or more. Spindle was inclined to listen.
"Tell you what you do," said the gum
bier counting ; ,"go me halves for an
hour, and see how you come out,"
Spindle did so. At the end of the
hour he had won a "stake" of several
thousand dollars. Spindle was fasci
nated. "I will double this to-morrow !
night," said he mentally, as he left the
gamblers' tent, lie doubled it. "This
must be tripled," said Spindle, as he
sought the tent again, two nights after
ward. It was tripled. :Spinllo moans
to break, or be broken," sai I the by
stander, one night, about a week after
his original venture. "Look nt the
dust ho is betting." lie is, indeed,
betting heavily. The rattlesnake has
charmed him. Bet after bet, till the
winnings of the week have left him,
bet after bet, till its earnings are also
gone till the lust "sing" is up, helms
but a simpU "sight" for it. Woe to
him, for he wins I The tide is flooding
again, and Spindle is even. ,"Safo,
safe," he remarks, betting a hundred
"slugs" as a "blind,"-on the strength
of his confidence. One by one the
cards go round to the players. Spiudle
does tiot look at his, but gathers them
under his hand on the table. "I see
your 'blind,' aud go y()u a hundred
better." It was "Eagle-nose" who
spoke "Eagle nose, the lucky." Spin
dle looks at his cards. Me has a first
class hand four rj'ieens and a king;
four aces only will beat him. Eagle
nose can have but three of these, for
he saw one of them on the bottom of
the park, as the gambler laid the cards
on the table; the gambler meant than
he should see it. "I see your but, and
raise you a hundred better," respond
ed Spiudle. Eagle-nose is uncertain.
He looks wistfully at the gold, furiiivc
ly at his antugoui.-t, nod very careful
ly at the cards in his hand. ''Hcwiius,
he weakeus," says Spindle to himself.
"I thought he was 'bluffing.'" Spindle
does Out see tho smile- on the face of
the bystander back of the gambler, or
lie would think differently, liking
from the rough siool on which he sits,
Eagle nose steps back iu the tent, and
opens a strong wooden ciitCt. Two
bugs of dust ure taken frcm it, aud
the gambler staggers under the heavy
load, as he brinirs it toward the table.
Spindle sees a 810,000 mark on each
ot them, "liet you them ere things,
says Eagle-nose, as he lays the two
buL's with the other cold. It is now
Spindle's turn to hesitate. Can it be
that lie has the other ace 7 ro, he will
not think it; but whut shall he do?
He has not money enough on hand to
"call" him. He does not wish to do
this; it would be cwardly. "Hal"
says Spindle, "I have it now; will bet
my claim aud the few thousand I have
left, against his pile, if it only be largo
enough." This to himself. Then to
Eagle-nose, "What's your pilef"
"There are five more bags in the uiest,"
said tho gambler, quietly ; "what do
you do?" "Bet my claim against your
pile," said Spindle, intensely excited.
The bet was taken. Spindle threw his
cards the table, with a half paralyzed
motion, aad a face whiter than the
tent above him four queens and a
king. Engle-nose filed his ttf, one by
one three aces, a king.aud an ace. Not
a word was said by either; Spindle
coidd not ha,ve spoken, and Eagle
nose had no reason for so doing. A
few minutes afterward, the ruined mi
ner stairnered blindlr to the dor of
the tent, passed out into the m Qulight,
and the g ime went on as ever.
Half an hour later, Spindle sat in
his tent alotie. Before hi in was the
picture of a fair, sweet face, that had
won his love but a few years back.
Nobody sees him weep.while he wutche
t.ie play of light in its eloquent'eyes.
You could step in, and step heavily,
too, without startling him. He is lost
iu reproachful thought, leading down
to dispair. All that he had hoped to
do has vanished. Last flight rich iu
gold; to-night, bankrupt. Why should
he live? He can hear the roar of the
Yuba, as it tumbles over the el i IF only
a mile above him. He steps nut into
the open air; the cataract glimers iu
the distance.and the sound of its waters
soothes and fascinates him. Nobody
will miss him; why should he hesitate?
He moves toward it with eager
bound anil" determined purpose. Up
l he rocky hill up, up, up, till he
stands on the edge of tho precipice,
fur above the full he look at the white
tents in the distance; hate is blonzcd
i co ernrr one of them, tie Innks at
the white sprat, far, far below him ; a
hundred phantoms beseech him to
come to them. A pause, for an instant
only ; ho wh.spered something-was it a
prayer? A quick, terrible leap then,
the same soft moonlight as before, on
tho flower-clad hills around, on the
white tents of the sleeping ca np, and
on the whiter face of the cataract.
From " Hotel Bar" in tht November
Why Workingmen Leave England.
Morris Phillips, Esq., of tho Home,
Journal, writing from England, men
tions the following :
"In tho railroad station at Holyhead,
on the Wtlsh coast, I was witness to a
scene painful to any one who believes
all men are born free and equal. T he
mail service, between Dublin and Lon
don, only carries first and second-class
passengers. One of the splendid sea
going bouts that cross the Irish cannel
took us safely, and, strange to say,
pleasantly to Ilirlyhead, whrre the
train is 'made up' for London. It wus
Sunday, and only the first-class re
freshment mom wus open. Into this
nearly all the pafseujiers hurried for a
sandwich, cup of coffee, or a gla of
wine, for we had started on our jour
ney at six a. M. ; it was then eleven
o'clock and we should not stop any
where for refreshments until we reach
ed the magnificent station utid pretty
town of Crewe, at two r. M. Among
us there were three respectable-looking
but poorly-clad members of the work
ing classes, who stepped up to the bar,
asked politely for a gloss of ale, and
met with a fiat refusal. The pert and
pretty barmaid answered thnt she
would be pleased to serve them, but it
was against the rules to deliver any
thing to workingmen." They expostu
lated with her; then applied to the
proprietor'of the restaurant ; remark,
ed that 'they were hungry and thirsty;
said 'the tliird-clas refreshment-room
was not open,' and asked 'if their
money was not as good other people's?'
But argument was unavailing. The
barmaid was polite but firm; her em
ployer supported her, and the working
men left the saloon uure'reshed and
dejected. Hero were three honest
looking, sober, well-behaved men, re
fused meat and drink because they
were not arrayed in purple and fine
linen. An American present proposed
to obtain and convey to the men out
side the refreshment-room some ale
and sandwiches; but before the excel
lent idea could be carried out, the
whistle warned us to take our seats iu
the 'carriages.' " ,
What was his Other Name.
As Artemus Wnrd was once travel
ling in the cars, dreading to be bored,
and feeling miserable, a man approach
ed him, sat down and snid :
"Did you hear the last thing-on
"GreeW? Greeley?" said Artemus,
''Horace Greeley? i ho is ho?"
The man was quiet about five min
ute.'. tVetty s.?on he said :
"George Francis Tr.'un is kicking
up a Bimd deal of n row over ir Eng
land ; do von think they will put 12 j
in a bnstite?" - I
"Train, Train, George Francis
Train," said Artemus solemnly, "I
uever heard of him."
This ignorance kept the man quiet
for fifteen minutes, then he said :
"What do you think about General
Grant's chances for the Presidency?"
"Grant, Grant ! hang it man," said
Artemus, "you Hppear to know more
strangers than any man I ever saw."
The man was furious; he walked
up the cur, but at last came buck and
said : i
"You confounded tgnnramus,did you
ever hear of Adam?"
Artemus looked up and said :
"Whut was his other name?"
The greatest American preachers
wrote their sermons, especially the ser
mons which fihaped the thought ot
tlx.!,, f i fima nnil titirl .tufT.! nua 1 .1 u it...
pressioiit on the minds of their hearers.
Extemporaneous sermons are for im
mediate but not lasting int!uei)"e. Ed
wards, Alexander, Chanuin, and the
elder Beecher, wrote the sermons by
which they are remembered, .end by
which their ideas lived after they had
ceased to preach. Henry Ware, the
youngei, sometimes wrote and read his
sermons, sometimes extemporized. The
written sermons made the deepest im
pression. Thackeray says: "Beware
uftoomuih talk, O parsons! Ifumun
is to give an account of every idle
word he utters, for what a number of
such loud nothings, wiudy, emphatic
t ropes and metaphors, spoken not for
God's glory but for the preacher's will
many a cuaI. ion thumper have to uu
swer." lU-liijiout Juy.
X., who is giveu to exaggeration,
made a statement one evening at tht
table which was o fabulous that he
felt hiiUK'lf that he had gone a little
too far. Turning to one of tho guests
who seemed to be smiling slightly, he
said: "You don't believe that?" '"Oh,
yes," replied the other, "I believe it
because you say it, but I should not
havo believed it if I had taid it mv
The Chime of Bells.
Rev. Dr. Adams, in his beautiful
book on "Thanksgiving Memories,"
gives us the following incident: "In
the Cathedral of Limerick there hangs
a chime of hells which was cast in Ita
ly by an enthusiast iu his trade, who
fixed his home near the monastery
where they were first hung, that he
might daily enjoy their sweet and sol
emn music. In some political revolu
tion the bells were taken away to n
distant land, and their maker himself
became a refugee and exile. His wan
derings brought him, after many year.,
to Ireland. On a culm and beautiful
evening, as the vess-l which bore him
floated on the placid bosom of the
Shannon, suddenly the evening chimes
pealed from the cathedral towers. His
practiced car caught the sweet sound,
sud he knew his Tost treasu ers were
found. His early home, his old friends,
his beloved native land, nil the best
associations of bis life were in those
sounds. He laid himself back in the
boat, crossed h is arms across his breust,
and listened to the music. The boat
reached the wharf, but, still ho lay
there, silent uud motionless. - Thev
spoke to him, but he did not nnswer.
Ihey went to him, but Ins spirit had
fled. The tide of memories that cemo
vibrating through his heart at that
well-known chime, had snapped its
Aud so, sometimes, in after life,
when the feet of wayward mau have
strayed far away from the home of his
youth, aud his heart bus wandered far
from his father's God, some memory
of the past, like the sweet, sad melody
of the evening chime, may wake long
slumbering echoes niid stir long-sealed
fountains; and a father's counsels and
a mother's prayers will come up again
from the sacred burial places of the
past, with wondrous power to melt aud
win the wayward heart.
The most popular female writer of
America, whose great novel struck a
chord of universal sympathy through
out the civilized world, has habits of
composition peculiarly her own, and
unlike those belonging to any author
of whom wo have record. She croons,
so to speak, over her writings, and it
makes very little difference to her
whether there is a crowd of people
ubout her or whether she is alone dur
ing the composition of her books.
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" was wholly pre
pared for the press iu a littlo wooden
house in Maine, from week to week,
while the story was coming out in a
Washington newspaper. Most of it
was written by the evening lamp on a
pino tablo, about which the children
of the family wcro gathered together
conning their various lesson for the
next day. Amid the busy hum ot
earnest voices, constantly .asking qm s
tions of the mother, intent on her
world renowned task, Mrs! Stowe wove
together those thrillmgchapters which
were destined to tind readers in so
many languages throughout the globe.
No work of similar importance, as far
as we know, was ever written amid so
niii' h that seemed hostile to literary
composition. Jut. T. Field.
"Whiskey Has Used Him Up."
Th?re is scarcely a community or
neig!:borbood from Msiue to Oregon
where tin saying is not used almost
every day in the year, ami altogether
too truly. A subject of this ki.":'! is
to be found in almost every town. The
uiTchuul has failed and whiskey has
dune it. The lawyer with brilliant
talent and a large business has fallen
below the range of respectability and
confidence; whiskey was the i-uuse.
The politician with bright prospects
before him has played out, and the
uccoui.t is charged to whiskey. The
judgu of talent, nge and re?H'c-ialility
is the subject of private ami neighbor
hood talk. His enemies point with
derision, and his friends hang their
heads iu shame, and whiskey has done
it. Thut kind heurted and hard work
ing muu litis become a pest in society
and trouble to his family ; vhiskcy has
beat him. Whiskey will beat any
1 nud lUl U just ,vLat U is
It is impossible to predict the ex
treme prices to which timber may ad
vance before the present generation
passes away. We have a statement
from an English nuper of prices real
ized for thirty oak trees sold at auc
tion iu Burg'iley Park, as follows:
One tree brought $;i00, another $310.
a third Jli'il ; the whole thirty brought
$4,500, averaging 8150 each. These
must have been large trees, but small
er trees are proportionately valuable.
There is but little doubt that within a
century or less timber will be us scarce
iu America as it is now iu Europe,
and it is not probable that a sufficient
substitute will ever be found to occupy
it) place iu the industries of mankind.
Therefore plant trees, aud pluut the
right sort, especially thoso tuoet re
quired in building.
A Louisville lady who wanted to
marry another man, but couldn't wuit
for a divorce, sent her husband . down
cellar with a kerosene lamp for u
pitcher of cider. When he got the
cider drawn sho yelled "murder," he
dropped tho lamp, and she was a bo
wit -tMii young n iduw .
Some New England lady Mrs.
Daniels, we believe another" of the
Daniels come to judgment has invent
ed a new-fangled apparatus for keep
ing ladies' stockings up, which is to
supersede the time honored and knight
ly garter. It may do well enough for
those ladies who lack sufficient rotun
dity of limbs, but our Virginia women
are not deficient in any of the necessary
adjuncts that go to make up the mould
of form, and can keep their garters on
aud stockings up without resorting to
any new inventions. What will the
Yankees ask us to surrendet : next ?
The garter is an old and cherished
institution ; and, although the elastic
invention with the buckle has been ad
doptcd by many jit j belles, the fr?e
born and uucoiiveutionul country girls
still stick to twine nod tape and other
strings some even using ns a tie the
primitive wisp of straw. We will have
none of this new-fashioned hip-attach-ineut
gearing. Wo are true to our
ancient ties. It is a direct assault up
on our civilization a blow aimed at
our gartered rights and we will resent
it wlnle we have a leg to stand on.
Ladies, he true to your stock iocs.
Unfurl the banner of the garter, nud
inscribe upon it thnt grand motto of
the grandest order of knighthood ever
established-" unt toil qui mal y pente"
aud there is not a man, young or old,
in Virginia, but rally round the Hair,
and shed his Just drop iu iu defense id'
tho garter rights of women, and cry :
"Down with the Yankee hip-ocracy."
Many a man is rich without money.
Thousands of men with nothing in
their pockets, and thousands with not
even a pocket, are rich. A man born
with a good souifd constitution, a good
stomach, a good heart and pretty good
head piece, is rich. Uood hones aro
better than goid, t nigh- muscles than
silver; and nerves that flash fire and
carry eneruy to every function nre
better than houses or lands.
It is belter than laud estate to have
hud the right liud of father and moth
er. Good breeds and bad breeds exist
among men as among herds aud horses.
Education may do much to check evil
tendencies, or to develop good ones ;
but it is a great thing to inherit the
proportion of faculties to start with.
Tho man is rich who has a good dis
position who is naturally kind, im
tient, cheerful, hopeful, and who has
a flavor of wit and fun iu his composi
tion. The hardest thing to get ulong
with in this life is a man's own 'self.
A cross, selfish fellow, a timid, care-
burdened man these ure all born de
formed uu the inside. Their feet may
nut limp, but tlinir thoughts do.
A physician called to 'prescribe for
a somewhat illiterate old lady, and us
cod liver oil, in his opinion, was the
remedy toi her complaint, lie wrote a
prescription for the apothecary to put
up, with the I jiil in formula, "OIo. Je".
Ass.," being tin abbreviation of Oleum
Jecoris Asselli, or iu plain English,
cod liver oil. The medicine was pro
cured, taken, and in a few weeks the
lady completely recovered her heulth.
A neighbor paid her a visit after her
recovery, and, expressing surprise at
her improved condition, inquired the
secret of so rapid a restoration. "Why,"
said tho old lady, lifting both hands
in riteful enthusiasm, "it was that
beautiful medicine, the Oil of Jackass,
that brought me m my feet again !"
California's latest curiosity is a rooj.
ter w ith two sets of legs, one on his
bark. When he is weary of standing
iu his natural position, it is gravel
asserted, he turns asomersault, and
walks off upsido down; and when he
takes a drink he immediately turns
over, so as to swallow it the more easily.
But it is in a free fight that he shows
to the greatest advantage; for he is a
tcr.ihlu lighter, aud wheu thus divert
ing himself looks like a revolving
wheel, turning somersaults incesseutly
and kicking iu every direction.
Princess Dora dTstiia is called the
most lc rue. I woman in the world. She
inn speak fifteen languages a ith one
hund tied behind her buck, bus written
several novels iu single or double har
ness, is nn honorary member of ten
learned societies in the Key of G, and
run warble beautifully ou the bass
drum, and yet she is not happy, though
mirabile diciu she is quite good look-iog-
The Muysviile, Ky Bulletin says:
"Our neighbors of the tobacco growing
region have mado good crops this sea
son, and realized good prices for the
same. The regular dealers have made
largo sums also. Wa ure informed by
a manufacturer that his profit iu thirty
days amounted to 818.UOO. We hear
of other parties who hak'e been equully
"Do you publish matrimniiiul no
tices for the patrons of your pupcr?"
said a geiilleiiiuuly looking youth,
stepping into our uliice tho other morn
iiiK. '-Certainly, sir." "Well, then,
I'll go and get married ; for 1 dnu'tste
nny other way of getting my name in
tho papr, since you have rij'etM all
in v povtien! ell'mion "
A second hand clothier publicly an
nounces that he has "left olf clothiug
of every description."
Ten poor men can sleep tranquilly
on a mat; but two kings are not able
to live at peace in a quarter of the
At a rereut burglars' convention in
Vermont, it was resolved that it was
"expedient" to use chloroform on vic
tims. What is the difference between a far
mer and a bottle of whiskey? One
hushunds the corn, and the other corns
the bushau 1.
A fool. in n high station- isike a mau
on the top of a high mountain, every
thing appears small to him, aud he ap
pears small to everybody.
A tailor ha just invented a new
fashioned coat; it has neither seam nor
opening. To get into it you have to-'
crawl out of your trowsers.
A widow has remarked, that when
a man loses his wife, it is his first duty,
to cry over the loss then it becomes
a habit, and ut last a pleasure.
Chicago is itself again. The first
divorce since the fire has been record
ed, nud the parties' imme is Chuffed.
The great fire didn't bum up that
charT, eh? -
A victim of Greeley's handwriting
snys: "If Horace had written thut iu-,
scriptiou ou the wall iu Babylon,
Belsluuzar would l.uve been a good
deal more scared than he was."
An old edition of Morse's geography
says, "Albany has four hundred dwell
ing houses, and two thousand four
hundred inhabitants, all standing null
their gable ends to the street."
A friend, traveling in Florida, snys
of the mosquitoes: Let a man go
to sleep with bis head iu a cast iron
kettle, ami their bills will make a wa
tering pot of it before morning. '
A person being asked what a chnet
said to him, which he pretended to,
have seen, replied, "How should I
know what he sa.d? I am not skilled
in any of the dead lutigtiuges."
Josh Billings say that when you
commence a courting expedition, it is
the best way to court the girl's mother'
a little in the start, as she km.ws all'
ubout it, aud will know what you are
An Irishman meeting another asked
him what had. become of Patrick
O'Murphy. "Arrah, now, my dear
honey," answered he, "Patty was con
demned to be hanged, but he saved his
lifo by dying in prison ;
The Bostou Post says that a man ia
Troy left a boarding house just because
a rat bit off hi ear. When jieople get
to be that purtieularabout trifles, they
ought to quit boarding and go to keep
in Ki.no . '
Victoria WoodhuU's parents nt one
time kept a tavern iu Snyder county.
Her molt er was a Kosautiu Hummel,
who in 18:?8 married a Yankee. Vic-
toria was nom ininiio. xio. lasigou
father was named Theodore Til ton.
A little while ago a Kansas younjr
Inrlv una thrown from a carriage, hud
her collar bone broken, suU'ered the
process of having it set und reset seve
ral times, aud had the nerve to stand
up and he married a week after the ac
cident ' . , ' -, r .
They have some enterprising pub
lishers up at Berlin, Wisconsin. ' One'
day it was discovered that a shoe-blck
had the itch, and in less than twenty
minutes every citizen was duly warn
ed bv un extra, gratuitously distribut
ed. A Chicago man cave his wifi of two
weeks' standing, $2oQ for dress, but
upon seeing her arrayed in the fantas
tic fashion of the season he was seiired'
with alarm, and ut once commenced'
uit for divorce, ou theground thatshe
was a social evil.
Ten dollars is the largest fee given,
to a Boston minister tor performing
i ho inarriajre ceremony even ut tho
unst "swell" weddings. Sine times in
en, after the honeymoon, the happy
couple aro unanimously of theopiuiou
thut the prico is more thuu enough.
An ill-tempered Western father for
ibly removed his daughter from a
ircus because while there, she allowed
i young lawyer to put his arm around
ie"r neck and comb her golJeu locks
villi her fingers. Could severity go
A young lady in Wyoming, Va.,
vhoee aged parents were worth uquur
er of a million before ihe wur, but
vere left by it in adversity, bus up-
orted them for tho lust three viursby
voi king in tU fields by the duy, uud
luii jo modi pride wiilm I. that she will
not accept a cent of charity.
A muu recently attempted uic:de
iu Omaha bv washing his face. It
didn't work satifaetwily, and then he
twisted tho towel around his neck and
hung himself up to dry. I bat was
likely to be more sueeew'tul, but some
iniKvmpathetio bystander took liitu
Now-a-day a bar tender is called a