The Forest Republican. (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, December 12, 1871, Image 2
II KTBUffnKO tVEKY TUESDAY, ttt VT. I. DUNN. 9tU In Kiox's Building. K!n Street. TERMS, f2.00 A YEAR. N o Subscriptions received for a shorter period than throe months. Correspondence solicited from all parts of the country. No notice will bo taken of anonymous communications. Marriages and Death notices inserted frails. v BJJSINESS DIRECTORY. XIONKSTA LODGE, NO. 477. I. O. Gh T. Meets very Wednesday evening, at 8 o'clock. W. R. DUNN, W. C. T. K. W. TATE, W. 8. X WaWTOK FCTTIS. MILKS w. tatb. PETTIS A TATE, . ATTORNEYS AT LAW, rit. TIOSKSTA, PA. Isaac Ash, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Oil Cltr. Pa. Will practice tn tlie various Courts of forest County. All business entrusted to alt rare will receive prompt attentl n. 16 ly " . , W. W. Mason, ATTORNEY AT LAW. omee on Elm Street, above Walnut, TionesUi, I'a. a W. Gilflllan, TTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve L nango Co., Pa. tf. N. B, Smiley, ATTORNEY T LAW, Petroleum Con tra. Pa. Will praotice in the several Courts of Forest County. 85-ly , W. P. Mercllliott, Attorney at L a w ASD DEAL KNTATE AGEXT. TIONESTA, PA. r-tr' 1 ' CLAUK A FASSETT, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, WARREN AND TIDIOUTE, TA. THF. UNDEIWIGNKD Imvlntr associ ated themselves UiRothor In the prac tice of law, offer their professional sorv.eos to the public 13usinr promptly aMenrtad to In all Mio eourts of Warren, Forost and adjoining ountlHS. JUSTUS R. CLARK, l arrcu. Pa. D. D. TA3EETT, Tidioute, . Pa. Tionesta House. MITTKL, Proprietor, Elm St., Tio- ne-ita, Pa., at tho mouth of thn crock. Mr. I'tle has thoronahlv renovated the Tinnesta Houw, and re-furuishod it com pletely. " All who patronize hlin will be wall entertained at ronsounblo ratc. 20 ly y FOfEST KCLSh., D CLACK PROPRIETOR. Opposite Court-House, Tionesta, Pa. Just fipened. Kverytliinn new and clean and ffrejh. The best of liquors kept constantly on hand. A portion of the public patron . age in respectfuly Mollt.jtod. 4-17-lV Holmes House, OMCNESTA. PA., opposite the Depot, A C. I). Mable, Pmpriptor. Good Sta bling connected with the house. tf. Syracuse House, VrlmoUT,-' Pa-i j- n Maokr, Proplo A tors. The limine boa been thorouirhlv refitted and Is now ill the Hrst-elats order, with the best of accommodations. Anv nformation concerning Oil Territory at this point will be cheerfully furnished, -ly J. AD. MAOEE, Exchange Hotel, LOWER TIDIOUTE, Pa., D. S. Rams DKRf. A Hon Prop's. This house having 1een retited is now the most desirable ston- pinil place in Tidlouto. A good Billiard itoo.n attached, 4-ly National Hotel, TRVINETON, PA. W. A. Hallenbaek, Proprietor. This hotel is New, and Is JW open as a first class house, situate' at re Junction of the Oil Crock A Allegheny liver and Philadelphia A Erie Railroads, pposite the Depot. Parties having to lay vcr trains will find this the most conven eut hotel in town, with rlrst-class accom nodstions and reasonable Imnros. tf. Dr. J. L. Acoirtb, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, who has had tiftecn years' experience in a large and successful practice, will attend all Professional Calls. Omce in his Drag and Grocery Storo, located in Tidioute, near Tidioute House. IN HIS STORE WILL BE FOUND , A full assortment of Medicines, Liquors Tobacco, Cigars, Stationery, Glass, Paints, Oil, Cutlery, and tine Groceries, all of the best quality, and will be sold at reasonable II. It. BURGESS, an experienced Drug It 1st from New York, has clutrge of tho "iture. All prescriptions put up accurately. SLOAN & VAN GIESEN. AND T7 A GO N - MAKERS. ,' -Corner of Churoh and Elm Streets, TIOlSrESTL, 13JV. This firm is prepared to do all work in Jls line, and will warrant everything done at their ah-ps to give satislautiou. Par licular attention given to llORSEIIOEIXO, Give them a trial, and you will not re gret iu 13-1 y. JOHN A. OALI, PRE IT. MN A. SROMS, VICESRCST. A. N.STCCLCCAtHR, TIOIsrJElSTJL Savings bank, Tionosta, Forest Co., Pa. This Rank transact, a General Banking, t!ollecting and Kxchanue Husiuos. Draft's uu the Principal Cities of the United Suites and Europe boughtand sold. Gold and Silver Coin and Government Securities bought and sold. 7-30 Bond I'onvei'toa on the nioet luvorable terms. Intret ailowod on time deposits. .Mar. 4, tf. OUBhCRIBK for f? It -gJ.t vr. d OREST ' Lot us have Faith VOL. IV. NO. 36. mw. niTssiiMis, -. K' D. DlTMSlbva, Tcv T. A. ITRIOnT. S.pt. GEO. W, DIlHRIIWlS. BuflltMa M.rtt(r. THE SUPERIOR LUMBER CO., manufacturers of Pine Lumber, Lath, Shingles 'die. Mills on Tionesta Creek, Forest Co., Pa. Yards & Office cor. 23d i Rail Road Sts., PITTSBURGH, TA. EDWARD DITIIR1DUK. I. D. DITMHIDOI FORT PITT GLASS WORKS. Established A. D. 1327. BtTHRtBGE & SON, MAJCITF AOTrltKnS OF Ditliridge's xx Flint Glass PATENT OVAL LAMP CHIMNEYS. AND Silvered Glass Reflectors. . These chimneys do not break by heat. Ask for Ditiiridoks. Tako no other. I'lTHRIDGfi A RON, 25-ly. Pittsburgh, I'a. Xcw Hoarding House. - MIt. S. S. HUUNCS has huilt a largo addition to hnr house, and is now pre pared to iwcoinmodutennumbcrof perma nent boarders, and all transient ones who may favor her with their patronage. A g-Hid stable has recently boon built to ac commodate the horses of guests, (.'linrtres reasonable. Itcxldcuce on Kim St., oppo site S. Haslet's storo. 23-ly Jos. Y. Saul, PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad dler. Three doors north of Holme House, Tionesta, Pa. All work ia war ranted, tf. DR. .1. N. UOLARD. of Tidioute, has returnsd to his practice after an ab senco of four months, spent in the Hospi tals of New York, whore will atUmd calls in his profession. Olllce in Kurcka Irn(r Store, 3d door ibove the bank, Tidioute, Pa. 4tf GREAT EXCITEMENT! at ths Store of D. S. KNOX, & CO., Elm !?t., ioDesta Ta. We are In dully receipt oi ti argt and MOST COMPLETE stock GROCERIES and PROVISIONS, EVER BROUG HT TO THIS MARKET BOOTS & SHOES ! FOR THE MILLIONS! which we are determined to soil regardless of prices. - AND House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails, Machine tools, Agricultural Implements, Ae.( Ac,, Ac, which wtf offer at greatly re duced prieoa. FURNITURE I FURNITURE I ! of all kinds, PARLOR SUITS, CHAMBER SETS, LOUNGES, WHATNOTS, 8PIUNO BEDS, MATRESSES, LOOKING GLASS ES, Ac,, Ac, Ac, In ENDLESS VARIETY. Call and soo, 7-tf D. S. KNOX. CO. WAXTEO-Menand Women seek inn a Kod nay in vt business to sell our il lustrated, historical, biographical, reli gious and aiirifiiltiiral works. Send stamp for full particulars how you can niaketloO to S-100 per month. E. I?. Tit EAT, l'tili llshor, An:, ?iv..sv, N. Y. -i it that Right makes Might ; and TIONESTA, California Incident in 1849. Spindle wns a new arrival. The camp, with customary propriety, had iluhbed him tints, because he waa so slim. On tho same principle, his awkwardness soon gave liim notoriety. Nor this only ; like One-eyed Tom, Spindles had made one of the happiest hits of tho day. Young, passionate, elated beyond degree with the splendor of his pruspecs, it was no surprise that he should cuurt the favor of the pale-faced gamblers, who were the aristocrats of the camp, It was no wonder that tticy should discover his weakness and determine to "salt" liim. Plaj ? No, no; Spindle did nut play; he only camera to watch the game; it was tiresome, sitting there in the tent, alone. "Trit; double, your rtake on a 'full,'" said a pleasant-faced follow, who was just rnkiug in a hundred slugs or more. Spiudlu was inclined to listen. "Tell you what you do," said the gam bler counting ;, "go me halves fur an hour, and sea how you como out." Spindle did so. At the end of the hour he had won a "stake" of several thousand dollars. Spindle was fusci nated. "I will double this to-morrow night," said he mentally, as he left the gamblers' tent. lie doubled it. "This must be tripled," said Spindle, as he sought tho tent again, two nights after ward. It was tripled. "Spindle moans to break, or be broken," sui I the by standers, one night, about a week after his original venture. "Look nt the dust ho is betting." He is, indeed, betting heavily. The rattlesnake has charmed him. Bet after bet, till the wiuniugs of the week have left liim, bet after bet, till its earnings are also gone till the last "sing" is up, lie has but a simplt "sight" for it. Woe to him, for he wins! Tho tide is flooding again, and Spindle is even. 'Safu, safe," he remarks, betting a hundred "slugs" as a "blind," on the strength of itis confidence. One by one the cards go round to the players. Spiudle does not look at bis, but gathers them under his hand on the table. "I see your 'blind, and go you a hundred better." It was "Eagle-nose" who spoke "Eagle nose, the lucky." Spin dle looks at his cards. lie has a first class hand four queens and a king; four aces only will beat him. Eaglo nose can have hut three of these, fur he saw one of them ou the bottom of the puck, as the gambler laid the cards on the tu'.ile; the gambler meant time he should see it. "I see your bet, and raise you a hundred better," respond ed Spindle. Ea;le-nose is uncertain. He looks wistfully at the gold, furitivc ly at his antugoni.-t, itt:d very careful ly ut the cards in hUlmnd. "He waits, he weakens," soys Spindle to himself. "I thought he was 'bluffing.'" Spiudle does Out see the smile oi the fiice of the bystander buck of the gambler, or he would think differently. Rising from the rough si.:ol on which lie sits, Eagle nose steps back in tho tent, and opens a strong wooden ciitCt. Two bugs of dust are taken from it, nud the gambler staggers under the heavy load, as he britiirs it toward the table. Spindle sees a $10,000 mark on each of them. "Bet you them 'ere things," says Eitjjle-nose, as he lays the two bugs with the other gold. It is now Spindle's turn to hesitate. Can it be that he has the other ace? No, he will not think it; but whut shull lie do? He has not money enough on hand to "call" him. lie does not wish to do th is ; it would be cowardly. "Ha!" says Spindle, "I have it now ; will bet my cluim and the few thousand I have left, a;tiinta his pile, if it only be largo enough." This to himself. " Then to Eagle-nose, "What's your pile?" "There are five more bags in the chest," said the gambler, quietly ; "what do you do?" "Bet my claim agaitwt your pile," s:tid Spindle, intensely excited. The bet was taken. Spindle threw his cards the table, with a half paralyzed motion, ajd a face whiter than the tent above him four queens and a king. Eagle-nose filed his off, one by one three aees.a l;ing,iiud an aee. Not a word was said by either; Spiudle could not ha.vo spoken, and Eagle nose had no reason for so doing. A few minutes afterward, tho ruined mi ner staggered blindly to the dtur of the tent, passed out into the m njuliglit, and the c uue went on as ever. Half ao hour later, Spiudle sat in his tent alono. Before liim was the picture of a fair, sweet face, that had won his love but a few years back. Nobody sees him weep, while he watches trie pluy of light in it eloquent'eyes. You could step in, and step heavily, too, without startling him. Ho is lost iu reproachful thought, leading down to dispair. All thut he had hoped to do has vanished. Last niht rich iu gold ; to-night, bankrupt. Why should he live? He can hear tho rour of the Yuba, as it tumbles over thecliff only a mile above him. lie steps nut into the open air; the cataract glimers iu the distance, and the sound of its waters soothes and faici nates him. Nohody will miss him; why should he hesitate? He moves toward it with eaer hound and" determined purpose. Up the rocky hill up, up, up, till lie stands ou the edge of tho precipice, far above the full he look at the white tents in the distance ; hate is blonzcd i M ftmf ihip f thetn. He looks tit Republican in that Faith let us to the end, PA., TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 1871. the white spray, far, far below him ; a hundred phantoms beseech him to come to them. A pause, for an instant only ; ho wh.spered something-was it a prayer? A quick, terrible leap then, the same soil moonlight as before, n tho flower-clad hills around, on (he white tents of the sleeping ca np, and on the whiter face of the cataract. From "Hotel Bar," in the November Overland Monthly. Why Workingmen Leave England. Morris Phillips, Esq., of the Home Journal, writing from England, men tions the following: "In the railroad station at Holyhead, on tho Welsh coaft, I wa9 witness to n scene painful to any one who believes all men are born free and equal. The mail service, between Dublin and Lou den, only carries first and second-class passengers. One of the splendid sea going boats that cross the Irish cannel took us safely, and, strange to say, pleasantly to Hiflyhead, whrre the train is 'made up' for Loudon. It was Sunday, and only the first-class re freshment room was open. Info this nearly all the patseucers hurried for a sandwich, cup of coffoe, or a gla of wine, for we had started on our jour ney nt six A. M. ; it was then eleven o'clock and we should not stop any where for refreshments until we reach ed tho magnificent station and pretty town of Crewe, at two p. m. Among us there were three respectable-looking but poorly-clad members of the work ing classes, who stepped up to the bar, asked politely for a glass of ale, and met with a flat refusal. The pert and pretty bamtaid answered that she would bo pleased to serve them, but it was against the rules to deliver any thing to workingmen: They expostu lated with her; then applied to the proprietor'of the restaurant ; remark, ed that 'they were hungry and thjrsty; said 'the third-cltiB refreshment-room was not open,' and asked 'if their money was not as good other people's?' But argument wua unavailing. The barmaid was polite but firm ; her em ployer supported her, and the working men left the saloon unre'reshed mid dejected. Hero were three honest looking, sober, well-hnhnveil men, re fused meat and drink because they were not arrayed in purple and fine linen. An American present proposed to obtain and convey to the men nut side the refreshment-room some ale and sandwiches; but before the excel lent idea could be carried out, the whistle warned us to take our seats iu the 'carriages.' " , What was his Other Name. As Artemus Ward was once travel ling in the cars, dreading to be bored, and feeling miserable, a man approach ed him, sat down and s:tid : "Diil you hear the last thing-on Horace Greeley?" "GreeW? Greeley?" said Artemus, ''Horace Greeley? t ho is ho?" The man was quiet about five miu tiles. P;etty s.?on he said: "George I'Vancis T.".,lin ia kicking up a good deal of a row over in Eng land; do you think they will put hi?: in a bnstife?" - "Train, Train, George Francis Train," said Artemus solemnly, "I never heard of him." This ignorance kept tho man quiet for fifteen minutes, then he said : "What do you think admit General Grant's chances for the Presidency?" "Grant, Grant! hang it man," said Artemus, "you appear to know more strangers than any man I ever saw." The man was furious; he walked up tho cur, but at last came back and said : , ' "You confounded Ignoramus.did you ever hear of Adam?" Artemus looked up and said : "What was his other name?" . The greatest American preachers wrote their sermons, especially the ser mons which fihaprd the thought ot their times and made ineffaceable im- 1resiotis on the minds of their hearers, temporuncous sermons are for im mediate but not lasting influence. Ed wards, Alexaudcr, Chunuin, and the elder Beechcr, wrote the sermons by which they are remembered, nd by which their ideas lived after they had ceased to preach. Henry Ware, the youngei, sometimes wrote and read his sermons, sometimes extemporized. The written sermons made the deepest im pression. Thackeray says: "Beware of too much talk, O parsons! It'umtui is to give au account of every idle word he utters, Cor what a number of such loud iiolh'iigs, witniv, einpliutie tropes and metaphors, spoken not for God's glory but tor the preacher's will many u ctisl. ion thumper have to uu swer." lleliijiout May. X., who is given to exaggeration, made a statement one evening at t lit. table which was so fabulous that he felt himself that he had gone a little too far. Turning to ono of the guests who seemed to be smiling slightly, he said: "You don't believe thut?" "Oh, yes," replied the other, "I believe it because, you say it, but I should net havo believed it if I had aid it my- M-ir." dare do our duty as we understand it"--LINCOLN. The Chime of Bells. Rev. Dr. Adams, in his beautiful book on "Thanksgiving Memories," cives us the following incident: "In the Cathedral of Limerick there hangs chime of hells which was cast in Ita ly by an enthusiast in his trade, who fixed his home near the monastery where they wero first hung, that he might daily fnjoy their sweet and sol emn music. In some political revolu tion the bells were taken away to n distant land, anil their maker himself became a refugee and exile. His wan derings brought him, after many years, to Ireland. On a culm and beautiful evening, as the vess-l which bore him floated on the placid bosom of the Shannon, suddenly the evening chimes pealed from tho cathedral towers. His practiced car caught the sweet sound, tud he knew his Tost trousu ers were found. His early home, his old friends, his beloved native land, nil tho best associations of bis life were in those sounds. He laid himself back in the boat, crossed his arms across his breust, anil listened to the music. The boat reached the wharf, but still ho lay there, silent and motionless. - They spoke to him, hut ho did not nnswer. They went to him, but his spirit had fled. The tide of memories that camo vibrating through his heart at that well-known chime, had snapped its strings!" Aud so, sometimes, in after life, when the feet of wayward mau have strayed fur away from the home of his youth, and ids heart bus wandered fur from his father's God, some memory of the past, like the sweet, sad melody of the evening chime, may wnke long slumbering eclihcs niid stir long-senled fountains; and a father's counsels and n mother's prayers will come up again from the sacred burial places of the past, with wondrous power to melt and win the wayward heart. The most popular female writer of America, whose great novel struck a chord of universal sympathy through out the civilized world, has habits of composition peculiarly her own, ami unlike those belonging to any author of whom we have record. She croons, so to speak, over her writings, and it makes very little difference to her whether there is a crowd of people about her or whether she is alone dur ing the composition of her books. "Uncle loin s Culiin was wholly pre pared for the press in a littlo wooden house iu Maine, from week to week, while the story was coining out in a Washington newspaper. Most f Jt was written by the evening lamp on a pino tablo, about which the children ot the family were gathered together conning their various lesson for the next day. Amid the busv hum ot earnest voices, constantly uskiug out s tions of the mother, intent on her world renowned task, Mrs.' Stowe wove together those thrilling chapters which were destined to find renders in so many languages throughout the globe. No work of similar importance, as fur as we know, was ever written amid so much that seemed hostile to literary composition. Jut. T. Field. "Whiskey Has Uhed Him Up." jTlifre is scarcely a community or neighborhood trom Maine to Uregon where thi saying is not used almost every day in the year, and altogether ton truly. A subject of this ki.:'! is to be found in almost every towu. The merchant has failed and whiskey bus done it. Tho lawyer with brilliant talent and a large business has fallen below the range of respectability and confidence; whiskey was the cause. The politician with bright prospects before him has played out, mid the account is charged to whiskey. The judge of talent, nge and respectability is the subject of private niiii neighbor hood talk. His enemies point with derision, and bis friends hang their heads iu sliame, and whiskey has done it. Thut kind heurted and hard work ing inuu hus become a pest in society and trouble to his family; whiskey has heat iti ru. Whiskey will heat any I man living, aud that is just whut it is made tor. It is impossible to predict the ex treme prices to which timber may ad vance before the present generation passes away. We have a statement from an English puper of prices real ized for thirty oak trees sold ut auc tion iu Burg'.ilcy Park, us follows: One tree brought l.'JGO, another $310, a third t'V2i ; the whole thirty brought $4,500, averaging $150 eat ii. These must huve been large trees, but small er trees aio proportionately valuable. There is but little doubt that within a century or less timber w ill be as scarce in America us it is now iu Europe, anil it is not probable that a sufficient substitute will ever lie found to occupy ill place, iu the industries of mankind. Therefore plant trees, anil plant the right sort, especially thostt most re quired iu building. A Louisville lady who wanted to marry another man, but couldn't wuit for a divorce, sent her husband . down cellar with a kerosene lamp for a pitcher of cider. When he got the cider drawn ho yelled "murder," he dropped tho lamp, and she vn a bo w i? -hing young w idow. $.2 PER ANNUM. GaMcrs. Some New England lady Mrs. Daniels, we be'icve another' of the Daniels come to judgment has invent ed a new-fangled npparatus for keep ing ladies' stockings up, which is to supersede the time honored and knight ly garter. It may do well enough for those lailies who luck suflicient rotun dity of limbs, but our Virginia women are not deficient in any of the no?cssary adjuncts that go tn make np the mould of form, and can keep their garters on and stockings up without resorting to any new inventions. What will the Yankees ask us to surrendei i next? The garter is an old aod cherished institution ; and, although the elastic invention with the buckle has been nd dopted by many oity belles, the free born and unconventional country girls still stick to twine nud tape and other strings Sotno even using as a tie the primitive wisp of straw. We will have none of this iicw-fushioncd hip-attachment gearing. We are true to our itncient ties. It is a direct assault up on our civilization a blow turned at our gartered rights and we will resent it while we have a leg to stand on. Ladies, be true to your stockings. Unfurl the banner of the garter, mid inscribe upon it that grand motto of the grandest order of knighthood ever established-" Xoni' toit qui vial y penne" and there isiiolamuii.youtigorold, in Virginia, but rally round the tlHg, and shed his .last drop in in defense of the garter rights nf women, and cry: "Down with the Yankee hip-ocraey." Richmond Fnqnirer. Many n man is rich without money. Thousands of men with nothing in their pockets, and thousands will) not even a pocket, are rich. A man born with u good son ltd constitution, a good stomach, u good heart nud pretty good head piece, is rich. Good bones are better than goid, t nigh- muscles than silver; and nerves that flash fire and carry energy to every function are butter than houses or lauds. It is belter than laud ostute to have had the right kind of father and moth er. Good breeds and bad breeds exist among men us among herds and horses. Education may do much to check evil tendencies, or to develop good ones ; but it is a great thing to inherit the proportion of faculties to start with. The man is rich who has a good dis position who is naturally kin J, pa tient, cheerful, hopeful, and who has a fluvor of wit and fun iu his composi tion. The hardest thing to get along with in this life is a man's own 'self. A cross, selfish fellow, a timid, care burdened man ; these are all born de formed uu the inside. Their feet may not limp, but their thoughts do. A physician called to prescribo for a somewhat illiterate old lady, and as cod liver oil, in his opinion, was tlie reined v fo, her complaint, he wrote a prescription for the t othecary to put up, with the Latin f nln, "Die. Je". Ass.," being an abbre iutioii of Oleum Jecorit Asselli, or in plain English, cod liver oil. The medicine was pro cured, taken, and in a few weeks the lady completely recovered her health. A neighbor paid her a visit after her recovery, and, expressing surprise at her improved condition, inquired the secret of so rapid a restoration. "Why," said tho old lady, lifting both hands iu rte f'ul enthusiasm, "it was that beautiful medicine, the Oil of Jackass, that brought me ou my feet aguiu !" California's latest curiosity is a roos ter with two sets of legs, one on his back. When he is weary of sliindin in his naturul position, it is gravel asserted, he turns asomersault, and walks off upside down; and when he takes a drink ho immediately turns over, so as to swallovv it the more easily. But it is iu a free fight thut he shows to the greatest advantage ; for he is a tcr.ililo fighter, and wlieu thus divert ing himself looks tike a revolving wheel, turning somersaults incessciitly nud kicking in every direction. Princess Dora d'lstria is called the most learned wuiiiun in the world. She can speak fifteen languages with one hand tied behind her back, has written several novels iu single or dotiblo har ness, is nn honorary member of ten learned societies in the Key of G, aim can warble beuutitully ou the bass drum, and yet elm is not happy, though mirubile dicta she is quite good look The Maysviile, Ky., Bulletin says: "Our neighbors of the tobacco grouing region have madn good crops this sea son, and realized good prices for the same. The regular dealers have made large sums also. We are informed by a manufacturer that his profit in thirty days amounted to $18,000. We hear of other parties who huve been equally fortunate." "Do you publish niatrimoiiiul no tices for the patrons of your paper?'' said a gentlemanly looking youth, stepping iuto our cilice the otiicr morn ing. 'Certainly, sir." "Well, then, I'll go and get married ; for I don't si c any other way of getting my namo in tho paper, ioee you have rejected all inv pivtii"1! elj'nxion " . Kates of Advertising. . Ono Square-(1 Inch,) ono Insertion. ...fl 0 One Square " oho month 5 on One Square . "- tlire months... 6 00" Ono Square " oho year 10 00 Two Squares, one year ..........15 00 Quarter CoU " .30 00 Half " BO Ot) (,, " -- 100 00 Business Cards, not exceeding one inch, in length, tlO per year. - l.epal notices at established roUs. Thesp rates aro low, and no deviation tvlll Ito made, or discrimination anions I atrons. The rates ollercd are such, ss will make It to tho advantanoor men iloi ' business in the limits of the circulation i.f tne paper to advertise liberally. A second hand clothier publicly an nounces that he has "left oil clothing of every description." Ten poor men can sleep tranquilly on a mat; but two kings arc not able to live at peace in a quarter of the world. At a receot burglars' convention in Vermont, it was resolved that it was "expedient" to use chloroform on vic tims. What is the difference between a far mer and a botlle of whiskey? One husbands the corn, and the other corns the hushaul. A fool. in n high station- isJike a man on the top of a high mountain, every thing appears small to him, aud heap, pears small to everybody. A tailor has just invented a new fashioned coat; it has neither seam nor opening. . To get into it you huvo to' crawl out of your trowsers. A widow has remarked, that when a man loses his wife, it is his first duty, to cry over the loss then it becomes a habit, and at last a pleasure. Chicago is itself again. The first divorce since the fire has been record ed, and the parties' inline is Chuffed.'' The great fire didn't bum up that chaff, ch? A victim of Greeley's handwriting says: "If Horace hud written that iu scriptiou ou the wall iu Babylon, Belsluuzar would have' been a good ileal more scared than he was." An old edition of Morse's geography cays, "Albany has four hundred dwell ing houses, and two thousand four hundred inhabitants, all standing with their gable ends to tlie street." A friend, traveling in Florida, says of tho mosquitoes: Let a man go to sleep with bis head in a cast iron kettle, ami their lulls will make a wa tering pot of it before morning. A person being asked what a ghoet said to him, which he pretended to have seen, replied, "How ' should I know what he sa.d? I am not skilled , iu any of the dead languages." JoBh Billings sny that when you commence a courting expedition, it is the best way to court- the girl's mother' a little in the start, as she knews all' iibotit it, and will know what you are gnod for. : . . i An Irishman meeting another asked' him what had. become of Patrick O'Murphy. "Arrah, now, my dear honey," answered he, "Patty was con. deinned to be hanged, but he saved his life by dying in prison ! The Boston Post savs that a man ia Troy left a boarding house just because a rat hit off hi ear. When eople get to be thut particular about trifles, they ought to quit boarding and go to keep ing bonso. ' Victoria Woodhulf's parents nt nna time kept a tavern in tenyder county. Her motl er was a Kosauua Hummel,' who in 18:18 married a Yankee. Vic toria was born in Ohio. lie. last god- ' father was named Theodore- Tilton. A little while ago a Kansas young lady was throwu fr un a carriage, hud her collar bone broken, suffered the process of having it set uud reset seve ral times, and had the nerve to stand up and bo married a week after tho ac cident. ( They have some enterprising pub-' lishcrs up at Berlin, Wisconsin. ' One' day it was discovered that a shoe black had the itch; and in less than twenty minutes every citizen was duly wnru ed by uu extra, gratuitously distribut-' ed. A Chicago man gave hiswifi of two weeks' standing, $230 for dress, but upon si-e'lig her arrayed in the fan tan. tic fashion of the season ho war seiired' with ulurm, und at once commenced' "uit for divorce, ou the ground thut she was a social evil. Ten dollars is the largest fee given, to a Boston minister tor performing i ho marriage ceremony even ut tho uost "we.li" weddings. Nine times in en, after the honeymoon, the happy couple are unniiiuiously of the opinion, thut the prico is more than enough. Au ill-tempered Western father for cibly removed his daughter from a ireus because while there, she allowed t young lawyer to put his arm around ic'r neck and comb her golJeu locks .villi her fiugers. Could severity go' 'urtlicr? A young lady in Wyoming, Vn., vhosa aged parents were worth uquar er of a million before, the war, but vere left by it in adversity, bus sup-4 orted them for the last three viars by voi king iu tl fields by tho Jay, uud lias jo much pride withitl, that she will not accept a cent of charity. A mau recently attempted uic:de in Omaha bv washing his face. It didn't work satif.ietoiil y, and then he -twisted tho towel around hi neck and hung himself up to dry. That was likely to be more eucceHnful, but some nnsvmpatlietio bystander took liiia down. Now a day a bar tender is called 'rtfij nrtit""