, Philadelphia Advertisements. c. i ioricairr & mtos. Wholejulo DuilciA hi FISH, CllCCHC . . AND IT'i'ovir-tioiiH, 114 South Itolaware Avcnno, . : i . 4 Below Chestnut St.- PHILADELPHIA, 1A. Agents for Collins, GeuMcs & Co's Cnniiril Fruits. X041tl A. B. Cunningham. J. II. Lcwars. J. S.Glcim, Cunningham, Gleim & Co., Wholesale Dealers in Tobacco, Scgars, &c, NO. 4, NORTH FIFTH STREET, F1IIIAIKI'I'IIA. 32310 Peterson's Magazine. CHEAPEST AND BEST OF ALL I Splendid Offers for 1872. TUTS popular monthly Magazine gives more for the money than any In the wnild. It Is the ls-st colored fashions, the best original stories, and the ls-st engravings of any lady's hook. Great nnd costly Improvements w ill be made In lS72,whcn it will contain ONE THOUSAND PAGES! FOURTEEN SPLENDID STEEL l'LATES? TWELVE COLORED BERLIN PATTERNS! TWKLVK MAMMOTH COLORED FASHIONS? ONE THOUSAND WOOD CUTS! TWENTY-FOUR l'A(iKS OF MUSIC! All this will be given for only two dollars a year, or a dollar less than Magazinus of, the class of Petersons." Its THUILLINO TALKS AND NOVELETTES Are the liest published anywhere. All the most popular writers are employed to write originally for " Peterson." In 1 S72, the addition to its usual tunntltyof short stories, Five Original Copyright Novelettes will lie (riven, viz: Bought With a Price, by Ann S. Stephens; The Island of Dia monds, 1v Harry Danfortli ; Once too Often, by Frank Ie Benedict: Lindsay's Luck, by Miss 1. Hodgson ; and A Wife, by the author of The Sec ond Life. MAMMOTH COLORED FASHION l'LATES Ahead of all others. These plates are engraved on steel, twiee the usual size, and contain six Mg ures. They will lie siiiei'bly colored. Aim sever al pages of Household and other recipes; in short, everything Interesting to ladies. TEUMS A LWAYS 1 N A 1 1VANCE. One eoiv, for one year, S2. Ud ; Five copies, for one year, ss.ou; Eiglit copies, one year, (fliuu. SUPERB PREMIUM ENGRAVING ! Fvcry person (ri'lt lug nil a :luD of live at Sl.W) each, or elglit at llfsi each, will be entitled to an extra copy of the magazine for lK7i and also to a eopvof the superb parlor mezzotint (size 2t Inch es liy IS) "Five Times to One Day," which, at a store, would cost four dollars. ,SH'clnicns sent, gratis to those wishing to get up Clubs. Address, CHARLES J. PETERSON. No. aim Chestnut St., Philadelphia. rhotographs ! riiotosrnphs ! JACOB VOBL1S, Photographic Artist, NEWPORT, VENN' A. THE subscriber would respectfully call tho at tention of the citizens of this eouiitv to the fact that he Is prepared to take VHOTOURAl'llH in the best style of the art. Ills long experience enables liiin to produce riCTUUKS wmrii casnot he ex- VKI.LKD. All persons are requested to call at his rooms nnd examine specimens. Particular attention given to copying likenesses of deceased persons, and great care will bo taken to furnish . Good Pictures of Children. Framing material and a good assortment of frames always on hand, and for sale at low prices. JACOB COIiLE,Artlnt, Newport, Ferry Co., Pa Those Old Clothes Need 1 worn no longer, as the snbserlliers aro now prepared with a lull slock of Fall Casslmers from which they make clothing to order. II a gar mriit made by us docs not lit It, Can be Exchanged for One which will give entiro satisfaction. Full New Suits Made at short nolle, and In a superior manner. As we have the regular monthly Fashion Reports, those who desire can have lliclr garments Cut in the Latest Style! We ask all wanting Clothing to call and exam ine our assortment of goods suited for Mens' and uud Hoys' wear, ami see specimens of our work,, K. MORTIMER Si CO.. New Bloomllelil, I'. NOTU'KTOINVAi.ll PKNHIONKItS. Thousands of Soldiers who r now drawing Invalid Pensions are entitled to Increase. All Pen sioners who liellnve their Pensions loo small, can now have them increased by making uppucstiuu lo i.KWi I in ir-'t, Claim Agent, . New lllooDilleld, Pa. 6 .'17 6t A GREAT MEDICAL DISCOVERY Dr. WALKER'S CALIFORNIA ' VINEG-AR BITTERS 34 o 3 Hundreds of Thousands S jf j Dear testimony to thf lr Wonder. fulCurstlv KffocU. WHAT ARE THEY? II! l!5 iJ 6 E z i s THEY ARB KOT A VILE .11 FANCY DRINK, Made or Poor Rum, Whisker. Pronf (spirits uud licfiiso l.iquurs doctored, spiced and sweet mcd to plcDBOtlio taBto, cr.llcd"TonlcB,""Arpct:z crc," " ItcBtorcra," c, that lead tho tippler cn to drunkenness and rnin, ton urc-a trno Medicine, nicuo from tho Nntlvo ltoots end Herns of California, free from nil Alcoholic. Stimulants. Thcycio t:.o Git EAT lil.OOI) l'l!ltli'li:il nnd A LIFE C.1VINO PKINCI l'LB a perfect Innovator t:.d lnvlgorator cf t!ic feytuni, carrying otf all po.sar.o;..! matter und restoring tliu Lluod to n hcaltliycor.Cit:c.:. No person can tilio Micro Bitten according to t.;rec tlon and remain long unwell. , 6100 will bo given foran Incnrallo cane, rr.vICtd tho bones aro not destroyed by i:.l:icr:.l j - :.r:i or other means, and tho vital organs vtbUd i.Lc..dl'..o point of ronalr. ' For Inflninmittoi' nnd Chronic Kliccinn tinm nnd Uout. Dyspepsia, or lndiuestiou, llilioiiMi lceinitletit and Intermitiont Fovcru Discuses ot iho ltlood, Liver, Kidneys, and llladilcr, theEo ItiltciB liavo been most tnccctc fnl. Such Diseases aro canted ly Vitiated Blood, which ia generally produced by derangement of the Ditestlve Ol-ftauH. WVSFEl'S-IA 'l lXDKJESTfON, Head ache. Pain in tho Biioul, rrr,. Coughs, TlKlitucss of tho Chest, Dizziness, bour Kructatlor.s cf tho btoniach, Ilad teste in tho Mouth, Villous Attacks, Palpitation nf the Heart, Inflammation cf the Lungs, Pain il tl-.o rcglonB of tho Kidneys, and a hundred other polul eymptoms, are tlio oilbprlnnaof UyBpcpiic. Ttiey lnvigoratu tho Btoninch and tlimulata ti.o tor pid liver and bowels, which render them of unequalled cUlcacyln clcaneln;c tho blued of all impurities, and Imparting now Lfo and vlor to tho vliolo system. FOIlHIilN DISEA8KS, Eruptions, Totter, Enlt llheam, Ulotthes, I .'puts, Pluiplcs, Pustules, Bolls, Car banclcs, illng-Woimr;, Cci'lu-llcnd, Coro Eyes, Erysip elas, Itch, Scurfs, Decolorations of thoBUlu, Humors and Diseases of tho bUlu, of whatever uauio or naturo, aro literally tl'ig up and carried out of tho system In a short time by the '190 of these Utters. Ono bottlo in each cases will convince tho most incredulous ci their curative effect. Clcanso tho Vitiutcd Blood rhcncvcr you find Its Impurities liurr.ti:ig t!ircn;;li tho a!:In In I'ltnplcs, Erup tions or Pores ; cleanse It when yon nnd it obstructed and tlusfclr.li ia tiiu veins ; clcnmio it when it Is foul, and your feel!'.!: will tell you when. Kcop tlio blood puro and the lu <h cf tlio ryateiu will follow. PIN, TAPE and other W'OICMS, lurl;in(t In tl'.o cystcm cf so many tiiouj'a:id:i, aro utTctually destroy ed and renicvtd. I'or r..!l dlrcetlcnn, read carefully tbo circular nrouud each but:le, printed in four Ian guagcsEhgliHh.Oeruir.a, i' n.beh ;u.d bpunisll. J.WALKER, l'loprliter. P.. 11. McDOSALD i CO., DrugRlsu and tlen. Auetits. ban Francisco, Cel., and Wand 81 Couumuco btreet, licwtoi-. CVBOLD BY ALL DKUCCilUTS AND D:;.EI.3. 1780 TAKE NOTICE. 1871 Are You Afflicted or Sick ? PAIIRNEY'S BLOOD CLEANSER OH V A N A C 1Z A. ! N Alterative nnd Cathartic, or Tonic nnd Purge, for discuses arising from bad blood. This nrcnuratlon was established In 1870,and lins been prcpnred In limtkl form for more than lBVears. in January or reuruary, icu, uuom- cr party commenced to prepare a similar article which Is inferior to the genuine, and which should not bo mistaken for ours. Ask for "Ult. Fahiiney'8 Blood Cleanser or Panacea," nnd accent no others. Tho Trade Mark ol the ouicsi ana. genuine, Is minted In nreen on a yellow wrapper, hav ing also the signature of P. Fabrney, M.D., Chicago. ' Dr. r. FahmeyU Health MciMnqer" gives the history and ubcs of the Blood Cleanser, testimonials, nnd other information, sent free charge. Address l)n. P. Faiiunev's Brothers A Co., Wavnesboro. Franklin County, Pa. Ask for Dr. Fahrney's Blood Cleanser und CI,EANSK VOUll 1ILOOU. 8old everywhere and In New Bloomflcld by F. MoitTiMF.it Co., only. 0 18 The I'oiiiiNylvniiia Cattle Insurance Company. Capital and Assets, $150,000. Iiicoriioraiil hy thn Court of Common Pleas of Schuylkill Co., Kov. 27, 'CO. Incorporated by Legislature May 10,1871. TT has now full power to Insure Buildings, 1 Merchandise and nil muds of Property against rire, Btorms or 'tempests. aiso, to Insure Horses uud Cattlo against Dentil or Thett. The rates on Loan or Preferred Policies are a littlo higher than any other company doing business in the county ; but this cluss of policy holders can borrow money any time me Company can spare it out of its suplus assets, and tlie money will bo loaned in rotation, so that the first persons procuring loun policies can be the first to borrow money if they need it. Only 81X lKlt (,'KST, INTKIlJiKT will be charged for money, and loans will be made at all places that good agencies cun be established, so that tho Company will be a Homo Company wherever It docs business. The Company will also take risks on the common cash and mutual plans as cheap as other reliable companies. Tho Directors meet regularly on the second Mouday ol every month. JOHN D. HADESTT, President. JAMES II. GK1ER, Secretary. OfTlce, 308 Centre St., Pottsville, Pa. 5 29 I ll.T.KIHlMnl Pr ntlnr'Tieatlv PRINTINCI executed ut the "IlliXKiMI'lliLO ( Timks" Steam JokOrriiK. ill ' Hi?.? 111 A GREAT OFFER! . v ONLY ri FOR 111 IN VALUE ! OB. FOR M. IIS IN VALVE. 01UJ5, 120IN VALUE I THE beautiful and artistic Chromo, "Isn't Blie Pretty?" lil ultly finished, mounted, ami varn ished, size, 13x17 (nfter Llllle M. Silencer.) retail price, ts, will bo sent l)y mail, securely done up, post-free, as a premium to every 13 yearly subscii ber to DEMOliEST'H MONTHLY, acknowledged Hip mint lii-inl I f nl and imeful Parlor Magazine In Amclicn sn't She Pretty?" is a iieauiiiuiunrn- mo und Splendid l'arlor Picture, and a valuable work of art, worth morn than Double tho Cost of Subscription, and, together with DEMOltKST'rl MONTHLY alfords nn opportunity for tho Invest mentof 111 such as may never occur again i or, In place or "ism nnc j renyT'' lor si aooiuouai, Hiawatha's Wooing," (after Jerome Thompson), size, lfx2fi. price, IIS, will be sent post-free ; or ijotucnromos aim in'iiioresi s i,iuoi,iuy, 101 ,,n year, for-.r. Hiawatha's Wooing is nn ciiually splendid work of art, a large and beautiful Chro me, aim worm lour nines nio innr unuiu,cu. Husbands. Fathers, and Lovers, do not fail tosub- scrlhe for Deniorest's Magazine, and present It with a beautiful Chromo. It will mane eyes spars lo with delight nnd satisfaction, and prove a monthly reminder of your good taste and kind feeling. Address W. .Ibnnisos Demouust, Kt8 llroaduav. New York. Con es of the latest num bers of tho Magazine 25 cents each, post-free. 4S HARDWARE! HARDWARE! rpiIE subscribers hnvs on hand at all times, I as complete) nn assortment of Hardware as can be found In tho county. NAILS, HINGES, LOCKS, . GLASS, TAINTS & OILS, and a fine assortment of all styles of Bu ilders Ha rd ware, Also, CAllPENTER TOOLS, TABLE CUTLERY, COFFEE MILLS, SPOONS, SHOVELS, HOES, and a full stock of Hardware of Every Description, All of which will be sold at tho lowest market prices. Persons wanting any nrticlo in this line are requested to call and cxainiucour stock. F. MORTIMER & CO., New Cloomi-ield, Pa. English Roofing Felt Is found to stand well In all climates, being ex tensively used for Hooting Houses, Out-Hulld-ings and Sheds; for Laying Flat Hoofs, Gutters, Lining Granaries, eUorchouscs, or Walls, (cither outside or inside), and for placiug un der Slates or Tiles. It is also a cheap and ell'cctivo Celling on tlio underneutli side of raf ters of a Blutcd or Tiled Hoof, nnd as a Celling to Iron Roofs, counteracting Heat, Frott, and Condensation oi Moisture. Tho English Felt Is put up In rolls of BS yards In length, by 8'J Inches In width, and containing a surfaeo of !2(X) siiiaro feet. T1IKEE-PLY FELT FOR ROOFING. In Rolls. 2fi Inches wide, by 60 feet In length; each roll will cover a surfneo 10 feet square, or 100 square le.et. It Is to be laid across the rooi, suingio iasu Ion, with a lap of two Inches, and secured by nailing tho edges witli 3d nulls nnd tin caps. When luld, the Felt is to be painted witn Mastic Roof Coating, and Sanded. Tho Mas tic Roof Coating is mixed, ready for use, and is applied with a brush. TARRED ROOFING FELT. Used extensively for Sheathing Houses, niM for Tar and Gravel Roofing, also for placiug under Blnto. Tin nnd Shingle Hooting. It Is used lu packing Woolens and Furs to protect them Irom mollis. rut un in rons wci''iiing iu pounus cacn. 15 pounds Felt will cover a surface of 100 square feet. TWO-PLY FELT, For Sheathing Houses, Roofing Temporary Buildings, making Water, Tight Floors, uud for placing under Blnto ana Biungies. In rolls. 20 Inches wide by 50 feet In length, Eneh roll will cover a surface oi 10 iccisquaro or 100 square feet. For Sheathing It can be nailed upon the stud ding, making a perfectly air tight sheathing, and sure protection from dumbness. Ruts, mice, or vermin will not go near it. MICA CANVAS ROOFING, In rolls containing 250 squnre feet. Is to be laid across the roof, and lapped shingle, fash ion with a lup of two Inches, and secured by nailing tho edges with 20 oz. tacks. 1 his is tuo only composition iioonng mat docs not require u ilulshlug coat of paint or cement. L'NTARRED SHEATHING FELT, For Curtiet Lining, Deadening Floors, and for putting under Slate, Tin und Shlnglo Roolliig. Put up in rolls weighing iuu pounds. 10 pounds Felt will cover a surface 10 feet square, or 100 square feet. MANUFACTURED BY THE PENN ROOFING CO 105 South 2ud Street, 5 33 2a PHILADKII'IIIA, Pensions, Bounties, &c. TTlDOWS. Minor Children, Mothers, Fathers. W' .c.,of Soldiers who were killed or died of disease coiuracicu in mw nervu-e in vim uuucu States, call now make application for Pension. Also Soldiers wlio conlniotcd disease or were wsuiided. ruptured, or lu uuy way disabled in the war oi istii. ., When widows die or re-marry, the child or children under sixteen years of ago are entitled to Th'etl'n'e for tiling claims for additional bounty has been extended six mouths. Particular attention given toold suspended ease In thedilloient departments at Washlngl I). 0 If you have, or think you have a claim against the Government, call on or address the undersigned. No charge for information. , IKWW POTTF.lt, Attorney for Claimants, 4 31 NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA NEW YORK CONTINENTAL Life Insurance Company, OF NEW YORK, STllICTf. 1' M VTVA Jj I AnncIh, H-1 ,f K,) ! ISSUES all the new forms of Policies, and pre seats as favorable terms as any company In Hie United States. The Company will make temporary loans oh its Policies. Thirty days' grace allowed on each payment, and the (Hilicy held good dining that time. Policies issued by this Company are non-forfeiture. No extra charges are made for traveling permits. Policy-holders share in the annual prollts of the Company, and have a voice In tho elections and management of theC mnpany. No H)llcy or medical feecharged. .IirsTL'S Law iiknck. Pres't. M. It. Wynkuo!', Vice Pres't. J. l'.ltouEits, Bec'y. J. F. EATON. (Jeneral Agent, No. (! North Third Street. 4.2!) yl) College Illock, Hanisburg, Pa. rROSPECTUS FOR 1873. FIFTH YEAR. A Rcpi'osciiliitivp nnd Champion of Amer ican Ait. THE ALDINE: An Illustrated Monthly Journal claimed to bo the handsomest Paper lu the World. "Olve inv love to the artist workmen of 77W AI.DINK wliiiam striving to make their profes sion worthy of admiration for beauty, as it bus al ways been for usefulness." llenru 11 ura jieeciivr. NEW FEATURES FOR 18T2. ART I) KI'All'PM KNT. As n L.onraiitce of the excellence of this depart- meiit.the publishers would beg to announce dur ing the coming year, specimens from the following eminent American artists: W. T. ltlchards, Granville l'ei Kins. .las. ninuny, Win. Hart, F. O. C. D.uiey, K. E. Pignut, Win. Heard. Victor Nehllg. Frank lleani, licit Miiuey, Win. II . Wilcox. 1'aui jjixuii, Aug. vt in, Junius 11. Beard and J. Hows. These pictures are being reproduced regardless of expense, by the verv best engravers lu the country, und will bear the severest critical coin paiison Willi the best foreign work, It Ising the determination of the publishers that THE Al III NK snail no a suceessiui vindication 01 jioici Ican taste In competition with any existing publi cation in the wurld. LITERARY DEPARTMENT. Where so much attention Is Paid to Illustration and get up of the work, too much dependence oil a liiK'nrancen mav very naturally lie, feared. To an ticipate such misgivings, it is only necessary to siaie, inai, iiie euuonai inaimiiiunb ci inc. ALDINE has been Intrusted to Mr. Klclianl II sioililaiil. who has received assurances of assist mice from n host of the most popular writers and poets oi tlie country. THE VOLUME FOli IST'J will contain nearly 300 pages, and !K0 linn engrav ings. Commencing with the number for January, every third number will contain a beautiful tinted plcnireon piaie paior, inscncu as a uoniiiici.. Tlie Christmas number of WZ, will bu a splendid volume In Itself, containing fifty engravings, (four III tint) and. although retailed at 81, will bu sent without extra charge to all yearly subscribers. A CHROMO TO EVERY SUBSCRIBER was a very popular feature last year, and will be repeated Willi the pruscut volume. The publish ers have purchased and reproduced, at great ex pense, the lieautlfiil oil painting by Suis, entitled ''Daine Nature's School." The chromo is llxlli Inches, and Is nn exact fac simile, in size and ap pearance, of the original picture. TERMS FOR 1872. One Copy, one year, with Oil Chromo, VM Five Copies " " Wl.Ou Any person sending 10 names and f40 will receive an extra copy gratis, making 11 copies for tlie money. , , Any ierson wishing to work for apreniiim, can have our premium circular on application. We give many beaut iful and desirable articles olfered by no oilier paier. Any iH'rson wishing to act, permanently, as our agent, will apply, with, rej'trenre, enclosing SI for ""1U JAMES SUTTON & CO., l'l IIII. ISII KltS. 23 Liberty Street, New York. BLAIN ACADEMY! THE FALL SESSION of this Institution will oK'ii on Wednesday, November 21st, 1871. SUMMER SESSION of Five Months closes on October 2uth, 1H71. Whole number of Pupils In attendant' o during Ten W Average Attendance, 5C Thankful for the patronage of the people, grate fill for all favors, ami hoping that age may im prove the school both in prestige and usefulness, we promise to exert all our eilorls to secure the advancement, intelligence, nnd general Interests of the pupils entrusted to our charge. GAUD. C. PALM, Principal. W. L. llKicKl.KT, Assistant. W. It. Cisna. M. D..of Ickesburg. lias been en. faged for this Institution as l,ccturcron Anatomy, hyslology, te. His lclures during tlie session now closing, were Interesting ami instructive, ami , ' seemed lo lie. appreciated by the Students and well I received by llio iieopio. i-" A' SIM.KSDITl HMOllTMUNrn hlM.KNDlU iVwHOHTMKN X 13 ItY-iJOODC. Suited to the Season, Are Now Offered for Sale by F. MOETIMSBjJb CO. Hlago Line Ifc-tween Newport aiid New Uermaniown. CJTAGKH leave New Germaiitown dally at font j o clock a. III. l.annisuiirgai i. no a. in. urecu rk ut s a. iii. New llloointleld at UU a. in. Arriving ut Newport to connect with tho Ac mi,wul:Ltloii train East. Ret iirnliig leaves Newport on the arrival Of the Mall I rani Horn i-uiiaueiiinia, ni z.au u. in. I. KICK, rroprktor, nunoEou tW An amusing instance of Hibernian simplicity is given in tlio following littlo story told us by a friend, in whoso words wo givo it: Molly, our housemaid, ia a model one, who takes tho broomstick like) a sceptre, nnd who lias an abhorrence of dirt and , a sympathy for soapsuds that amounts to a passion. She is a blustering, rosy-chcok-cd, bright-eyed, blundering Hibernian, who hovers about our book-shelves, making war upon our law papers, in tho shape of mi rightcd corners. One day she entered our library in a con fused and uncertain manner quito difl'erent from lior usual bustling way. She stood at tho door with a letter between her thumb nnd finger, which sho bold ont at arm's length, as if bIio bad a gunpowder plot in her grasp. In answer to our inquiries as to her business, she said : " An' it plazo your honor, I'm a poor girl as hasn't much larnin,' an' yo sees, plazo yes honor, Paddy O'Reilcy (an' tho better than him doesn't brathe in ould Ire land) lias been writin' me a letter a love letter, plazo yer honor, an' an' " Wo guessed her embarrassment, and ventured to relievo it by offering to read it for her. Still sho hesitated, whilo she twisted a bit of raw cotton between her fingers. "Sure," sho resumed, "an' that's list what I want; but it isn't a gentleman like yourself that would bo liking to know tbo secrets between us, an' so" hero she twin ed tho cotton quito nervously "if it will only plazo yer boner, whilo yer reading it, so that yo may not hear it yerself, yo'H ,jist put this bit of cotton in yer cars an' stop up yer hearin,', an' then our secrets will lie unknown to yo." Wo bnrln't the heart to refuso her, and with tho gravest faco possible, complied with her request; but often sinco wo have laughed as we related tho incident. EST" A Chicago lover went visit his girl ono evening recently, but for some reason, probably that tho lire had materially chang ed his condition in life, she received and ' treated him coolly. Ho remained standing in tho parlor for a few moments, but finally mado a movement toward the door, remark ing that "bo guessed he'd go." "Oh !" said she, starting from a beautiful condition of semi-unconciousness, "won't you take a chair?'' " Well, I don't caro if I do," was bis re ply ; and ho took tho chair, thanking her kindly, and carried it home. Ho says it is a good chair, mado of walnut, with stuffing, and green cover just what be wanted. Rut bo is down on tbo girl and declares ho wouldn't marry her not if bcr father owned a broweiy. EST" Not long since there worked in Washington a printer named North, who would occasionally drink too much. Ono evening, after having struggled with too many driuks,a friend advised him to go over to the prayer-meeting in tho Y. M. C. A. building, and ask some of tho members to pray for him. Tbo suggestions struck him 1'avorably, and ho proceeded to act upon it, but accidentally wandered into the gymna sium. " They told mo to come over hero to a prayer-meeting, but this looks terribly liko a circus, but may bo it's only the way I'm looking atjit, ain't hie much used to it, and I s'poso it '11 all como round right pretty soon !" tS" A countryman visited a Boston ho tel, and wrote after his luuno, "P. O. P. S. F. C. Hero was a titlo which none but, himself understood. "Pray, my dear sir," asked tho clerk, "what do all theso letters stand for?" ' ' Stand for ? Why, that's my title ;' ' " Yes, sir, but what is yout title ?" "'Why, sir, Professor of Psalmody and Schoolmaster from Connecticut." tl?""What are you about, my dear?" said a grandmother to a little boy, who was idling about tho room and casting furtivo glances at a gentleman who was paying a visit. " I am trying, to steal papa's bat out of tho room without letting tho gcntlc- soo it, for papa wants him to think bo is out." t2f"A minister mndo un interminable call upon a lady of his acquaintance. I let Hale daughter, who was present, grow very weary of Ids conversation, and at last whispered in an audible key, " didn't ho bring his timcu with him, mamma." "John," said a cockney lawyer to his son, " I see you will never do for an at torney you have no honergy." "Excuse mu, father," said John, "what I want is soiiio of your chickonary. 1' A St. Louis lawyer attempted to try a case tho other day when half drunk, but tho judge stopped him, Baying : "No lawyer can serve two bars at the same time. IT" Tho best 'Bus Kissing a pretty girl. Bi-Bt Ro-bus Kissing her a second timo. A terrible Bluiidorbuss Kissing tho wrong girl. 3T Ono of the Oskosh ministers when lio marrlosa couple, finishes by saying; " Buffer little children to come unto them, amen."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers