®|)c 3.mcricnu llolnntccv. 1-IMIMrtIIKD EVERY THURSDAY MORNING* lIY EHtA/ETONT & ICISN’N'ICIDY. orFICE-KOUTII 3IAUKET MdVAItE. Tkums:—Two Dollars per year if paid sirletly in advance; Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid within three months; after which Three Dollars will bo charged. These lerhis will bo rigidly ad hered to In every Instance. No subscription dis continued until all arrearages arc paid, unless at he option of the Editor. professional (Sams. TAMES A. DUNBAR, ATCOIINBY AT pj Daw, Carlisle, Penna. Olllco a feu doois west of Hannon's Hotel. Dec. 1,18115. XOHN LEE, Attorney at Lav pj North Hanover Street, Carlisle, Pa., t eb. 15,188(1 ly. ITT KENNEDY Attorney at Law, W (’urliale Penna. Olllco same as that of t ho “American Volunteer, "Houth aide of the 1 ub- Ilc Square. pec. 1. 188 Me. HERMAN, Attorney AT Law. , Otllco In Rhccm’s Hall llullding, 1“ the rear of the Court House, next door to the iiei nld M Ofllco, Carlisle, Penna. Deo. 1,18(15. TTI E. 3ELTZHOOVER, Attorney |j , and CoussELOtt at Law, Carlisle, lenna. Gilleo on South Hanover street, opposite Rent/, s Rim e. Uy special arrangement with the 1 atom Olllce, attends to seeuring Patent Rights. Dec. 1,1885. J. sr. WKAKI.IIV. W. I*. SAUT-KK. & SADLER, A TTOBSBYS A T LAW, NO. in SOUTH HANOVER ST. CAunisnic, Plnn’a. Dec. Hi, 1R137. —ly JOHN R. MIBLER, Attorney at Ij.vw. Cilice In Hannon's Building, opposite Ilia Court. House, C<trli.\lc t -Pd. Nov. IJ, 18U7. Adam keller, attorney at IiAW, Carlisle. Olllco with W. M. Penrose, ESii., Ilheem’s Hall. October 3. ISo7—Gm* IJNXTED STATES CLAIM AND REAL ESTATE AGENCY! WM. B . BU T LEE, ATTOUNIiV AT DAW’, Ofllcc lu 2d Story of InholTs Building, No. 3 South Hanover Street, Carlisle, Cumberland counij, Pensions, Bounties, Bade Pay, &c., promptly Applications by mall, will receive Immediate attention gtuen to the selling or rent- In-' of Real Estate, In town or country. In all let lyivj of Inquiry, jjlouso enclose postage stamp. July 11,18 H / IHAH. E. MAOLAUGHLIN, Attoh tv nhv AT LAW. Ulliou In Iluliaing formerly ticcupled by Volunteer, a few doors .South of Han non's Hotel. Dec. 1, ISGo. roHN. C. GHAHAM, Attorney at J r.AW. Olllco formerly occupied by Judge tjrahum,.South Hanover street. Carlisle, Peimu. Doc. 1, IStio —ly. . DR. GEORGE S. SEARIGHT, Dun nsr From the Baltimore Coltcr/e of Dental .«•!/. Olllco at the residence of bis nndhei, Past linuther Street, three doors below Iledloul, i ‘arlisht, Ponua. Dec. 1,18(15. DR. J. R. BIXIVER offers bid profes- Hlonal services to thccillr.cnsof Carlisle ami 'olllco 1 on Slain street, opposite the jail, in the room lately occupied by E. Todd, Esq. April 11,18U7— ly gitoucs, dintoarc, &c. J-' AM K S M'GOXId A Ij , ■M.VNUrAtTI'mCU AND DKAI-KIl IN STOVKS TIN AND WAUK, .Smith IliinuvrrSt., AiljoinhujJitair & Xuh's (Jrocory. CARLISLE The subscriber tlmnkful fir past lii\ ou . r . - sped fully Informs his friumls and the i ,l ‘ b ;| e ' Lfiiil he bus now uu band a largo supply of the latest and best improved COOK «"” 2 . AItLOI . srOVJ iS , „ , „„„ JIEA TURK find JtA IS GF.S. In the Stove Department we desire to cull par ticular attention to the following, comprising as tbu.\ «to, thu vofj- Clonk nml Parlor Stoves now in use • NIMUUD, QUAKER CITY. EXCELSIOR. I’ENN, NOLLE COOK, ■ N HUBIiUBIIAN.VA IUU\ IIIONSIDISS. To speak at leimtli of the tllirercyit Btoy.ja wt.uul occupy too much space, but we deem It. nctissa ry to cull the attention ut the public to Hie empire GAS BURNER- Tl.ls truly womlcrful I’urlor and Cilice Stove Is so constructed tbiit the cheapest duality ol (•nut (Ltmebumur’K), cun bo used with success.— It burns coutluuou.sly and the lire is easily Kin dled. It is capable of heatup one room below mid two rooms above. There is no dust and no esrine of gas, and an actual saving ul coal, which In two ur Utreu Kelsons will pay fur Uio aluve, The Empire has many valuable (juallUes winch can only’ be fully appreciated by seeing it in op eration: SVc claim that Uis fur superior to any other Stove now in use, and we feel satislied that we can convince all who will favor us wlUi an examination ol the Stove at our shop ol this part. We have on hand a full assortment ol TXNW A R E . Repairing promptly attended to. Hoofing done at the Shortest notice. Spouting Will bo put up ** l pjYs o* .5 l’v t•ii ’ ’ ’ 111 V No. Vll.^WuuUi’lliinover suvoi, mijuiiii.iy uioir's Sept. 111, ISGT —dm rail-IE CARLISLE COOK STOVE, fl manufactured at F. GARDNER It Co’a. Poumlrv and Machine Shop, Carlisle, ciox't be beat. This is the testimony of scores of families lu Cum berland, Berry and Adams Counties, who are now using them. Call and see them. COHN SIIELLERS, miming cither by power or by on hand and for sale at 1 1 . GARDNER i CO S. Foundry and Machine Shop, East Main bueet. STEAM BOILER MAKING. Wo are prepared to make Steam Boilers of all si zes and kinds promptly and on the best terms.— Also. SMOKE STACKS and all articles in that line, • REPAIRING 0E BOILERS tuul ENGINES promptly fiLlcndcd to iu tho bust miumcv i\t F. GARDNER & CO’S. Foundry and Machine Shop, Carlisle, I’a, Feb. 7.1807. MILLER & BOWERS, SUCCKsBOKS TO LEWIS F. LVNE, North Hanover Hired, Carlisle, Pa Dealers iu American, English and Gorman • HARDWARE, (Jutlery, Saddlery. Coach Trimmings, Shoe Findings, Morocco and Lining Skins, Lasts, 800 l Trees and Shoemaker Toi of every description. Solid and Brass Box Ices, Bellows Files, Hasps, Horae Shoes, Horse Shoe Nulls. Bar and UollcdTron of all sizes. HAMKS AND TRACES. Carriage Springs, Axles, Spokes, Follows, Hubs, Ac., Ac. Saws of every variety, Carpenters 1 ools and Building Material, Table and Pocket Culleiy, Plated Forks and Spoons, with un extensive as sortment of Hardware of ail kinds and of the best manufacture, which ■will be sold wholesale or re tail at the lowest prices. Wc arc making great improvements In our already heavy stock ol goods, ami Invito all persons iu want of Hard ware of every description to give us a call and wc are coutldent you will bo well paid for your.trou- that by strict attention to business and a disposition to please all we will bo able to maintain the reputation of the old stand. MILLER A BOWERS. Dec. 1,1805. piPEB'S BOOK AND FANCY STORE, AND GENERAL NEWS DEPOT 33 "WEST MAIN STREET, CAia.ism:, pa. • A lino assortment of Goods on hand, such as Writing Desks, Port Folios, Ladies Companions, Work Boxes. Satchels, . Ladles’ Purses, Pocket Books, Scgav Cases, Card Cases, Gold Pens, Pen Knives, Ac., Ac. A LARGE SUPPLY OF FAMILY J3IRL.ES timl PIIOTOOK APHIC AI.IiUMS AT REDUCED PRICES. DIARIES FOR 1867._ Subscriptions received for all Magazines, LusU lon Rooks, Papers, Ac., at publishers prices. You "save postage and always sure of receiving your Magazines bj* subscribing at Pipku’h. Special attention is paid to keeping always on hand a supply of SCHOOL BOOKS, for town ami country Bdhools, books ana Music ordered when desired, BY BRATTON & KENNEDY. jUclucal. HOOFLABD’S (iEEMAiI BITTERS, oofland’s German Tonic, Prepared by Dr. C. M. Jackson, PIIILADEM’II lA, PA. The Groat Rembdios for all Diseases LIVER, STOMACH, OR DIGESTIVE ORGANS. Hoofland’s German Bitters la composed of the pure jnlcc-a (or, ns they are nu-ilicl* rally termed. Ex j- -j ■ . trade) of RoutP, Hcrliennd IJarks, TMIT----*ia ni!lkin ‘' r a piepara* tlon, highly conccn 1 1* *r ,J jSf3 trated, mid entirely free from Mcoholio Hb* ttdaia admixture 0/ any kind. HOOFLAND’S GERMAN TONIC, la a combination of all the ingredients of the BUtcr*, with the purest quality ol Santa Crut Hum, Orange, etc., making one of the most pleasant ami agreeable remedies over ollorcd to the public. Those preferring a Medicine free from Alcoholic ad* mixture, will übo Hoofland’s German Bitters, In cases of nervous depression, when some alcoholic Stimulus la necessary, HOOFLAND’S GERMAN TONIC should bn used. The Bitters or the Tonic are both equally good, and ontoin tho same medicinal virtues. The stomach, from a variety of causes, nucli ns indi gestion, Dyspepsia, Ncrvons * Debility, etc.. Is very apt to have Us functions deranged. Tno result of which is, that tho patient suffers from several or more of the following diseases: Constipation, Flatulence, Inward Piles, Fulness of Blood to tho Head, Acidity of tho Stomach, Nausea, Heart hum, Disgust for'Food, Fulness or Weight in tho Stomach, Sour Eructations, Sink ing or Fluttering at tho .Pit of tho Stomach, Swimming of the Head, Hurried or Difficult Breathing, Fluttering at tho Heart, Choking or Suffocating Sensations when in a Lying Posture, Dimness ol* Vision, Dots or Webs before tho Sight, Dull Pain in the Head, Defi ciency of Perspiration, Yel lowness of tho Skin and Eyes, ---77—' Pain in tho Side, Back,Chest, Limbs, etc., Sudden Flushes of Heat, Burning; in the Flesh, Constant Imaginings of Evil, and Great Depression of Spirits. These remedies will cllbctunlly euro Liver Complaint, Jaundice, Dyspepsia, Chronic or KeryyUH Debility. Chronic. Diarrha-a, Disease* of the kidneys, and all Diseases arising from a Db-ordcred Liver, Stomach, or Intestines. I>IGI3IXsIXY, Rfiaulting from any Oauso whatever; TofclON OF THE SYSTEM, induced by Sovoro Lahor, ±in.rd ships, Exposure, Fevers, etc. There is no medicine extant equal to these remedies In such cases. A tone and vigor Is Imparted to tho whole System, tho Appotftn Is Strength ened, food is enjoyed. ‘TKtfji a tho fitomnch digests promptly, thu blood JK? la purlllcd, tho com plexion b 0 c 0 m 0 & telhAa sound and healthy, the yellow tlngo Is eradicated from the eyes, a bloom is given to the cheeks, and the weak and nervous in valid becomes a strong and hcalthy^bcing. Persons Advanced in Life t And feeling lh» band of time weighing heavily upon thorn, with all its attendant ills, will find In the use of tills BITTERS, or tho TONIC, an elixir that will Instil now life Inio their veins, restore In a measure the energy and ardor of more youthful days, build up their shrunken forms, and give health ana happiness to their remaining years. NOTICE. It Is n well-established fact that fully one-half of the female portion of our , population are sel dom inthocifinymcnt of good health; or. to use thelr'own wc |tj « predion,“neverfeel well." They arc lan fr-iTfesraj guld, devoid of all energy, extremely nervous, and have no appetite. To this class of persons the BITTERS, or tho TONIC, Is especially recommended. WEAK AND DELICATE CHILDREN Arc made strong by the use of eithcrof these remedies. They will cure every case of MARASMUS, without Thousands of certificates have accumulated in the hands of the proprietor, but space will allow of the publication of but a few. Those, It will bo observed are men of note and of such standing that they musi he bellowed. TESTIMONIALS. Hon. Geo. W. Woodward. Chief Justice cfthl Supreme Court of Pa., writes Philadelphia, March 10,1807. “Ifind‘HooDand’s /S =a German Bitters’ b a good tonic, useful /£|k In diseases of tin digestive organs, and of great benefit li cases of debility, and W* want of nervous ac Uon in tho system. Yours truly, GEO. W. WOODWARD." Hon. James Thompson. Judge of ihe Supreme Court of Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, April 28,1600. “I consider ‘Hoofland’s Gorman Bitters ’a valuable medicine in casts of attacks of Indigestion or Dyspepsia. I can certify this from my experience of it. Yours, with respect, JAMEB THOMPSON." From Fev. Joseph H. Kennard, D. D. Fatter of the Tenth Baptist Church, Philadelphia. 2>r. JaeJiton —Dear Sir: I liuvo been frequently re quested to connect my name with recommendations of dlOerent kinds of medicines, butregayding the prac tice as out of ray ap r== proprialo sphere, 1 have In all cases do (| cllncd; but with a clear proof in vari oua Instances and particularly in my M own, family, of tho usefulness of Dr. llooflund’s German Bitters, I depart for onco from my usual course, to express my full conviction that, /or general debility of the system, anti especially for Liver Complaint , t< \s a safe and valuable ln some cases it may full; hut usually, I doubt not,' It will bo very beneficial to those who sufler from tho above causes. Yours, very respectfully, J. H. KENNARD, Eighth, below Coates St. From Rev. E. D. Fendall, Jttitlanl Editor Christian Chronicle, Philadelphia. I liavo derived decided benefit from tlio übo of IXoof land's Gorman Bitters, and feel It my privilege to re commend tlicm as a most valuable tonic, to all wuoaro Buffering from general debility or from diseases arising from derangement of the liver. -Yours truly, E. D. FENDALL. CAUTION. Hooflaud’s German Remedies arc.counterfeited. 800 that the signature of . °; ♦,?« Is on the wrapper L |Efl bottle. All others ore coun tei t e,t ', r Prinrlnfll Ofllco uov' and .ManQinctory «t diolno Htnro, No. ARCH SlrceC Philadelphia, OHABLEB M. EVANS, German Dnigctot, Proprietor, Formerly O. M. jaokbon &. Co. Tor sole by' all Druggist* and Dealers la Medlciaci. PRICES. HooDand’s Berman Blllcre, per bottle J 1 OO it u i‘ half dozen 600 Hoofland’fl Genuan Tonic, put up lu quart bottles, 1 80 per "bottle, or n half dozen for. 7 60 ■■RST Do not forget to examine tvell tlio article yon Troy, in order to got tie genuine. Jau. 0, 18G3.-ly oNihV x IjTttijK (<ii»vi: It's only a little glove, So ragged, and old, and Worn— You scarce would stoop In your dally path To look at the thing forlorn ; You never would think by those lingers small A heart could bo rent and torn. It’s only a tiny thing, This treasure I hoard and keep ; lint many a vision of Joy It brings, And sometimes it makes mo weep, And I dream a dream of a falv-hulr’d boy Under the llowcrs asleep. It’s only a little glove, Yet dearer Is It to me, l*or the restless foot that pattered and beat Their music upon my knees— nearer for sorrow, and care and pain Than the riches of land or sea. It's only a tiny thing, Hut I love it Willi deepest love A golden link in that chain that hinds My soul to the world above ; And know I am nearer to heaven each lime I bow o'er that tiny glove. HISSINii HER HAUL iiv ciiAur.i-.-i Ai.riKUNos- swrsruTusi Kissing her hair, I sat against her foot; Wove and unwove it—wound, and found It sweet; Miulo fast therewith her hands, drew down her eyes, Deep as deep Lowers, and dreamy like dim skies; With her own trcssosbomul.aud found her fair— Kissing her hair. Sleep was no sweeter than her lace to me Sloop of cold sea-bloom under the cold soiv; What pain could got between my face and hers? What new sweet thing would Love nut relish worse ? Unless, perhaps, while death hud kissed mo there— Kissed her hair. A 15IJT IBS* Tiff E Chorus, A KTOUY rou MABUIHD FOLKS. Andrew Leo came home from his shop where lie hud worked nil day, tired and out of spirits ; came home to his wile, who was also tired and out ol spirits. “ A smiling wife and a cheerful homo —a paradise it would lie!” said Andrew to himself, as lie turned his eyes from tho clouded face of Mrs. Bee, and sat down with knitted brows and moody aspect. Not a word was spoken by either. Mrs. Bee was getting supper, and she moved about with a weary step. “Come,” she said at last, with a side glance at her hus band. ’ Andrew arose and wont to the table.— Ho was tempted to speak an angry word, but controlled himself and kept silent. — He could liml no fault with the chop nor tho home-made bread, nor tho iragrant tea. They would have cheered his in ward man, if there had been any gleam of sunshine on the l:\ce ot his wile. He noticed she did not eat. “ .\re yon not well .Mary ?” Thu words were on ids lips, but lie did not utter them, for tlie face of ids wife looked so repellent, that lie feared an irritating rc- * \nd f*o in moody siienuu, the twain sat together until Andrew had finished bis supper. . , , , ~ As he pushed ids chair back, his wife Urune uml doimui'iicml clearing oil* t.lio til- “ This is pulsatory,” said -Lee to him «o!f ns ho commenced walking tho lloor of their little breakfast room, with his hands thrustdown into his browsers pock els, and his chin almost touching his breast. . After removing all the dishes ami ta king them into the kitchen, Mis. Lee spread a green cover on the table, and placing a fresh trlmed lamp thereon, went out and shut the door after her, leavim r her husband alone with unpleas ant footings. He took a long deep breath as lie did so, pausing in his walk, stood still for some moments, and then draw ino a paper from his pocket, sat down by the table, opened the sheet, and com menced reading. Singularly enough, the words upon which his eyes rested were “ Prai-e vour wife." They rather tended to increase the disturbance of mind.from from Which lie was aullering. 1 I should like to lllnl some occasion for praising mine.” How quickly hw thoimlits expressed that ill-natuiod sen 11- mont. But his eyes were on the page be fore him, and he read on ; " Praise your wife man ; for pity's sake give her a little encouragement. It won’t hurt her. Andrew Lee raised his eyes from the paper unci muttered : *' Ob, yea that s all very well, praise is cheap enough. But prise her for what? For being sullen, and making her home the most dis agreeable place iu tho world? His eyes fell again on tho paper. “ She has made your homo comfortable, your hearth brlglitnndshinlng, your food agreeable; for pity’s sake tell her you thank her, if nothing more. She don L expect it; it will make her eyes open wider than they have for twenty years : but it will do her good for all that, and you, too.” , . It seemed to Andrew as if this sentence was written just for the occasion. It was a complete answer to his question— “ Praise her for what?” and he felt it al so a rebuke. He read no further, for thought came too busy in a new direction. Memory was convicting him of injustice to his wife. She had always made hia home as comfortable for him as her hands could make it, and had he offered the light return of praise or commoiulatmn I Hud he ever told her of the satisiaction he had known, or the comfort ho had ex perienced ? He was not able to recall the time or occasion. As he thought thus, Mrs. Lee came in from the kitchen, and taking her work basket from the ‘closet, placed it on the table, and sitting down without speaking, began to bow.— Mr Tjco glanced almost stealthily at the work in her hands, and saw the bosom or a shirt, which she was stitching neatly. Ho knew that it was for him that she was “Gratae your wife.” The words were before the eyes of ids mind, and ho could not look away fi*>m them. But lie w4s not ready for this yet. He still felt moody and unforgiving. The expression of his wife’s face he interpreted to mean ill-ua ture for which he had no patience, liis eyes fell upon the newspaper which Jay •Spread out before him, anil he read the sentence: “A kind, cheerful word spo- | ken In a gloomy house, is the little rift | in the cloud that lets the sunshine : through.” Lec° struggled with himself a while longer. His own ill-nature had to bo conquered first; his moody accusing spu it had to be subdued. He thought of many things to say, yet he feared to say them lest his wife should meet his ad dress with a cold rebuff. At last, lean ing toward her and taking hold of the 'Shirt bosom upon which she WttS at work, ho said in a voice carefully modulated with kindness: “ You are doing the work beautifully, Mary." , , . , . Mrs. Lee made no reply ; but her hus band did not fail to notice that she lost almost instantly that rigid erecluess with which she had been sitting, nor {hat the motion of her needle had ceased. ” My shirts are hotter made and winter than those of any oilier man in the shop," said Lee, encouraged to go on. “Are they?” ...... Mrs. Leo’s voice was low, and had m it a slight huskiness. She did not turn her face, hut her husband saw she leaned a lit tle toward him. lie-had' broken the ice of reserve and all was easy now. His •hand was among the olouds and a feeble ray was .already straggling through the 1 rift It had made, CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, JANUARY 30. 1868, “Yes, Mnry,” he iuiswerod.softly; “and I've heard it more than once, what a good wife undrew Leo must have." Mrs. Lee turned iier face toward her husband. , There was light in it, and light in her oyo. Hut there was something In the ex pression of the countenance that a little puzzled him. . , , , “ Do you think so?” she asked, quite soberly. , ~ . . , “ What a question!” ejaculated Andrew Lee starting up and going round to the side of the table where bis wife was sit ting. “ AVhat a question Mnry!” ho re peated, as he stood beside her. “Do you?” It was all she said. “ Yes, darling,” was his warmly spok en answer, and he stooped down and kiss ed her. “ How strange that you should ask me such a question !” “ If you would only tell me so now and then, Andrew, it would do mo good.”— Mrs. Lee arose, and leaning her face against the manly breast of her husband, stood ami wept. A 1 'What a strong light broke in upon the mind of Andrew Lee. He had never given Ills wife oven the small reward of praise for the loving interest she had manifested dally, until doubt of love had entered her soul. No wonder that her face grew clouded, nor what he consider ed moodiness and ill-nature, took posses sion of her spirit. “ You are good and true, Mary, my own dear wife; lam proud of you—l love you, and my first desire is for your happi ness. O, if I could always see your face in sunshine, my homo would be the dear est place on earth.” “ How precious to mo are your words of lovo and praise, Andrew,” said Mrs. Leo, smiling up through her tears into his face. “ With them in my cars, my heart can never lie in a shadow.” How easy bad been tbo work for An drew Lee. He had swept his band across the cloudy horizon, and now the bright sunshine was streaming down and Hood-, ing that home with joy and beauty. Gymnastic Exercises for Women. The general utility of gymnastic exer cises will bo questioned only by those who are not aware that the health and vigor of all the bodily organs depend on the pqoportioned exercise of each. They insure in particular the development of all the locomotive organs, and they pre vent or correct tho deformities to which tlioMo orffnno nvo Jiablo.' Tllpy are best calculated to produce strength and activi ty, and to bestow invariable health.— They at the same time confer beauty of form, andthey contribute to impart an elegant air and graceful manner. Multitudes of ladies of the present day are suffering from neuralgia, headache and dyspepsia, on account of the failure to take needful exercise. Prior to the open- ing of the gymnasium in this time, it was dilUcult to lind a remedy for this failure. Ladles did not obtain the requisite amount of exercise, because the range of exercises possible to them was extremely limited. There is no peculiarity of Hul ley’s system so deservingof praisoas that it is so admirably adapted to the wants of women. Ruskin, when describing tho kind of education whlch.would fit women for the very high and influential position he is anxious they should occupy, spoke as follows: “Tho first of our duties to her— no thoughtful person now doubts tins-—is to secure for her such physical training ami exercise as may con Arm her health and perfect her beauty, the highest radii oment of that beauty be ing unattainable without splendor of ac tivity and of delicate strength.” That kind of exercise should be first practiced which will call into action those parts of the system most defective in their development. As the only exer cise of most persons is ordinary walking, which alone is qui to Insulllcieut to expand the chest—abnormally small—ill-formed chests are almost the rule ; and diseases of the lungs are most fatal affections of \this country. Now, although it would not bo correct to place those last facts al ways in the relation of cause and effect, .still there is no doubt that they are very frequently thus related, and it is certain that tubercular diseases would very much decrease if only some pains were taken to exercise the lungs, and jirovido for their free action by strengthening the muscles of respiration and expanding the chamber in which they work. Little Tin-vys.—The preuiousnesa of little things was never more beautifully expressed than in the following moreean : “Little marlain boxes nflioinea are gener ally thomost happyaml cosy ; little villa ges are nearer to being atoms oi a shattered paradise than any thing we know of ; and little fortunes bring tiro most content, and littlu hopes the least disappointment. Little words are the sweetest to hear ; lit tle charities lly farthest and slay longest on the wind ; little lakes are the stillest, little hearts the fullest, and little tanas the best tilled. Little books are the most read, and little songs the most loved.— And when nature would make anything especially rare and beautiful. She makes it little—little pearls, little diamonds, lit tludews. Everybody calls that little that they love best on earth. Wo once beard a good sort of a man speak of his little wife, and wo fanciced that she must be a perfect bijon of a wife. Wo saw her, and she weighed 210 ; wc were surprised. But then it wiis no joke ; the man meant It He could put hiswifein his heart am have room for other things beside and what was she but little. Multum in Par- VO— much in little—is the great beau ty of all wo love best, hope for most, and re member the longest.” A Western Juppe.— I The Hon. Benja min Tappan, oneo a Senator from Ohio, was on the bench when the Buckeye State was admitted into the Union. Ho was famous in his time for being very ug ly. very talented, and very cross eyed, crabbed and sarcastic. On one occasion, he was holding court in the wilderness, when one logcabin had to be used for court house, tavern and bar room, iho stable near by was used fora tail, the judge bad just given some malefactors a very severe sentence, when a rough backwoodsman, who had been practicing at the other bar, exclaimed : “That's right; give urn thunder, old ei ”’\Vpo y ig\l,at ?" screamed the irate and Indignant judge. , ~ “It’s this old boss,” answered the pio neer giving his breast an approving slap. “Mr. Sheriff,” retorted Tappan, “put that old boss in the stable, and keep him a week on bread and water.” nay A beautiful Parisian girl called on a lawyer of that city noted for hissagaci tv to learn how she could compel a cer ta u gentlemen, with whom she had fal len in love, to marry her whether or no. “You must contrive to remain alone with him Mademolssello,-three times, and fifteen minutes each time, and have good proof of the fact," said the lawyer. “ Very well, Monsieur,” replied the gnl. She culled twice more on the lawyer, re maining alone with him above twenty minutes on each occasion, and at the close of the lost interview informed the astonished man that he was the person she was after, and that she had her wit nesses all on hand in theontry. He mar ried her and was happy. 6135“ As a weary traveller was wending his way through Hie far West region of the country, ho discovered a young mai den seated in front of a small log house. He rode up in frontof the cabin ahd ask ed the girl for a drink of water. He drank it, and she being the lirst woman he had seen for several days, offered a dime lor n kiss. The young maiden accepted the oiler, and received both the kiss and the dime. The traveller was about to r ™ u , m ® his journey, but the girl having scon a dune, asked -what am Ito do with the dime'?” \oumaj use it in any way you wish,” he replied, it is yours.” “If that is the case, said she, “I’ll give you back the dime and take another kiss,” Daniel Webster and Jenny I.lml, Jenny Lind gave a concert at Wash ington during the session of Congress, and ns a mark of her respect, and a view to tho cctof, sent polite invitations to the President, Mr. Filmoro, tho members of the Cabinet, Mr. Clay, and many other distinguished members of both Houses of Congress. It happened that on that day several members of the Cabinet and Senate were dining with Mr. Bodisco, tho Russian Minister. His good dinner and choice wines had kept the party so late, that the concert was nearly over when Webster, Oiay, Crittenden and others came in; whether from tho hurry in which they came, or from the heat of the room, their faces were a] little Hush ed, and they nil looked somewhat flurri ed. After the applause with which these gentlemen had been received had subsi ded, and silence once more restored,»the second part of the concert was opened by, Jenny Lind, with “Hail Columbia.” This toqk place during the height of the debate and excitement of the slavery question, and the compromise resolutions of Mr. Olay ; and this patriotic air, us a part of the programme, was considered peculiarly appropriate at a concert, where tho head of the Government, and a large number of both brandies of the legisla tive department, were present. At tho close of the first verse, Webster’s patriot ism boiled over; ho could staud it no longer; and rising like Olympian Jove, he added his deep, sonorous bass voice to the chorus; and I venture to say, that never in the whole course of her career, did she ever hear or receive one-Imlf of the applause as that, with which her song and Webster's chorus was greeted. Mrs. Webster who sat immediately behind him, kept tugging at his coat-tail to make him sit down or >top singing, but it was of no earthly use—and at tho close of each verse, Webster joined in, and it was hard to say whether Jenny Llmi, Webster, or the audience were the most delighted. I have seen Rublni, Lnblache, and the two Grisis, on the stage at one time, but such a happy con junction in the national air of “ Hail Columbia,” as Jenny Lind’s tenor and Daniel Webster’s bass, we shall never see or hear again. At the close of the air, Mr. Webster rose with his hat. in hand, mid made her such a bow as Chesterfield would have deemed a fortune for his son, and which eclipsed D’Orsay’s best. Jenny Lind, blushing at tho distinguished honor, courlealed to the floor ; the audience ap plauded to the very echo; Webster de termined not to be outdone in politeness, bowed again ; Mias Lind recourtesied, the house reapplauded, and this was repeated nine times, or “ I’m a villain else.” I have seen Niagaraand Taglioni, Mars and Mnllbran; I have walked through the ruins at Paestum and the Cullisrieum by moonlight; crossed the Memii Bridge and tho Thames Tunnel, but never while memory lasts will this scene fade away. Being something of a .wag, and deem ing tills too good to bo lost,tlie next day it was currently reported thatßarnum had engaged Mr. Clay and Mr. Webster to ac company Miss Lind and himself as far as Richmond, mid assist her at her concert. For some days nothing but Miss Lind's concert, and the report about Clay and Webster, was talked of about the capitol. A few days after this I was sitting in the Congressional post office, when a member came in, with whom I had al ways been on friendly terms, and to my unusual very cordial “Good morning,” the gentleman, with lips closely com pressed, pale as a shirt, and clipping his words very shortly, replied in a sort of staccato style. “ Good morning sir. Can I have ft word with you in fhdvaUsV Heaven defend mo from a challenge, thought I. Still, never dreaminguhow I could have incurred the gentleman’s dis pleasure, I replied very politely, “With pleasure.” After leading mo some dis tance through the crooked passages of the Capitol, he stopped shortaud looking me full in the face, and seemingly as anx ious for a light as a bull terrier, he began : “ Understand, sir, that a most insuit ing report has been very extensively cir culated in this city, about two of the most distinguished men of my party, and I have heard from more than one source that you are the author. My ob ject, sir, is to know whether you are the author, and if so whether you hold our sell responsible.” Being still in the dark, and utterly unable to comorehend the drift of bis remark, I replied : “ Sir, I do not know what you are talking about; you will be pleased to speak somewhat more intelligibly.” “ Well, sir,” said he, his color rising at my cool ness, “ I have learned from the most un questionable authority, that yon have said that Barnum bad engaged Mr. Clay ami Mr. Webster to accompany and as sist Jenny Lind at her concerts in Rich- niond.” , , . I never was so usually divided between an inclination to laugh outright and to get vexed ; and hesitate a moment weth er I should abuse him for his stupidity, or laugh in his face, it occurred to me that if ho could swallow so much, his credulity was capacious enough to digest much more. compressing my lips, and trying to look as tierce us possible, I said iu the same staccato tone, of voice in which he had spoken, “ Yes, sir, I am responsible for that report, and I reckon I have seen the contract.” lily young opponent’s jaws fell, and speaking in his usual natural drawl, ho bowed po-itely, and evidently with feelings of great dis appointment at not being able to get a figiit, “I beg your pardon, sir, I was not aware that you had seen the contract.” I do not know whether ho ever told any one, or whether his friends let him into the secret of my disposition as a wag, ■ but certain it was, for some time when ever ho saw mo on the one side of Penn sylvania avenue, be always had some bu siness on the other. . I told the joke to Mr. Webster, at his own house, before the nomination of the Whig party was made, ami ventured to suggest to him that when lie was elected President, he ought to confer some office on the man who was willing to tight for him ami the honor of his party. Ale as sured me that, if elected, the claims of this gent'eman should not be forgotten. • Coicmpovciry in Southern Society. (VST Perhaps the beat pun of this gen eration of lawyers was made by Hold Colonsay. A shoemaker of Aberdeen, in Scotland, had come into a fortune, after having fallen into several- misfortunes, chiefly from feminine causes. He sough t to divorce his wife, and she sought to di vorce him, and in the various suits if’ooo or £3,000 was spent. Lord Dons, during a dispute about the wife’s expen ses asked, " How would this shoemaker have got justice if he hud been obliged to stick to his last?” The Lord President instantly remarked, “Ho would have been required to spend his awl." Storm Signs.—lt’s a sign of a storm, to tread on anybody’s toe that inis corns. It’sasignof astorm, if you waken the baby on a wash day. It’s a sign of a storm, to call a baby ug ly in presence of its mother. It’s a sign of a storm, to start a yarn about your neighbor at an alo house, and some one runs and tells. It's a sign of astorm, to spit on the par lor carpet and your wife sees it. It's a sign of a storm, to speak ill of your wife’s relations. It ? s a sign of a storm, to tell your wife she looks horrid in that last new bonnet. tall, keen-eyed countryman walked into the court room during the progress of a trial. Stepping up to one of the “ring,” he requsted that the prison ers might be pointed out to him. Iho lawyer he accosted being somewhat of a wag, pointed to the jury. The stranger surveyed them critically, when turning to his informer he remarked: “'Veil they are a hard looking set, ain tthey ? I know by their looks they ought to go to State’s rrlson, every one of them I” A HE.VVTIFUIi STORY. “A cheerful word of sympathy May scatter clouds away, One little act performed In life Turns darkness Into day.” On a warm summer afternoon a lazy breeze stole through the windows of a little hot district school house, lifting the white curtains, ami rustling the leaves of the copy books that lay open on the desks. Thirty or forty scholars of all ages were bending over their writing, quiet and busy ; the voice of. the master, as ho passed about among the writers, was the only sound. lint though silent, this little hot school room has its heroes and heroines as certainly ns the wider sphere of life.' The bell wrings for the writing to bo laid by ; and now comes the last exercise of the day, the spelling, in which nearly all tho school joined. At the head of the class is a delicate little girl, in a blue dress, whoso bright eyes and attentive air show that she prizes her place and means to keep it. Presently a word, which had passed all the lower end of the class, came to Eu nice. The word was privilege. “ P-r-i-v, priv—i, privi—lege, privilege,” spelled Eunice. Hut tho teacher, vexed with the mistake at tho other end of tho class, misunderstood her, and passed it. The little girl looked amazed ; tho bright col or came into her cheeks, and she listened eagerly to the next person, who spelled it as she had done. “ Right,” said the teacher; place.” “ I spelled it so f ” whispered Eunice to herself, tears springing to her eyes as she passed down. Hut, too timid to speak to tho master, she remained in her place, inwardly determined to get up ; again. 1 But her trials were not over. Many ex pedients were tried in the school to keep out the arch enemy of all schools—whis pering. At length tho following was adopted: The first whisperer was stood upon the floor in front of the teacher’s desk. Hero ho acted as monitor; os ho detected another ho tpok his seat, and tho next offender kept a sharp look-out to find some one to take his place; for at the close of the school, the scholar who , had the whisperer’s place was punished very severely—as the school phrase was, “took a feruling!” This plan appeared to operate very well, every one dreading being found the last on tho floor- but though it secured an orderly school, many of tho parents and scholars doubt ed its justice. Tho boy who was on the floor when Eunice lost hortplacc, was an unruly, surly fellow ; who had smarted for his ' faults often before ; and as school drew near its close ho began to tremble. The instant Eunice’s whispered complaint reached his ear, his face brightened up; lie was safe now. And when tho class was dismissed, he said, “ Emiic whis pered, sir.” Eunice rose, and in a trembling voice re lated what she had said ; but tho teacher saw no excuse in it, and she was called to take the place of the ungenerous boy who told on her. Hooks had been put awaj’, and tho waiting school looked on in "sorrowful-: ness as Eunice left her scat to lake tho dreaded punishment. She was one- of the best scholars, bright, faithful, sweet tempered, a general favorite. Every one felt that it was unjust, and many angry glances were at the boy who was mean enough to get a little girl whipped. Overcome with shame ami fear she stood up by tho desk, crying bitterly, while the teacher was preparing to inflict the punishment. At this moment a tall boy stepped out of his seat, and going to the desk, said : ” Are you going to whip Eunice, sir ?” “ Yes, I never break my rules,” tho teacher said. _ * “ We will not see her whipped !” said the boy, in an excited voice. “There is not a boy hero, but one, that would see her whipped. Whip me, sir, and keep your rule if b-it don’t touch that little girl.” The master paused ; the school looked on tearfully. “ Do you mean to say that you will take the punishment?” asked the teach er. *• 1 do, sir,” was the bold reply. The sobbing little girl was sent to her seat, and without flinching, her friend stood and received the punishment that was to have fallen on her. The school was dismissed, and the boys paid him in admiration and praise for all ho had suf fered, while thognitoful little ghi blessed him from her heart for a noble and gen erous boy, who had saved her from the greatest shame ami suffering. T >aid the little school hud its heroes, and this was one of them. Do you think this conduct admirable? Now for the moral. The punishment received by this noble boy was Christ-like ; it was one of Holler ing from his own free will the punish ment that was to have been borne by an other. You see—do you not —that this Is just what Christ did, who bore our sin in His own body, on the tree—the Saviour of men. How great the gratitude each of us owes such a friend. PUAYI3U IN Cou«t.—Judge R re- • kites the following incident as occurring in the course of his practice: Pie was trying a petty case, in which one of the party was not able to pay coun sel fees, and undertook to plead his own cause ; but he found In the course of the trial that the keen and adroit attorney who managed the case for the other par ty was to much for him in legal strategy, evidently making the worst appear the bettercause. The poor mini, Mr. A , was in a state of mind bordering upon desperation, when the opposing counsel closed hia plea, and the case was about to be submitted to the justice for decision. “ May it please your honor,” said the naan. “May I pray?" , t , The Judge was taken somewhat by surprise, and could only say ho saw no objection. Whereupon Mr. A went down upon hia knees, and made a fervent prayer, iu which he laid the merits of the case before the Lord in a very clear ami methodical statement of all the par ticulars, pleading that right and justice <ptev»il. Lord! thou knowest that the lawyer has misrepresented the facts, and Thou knowest that it is so and no—to the end of the chapter. Arguments which he could not present in logical array to the understanding of men, he had no difficulty in address lag to the Lord, boing evidently better versed in praying tbau pettifogging. When lie arose from his knees, Lsqutro \V , tile opposing counsel, very much cxasjierated by the turn affairs had taken, said: “ Mr. Justice, does not the closing argu ment belong to me?” To which the'Judge replied : “You can close with prayer If you please?” . ' . . r Esquire \V was m the habit of pravlng at home, but not seeing the pro priety of connecting his prayer with Ins practice, wisely forebore, leaving poor A to win his case, as ho did, by tins novel mode of presenting it. CST A thrifty farmer, who “believes In making old things last in these times , says : “There is one thing that nearly everybody knows and hardly anybody at tends to, that is to sprinkle slacked lime on their roofs once a year, either in fall or spring. If the shingles are covered evgr so thick with im»s, the lime soon, c ears It oil leaving the roof clean and white, and good fora dozen years longer. It ought to be put on pretty thick, and a rainy dav is best for the work. .Strong wood ashes will answer almost as well to keep roofs in repair, but they will not look as nice. To make new shingles last thice or four times the usual period, they need only to bo soaked a few days m a tank half fullof thick liiue wider, which must bo stirred up well before the shingles are putln." VOL. 54.—N0. 33 Tin: LovEii AM) run uisiuni). In his “Dream of Life” Ike Marvel thus sketches, in a pleasant vein, and with those self-conceited, humanizing incidents which have over gained the laughter and good will of the world, the lover and the newly married man : You grow unusually amiable and kind ; you are in earnest in your search for friends; you shake hands with your of fice boy as if he weroyoursecond cousin. You joke cheerfully with your washer woman, and give her a shilling over change, and insist upon Iter keeping-it. You tap your hack man on the shoulder very familiarly; you tell him he is a capital fellow, and you don’t allow him to whip his horses, except when driving to the postolllce. You even ask him to take a glass of beer with you on some chilly evening. You drink to the health of his wife, whereupon you drink him a very miserable man, and give him a dollar by way of consolation. You think that all the editorials in the morning papers are remarkably well written, whether upon yourside or upon another. You think the stock marke t hua a very choorful* Inolc, with Eric, of which you arc a largo holder, down in seventy-five. You wonder why you never admired Mrs. Homans before, or {Stoddard, or any of the rest. You give a pleasant twirl of your fin gers as you shunter along the street, and —say but not so loud as to bo overheard— “ She is mine I is mine!” You wonder if Frank ever loved Nelly None-half as well as you love Madge You fell quite sure ho never did. You can hardly conceive how it is that Madge has not been seized before now by scores of enamored men, and borne off, like the Sabine woman in roman history. Yon chuckle over your future like a boy who has found a guinea In groping for six pence. You read over the marriage ser vice, thinking of the time when yon will take her hand and slip the ring upon her finger, and repeat after the clergyman, “ for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse?” A great deal of “worse” there will bo about it, you think L Through all, your heart clings to that one sweet image of the beloved Madge, as light cleaves to day. The weeks leap up with a bound; and the months only grow long when you approach that day that is to make her yours. There are no flowers rare enough to make bnquuls for ner, diamonds are too dim for her to wear; pearls are tame! And after marriage the weeks arc even shorter than before ; you wonder why on earth all the single men in the world do not rush tumultuously to the altar. You look upon them all as a traveled man would look upon some conceited boor, who has never been beyond the limit of his cabbage garden. Married men, on the contrary, you regard as fol low voyagers, and look upon their wives —ugly as they may be—as better 'than none. “ take your You blush a little at first tolling your butcher what "your wife” would like; your bargain with the grocer for sugars ami teas, and wonder if lie knows you are a married man. You practice your new way of talking upon your office boy ; you tell him that "your wife” expects him to dinner, and are astonished Unit he does not stare at yon to hear vou say it. You wonder if the people in the omni bus know that you and Madge are just married ; and if the driver knows the shilling you hand him is for “ self and wife ? You wonder if anybody was ever ho happy before, or ever will be so happy again ? You cuter your name upon the Hotel book as Clarence aud lady j and come back to look -at it, wondering U‘ anybody else had noticed it, and think ing that it looks remarkably well. You cannot help thinking that every third man you meet in the hall wishes lie pos sessed your wife—nor do you think it very sinful in him to wish it. You fear it is placing temptation in the way of coveteoua men to put Madge's little gai ter outside the chamber door at night. Your homo, when it is entered, is just what it should be—quite small, with eve rything she wishes. The sun strikes it in the happiest possible way, the pi ano is the sweetest toned in the world, the library is stocked to a charm, and Madge—that blessed wife—is there, adorn ing and giving life to it all. To think, even, of her possible death is a suffering you class with the tortures of the Inqui sition. You grow twain of heart and purpose. ,Smiles seem made of marriage wonder how you were one bo fore. AKctil 1 Ol’r-JJuoit Dun.—Thu Toledo i'o.iunci'tjiut publishes a letter writ U-n by oho (■!’ Uu! lute telegraphic expedition to Siberia. The writer says : “ You way you cannot imagine how we live in such u climate. 1 couldn't until I tried it. I didn’t believe that it would I be possible for mo to lay out in the snow 1 without shelter in a temperature of even twenty below zero, but I have done it once In fifty below, and repeatedly in forty-five. One of Bush’s parties, in Feb ruary of this year, passed the night on an open barren steppe, with their spirit thermometer standing sixty-eight below zero, or a hundred degrees below the • freezing point. Quicksilver they mould ed into solid bullets with four minutes’ exposure to the air. It is true they didn’t dare to go to sleep that night, but 1 be lieve that, hud they been properly fitted out with heavy furs-and wolf-skin sleep ing bags to tie up tightly over their heads, they might have done It with perfect safety. lam afraid thatyou would think that I was availing myself of atraveller’a privilege, and relating a very tough yarn, if I told you how comfortably I have slept on snow in temperatur- s of thirty live, forty, and forty-live degrees below. \\ r e are obliged to sleep In fur bags of course, with our faces barely covered, and to take the utmost care to have our fur stockings perfectly dry ; but I have slept in that way through the Jong' Arctic nights as comfortable as ever I did in a bed at home. From September, until I came aboard-the Onward a few weeks ago, I never slept in a bed or on anything softer than the snow or board. So you can imagine that the sensation was a curious one. Juffhuson's Fidui.e.—The wife of Thomas Jefferson was Mrs. Martha Skel ton, a rich widow, twenty-three at her second nuptials. She wasof good family, beautiful, accomplished ami greatly ad mired. The story wont that two, among tlie many suitors for her hand, going sev erally to her house on the same errand to learn their fate from her decision, met in the hall, where they heard her playing on the harpsichord and singingalovusong, ac companied by Jefferson's voice and violin Something in the song or the manner of tire singing satisfied both wooers ol lire folly'of their hopes, and they withdrew. Tile statesman was fond of his violin. When ins paternal home was burned Ire asked, "Are all the hooks destroyed?" “ Vcs, inassa," was the reply, “dey is; hut we saved de fiddle.”— Queens of Anvri can Soaicli/. IV BKAUTirur. li.i.cstuatio.v.—ft is said of the Icelanders, that they scrupu lously observe the usage of rending the sacred Scriptures every morning, the whole family joining in the singing and prayers. When the Icelander awakes, he salutes no person until he has saluted his God. He usually hastens to the door, adores there the author of nature and providence, and then steps back, saying to his family, “ God grant you a good day,” What a beautiful Illustration is this of the Christian obligation on the part of households to recognize and wor ship God. 11)31" “ Neighbor, what is the Christian news this morning?” said a gentleman to his friend. “ 1 have just bought a barrel of flour for a poor woman. “Just like vou. Who is it that you have made hap py by your charity this time? ”My wife/’ Kates for 2U)ucrttsing Advertisements will be inserted T«a C»ots per lino for Ibo first Insertion, and five cents per lino for each subsequent insertion. Quar terly, half-yearly, and yearly advertisement* in serted at a liberal reduction on the above rates. Advertisements should bo accompanied by tbo Casij. When sent without any length of tlmo specified for publication, they will be continued until ordered out and charged accordingly. JOB PRINTING. Caudh, IIANDIUM.S, CiucuLAiw, and «YOiy oth er description 0/ Jon and L’akd Printing execu ted lu the neatest style, at low prices. ODDS AND ENDS, —What gentleman can, with any sense of propriety, ask a fnt woman to lean on his arm. —An architect proposes to build a “Bachelor’s Hall,” which will differ from most houses, In having no lives. —How to take a census of the children of a neighbor—employ an organ grinder about live minutes. —What is the difference between-an educator and a wife? One sets articles to rights and the other writes articles to set. —Some wretch of an editor says that another twist to the present mode of “do ing up” the ladies’ hair, would lake them off their feet. —Josh Billings says; “I am violently opposed tew.ardent spirits-as a bcvrldge, but for manufacturing purposes I think a little of it tastes good.” —Ata conference meeting roconfly, a countryman gave it as his opinion, “ That if men* were not born totally depraved, they bccamo ho pvcuy middlin’ early.” —Moral beauty, tho velloetiou of the soul in the countenance, is as superior to superficial comeliness, us mind is to mat ter. Those who look good cannot fail to bo good-looking. —An old bachelor thinks that the trains of ladies’dresses are infernal machines, from tho fact that a blow-up took place immediately after ho put his foot ou one. —A chap out West who has been se verely alllicted with palpitation of tho heart, says he found instant relief by tho application of another palpitating heart to the spot affected. —“ I wish,” said an anxious mother to her careless son, “ I wish you would pay a little attention to your arithmetic.”— “ Well, I do,” was tho reply ; “ I pay us little attention to it as possible.” —An inquisitive chap asked a soldier with an empty sleeve whore ho lost his arm. “In a threshing machine,” an swered the soldier. “ Were you running tho machine ?” “ Well no ; General Grant had charge.” “ Figures can't lie,” says the arithme tician. “ You can’t say that of women’s flg-ures in these days,’ rcsjiouds the slan derous dressmaker. —A now justice of tho peace in Kansas closed marrying his first couple with these wo’-ds : “ What I have this night joined together let no man but God Al mighty put asunder.” —A Cleveland lOhiol dry goods dealer adds the following to liis advertising cir . cular: “Ministers of the Gospel sup plied with goods at cost price, if they agree to mention tho fact.to their congre gation.” “ Wife,” said a man looking for his bootjack, “ I have places for my things, and you ought to know it.” “Yes,', said she, “ I ought to know where you keep your Into hours, but I don’t.” —A sharp youth borrowed a stick of candy from aJittio comrade, to show him that ho could pull it out of his car. He swallowed it, and then twisted himself into various ways to extract it, but at length informed his companion that he had forgotten that part of the trick. —Josh Billings is speculating on floods. He arrives at this conclusion: “Thar ain’t no doubt in mi mind but that the Hood was a perfcck success, ami I have tliot that another just such a one would pay well in some sections of the coun try.” —Bismarck mot his barber at Baden- Baden affably spoke to him. The barber gave himself airs, and complained of the mixed Society at Baden-Baden. The count replied with a happy <juidjtro (j"o, “ Well, C, we cannot all be barbers, you know.” —“Did any’ of you over see an ele phanL’a skin ?” asked the master of an in fant school in a fast neighborhood. “ I have !" shouted a six-year old at the foot of the class. “ Where?" inquired the old man, amused by his earnestness. “On an elephant," was the reply. —“ I wish I could prevail on neighbor li.it) to keep the Sabbath," said good ohl Mrs. Jones. “ i'll lull you how to do it,” exclaimed young .Smith, “ gut somebody to lend it to him ami I’ll be bound that he’ll keep it. ns ho never was known to return anything he borrowed." —A certain deacon being accustomed i snort! while asleep in church, received the following polite note: “Deacon Smith is request'd not to commence snoring to-morrow until the sermon is begun, as some persons in the neighbor hood of his pew would like to hear tho text." —A dilapidated old darkey in Mont gomery, Ala., while watching the mon keys in a menagerie in that city, on Fri day, spoke thusly r : “ bum children got too much sense to come out en (hit cage ; white folks cut dar tails oil’ and set ’em to votin’ and making Constitewtion.” —An editor wrote an article on the fair sex, in the course of which ho said.— “ Girls of seventeen or eighteen are fond of beaus," When the paper was issued he was allocked to discover that an un fortunate typographical error had made him say : “Girls of seventeen or eigh teen arc fond of beam —lf wo work upon marble, it will per ish ; if we work upon brass, time will ef face it; if we rear, temples, they will crumble into dust; but if we work .upon immortal minds—if wo imbue them with principles, with tho just fear of God and our fellow-men—we engrave on those tab lets something which will brighten to all eternity. —“Don’t you know me?" said a Ken tucky soldier to his former commander,. “Xo, my friend, I don’t." “Why, sir, you once saved my life’” “Ah, how was that?" “ Why; sir, I served •under von at tho battle of Fort Duuclson, ami when you ran away at the beginning of the light, I ran after you—else X might have been killed. God bless you, my preserver, my benefactor!" —A lady says the first time she was kissed she felt‘like a tub of roses swim* ming in honey, cologne; nutmegs and cranberries. She felt also as if something was running through her nerves on feel of diamonds, escorted by several little cu pids, in chariots drawn byaugels, shaded by honeysuckles, and the whole spread with melted rainbows. —A genteel family was recently found in one of the suburbs of London, literally starving or starved to death; the furni ture and clothing gone, tiro father dead of hunger on the floor, the wife and ther dying on the bed, the children per ishing, the oldest girl crazy with hunger ami moaning: ”It is tire last bit ol bread —save it for the baby I ” —An industrious blacksmith and an idle dandy courted a pretty girl, who lies itated which of them to take. rinally H ho said she would marry which ever ol them could show the whitest hands. — With a sneer at the blacksmith the dan dy held his palms white from idle ness’ The poor blacksmith hid his brawny hands in his pockets, then draw ing them out filled with bright silver coins he spread them over his dusky lin gers. The girl decided that his lingers wore tho whitest. —The crew of a man-of-war once saw a comet,'and were somewhat surprised ami alarmed at its appearance. The hands met and appointed a committee to wait on the commander to ask his opinion oi it. They approached him ami said ; . * * We want to ask your opinion, your hon or.” “ Well, my hoys, what is it about. ‘‘ We want to inquire about that Ihhn; up there.” “Now, before 1 lirat let mo know what you think it i». “ Well vour honor, we Imve talked it over amt wc think it is a star sprung a leak!”
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers