®l)c jbncncau lloluntccr. PITHDISHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING UltA/PTON As KENNEDY, ori ltE-MHITU MARKET Tkums:—'Two Dollars per year If paid strictly in advance; Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid within three months; after which Three Dollars will be charged. These terms will bo rigidly ad hered to In every Instance. No subscription dis continued until all arrearages are paid, unless at he option of the Editor. |3rofcssUinal (Earns. 171 E. BKLTZHOOVBB, Attorney l» , and Counselor at Law, Carlisle, Penna. uitlco on South Hanover street, opposite Hunt/, s Htoro, By special arrangement with the l atom Olllco, attends to securing Patent Rights. Dec. 1, 1860. .1. M. WKAKT.F.V. W. F. HADI.KIt. YyBAKIiEY & SADLER, AT T OBNEYS A T LAW, NO. 10 SOUTH HANOVER ST. Dee. It». 1867.—1 y JOHN R. MILLER. Attorney at Daw. Olllco in Hannon b Building, opposite tn« Court House, Carlisle. I'u, Nov. 11,1807. Adam keller, attorney at Daw, Carlisle. Olllco withAV. M. Penrose, ivsip, Rheom’s Hull. October B, 1867—6m 1 * jJNITED STATES CLAIM AND nEA Ij EX TA TE A GEEV V! WM. B. BUTLER, ATTUKNKV AT LAW, <HlU'c In Jd Story of InbolPs Building, No. 5 South Hanover Street, Carlisle, Cumberland county, i'enim. Pensions, bounties, Back Pay, Ac., promptly collected. Applications by mall, will receive Immediate al (cation. Particular attention gluon to the soiling or rent ing of Ileal Estate, in town or country. In all let ters of Inquiry, please enclose postage stamp. July il, 1807—tl , pHAti. E. MAGDAUGHDIN, Attou \J nisy at Law. Ollleo in Building formerly occupied by Volunteer, a few doors South of Han non’s Hotel. Doe. 1, 1885, JOHN. C. GRAHAM, Attorney at Law. Ollleo formerly occupied by Judge Uralmin, South Hanover street, Carlisle, Penna. Dec. 1,18(13 ly. MC. HERMAN, Attorney at Raw. , Ollleo In Uhcem's Hall building, In Uiu rear of tho Court House, next door to the “Her ald” Olllce, Carlisle, Penna. Dec, 1,18H5. W KENNEDY Attorney at Daw, , Carlisle, Penna. Ollleo same as that ol (he “American Volunteer,” youth side of the Pub lic Square. Dec. 1 ]i« roHN LEE, Attorney at Law, p) North Hanover Street, Carlisle, Pa„ I<eb. 15,1HUU—ly. TAMES A. DUNBAR, Attorney at fj Law. Carlisle, Penna. Ollleo a few doors west of Hannon's Hotel. Dee. 1. 18(15. DU. GEORGE S. SEARIGHT, Den> n.ST. From (he Baltimore CoUcnn of JJcntat ,s unu/ent. Olllce at the residence of his mother, East. Gaither Street, three doors below Bedford, (’nrlisle, Penna. Dee. 1, ISGS. DR. J. R. BINDER offers bis profes sional services to the citizens of (’arllslo and ' on Main street, opposite the Jail, in the room lately occupied by L. Todd, Esq. April 11, lif(J7 —ly ' gjtobcs, ®iuto£irc, scc. J AMJS S U'GOK I C! A L , MANUFACTUKKU AND I>KAT.KH IN STOVES TIN AND SXIIOIiT-iIION WAKE, .Smith Jfcuiuvcr SI., A({jolnivi/ JSlair <t Son'3 Grocer!/, CARLISLE Tho subscriber tlmnkful for past favors, re spectfully Informs Ins fiiomls ami tlio public, t lint bo has now on band a largo supply of tbo latest and best improved COOK ami PARLOR STO YES, Jlh'A 'J'ERSamI RANGES. In thoSLovo Department wo desire to call par ticular attention to tbo following, comprising as they do, the very best Cook ami Parlor Stoves now In use • NIMROD, (QUAKER CITY. EXCELSIOR, PENN, NOBLE COOK, N SUSCIUEIIANNA unit IRONSIDES. To speak at length of the cHllei-ent Stoves would occupy too mucli space, but wo deem It necessa ry to «ali the attention of the public to tho EMPIRE GAS BUR NER This Indy wonderful Parlor and Cilice Stove Is so constructed that the cheapest quality of coal (Llmelnirnor’s;, can bo used with .success,— 1 1 burns continuously and the lire is easily kin dled. It is callable of heating one room below and two rooms above. There Is no dust and no escape of gas, and an actual saving of coal, which In two or three seasons will pay for the stove. The Empire has many valuable qualities which cun only be fully appreciated by seeing it in op eration. We cluiju that it is far superior to any other Stove now in use, and we feel satisfied that wo can convince all who will luvor ns with an examination of the Stove at our shop of this part. We have on hand a full assortment of T INWAIUS, Uepairlng promptly attended to. Roofing done at the shortest notice. Spouting will bo put up on reasonable terms and with despatch. Please give us a call at No. SU, South Hanover •Street, adjoining Blair's Grocery. JAMES MGONIGAL. Sept. I'J, 1867—Gin qU-IE CARLISLE COOK STOVE, X manufactured at F. GARDNER & Co’s. Foundry and Machine Shop, Carlisle, can'tbcbcat. This Is Lite testimony of scores of families in Cum berland, Perry and Adams Counties, who arc now using them. Call and boo them. CORN SHELLEBS running either by power or by hand—constantly on hand and for sale at F. GAIIDNEII A CO’S. Foundry and Machine Shop,East Main Street. STEAM BOILER MAKING. Wo arc prepared to make Steam Boilers of all si zes and kinds promptly and on tho best tonus.— Also, WMoICE STACKS and all articles in that line. REPAIRING OF BOILERS and ENGINES promptly attended to in tho host manner at F. GARDNER & CO’S. Foundry and Machine Shop, Carlisle, Pa, Fob. 7. 1807. Miller & bowers, , SUCCESSORS TO LEWIS F. LYNE, North Hanover Street, Cbrlule, Pa Dealers In American, English and Gorman HARDWARE, Cutlery, Saddlery, Coach Trimmings, Shoe Findings, Morocco and Lining Skins, Lusts, Boot Trees and Shoemaker Tools of every description. Solid and Brass Box Vices, Bellows, Files, Hasps, Horse Shoes, Horse Shoo Nalls. Bar and Rolled Iron of all sizes. lIAMES AND TRACES, Carriage Springs, Axles, Spokes, Fellows, Hubs, ♦to.. Ac. Saws of every variety, Carpenters’ Tools ana Building Material, Table and Pocket Cutlery, Plated Forks and Spoons, with an extensive as sortment of Hardware of all kinds and of the beat manufacture, which will bo sold wholesale or re tail at the lowest prices. We nro making great improvements in our already heavy stock ol goods, and invito all persons In want of Hard ware of every deseript lon to give us a call and we are conlldeut you will bo well paid for your trou ble. Hoping that by strict attention to business and a disposition to please nil we will bo able to maintain the reputation of the old stand. MILLER A LOWEItS. Dec. 1,1803. jp I P E It ’ B BOOK AND FANCY STORE, AIYD GENERAL NEWS DEPOT, 33 WEST MAIN STREET, GAULISH:, I'A. A lino assortment of Goods on hand, such ns Writing Desks. Fort Folios, Ladies Companions, Work Boxes. .Satchels, Ladles’ Purses,. Pocket Books, Hcgar Cases, Card Cases, Gobi Pens, Pen Knives, A LARGE SUPPLY OK FAMILY BIBLES ami PHOTOGRAPHIC ALBUMS AT HEDUCBD PKtCES. DIARIES FOB 18G7. Subscriptions received for all Magazines, Fash ion Books, Papers, Ac., at publishers prices. You save postage and always sure of receiving your Magazines by subscribing at Pil’Ku’s. Special attention Is paid to keeping always on hand a supply of * SCHOOL BOOKS, for town and country schools. SSfyfflWOT-tf 810 orderod whou desired. BY BRATTON & KENNEDY, HOOFLAHD'S GERMAN BITTERS, Hoofland’s German Tonic. CAiir.iar.K, Pknn'a. Prepared by Dr. 0. M. Jackson, The Great Remedies for all Diseases LIVER, STOMACH, OR Hoofland’s German Bitters Ifl composed of tbc pure J«irc« for, mi llicy arc nuclei nally termed. Kx , a . Roots Hcrbsand Barks, TpT - 11 pifimr.i tlon, highly conccn :j baled, amLcmiicly Alcoholic fw»i A mimixliire of any HOOFLAND’S GERMAN TONIC, Ifl a combination of nil Hie ingt i dlcnts ol tlio Ritter*, with tlio purest quality of Situ'a f'nit Hum, Orntwo, etc., making one of the most pleasant and mrreeablo remedies ever o/lerod to the public. Those preferring a Medicine free bom Alcoholic ad mixture, will use Hoofland’s German Bitters. In cases of nervous dcpiesblon, when some ulcohollo ■Umulus in iiccc-naary, HOOFLAND’S GERMAN TONIC Tlio Bitters or the Tonic ate both equally good, and contain the same medicinal virtues. llio stomach, from a variety of causes, such as Indl geaUuii, Xriumuy, etc., is very apt to //fy have its funclions deranged. Tlio result jra of which is, that the patient suffers from tevornl or more of the followhig dlHCUbes: Constipation. Flatulence, Inward Piles, Fulness of Blood to tbo Head, Acidity of the Stomach, Nausea, Heart burn, Disgust for Food, Fulness or Weight in tho Stomach, Sour Eructations, Sink ing or Fluttering at tho Pit of the Stomach, Swimming of the Head, Hurried or Difficult Breathing, Fluttering at tho Heart, Choking or Suffocating Sensations when in a Dying Posture, Dimness of Vision, Dots or Webs before the Sight, Dull Pain in the Head, Defi ciency of Perspiration, Yel lowness of the Skin and Eyes, Pa i n in tho Side, (£*[ jtSi Back,Chest, Limbs, etc., S u a d e n Flushes of Hoat, Burning in the Flesh, Constant Imaginings of Evil, and Great Depression of Spirits. These remedies will effectually cure Liver Complaint, Jaundice, Dyspepsia, Chronic or Nervous Debility. Chronic Diarrluca, Dlhcjim* of the Kidneys, anil all Diseases arising from a Disordered Liver, HluLuacb,or Intestines. Resulting from any Cause whatever; PROSTRATION OP THE SYSTEM, induced by Severe Labor, Hard- . oliips, .Exposure, ruvui's, etc. There Is no medicine extant equal to these remedies in such cases. A tone and vigor is imparted to tho whole System, tho [=55553 Appetite is Strength ened, food is enjoyed, the stomach digests promptly, the blood is puritied, the com plexion b cco in e e Eiiia Bound ami healthy, the yellow tinge is eradicated from the eyes, a bloom, is given to tbo cheeks, and tlio weak and nervous in valid becomes a strong and healthy being. Persons Advanced in Life , And feeling the hand of time weighing heavily upon them, with all Us attendant 111 b, will find In tho uao of this BITTERS, or tho TONIC, an elixir that will instil new life lino their veins, restore In a measure tho energy and ardor of more youthful days, build up their shrunken forms, and give health ana happiness to their remaining years. It is a woll-cdahlifOiwl fact that fully one-half of tho female portion of onr j population are sel dom In the enjoyment jtf jj of good health ; or, to use their own ex I’J presslon, 1 * never feel well." They arc lan guid, devoid of all energy, eslicmcly nervous, and have no appetite. To this class of persona tho BITTERS, or tho TONIC, is especially recommended. WEAK AND DELICATE CHILDREN Arc made strong by the use of cithcrof these remedies. They will cure every case of MARASMUS, without fall. Thousands of certificates have accumulated in the hands of tho proprietor, but space will allow of tho publication of but a few. Those, it will ho observed, are men of note and of such standing that they mast ho bellowed. Hon. Geo. W. Woodward. Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Pa., writes: Philadelphia, March 10,1867. “I find‘HoofiamVs Gorman Bitters * Is a good tonic, useful - in diseases of the dlgoslivoorgaus, and of great benefit in cases of debility, and wßfffii want of nervous ac tion in tho system. Yours truly, Hon. James Thompson. Judge of (he Supreme Court of Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, April 28, 1860. “I consider ‘Hoofland’s Gorman Bitters ’ a valuable medicine in case of attacks of Indigestion or Dyspepsia. I can certify this from my experience of it. Tours, with respect, JAMES THOMPSON." From Rev, Joseph H. Kennard, B. D., Pastor of the Tenth Baptist Church, Philadelphia. Dr. Jackson— Dear Sir: I have been frequently re quested to connect my noms will. rei*uiiiim. a »daUorui - of diQcrcnt kinds of medicines, but regarding tho prac tice as out of myap Qsssi, c=a propriato sphere, I have In all cases do cllned; hut with a clear proof In varl JljsSgdß ous Instances and ■particularly in my own family, of tho usefulness of Dr. lioofiand's German Bitters, 1 depart for onco from my usual course, to express my full conviction that, for general debility of the system, and 4 especially for Liver Complaint, it is a safe ami valuable ,j preparation. In somo cases it may fall; but usually, I doubt not, It will bo very beneficial to those who suffer from tho above causes. From Rev. E. D. Fendall, Assistant Editor Christian Chronicle, Philadelphia. I have derived decided benefit from the use of Hoof laud’s German Bitters, and fed It my privilege to re commend them ns a most valuable tonic, to all who are suffering from general debility or from diseases arising from derangement of tho liver. Yours truly, IToofland’fl German Remedies arc counterfeited. 800 that the signature of rSrVn—JACKSON is on tho wrapper Ilka m of each bottle. ‘All others are coun IPa3 JK3 terfelt. Principal Oillco TSeßmmaffr and Manufactory at tho German Medicine Store, No. 631 AltOH Street. Philadelphia. CHARLES M. EVANS. German Druggist, Proprietor, Formerly O. M. Jackson A Co. For sale by all Druggists and Dealers In Medicines. Ac., Ac. Hoofland’s Q ermaa Bitters, per bottle ......... ,|1 00 u “ “ half dozen 6 00 Hoofland’s German Tonic, put up In quart bottles, 1 60 per bottle, or a half dozen for. 1 60 B3T Do not forget to examine well the article you bay, In ordcr to gel the genuine. Jan. o,lSCB.—ly ißrtacnl. * PHILADELPHIA, PA. DIGESTIVE ORGANS. should be used. DEBILITY, NOTICE. TESTIMONIALS. GEO. W. WOODWARD." Yours, very respectfully, J. H. KENNARD, Eighth, below Coates St. E. D. FENDALL. CAUTION. PRICES. A imiOHTI'K I>aV." nr william collkh riivant Harness the Impatient years. Oh, Time! and yoke them to the Impmia cur; For, through a mist of tours, The brighter day appears, Whose early blushes tings the hills afur, A brighter day for then, - Oh realm, whosi/glorious Helds are spread between The dark blue Midland Sea, And that Immensity Of Wetlorn Waters which once hailed the Queen ! The llery coursers lllng Their necks aloft, and snuff the morning wind. Till the licet moments bring The expected sigh to spring Along (he ir path and leave these glooms be hind. Voice them, and yield the reins To £i)iiin. mid lead her to the lofly sent; But, ore she mount., the chains, Who-ic cruel strength constrains Her limbs, must fall in fragments at her fee A tyrant brood have wound About her helpless limbs the steel braid. Ami toward profound They drug her gagged and bound, Down among dead men's bonus, ami frost and shade. Oh, Spain ! Thou wort, of yore, Tho wonder of tho realms; in prouder y ears Thy haughty forehead wore, What It shall never wear no more; The diadem ol both the hemispheres. To thou tho ancient Deep Revealed his pleasant, undiscovered lands; From mines whore Jewels sleep, Tilled plain and vino-clad steep, Earth’s richest spoil was offered to thy hands Vet, them, when land and sea, * .Sent thee their tribute with each rolling wave, And Kingdoms crouched to thee, Wer’t false to Liberty, And, therefore, art thou a shackled slave. & Wilt thou not, yet again, I’ut forth the sleeping .strength Hint in thee lies, And force that tyrant train To tleo before tho anger lu thine eyes ? Thou shall the harnessed years Swoop onward with thee to that gloriou; height Which oven now appears Bright through the mist of Lears, The dwelling place of Liberty and Light, UttecrfUitsoas* THE TRADESMAN’S DAUGHTER. lIY ANN a. STEPHENS. Kor hours Iho poor wile of tlici impris oned tradesman had remained in tho po sition which the overllowing of grief had left her in. As if one blow had turned her to stone, she sat bending forward with clasped lingers, and eyes distondedly fix ed on the door, through which her hus band had been dragged. No appearance of motion bespoke life, ex cept a very sligh twitching of the nerves, about the mouth, as the soft, troubled tones of consolation ever and anon reach ed her car from the lips of her daughter ; who, beautiful in youth and fortitude, knelt before her with Lears rolling from her dark eyes, and streaming down tho sweet lace raised imploringly to that of her mother. In vain had sheexhausted every endear ing epithet and term of consolation to arouse her from the lethargy of sorrow. Nothing would do. Overcome with her own sorrow and the sight of her forlorn parent, she let her young head fall into the lap of her mother, and gave vent to a burst of anguish terrible and touching iiijOiic so apparently helpless. For some time she rested exhausted up on her immovable mother, when, sud denly springing up, her whole frame quivering with eager hope, she exclaim ed : 1 Up, my dear mother, there is yet hope.” .Slowly tho despairing eyes of her moth er turned and rested their frozen beams on tho glowing face of the enthusiastic girl; her marble lips parted, and her voice seemed to.come from a far oil* vault: “ Hope, hope! and who speaks of hope thou, my fatherless one? Hope, no, the clutches of the tyrant are upon us; the'shadow is over us ; the wail of crack ing heart strings is iu my our, ami talk ye of hope. There is no hope—none.” Her features had remained fixed while she was. speaking, and, but that the eye moved, the voice might have seemed to have come from a marble statute, so deathlike and cold did it appear. It was tho first she had spoken—and Ruth, thinking reason was returning to its seat, answered eagerly : “ X)o not despair, dear mother, I have a thought, if you could only compose your self to listen. I ” But she broke off upon seeing that she spoke to cars that grief had made deaf to her voice. But the energy of the young girl sunk not, and she prepared to ac complish the project that Hashed across her mind in the depth of grief, as tho daz zling bow of heaven sometimes throws its belt of brilliancy over the earth, while the rain Is yet falling. Ruth wrapped herself in a largo cloak, and giving directions to a boy about six years old to watch his mother, left tho house. She wound through several close streets that led to a more retired part of the city, and soon stood on the step of what, by its closed shutters and rusty latch, appeared to be an uninhabited tradesman’s stall.. Her eager knock was unanswered —also a second, and a third. Impatiently she raised tho latch and entered what had been tho warcroom of a goldsmith’s’stall. Gases of rings, plate jewelry, and all the multlfarous articles that compose tho stock of a wealthy gold smith of those times, lay scattered about the room without regard to order, and covered with tho accumulated dust of months. The fever of excited hope ran too wildly in tho mind of Ruth to admit of more than a passing glance at tho ne glected wealth scattered about her. She passed quickly forward, but stopp ed suddenly; and her heart quailed within herwhen she th'oughtof the mag nitude and cruelty of the request she was about to make; and doubted whether, even to save thfe life of a father, she was doing righ't iu tearing open the wounded bosom of one whose feelings had been so much greater than those of death. Al most breathlessly she stood by tho open door, gaiziug upon the inmate of tho little room. Ho was a man of about thirty years, thin and pale almost unto ghastliness, yet there was something touchingly no ble in his’high, broad forehead, from which the black hair was combed and fell backwards over ills shoulders. At length, timidly and with sinking hones, Ruth ventured to claim his notice by advancing Into t-lie room;- rfc*'raised his head and a faint smile llittcd over his features on recognizing his iiioce. He motioned her to take a seat on a low stool by his side, and laid his hand caressingly on her hair hforo lie addressed her. At length, fixing ids eyes mournfully upon her face, he said, in a voice so clear and sad, that it fell soothingly upon the trou bled heart of poor Ruth ; "Ami what brings thee, my child, to tho lone home of thy uncle ? Has sorrow fallen upon thy young head, that thou seekest companionship with misery ?” “Alas, dear undo!" she replied, “you have guessed too light; I am in sore grief; for last night my poor father was dragged from our bcarthstono by a com pany of tho king’s men at arms, who ac cused him of treason.” “Treason! my brother John guilty of CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, JANUARY 23, 1868 treason? child, thou ravest.” “ Oh, would that I did rave, dear undo, if that could only make my talo untrue— would Unit I did rave. But it is till too real. I saw it—felt it,” sho continued, wringing her hands and weeping bitter ly. “ I saw thorn tear him from tlio ding ini' arms of my mother, who now sits at homo bemoaning, and boreftof reason ; I saw them strike with brutal violence my dear little brother Richard as ho clung to the knees of his father, and bogged pite ously that they would not drag him from ns. I heard their coarse jests upon my agony of grief. Unde, I do not rave— would that I did”—and she leaned her forehead on bis hand, bathing it with her tear*. “ Compose thyself, clear child ; nay, do not cry so; this matter may not be so bad as thou supposest; knowestthou on what this charge of treason is founded ?” “Yes; when I knelt and bogged of them to tell me of my father’s crime, they told me mockingly, uncle, mockingly, that it was for boasting that he would raise his son to the crown. I knew not what they meant then, but since have be thought me, that lie once said in one of his merry moods, that ho would make our Richard heir to the crown, moaning the sign which hangsoverour ware-room. Some person must have reported this to the king, and my poor father is condemn ed to death by the cruel Edward for a few words of pleasantry.” “Impossible, child, this cannot be the cause ; even Edward, base as be ia, would blush to put a man to death for an offense so trilling.” “■Nay/’she replied, “ but the king con- strued those words into a contempt for his title to the English crown, and there fore he condemns my poor father to the block.” Shore arose and traversed the* room in agitation ; then stopping before Kuth, he said: “Taken, tried, and condom nod, already, saidst thou, child—and at what time must he suffer ? M lluth clasped her hands over her eyes as'if to shut out the sad vision this ques tion presented, and in a choked voice re plied ; “On Friday morning, unless lie can be saved." “ Saved I is there any hope ol‘ this?" he naked. Only through you*—only through you, uncle; and It was for this I came; and tii in 1 «Jarctl Intvnipt your solitude.” Whore fixed hia melancholy «y<»- her iu inquiry, and silently waited for her to proceed. “ You, uncle, it is to you I come to ask my father's life and the life of your broth er. There is but one way, and would to God I could follow it alone ; bull cannot, and despair has urged mo to entreat you to join me now in petitioning one for Ids life, who the world says rules this King Edward, even- iu his most wayward moods; I mean ” “My wife? Vo dare not say it is my wife,” almost shrieked the unfortunate man, clutching her band, and as sudden ly relinquishing it as he fell into a chair, every limb, quivering with his fearful agitation, and the .big drops of perspira tion gathering upon his pale forehead. “ Uncle, dear uncle, forgive mo this cruelty,” said the terrified girl; “un happy that I am, thus to be forced to tear the heart of my kind uncle, or see my father on the scaffold.” She fell upon her knees by his hide while saying this, and attempted to take his hand, but ho gently resisted her ef fort, saying— “No, no, Ruth, ask me not to see her face—tohoar that voice ; 1 could not live, What I I, the father of her child, her only, her lawful husband, to ask her to smile upon the man who has made my home desolate, rcy child worse than motherless? No, Ruth, no,”—and ho sprang up and struck his clenched hand upon the table —“ not if it would save the life of all that ever drew blood from the same fountain.” “My dearest uncle,” replied Ruth, frightened ut ills vehemence, *'l did not ask all tills; but one lino only one line from yon, will do much more than pray ers from me. I only ask you to write, undo; surely you will do this for your own brother and tho father of your poor Ruth ?” “No more; I will—but do not torture mo with words.” For some time the unhappy man sat as if endeavoring to still the tumult of his frame. Then takingavial from his pock et, ho drank a part of its contents, and soon became calm enough to write;'hut his hand seemed to shrink from the vel lum, and it was long befbre he could bring himself to write tho first line ; hut when this was accomplished, he proceed ed rapidly, as one who fears his power to llniah a "task will fail. With a heavy hand ho placed his signature, and hand- ing the roll of vellum to Ruth motioned her to depart. Elegant and costly as the fashion of those times would permit, was the dwel ling King Edward had provided lor the object of his illicit love. All that wealth could purchase or power command, was lavished upon her person, and decorated her habitation ; but eacli day did she feel more sensibly the dlflerenco between the pure tenderness a husband feels for his virtuous wife, and the unholly attach ment expressed by the object of her pres ent choice. The glitter of wealth could not hide, even from the object of such a union as this, shameless iniquity. The tie was formed by the trampling of the most sa cred duties of life, and upon the crushing of the best feelings of the human heart. It was a bond of sin, and misery wa? its reward. Full and sparkling was the golden bowl the youthful monarch had offered to tho lips of his beautiful victim. She drank but bitter was the gall and wormwood she was condemned to drain alone to tho bot tom. Edward’s attachment for,her was still in its freshness. She had not yet been called upon to witness his hand tearaway the unholy liks that bound them togeth er ; to spend days amlnights in listening to Ins footsteps ; to hang on his eye for a glance of former kindness, and to li-ten and look in vain ; but her foreboding heart told her that this fate would inevita bly be hors; and a trembling dread of tho future poisoned the present. Whatever were the reflections of Jane,, they were interrupted by advancing foot steps. She listened with her graceful head bent slightly forward, ami her heart palpitating like a caught bird under her jewelled stomacher. Nearer came tho 'light footsteps and brilliant was the smile that Hashed like morning sunlight over each beautiful feature, dimpling the checks and lips into almost childlike sweetness, as she advanced to the door.— It opened and admitted not the expected royal lover, but a female shrouded in the ample folds of a large cloak, who advanc ed timidly and knelt at her feet as she stood surprised and disappointed. Jane’s natural benevolence promoted her toaets of kindness, and pitying the evident dis tress of the kneeling stranger, she stoop ed to raise her, exclaiming, “ Nay, mai den, kneel not to me ; I am not the one to receive tho homage of my fellows. If in aught my poor efforts can assist tho, aponU boldly; there la. no cause to, fear.” {■slowly the supplicant arose; and ex tending a roll of vellum; said, in alow, suppressed voice, “ This lady will inform you of my mission." Jane took the vellum, thinking itn pe- tition for her good otlicea with 'ho king, such ns she was In the habit of receiv- ing ; but before she opened it, she courte ously Jed the stranger to one of the tapes tried benches in the saloon. “ lies I here, my poor maiden, while I learn the eon tchtttof thisscroll, and if 1 can serve thee, fear not for the issue.” Thus saying, she withdrew to one of the arched windows and unrolled the vellum. It was scarcely open when with a smothered shriek, the lips, cheek and brow jw palo as marble, she sprang to the shrouded female and tore bftok the hood from a face scarcely less white than her own. “ RiUh my own Hnth, n aho exclaimed, clasping the poor girl widly to her huso and madly kissing her forehead, *• is i thou, so good ami pure, who hast come to mein my degradation? But that scroll—that scroll—with its blasting sig nature—whence came it, 1 say—speak quick Or my brain will hurst!” and with out waiting fur an answer she darlod forward to where the vellum had fallen, and again seizing it with trembling hands and compressed lips, ran over the con tents. When she came to the signature, a spasm of pain seemed to dart over her, she pressed the hand in which she grasp ed the vellum, heavily against her side, and stood for a few moments gasping for breath, and quivering in every joint with ‘suppressed agony. - almost exhausted witli the con tending emotions of the day, sal watch ing with palo cheek and heavy eye, the overpowering agitation of the aunt she once thought ho perfect. Jane at length advanced to her, and laying her linger on the vellum, said, in a Jow, hoarse voice that, as she- proceed ed, rose to the pitch of agony, “ This tells me there is a favor L can grant ask it —lake it, though It ho my heart strings, and in return bear this message to him ; tell him that if Jane Shore eon It I again Jay her hand upon his bosom, as it once rested in her heart's innocence, she would endure the torture of years —tell him she is more wretched with a mon arch at her feet, and the magnificence of a queen about her, than he eau be in the solitude of his desolate home, for ho has an approving conscience for a com pan ion ; but I—what have I but tlie consciousness of having scattered desolation and sorrow in the path of all I should have loved? Tell him [ feel that misery will follow mo for this; and now briefly tell mo thine errand, for 1 would be alone with this scroll and my conscience.” iiulh with many tearful interruptions, informed her of the imprisonmentof her father, and the pitiful slate of the parent. Then she wont on to describe her last distressing interview with her uncle.— Jane listened, and as her thoughts wen* carried back to the scenes of her innoeen happiness, by degrees the anguish of he: feelings softened Into a long and biltei lit of weeping. The certainty she felt 01 gaininga pardon for the brother of hoi injured husband, soothed down her tu- multuous sclf-upbraidiiigs; her beamifu features relaxed into their natural slate. »»»«* uui wiili her round white arm .brown carelessly around her niece when quick, light footsteps were heard in the passage. The door opened, and Edward IV., of England, entered the room. A slight start, as his eye foil on Ruth, was succeeded by ahrilHantstnito. Ho advanced, and with the giaeeful as surance of a man privileged to trample upon forms, separated the aunt and nioee and seated himself between them. “ So, my lovely dame, said he, address ing Jane, “you have found a compan ion in my absence; and by my faith, a pretty one too. I, who spurred my horse from the hunt till his sides were bloody, that I might not fail in my promised visit, feel now that I should have forced him to death, had I known I should have found you with such a companion.” As ho said this, his large blue eyes were fixed in careless admiration on the blushing Ruth, while his hand was fa miliarly turning the rings on Jane’s lin- gers. Jane answered with aamile, “ you return from the limit in a cheerful mood, my liege, and I am right glad to see it, and more especially that the maiden pleases your majesty, for she has a boon to crave of your royal clemency.” “A boon, say you—and whai favor can Edward deny a face like that? No by the mass, if our citizens always send such messengers, their king would soon win the title of Edward, the Merciful eay, and the bountiful, too, as our queen can witness.” The little hand, still in his, was drawn away as he mentioned queen ; but he again grasped itsomowliat impatiently, exclaiming with a laugh, “ Nay. Jane, no foolish jealousy—hut tell us what we can do to please this fair damsel; what won hist thou ask of us, maiden?” ‘‘Nothing less, my liege, than the life of a father who has fallen under youi majesty’s displeasure, fcaid Ruth, kneel ing before the king. “ liiso, maiden, rise—thy father -hah be forgiven, though treason w v his crime, if it were only for his rela.:ou-!iij> to a creature so beautiful as limn an.— Rut before wegranthis pardon, take thy seat again at our side, and tell u- iliy father’s name ami offence.” “ His crime,” said June, hastily inter rupting Ruth, who was about to answer. “ His crime, is having said, when in his wine, Unit lie would make his son heir to the crown.” “Ha! I remember ihe of the circum stance; a rash fool and a vain one—still, if he is thy father, damsel, we will order his release.” Ruth, who had been indulging in hope since the entranced' the king, now sprang up as if a load had been taken from her heart. In a burst of eloquent feeling she pouredforlh her gratitude In the king and then la Jane, and finished by entering permission lo depart imme diately with the joyful intelligence of her father’s freedom. “Nay, nay, my pretty one,—not so fast,” cried the king, “ we have now a fa vor to crave —one kiss from those bright lips in exchange, for thy father’s life.” Ruth shrank from the proffered salute, id Jane, seeing a cloud gathering over ho king’s brow, said gaily, my lord, you but now accused me of jeal ousy-my hand claims that kiss us an atonement.” “King’s lips never had fairer chal lange, or more willingly paid their hom age,” replied the gay monarch, gallantly raising her hand to his lips ; “ but what is this fair dame, that thy lingers lock in so lovingly?” and he took from her hand, the letter of her husband which *he .•-till unconsciously held. "Ha! what mcarts this?” lie ermd, springing up and stamping violently on the door. “ Speak, madam, and di>prove that Edward ofEngland was to have neon cheated into an act of kindness to the man he hates as much as tin; king ean hate menial —speak woman, I command y OU _oxplain this artifice.” Hut the ob ject of his wrath was incapable of an •sweriug. Exhausted by her former emo tions, ami terrified at his vehemence, she had fallen forward upon the floor. A string of gems that had fastened her hair under the flowing head-dress worn in that age, was torn off with the drapery, ami her hair, loosened ami deranged, fell in abundance from its conlinenient. Edward, in his passion, saw not her situation, foaming with rage paced the room with a heavy tread, trampling heedlessly upon the scattered jewels as they lay in his way ; but on coming so near tho object of his wrath as to get his spur entangled in the bright mass of brown hair that lay scattered in its beau ty over the floor, lie stopped in his hur ried walk and carefully disentangled his spurred feet, raised her in his arms and carried her to her couch. In doing so ho passed the frightened Ruth, who shrank back to avoid him, ami his anger look a new direction. “ Hegone,” he cried, in a voice of thunder, forgetting in his wrath it was a female he addressed, “ he- gone, I say, ami come not hither to mj\v discordant! mischief. Away,” he repeat- ed, turning furiously from the couch,” and speak not of what has parsed, or by my crown, thy father's head shall have company upon the scaffold.” Years passed by since the foregoing scene, when Hdward, while in the very prime of manhood, had boon called be fore tho bar of Him who judges the mon arch as rigorously as the beggar. Kieh ardj.the liuneh-baek, of murderous memo ry, with tho assassin's dagger had cut iis way to the crown; and in order to ustify, among other enormities, the leath of Lord Hastings, he condemned he unhappy June Shore to bo stripped if her possessions and cast into tho street to perish, forbidding nil, on pain of doutli, of rendering her sustenance or succor. Meanwhile, Hath had passed through much of suffering. Her char acter had been strengthened by allllc tion ; and as one tie after another that bound her to her fellow men was sever ed, s[ie hut applied herself more anxious ly to perform the duties lhat remained, 1 The sorrows that had clouded her life led her pure thoughts to that after state of) bliss where she looked forward to join those Hint the hand of tyranny had torn from her. Jler mother had never recov ered from the slate of torpid sorrow which we described in the beginning of our story. Soon after the execution of her husband, she too, died uncon scious of the event. The little hoy soon followed; and Huth, except her 'Uncle .Shore, was left alone to struggle with a world she had so much cause to fear.— She took up her residence with that kind uncle, and by degrees won him to some*, thing like cheerfulness. s Until was one morning drawn to the door by the noisn of so many feet upon the pavement. Surprise and pit v kept her t here on seeing a miserable female in irontof their dwelling whom the brutal eoward were urging forward, notwith standing her utter exhaustion. On see ing Until she feebly approached tiio slops, and in a voice of misery entreated for one piece of bread. The generous girl turned to grant her request, notwilh' Manding some one called from the crowd to inform, her that death would he the consequence. In passing through the wareroom to procure the bread, Ruth met her uncle. He, too, had hcfml that video of entreaty, and thought as yet ig norant of the barbarous cruelty of the tyranl, he had instantly recognized in tlic hollow sounds notes that had fallen sweetly upon his oar in happier times.— \\ iidiy he rushed to the pavement, and there in all her misery, for the first time since her disgrace, the hnshand and wife mot. When Ruth returned with bread for tlie wretched woman, she was a corpse in the arms of her husband. COBCRV O'L.lXrfl’EfmTLE, 1:1,1 Cl * " ««<« lo Hear IHeUrni.— How rltMl lo CotToeUolH. and BlowTliot •• ‘W* ««»*<•—.l CmapalKii on the SlUcnvulL.. OoiO.v 4 [.illlcOniuo. I am a victim of the Dickens mania. As soon as Mrs, O’Janus heard that Dickens was going l t<> i-whJ /n ./Brooklyn she said she must go and hoar him, and 1 had better secure front seats. 1 tried to reason with her, culled her attention to the views of our intelligent critic, who said that Dickens could not read worth a cent, and that Mrs. Velver ton, John Cooney, Teddy O’Rourke, or any other man could read bettor than Dickons. This failed to move her. She said she didn’t believe all that some meii wrote for the J2u(/lc. (N. I?.—Mrs. O’Can us is .sometimes all t lle persona 1 .) As she had made up her mind lo hear Dickens, there was of course no getting out of it. I ascertained at the earliest possible moment that Plymouth Church had been leased for four nights, and that the sale of tickets would open on Thursday mor ning at eight o’clock. Knowing there would be a rush for tickets 1 was determined lo be on hand in time. Taking an allectionate leave of my family, I loft home after breakfast on Monday morning, and arrived at Ply mouth Church at thiray-live minutes past eight. When I got there 1 found there were only sixty-two persons ahead of me. Some of thorn hail been there since Christmas, and were quite domesticated. 1 secured a seat on a hydrant, and felt quite comfortable. Mrs. U’Lanus had engaged to semi my meals regularly, and a change of linen, and, having provided myself with an umberella and a bottle of Rourbon, I was prepared for any change of weather. The first day passed off serenely, eve rybody in the best of spirits. At night it began to be rather uncom fortable. Tried (o sleep in the umbrel la, but couldn’t make it go. Tuesday things began Lo look cheerful, several hundred people joined our ranks, and the lino reached to Atlantic street. bids for places in the line became live ly. An old gent with Dickens on the brain offered me seven hundred and fifty dollars for my place; Wouldn’t look at it, of course. Took my meals on tlie hydrant, and got a <mall hoy to run up to Grogan's for another “ original package.” Got through Tuesday all right.- Thought 1 would have a comfortable night ; hired a Hour barrel from the cor ner grocery and tried the Diogenes style. Diving in a tub may have aimed with Diogenes, but for my part I prefer mod ern apartments. I was spilt out about two oclock by a festive party who wore declaring their intention of not going home till morning. Just before I got up, I had a narrow es cape of being shot into an ash cart by a vigilant street contractor, who thought I was an ash barrel. Then a policeman came along ami threatened to arrest mo for obstructing ‘ the sidewalk with my lodgings. Regan to fool discouraged until my breakfast arrived. Mrs, Olanu.s had al so sent me a clean collar ami a chage of socks, after which I felt quite* refreshed. 'i'he Hue began lo fill out ; it now ex tended along Henry to Atlantic, and up Atlantic to Eiatbush avenue. Things began to get exciting. Was olfered three thousand dollars for my place in the line. No go. Nobody would sell out; chances like ours wore too precious. The man nextto me wasa tieketagont; he said he had twosonsand a nephew in the line to buy tickets. He expected to realize enough on this venture to retire on, and he confided in me Ids intention:, of vesting part of his profile in a farm on Hong Island, which ho had already selec ted. “Nay, nay, Thmsdny night the exclt.-meot was too great for sleep. Had to “p awake to look out for fellows trying I >cdee:a elan desiine lodgment in our lin-;. Thursday morning the line extended through Klatlmsh avenue to the Luna tic Asylum. Excitement intense. Entire police force ordered out, t lie Fin* Department and military notified to bo in readiness. At last the hour came, the door was opened and a shout of joy ran through the line. (JradiuUly wo died up to the box office, and, ut last my turn came. 'Flu* momentous moment hail arrived when Mrs. O'Lanus’ cherished hopes were to be realized. I walked, smiling, nodded patronizing ly to a HritUh looking chap who stood by, and tipped Dillelt a confidential wink. “ Let me have two seats,'” said f. “ For the course,” said (iittett. “Well, no; just once, 1 think, will satisfy Mrs. O'Lanns.” “My deah sir,” said the Lritisher, “ ytm.’aw, wealiy don’t know our wules. Mr. Dickens is, aw, a wery uncommon person, and we can’t, you know wctail him. We don't make anything less than a full set, of, aw, four tickets. ]Jet lah take four, sir. Four leadings have been presewibbed as a full dose by emi nent aw, physicians, anything less," you know, is injurious to the health.” ClillcU having explained to me that if F wanted (o hear Dickens unco, I must buy tickets for all lour readings, whether I could uso them or not. I told him to produce a double set. “ Whine would vou lik<* the scats?” said C. “Somewhere in tho middle row of the lews,” said 1. “ Mrs. O’Lauus prefer.- a nil view.” “Middle rows arc all re-erved for the rustee.s of the church,” .-aid (>. “Can iccommodate you anywheie else.” “ Well, give mo the he.-t seats you have ■ut on the right aisle,” said I. “ Very sorry,” responded the accomo latlng G., “ but right aisle Is entirely re- VOL. 54.—N0. 32, served for friends of ]\fr. Ueocher M “Try the left, thou,” said I. “The left inis been kept for the Dcj cons. 11 (,omo, now, that is nutting U Hither too fat, ’ said E, getting a trifle warm.— How is the gallery ?” “ The gallery has been reserved for the premium pew-holders.’’ “ Look hero, young man,” said I, get ting a little excited, “this is a little too steep an arrangement. Do you mean to sny that ail the seats in the house are re served.” ” Not at all; we have been sellingfceats around the organ all the morning, and | there are just two left, which you can have; one is on the key A flat, the other on the handle of the bellows; I am sorry they are not both together, but it is the best we can do now.’’ “ 1 hank you,” said I, “you area very accomodating young man. I am not very particular where I sit, myself, but I don’t think! Mrs. O’Lunus would like to occupy a position on A flat, or on (ho handle ol the bellows, ami you may go (o the Dickons before I will pay sixteen dol bvrs lor any such nrrvngevncut. 11 Indignantly I retired, and reported to Mrs. O’Latins how her hopes had been blasted. She look it variously. % First she was indignant—called Dolby names, and said Dickens was no belter lor keeping such a man as Dolby. Then she thought it might he Deecher’sdoim^. It was then my fault for not taking up niy position at the church on Saturday night, instead of waiting till Monday morning. At last grief overcame her anger, she dissolved in tears and declared it was always the way when she had set her innjd on anything, she was sure to bo disappointed. I couldn’t stand this, I wont. directly oil to Lucas. He had a trunk full of tickets. So had half-a-dozen other agents. I hnmd out who the Trustees, Deacons, &e., were. Dolby seems to have been acquainted with them also.. (doing to IMymouth Church was a waste ol time. E secured two good seats in the gallery at six hundred and fifty dollars, and dried Mrs. O’Lanas’ tears. Great Is Dickens, and Dolby is his prophet. And Dickens is Dolby’s jiroliL Voura w/Cfi a bad cold and n loach of the rheumatism. Counv O’Lani-s — Jh'ookli/n J.'Ja(/lc. VXIO.V t'Atll’K' U.VII.WAY (joneml Palmer, Treasurer of the I’ nion Pacific Kailroad, Kansas branch, now in charge of the surveys on the noth and noth parallels, through New Mexico, Ar izona anil California, writes to headquar ters at SI. Louis, under date of Port Mo have, Arizona, December 2-S, that he has a good line to the Colorado river below the head of navigation, at an excellent bridging point south of Fort Mohave, about 1,370 miles from Kansas City, and SGO from San Francisco. The descent into the Colorado Valley, which was considered the most doubtful point in the whole route, within the maximum, and chielly within sixty foot grades. For two hundred miles, between Albuquerque and the Colorado river, the route lies through, or immediately adjacent to, extensive pine forests. The party has seen no snow, ex cept two thousand feet above our highest .summit. Our animals found goodgra zing all the way. There is no frost here yet, and the trees are still green, and there is no evidence as yet of winter. 1 am satisfied that, with the facilities af- forded by the Colorado river, by the mild climate, abundant timber and productive soil in this valley, the whole lino can be completed in four years. £•£(■> ■’Jlin iu a lienri I>rowno furnishes the Galaxy with some aphorism on wo men, which are evenly put, although their accuracy may he questioned. Wo .subjoin a few: Mon never love women whom they do not, and women never love men whom they do, understand, Tlie purest women are the most chari table to others, while those who have the most need of forgiveness forgive least in their sisters. Women, in the affairs of the heart, nev er learn anything by experience, and are entirely incapable of perceiving conse- quences. Yesterday is the dark ages with them, ami 10-morrow, an impossible Women desire to love, primarily, and •ii to lie loved; hence women idealize, d men analyze, the objects of their af • (i( ni. If a woman will not love you, make ier hale you, and she is half yours; for tale D 100 unnatural to her to last, and is Hist lebound is tenderness, and the • econd passion. Women like men who Halter them; iuit Jove those who despise them. Women become attached to men not for what men do for them, but what they do lor men—gratitude paves the way to their esteem, but selfishness opens the road to their Jove. “So gifted and so unhappy,” is the sweet, had strain that, soon or late, melts every woman’s heart. Tlie smallest tenderness outweighs with a woman the greatest sacrifice. She will forget the hero who would die in her behalf, for the more gallant who would give her caresses, ami nothing more. 4£uecr Employment, Wo heard a pretty good story the other day, where an honest-faced JJnosier went into a fancy stoic in Cincinnati, in hunt of a siuialion. The proprietor Was silting in the counting room, with hts fei^televa ted, contemplating life through the .soft ening influence of cigar smoke. Our Jloohier friend addressed him as fol lows: “Do you want to id re any man about your establishment ?” The clerk looked indiflerently, but see ing Ids customer, cone uded to have a little fun on I of him, so he answered very brisk ly , at the same time pulling out a huge ami costly hankerchief, and wiping Ids nose on it. “Vos, sir; what sort of a situation do you want ?” “Well, I’m not particular. I’m out of work and almost nay thing will do for mo fur a while.” “Yes, I can give you a situation, if it will suit you.” “What is It? What’s to bo done, and what do you give?” “Well, i waul a hand to chew rat:* into paper, and ii' .you are willing to set in,you may begin at diicc.” “Good as wheal! Hand over your rags. “Here, lake this handkerchief ami com mence willi it.” The Hoosier saw the “sell,” ami quiet ly pulling the handkerchief into his pock et, walked out remarking: “When i get it chewed, stranger, I'll fetch it back,” Ax luisir Va luxtjxk.—Oh, Paddy, swale Paddy, if I was ye're daddy, i’d kill ye wid kisses intirely ; if I was ye’re bruthorand likewiseyour''iniithor, I’d see lhatye wint to bed early. To feel ye're sweet breath I would starve me to death, ami lap oil'me hoops altogether ; to joosl have a taste of your arm round my wai/.t, I’d laugh at the meanest of weather. Gear Paddy, he mine, me own Valentino —ye’ll Und me both single and civil; our life we will spind to an illigant ind, and care may go dance wid de divil. Two Dutchmen lived close togeth er, and they Inal been fast friends, but liie k \ fell out and hated each other Jikciii tliaus. One of them got sick ami sent for his neighbor, saying: “Hans, 1 am going to die. will you forgive me, and be friends.” “ Ves, if you die, I will,” said Hans, “hut if you gets well again, der old grudge will stand good.” Hates for SUweftising advertisementswill bo mßtrtcd *tT«n c*nts per lino for tho first.lnsertion, and fiv* cants per lino for each subsequent Insertion. Quor* terlj*, half-yearly, and yearly odvertlaemeats In serted at a liberal reduction on the above rate*. Advertisement* should bo accompanied by the Cash. When sent without any length of time spceliled for publication, they will bo continued until ordered out and charged accordingly. JOB PRINTING. Cards, lUxcrnLLß, CntcoLAns, and every etb» cr description of Jon and Caud Printing ezeon tod In the neatest stylo, at low prices. ODDS AND ENDS. —Club exercise—n sbillelah fight. —Driving exercise—driving a pig, —To prepare for a box—take arsenic. —>S'(7e/; race—two fellows after one girl. —Falls that break no bones—falling in love. —Fencing exercise—making a worm fence. —A riding habit—not paying toll when you can avoid it. —To prevent fits—buy a coat of a sec ond-hand dealer. —To feel for the poor—feel in your pockets. , —Facts are stubborn things—so are Igs. —How to make your coat last—make your breeches first. —A drop too much—dropping into a collar hole. -Dumb-bell exercise—pulling a bell without a clapper. —A simple contract—making a foolish bargain. %— Wonder, if it ain’t less trouble to drive a naiJ, than a pig ? —A man with no visible means of sup port—a blind man. —Why are mountains like fugitives from justice? Because they slope. —When a beggar won’t ask alms of you, you’d bettor buy a now stilt. —A Quoit match —two uuolts precisely alike. —Money—a composition to take stains nit of character. —Wonder, if a pane in tho stomach •ver gets smashed i —When people run a pudding down , •u may be sure it’s good. —lf tho weather don’t suit you this onth, become a chimney-sweep, and m'ii bo sooted. —lf time is money, money can’t have much time, because it's on the go. . —A apooioiou of penmanship, A hog of 300 pounds weight. —When is a vessel at sea earthen ware? When it becomes a pitcher. —lf (lowers have a language, it is sup posed they talk with tu-lipa. To ascertain the wait of a going out train, go to the depot after starting time. —Wonder, if it’s dangerous to walk in the woods, when the trees are shooting f —lf the first stage of consumption is a coughing lit, wonder if the last stage ain’t a cojjin lit, too? —Mrs. Partington says that when she was young, “gals wore innocent, uncon ilscated creatures.” —A little girl happening to hear her mother speak of going into half-mourn ing, said; “ Why are we going into half mourning, ma, are any of our relations half dead?” —A big Jcw-lic —Moses telling you he loses “more ash a dollar on dat coat.” —A little girl being told that the King’s and her birth-day were on the same day, asked if the King and she were twins. —What is the difference between a muffled drum and a bar-room bummer? One’s beat is for the dead, and the other's a dcad-bcai. —Mrs. Partington 'asks, very indig nantly, if the biffs before Parliament are not counterfeit, why there should bo so much difficulty in passing them. —The girl tliat wanted to kiss him for his mother, concludedaftorshogota taste, dmt she would go it on her own account leroaftor. —The first day a little boy went to school the teacher asked him if ho could spell. “Yes sir.” “ Well, how do you spell boy ? M “ Oh, just as other folks do.” —An insurance company heads Its ad vertisements thus: “Best lives taken at low rates.” —The wretched man who had “no one to love—no one to caress,” was sent for shortly after by an old maid. He is now convalescent. —When people are sworn In a Court of justice they kiss the ontsido of the book, doubtless because they consider an oath a “ binding” matter. The chap that sung, “ Oh, I should like to marry,” dually got married,and is reported as having fully recovered. Ho says he would be perfectly indifferent about it now if he was only single. —The Post thus embodies Bonner and is newly purchased horse Dexter: ifty thousand for Dexter!" n cavalier cries, Excuse mo—let peoplu bcllovo It who can.” 'is nothing surprising,” a crony replies, Kor Hornier whs always a Dextor-ous man !" A cynical old bachelor who firmly be- Moves that all women hayo something to say on all subjects, recently asked a fe male friend: “Well, madam, what do you hold on this question of female suf frage?” To him the lady responded calmly : “ Sir, I hold my tongue.” —An old picture represents a king sit ting in state, with a label “ I govern all” a bishop with a legaud, “ I pray for all” —a soldier with a motto, “ I light for all” and a farmer drawing forth reluctantly a purse, with the inscription, “ I pay for all.” icre Is more truth than poetry in the —lt were not difficult nor altogether unpleasant to solve such chess-problems as this. (Two pieces on the board ; John to move and mate in two moves): ohn moves ills arm round Julia’s neck; ho moves line s«itmrc and whispers ** Chock!” [e, uotlilng daunted, moves right straight ps lu hors, and calls out ” Mato!” —A young lady in company'With a right reverend prelate consented, after a long ami coy resistance, to be led to the piano. When she sang, it was so badly that, as she finished, no one was found heroism to express to the fair executant the collective thanks of the auditors. In tin's strait his lordship rose nml crossing the room, said, with his sweetest smile: “Thank you, Miss very particularly. Another time when vou say you can’tslng, we shall all know how to believe you.” —A lawyer m something of a, carpen ter. He can file a bill, split a b‘<ur, make an entry, get up a case, frame an indict ment, impanel a jury, put them in a box, mill a witness, hammer n judge, boro a court, ami other like things. —Music schools are great institu tions. Mr. Jiggers, known in public as Signor Jiggers, got hold of a pupil last week who was one horse and a hitch strap abend of him. “ What is the voice ?” asked Jiggers. The compound extract of wind.” What is muaio : M “ All atmospheric hanking institution which never redeems the notes It issues." “ What are wind instraineuts?" "Great blowers.” “ Name a few of them ?" “Well, bugles, sensation preachers, trombones, politicians, French horns, Gothamites, porpoises, .. Englishmen, clarionets and daily papers." “ What are musical bars for?" "To make a division of measures. At some bars three fingers are counted as a fair measure for a horn." Jiggers put the new pupil down as a sharp, who could B flat under any cir cumstances. —There is nothing purer than honey— nothing sweeter than charity—nothing wanner than love—nothing more rich than wisdom.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers