“Just For a Joke, A hopelessly rainy day. A day with gray clouds spread hike a well over the sky, streams of water dropping down the eaves, rotes beaten to the very iound, and birds hiding away in the thickets, until the welceme sun should once again disperse the mist and tempest. But after all, it was not shores of o'd Long Island. There were great awry, low-celled rooms opening into one another——there were deep window shutting the occupants off fiom the rest of the world—there were odd little three- books and portfolios full of pictures and graphoscopes with foreign better than all, thete was a huge biood- trunks, boxes of ties—to0 that when lLalias Brown an antique wedding dress and veil of wristed gloves buttoned with tiny knobs of discolcred pearl, surprised. “What a child!” esid Mre. Brewster, “It 18 Grandma Gillender’'s wedding dress ” ssid Joeie Brown, with a yawn, 7 tried it on once, but 1 couldn't button it around mel” “Where on, earth asked Miss Lawrence. ‘‘Not at all unbecoming.” said young Dr. Lagard, with bright observant eyes. “Bul where 18 the groom?” demanded saucy Josie. “Allow me to officiate,” sald Dr. Layard, sprinzing lightly to lus feet and taking his position beside the pretty little apparition in white sat'n and creamy lace, Harry Lawrence at once struck an att- tude in front of the pair did you find iti” the drawl of good old snufl.taking Dr. to be your husband?” “Not to spoil u joke—yes!" “Augustine!” shouted Hsrry, ‘do you take Lalas for your wedded wife, “Of course | do,” said Dr. Layard, “and a very pretty hittle wife she 18 1n that long- waisted gown and frill of lace.” “Children!” cried Mrs. Brewster, oldest ¢f the party, although she had yet attained the matronly age of eight and- twenty, “what are you about?" ““Ouoly having a iittle fun,” “Now, please, Mary, don’t scold.” **But you are trifling with far too ser ous things,” smd Mrs, Brewster—and Miss her white eyelashes at she young pair. *] dare say you think it a very good joke,” ssid she, ‘but I was at Newport once, when there was a charade, or a tableau, or something of the sort, and two young people weat through the mar- riage service,—and Jo and behold. then they were married hard and fast, and But Lalias Brown stayed to listen to potbing more. With a little shriek of dismay she tore off the wedding veil and flew away up stairs to bide herself in the old garret, where the rain pattered on the shingled roof overhead, and the faint scent of sandal-wood aod dried rose leaves floated out of the trunks and boxes which she had just been rifling, *‘Married] married!” she repeated herself. “But it’s all be nonsensel earth would bear out such a piece of bur- leaque as that.” Vhile Augustine Layard smiling quietly at the uproar and turmoil which sur. rounded hum, Yook a book and established himself comfortably in the hammock on ine south veranda, where the tempest of rain beal around him in all directions to nonsense-——it must prostrate roses filled his nostrils with every gust of wind. But little Mrs. the evening train were heard grating on the gravel, she rushed to meet her hus- band, a thriving young New York lawyer. “Tom,” said she, **waill the hall just yet. | something!’ “Can't 1 even tske off my overcoati” he asked, laughing st her pretty eagerness. *“Tom,” she uttered, breathlessly, “‘is ten! Do listen!” “My deai, 1 am all attention!" “If a girl says she will take a man for her husband --and be says he will take her for his wife—0u" *“Batore witnesses?” “Yes, before witnesses—is it a real mar. riage, Tom? Oh, do answer me quickly!” **As real a marriage as if all the churches and parsons in America had signed and sealed it,” said Mr, Brewster, “And now let me come in, Puss, for the air 1s damp, and the shine ot yonder wood-fire on the hearth 18 not without its attractions. Without lingering to question more, Mrs. Brewster fled up stairs to the old garret, where Liliss Brown was still erouching among the old trunks and boxes. “It’s just ss I told vou, Lily,” smd she. ‘You are married!” Lilias’ large bine eyes shoue like stars from the backeround of ber pallid face. “Bat | won't be marned!” smd she. Dr. Inyard was in the great sitting. room when she came shyly down, her eyes swollen with erying, her fair cheeks flushed. “Come and sit by me, Mus Brown,” he said, with a smile, #8 be made roow for her on the sofa at hus side. “1 won't,” she flashed out. **You have no authority over me. lI am going away to-morrow!” He looked hard at her, ou ros ning away from me, Teron” at or “l sm ruomng awey from my own folly,” she answered, in a choked voice. “You need not run away from either one or the other,” said ne “yl will leave Secliopshell Farm myself to- morrow morning. If you cannot be satis fled with my ro'emn assertion that 1 attach as little cors quence as yourself to our une considered practical joke, I assure you would vever, under any circumstances, accept an unwilling bride.” Lalias made no answer; she only looked at hum with solemn, frightened eyes; and, true to hus word, Dr. Layard left the Farm the next day. “There's an end of the matter,” mid Mrs. Brewster, with an air of sereve mat ronly authority, ‘and now Liliss, take yurniak by he fright you have had, and don’t in any more such escapades.” will,” | Dut to ber infinite amazement and per- | plexity, Lihas Brown was not half as | happy as she thought she should be when was removed, smile, his quiet, reassuring ways, his con stant thoughtfulness. waves had lost their charm--the murmur of the pine thickets no longer filled the air | with musio—in fact, Lilias was wretched, {and she did not dare to ask herself the | reason why. talking to his wife in the little oak parlor, { while eghe lay spiritless and sad in the hammock where the perfumed honey- suckle sprays almost touched ber cheek. “You eaw Dr, Layard?” smd Mrs. | Brewster's bnsk, questioning voice. “How did he look! What did he say?” *‘He looks like a ghost,” answered the young lawyer. *‘And he says he has never known a happy minute since he jeft | beollopshell Farm.” “Goodness me!” said Mrs. Brewster. “The fact 18,” proceeded her husband, | “he loves your little friend Liiias Brown to distraction, —and he was just beginning to fancy that she might perhaps be per. suaded to return his devotion, when that unlucky mock-mgrriage—or real marrage, whichever you ITke to call it—destroyed his chances for gocd and all. And so he is wretched. And after all I dont see that he was 1u any degree to blame.” “But did it destroy his chancesi” said Mrs. Brewster, reflectively. “You don't think it possible that she cares for ham?" cried the lawyer, “1 shouldn't be surprised if she did—a little!” confessed the wife. “If be thought so, he would come here at once,” sald Mr. Brewster, eagerly. ilies succeeding one another on her cheek, { but at this she rose and came to the win- | dow, leaning over the ledge like a pretty | picture in 11s frame. And as for Dr, Layard “Welll” questioned the lawyer, half fusion. “Teil him to comel™ And then lLaline disappeared amoog the | vines like a frightened chald. | 85 Dr. Layard? came back—and ola Dr. | were marred over a second time i “So you realiy .wved me sll the time, | said Augustine, tenderly looking into his | bride's eyes. “Bat 1 duln’t know It 5 | head. se Hed Jacket's Model Hatchet, One little anecdote of Red Jacket re- lated by Judge Sheldon at the meeting | of the committee of the Historical So- | ciety yesterday will be found interest. ing: ‘“There was once,” said the Judge, | “a blacksmiths shop on the corer | by a man named Reese. He was a very {fine workman, & real artist in lus line. | One day Red Jacket came nto the shop | speak English, you know, Well, wanted a rew hatchet { made. They had some talk, but Reese {for ham, and told lum to come in two i weeks for ib | Red Jacket came for hus hatchet, {was a fine piece of workmanship, too. ! He went off, but retarned ina d Ay Or | two with the hatchet, i him. Ot course Reese was mad, but | he told Bed Jacket if he would make a | model out of maple wood of just such a iit for bia, Bo Bed Jucket made his mxiel sud brought 1t to Reese, who told him to come alter it in a week, preter, as usual, shop when Red Jacket came in, Reese { handed him the hatchet, Red Jacket looked it all over, flung it across the room, grunted ‘Ugh,’ and went off mad i as thunder. He had forgotten to make an eye in his model, and Breese made the hatchet without au eye, ’ CA Isms The Folly of Fear. A great deal of talent is lost in the world for the want of a little courage, ber of obscure men who have only re- mained in obscurity because their tim. idity has prevented them from making a first effort, and who, if they could have been induced to begin, would in all probability have gone great lengths in the career of fame. The facts, that to do anything in this world worth do- ing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can, lt will not do to be perpetually calculating risks and ad- justiag nice chances, It did very well before tue flood, when a man could con- sult his friends upon an intended pub- lication for a hundred and fifty years, and then live to see its success after- ward, But at present a man waits, and doubts, snd consults bis brother and his friends, till one fine day he bo is 80 years of age; then he has lost so much time in consulting his first cousins and friends that he has no more time to follow their ad- vice rise JawnrLuy may be nicely cleaned by dipping in bot water and polish- ing with a htle white powder and a prece of chamois, A cameo should be scrubbed with a fine tooth brash aud a little powder, II ns ss Roast ham is a noted Pennsylvania dish; 18 is rossted the same as beef, only being less juicy it requires =» i te tn Sere cut m thin » a wn gravy made of beef stock and brown flour, removed from SCIENTIFIC, 1 | Cleaning Frngravings,—The following | directions for cleaning engravings we { find in several exchanges, all claiming it as origi al. If brown spots and rings of mildew have made their appear- { ance, float the engravings face down- ward for twenty-four hours on a large | quantity of water, in a vessel perfectly free from grease and soil of all kinds, Lift it froma the water on a perfectly clean sheet of glass, drain, transfer to | blotting-paper without touching it, then transfer to fresh blotting-paper, dry, { rub witn bread, as is done in drawings, { und iron, If the stains are bad, or are | water over them until perfectly soaked, place It with a soluticn of chloride of lie (1 part liq. caleis chlorate to 89 parts water), As a rule the stains dis- appear as if by magic, If not, pour on the spot pure liq. caleis chlorate ; if that does not succeed, add a little acid nitro hydro-chlor, dil. As soon as the stain disappears, wash the engraving carefully with suncoessive portions of water until all the chlorine is removed. Then steep it in a weak solution of gine { and gelatice, which may be colored with coffee grounds, to give the engraving a yellow color. iron and the print. Bmall grease spots French chalk over them, a piece a hot iron over that, If the around the touching the stain itself {it in a circle sain co - ted machine of the ordinary pattern with the treadles and driving gear re- moved. form. The armature spindle carries a | spindle of twelve teeth, gearing into | speeded down 20 to 1. The battery, ! composed Faure, Sellon-Volkman | cells, cecanionally, and sometimes of a combination the two devices, is of of { wheo fully charged containg a store of electrical energy equal to two-horse ss ———— In order to n- applied ; and, secondly, to avoid risk, it is better to begin cutting by taking off small pieces at the corners and slong the edges, and so reduce the | shape gradually to that required. When the operation on well the glass breaks away from the scissors in vimall pieces in a straight line with the blades, The two lunts given above, if strictly followed, will always insure BUCOCAA, ROOK Mr, C, CG. HHockwood has just ex- haustively treated the Ischian earth quake of July 28, 1883. He arrives at the conclusion that this disturbavoe slong an old voleanie flssure running | roughly north and south, and extending radially under the northern slope of | rapture must be referred to the resida- al voleanie sctivity whish Ischia shares with the adjacent maialafid, rather than {to any loeal subsidence, as | suggested by Prof. Palmieri, a of the substance which caused the stain. lu absence knowledge on this point, we quote a Iytechnic journal: Make a mixture of equal parts of linseed oil, alcohol and turpentine, slightly moisten a rag with it snd rub the spots until they disap- pesr, | dinary blottmg-paper, together and applying a fresh coat, i : i Lhysicieds have lately been trving to determine by expermoent whether the ted either by the evaporation of water or by the condensation of vapor, Free- is produced by the evaporation of pure apparatus that condensation of vapor or tke for- mation of hail is a source of atmospher- ic electricity. The Scientific American describes the method by which the great cables of the Pittsburg (Pa.) suspension bridge wore repaired, When a delective piece of wire was found it was cut ont out and a new piece of wire nicel spliced in #0 as to bear the strain it ought to sustain, and no more, When the wires were renewed the whole was coated with linseed oil and then with louine, “ i ¥ ¥ 2 F i AGHRIOULIURE, essen gp— ~ AursiovaH every possible precaution is sometimes taken to make the sitting Len as comfortable as possible, the eggs often fail to hatch, The difficulties are of a character that cannot be discovered but much depends on the conditions re- garding the management of the laying hens, If a hen is very fat she will lay but few eggs, and the eggs from such a hen will often fail to hatch, When cocks are allowed to range with too many hens the vitality ot the chicks is lessened, and they die in the shell Fowls that are fed nader a forcing pro- | cess produce weak offspring, and those { that have been bred in-and-in are not to | be relied upon to give good hatches or | produce healthy chicks, The hen thai | steals her nest is generally successful, i but why this is so has been a puzzle, | not only to the farmers but to scientific | men as well. One thing we know is | that her eggs are never disturbed, and they are surrounded only by the pure | and nneontaminated atmosphere, | When we place eggs under a ken we | know vothing of them, us a rule, and if | they contain fertile germs it is only a { matter of guess with us in selecting the | best, but the hidden hen's eggs are al- | ways impregnated. The nests should be secluded, and in a place which will | be secure from the approach or intru- sion of man or fowl, with the surround- ings free from all impurites or odors, | and every convenience afforded in the We | handle eggs too freely, approach the | way of dusting, food ana water, | nest too oflen; and disturb the sitting | hen when she should be easy and quiet, There are birds that abandon nests alter the eggs have been disturbed, and | thie may partly, teach us to place the sitting hen alone by herself, with' free- dom of action, the eggs being from good | strong hens, of which only a, few have | been mated with a vigorous cock, Avoid | sitting hens if they are nervous and Such hens are never | careful aud break their eggs, as well g¢ | quarrelsome, | tramping the young chicks to death, A medinm sized ben 18 the best, and of different breeds the Brahmas aod Cochius are the most persistent sitters, Fanuzrs should not forget that the bran and otl er coarse feed made {rom wheat are richer in elements of plant | food than the whole grain, and, of aourse, feeding them makes a richer i manure, A ton of wheat brau is worth | §14 09 for manure, while a ton of corn meal is only worth $6.65, These figures are based on the cost of nitrogen, phos- phorie acid and potash in their commer cial forms, and represent the compara- tive valine of feed, It is probably true that at the present price of wheat-bran farmers can purchase it to feed and make mapure more cheaply than they can otherwise obtain it. In most mar- kets the coarse bran is how selling at | 815 to $18 per ton, and alter feeding its | maparia value will be greater because it will be more available, Ix former times it was generrlly held as good doctrine that fast-growing trees produced wood of but little yalue, In this country, however, at the present day, there are mavy cases showing the rule will not hold good. Ii is true that “*soft woods ’ are usually of a rapid growth, On the other hand, ash, hick- ory, bird cherry and many similar trees not at all slow in growin produce the best of timber, I the case of the oa- talps, a tree that grows rapidly and hes quite pithy wood when young, it | has been shown that the wood is of a very durable natare, and used as posts in the ground, or for purposes above ground, it will outlast the wood of many | BlOW-growing trees. Eooxomiear feeding is an important factor in stock breeding. In regard to | grinding grain for feeding, it bas been ishown in eyery case in which a test has been made that meal is worth about The same is trae, too, of hay, of which fii- i teen pounds ent into chaff and fed with meal are equal to twenty pounds fed in | its natural condition, Linseed meal (ground oil cake) is an excellent food for stock when fed with grain and rough feed. | one-third more than whole grain, | A rraoricarn farmer who burns both ! coal and wood 1n different stoves makes a practice of mixing the ashes and ap- | piying all on his yonng orchards in the sprivg. He believes that the potash of the wood ashes is effective in small quantities, and that its addition to the coal ashes makes the later much more absorptive of ammonia or nitric acid | from the atmosphere, At any rate, he | finds good results from the mixture, and bis young orchard is nousually thrifty and productive, Cuvosrom of lime, when used on the manure heap, not only disanfeets it but is an advantage in arresting the escape of ammonia, When mixed with plenty of dry dirt, and thoroughly mingled with the materials of the compost heap, it is invaluable. 'T'he materials, how- ever, should be kept under cover. Ohlo- rine gas is easily liberated from chloride of lime ; and as he gas will not remain uneombined it readily sols upon organic and mineral matter, not o * the volatile substances bu Tux newest thing in cheese making is a factory in Vermont, which makes both butter and cheese. The cream is od from the milk and churned leaving sweet buttermilk the vat of skimmed milk en made into cheese DOMESTIC, Fon painting on porcelain and tiles, the designs will he perfect if Lacroix’s vitrifiable colors are used; they come in tubes and are Chinese and perma- nent whites, ivory and raven biacks, Hight pearl, neutral, and warm grays, light and deep earmine, crimson lske, capucine red, carnation deep (flesh), carnation light (flesh also), red lake, and orange red; the purples are g¢rim- son deep and rubby, deep violet, also violet of gold and iron, There are seven different shades of blue, Victoria, dark and light, sky blue, deep uitra marine, and deep blue, and blue No, 29. There are eleven shades of green— grass, brown dark, tea, deep blue green, chrome, deep chrome, emerald, apple, very derk green and sap green. There are eight different shades of brown—brown Nos, 8 and 4, light and deep brown, yellow, red, and sepia brown, and brown No, 108, Yellows silver yellow, ivory and dark ochre, yellow for mixing, jonquil and orange yellow—the relief and flux tones, For grounds there are twenty-four colors-— celestial, Indian, marine and tarquoisa blues; lavender, red-—brown, chamois, carmelite, celadon, light coffee, steel and turtle-dove grays, Isabella, maize, Chinese yellow, salmon, coral, pom pa~ dour pink, fusible lilac, mauve, copper, water green, and chrominm and grou nd greeus, I em ———— Bonoon Keeping the books clean, Books should be used but not sbased, Every new book that is purchased by the pupils should be substantially eov- ered. The teacher ought to show the pupils how to eover thesr own books, The teacher may wnile the pupil's name in & blank leaf, with date and residence, and then forbid any other | writing therein, The blank leaves of school books are pot autograph slbums, for Barah Ann, Susan Jane, or James Heuory te write loving verses of friend. | ship 10, und the pupils should so learn, { Do not permit them to write all through | their books or draw carieatures, eto, { in them, When such things are found, | have them erased, Tell the children { that you shall lock for it, and what | will be the consequence if anything of | the kuud is found in their books. There is | still another habit that shoula be brok- en up in school, that of ‘‘spitting®n slates,” and rubbing it with the hand. Excessive expectoration is Lurtiul to good digestion, and the habit of | removing the work from the slate in this mauner 1s too filthy to be iully considered by one with a weak stom. ach, Itis nauseating. If the pupils cannot procure slate sponges, then get cloths aud keep them wet in water for that purpose, —— Laver Cae yor Cream, JELLY, ETC —cant half-cup of butter, two cups of | powdered sugar, four eggs, three cups i of flour, hall-cap of milk, two teaspoon. { fuls of baking powder. Rab the but | ter and sogar to & cream, stir into the unbeaten yolks of CEES, antil hight, add one cup of the flour, into which the baking powder must have been mixed; stir smooth, put in the milk, then the rest of the flour, and finally the whites of the eggs, beat- en to a froth, Bake in jelly panos, loess the Ax easy and excellent icing for cake can be made by mixing ose cup of sugar with a half cup of cold water and boiling it sbout five minutes, unt it begins to string, as for candy Jeat the white of an egg to a froth ana slowly pour on it the bot mixtu.e and beat until quite cold. Bpread the mix- tare on the cake and sel away to hard- en, To make this especially festive for Christmas cake it can be well covered with candies or fruit, Guares Uxozr Cover —A pretty and easy decoratiye dish may be made of white grapes and gelatine by choosing a bunch of grapes and tying a five thread to each end, put it in the jelly mold, Pour in the jelly, made with lemons or white wine, and when the mold is full pull up the grapes until you get them into the proper position, then secure it by weghts and leave until you are r ¥ to serve it, To Tam A Tamir Boany.— A some- what novel way to trim a tablescarfl is to put three-cornered pieces of silk or satin on each end. Have these picces half a yard deep at the longest side, in the corner embroider a spray of lowers; where the satin or silk end joins the center part of the scarf puta row of fanoy stitches. A dark crimson felt- scarf with one end light blue, the other of crimson shaded to brown, is very handsome, To Creax Mimmons, ~The best way to clean mirrors, the glass of pictures, ete, is to take a soit sponge, wash it well in clean water and squeeze it at dry as possible; dip it in some spirits of wine and rub over the glass; thes have some powdered blue tied up in a rag, dust it over your glass and rub in bily aud quickly with a soft cloth; 30d. finish with a silk handker- ehiel, A TsEYUL and even the marble slab astefal cover for of the sideboard is HUMOROUS. A Mexican war veteran now living in Detroit relates that when Colonel A. McReynolds raised his company of ths Dragoons and sent the men into camp for instructions, previons to go- Ing to Mexico, a regular army drill ser- geant was given the task of ““licking into shape” the raw recruits, The po- sition of the soldier was somothing with which they obviously bad little acquaintance; neither did they seem to present a very martial appearance on the whole, The flery drill sergeant, after a few hours of unpromising work, delivered himself of the following pyro- technical instructions: “Hold up your heads! Look fierce! Look like the devill Look like me!” ——————— A woven father was brutally beating his stably little son, and when asked: “What are you doing?’ *‘I am malle- abling this boy, don’t you see?” was the reply, “‘What has he done to deserve such a terrible punishment?’ “Noth ing tall,” replied the cruel parent, “Well, then, youn had better desist,” replied the gentleman, ‘Now, look here, stranger, this kid won't grow; he hasn't growed a bit in two years, and you know even iron can be expanded by beating, so 1 thonght I would mal. leable the boy, and see if 'twonld have th: eame effect.” or ——— “I aM in despair. Just imagine that Faro, my dear little dog, has all the symptoms of hydrophobia; he no long- er eats snything; he foams at the mouth, and runs away when I give kim water,” “It's terrible; but what do you intend to do about it?” “Poor beast, it breaks my heart; but I am decided; as soon as he has bitten ene 1 will have hin killed!” BOGE -— : “Mr Byax.” said a Chicago Com- missioner to an applicant for the re- newal of his liquor license, “I thought you had resoived to quit the bosicess, and devote yourself the work of temperance reform.” * It's thrue, every wurred yer saving,” returned iy- an, *‘but that was before I knew the Convinshuns was to mate here — “Grap meet you,” said thoughtful looking mau to the oue to whom he had just been introduced; ““what business, did you say?” “Laquor business,” was the answer “Wholesale or retail?’ “Wholesale and retail, both.” “Retail?” with the rising in- flection—*H'm_ Thought 1 knew all the retail places in town?” 4 Ww Mr, the to r—————— “I map hardly entered the room”™ said he, with & tremulous voice “*when & mist suddenly gathered before my eyes, 1 was nnable tosee an inch in front of mv, 1%*heard the murmur of voices, aud then—" “You fainted,” qmeckly put mn his friend, “No; 1 wiped the frost off my glasses,” ——— “Boy, do you go to school? asked a stranger of a bootblack the post office on Baturday. “Yes, sir.” “Do you learn anythwng?” “Well, I should remark!” *‘Give us a sample.” “Well, the Amszon river 1s {he largest river in the world, the tiger is found in Brazil, and I'll shine your butes for a nickel!” He shone at Ay An oil for belting is recommended which consists of nine parts of linsced oil and four parts of litharge, ground in water, These, boiled to a plastic copsistency, then liguefied by an addi- dition of turpentine, furnish which, it is claimed, possesses admirable qualities. all oi, many Taz fan is in universal nse in Japan, Even the soldiers in the srmy are fur. persuader. A regiment of soldiers provided with fans must be wore terrible than an army with banners, When a man is stabbed 10 death with a fan he never recovers, ———————— AoCORDING to the Muladelphia Reo ord, Mt. John DuBois, of Central Penn- sylvania, has invented an automatic dom. We are pleased to note tnat the Presidential year bas stimulated the dormant industries of the pation, even if in the direction of improving our profanity. “Tun best suit I ever made,” remark- ed the tailor, after proposing marriage and being accepted by his lady- love, “Yes,” replied she, “1 am your maid to order.” After they were married, however, be always declared that she was a ready maid, A rassexaEr on a Cunard steamer was recently robbed of a pocketbook containing a letter of credit for §70.000, two drafts for $250 each, one draft for $125, and several bills of exchange for £5,000 each, What a protracted sp ee that man had started out on! titi “Yes,” replied Bass, “on general grounds, 1 suppose a large mail should indicate a good business; but look at these" showing a double fist of duns ~**the less business | have the more of these darned things I receive.” Pride, like landanum and other pois. onous medicines, is beneficiol in small,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers