“Just For a Joke,
A hopelessly rainy day. A day with
gray clouds spread hike a well over the
sky, streams of water dropping down the
eaves, rotes beaten to the very iound,
and birds hiding away in the thickets,
until the welceme sun should once again
disperse the mist and tempest.
But after all, it was not
shores of o'd Long Island. There were
great awry, low-celled rooms opening into
one another——there were deep window
shutting the occupants off fiom the rest
of the world—there were odd little three-
books and portfolios full of pictures and
graphoscopes with foreign
better than all, thete was a huge biood-
trunks, boxes of
ties—to0 that when lLalias Brown
an antique wedding dress and veil of
wristed gloves buttoned with tiny knobs
of discolcred pearl,
surprised.
“What a child!” esid Mre. Brewster,
“It 18 Grandma Gillender’'s wedding
dress ” ssid Joeie Brown, with a yawn,
7 tried it on once, but 1 couldn't button
it around mel”
“Where on, earth
asked Miss Lawrence.
‘‘Not at all unbecoming.” said young
Dr. Lagard, with bright observant eyes.
“Bul where 18 the groom?” demanded
saucy Josie.
“Allow me to officiate,” sald Dr.
Layard, sprinzing lightly to lus feet and
taking his position beside the pretty little
apparition in white sat'n and creamy lace,
Harry Lawrence at once struck an att-
tude in front of the pair
did you find iti”
the drawl of good old snufl.taking Dr.
to be your husband?”
“Not to spoil u joke—yes!"
“Augustine!” shouted Hsrry, ‘do you
take Lalas for your wedded wife,
“Of course | do,” said Dr. Layard,
“and a very pretty hittle wife she 18 1n that
long- waisted gown and frill of lace.”
“Children!” cried Mrs. Brewster,
oldest ¢f the party, although she had
yet attained the matronly age of eight and-
twenty, “what are you about?"
““Ouoly having a iittle fun,”
“Now, please, Mary, don’t scold.”
**But you are trifling with far too ser
ous things,” smd Mrs, Brewster—and Miss
her white eyelashes at she young pair.
*] dare say you think it a very good
joke,” ssid she, ‘but I was at Newport
once, when there was a charade, or a
tableau, or something of the sort, and
two young people weat through the mar-
riage service,—and Jo and behold. then
they were married hard and fast, and
But Lalias Brown stayed to listen to
potbing more. With a little shriek of
dismay she tore off the wedding veil and
flew away up stairs to bide herself in the
old garret, where the rain pattered on the
shingled roof overhead, and the faint scent
of sandal-wood aod dried rose leaves
floated out of the trunks and boxes which
she had just been rifling,
*‘Married] married!” she repeated
herself. “But it’s all
be nonsensel
earth would bear out such a piece of bur-
leaque as that.”
Vhile Augustine Layard smiling quietly
at the uproar and turmoil which sur.
rounded hum, Yook a book and established
himself comfortably in the hammock on
ine south veranda, where the tempest of
rain beal around him in all directions
to
nonsense-——it must
prostrate roses filled his nostrils with every
gust of wind.
But little Mrs.
the evening train were heard grating on
the gravel, she rushed to meet her hus-
band, a thriving young New York lawyer.
“Tom,” said she, **waill
the hall just yet. |
something!’
“Can't 1 even tske off my overcoati”
he asked, laughing st her pretty eagerness.
*“Tom,” she uttered, breathlessly, “‘is
ten! Do listen!”
“My deai, 1 am all attention!"
“If a girl says she will take a man for
her husband --and be says he will take her
for his wife—0u"
*“Batore witnesses?”
“Yes, before witnesses—is it a real mar.
riage, Tom? Oh, do answer me quickly!”
**As real a marriage as if all the churches
and parsons in America had signed and
sealed it,” said Mr, Brewster, “And now
let me come in, Puss, for the air 1s damp,
and the shine ot yonder wood-fire on the
hearth 18 not without its attractions.
Without lingering to question more,
Mrs. Brewster fled up stairs to the old
garret, where Liliss Brown was still
erouching among the old trunks and boxes.
“It’s just ss I told vou, Lily,” smd
she. ‘You are married!”
Lilias’ large bine eyes shoue like stars
from the backeround of ber pallid face.
“Bat | won't be marned!” smd she.
Dr. Inyard was in the great sitting.
room when she came shyly down, her eyes
swollen with erying, her fair cheeks
flushed.
“Come and sit by me, Mus Brown,” he
said, with a smile, #8 be made roow for
her on the sofa at hus side.
“1 won't,” she flashed out. **You have
no authority over me. lI am going
away to-morrow!”
He looked hard at her, ou ros
ning away from me, Teron” at or
“l sm ruomng awey from my own
folly,” she answered, in a choked voice.
“You need not run away from either one
or the other,” said ne “yl
will leave Secliopshell Farm myself to-
morrow morning. If you cannot be satis
fled with my ro'emn assertion that 1 attach
as little cors quence as yourself to our une
considered practical joke, I assure you
would vever, under any circumstances,
accept an unwilling bride.”
Lalias made no answer; she only looked
at hum with solemn, frightened eyes; and,
true to hus word, Dr. Layard left the Farm
the next day.
“There's an end of the matter,” mid
Mrs. Brewster, with an air of sereve mat
ronly authority, ‘and now Liliss, take
yurniak by he fright you have had, and
don’t in any more such escapades.”
will,”
| Dut to ber infinite amazement and per-
| plexity, Lihas Brown was not half as
| happy as she thought she should be when
was removed,
smile, his quiet, reassuring ways, his con
stant thoughtfulness.
waves had lost their charm--the murmur
of the pine thickets no longer filled the air
| with musio—in fact, Lilias was wretched,
{and she did not dare to ask herself the
| reason why.
talking to his wife in the little oak parlor,
{ while eghe lay spiritless and sad in the
hammock where the perfumed honey-
suckle sprays almost touched ber cheek.
“You eaw Dr, Layard?” smd Mrs.
| Brewster's bnsk, questioning voice.
“How did he look! What did he say?”
*‘He looks like a ghost,” answered the
young lawyer. *‘And he says he has
never known a happy minute since he jeft
| beollopshell Farm.”
“Goodness me!” said Mrs. Brewster.
“The fact 18,” proceeded her husband,
| “he loves your little friend Liiias Brown
to distraction, —and he was just beginning
to fancy that she might perhaps be per.
suaded to return his devotion, when that
unlucky mock-mgrriage—or real marrage,
whichever you ITke to call it—destroyed
his chances for gocd and all. And so he
is wretched. And after all I dont see that
he was 1u any degree to blame.”
“But did it destroy his chancesi” said
Mrs. Brewster, reflectively.
“You don't think it possible that she
cares for ham?" cried the lawyer,
“1 shouldn't be surprised if she did—a
little!” confessed the wife.
“If be thought so, he would come here
at once,” sald Mr. Brewster, eagerly.
ilies succeeding one another on her cheek,
{ but at this she rose and came to the win-
| dow, leaning over the ledge like a pretty
| picture in 11s frame.
And as for Dr, Layard
“Welll” questioned
the lawyer, half
fusion.
“Teil him to comel™
And then lLaline disappeared amoog the
| vines like a frightened chald.
| 85 Dr. Layard? came back—and ola Dr.
| were marred over a second time
i “So you realiy .wved me sll the time,
| said Augustine, tenderly looking into his
| bride's eyes.
“Bat 1 duln’t know It
5
| head.
se
Hed Jacket's Model Hatchet,
One little anecdote of Red Jacket re-
lated by Judge Sheldon at the meeting
| of the committee of the Historical So-
| ciety yesterday will be found interest.
ing: ‘“There was once,” said the Judge,
| “a blacksmiths shop on the corer
| by a man named Reese. He was a very
{fine workman, & real artist in lus line.
| One day Red Jacket came nto the shop
| speak English, you know, Well,
wanted a rew hatchet
{ made. They had some talk, but Reese
{for ham, and told lum to come in two
i weeks for ib
| Red Jacket came for hus hatchet,
{was a fine piece of workmanship, too.
! He went off, but retarned ina d Ay Or
| two with the hatchet,
i him. Ot course Reese was mad, but
| he told Bed Jacket if he would make a
| model out of maple wood of just such a
iit for bia, Bo Bed Jucket made his
mxiel sud brought 1t to Reese, who told
him to come alter it in a week,
preter, as usual,
shop when Red Jacket came in, Reese
{ handed him the hatchet, Red Jacket
looked it all over, flung it across the
room, grunted ‘Ugh,’ and went off mad
i as thunder. He had forgotten to make
an eye in his model, and Breese made
the hatchet without au eye, ’
CA Isms
The Folly of Fear.
A great deal of talent is lost in the
world for the want of a little courage,
ber of obscure men who have only re-
mained in obscurity because their tim.
idity has prevented them from making
a first effort, and who, if they could
have been induced to begin, would in
all probability have gone great lengths
in the career of fame. The facts, that
to do anything in this world worth do-
ing, we must not stand back shivering
and thinking of the cold and danger,
but jump in and scramble through as
well as we can, lt will not do to be
perpetually calculating risks and ad-
justiag nice chances, It did very well
before tue flood, when a man could con-
sult his friends upon an intended pub-
lication for a hundred and fifty years,
and then live to see its success after-
ward, But at present a man waits, and
doubts, snd consults bis brother and
his friends, till one fine day
he bo is 80 years of age; then he
has lost so much time in consulting his
first cousins and friends that
he has no more time to follow their ad-
vice
rise
JawnrLuy may be nicely cleaned by
dipping in bot water and polish-
ing with a htle white powder and a
prece of chamois, A cameo should be
scrubbed with a fine tooth brash aud
a little powder,
II ns ss
Roast ham is a noted Pennsylvania
dish; 18 is rossted the same as beef,
only being less juicy it requires =»
i te tn Sere
cut m thin » a wn gravy
made of beef stock and brown flour,
removed from
SCIENTIFIC,
1
| Cleaning Frngravings,—The following
| directions for cleaning engravings we
{ find in several exchanges, all claiming
it as origi al. If brown spots and
rings of mildew have made their appear-
{ ance, float the engravings face down-
ward for twenty-four hours on a large
| quantity of water, in a vessel perfectly
free from grease and soil of all kinds,
Lift it froma the water on a perfectly
clean sheet of glass, drain, transfer to
| blotting-paper without touching it, then
transfer to fresh blotting-paper, dry,
{ rub witn bread, as is done in drawings,
{ und iron, If the stains are bad, or are
| water over them until perfectly soaked,
place It with a soluticn of chloride of
lie (1 part liq. caleis chlorate to 89
parts water), As a rule the stains dis-
appear as if by magic, If not, pour on
the spot pure liq. caleis chlorate ; if
that does not succeed, add a little acid
nitro hydro-chlor, dil. As soon as the
stain disappears, wash the engraving
carefully with suncoessive portions of
water until all the chlorine is removed.
Then steep it in a weak solution of gine
{ and gelatice, which may be colored with
coffee grounds, to give the engraving a
yellow color.
iron and the print. Bmall grease spots
French chalk over them, a piece
a hot iron over that, If the
around the
touching the stain itself
{it in a circle sain
co -
ted machine of the ordinary pattern
with the treadles and driving gear re-
moved.
form. The armature spindle carries a
| spindle of twelve teeth, gearing into
| speeded down 20 to 1. The battery,
! composed Faure, Sellon-Volkman
| cells, cecanionally, and sometimes of a
combination the two devices, is
of
of
{ wheo fully charged containg a store
of electrical energy equal to two-horse
ss ————
In order to n-
applied ; and, secondly, to
avoid risk, it is better to begin cutting
by taking off small pieces at the corners
and slong the edges, and so reduce the
| shape gradually to that required. When
the operation on well the glass
breaks away from the scissors in vimall
pieces in a straight line with the
blades, The two lunts given above, if
strictly followed, will always insure
BUCOCAA,
ROOK
Mr, C, CG. HHockwood has just ex-
haustively treated the Ischian earth
quake of July 28, 1883. He arrives at
the conclusion that this disturbavoe
slong an old voleanie flssure running
| roughly north and south, and extending
radially under the northern slope of
| rapture must be referred to the resida-
al voleanie sctivity whish Ischia shares
with the adjacent maialafid, rather than
{to any loeal subsidence, as
| suggested by Prof. Palmieri,
a
of the substance which caused the
stain. lu absence
knowledge on this point, we quote a
Iytechnic journal: Make a mixture of
equal parts of linseed oil, alcohol and
turpentine, slightly moisten a rag with
it snd rub the spots until they disap-
pesr,
| dinary blottmg-paper,
together and applying a fresh coat,
i
:
i Lhysicieds have lately been trving to
determine by expermoent whether the
ted either by the evaporation of water
or by the condensation of vapor, Free-
is produced by the evaporation of pure
apparatus
that condensation of vapor or tke for-
mation of hail is a source of atmospher-
ic electricity.
The Scientific American describes
the method by which the great cables
of the Pittsburg (Pa.) suspension bridge
wore repaired, When a delective
piece of wire was found it was cut ont
out and a new piece of wire nicel
spliced in #0 as to bear the strain it
ought to sustain, and no more, When
the wires were renewed the whole was
coated with linseed oil and then with
louine,
“
i
¥
¥
2
F
i
AGHRIOULIURE,
essen gp—
~ AursiovaH every possible precaution
is sometimes taken to make the sitting
Len as comfortable as possible, the eggs
often fail to hatch, The difficulties are
of a character that cannot be discovered
but much depends on the conditions re-
garding the management of the laying
hens, If a hen is very fat she will lay
but few eggs, and the eggs from such a
hen will often fail to hatch, When
cocks are allowed to range with too
many hens the vitality ot the chicks is
lessened, and they die in the shell
Fowls that are fed nader a forcing pro-
| cess produce weak offspring, and those
{ that have been bred in-and-in are not to
| be relied upon to give good hatches or
| produce healthy chicks, The hen thai
| steals her nest is generally successful,
i but why this is so has been a puzzle,
| not only to the farmers but to scientific
| men as well. One thing we know is
| that her eggs are never disturbed, and
they are surrounded only by the pure
| and nneontaminated atmosphere,
| When we place eggs under a ken we
| know vothing of them, us a rule, and if
| they contain fertile germs it is only a
{ matter of guess with us in selecting the
| best, but the hidden hen's eggs are al-
| ways impregnated. The nests should
be secluded, and in a place which will
| be secure from the approach or intru-
sion of man or fowl, with the surround-
ings free from all impurites or odors,
| and every convenience afforded in the
We
| handle eggs too freely, approach the
| way of dusting, food ana water,
| nest too oflen; and disturb the sitting
| hen when she should be easy and quiet,
There are birds that abandon nests
alter the eggs have been disturbed, and
| thie may partly, teach us to place the
sitting hen alone by herself, with' free-
dom of action, the eggs being from good
| strong hens, of which only a, few have
| been mated with a vigorous cock, Avoid
| sitting hens if they are nervous and
Such hens are never
| careful aud break their eggs, as well g¢
| quarrelsome,
| tramping the young chicks to death, A
medinm sized ben 18 the best, and of
different breeds the Brahmas aod
Cochius are the most persistent sitters,
Fanuzrs should not forget that the
bran and otl er coarse feed made {rom
wheat are richer in elements of plant
| food than the whole grain, and, of
aourse, feeding them makes a richer
i manure, A ton of wheat brau is worth
| §14 09 for manure, while a ton of corn
meal is only worth $6.65, These figures
are based on the cost of nitrogen, phos-
phorie acid and potash in their commer
cial forms, and represent the compara-
tive valine of feed, It is probably true
that at the present price of wheat-bran
farmers can purchase it to feed and
make mapure more cheaply than they
can otherwise obtain it. In most mar-
kets the coarse bran is how selling at
| 815 to $18 per ton, and alter feeding its
| maparia value will be greater because
it will be more available,
Ix former times it was generrlly held
as good doctrine that fast-growing trees
produced wood of but little yalue, In
this country, however, at the present
day, there are mavy cases showing the
rule will not hold good. Ii is true that
“*soft woods ’ are usually of a rapid
growth, On the other hand, ash, hick-
ory, bird cherry and many similar trees
not at all slow in growin produce the
best of timber, I the case of the oa-
talps, a tree that grows rapidly and
hes quite pithy wood when young, it
| has been shown that the wood is of a
very durable natare, and used as posts
in the ground, or for purposes above
ground, it will outlast the wood of many
| BlOW-growing trees.
Eooxomiear feeding is an important
factor in stock breeding. In regard to
| grinding grain for feeding, it bas been
ishown in eyery case in which a test
has been made that meal is worth about
The
same is trae, too, of hay, of which fii-
i teen pounds ent into chaff and fed with
meal are equal to twenty pounds fed in
| its natural condition, Linseed meal
(ground oil cake) is an excellent food
for stock when fed with grain and rough
feed.
| one-third more than whole grain,
| A rraoricarn farmer who burns both
! coal and wood 1n different stoves makes
a practice of mixing the ashes and ap-
| piying all on his yonng orchards in the
sprivg. He believes that the potash of
the wood ashes is effective in small
quantities, and that its addition to the
coal ashes makes the later much more
absorptive of ammonia or nitric acid
| from the atmosphere, At any rate, he
| finds good results from the mixture, and
bis young orchard is nousually thrifty
and productive,
Cuvosrom of lime, when used on the
manure heap, not only disanfeets it but
is an advantage in arresting the escape
of ammonia, When mixed with plenty
of dry dirt, and thoroughly mingled
with the materials of the compost heap,
it is invaluable. 'T'he materials, how-
ever, should be kept under cover. Ohlo-
rine gas is easily liberated from chloride
of lime ; and as he gas will not remain
uneombined it readily sols upon organic
and mineral matter, not o *
the volatile substances bu
Tux newest thing in cheese making
is a factory in Vermont, which makes
both butter and cheese. The cream is
od from the milk and churned
leaving sweet buttermilk
the vat of skimmed milk
en made into cheese
DOMESTIC,
Fon painting on porcelain and tiles,
the designs will he perfect if Lacroix’s
vitrifiable colors are used; they come
in tubes and are Chinese and perma-
nent whites, ivory and raven biacks,
Hight pearl, neutral, and warm grays,
light and deep earmine, crimson lske,
capucine red, carnation deep (flesh),
carnation light (flesh also), red lake,
and orange red; the purples are g¢rim-
son deep and rubby, deep violet, also
violet of gold and iron, There are
seven different shades of blue, Victoria,
dark and light, sky blue, deep uitra
marine, and deep blue, and blue No,
29. There are eleven shades of green—
grass, brown dark, tea, deep blue
green, chrome, deep chrome, emerald,
apple, very derk green and sap green.
There are eight different shades of
brown—brown Nos, 8 and 4, light and
deep brown, yellow, red, and sepia
brown, and brown No, 108, Yellows
silver yellow, ivory and dark ochre,
yellow for mixing, jonquil and orange
yellow—the relief and flux tones, For
grounds there are twenty-four colors-—
celestial, Indian, marine and tarquoisa
blues; lavender, red-—brown, chamois,
carmelite, celadon, light coffee, steel
and turtle-dove grays, Isabella, maize,
Chinese yellow, salmon, coral, pom pa~
dour pink, fusible lilac, mauve, copper,
water green, and chrominm and grou nd
greeus,
I em ————
Bonoon Keeping the books clean,
Books should be used but not sbased,
Every new book that is purchased by
the pupils should be substantially eov-
ered. The teacher ought to show the
pupils how to eover thesr own books,
The teacher may wnile the pupil's
name in & blank leaf, with date and
residence, and then forbid any other
| writing therein, The blank leaves of
school books are pot autograph slbums,
for Barah Ann, Susan Jane, or James
Heuory te write loving verses of friend.
| ship 10, und the pupils should so learn,
{ Do not permit them to write all through
| their books or draw carieatures, eto,
{ in them, When such things are found,
| have them erased, Tell the children
{ that you shall lock for it, and what
| will be the consequence if anything of
| the kuud is found in their books. There is
| still another habit that shoula be brok-
en up in school, that of ‘‘spitting®n
slates,” and rubbing it with the hand.
Excessive expectoration is Lurtiul
to good digestion, and the habit of
| removing the work from the slate in
this mauner 1s too filthy to be iully
considered by one with a weak stom.
ach, Itis nauseating. If the pupils
cannot procure slate sponges, then get
cloths aud keep them wet in water for
that purpose,
——
Laver Cae yor Cream, JELLY, ETC
—cant half-cup of butter, two cups of
| powdered sugar, four eggs, three cups
i of flour, hall-cap of milk, two teaspoon.
{ fuls of baking powder. Rab the but
| ter and sogar to & cream, stir into
the unbeaten yolks of CEES,
antil hight, add one cup of the flour,
into which the baking powder must
have been mixed; stir smooth, put in
the milk, then the rest of the flour,
and finally the whites of the eggs, beat-
en to a froth, Bake in jelly panos,
loess
the
Ax easy and excellent icing for cake
can be made by mixing ose cup of
sugar with a half cup of cold water and
boiling it sbout five minutes, unt it
begins to string, as for candy Jeat
the white of an egg to a froth ana
slowly pour on it the bot mixtu.e and
beat until quite cold. Bpread the mix-
tare on the cake and sel away to hard-
en, To make this especially festive for
Christmas cake it can be well covered
with candies or fruit,
Guares Uxozr Cover —A pretty and
easy decoratiye dish may be made of
white grapes and gelatine by choosing
a bunch of grapes and tying a five
thread to each end, put it in the jelly
mold, Pour in the jelly, made with
lemons or white wine, and when the
mold is full pull up the grapes until
you get them into the proper position,
then secure it by weghts and leave
until you are r ¥ to serve it,
To Tam A Tamir Boany.— A some-
what novel way to trim a tablescarfl is
to put three-cornered pieces of silk or
satin on each end. Have these picces
half a yard deep at the longest side, in
the corner embroider a spray of lowers;
where the satin or silk end joins the
center part of the scarf puta row of
fanoy stitches. A dark crimson felt-
scarf with one end light blue, the other
of crimson shaded to brown, is very
handsome,
To Creax Mimmons, ~The best way
to clean mirrors, the glass of pictures,
ete, is to take a soit sponge, wash it
well in clean water and squeeze it at
dry as possible; dip it in some spirits
of wine and rub over the glass; thes
have some powdered blue tied up in a
rag, dust it over your glass and rub in
bily aud quickly with a soft cloth;
30d. finish with a silk handker-
ehiel,
A TsEYUL and even
the marble slab
astefal cover for
of the sideboard is
HUMOROUS.
A Mexican war veteran now living
in Detroit relates that when Colonel
A. McReynolds raised his company of
ths Dragoons and sent the men into
camp for instructions, previons to go-
Ing to Mexico, a regular army drill ser-
geant was given the task of ““licking
into shape” the raw recruits, The po-
sition of the soldier was somothing
with which they obviously bad little
acquaintance; neither did they seem to
present a very martial appearance on
the whole, The flery drill sergeant,
after a few hours of unpromising work,
delivered himself of the following pyro-
technical instructions: “Hold up your
heads! Look fierce! Look like the
devill Look like me!”
———————
A woven father was brutally beating
his stably little son, and when asked:
“What are you doing?’ *‘I am malle-
abling this boy, don’t you see?” was the
reply, “‘What has he done to deserve
such a terrible punishment?’ “Noth
ing tall,” replied the cruel parent,
“Well, then, youn had better desist,”
replied the gentleman, ‘Now, look
here, stranger, this kid won't grow; he
hasn't growed a bit in two years, and
you know even iron can be expanded
by beating, so 1 thonght I would mal.
leable the boy, and see if 'twonld have
th: eame effect.”
or ———
“I aM in despair. Just imagine that
Faro, my dear little dog, has all the
symptoms of hydrophobia; he no long-
er eats snything; he foams at the mouth,
and runs away when I give kim water,”
“It's terrible; but what do you intend
to do about it?” “Poor beast, it breaks
my heart; but I am decided; as soon
as he has bitten ene 1 will have
hin killed!”
BOGE
-— :
“Mr Byax.” said a Chicago Com-
missioner to an applicant for the re-
newal of his liquor license, “I thought
you had resoived to quit the bosicess,
and devote yourself the work of
temperance reform.” * It's thrue, every
wurred yer saving,” returned iy-
an, *‘but that was before I knew the
Convinshuns was to mate here
—
“Grap meet you,” said
thoughtful looking mau to the oue to
whom he had just been introduced;
““what business, did you say?” “Laquor
business,” was the answer “Wholesale
or retail?’ “Wholesale and retail,
both.” “Retail?” with the rising in-
flection—*H'm_ Thought 1 knew all
the retail places in town?”
4
Ww
Mr,
the
to
r——————
“I map hardly entered the room”™
said he, with & tremulous voice “*when
& mist suddenly gathered before my
eyes, 1 was nnable tosee an inch in
front of mv, 1%*heard the murmur of
voices, aud then—" “You fainted,”
qmeckly put mn his friend, “No; 1
wiped the frost off my glasses,”
———
“Boy, do you go to school? asked
a stranger of a bootblack the post
office on Baturday. “Yes, sir.” “Do
you learn anythwng?” “Well, I should
remark!” *‘Give us a sample.” “Well,
the Amszon river 1s {he largest river in
the world, the tiger is found in Brazil,
and I'll shine your butes for a nickel!”
He shone
at
Ay
An oil for belting is recommended
which consists of nine parts of linsced
oil and four parts of litharge, ground
in water, These, boiled to a plastic
copsistency, then liguefied by an addi-
dition of turpentine, furnish
which, it is claimed, possesses
admirable qualities.
all oi,
many
Taz fan is in universal nse in Japan,
Even the soldiers in the srmy are fur.
persuader. A
regiment of soldiers provided with
fans must be wore terrible than an
army with banners, When a man is
stabbed 10 death with a fan he never
recovers,
————————
AoCORDING to the Muladelphia Reo
ord, Mt. John DuBois, of Central Penn-
sylvania, has invented an automatic
dom. We are pleased to note tnat the
Presidential year bas stimulated the
dormant industries of the pation, even
if in the direction of improving our
profanity.
“Tun best suit I ever made,” remark-
ed the tailor, after proposing marriage
and being accepted by his lady- love,
“Yes,” replied she, “1 am your maid
to order.” After they were married,
however, be always declared that she
was a ready maid,
A rassexaEr on a Cunard steamer
was recently robbed of a pocketbook
containing a letter of credit for §70.000,
two drafts for $250 each, one draft for
$125, and several bills of exchange for
£5,000 each, What a protracted sp ee
that man had started out on!
titi
“Yes,” replied Bass, “on general
grounds, 1 suppose a large mail should
indicate a good business; but look at
these" showing a double fist of duns
~**the less business | have the more
of these darned things I receive.”
Pride, like landanum and other pois.
onous medicines, is beneficiol in small,