$1 RATES OF ADVERTISING. AMI gl0jotttsifcvj gwwomrt. IS PUIILISHEI) EVERY flUUAY MOltNINU in tiik cor.u.MiitAN iiun.t)i:;ti nnAnTili couht liousr., nLooHsmmfi, rA nv CHARLES B. BROCKWAY, eoitoh Ann rnonncTon, V:tm5"7wo Dollars a Year payable in advance job printing in alt descriptions executed with neatness nnd ein lueicu lib rcaiuiiiaiiiu raie. Oolumbiii Oountv Offioial Directory. PretlihntJwlae-Wlt.UMl El.WKM.. ' AuocluteJiulactlKAU Drum, Isaac H, Mom- '"vottonoMn.rff.-llcnoM'II II. ll,!i''1Vi1.,.'v JleoUltrdt '('cemfcn-Wti.i.iAMsoN tl.JAfonv. Vhtrlet Attorney 3 Altai Dili o:', JH. . (T- . ..I.U U.ff-Tll. iWrrzor-l-AAt'DKWIiT. St-rntiirtr William IiAMOK. ttmilliim-M- I YHVH IllllUIlr, UlllAH J. IIki nni.'Wni.iAMHliApr.H. Commifo-rV Mert-Wli.MAM Kmr-KliAVM, AuiiUbttv -L cami-hem., da:ut. j. ue. ClIAllI.IHl'liNNEll toroiirr-OH AII1.KH (1. JlUltPH V. Jurti cwnmlj(o!ier Jsa AO Mi;Ur.Ilin, Jons Mo ACoi!W .i'JClll:ell(Ilf-C 1 Ar.t.TB 0. 13AHKI.CY J.fcf.i 'rrr iVr,r-llrectors, H. II. Mtl.l.rn V. lM.Utl It HAM i It, ltloomsburi:, and Jntt.NRoii lj m.i i:, ticcui.e.oii, CUAlil.i.sCoSNHli.t'cc'y. Eloomsburg Offioial Directory. htvtmilvtti llavlirn m. .lotitt A. I'UNSlo-t President, II. H. (ImilZ, Cashier. irtt National y.'nii.-LltAfl. J I. PAXTO!,l'rcs't 1 J. P.'it sTIN.Cashlcr. .... CbhtmbiaCvvuti. Multwl Snrlnti Windmill Loan nr.. latlvi.- V, I'. LlTTI.r., Prcs'i., C. W. MlI.t.EU. ''woMi'ta'f HulhHiw nnd Eavtna rund Anocta lion l it. Pn.li-ocK, Pics't., J. II. RonisoN, Hcc, Illormnlvrp Mutual fating Iwul Amxiatton J, J. Isnowi.ii, I'icMdciit, t'. CI. hakkmiy, Hco'y, Blooinsburg Directory. ijAJ'I HUAOH Jut lccclMd and for solo at the Ceil.UMtllAti Olllce. CLOTHING, &C. D AVID lAWENllKUCi, Merchant Talior, Main Et.,ntiovo Ainericnn House. WM. MORRIB, Merchant Tailor cornet oft'eu (round Muln St., over MUlci's store. DRUGS, CHEMICALS. AO. ii P. LOT., RrtiKslstiuidApolhccary.Mulii St. Jj, UCIOl iw tlio PiislUlUcc. CLOCKS, WATCHES, &.C. OR. HA VAI1E, dealer in Clocks, Watches nnd Jewelry, Slain o'. Just below lliu Aiueikmi Rouse. LOl'IH 11ERN1I ARR, Watch nnd Clocle maker nearsoutheastcorncr Mulnimd Iron sts. R-CMTICART. Watcli und Clock MnUer.Mar . l.ct ktreet, below Main. " hoots" and shoesT n 51, K NOHIl, Denier in limits nnd Mines, lnlest U. nnd last styles, comer Main uud Market mreets, In tlio old Post Olllce. DAVID 11ETZ, Boot and Hhocninlter, Main St. below Hurt man's store, west of Market. HENRY KLEIM, Manufacturer nnd rtcnter In Hoots nud Bhoes, Uiocerlcs, etc., Mnlu stlect, Last Uloonisburi;. PROFESSIONAL." Dll. II. C. HOWER, tsurieeon Dentin, Main St., above tlio Court House. DM. WM. M RK1IER, Burgeon nnd I'hyr.lclau. Ulilco over the l'list J.u(luiial Haul!. n (1. DARKI,i;Y,Altorney-nt-I,.iw. (jniie.ild U. tloorln h.sel,nnaulI10Lk, near the "Kieliangu luilel." 1 II. McKi:i,VY,M. I).,Hurernn and I'lijbliluu J , north side Main Bt below Market. T a. ItUTTKIt, M. D. Hurneou nml riijdicl.m (I , Market stuet, above Main, J 11. IIOIIISON, Atloruey-nt-Lav.-, Olllcollart , lunu'H bulldiuc, Main street. DH. II, K. KINNUY, Hurgcon Dentist. Tcclli extracted without palu: Main M., nearly oji oslto Kplscopal dim eh, Jit, IlVAJfH, M, 1 SnrReon nnd rhyslclan, south side Main street, below Market. DK.A. Ij. TlIUNi:n,l'liyR'clnna!!dSurKiim, nf lleo over Klelm'H Drue Mole, tesldeneo oue iloor below Hev. 1). J. W idler. MIliLINEUY" & FANCY OOODsT n l'KTKHMAN, Millinery und l'uncy OoodH, , opposlto Episcopal Church, Jlnln st, MIKH i.izzii: IlAKKI.nY, buIldliiK Main Mrct. Milliner, P.nmsey MIPS M. DKItltlCKSON, Millinery nudl'nncy Uoods.Malnst., below Market, MltH. JULIA A. & HA1JK llAltltM , Lndlo'1' Cloaks nnd Dress Pattern.), houtUtaat corner Main nnd West Ms. mill; MISSKS IIAHMAIt Millinery nnd Kuncy 1 Goods, Jlaln St., below American House, HOTELS AND SALOONS. I'OKKS HOTKI., by T. licut. Taylor, cast end of Main htreet. MERCHANTS AND GROCE11S. 1 C. MAHIt, Dry OoodH nnd Notions, Mnitle V W(S1 si corner Main and Iron sis. I.lOX ,t WKI1I1, Contectionery and Ilakery, 1' wholesale nnu reiaw, i;xi ni.npo hiock. II ('. IIOWl'.H. Hats end Cn ns. Dootsuudhhoes, Main et above Court House, T It. AT A TV.l. Mnmmnlh flroeerv. flno (Iro- i). cerles, 1'iuUh, Nuts I'rovlslou, (Sc., Mnlu ami ecnuoisirteis. 11 Ki:i,VY. NKAI. A CO., dealers In Dry GoodH, ill liroceries, r ionr, peeu,rsaii, i lsu.irouuiis, ite.,N. i:. cor. Main uud Market UK. fi II, MII,I,i:il A SON, dealers In Dry Cloodn, P. OroecrleH, llneeiiswnre, I'iour, talt, bhoes, Notions, etc., Main st. MISCELLANEOUS n M. niUIKTMAN, Kiddle, Trunk Hnrueee- V. maucr, DW. ItOllllINS.llnuordeulerReconddoorirora northwest corner Main nud Iron hh. EJ. THOKNTON, Wall Paper, Window fihadei . and flxtuice, Uupert bloik. Malust. GW, coitnu,, Furniture ltnmim, three story ' liilek, Main Btreet, .est or.Mnrkcl st. nItliSKNHTOCK",l'liolot;raplicr, iV Iter's Htore, Main st. ', over Kobbtn'i I K. KriIN.denlerlnilent.Tullow, etc., Chein 1 ' berlln's alley, rear of American House. CJA'irri. JACOMY.Mnrlile end Drown Ktouo WorkB, rust llloomsbma.lteni Icit road. WM, ItABU, dealer In furnltnio, t ranks, cede ' ' v tllow ware, near Ilia Korku Hotel. V It. HIDLKMAN, Apent for M unson's Copper U'Tubular Llahluina Uod. p KOffrat.Gluo Maker, and While nnJ Fancy v. J a auner.ticottown. WOTi: IIOOKH, and blank NOTI2H, wltli or with, it out exemption, lor sale at the Cui.vuuiAN Office. Oatawicsn. ti K, D AI.I..M AN, MercUant Tailor, Second St. O.Itohbliih' llulldlne. IV1- ! K, itOllllIt.'S. Hurgeou nud I'liyslclan u iccouil Kl neiow main. pILDKHT & KLINK, dry Goods, groceries, and U cenvrnl merchandise, Main Btreet T 1!. KISTLHU, "Cnttawlssa Hnuco," North . Corner Main und Second Streets, LKi:iLKR, lllllaril Saloon, Oysters, and Ico . Cream In teasuu Muln St. M M, HROI1HT, dealer In UeucralMerchaudlse Ail. Dry floods. (Irocorles Ac, OUK01IF.1IANNA or Urlck Hotel. B. Kosten i bauder Pinprletor,outh.tubtcuriierMuluand "wTimi nireei, M, 11, AIIBOTT, Atlomey at law. Main St, Light Street. UK OMAN & Co., WtieelwrlEhts, Urst door t above School House, iqilN A.OMAN, Manufacturer ami dealer In Boots ami Shoes M I) Hi I'NT, dcfller In Stoves and Tin ware lu i v mi us nrauciieH, T)l'Tl It TNT, Miller, ii I'd dialer 111 all kinds oi I (.lulii, Ucur, iltd, Ac, All kinds ulOialn Eapy. U' lliauuflictolv.' llion mi Muln Hlnet liu. poslio the Hleaui Mill. 'P W, KDOAlt, buniUiiiuuuH l'lsulnii Mill Back Horn, HI U. AW. II. mint t Al.'i'll .iiiImu In ,lrv ill' goods, crocelcrlts'nnd Ktiiernl lueichaiidto VOLUME VI, -NO 9. Orangovillo Dirootory, II. lH'.imiNO ft linoTlim.Cnrrcntcrsnnd , llulldern, Main St., below Pine. illicit IIOTr.t, nnd rrfrnthmcnt Rnloon, by I) HnlirM'llenrycor.olMniiintid l'lnenl, Dlt. O. A.Mi:(lAlUli:i,,rhyRlciannndfluigeou Main st,, next door to Oood'o Hotel, DAVID IimtltlNa, l-lourniidOrl6tMll,ntul Denier in Ernln, MIUMrcat. TAMKH 11. 11 AltMAN, Cabinet Make; nud Un J del Inker. Main HI., below Pine, ycitlJYI.ril & CO., Iron roHimcri.Mncliluli.ts O and MauulaelulciHofplowR.MUlHt, SAMUlfl. bliAm'I,I.SH,MakeroflUeHayhur8t Ur.ilu Cradle. Mnlu hi, riLT.lAM nniyONO Bhormnkerniid mnuurne. Hirer oi llrlclc,MlllmwcnlufPuo XJhiladolphia Directory. Restaurant and Dinning Rw. EltANK S3I1TH, Proprietor. pnii,ADi:i,piiiA, X. II, Tho Inc.itlon t eenlrul, the nsilntants nttcnllvi', and He tables supplied with ihu lest 111, luaikct allorJR, Iresli and welt cooked, (live hltn n call, J M. KEt'HEAItT," tr o with BAKNES, UHO. & I1EIUION, HATfi, CAPM, STP.AW COOD A TVIW, No. 6W Market Htrcct, (Above Firih,) PilII,AllEI.MIIA. 7"AINWRIG11T & CO., wholkham: onocnts, II, K. Corner Hecoud and Arch Street, ruit.ADKX.riilA, Dealers In TLAK, HYHUI'M, coia-Kn, HUQ.VR, M0I.AI51:B MCE, SPlCrS, 111 CAllll HOOA, AC, AC. s-Ordeis will rec, lvo prompt idle ntlou. may I0,i.7-tf. Eusincca Cards. c 1 15. nnocicwAY, ATTOItNIlY AT LAV,' lll.OOUHIlUkO, I'A, W OFi'Icn Court House Alley, In the Co LUMIitAN Imthl I ntr. (Jan4,'fi7. c. W. MIliLER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, OfTlce Court llou'e Alley, below tlio Coi.UM niAN Olllce. llouutieB, llack-l'ay nud Pensions 'ollccted, llloomsburi: Pa,6eii.I0'67 JOHN CLA1UC, 1 ATTOF.NKY AT LAW. Cfllco with John O. 1'rceze, I'm., Urowcr'a nulldlnt;, HP cm-ljurir. j)OBEUT V. CLARK, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Olllco Main Street below Hie Court House. Dloonisbui Pcmi'a. E, If. LITTLE, ATTCHNUY AT LAW, Ol'.leo ('ourt-IIouo Alley, below the Coixat iiian Olllce, llloomsbuii: Pa. QIIARLES C. LEIDY, ATTOnKIPA'-AT-CAW. OPI'ICK ON OAK HTUHLT, MOUNT CAP.MEL. NOUTIIUMIlKUbASU COUTV, l'A, Collfctlnns piomiillr innde, ConvejnnclnB nrnlly e.seeulid mi. nil other business eomicci rd Willi hlspol.sslon e.ueiully intended to in Montour, Northunibeiland and Columbia coun ties. ms.ls-M,. JARGA1NS BARGAINS. QUICK PAT.F.1 ANO RHAI.l, ritOrlTS. s-AVi: YOIJU MOKKY. Onto Hl'NHY YOST. Hnst liloonisbnii: Pa., tor ull bludn of the bekt liome and eltv nrndo K II 11 N I T U H 15 . Prices reasonable and tlio bo Ik don". Jan l'7-tt yETERlNARY. AUGUST FP.lr.Nl), lain fnm Oerninny. oll'eis his smites to tin public as a cekbrnted HORSE AND COW DOCTOR, and nil other nnlmals, for which his chnrgfR are moderate. He can aluavs lio loendeast side o! Herwlek lend. neaiH.ll..Incoby'b Mnrblo Yoid. llloomsburs, May l'J, lt71-lv. f mTimivrpnM i would atilionne(itntborltl7ensof nioons- imrtr and vicinity, that he has lust received a full and complete assortment ol WAIL r.U'EK, WINDOW 81IADLH, fixtcjces, conns, TAtSI'I.5, and all other poods in his line ol business. All ihu newest and most nppioved patterns of tlm day nronlwnyn to bo found In his establishment. mar.5.'M)-tI Main HI. below Market. EW STOVE AND TIN SHOP. Main Street one tloor abovo V JlcndenlinllV HtliU'. ItatiKo.M'onstHHtly on liuuiltan(J lor fcala fit ttf Tlnnlni: lunll itn brnuchefctirpriilly nttenodtn Tin orii or m iiinus wnoiofaie una ryiuu. a tal Is reuiiPnittl. Jan P7I UKLIKO CltKAIJ. Jiy usilli: inn ariieio J allien nnu .i-iiiiuiifii cjn btaulliy llmuseHis a thousand lold. 'Ihls 1m tl.u only mllcJo that will curl Mralcht lialr, anil at tlio tame time i heto It a beautlliil ap. pinraiiie, ii niso iiivjuinii s, uiiiiuii.n uu.i eUnuses. It con le so applied cs to cause the l.nlrto mil any lenalli m lime desired, rent by n.ntl lei ill He. a puekaiie. Addicss Mlddlitown, Adau Co., l'a. bcptl'71-Cm. jLOOMSBURG ill A ii 11 Si t: IV O EE K fi. main sriiFr.T, iinow maukct, lll.OUMbUUIlO, PA, Monuments. Tombs. Headstones. Ac. Work neatly execimd. Oideis by mail will receive special attention, N, H, Wink dillveied fri'oeil cliarne-. T. I.. OUNTON, Piopilelor, bciid7i.tr, r.u.uoxai. yjAltVKV IJ. WALKER, 1 1 ii MEAR, SC1IROPR & CO. IMI'OUTSI.S AND JOIII1EIISOP CHINA, C1L.VS3 AND QURF.NSWARF., No. 108 NORTH SF.COND ST., PIIILADUI.PIIIA. S-Orli!lnat assorted packages of (iucenswaio ceiustanlly on hand, tebil'7J-tf, tci-w vortir. rniiK and Tivi-nponL. Nl.W AM) l'lJLI..pt)Wl:llM) si IlA.MSllUy, Tlli;Sl. 1..M1II1 MT .N IJili Wlllll.l', OCEANIC, ILLTIU. RKI'Ulll.lli. ATLANTIC. HaLTIC. ADRIATIC hi. o inns burden yew Ii. n. eneii. Saillni! fiom New York on SATURDAYS, fiom Liverpool on jue. iinjj.m, auu e.o:it iiarbor I tin iluv riiiiowliii.. Fiom the Wlilto Star Dock, Pavonla Ferry, Jersey City. , , Passenger nccommodatlons (for ull classes) UUllVlilie'il, eiiiiunoiiHf ami) COMFORT. Kninmiti. sinie-roouiH.'smokiuu.room and bath rooms In midship si ellon, wheiu least motion Is leu, surgeons uuu ttcMuiucstiti ueeuiupuuy thsn stfiiniprs. It ati b-baloon, f W Kild. Sleerngo, !) curren cy, '1 hoso wlbhiui; lo n ml lor Irlends In ni the uiu leiunuy e-uu now ouiaiu bieiragu piepaui eerlltlcules. 83H eurreucy. lusseliuers booked to or from all pails of Amerlea, Paris, llambiirgh, Noiway, bweelen, inula, Ausiraiia, Liuna, eee. 1 ii uislon tleketa uiuiiled at lowest rates, DrnftH liom 1 Howards. For liisi t e l Ion ol plans and other lufminntlou, SPPiy to io, iw i3iuwiieiu,v, w iiira, " J. II. SPARKS, Acenl, Or to W.l'HACOlK, Jnnlltf lllooiusbnrg, Tn, I MiacollauoouQ. D E HTlBin Y. H. C. nOWint, DKNTIRT, Iteipcctfully oircrn his proiessional Rervlccs to tlio Indies nnd Riintlcmcn of llloomsburi; nnd vl chilly. Ho Is prepared to attend to nil the vnrl. ounnperallomi In the lino of Ids profession, nnd Is provided Willi tlio latent improved PoncKi.AIH Tektii which will bo Inserted on iold plating silver nud rubber base to look as well nstho nat uraltfcth, Tcetli cxtrncted by nil tlio new anil moot approved methods, and all operations on the teeth earefullyand propeily attended to. Residence and olllco n lew doors nhnvo tho Court House, rmno r.lde. HloomsbnrK. .inn.1'71 Ip VULCAN WORKS, I) A N V I L L E PA. WILLIAM H. LAW, Mniiufaclureror Wroimhl Iron lirldgcs, Boilers, (laholders, l lrepmnr llullillui;s, Wiouitht Iron lloolluij, ltooflm; Frames, l'loorlns nnd Doors, Farm ()ate!i and fenctnit, also WroiiRtil Iron pip. Ini!, Slacks and all kinds of Kmltli Work, Ac, Repairs promptly attendeil to, N II 1 rawlugs and Rstlraatcs stirpltcd, oilin'71.1y. IIIE (1REAT MAGICAL !i a s u & o r. o i; ii i Will a.rce n bcaullfiil sot of Whiskers or Mm. tiielie, In from two to tlneo months, on any per son over twelve years old, It is oue of tho liest prepntatt ins to lenko the whiskers prow Hint evervuv known One boltleof II Issutllclenl to protluco a very stionu' benrd. II does not In any uny stain or Injure tho skill Try III It Is no liuinbuir, I'rl !li cents per liottlo. Sent by mall post paid, lo any nildress, on receipt ol price. Address WILLIAJI O. WAUNKR, Aieiidtsvllle, nuu.lS'71-ly. Adams County, Pennn I NNU R A If C ?: A O E N O Y . Wyondii" , Atnn fiille;n N. Y, Sorth Arutrlca C UV Inlernntloniil N,Y" Nlnitara N.Y Mnrcnnnts "prlngDold '.ril.ie 4 ,!,. I 1 iO.IiHj 1ii,'i0 IW,tlll l..,l)l" I.Oll.l'l rffl,((l r,Tn,le ftibnov ijlty HVO.o'O iKnvillP, UnraeTUert Mutual. Atlantic, N. Y I.iod.imi (len.wiuln, N, Y iin'M) VHZAH DROWN, A'.unt, hi -1 1 ly. Iti.oo'ifsiiiinri la. rarin.irs- laiuviiie,.',, II "J INK LEY KNITTING MACHINE Tim f-IMPLFST, CHFAPEST AND HFST IN Uciii HAb bUT oni: m:edli:i a CHILD CAN RUN 1T1 Deslfiiid esi celally for the use of families, and 1 allies who e' ilte to knit ier tho moikit. Will do ever) tlllili of the kMUIci; in a sleeking. widcului;and m.iiowlng as itadlly as by hand. Ale splendid for wmsteds ami fancy work. TAK1MI 1IV1; LI1F1-.H1.NT KINLH OF STITCH! Are very easy lo lunluiso, and not Uablo lo i et out ol oreicr. Lveiy l t.loilj should have one. Wo want an Agent in evciy tovn lo Introduce) nnd sell them.leiwhi mweellei the most liberal ltiduecmcuts, scnet loroui CluiilarLhd Sample .blocking. Addiess. llfNItLl.Y KNITTING M ACI11NF CO., nov. te,'7i-ly. 1I. Ii, Me. J C. H O V E II, uiihupcueUa Crht-clas HOOT, HIIOi:, 1IAX UA1 A.ND 1'UU STOlt E. at ineolilHtiuuHra Hftln Street, Itloomrburn.a few doorH above tho Court Houm. IIIh Mock lscom posed ol tho very latest mid bestBtylea over otTer ed tn tho citizens ol Columbia County. Ho can accommodate the public with tho following gooda titthoIowcKt ruteH, Men'H heavy double holed stoga boots, raen'M double nud blufilo tap soled kip bootB, men's heavy btoga Rhoea of nil kinds, men's lino boots nnd bhoes of all prudes, boy's double solpd boolH nnd4Hht)es ol all lcluds, men's i(lovw kid liitlmoral hhoe.vueu'B, women's, boya'a nud mlfcbesMabtlnB yaiters, women's glovo kid Toltbli very Hue.w omen's morocco Italmoralsaud calf shoes women's very line kid buttoned gait ers. In short booto ol nil descriptions both pes TL'll IllllthCW'd. Ho would also call attention to his Cue r.sort- tnent of ATM, CAIS, FURS AND NOTIONS, which comprises all the new nnd romilrii vnri' ctiesat pilceswlneh cnnnotfnilto suit all. Thct-e goons are oneieu ui me lowesi ckmii iuif r.im will bo pnnrnntced to civo br.tlRfnctlon. A ( all is f-ollclttd lielore purchaMug ulfeuwhcie rh It 13 behoved tuat better uaretuns are o no icuna thnn at tiny other pine In iheeotinty. Jan l'Tl gXCHANGE BAKERY AND CONFECTIONERY, I1LOOMSI1URCJ, PA. Tho undcrsltrned. successors of F. Wldmycr, erould resneiilullv announco that they have taken the Well-established stanil recently occur punt by tho above namcu, in moomsuurc, nnu prepntcd lo eoutluuo Ihu business ol manufac turing and selling, by WHOLLBALE AND RETAIL, Conuclloncry of every stylo and kind. Also, iney win jiaveae an eiuiesa compieio sui piy oi the best and Iresbe st lhiadnnd Cake1. Parties eh slrlii nil J thing in this lino will rind 11 to their aeivaiuago 10 cauou us. AN ICE CREAM SALOON fsndded to tho establishment, and ladles and otheis who mav Mitronlre us. may rely upon iinoti r celvinir 1 1111 er nllentlmi. A reasonable share of publi" pal I image is respevtfully solicit e-d. uaspne ti . i.Hinoii, anil oiuer syrups, en uuge UIHI small eiuauillies, eoiisianuy on unruly May 5. Is7t.-ly Hotels. iIONTOUR HOUSE lVi RUPERT, l'A. WILLIAM HUTLKIt, Proprietor, This Houso linvlns been nut In thnrouch renalr Is now open li r the teceplion of guests. No ains will no spnieu 10 ensure eno perieci com iiilofllio iravelers. Too Pioprlclor solicits a liare ol nubllo n,.tionnse. The bar will be sleeke d at all times with line liquors and cigars. janiii jgENTON HOTEL. V,'. I'. PIATT, Proprietor, lSENTON, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA. This well known Housei havlni! been nut in thoiough repair is now open lor Ihe reTCptlem eil lisliois. ro ains naveiieill spnreei lu eusiuu Ihe ee-rfeet couilolt of eueslN. The nronrletor also inns a Stage lrom the Hotel to lllooiusburg aud Inlerinedlatei points on Tuesday, Thursday anu sniuieiay 01 eaeuweeie. una i ion rjpiIE ESPY HOTEL. E3PY', COLUMRIA COUNTY, I'A. Tho undersigned would Inform the travelling Hibllcthut he has taken Hie above named estab ishtneiie and thoioti;lilv relllted Die sumo for the perlcct convenience of hisgucsts. Ills larder w ill lie stocke d with the best tho market allonls. The cliolccbt liquors, wines nud cigars always to oe louiui ui ins oar. WILLIAJI I'KTIIT. Kapy, Pa THE NATION Its Rulers and Institutions. IN ENGLISH AND GERMAN. " Nothing like It. Strikes everybody asjust the book I hiy need. 11 l an i-neyelopndla of lho eioverlilnelit. Sluele nnees In it. aro ot tile 111 miles worth Hie prleeol lho book. OtrrpU0ji(e coin vu ty tijtu, t xeieii imirr.i 101 e nii uanvm ladles and gentlemen (turners', teuchcrs and students, Vitvaucnt took 75 orders In ileie en, a ith clrticlar alone, belare the book aiipeuitd. S'-SO a tiny can eet eieareu in lair eerrnoiy, eriiiii niire lor clieular nud itifurmatiou, rel!W WOlli D I'Uiii.isiuNii CO., cor. 7iii nnu aiar. lift htuetB, Philadelphia. feet, 0,'71-ly.i PEEEECT COMBUSTION. SIGNAL LIGHT. The II i si nud only seir ieedlug Anlliincllo Coal stole uicr invenieii uuu urn i cnuuj t'liusuliieiall lho gases-. ,. Wuiiantcd tho llFbT HEAllNU STOVE lho count I y. Send for Price List and Circular In MlTlilF.LI., SIEVENSON CO,, htue .Miinulaetureis, PllUbuigh, Pa. lu BUSINESS CARDS, VISITINCIC'ARIW, F.TTER HEAPB, HILL HEADS, PROORAMwra, POSTERS, eia, eSO, Ncmtly and Cheaply Printed Ftr.ra the Latest Hlyles nlTypo at the COLUMBIA n OFr-iOL', BLOOMSBURG, PA., Poetical. llosierii!c. 1 Our fathers In tho olden lime, 1 hrough hopes nnd fears, on unknown teas, HnlledeTcrmoro from cllmo to clime In search of tho llcspcrldes, 11 Far on", beneath tho silent Wet t. With troubled waters rolled lirtvicn, Tlio uardens of ctornal rest, In dreams as vacuo as life, wero seen, III Iho EOldcn apples, now as then, lly drnijous guarded with such cjro, Seem heller to tho sons of men Than orchards nenrer homo can bear. IV "Somowherc, beyond tlio sunset seas,"' Our holpless human natures cry, 'lho Islands of unending eases And never-ceasing summer lie," V Tho routes wo choose, lho charts we use, Aro various as our varied Blilnsi And ever as lho stars we loso lu somo l'.uioclydon eclipse, VI Our fcehlo honrts within us fall. And w e grow weary of our lot As through tho dark wodrllt.and hall ho loueeel.for. Heavenly Harbor not, VII O, fellow-voj-jiEerl to whom lho land seems far, the billows cold: Wo m.iy not, without pain, presume To pluck tho fablod fiult of gold, VIII Willi patlonco working, let us take, In reverent lalth nnd childlike trust, Tho winds of Uod as they may lirOAlc About our little lives of dust. IX Our shlpi will rencli, full soon, a shore I'lO'C sheltered from the surgl ng seas, Win le Doubt and Danger iruard no more The eroves of tho llespcrldes. Miscellaneous. Humors of tl'.c Pension Ofllcp. S'uico I wrolc lust I'vo been to Wash ington. It's a prcat place. I went down lo fpo Mr. IJiiiicomhe, tho Pen sion A!Piit, nnd I tiiinl: perhaps if I'd stayed ihere six months I tniRht havo teen his aunt, hut I hadn't the time, o I pnvo it up. I'vo been trying for ten years to get a pension out of tlio United States for an old lady, Just turned 04, whoso son was killed during tho lalo unpleasant ness, leaving her without a cent in tho world without any support whatever. Tl.o routino through which this old lady and 1 havo passed is long, not to say everlasting, and if wo should livo until she got tho money, wo would ho worse than tho Wandering Jew forage, and could discount Methuselah aa ea'y as winliing. The simplo story of tho claim is that the woman had a son who supported her. Ho was ass enough to bo patriot ic, enlisted in tho navy, died in service and left a few dollars, back dues, which .vero duly paid his mother. Of all this fullest proof was long sinr.o sent on. Now, then, for tho "gentlemanly" clerks. About two years after tho claim is pre?entcd tho Department 'writes a let t. r to tho mother nnd asks: 1. What's you real name? :!. Aro you suro you ain't lying'.' What was your son's naino ',' Aro you suro ho was a boy ? Wherodld ho tlio ? How do you know? Was ho married? I. r. 0. If yes, did ho havo children; if no, how can you swear ho hasn't? !). You say you aro a widow. Havo yuii any thought of remarrying, and aro you prepared to say you don't oc casionally ilirt, or wouldu't if you had a chance? 10. Remember tho Ninth Command ment, and send your answer to this Department. 11. Have your nffl lavits written In red ink, nnd signed by a notary public, -with evidences of moral character, and a certificate of birth. Well, all this is dono Just as the De partincnt desires, and sent on, Months pass on. Gr.md Jurlts oven como and go. Occasionally men nro convicted and women hung. Children tiro horn and events crowd tho record. Timo succeeds time, and tho widow starves or begs as best sho can, when, to her intense delight, n lingo odlclal letter comes, aud sho opens it to find money? Not much, but another string of questions. 1. Aro you suro you aro tlio .mother of that man ? 2. Couldn't ho havo been changed by the nurse, and If so what guarauteo has this department that after you havo spent tho money tho nurse won't til vulgo the facts, and tho real mother do mand her dues ? !!. Who saw him tlio? If his com rades, send on their affidavits with cer tificates in triplication of his baptism anil first communion; If no one, then with what check do you asert that ho ever died at all? 1. What ticket did your sou, if ho was your son, voto ? If any.say what ; if not, say what ho would have voted If ho had voted. o. What uso can eight dollars a month ho to you, anyhow? If none, what do you aslc for it for; If much how can you nirnrd all this correspond unco ami notarial fecw? (I. Do you know any mother who got a pension, and If so, did sho put you up to this application ? If yes, aren't you ns!iamcti of yourself ; If no, how eanio you to think of it? 7. Was your sou, If ho was yourson, hopefully pious, and If bo, how much eo? 8, What do you think of femalo suf frage, nud nro you prepared to stand 11 percent, t month on -your pension when you get it? Of.courto tho proper answers were 6ent to these, and letter after letter fol lowed them. In tho nunnllmc, tho old lady grow older. Her goods and chat ties wero sold for rent and groceries ; her only ring was pawned, her friends wero exhausted, an I sho hung hopeful ly on tho delusion that Eoiiicthlng would turn up, and it did. 'Twas an other big letter, and this Is what it said: FRIDAY, MARCH Pension Department, ) Wahiiinoton, D, 0, J MADAME! Your claim. No. 00001002. 00.10001, Navy Mothers, has been beforo tins uepartmotn somo uigni or ten years. If you wero eighty-four years of ago then, you must bo ninety-four now, nud it would bo manifestly unfair, not to say impracticable, for this depart ment to deal with a woman oi ninety four as If she weto a woman of eighty. four. Tho Information furnished this department is so moitgro Hint wo can not proceed even to consider yourclnim without further nroof. At nresent we simply know that your son was killed in soivicoanu you neeu a pension, uu vlously that's too thin. Permit mo to call your attention to tho enclosed quo nes, nnu lo remind you uuu perjury is ono of tho greatest "Vices. Atcspeeiiuuy, your oucuicnt servani, J. II. BUNCOMlIU, Commissioner. Well, tho old lady put on her specs, awl I 'Md, too, nnd wo read as follows: 1. What was tho natno of your sou ? t!. Who was ho named after, and did hoglvohim a silver cup? If yes, let this department havo a certified copy, In duplicate, of the receipted bill; If not, why not ? !). I low old was ho ? 1. How happened ho to attain that ago without being married? i. Did ho leavo you any effects ? no books, no Jewels, no Etruscan vases, no cosily silver service, no piano? If yes, where did ho get 'em ? If no, this de partment Is sorry. 0. Hnvo you assigned this claim to my agent? If yes, don't you seo you've broken tho law; If not, how can you expect to get a claim through with out nn agent? 7. Plea-iosoud this Department, in triplicate-, proof that you havo a bona fide interest in this claim, and that no maiden sister is to sharo It with you, and thus livo surreptitiously on this Department. ft. It is necessary for you to como to Washington in person. If you do, you will bo told what It Is necessary to prove ; if you don't, this Department is absolved from further interest in the premises. When I read this to tho old lady, sho took snuff, turned her face to tho wall, hauled up her knees, vowed sho didn't caro a cuss for tho pension anyhow, aud gavo up tho ghost. Then I wrototho Commissioner that sho was dead, and ho wroto mo that ho was sorry, but ho really didn't seo what that had to do with her claim. He said her heirs must carry it on. I replied bho had no heirs. Ho said ho wanted proof, in triplicalo of Unit fact, and sent mo a stringof questions to answer about my natno and birth and circumstances, evidently hoping to mako mo crazy. I sent them back, and hang mo if ho hasn't just sent an officer hero with in structions to arrest me, unless I can provo llml 1. 1 was vaccinnateel beforo I first sent on tho old lady's application. '2. I was of full ago .when I married, and !!. I am not Ihu old lady herself in disguise, and endeavoring to swindlo tho government out of 3 a month. Const fluently, I advise all old ladles who havo hopes, to relinquish them, nnd I adviso nil young men who havo old ladies to get rid of them. Yours truly, Hon. M. T, Juna, Esq. .V Plinntotn ll.iilro.nl Train. Tho Columbia Coitrcwt Is responsible for the following : Tho "debbll am out on it big rampage" along tho lino of tho Pennsylvania railroad. IIo is seen at various places along tho road, and in different shapes. Ono night last week, after tlio Philadelphia express loft Tyrono station, his Satanic Majesty got on tho cngino with Sol. Hofmastcr. IIo looked around for a moment, then tak ing the poker from tho fireman , opened tho firo door and stirred the fin, at tho same timo sticking his feet in. Ho then eat down, stretching out his immense legs and bringing his tail around laid it between his cloven hoofs. Sometimes wings could bo seen about hlsshoulders. Ho was very particular about tho firo; sometimes ho would put his head in tho fire-box aud look around, then throw In his tall, stirring tlio firo at it rapid rate. By this timo ho had got warmed up, and so had tho engineer and fireman, who wero nearly scared to death. Tho eiigino was making about thirty-flvo miles an hour when thodovil picked up tho oil can, went out and oiletl tho locomotive in all Its parts. IIo then re turned, and requested Mr. llofuiaster to slack up and let him offnt bridgo No, 0 ; but Mr. H. tcld liim ho might get ofi1 tho samo way ho got on. Tho engine was then running at a fearful rato of speed, anil Mr. Devil stepped on ono side and disappeared. Wo learn sinco that a phantom train was seen in tho vicinity of tho Gap, Somo nights ago, David Vf.yne, engi neer of -177, had btoppid for somo pur puae, ivheu a train was heard approach ing at a rapid rate. Knowing there was no train duo ut that hour, schedules wero examined carefully ; but tho stran ger could not bo mado out. At length it eamo thundering around thocurvc with an immciiso head-light and other equipments. Tho canduetor, II. Bell, engiiicer, firomaii and brakemau all heard the train coming. Tlio ilagmnn, John K. Newell, immediately went back with a light nud placed signal caps upon tho rails. Tho phantom tralncame, making tho usual noise, and lighting up tho whole track with its hugo lurid glare, when In a twinkle tho wholo thing disappeared, Somo say It was old Amos Clenison's train tho notorious leader of tho Gap gang, who died sever al yeats ago and that ho was aboard s vlnnlng u red light furiously. Julia Filbert, engineer of tho Lancas ter train, informs us that when ap proaching Bequest bridge, somo nights ago, ho saw lho devil on tho cowcatch cr of his engine. Ho was running ut tho rato of thirty miles an hour, Ho quick ly shut oil' tho steam and slackened up, but could not sco anything more of tlio strange object. These stories uro creat ing a great deal of comment among railroad men, Wo glvo them aa told to us, nud leavo our readers to draw their own conclusions. 1, 1872. (JOL. What I Know About Doughnuts." The following letter was read recently beforo tho Pennsylvania Senntonttho request of ono of tho members. As every thing that comes from tho pen of tho farmer-editor Is doubly interesting wo glvo It entire: TiiniUNE Or.ncE, Jan. 27, 1872. Mr. J.T., Reading, Pa: My Dear Sir Your favor of tho 20th Inst., Isjust received in reforenco to tho admission of colored children into tho public schools of our city, nnd contain ing a copy ofyourremarksatn meeting held by your colored citizens. I will forward your remarks to Washington us requested, and I think you need havo no fears of removal. I um forming no opinion ust now on thd question, but think Mr. Sumner's bill will settlo tho wholo matter. A great deal of my timo tho past season has been occupied in preparing a newaud enlarged cdltlonof "What I Know about Farmlng,"a most excellent aud serviceable book, which I think yon ought to havo. (I will send you a copy, postngo prepaid, on receipt of price: Si, 50) As tho season Is advanced and has kept mo lu tho houso n great deal, I have been trying to better the condition of our people by endeavor ing to make improvements in cooking. For somo years I have found that doughnuts Ho too heavy on my stomach, which my physicians attrlbuto to tho fat In which they arc fried. They tell mo that a doughnut contains about eight times as much fat as Is consistent with a doughnut. To overcomothls dlfllculty,I havo gono to cousldorablo philosophical research. By using only ono eighth of tho usual amount of fat for frying them, Mrs. Greeley assurod mo the doughnuts would burn. By using eight times as much Hour I would havo just eight times as many doughnuts as I wnnted. I therefore determined touso eighttlmes tho usual quantity of sots. Mrs. G. mixed up tho batter in lho bread bowl, nnu Having matlo most exact propor tions, I put In oilo pint of sots. Tho next morning, on entering tho kitchen, wo found that our batch of douehnuts had risen about ninety degrees abovo our highest expectations, and the tido was still rising. Mrs. G. heated tho lard whilo I tried to stir down tho bat ter, but all to no use. I poured in somo fat, but it only spritzed and crackled, and I was mortified to find my experi ment a failuro as tho doughnuts would not stick together. Too much sots in a doughnut is worse than CnrlSchurzln a caucus. But I was not dismayed. Education had dono much for tho human mind, and thero Is no reason in philosophy why It should not do as much for dough- outs. To preserve tho tonoofthedough nuts without tho fat, I substituted alco hoi for lard, but tho consequenco was that Mrs. G. and myself narrowly es eaped with our lives. Wo only saved thrco doughnuts out of tho batch, two of which we ato and sent tho third to Mr. Beecher. They wero truly delicious, but they nro too high priced and tho manufacture is attended with too much risk for tills brand ever to becomo a popular article of diet. Those wo mado cost about seventy-thrco cents a pieco Let me hear what your colored citi zens aro going to do with the school board. I hear that in your vicinity you raiso a small fruit called pretzels, which aro said to bo good when cooked. Please send me a few seed, nud I will sot them out in tho spring. Yours truly, Horace Greeley". P. S. When passing through Allen- town some llmoago, a boy camothrough the cars with cakes and a peculiar fruit called snlts, 1 bought a few and set them oul, but fear our climato is too se vero for them. If you will bo kind enough to send mo a few healthy vines, 1 would Ilka to glvo them another trial In my green house. II. G. A Tlionglitfid Boy. A precocious youth of Altoona, Penn., having surreptitiously obtained a pack- ago of powder and a ci.iiir stump, tho other evening, soon realized tho fact that the way of tho transgressor Is hard. Whilo smoking lho cigar-stump, ho saw his mother coming towarit mm, and at onco slid tho cigar, iijto tho pock et containing tho powder. His hand, tho cigar, nnd tlio powder got out of that pocket "quicker'n blazes," nnd tho youthful hero Is now securely "bot tled up" for a few day's rest at homo. This Altoona boy was thoughtful be yond his years. Realizing that ho had no right to bo smoking, ho provided the means to blow himself up, and thus savo his mother that trouble. How few children arc thus thoughtful to keep unnecessary caro from their parents, And when wo remember how much anxiety in tho tender years of Infancy, etc., etc. Taking Cold. If a cold settles on tho outer covering of tho lungs It be comes pneumonia, inflammation of tho lungs, or lung fover, which In many cases carries tho strongest man to his gravo within a week. If a cold falls up on tho Inner covering of tho lungs It Is pleurisy, with Its knlfo-llko pains, and slow, very slow recoveries. If n cold settles in tho Joints, thero Is rheuma tism in Its various forms; Inflammatory rheumatism, with Its agonies of pain, and rheumatism of tho heart, which In nn instant Bomotlmcs snaps tho cord of life with no friendly warning. It Is of tho utmost practical Importance, then, In this wintry weather to know, not so much how to euro a cold, as how to a void it. Colds always como from ono cause, somo part or tho wholo of tho body being colder than natural font timo. If u man will keep his feet al ways warm and never allow hlmsolf to chbo Hied ho will never tako cold In a lifetime, and this can only bo accom plished by duo caro In warm clothing and tho avoldancoof draughts and un duo exposure. Whilo multitudes of colds como from cold feet, porhaps tho majority ariso from cooling offtoo quick ly after becoming a llttlo warmer than Is natural from oxcrciso, or work, or from confinement In n warm apartment. DEM. - VOL. XXXVI NO. 2. The Postmaster at haVe (Icorge. 11Y IJON l'lATT. This Summer's rush of peoplo play ed said havoc with lho malls. A poor oM postmaster, accustomed to half doz en letters n week nnd n fair lot of nows papers, suddenly finds himself over whelmed with mall matter. Bags tumbled in on hltn filled to bursting. IIo nt first attempts to sort and distri bute lho contonts, then worrlod to death by tho roar of voices demanding their lettcr3,ho turns over thobuslnoss to tho clerks and messengers of hotols and boarding-houses. Tho letters In this way como nftor a timo to tho wrong peoplo, but tho Journals nro never heard of. I had boon at Lake George somo two weeks without getting any mall matter, although I had sont over almost overy day. Wearied out at last, I wont my self. I found n llttlo sandy-haired heavy-Jawed, full-stomached man peg ging away at an old boot, on n cobbler's bench. I asked this industrious son of St. Crispin for tho postmaster. "I'm him," responded thoshocmen dor. He might bo a Sam or a him, but I looked Incredulous upon the fact assert ed or referred to, of postniastershlp. Ho continued to drivo in tho pegs, whist ling, in u waxy way, a tuno that, whon accompanied by the proper words, ro fers to somo sort of eccentricity of tho weasel when popping, whatover that may bo. I looked at this vegotablo production with carroty hair and red dish cheeks, as ho pegged and popped, and finding that ho intended taking no further notice or me, I mildly sugjost that If ho wero tho postmaster, I would bo pleased to got my letters and pa pers. "What's your namo?" ho asked, suspending tho whistled popping of tho weasel, but going on with his exaspera ting work. I responded by giving tho cognomen, and was told, briefly, In words to wit : "Ain't nothing for you,1' and then ho look up tho extraordinary weasel. I remonstrated, and asserted that thero must bo somo mistake. "Well," ho said, "go look for your self. There's tho P's." I did as directed, und found eighteen letters and a pile of newspapers. "What tho dovil do you mean by say ing I had no mail?" "Is that your name," ho asked, coolly. "Certainly, It is." "Well, I thought it was Daniel Pratt," I was rapidly resolving Into an indig nation meeting, with divers resolutions, aud a strong tendency to punch some body's head, "You thought that namo Daniel Pratt, did you? Well, It strikes mo that it would bo well for you to learn reading and writing beforo playing tho dovil in a post-ofilco." "Well, stranger," ho responded, sus pending both music and work, "of I had such an outlandish namo as your'n, I'd go back and bo a baby, so as to bo christened over, I would." I found that tho llttlo red-headed wood-pecker was getting tho better of tho coutroversy, and so prudently with drew. He had hit me, unwittingly, on a tender place; but I did nit love him any tho better for that. With somo in dignation, I stated my grievances at tho hotel, and an old frequenter of Lake George told mo that tho postmaster was ono of tho features of tho place. Ho had been In office from an early day, and was a man of varied accomplishments. Ho was postmaster, magistrate, shoemaker and at one timo kept a stud horse, Thero is a tradition afloat that, years ago, ho found tho law which required him to bo In his office every day very embarrassing, so no compromised by putting all tho letters in his hat, and carrying tho post-ofilco around with him. Tho searcher after mall-matter would havo to run tho post-ofilco down and when found, tho obliging officer would pour the letters upon lho floor, or ground, andlct thecurlous Individual search for himself. When tho letters got to bo so greasy and soiled as not to bo legible, ho would forward them to Washington as dead letters. Thero Is no uso complaining of tho short-comings and deficiencies of this official, for ho cannot bo turned out. Thero Is no ono about Caldwell will ing to bo his successor. Andy Johnson tried to mako tho postmaster nt Cald well understand his policy. A corres pondence sprang up In reply to a circu lar Issued by Andy's Postmaster-Gen-era), but this high functionary could not read tho Caldwell man's writing, nnd tho last named could not understand tho policy. At last It reached a point whero the cabinet officer was nblo to mako out ono lino. It read as follows ; "Your pollsy bo dammed." This was a strong sontlmcnt, and spelled with groat vigor Andy got In n great rage, and ordered tho offico to bo given to a new man. But tho now man could not bo found. No ono would havo tho placo. So thd con tumnclous orlhographlst of a profano turn was permitted to remain, and will remain, so long as tho Lord permits him to cumber tho sandy soil about Cald well. A Giant Tree. It seems that gi gantic trees nro not peculiar to Califor nia. A correspondent from Brazil writ ing to a contemporary, describes ono Just felled In that country, a part of which Is to bo sont to a museum in Eu rope, and which if wo may credit tho account, deserves to rank among tho most glgantio of tho giants : "This treo was on tho locality called Calavoras; livo woodcutters wero 25 day9 in cutting it down ; It was 302 feet high, and Its diameter 02 It was cutjat about 0 feot from tho ground, nnd as a curiosity, tho part of tho trunk remain ing has been adapted for a dancing sa loon, In which 32 persons can danco with caso tho doublo cotillion, leaving room for tho orchostra and tho spocta tors. By tho number of rings peculiar to that kind oftreo it is calculated that this ono was 2,500 years old." Ono inch, (IwekB llnM'or lis equivalent In Nonprelltype)oneor tvfolnicitloni,JI,OUiroo lnteitloni, I1W SPACK. 1, 2M. IH. 6M. It. Ono Inch MM 11,00 H.00 t"."0 Two Inenc! . 8,w 6 W 7,(0 ,) Ifl,W) Three. Inches 6,(iu 7,'W V,t 12,") Kourlncbeii ,) B.iiu 11, on 17,0) !!5,i Unnrlor column lo,) 12,((J H,oi) a,( , ),' Half column IS.00 l,oo awo w,(w w,m ono column so.w 88,ot) 40,00 tw.oo loo.oi Kxecnlor's or Admlnlilrntor's Notice, H0 Auditor's or Asilg neo' Notice, 12A Ixical notices, twenty cents a lino. Cards In the "IitislncM Directory" column, 12,00 ier yenr for the cm lwo lines, nnd tl,W for each addUlonal line. Humorous. Barnum lias n cannibal girl on exhi bition in Now York. Parties visiting hor with tho view of seeing her eat nro required to furnish tho missionary t,hoinselvcs. "Assaults, with Intent to becomo In sano," Is tho way they put It now in announcing homicidal attacks. Woman first tempted man to oat. Ho took to drinking on his own ac count. During a recent cold snap, a county court in Texas had to adjourn until tho county could borrow flvo dollars of tho deputy shorliT to buy fuel for heating tho coutt-room. Such Is tho dread of small-pox nt tho West that ono of tho papers thero sug gested that tho Stato arms bo vaccln ated. A young lady of Indianapolis, whose sister's funeral occurred last week, ex cused herself from attending tho obse quies by saying that her own wedding was to tako place tho samo evening, nnd tho funeral wouldn't leavo hor in cood spirits for tho pleasurablo accompani ments of tho latter occasion; besides, sho had no time. Tho following is a fashionnblo way to play a three-handed gamoof cards In Texas. Tho first holds tho cards, tho second a revolver, and tho coroner tho inquest. Tho Baptists of Lafayotto, lud., nro at loggerheads on tho question, "Shall tho blocks for tho Nicholson pavement besprinkled or immersed?" Work is suspended until tho question shall bo decided. A Western girl, who has been well brought up, knocks down every man that kisses her, and sho is so pretty that half tho married and all the single men in town havo black eyes. A Danbury Gorman Is named Wach schlclghcmsliamel. How would you liko to stand on a back stoop, with tho thermometer 11 degrees below zero, nnd call that chap in lo breakfast? A romantic pair wero blessed with a number of daughters, th eldest of whom was named Caroline, tho second Madeline, tho third Evallne, tho fourth Angellne, and tho fifth Evangeline. Finally, a sixth daughter was born to them, and for a time they could find no namo for It with thodesired termination whon suddenly tho mother exclaimed, "I have it : wo'll name her Crinoline 1" and it was dono. Rov. Gcorgo Moore, of Edinburgh, was riding, ono snowy day. muffied up in a Spanish cloak, and with a woman's shawl tied around his neck nnd shoul ders. These garments, flapping in the wind, startled tho horse of a "commer cial traveller" who met tho divine, and who, irritated at tho plunging of his steed, exclaimed, "You would frlghton thodovil, sirl" "Maybo," answered Mr. Moore, "for it's Just my trado." Who is tho straightrat man mention ed In tho Bible? Joseph because Pha roah mado a ruler of him. A man in Berea, Ohio, has had a hard time trying to part with the family cat. Ho has drowned her twice, shot four teen rifle balls through her vitals, given her half a pound of strychnine, com mlttcd hnri kari on her with a pitch fork, and tho only effect perceptible is a trifle moro tono to her volco and a bay window over ono eye. A man in Memphis, desiring to seo tho Grand Duko, took off his coat, nnd carried a largo Saratoga trunk on his shoulders up stairs, thus avoiding the police, who had strict orders to keep all strangers out of tho Pcabody House. After carrying a two-hundrcd-pound trunk up two flights of stairs, ho didn't seo the Giand Duko, and found some body had stolen his coat. A Chinaman, who had his nose bit off in a fight in San Francisco, had It caro fully packed and sent back home, to show his friends ono of tho American customs. Tho Chicago Post claims to havo on its editorial stair a lady of extraordina ry abilities. Tho editor says ho "never knew any ono who could write with equal easo upon so singular a rango of topics with information so exact lu do tall." Whereupon an envious contem porary asks tho Post why it never pub lishes any of her articles? Two colored boys at Walllngford, Conn., hunted raccoons tho other day, ono of them climbing tho treo and stir ring up tho "varmints," whilo the oth er blazed away from bolow. They got four 'coons, and tho.vouncster who stir red them up got forty-fivo buckshot In nis leg. A laughable thine took place at a ro- vlval meeting somowhero in Mississip pi not long since. Tito minister notic ed a seedv looking chan In ono of tho seats, looking as though ho needed ro- iigiouor a cooa sauaro meal, so lie stepped up to him and asked If ho was a cnnstian. "jso, sir," saiu no; "i am an editor of tho radical paper in this place." "Then, in the namo of God, let us pray I" replied tho devoted minister. A definition of the difference between tho "Old School" and "New School." has been given thus: "Tho children of Old School Presbyterians sin as soon as tney aro unrn. anti tlio children of New School Presbyterians ns soon as they Know now 1' Tho enterprising Individual who Is organizing a brass band of twenty wo men in Cincinnati, says if they learn half so many "nlrs" ns thoy put on, tho experiment cannot fall to bo a success. Tho wlfo of a member of tho Arizona Legislature, whoso house, when her husband was absent on his legislative duties, was attacked by Indians, shot Blx, and the noxt day wroto to her hus band, "Dear John, tho Apaches attacu eel tho rancho. I havo won tho fight. You need not como yourself, but send somo moro ammunition." A Westorn editor, who doesn't know much about farming anyway, suggests that for garden-raaklug n cast Iron back, with a hlngo in it. would bo an im provement on tho spinal column now in uso. Artomus Ward was on n slow Califor nia train, and ho went to tho conductor nnd suggested that tho cow catchor was on tho wrong ond of tho train ; for, saiu no, "You will never ovcrtnKo a cow, you know, but If you'd put It on tno oilier cnu, it might bo useiui, lor now thero'a nothln1 on earth to hendor u cow from walkln' right In and bltln tho folks l" In nn article on a recent fair in that city, tho editor of a Macon paper, soys a brother editor, took a valuaulo pre mium, but an unkind policeman mado lit in put it right back whero ho took It from. An nlllteratlvo Illinois reporter fath ers tho iollowlug: "Parson Palmer, of Padola, Is tho proprietor of a pen of pigs. Theso pigs escaped nnd persecuted it peaceablo neighbor named Piper. Piper persuad ed them off his premises with dogs, nud punished Palmer's boy. Tho Par son paid his respects to Piper, prating of n prospectlvo prosecution, and was In turn pounded to n pulp by tho pre clpltato Piper. Tho penitent man at present languishes In prison."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers