r iJlte GfolumMim AND rsPUnLI81tKl KVEIIY FltttlAY MOIIN1NO 18 TI1K OOI.UM11IAN Btni.tltMl NEAltTUK fouuTltousit, jiLoomiiunn, rA nv CHARLES B. BROCKWAY, tnrron Awn mornm-ron, jerms-Two Dollars a Year payablo in advaaeo, JOB PniKTIITQ Of.illdcscrlptlons executed with iicntuoss nnd ilispaicn ni reasminme ihicb Columbia Oountv Official Dirootory, Associate Judga-XuAU Ditiin, Isaac B. Mon- Ihvlhonotttn. .tr. KtttioM'it It. IttNeii.FU. Jt$Mc7Wm nler-WiM.tAMSoN II.JAConv. Dtitrlrt ,tHonr!-JAMr.H llhYEoN, Jti. S'irrtT-AAltON BM1TH. WttW-lAAO DKWITT. ' 2rniirn WlI.MAM LAMON. CfctMWllMlMICM 1 1 Ht'H ItOllllIKS, ltlltAlt J, llKl IiFlt. WIM.lAJJHIlAriEll. CWiimOtimiMM' Wert Wll MAM KlttcmtAttM, AtulltuiV. J. CAMrnm.b, DAK1M. J.EE, CltAllMHl'INNKH toroiifP-CilAlcl.PS 0, Mt'l'.PIlV. ,nr); CBinmiMKJKM-lSAAC Mr;lli:ll)E,JollK Mo ACoiiiV ,wcrinm;n,(-li,AHl.L3 U.Baivki.ey J, k,i.). J'rur 7.(-rrt,'-Dli triors, H. II. Mit.t.r.n Vril.i.lAM KltAMH!, hlocmsburg, nnil JoilNSoll Ii.i i.nt, (iiceiiwcoel, tliAHLtsCosiNMi.Hco'y. Blooiusburg Official Directory, Jltimulvrn 7,'ntV. nn Co. John A. PL'KSTOIt PrcKiitint, H. H. Gnoiz, Cnshler. .. ,, ii-( Xattonnt V.'nn.-CllAS. It. l'AXTOJf.Prcs't , J. 1". Ti'sTiJ.-. Caviller. ... CXilvu.t.tat itintli MHtualSavhia I'lmtlnml JJinnAI' toctatlon-K. 11. Little, l'res't., C. W. Mim.kii. Ylloimrbvrn IhtihUntt and timing Fund Assnw tion WM. Pi:a ock, Pios't., J, 11. ItontPON, Bee. JIUnmiuvrii Mutual Farina Ivnd Association J.J. lutowi.li, Pieslelent, C. 0.1UUK1.KY, Kco'y, Bloomcburg Directory. l)Ac 1 It 11AOH lust rccelviel nnd for sale at tlio CoLt'MiilAN Olllre. OLOT illNO, AC.' " DAVIl) LOWENBEIIG, MerchautTaltor.Mniu bt. , above American House, w M. MOllUIH, Merchant Tailor comer of Cen tre tuia uain si., over Aimer a bioiu. DRUGS, CHEMICALS. etc. El'. LUT, DrugglstandApotbecary.Malnst. , below tho Post Olllce. CLOCKS, WATCHES, AC. CI i:.MAVA(li:, dealer In Cloclin, Watches nud ). Jewelry, Miifn St., Just helow the Amerkuu House. I ol'lrt IlIlltNHAnD, Wnlch and Clock maker II near southeast col nor Mnlnniid lion BtH. R CATIICAItT, Walch and Clock linker, Mar ket street, below Main, BOOTS AND SHOES. If SI. KNOHIt, Dealer In Hoots nnd Shoes, laleM 'j, nud bin styli's, cniiier JIalu uiid Jlaiket Mlicits, In tlio old I'o.stOHIce. i.VVIt) 1IKTZ, Hoot nud Hhneinnher, Slain bt. iJ below llartman'sBloro.wcst ol Market. HUNltY KI.l'.lSI, Slnnuracturer nnd dealer In HooIh and Shoes, Urucerles, ttc, Main htreet, luist llloomsbuitf. 1UIOFESSIONAL 1) It. II. O. liowr.lt, Burgeon Dentist, Jlnln St., noovo tho uouri House, D it. W.M. M Itr.IlDlt. Hureeon nud l'hvclc an. OHlco over tlio l lisi niiuinial iiauK. CO. llARKLUV, Atlorney-at-I,aw. OOlcc.Sd , iloorlu fc.xchuuge Uluck, near the "Kxchauge 1 otel. 11. McKi:i,VY,SI. D.,RurBeon nnd 1'hjslclan . noitubiuu laiu si,, ueiow iuuruei. T (I. HUTTKK, M. 1). Silicon an 1 riiyslcian rl . .Mantel street, auovo .laiu. 1 1!. I101HHON, Atlorney-nt-I,aw, OUlcolIart tj man's building, Main bticet. nit. 11 KINNKY, Kurgenn Heutlst. Teeth Ij extracted without pain; iviaiu St., ucariy oi)- oslto Episcopal Chuich, T It. i;'ANH. M. D, Kurceon and l'hvslclan. il solltli sldoJl n fctieei. ueiow isiantei. Dlt. A. U I'll UN Ell, I'hys'clan and Surgenn, or llcu over IClelm's Diui: btoro, luhldmco one door below Itev. D. J.'Wulltr. MILLINERY & FANCY GOODS. BPKTKIIMAN, Millinery and Knney Ooods, , opposite Episcopal Chuich, Main bt, IBS LIZZIE HAltKLEY, Sllll'ncr, ltamsey butlulnt; Main btiett. M 1KB M. DEltlllCKBON, Millinery and Paucy Uoods, Maihbt,, ueiow .Market. M118. JULIA A. & BADE liAI'.KLEY, Ladle8 Cloaks nnd Dress Pattcruj, southeast corner Main and West bts, fliHL MIBBEB 1IAHMAN Mllllucry nnd Fancy 1 tloods, Main bt., below American House, HOTELS AND SALOONS. 1,1011KB HOTEL, by T. i' of Main sticet. llcut. Taylor, east end MERCHANTS AND GROCEHS. (1 C. MAHH, Dry Ooods nud Notions, south U west corner Main and Iron Ms. IiOX A WE11U, Confectionery nnd Itakery, 1 wholesalo and retail, Exchango lilock. C. HOWEIl, lints nnd Caps, Hoots audShoes, Main sl above Court House. H. MAIZE, Mammoth Orocery, eerie, Fruits, Nuts, Provision, rlno Oro &c, Mnln nnd Centre Blieets, MMCP.r.VY, NEAL& CO., dealers In Dry Ooods, Oi ocerics, Flour, Feed, Halt, Fish, Iron, Nails, clc.N. E. cor. Main anil Mnlkot its. 11. MILLEIl & SON, dealers In Dry Goods, , Groceries, Queeusvuire, Flour, Bait, Bhoes, motions, etc, Main bt. MISCELLANEOUS. n SI. CIIUIBTilAN, Baddle, Trunk Harness- mnker, Blilvo's lilock Main Btreet. D Y. ItOIlIUNS, liquor dealersecoud door from northwest comer Slain aud Iron bis. T.1 J. T1IOHNTON, Wail Paper, Window Shades Ll. auu nxinres, ituperi uiock. jMnin si. W. COHELL, Furniture llooms, three story brick, .Main street, west, oi aiarac-i bt. l!OBENSTOCK,Photo?rapher, over Kobblnii .V i;yer s store, 1.1am hi. H. KFHN, dcnlerln Meat, Tallow, etc., Chene bet tin's alloy, learol American Houso. DAMPKL JACOBY, Marble anil Brown Btono n works, t;ast BioomsunrK.nerwick roau, WM, I1ABU, dealer In furniture, truuUH, cede! v uiow are, near tue eorKs iioiei. ri 11, 11IDLEMAN, Agent for SIuU3on's Copper W xuuuinr i.igniuir.g kou. ft I'OSTEIt.Olue Slnker.uud White nudFancy j. iunner, scotiown. TVTOTE BOOKB, and blank NOTEB.wlthorwitle IN out exemption, for balo at tho L'oLl)uuiA CatawiGsa. B, F. DALLMAN, Merchant Tailor, Uecond Bt, llobblus' Building, !It. J, ItOBBINB, Burgeon and Physician V Second Bt below Main, niLBEP.T A KLINE, dry goods, groceries, nnd u General mercuauiuso, iiuin nirtei I B, KIBTLEH, "CaltawlBsa House," North u , lomtr jiuiu i and Heeond Streets. ) KKILEIl, Billard Baloou, OybteiB, and Ice U. K leuui ill m;uuii iiiamot. J M. BH011ST, dealer In OeneralMerchandlsc ill. Dry Gnoiis. uioceries ac. rtlTRiiiTi'irANNA or Illicit Hotel. B. lfosteu ij bauder Pioprletor.south-cnstcoruerSlalnand necouu sit cel. TH. 11. ABBOTT, Attorney at law, Slain Bt. Light Street. ir p. OMAN & Co., Wheelwrights, first door above School House. TOIIN A, OMAN, Manufacturer and dealer tn u iioois una Duoes UK, KNT, denier lu Stoves aud Tin Vnre In nil Its branches, PLTI.Il I NT, Miller, ami denier In ull kinds ot Giuln, Hour, Hid, Ac, All kinds ol Grain purchased, Espy. ,1 1). WKUKnElBEH.BootaudBkoeHtorotimt luauitluctoiy. Bhuu on Mulu Btreet op posite tho Bloom Mill. 'It W. KDGAIt, Kuseiueliunua Planlug Mill I aud Box Slanufucturlug, Buck Horn. G. AW. 11. MHIKMAKKH. dealers In dry M yoods, groeelerles nnd general merchatidso V0LUMEVI.---N0.8. O range villo Directory. II. HICIlltlNll & linOTIiril.t'arpcntersnnd nlldcis, Main st,, below l'lue. DltlL'If HOTHIi and refreslimenl Knloon, by D HohrM'lIenry cor.ofMnln and I'lnont, Dlt. O. A. Mt:aAU(ir.t.,thyslclnnniiit Burgeon Mnln st,, next door to Uood's Hotel, DAVID UnitltINO, KlnurnnuOrlstMlll.autl Dealer in grain, SI111 street. TAMUH 11, HAKMAN, Cabinet Makor nnd Un. O dertaker. Main Ht,, below l'lne. ScnUYI,r,H A CO., Iron founuers.Mncliiiilsts uud Manufactuters ol plows, Mill tit. QAMUKI.BllAItl'LIlBf), Maker of thollayhtirst irnlu Cradle, Main Ht, WIM.IAM DrXONO Hhoemnkcrntiit manufac turer or llrick, Mill Bt., west of l'tuo Philadelphia Directory. Restaurant and Diniiii Rcoms. FllANK SMITH, Proinlctor. I'lin.ADELl'IIIA, N. It. Tlio location Is eentrnl, the assistants ntteiilive, and the labks supplied with tho best the imulu't atrords, iresh ana well cooked, Give him n call, T M. KEPHEART, tP O WITH BARNES, IJRO. & IIERKON, HATB, CAI'M, BTItAW O00DB & FUK8, Ko. m Market Street, (Abovo rifth,) rmtADELPittA, ' "WAINWRIGHT & CO., WlIOLUSALi: GROCKRH, If. V., Comer Btcond nnd Arch Streets, I'll II.A DELIMIT A, Dealers In THAU, BYltUPS, COFFKK, BUOAlt, MOLABHKJ3 kice, Bricra, in cAitn soda, ,tc, &v. -Ordcrs will rcclvo prompt intention. may 10,G7-lf. Business Cards. H BROCKWAY, ATTOUNKY AT LAW, HLOOMIinURO, l'A. ITS- Omen Court llouto Alley, In tho Cc i.ViiniAN building. Jant,'07. n W. MILLER, ' ATTOItNEY AT LAW, OIllco Court Uonso Alley, below tho Colum iiiANOnicc, Uoiiuties, l'.nek-l'ny ami Pensions collected. Illooinsburg Pn. hep.'J)'67 ROBERT P, CLARK, ATTOUNKY AT LAW, Office Main Street below tho Court House, nioom.shuig Pcuu'a. g II. LITTLE, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Onico rourt-ltouso Alley, below the CoLUM hian Ofllce, liloomsburg Pu, 0H. ARLES C. LEIDY, ATTtmXKY-AT-EiAW, OPI'ICE ON OAK STltLET, SIOUNT CAltMEI. KOUTIIUMIIKItl.AND COUNTY, l'A. Collections nromntlv made. Conveyancing neatly exceuleil am. nil other business connect ed Willi ills pot'esslon enielully attended to in Montour, Northumberland and Columbia conn- lies. ms.isio. .VRGAINS BARGAINS. QUICK BAI.r3 AND SMAT.T. PK0FIT3. SAVE YOUIl .MONEY. On to TIF.NllV YOST. F.nst JHoomsbum Pa., lor all kinds of the bfbt homo aud city made FUKSITUUti, Prices rcasonnhlo and the be- ""irk done. Jan l'7i-tf y ETER I NARY. AUGUST i iiii:nd, jiubllc as a eelebrnteil HORSE AND COW DOCTOR, and nil other nnlmnls, for which his charges am mooeiate. no can niwavs no loutui cast sine oi Herwkk rend, iteaiS.H.Jncohy'u Siarble Y'aid, iiioonisouig, .May i, isa-iy. m T fPTTn-nTrrn-M B J wmild nnnnmirft tn t lin rltl7niK of Uloomfi- bufj; nnd viclulty, tlmt ho hanjufat rocoived a fall "WALL 1'ArKH, WINDOW snAD8, PIXTUr.KS, CORDS, TASSELS, nnd nil niher troods In his lluo of InislneFS. All tlio newest and moht approved putterns of tho uay are aiwoyH 10 uo lomiu in nm esiaunuineuu raar.a, ou-ii iiain hi. ueiow iuuriiew M A G A ZI N ES . DA I Ij Y & WEEKLY TAl'-KItS OF ALL, KINDS at iuiz ucok tTOKE opi'CSiTnuii: cour.T HOUSE, AKn nn nssorlinent of rortemonnnlcs. Viyn Books And A count Hooks, cc nslnntly on hand, IIookh n oi on tiami ouiaiuru on t-uuri nuut-e. .New lUiouB aic consianiiy ueiug auucu xo ine iiiooms tnm uncniaunti i.iurarv." AnionMne lfiiti.!.! m "(inllt nnd 1 nnnpf nrt?." "Motlieriess." Mr iiarry," " not ttpur oi nuinuieinwau," nnu AtCKiuem," cic. mir fcP, i 11 jEW STOVE AND TIN SHOP. Mnln (Street ono door auovo U. MemlenhaU'H Btote. A largo fiK-sorimuni ai hiovci, iieAiers nnu llan;;es constantly on hand, and for Kilo ft tho lowest late, Tinnlnt! luall Us bmncliencarfifully nttendedto, inn hausiaciion fuarauieeu. rm woik oi au izinua wuoiesaie unu reiuu. lal 1h icquefited, Jan 171 0 lURLING CREAM. llv usinir lids nrtielo Indies nnd Ginllemen can I'ir.ulllv Ihciiisiliis a thousand lold. 'Ihls Is the only article that will curl straight hair, mntnlir-. It ntsn I II victim lis. beilUlifleS and vltmisih. Il cull bo m applied as to enuso tlio linlrto cml nny length ol lime desired. Bent by mall lor u us, u pnckagi'. Addiess Alll.EIt TtiWNBLEY, Mlddletown, Adams Co., Pa. bcptl'71-Cm. 1JLOOMSBUBG X. 3: A It ti 1 12 W O It El S. main Mitri'T, nnow maiiki;t, BI.OdSlBBUltO, PA. Monuments, Tombs, Headstones, Ac, Work iiiutly eiecuted. Oideis by mall will receive special atleutlou, N. II. Work dellvelid flieol charge. J . L. UUNTiiN. I'ropneior, octl3'71-tf. P. O, Box W. NEW YOIIIC. C011K. AND LlVEIirOOL. NEW AM) HJLL.POVF.ltl' 1) STEAMSlIU'3. 'JHEBIX i,Alt m in Jiii. , n u . nnrivie I 1XTII1. ltEI'UBLIO. ATLANTIC. BALTIC. ADIilATIC, o.uotons bunion 3,1 noli. li. eacli. Hailing fiom New Ymk on HA'1UP.DAK, from Liverpool on 'lllUHBDAYS, and Cork Hal lor tlio uuy loiiowing. , From the Whllo Star Dock, Pavontn Perry jvifvy 1.11. IMssenger occommodatlous (for all classes) uumaiien, romoiniug SAFEl Y. Bl'KtD. AND CO.MFOIIT. Saloons, btate-iooms. smoking-room nud bath looms In midship section, uheie least motion is lilt. Buigeoos and itewurdesstb nceuiuiauy lliese feituiueis, ltATib Baloou. bf cold. Btceroui". SoOenrien ey, 'lhoro wishing to send lorlrieiids lie in the Old Country eon uuw obtalii stierugu piepnld cprtiilcnles. 1'.l euriencv. PusseugeiH Ijuuleed to or Irom nil parts of Aiueucii, iuiib, jikmiuuiku, utnuj, mieueii inula, AiiMii'"'", i.iii"i iv. Extuisiou Hi kits giuntedut lowest rates, in nets fmni 1 uiiivnrds. For inspection ol pluiisundolberluroiinatlcu Ppp.y to o. --"7:V,;yAHKH:AKent, Or (o W. PEAl OCK, janlltf iilooiukburg, Pn. BTJPINESS CARDS, VISITING OAUDrJ, ETTEH HEADS, HILL 1II1ADS, PItOOHAMMKU, POBTKItB, 43., AC. Neatly nnd Cheaply TrlntcJ Ftoui Hie Latest Styles of Tj-pe at Ilia COLUMBIAN OFFICE, Miscellaneous. JQ E N T I B T R Y . II. I'. JlUWl.lt, 11KNTIBT, llesnectfully oilers his professional services In the ladles and gmitlcmon of Bloomsburgnnd VI clnlty. Ho Is prepared to attend to all the vari ous operations in the lino of his profession, nud Is provided with the latest Improved Pohcki.ain Teeth which will be Inserted on gold plating silver nnd rubber base to look as well nstlio nai nrnl teeth. Tectu extracted by nil tho new and mostnpproved methods, and nil operations on the teeth c.itcfully and propctly nttended to. Residence nnd office n few doors aiiovo the Court House, sarao side. tnoomsiiurg. .ian,i,7i ly yULCAN WORKS, DANVILLE PA. WILLIASI II. LAW, Manufacturer of Wrought Iron Bridges, Hollers, Gasholders, Fireproof llulldlugs, Wiottght lion Hoollng, llootlnii Frames, Flooring and Doors, Farm Gates and fencing, also Wroughtiton pip ing, Stacks nud all kinds of BiultU Work, Ac, ltenalrs promptly attended to. N. It lirawlugi and Estimates supplied. oi'l27'?l.ly. rjM! K GREAT MAGICAL u a t n v o n c v u t Will foieo a benullful Rot of WhiMters or Sills taclio, In Iroui two to thrcu months, on any per son over twelvo years old, Hlsoneoriho best preparations to ninko tho whiskers grow that uirv.ns kin.wn. One bottlo of It Issulllclcut to luodneo a very strong beard. It docs not In any wny stnlu or injure tho skin . Try Itl It Is no humbug. Price Si cents per bottlo. Bent by in Hi 1 post, paid, to nny address, on receipt ot price, Address WILLIAM C. WAONEll, Autidtsvllle, auj.lS'71-ly. Adams County, Pcnua N .'3 U R A KCE A O E N O yT Wyoming mi.Om Etna l,iK',l Fulton N, Y. I i,t,0 North America SMJ.t'iO City tJM.OiKP Interualloiml N.Y - l.'.OO.mo NlagurnN.Y i.'Jfn.iri MerchnutH vmti Hrrlnglield iru.i.i. Farmers' Danvlllo.N.Y' bSi,t.r. Albany City 400.MI Dinvllle, Horse Tholt ., Mutunl. Atlantic, N.Y ' I,too,to Gi i uuml.i, N. Y 600,1110 FftEA!) BIIOWN, A (ten'., iimi24'7I ly. IlLOOMsnuuti In. J-I INKLEY KNITTING MACHINE THE SIMPLFBT, CHEAPEST AND BEST IN I SE! II AS HUT ONE M'.EDLEI A CHILI) CAN HUN IT I lusigned tspcclally for tho use of families, and 1 ndlis v.ho ileilio toknlt lor tho maikct. Will do crry Ultih of tlio knitting In a stocking, Widening and nun owing as undlly ns by hand. Are splendid for worsltds nnd fancy work, TAKING FIVE DI1- FLUENT KINDS OF BT1TOI1! Are very tn.y to manage, nnd not llahlo to tct out of order. Every 1 aiully bhould havo one. We want an Agent In every town to lntrodnco and sell them, to v horn n e idler the most liberal inducements, send lor our Ciiculnr and Sample SlOCKlOg. viiuicss, IIlNKLbY KNITTING .MACHINE CO., uov. 10,'71-ly. Bath, Me. C. HOWE R, has opened a first-class BOOT, SHOE, HAT CAP, AND I Ull STOIl E, at tho old stand on Wain Street, Bloomsburg.nfew doorsaoovo tuecouri jiouso. iiissiociiiBconi nosedof tho very latest and beststvles ever otler- ed to the citizens ol Columbia County. He can accommodate tho publlcwlththofollowlnggoods at tho lowest rates. Men's heavy double bolcd stoga boots, men'B double and sluglo tap soltd hln hnnts. men's heavy stona slioeH of all kinds. men'B line boots and shoes of all grades, boy's double soled boots nnd, shoes of all kinds, men's glove kid llnlmornl shoes.men's, women's, boys's and misses' labtlug gaiters, women's glove kid 1'ollsn very une.women s morocco uuiworaisnnu ran Klines, women s very nne kiu uunoneu rail- ers. In short boots ol all descriptions both peg gen nun se.weu. He would also call attention to his flno assort' mentof ATS, CAPtf, FUB.S AND NOTIONS. urhtrli cnninrlses nil tlio new and tionnlal varl- ctlesat pilceswhlch canuotfalllo sullall. These goods ore ollered at tho lowest cash rates and will bo guaranteed to glvo satisfaction. A call is souciieu oeioro purcuasiug ctsuwueiu u it w believed that better bargains are to be found man ni any oilier place in me couniy. jan i'i jXCIIANGE BAKERY A N 11 C O N F E C T IOiNERY, BLOOSlBBUItG, l'A. The umlei stoned, successors of F. WItlmver. would lcsnectttillv announce that thev have taken the well-cstubllslied stand iecently occu pied by tho above named, lu Bloomsbuig, and irepaien to eoniiuuo me uusiiiess ui uiuuumc- uriug auu seuiug, uy WHOLESALE AND ItETAIL, thev will hnvo at all tlmesn complete supply ol the best and treshest Iirind nnd Cake. Parties elf siring anything lu this lino will find It to their advantage to can on us. AN ICE CREAM SALOON Is added to the establishment, and ladles nud others who may ontroulo us. may rely upon upon receiving proper attention. A reasonable share of mihli Kiitriiiiace is resoec tfuilv solicited. itaspoeny. i.eniou, auu oiner yiups, in uuge nnil small riuauuiies, coosinniiy on naiui. ll.Ult..ib is SIny 5. 1871,-ly Hotels. MONTOUR HOUSE ItUPEllT, PA. WILLIAM BUTLEU, Proprietor, This House havintrbeen nut In thoioughrenalr is now oiieu lor tho leccntlou eif guests. No pains will bo spared to ensuro the peifect com lortoftlio traveleis. Too l'roprletor solicits a share of public patronage. Tho bar will bo stocked nt all limes Willi line liquors and clgarB, jaui'71 gfiNTON HOTEL. W. F. PIATT, Proprietor, BENTON, COLUSIBIA COUNTY, PA. Tills well known House having been nut In tliorounh lennlr Is now open lor tho recentlon ol visitors. No pains have been spared to ensure the perlect coinlort of guests, The proprietor also tuns a Stage fiom the Hotel to Bloomsburg and Intermediate points on 1 ucsday, Thursday and saiuruay oi eacii weeK, uau i'is1 riHlE ESPY HOTEL. ESPY, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA. The undersigned would Inform the travelling publlolhnl he has taken uie above uanioei estab lishment nud thoroughly refuted the same for the perfect convenience eit his guests. His lardtr will be stocked with the bebt the market atlords. Tho choicest liquors, wines and clgarsulwayB to uo loiiuii in ins oar, WILIzlAM TO-UT. Ehiiv. Pn NATION Its Rulers and Iustitutious. IN ENGLISH AND GERMAN. Nothing like It. Strikes everybody as Just the book I hey need. It is un Micjclopiodlii ol tho uoverumeni. hingio pages in it, are to uieiii selves worth the price at the book, Oicr 600 vum- tout only fl'.60. A Itlili Ilul i csl for Cliuvnssers ladlis mid geutlenitii-liuiiiers, teueheis and btudeuts. Oncvyttit tuuk'tjonlnt in ety e'iti, uiti ctrucluv alone, beore the book appealed. S4U a day can bo eleaied 111 lair telrlloiy. Write at once lor Circular and Information. NEW WOltl 1) PUBLISHING CO., Cor. 7th and .Map ntlDirceis,! euinueipiiiu. loci, u, ii'ij.j PEIUECT COMBUSTION. SIGNAL LIGHT. The tlist miel oily self-feeding Anthiacllo Coj bliitu ever inveiiii'ti enui mil irittu t'einsuliie all the eases. Warranted the JIEbT HEAllNO BTOVI1 In tue couniry Bend for Price List and Circular to MrtCllEI.L, MEVEM-ON A CO., fctoo MuuulactureiB, Plttsbuigli, Pu. T)LANK DEEDS. Wo now hnvo tho line bt assortment of BLANK DEEDS on baud nnd lor sale lliutwere over kept lu tiioomsuurg. i.urgu sue on uisi puicumnui paper, Couiiuou Deeds, Executor's and Adiulnls irutorn Deeds-nuull site good paper (cheat Common Deeds, Ac JUSTICE'S BLANKS. Wo now have on baud a large neatly printed assortment of JUSTICE'S aud CONnTAIIUEB BLANKS, tn which we Invite Wio attention lieto o nice in, BLOOMSBURG, PA., FRIDAY, FEBRUARY Poetical. Suiislilno nnil Klmdow. Ill HAVEN. Two children ployed on the kitchen Iloor, They laughed and they crowed In thclrchlld. Ish glee, Tho stiuslilno rniuo through the open tloor, Its bright beams dancing merrily. Tho children caught nt tho shining slrcnm, As though they had fouuel n golden toy, Enough lor Ihcni that tho rnsslngbeam, Hail lined Iholr llttlo hearts with Joy. Tho mother watched them In their play, prayer roso up lu her loving heart, "Oh I far, far off luny bo tho day, When with my children I must pntt." Alas I how llttlo do wo know, Ol Joy or sorrow yet to como, Tho Minbentnscomo and quickly go, And leave but sluulows on our home. On Jenny nrst the shtielow fell, They bore her fiom her homo away. The llttlo mound Is left to tell, Her feet among the shadows stay. A year of mingled light nnd shade Around tho mother's heart Is thrown, A sunbeam was tho child that staid, A shadow for tho ono that's gone. The light to darkness still rivo place, For elark, nioro dark tho shedows grew, Envolvlng In their cold emhrnco, Tho form of llttlo Perry too. They laid him by his sister's side, W hero golden stinbo nms never coire, Willi tears, 'twould bon sin to hide. Returned to find a chlldlcs3 home. And yet through nil this gloom there breaks, A light that gives tho heart Its rest, Bless Illm who elves, bless Illni who takes, As in Ills wisdom scemeth best. "Let llttlo children co mo to rue," I'll bearthem lo my blessed home, From every sin nnd sorrow free, Where blasting shadows never com e." I Is hero nt last wo find tho light, Truo sunshlno beaming on the soul, By faith wo livo" and not by sight, And hope to reach the blissful goal. 'Jhe sun will there forever sill no. No clouds, and hence, no shadows fall, Thlno bo tho Powe r, th o glory thlue, Aud thou our God ho nil In all. Miscellaneous. TESTIMONY AT Till: ItlHIIT TIMII. Tho case pcntllng litforo our Court interested tho peoplo deeply. A few months beforo Jacob Ames had died, lcaviiifc property to theainotint of fifty or sixty thousand dollars, nil of which was readily available. At first 11 was supposed that tho old man he was eighty-seven had died without haviiiR tnado will, as ho had often been heard to remark that making a will seemed Iiko a preparation for death, and as there could bo no question about tho inheritance of his property, ho did not ciiooso to make any such, to him, ghostly testament. His dircctandonly legitimate heirs were two orphans, both girls, children of his only daughter, Ono ol them was a cripple, reciuirin. almost tlio undivided care and attention of tho other, aud botli wero beloved by all who knew thera. WMlo peoplo wero feeling glad that tho orphan &is ters wero to bo thus grandly provided for, a man named James Arnold pro ented a will for probate, said to bo tlio Last Will and Testament of Jacob Ames, made several years before. 'This Arnold was a ncphew-in-law of old Jacob, the child of his wife's sister, and sad for several years been employed as business agent and general accountant of the deceased ; and when ho caused tho will to bo presented, ho produced number of witnesses who declared that they had often heard old Ainessay that ho had mado tho only will ho should make, and that James Arnold 'us his heir; and, what seemed to mako tlio matter sure, two witnesses to tho will, former servants or cmployeosof the testator, sworo point blank to hav - aa seen Ames place his siguatuio to tho document after which they signed their own names. Houest people shook their heads at this, for theso two wit nesscs a man and Ids wife wero not tbovo suspicion. In fact, it was gener ally beliovcd that a small sum of ready money would buy tho m body and soul I entered tho court-room lato in the afternoon of tho third day, jttot as tho last witness was about to leavo tlio wit ness stand ; and this witness was Thorn as Cloudman, tho servant just alluded to. Ho had been questioned by a jury man, and had mado a plain statement Everything was against tho poor, do- serving orphans, and all in favor of tho despised nephew. In fact, no hone: man, under tho evidence, could havo brought in a verdict naalnst Arnold claim. Tho juryman who had questioned t it I witness sat at the end of tho box; and closo to him, among tlio spectators, stood old Ilarvy Goodrich, who was at that timo engaged in tho paper mill ol Day & Lyon, at Portland. I had known him years before, when ho worked for Rice, of Newport. Thojurorheld tlio will in his hand, open, and Goodrich cast his eyo upon it. I saw tho old pa per-maker start and tremble. "Let me look ntthatl" I heard him whisper, for I stood closo by. Thojuror, without considering, Hand cd liira tlio document ; and beforo tho counsel could interpose aud legaln it Goodrich had seen all ho desired, and his ilrst movement, after relinquishing tho will, was to hasten to tho side of tho orphan's attorney, and whlspor, hur riedly and excitedly, in ills ear. l saw tho attorney, whoso namo was Ship man, bend his head attentively, and then start to his feet. What was It? In thoso few brief moments tlio wholo auilieneo had ought tho fover of excito- nient, for it was clearly ovident that something of Importance was on tlio tapis. "May It pleaso your honor," said Shlpnian, very quietly so calmly and quietly that wo feared it could bo noth ing of importance after nil "I must ask tho Indulgcnceof thoeourt. I wish to present now and Important testimo ny." Time was n slight war or words be tween tlio opposing counsol.ufter which, by pormibbion of tho court, tho old pa per maker took tlio witness-box. Ho cavo his iiamo, residence, occupation, etc.; and then Mr. Shlpnian placed tlio will in Ids hands. "Mr. Goodrich, will you pleaso exam ino that document?" "I havo douoBo, sir." "What Is tho written dato of that will?" "September fifth, eighteen hundred and forty-one," answered tlio witness, reading from tlio lnstrumsut. "Now, Mr. Goodrich, will you pleaso In form tlio Jury, and tho court, If you obscrvo anything clso, in or upon that paper which you hold In your hand, that would positively affect the reliability of that written dato? Mako your own statement, In your own way, only mako It conclso and clear." "Your honor, nnd gentlemen of tho jury," commenced tho witness, "this pleco of paper which I now hold In my hand was manufactured by myself and calendered upon a machine of my own Invention. Tlio water lines, in placo of tho ordinary bluo ruling, was Includ ed In my improvement. You will also bserVo, Upon closo Inspection though tho ink upon tlio surface has somewhat obscured It my own stamp in water marks. Your honor can examine it for yourself," The Judge took tho document, and held it up against the strongllght ; uud involuntary ho read aloud, so as lo ba heard by all In tho room for every breath was hushed "II. Goodrich's Patent. Eighteen Hundred and Forty- Threo!" "Yes, your Honor," broko In Good rich, whose professional Integrity was now in tho balance. "I can solemnly swear that that sheet of paper was not made until at least two years after tho dato of tho instrument which has been written upon its face." Tho paper was given to tho Jury, who wero all upon their loot. Arnold's couusci demanded tosee it. Mr. Cloud man and his wife got up, and tried to leavo tho room, but wero prevented, Jutlgo and bar wero in u stato of fer ment; whllo tho deuso audience sway. ed to and fro in eager, painful suspense, Would this old man's testimony havo its legitimato weight? iVh I how could it bo otlierwiso Tliero was a witness nioro potent to an intelligent court and Jury than speech ol tongue. Too contested will ooro In its innermost heart in its "heart of hearts" tho emphatic ovidencc of tho baso Uo upon its written face. Other witnesses were called ono paper maker aud two paper dealers but tho thing was settled. Tho water lined dato of tlio paper was ovldenco enough. A lit tlo whllo and tho Judgo gavo his charge about as oriel a cnargc as 1 over heard. A llttlo longer, and wo know that tho orphans wero tho truo and le gally established heirs to Jacob Ames' fortune. I will not attempt to describe tho scono that followed. Suffice it for mo to say, Mint tho perjured parties wero severely punished, while tho sun of joy and kindness cast its gracious beams upon tho beloved and deserving alstus. Tlio Wrong Vote. Apropos of elections, tlio following is capital ; nud will bo especially relished by gentlemen who havo been unsuc cessful in their aspirations for offlco: In ono of tho towns of Pennsylva nia, tlio freemen Bad lor many years deposited their votes solidly for the Democratic candidates. Such a thin; as a Whig or Republican ticket had never been run. At that time, liowev er, tho politicians of an adjacent to wip ship thought it an opportune occasion to attempt tho establishment, in tint town, of n Republican organization. To this end, they persuaded a certain Mr. Green, wiio had recent y settled there iu uucuinu uicir uiiiiuiutuu lur ouiiiu nu- nor ofllce, hoping to proctiro for him a few votes under tho popularity of tlio great namo of Grant, anil thus to get an entering wedge in tho local affairs of tito township. Tlio day of election arrived, but Mr. G. was unable to get to the polls by reason of sickness. In duo timo the re turns wero published, and Mr. Green had just ono voto. Chagrined nt this, and annoyed by tho accusation that ho had voted for himself, ho said if any ono would mako affidavit to tho voto ho would reward him with a good suit of clothes. A few mornings afterward a burly looking Pennsylvania Dutchman called upon Mr. Green and abruptly re marked : "i vants dat suit Of close.' "All!" said Mr. U "tlieu you aro the person who voted fiir mo?" "Yah, I'm dat man." "Aro you willing to mako an nflidit' vitof it?" "Yah, I swear to 'em.'' Mr. Green, accompanied by the In telligent voter, went to tho ofllco of tho Justlco of tho peace, nnd tho required affidavit was mado; after which tho clothes wero purchased nnd given to tho deponent. So delighted was Mr. Green to bo ro lloved from tho unploasantuoss of his situation, and so glad to learn that tliero was another riglitoous man in tho town ship, tiiat he had taken tho Dutchman's Republicanism as a matter of course. However, nt parting ho said: "Now, my friend you havoyoursult of clothes, Just answer mo ono question How cumo you to voto for mo?" 'You vants to know dat?" "Yes." "And you von't go back on tho close V" No." " Veil," 6aid lie, slowly, and Willi a sly twlnklo of tho oyo, "den I toloyou ; J makes a mtstate in de ticket !'' A San Fkancisco Inchlout: "A venerable-looking organ-grinder, ac companied by an activo llttlo monkey, dressed lu red, was patiently turning out his dilapidated melodlos for tho benefit of acouploof sorvaut girls, when ho was suddenly surrounded by n group of school children, boys nnd girls, who nt oneo becamo dovoled to tho monkey, Tho latter, scolng an np plo in tho hands of ono of tho boys, sutl ifeuly ceased his gambols, nud, snatch lug tho fruit, ran nimbly up a tree Just by. Tho boy cried; nnd his .compap Ions liiughed, whllo 'tho Italian altor uately aworo at and coaxctl tlio chatter iugthlbf, but lu vain, until at last tho monkey, of his own ftq'cprd, como swift ly down, and springing in front of a pretty llttlo girl with long curls, deftly took off his Jaunty cap, and bowing po litely, handed her tlio nppio. UOL. Anecdotes of Sir Vnltcr Scott. No pleasantcr nticcdotrs havo been told of any man. Theso nro generally well known, but I will trust that tho following mny bo new to my readers: Mrs. John Ballantyno wasjustmnrricd. Slio was young, tho beauty of Edin burgh, and half spoiled by ilattery. Sho Was to meet Sir Waiter nt dinner, and resolved to put on nlrs, nnd show tho great lion of tho tlmo that sho was not to bo brought to fawn oven at his feet. Ho asked her to take a glass of wine, and sho nffeetcd not to hear him ; but tho great mun instead of noticing this girlish folly, proceeded to talk to her with such polltcncsa that sho speedily ieit ashnmed of herself. This lady re lated that once, nt her own table, on the occasion of a largo and ceremonious dinner party, tliero was a scarcity of spoons, aud, what added to tho awk wardness, at the precise moment when tho servant was washing tho spoons for further use n most determined pauso In conversation ensued. Tho silonco was so profound that no sound was to bo heard savo tho whispers of tho servants Just without, and tho washing of tho spoons. At last tho blushing lady's husband drank, "Relief to all in dis tress," which broko tho spell, and Eet all laughing, whllo Mr. James Ballan tyno called out, with a lino of Shakes peare: My lord, my lorJ, methlnks you'd spare your spoons I" "Not I, indeed, my lord,1' responded Mrs. B., "for I havo nono lo spare." 'Not amiss," said Sir Walter, in genial recognition of the lady's hit. Next day a parcel c.nno to her, directed in an un mistakable handwriting, containing a dozen of tlio handsomest spoons that could bo found In Edinburgh. (This same old lady relates a story which do serves to bo told as ono of tho most sin gular among tho curiosities of litera ture. Sho relates that oneo when iter brothor-iu-law, James, was reading to her, Scott entered, and told him to go on reading. As tho reader proceeded, Scott at first nodded approbation, then said "Good!" next "Very good I" "Charming 1" "Powerful 1" until at last the upper lip began to tremble, and tho tears to fall. Taking his staff, lie strode across tho room aud looked over Mr. Ballantyne's shoulder to sco what the volumo was. It was tho "Lay of tho Last Miustrel." Ho wa3 quite in discomfiture, dashing tho tears Indig nantly from Ills eyes, uttered an impa tient "Pshaw !" and said, "God help me, James ; I am losing my memo ry.'" M. D. Conway, in Harper's Mag azine. How He Utiles His Wife. A man named Traddles, in Virginia, lias got his wifo in proper subjection, aud means to keep her so. "Oh !" says ho, in telling about it, "tliero ain't many who know how to rule a wife properly. Now, my old woman is ono of tho best natured women in the world, but ahe's got a dovll of a temper, Whenever I sco sho's got her mad up, if it's a dozen times a day, I Just quiet' ly say nothing," but kinder huinor her and sho comes round all right after a while. Even when sho throws things at mo, or gives a wild slash for mo with tlio broom or rollin' pin, I just tlodgo a llttlo, and sho never hits mo tho third time beforo 1 got my oyo on her and let her know I disapprove of such action on her part. Perhaps 1 havo to leavo tho h()U,0 lo ahl)jhct thls but she scc,3 tll0 pointi Then, by being careful not , .,.,,. ,,, ,, if.i i, i, IU illtlUlU llvl II I! VI llwl'tlMf, lVi AllttU llVi own way, 1 manage to maKo her tlo just as I pleaso. And you bet I mako her unilerstand nnd nppreciato my tils- cipline. Oh ! I keep her under perfect control. A man has to, you know Got to boss in your own houso, or first thing you know your wifo will rido you down Iiko you wasn't nobody. My wife's a perfect angel in her natural dis position, but any oilier man but mo would spoil her. A Hoss Stable Tho Hon. Benjamin Tappan, oneo a Senatorvfrom Ohio, was on tho bench when tho Buckoyo Stato wa3 admitted into tho Union. Ho was famous in his timo for being very ugly, very talonted and very cross-eyed, crabbed, and sar castle. On ouo occasion ho was holding court in tho wilderne-s, wliero ono log cabin had to bo used for court house, tavern nnd bar room. Tho stablo near by was used pro tern, for Jail. Tho Judgo had just given somo malefactors n very severe sentence, whon a rough backwoodsman who had boon practic ing at tho other bar, exclaimed: "That's right; glvo 'cm thunder, old gimlet eyes." wno is inatv" screameu mo lrato and indignant Judge. "It's tills old hoss," answered tho pio neer, giving His nrcast an approving slap. "Mr. Sheriff," retorted Tappan, "put that old hoss iu tlio stable, nnd keep him a week on bread nnd wnter." A jiasiiful youth was paying ad dresses to n gay lass of tho country, who had long despaired of bringing tilings to a crisis. Ho camo ono day when sho was alono, nnd nfter settling tho merits of tho weather, tho girl said, looking shyly into his faeo: "I dreamed 01' you last night." "Did you, why now 1" "Yos.I dreamed that you kicsod mo." "Why, now! wlint did you drenin your mother said?" "Ob, I dreamed sho was not at homo." A light dawned on tho youth's intel lect, a Singular sound broko tho still' ness, and in less than a month thoy wero married. NEWYomc has him now tho ono Iiundicd-niid-thlrtccn-years old man who voted for ull tho Presidents, sawH wood, was tho groom of Washington, body-sorvant of Jackson, coachman of Jefferson and barber to Franklin. Ho walks twenty-two miles every morning before breakfast, has used liquor and tobacco for 65 years, and nover was sick a day lu his life. His teeth aro In tho highest stato of preservation, ho can read agato typo by moonlight, and can hear tho lowest whisper at a dlstuuco of, sovernl miles, etc., etc, 23, 1872. DEM. - VOL. XXXVI NO. 1. Webster and llrnncii. Whllo John Branch,.of Nortli Caroli na, was General Jackson's Secretary of tlio Navy, ho, Tazewell, and Daniol Webster wero walking on tlio north batik of tho Potomac, at Washington. Tazewell, willing to amuso himself nt Branch's simplicity, said, "Branch, I'll hot you n ton-dollar hat that I can provo that you nro on tho other sldo of tlio rlvor." "Done," said Branch." Well," said Tawrtvcll, pointing to tho oppoalto shoro, "isn't that onosidoof thorlver?" -"Yes." "Well, Isn't this tlio other sldo V" "Yes." "Then, ns you aro here, aro you not on tho other side?" "Why, I declare," said poor Branch, "so it is! But hero comes Webster. I'll win back my hat from him." Web ster now camo up, and Brancli accosted him : "Webster, I'll bet you nten-dol-lar lial that I can provo that you aro on tho other sldo of tho river." "Done." "Well, isn't tills ono sldo?'1 "Yes." "Well, isn't that tho other?" "Yos, but I am not on that side." Branch hung his head, and submitted to tho loss of tho two hats as quietly as ho could. Henry Clay nover liked to sco dumb animals abused or worried. When ho was at Washington, a very large, somewhat noted billy goat roam ed tho streets, and tho news-paper boys, boot-blacks, and strect-lmp3 generally mado common cause against liim . On ono occasion, whllo tlio statesman was pas sing down tho avenue, n largo crowd of theso mischievous urchins were at their usual sport. Mr. Clay, with his walking stick, drovo them nway, giv ing them a sound lecturo in tlio mean while. As they scam pored off in nil directions, Billy seeing no ono but Mr. Clay within reach, mado a charge on him. Mr. Clay dropped his cauo nnd caught his goatship by tho horns. The goat would rear up, being nearly as ligh as tho tall Kentuck'itn himself, and tho latter would pull him down again. This sort of sport soon became tiresome, and ho could concoivo of no way by which ho could freo himself from tho two-horned dilemma, soinhis desperation ho sang out to tho boys to know what to do. Ono of tho smallest In tho crowd shouted back ; "Let go and run, you old fool !" And tho dig nified statesman had to do it. The Virtues of Xltro-Giyt-crhie. Tlio boys don't do tilings now iiko they did when Noah Webster was making spelling books. An old man near Pleasantville, Uie other day, found ajrudo boy posting Lydia Thompson bills all over his door yard fence, nnd desired him to desist ; but tho young sauco-box told him plainly ho would not, and slapped up another naughty picture. "You won't,"said tlio old man; "then I will fetch you down." So bo pulled out a horse-pistol and shot so veral times at liim ; but this only mado the young ster laugh; for tlio old man was cross eyed and could not hit a barn-door, "Well, well," said tho old man, "If neither words nor horse-pistol will do, I must try what virtuo tliero is in ni tro glycerine ;" so tiiat old man pulled out a two-ii uart can of torpedo mixturo and exploded it under tho chap, who coolly whistled, "If Ever I Ceaso to Love," while tho old man went soaring away into tlio sky iiko a k Ite. Ten or fifteen years ago a pub lie din ner was given to tho members of tlio legislature at Providence, and n Narra gansott preacher, called tho "Regular Pacer," beeauso in his prajcrs he had a habit of standing behind a chair, step- ping backward and hitching it after him, was called on to ask a blessing. Ho stood up in his usual stylo and bo gan a lengthy prayer. Thcro was an open door behind him, and ho soon un wittingly backed into an adjoining room taking his chair along, when somo ouo softly closed thodoor, and tho hungry guests proceeded to dine, whllo tho petition was finished at leisure by tho abstracted minister. Jump In. Sidney Smith very wiso ly said : "A great deal of talent Is lost to tho world for tho want of a llttlo courage. Every day sends to tho gravo n number or otiscuro men who navo only remained In obscurity beeauso their timidity has prevented them from making a first effort, nnd who, if they could only havo been induced to begin, would In all probability havogono great lengths in tho career of fame. Tho fact Is, that in order to do anything in this worlei worth dointr. wo must not stand Shivering on tno uanK, mining ui uu ... .... ....,- r cold or dangor, but jump mnndscratnuio through as well as wo can. It will not do to bo perpetually calculating risks aud adjusting tho chances." A Buffalo man must havo tho credit for tho most novel invontlon yot pro posed for propelling boats on tho canal, Tho power Is not attached to tho boat, but tho ontiro body of water In tho ca nal is moved, and tlio current thus created Is used as tho propolling power. Tlio plan embraces n wall laid In tho contro of tho canal its ontiro length, dlvitilntr It Into two eoual channels. At tho head of each lovol Is placed un im mersed wheel of peculiar construction, which Is moved by a stationary engino, and tho actlou of which is to throw tho water from ono of tlio channels into tho other. A current is thus created from tho machinery in 0110 c.iaunel and to ward it in tho other. A Baltimoiie lady who had been greatly annoyed by mlsclilovou3 ur chins who rang her door bell und then mado oil', mado n bud mlstnko ono after noon recently. Sho lay In wait forthetu, and soou thero camo a stop on tho porch, and n vigorous Jerk at tho boll, Sho cried out "1 see you, you llttlo ras cal," caught tho unresisting flguro by" tho coat eollan nnd shook him -vigor ously, Whon her. strength was nearly exhausted, and hoarso with excltenii.'nt, sholiscoerod to Iter horror that it-waa tho dlmlnutlvo minister of her church, very red In tho faeo, and very short for breath, An explanation followed, OF ADVERTISING. Ono Inch, (twelvo llnen'or IU equivalent In Nonpnroll typo) ouo or two lnicrllonn, ll.SO three Insertions, tlw BPACn. 1m, lit. 3M. Bit. lr, Ono Inch f3M t.1.00 tlpn tO.M 10,o3 Twoluenn 8,10 BOO 7,00 0,00 16,03 Three Inches 6,() 7,( 0,0i) 12,m 18 0!) Four Indie 7,) 9,00 11,00 17,0) 2i,ur enmrtcr column 10,oi. 1S,i 1,00 20,00 lio.iio Half column,,... ivoo l,oq 20,00 m,m o,oi Ouo column 30.00 80,00 40,00 00,00 100,00 Executor's or Administrator's Notice, 13,00 Auditor's or Assignees Notice, Ufl). Local notices, twenty cents n lino. Cnril, In tlio "Business Directory" eolnmn, 82,oo tier year for ttio nrst lwo Hues, nntl (l,uu f r oach additional line. Humorous. How do thoy weigh eels with seal 0.1 when cols havo no scales. A prominent Flro Insuranco Com pany noted for1 113 earn In taking risks, is said to lnsuro chlcily pig iron aud gravo yards. Coleridge tolls us of n man who had such an overwhelming self esteem that ho novor spoko of himself without tak ing off Ids hat. A Sloux City ghost has fallen Into nn annoying habit ol sitting in tlio yard on a bucket, with his head under his arm, to tho fright of passers by. A German lag r beer saloon koopur In Now York Is too fat to get through Ids door-way, nnt has not been In tho streot for sovernl years. A murderot who A-as recently hanged told tho iittendttnt minister that if ho had received half aa much attention beforo being put In to prison, ho never would havo been p 1 1 there. A mlnlstor asked a tipsy follow lean ing up ngalnst u fenco whero ho expect ed to go to when ho died. "If I can't get along nny better than I do now," ho said, "I shan't go anywhere." An erudlto Chlcagnan, In tho coursa of it description, alluding to something as being iiko "piling pltllion on oystors." He is supposed to have refer ence to Ossa and Peliou. A Minnesota sheriff kindly allowed n convict tostep outside the penitentiary a moment to kiss his wifo, and tho fam ily tie proved so strong that ho has not yet returned. An Iowa Falls dog chased a rabbit Into n hollow log nnd got fastened In tlio Iol' himself. For sixteen davs that dog Is reported to havo been In that holo Deiuro 110 was rescued, iro is re covering, but he has lost his "bark." A Kansas man sent for a clergyman tn uroacli his wife's funeral sermon and incidentally to marry liim, at tho closo of tho discourse, to a young woman whom ho had selected on tho death or his spouse. AVhat aro the points of difference be tween tho Princoof Wales, an orphan, a bald head, and a gorilla? Tho Prlnco is heir apparent, an orpnan nas no cr a parent, a bald head has no hair appar ent, and a gorilla lias a hairy parent. A man recently drawn as a juror at Wliito River Bottom, Intl., camo In from tho country to state 'hat ho hadn't been to tho eitv beforo for hirtv years. and did not know who had been Presi dent sinco Andrew Jackson. A colored centlcman. havlnt. been brought beforo a maglstrato and con victed ot piiiertng.waBasKeu: -uo you know how to read?" "Yes, ma3sa,a little." "Won don't you over mako uso of tho Biblo?" "Yes, massa, strap him razor on him sometimes." Somo clever fellow has invented n now kind or lnK, called "lovo-ietter ink." It is a sure nreventlvo against all cases of "breach of promise," as tho Ink fades away and leaves tno sheet blank in about four week's nfter being writtea upon. A fair-haired, iovo-sick youth in Ohio nreacnted his "trirl" with a pair of those now fangled metallic garters on Christ mas. 10 thought tnoy wero tno latest thing in bracelets, and ho only discov ered his mistako upon requesting her to -'try tliem on." Ho does not go there any more. Tho Pittsburg Commercial requests a confiding public to belioyo that Miss inccraciien, wno was caught up uy tno storm in Youghiogheny Valley, on Sunday last, was carried -100 yards, by actual measuremout, and leu through an apple tree. At ono of his lectures Georgo Francis Train shouted, "Now, then, anybody can ask mo questions." Wheroupon an old lady got up and said, "Mr. Train I would like to know what makes a pot leg always burn 'n two in tlio middle?" Tho great Amer 'an traveler was non plussed. A Green counts farmer recklessly publishes tho following challenge: "I will bet $12.23 that ty hired man can tako longer to go to tho harvest field, get uacu to dinner quieter, eat more, do loss, and boar down harder on a pau- el ol tho fence, than any other hired man within fifteen miles of tho llag- stalf in Jefferson." "Please, sir." paid an Irishman ton traveler, "would yez bo so oblaiging as to tako mo trreat coat hero to Boston wid yez?" "Yes," said tho man in tho wagon ; "but how will you got it again '."' "Oh, that's mighty aisy, so it is," said Pat, "forshure I'll remano In side uv it." "is this seat unoccupied?" aslied nn oxqulsito of nn elderly lady of rustic design in thocarBatNorwalk, Saturday ovening. "I don't know," said sho hastily, running herhauds with a great deal of feeling over tho surfaco. "It feels mostly llko plush, but you can't always tell." A reverend gentleman was address ing a school recently, aud was trying to enforco tho Idea that tho hearts of tho llttlo ono wero sinful and needed regulating. Taking his watch nnd hold- ing'it up, ho said: "Now, hero is my watch; supposo It don't keep good tlmo : now goes too fast and now too I IIII1U . UUW L'Uim IIA1 1U31 illlll UUW slow -what ghaU I Uo wm, U? ,1Sell 1 1 1 shouted a tlaxen-haircd youngster, A llttlo six years old boy was asked by his teacher to writo a composition on tlio subject of water, and tho follow ing is tho production : waior is good to drink, to swim iu, and to skate on when frozen. When I was a llttlo baby tho nurso used to Diiino mo overy morn ing In water. I havo been told that Injuns don't wash themselves but oneo in ten years. 1 wish I was nn lujuu !" A domuro-lookiucchanhailod a char coal peddler with tho query, "Havo vou trot charcoal In your wagon?" "Yes. sir," said tho expectant driver, stopping his horses. "That's right," ouerveu tho derauro chap, with an approving nod; "always tell tho truth uud people will respect you I" and ho hurried on much to tho regret of tho peddler, who was getting out tho wagon to look for a tiricK, A illsconsolato editor out west, be- moanlner tho loss of a wife, had tho fol lowing epUtio engraved upon her tomb, stono: "To tho memory of Tabltha, wifo of Mosey Skinner, Esq., centlo manly editorof tho Trombone. Terms, S3 a year, always In advance. A kind . 1 - , , t .. .Mil mother unit exemplary who. uiul-u over Coletuau'fl grocery, up two flights of stairs. Knock hard. Wo shall mips tlieo, mother ; wo shall miss thee. Job prlutlug solicited. " Thero will bo nothing left for theso Yankees to bonst of If tlio Chlneso keep on this way, A Bon of tho Celestial Emplro lately got run over In Chicago byahoreo and wagon, and tho owner gavo John five dollars to fay nothing about It. This "Heathen Chlneo" wasn't hurt much, If any, and now ho Is doing It for a living getting In tho way and getting run over by somebody Ho may get rich If ho doesn't happen to get run over by nn elephant some of theso times. 5.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers