"I see you found my . . . . A m A tape collection," he J4I |¥ fl says, startling you. ■ I r IVI I ¥1 IV, "Did you know those two albums are not sold in any store?!" "Really?" you reply, wondering what wold happen if you just hoisted Murray over your head and flung him out your third floor window. You then wonder if he'd hit the ground, or if the wind would take him. It doesn't matter, you decide. At least he'd be out of the room. "You don't smoke, do you?" he asks. "No," you reply. "Good, because I wouldn't be able to room with someone who smokes. Severe asthma," he explains, pointing to his chest. There it was, your big chance, and you blew it. You look at his bed where his clothes are lying. There are four pairs of slacks - mustard, lime green, brown, and plaid - definitely not fashion clors. All his shirts are short sleeve and button-down, and are just literally screaming for pocket protectors and slide rules. You realize you can't take much more of this. And then comes the clincher. CXit of the box Murray pulls something you hadn't Pag* 6 You thought about it all summer long. You predicted the worst, but hoped for the best. Then it happened. You came to school, moved in to the dorms, and faced God's most feared creature - The Roommate You Don't Know. You even felt it coming. There you were unpacking your Fruit-of-the-Looms when you heard the key turn. But there was nowhere to run or hide. You wanted to scream, but instead you broke out into a cold sweat... Then he entered the room, and put a box down in the middle of the floor, before straightening up and adjusted his glasses "You must be Murray," you say, feigning enthusias "Yup," he says, giggling like a maniac. You study him carefully for a moment, and realize the zits on his face look like a map of the constellations. You start to get angry. You want to know what you've done to get stuck rooming with "pointdexter from Hell." And he wouldn't have to say another word, because you already know what he's all about. Murray probably thinks "party time" consists of cake, Kool-Aid, and a totally intense game of "Pin-the-tail-on the-Donkey." But he does say more. "I'll be right back - I'm going to bring up more stuff." You nod, and as he exits, you notice that Murray couldn't possibly weigh more than thirteen pounds. Maybe he'll slip down the drain when he showers. Then you wonder if he does shower. Pehaps he's so skinny that dirt doesn't stick to him. YOu then decide the moment .couldn't pass without you peeking into his box. Inside there are some books, stationary, pens, and on top are some tapes. You pick one up. Slim Whitman's Greatest Hits. You pick another. Boxcar Willie's Christmas Favorites. Murray comes flying back in with a handfull of clothes on hangers. noticed, and puts it on his desk. Afraid to look, you decide you must, and descover a stuffed Armadillo. "His nameis Felix," he tells you. That was it. The last straw. Something inside your head has snapped, and you are now out of control. You try to reaeon it out. You tell yourself the kid's last name has got to be Munster, or maybe the "Big Guy's" playing one heck of a cruel joke on you. Or maybe, just maybe, Murray's an illusion. An illusion! You've reached a revelation And if he's an illusion, nothing will happen when you send him plummeting out the window ... YOu decide you must. Charging at Murray, you raise him above your head with the skill and technique of a professional wrestler. Then you head for the window. Murray is now screaming and flailing his limbs wildly. Then a buzzer goes off It's your alarm clock. You wake up to find summer isn't over. It's 11:30 a.m., and your mom comes in to tell you someone's on the phone. "Me says he's scheduled to be your roommate at school next month. Why don't you talk to him? He sounds really nice, and his name's Murray." You don't ever remember screaming that loud before. INSECT BANQUET by S. R. Hnasko Look at the man See how still he lies See the angle of his neck And his eyes full of flies He seems quite familiar But you can't see his face Through the ants that dance All over the place He's been here a while In the dirt and the stones While the larvae all party Midst his wreckage of bones He's lain here for hours This man of the dead While the centipedes interbreed With millipedes in the back of his head The bugs divide him Without any care or regret The lice take a slice of the scalp At the insect banquet The worms squirm in The worms squirm out They make use of the . dual holes That they find in his snout THE MOST INNOCENT OF ALL by Joseph Mahn Happiness is never lost Within the presence of children; The love of their hearts That we defray at our own cost Their smiles are like the sunshine On a warm summer day And every time we show them hatred Another piece of the world will decay Show not children colors Rather show them brothers; They are messengers of love As they ride on the wings of a dove I The bettles all scuttle They hope they're not late They're quick on their feet And they're easy to satiate The dragonflies quickly fly Looking for something to eat While the spiders inside of his boots Make a meal of his feet I try to scream out But all that escapes is a cough It seems that my throat Is coated with millions of moths This is a day that I know I will never forget The day that I died And became the insect banquet <9f m <• A.G.B. by Mark Piedmonte you sit at thedesk giving demands to anyone who may be in the area you are in complete control and you take advantage of the situation at any given time, communication breakdown we make it, you break it cut us off as we discuss world peace go to the trouble of reaching out to wake us up in the middle of the night happy birthday i love you you rtjjce me sick leave us alone we can do it ourselves without help from your distant voices eye contact body language bad breath how can you tell its alltoo real the modem world you make it easy to do the hardest things, the same things that can break a heart, close a contract, broaden a mind ah, the shame of it all no human involvement unication suicide
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers