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MITE sueserihers having enlarged tneir shops and added the latest improved machinery for 'Working Wood and Iron, are now prepared to• do lilt kinds of Work in their Line, and are manufac• awing the Willoughby's Gum-Spring Grain and Fer tilizer Drill, Greatly Improved; The Cel ebrated Brinkerhoff Corosheller; Gibsons' Champion Washing Machine; John dlesberger's Patent Lifting Jack's`'. THE PROPRIETORS OF THE WAYNESBORO' SASH AND DE(Br P[f\t`lijr2Y naving furnished their shops with the 'latest im proved Machinery foi - this Branch of Business, they are now prepared to manufacture and furnish ail kinds of _ BUILDING NATISRIAL I snch as Sa'h, Doors, Frames, Shutters, Mouldings, some Eighteen Different Myles; Cor nice, Porticoes, &c. &c., elooring, Weath erboarding, and ALL KINDS LUMBER, furnished at Fhort notice !iberal patronage bestowed upon and hope by ristmt attention to litn,iness to merit a continuance of the same. Also agents for the sale of Dodge & Severn.on's Ktrby Valley Chief, and World Combined Reap ,in•r, and M .wing Machtnnes, and the celebrated Clipper Mower. may 7,1869 j LIDI;f - R - ft;K & CO. GROCER & BIKER FIRST PREMIUM ELASTIC STITCH FA '4%IILY :SEWING MACHINES, 495' Broadway, New York. • 730 Chestnut street, Philadelphia POINTS OF EXCELLENCE Beauty and Elasticity of stitch. Perfection and simplicity of Machinery. Using both threads directly Irma the spools. No fastening of seams by baud and no waste . of dbr,ad. Wide range of application without change of ad justment, The seam retains its beauty and firmness after washing and-ironing. Besides doing all ° kinds of work done by other Machines, these Machines execute the most beauti ful and permanent Embroidery and ornamental work. The Highest Premiums at all the fairs and exhibitions of the United etates and Europe, have been awarded the Grover & Baker sewing chines, ate! the work done by them, 'wherever ex hibited for competition. Lam' The vety highest prize, THE CROSS 2F THE LEG/ON or Horsog, was conferred on the representa tive of the Grover & Baker :Sewing Machines, at the Exposition Universello, Paris, 1369, thus °nest.; ing their great superiority over all other Sewing. Ma chines. For sali. by D. W. ROBISON, Wayneliboro'. NOTWE. Th'e undersigned having had 17 years' experience as a practical operator on Sewing Ma chines w..ukt recommend the,brover & ifio‘er Fam ily Machine as the cheapest and hes! machine for family use. The simplicity of constiuction and elasticity of stitch made by these machines are two very important points in their favor. 250.000 of these amain es are today hearing witness to the truth of our assertions and the demand it steadily increasing. We have also shuttle machines on hand for 'fail• ors and Coach•trimmers' use. Call nail see us. U. W. 11.01i1.0N, Main st., Vt'ayttesboro', Pa. `Vii ESBOIIO' BIKERY AND CONFECTIONARY THE subscribers announce to the public that they hove opened a Bakery and Confectionary on Main street, Waynesboro', opposite the pw dnn House", where persons of all times can ap plied with fresh Bread, Rolls, Pretzels. nitkin s of Sweet Cakes, whole:rale or retail. A full supply of Candies, Nuts, FrtOts, etc., always on hand. WE CREAM reaniarly bu ',plied during the season. Having, erected at considerable expense a first eines bake • House they feel confident than in this departnient of their business they can give general satisfaction. 'racy thersfore,eoinnt a share of pub lic patrol/ age may s—tf SLEASEMAN & 1110R7'. MILLINERY GOODS ! TO TIRE LAMES! VIS. C. L. HOLLIN BERUER has just re Lies a lull supply of new Millinery goods A Lies are invited to cull and exsminc her stock. april 23 if SOAP-MAKING. n ONC NTT gATED LYE, a full pound in a 11la box at . 20 cents. DA h ISUD A in 'aro or small alu.t u tilieir, sold low b 7 , A. EPP. /14) . JACOB Fuer, D. D. RUSSELL, So far away ! so far away !• Thy stars are not the stars I see ; With me 'tis night, with thee 'tis day, And day and riight are one to me, So far—so far away ! I faint beneath thosewanderint airs Whose wings around the world go free , I snatch at straws the whirlwind bears— Touched they the land that blooms for thee So far—so far away ! The forms that near me breathe and move Like visions rise, like visions flee ; I cannot live to other love My soil has crossed the deep to thee, `So far--so far away ! Earth's drooping shadows close me round, The heavens have lost their light for me ; The voice of joy breathes not a sound, • And hope swoons dead on yonder sea, • So far away—so far away ! The rose has faded from thy cheek, And furrowed is thy brow ; Thy sparkling eyes, that seemed to speak, Are dull and heavy now. The locks on thy bdoved head, That once were like to golden thread; Are white as winter snow; Yet is my love for the - e - n - on - ln, My love of long ago. I, too, am old, but at thy voice I burn with youthful fire ; Ill> tones. scent echoes of the tune, When we were both in life's glad prime— Sweet sounds„though faint and low, Liko some far-distant wedding chime— My love of long ago. ~: ~. ~, A STORY FOR SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE A lady purchased a home in a beautiful village, about forty miles from a well known city. She longed fur fresh air and quiet scenes, and doubtless she would have fuund all the happiness which ehe sought is this rural retreat had not the place been haunted by that terrible spectre—scandal 'Have you seen the new arrival r asked Mrs. Thomas of her neighbor, Mrs. Law. rence, about a week after the stranger took possession of Maple Cutta,u—as the little place she had purchased was called A curl of the lip and a shrug of the shoulders was all the reply -made by Mrs. Lawrence ;but in the gestures Mrs. Thomas saw, or supposed she saw a sufficient reason for'shunning the acquaintance of the strang er. Mrs- Thomas who was very jealous and suspicious, translated this sign lingulge in her own way. '1 have no doubt,' she said to her husband at night, .that she ha 3 a bad reputation in the city, She has come here dressed in deep mourning, but who knows whether she ever had a hu , biled ? And, if she had, her weining black is no sign be's dead in my opinion.' The next day quite a crowd had gathered in the store of Airs. 'Thomas, waiLing for the arrival of the daily mail, which was due about this hour. The stranger came in to make some trifling purchases, and was stared, at by the people, as strangers always are After she left, the store, some remaiki were made concerning her lady•ltke nppeartines Mr. Thomas immediately - rejoined. 'l' es she appears enough like a lady, but my wife thinks her reputatir n none the best,' Customers coming in, nothing more was said at that time, but the fire of scandal was kindled—the story spread rapidly, each oue telling it his own way, until there was not a family in the place but 'heard and believed the rumor. Weeks passed on, and the inmate of Maple Cottage fait that for s.)ree reason she was looked upon with much suspicion and dislike. There was no hospitality, nothing said •or dune fur which she could• demand an ex planation. Every day seemed to increase the avoid ance of her neighbors; and she seeing this, I ceased making overtures towards an acquaint acme with them, sending to the city for her household supplies, and never came in con tact with nay of them save at church, and even here she generally tumid a whole seat at her disposal. At last the storm which had so long dark ened the village horiz in seemed about to burst over her head. There were low threats pf driving her prom the place, and the mob spirit seemed to be gathering strength. About this time, some three mouths after the stranger came to Maple Cottage, a very handsome traveling calliope, drawn by a span of noble greys, stopped in front of her dwell ing, and a tine looking man. apparently about fifty years of age, with his wile and two childreu, were seen to alight and enter the house. All the day and through the even ing, there was heard the sound of merry voices, mingled with the rippling, laughter of joyous hearts. The next day was Sunday, but this time the widow did not sit alone. Strange looks nod low murmured words ran through the congregation, and the minister seemed to sbare s the surprise of Lie antlienee l and look- WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTI, PENNSYLVANIA, THURSDAY MORNING, MAY 26, 1870. X"COIEFIVIC3.4gLi.a. SO FAII-S0 FAR AWAY. MY-LOVE OF LONG-AGO And throb with fierce desire, SCANDAL .X - xiciLeoroeca cleolat )s"%staa3.ll . sr .I.Ve)-circr.3poexicaeßar. ed and preached as though under painful embarrassment. lie recognized in the strang er a minister whose reputation was world wide —no other than the rich and distinguish ed President of —Uoliege, from which be was a graduate. Professor 0 remembered his former pupil, but it must be confessed he was both sur prised and disappointed. lie had givln the young man credit for individual talent, but this sermon was a mere repetition of poor platitudes and a truckling to public opinion, which showed a weak and little mind. After service the President stopped a mo ment until the preacher,eame forward, and when the greetings were over he said kind ly : 'My sister wrote me that Richard Forbes was preaching , here, but I did not connect the name with the memory of my former pupil.' 'Your Meter said the embarrassed young man. 'You do not mean to say that the woman with whom you entered church is your sister ?' 'And why not !' It was now Professor C'S turn to look surprised Sure enough, why not ? What did he know against the woman of whom all bad been 'speaking evil;' for the last three months ? 'There is something about this matter that 1 cannot understand,' said Professor C 'You do not mean to say that niy sinter has been a resident of your place, and listened to your preaching for throe months, without your calling upon her ? The duties of a preacher are surely better defined—' *But I did not dare I' and here the poor man stammered and stopped. 'Did not dare to call on my sinter, the widow of General Finch ?' and the tinge of contempt mingled with the look of surprise and indignation with which he contemplated the abashed and crestfallen young preacher. After reaching, hissister's residence, he questioned her in regard to the lustier; but she could only tell him that. since her resi dence in the place, she had been 'let alone,' in full acceptance of the term, Determined --if -- to Tun mstan( tle w ere ore of such a pro ceeding, he again demanded explanation of the minister, who was fitay compelled fo ad mit that he had supposed from the ggssip of church members, that the woman was a very outcast from socie,ty, and that theme had been talk of driving her from the place. 'She will not care to remain,' said the Professer; 'but before she goes I will sift this matter thoroughly ;' and so be did, gathering up link by link, the whole chain of scandal until he came to Mrs. Lawrence. But thiAshe utterly denied, and Mrs Thom as was ri last ob iged to confess that Mrs. Lawrence had merely shrugged her shoulders and curled her lip, when asked her opinion of her new neighbor. 'Ala, indeed l' was 'Mrs. LAwrence's re joinder. 4 1 remember of thinking she could not be much of a lady, as she wore faded delaine and did her own washing.' The Professor preached the following Sun day, and at the conclusion of the discourse, repeated the tale of wrong, adding : 'Bad this woman really been poor and friendless, as supposed, what would the end have been ? Deprived of her good name, and in conse quence, of all means of' earning a livelihood, she would doubtless have been discouraged and desponded, and sunk down to the grave a victim of the scandal of those falsely calling them-elves Christians; and who, in the sight of God, would not only have been classed among liars, but murderers.— Wood's house hold Magazine. Good. Advice Whatever be your calling, be proud of it Are you a shacmak •r? Try to make 'a bet ter shoe than any other man can make. Yes, whatever your rude or profession, excel in it it you can. Bear in mind that any kind of honest la bor is honorable. but choose well. 'ln what 'er you h weal, indulge your taste' if you like the free life and honest labor of a farmer, do not drag out long years in the study of law or medicine, for that would on ly be 'vanity and vexation of spirit;' 'out go immediately to the farai„and in the life you love enjoy that perfect peace of mind pe culiar to every individual that feels he is in his forte, doing what God designated he should, and who will never have to realize that cold, humiliating, and sickening feeling that his life has been a failure. Suffer not that feeling to creep over you, but be up and doing. 'Look well to the wmys of your footsteps.' Keep clean the house of clay in which God has placed you. Touch not, taste not that which will corrupt it. Go not to your grave a composition, one. third whirly, one-third tobacco, and the re maining third corruption, so filthy that even the ghouls and ravenous worms would scorn to touch you. Ile true to yourself. • Deal honestly and plainly with your fellow men. Remember that ''Doubtless the p'ensure is as great In being cheated as to cheat." FEMININE Itomrs.—Don't be afraid of a little romping by your girls, uud never pun ish them for indulging in it, but thank Heaven, which has endowed them so largely with animal spirits • These must have vent some way, and better the glow which a little romping imparts to the cheeks than a dis torted spine and pallid brow.• Health is one of the greatest blessings. and only a good share of physical exercise eau secure this to children. Let them rump, then, even if they do make some noise and tear-their dresses occasionally. and lead you to cry out, .0h dear I what shall 1. do? Yes, )et thew romp. The tiwe tor sad laces comes fast enough. Here is the pithiest sermon over 'preached : 'Our ingress iu hie is netted sod bare, our progress 'through life is trouble anti care ; our egress out of it, we kuow not where; but tieing well here we shall do well there.' Sing Away Your Grief, Henry Ward 13eeeber gives the following excellent advice : We can sing away our cares easier than we can reason them away. The birds are tins earliest to sing in the morning; the birds are more without cure than anything that I know of. Sing in the evening. Sing is the last thing the robins do. When they have done their daily work—they have flown • their flight, and picked up their last morsel of food and cleansed their bills on a napkin of a bough, then on a top twig, they sing one song of praise. I know they sleep sweetly for it. They dream music, for sometimes in the night they brehk forth in singing, and stop suddenly after the first note, startled by their own voice. Oh, that we might sing evening and morning, and let song touch song all the way through. As I was return ing from the country the other evening, be tween six and seven o'clock, bearing a bas ket of flowers, I met a •man that was ap parently the tender of a mason. He looked brick and morter all over. He had worked the entire day, add had the appearence of a man that would not be afraid of work. He was walking on with a light step, and sing• ing to b.i.rusel' as he passed down street, tho' he had been working the whole day and near ly the whole week. Were it not that my good thoughts came too late, 1 should have given him a largo allotment of my flowers.— If ho had not been out of my sight when the _idea -occurred- to me, I should haVe hailed him and said 'Have you worked all day ?' 'Of course I have,' he would have said.— 'Are you singing 'Of course I am.' 'Then take these flowerx--home—and give them to your wife, and tell her what a blessing she has in you.' 0. that we could put songs under our bur. ;en ! 0, that we could extract the sense of orrow by song! Theo these -things would of poison so much. Siug in the house.— Peach your children to sing. When troub• es come, go to them with songs. When 'riefs arrive, sing thew down. Lift -the .. _ siugiug; that will lilt you above trials of every sort. Attempt it. They sing in heav en , and among God's people upon earth, scmg is the appropriate language of Christian feeling. . . The Sister No household is complete.. without a sis ter. She gives a finish .to the f a mily,— A sister's love, a sister's influence ! what can be more hallowed ? A sister's watchful care! Can any thing be more tender ? A sister's kindness ! Dues the world show us any thing more pure ? Who would live without a sister, from choice ? A sister that is a sister, in fidelity, in purity, iu love, is a soit.of guardian angel iu the home circle.— (ler presence condemns vice. She is the quickener of good resolutioWthe sunshine in the pathway of home. To every brother the is a light and life. Her heart is her treasure-house of confidence. • In her he finds a last friend, a charitable, forgiving, tender, often though a severe friend, In her be finds a ready companion Iler 'sym pathy as open as day, and sweet as the Ira. prance of flowers. We pity the brother who has no sisters—no sister's love. We 'feel sorry for the home which is not enliven ed by a sister's presence. A sister's office is a noble and a gentle one. It is hers to persuade to virtue, to win to wisdom's ways; gently to lead where duty calls , to guard the citadel of home with the sleepless vigi• lance of virtue. To be a true 'sister, is to hold a sweet place in the heart of home.— Let every sister meditate on what she is and what she ought to be, on her office, her duty, her pleasure, her life. It is hers to be a model and set an example of innocence, virtue, cheerfulness, patience and forbear ance, to be the smile and light of home and the circle of loved ones. FOR HUSBANDS.—When a man has es tablished a home, has a wife and children,. the roost important duties of his Ito have fairly begun The errors of his youth way be obliterated, the faults of his early --(lays may be overlooked; but from 'the moment of his marriage he commences to write an ineffaceable history, nut by pen and ink, but by deeds, by which be must ever af terward be repotted and judged. His conduct at home, his care for his family, the training of his children, his attentions to his wife, his devotion to the great in terests of eternity; these are the tests by which his character will ever afterward be estimated by all who think or care about him. These will determine his position while living, and influence his memory when the grave has closed over hint. And us he uses well or ill the brief space allotted to him, out of all eternity, to establish a nine found ed upon the nipst solid of foundations—pri vate worth—so will God and man judge of him. He holds in his hands the private weal and woe of wife and children, and if, he a buses the most holy, God-given trust, he can not hope for mercy hereafter: Many a child goes astray, simply because 'home lacks sunshine. Many a wife esteems death her best friend. because he who swore before God to `love, honer and cherish' has for gotten Lis vows. It is related that n merchant in a town not a thousand miles from the goodly city of Hamilton recently hired a new clerk, and, of course, initiated him at once into the imys teries of the ‘tr .de - mark.' The same after- noon the newly inducted knight of the yard stick was showing Bowe roods to a lady ens tower, when she deraurre% at the price _of the article. The feelings of the merchant may be imagined when the young man called at the top ul his voice bat shall I sell this for; It is marked lour dollars and a half. and cost fifty cents "rhe engagement with the clerk soon terminated. Idleness is the parent of want dnd shame How Monkeys are Caught. The lollowing plan to.eateh monkeys beats tbo old trick of pelting the same animals with stones to make them pick cocoa nuts : Monkeys are such cunning creatures, that one would suppose them much more difficult to catch than other wild animals. _Pitfalls will take a lion, and the famished monarch of the forest will, after a few days' starva tion, dart into a cage containing food, end thus be' secured. But how - are morikeys caught? The ape family resemble man.— Their vices are human. They love liquor and fall. In Dariour and Senuaar the na. tives make fermented • beer, of which the monkeys are passionately fond. Aware of this, the natives go to the marts of the for ests frequented by the monkeys, and set on the ground calabashes full or the enticing liquor. As soon as the monkeys sees and tastes it, he utters loud cries of joy that soon attract his comrades. Then an eirgie begins, and in a short time the beasts show all de grees of intoxication. Then the negroes ap• pear. The drinkers are too far gone to cuts• trust them, but apparently take them for lar• ger specjes of their own genius. The ne. groes take some up, and these immediately begin to weep and ewer them with maudlin kisses. When a negro takes one by the hand to lead him off, the nearest monkey will cling to the one who thus finds a support, and-en deavors to go off also Another will grasp him, and so on, till the negro leads a stag gering line of -ten or a dozen tipsy monkeys. 'When finally brought to the village they are securely caged, and gradually sober down, but for two or three days, a gradually dimin ishing supply of liquor is given them, so as to reconcile them by degrees to their state of captivity. The Best Comforters. • Upon this subject the -Rev. T. D. Talmage says : Those — who have had no decided trouble themselves are miserable comforters. A man who ha l s always been in the -summer, of t lk to a man i the winter of adversity. Fur this reason, aged people are the best comforters. No hand takes pain out of a sore spot like an old hand. Neu who have had a thouiarid wounds them selves know all about trouble, and how to sympathize with it. Although you are forty or fifty years of ago, if your father or mother be living, you go to them with your trouble. If you have old people in the house, and can go to them with your trouble, I congrat ulate you Although they may not say much, these old people, when they come to us in trouble, it is so pleasant to have them Cher ish them, if you have them now. Let them lean on your arm. If their hearing is a lit tle dull, and they don't beer you the firsr time, and you have to speak the second time, don't say it sharp. You will feel sorry tor it if you do, when you have taken the last look, and when you brush the silver locks back from the wrinkled brow, and the WI dertaker screws down the coffin lid over the dear old face. God bless the old folks!— They may not be able to walk much, or talk mueb, but oh ! it is a blessing to have them around when you are in trouble. Thrilling Exhibition It was one day during last month that a telegram from' Jacksonville, W., related the following : Yesterday afternoon, at the 1111. nois Hospital for the insane, !muted in this city, a most appalling, exciting and thrilling scene was witnessed by many persons. An insane woman in seine way escaped from the apartments in which . she had been cOnfined, rushed up the stairway, leaped upon the roof, and dashed away to the end of the buillding, swan , ' herself over the edge of the roof and dropped to a cornice, some six or eight feet below Upon this cornice, a foot (Side and seventy•five feet above the ground, the wild maniac waled back and forth for a quarter of an hour. , Men rushed to the root and passed a rope to her, and tried to per saado her to fasten it about her body, but in vain. Velow beds were brought and placed, to break the•fall, should she leap from her perilous position. After remaining on the cornice fifteen minutes, seemingly unconcious of all danger, she swung off, and holding by the cornice until her feet touched a cap of the filth story window, she let go the o and, wonderful to relate, alighted erect and steady upon the cap, which was but a foot wide and four feet long. There, at that fearful and dizzy height, she stood gazing about for a quarter of an hour. Then she seized firmly the rope lowered to her, and leaped into the air. The strong arms above gradually lowered her, and when she was about thirty feet from the ground she relax ed her hold, and fell upon the beds below, and, although stunned, was taken up. unin jured. • OUR PRESENT DUTY.—The living—give them kiod words end loving deeds. Wait not to carve a eulogy upon the stone above their heads; keep not back the merited work of commendation while they dwell in the flesh. Too many, - alas ! too many shut the door of their hearts till the loved . one has passed on ; till the warm; loving heart has ceased to beat, and the willing hand is pulsied in death. Theo tho words which sho'd have cheered their souls in life ripple over their graves—words which if given while they were with us in the flesh, would have linked them to our souls, now that they have risen would, like a chain of love, have drawn us up to them. It is natural for us to idealize, and speak tenderly, loy ingly of those mon called `the dead.' It is refining, comforting, and assuring to our souls to do so; but lot us remember' . that the kind weld and deed to the living to day are better than any eulogy we may place upon the tombstone we rear for them to. morrow: Sorrow's best astiduto is eayloyoitnt. The Wrong Man PonWeed: The lollowiug story, which we do not re. member to have seen in print, may be old, but is received as true: At a latuoua and fashionable watering place, a gentleman one night was suddenly seized in bed with an excruciating pain in the stomach, which neither brandy, No. 6, nor any other remedy could remove. his wife, after trying a number of things in vain, and having exhausted all her stock of reme dies, left her husband's bedside fur the pur pose of getting a warm application. 4i/ulded on her return by a light which she supposed was the one just left, Abe softly entered, and was not a little surprised to find her patient apparently in a deep slumber. However, thinking he might still be suffering, she gently raised the bed clothes, &e., and laid the scalding poultice upon a stomach—but not the stomach of her husband—which no sooner touched the body of the person than be greatly alarmed, and writhing under the torture of the burning application, shouted, hallo I what in the name of heaven and earth are you about there ?' then, with one spring from bia bed, he. made for the door, and, rushing down stairs, declared, in a frenzy of excitement, that some one had poured a shovel of hot coals upon him. The woman, overcome with excitement nod alarm, gave a frantic scream, which brought' her husband hurriedly in from the next room to her rescue. The husband was so much ex cited, and also so much amused with the sin gular mistake and the ridiculous position of his better half, that he forgot all his pains, but early nest morning he, his wife and trunks left for parts unknown. The pout ticed gentleman still retains the handker. chief —a beautiful linen fabric, with the la. dy's name on it—which he considers of rare value. Afraid he - might - be Dead.-- [Scene iu the 'soliciting-room of a morning• newspaper. Enter a man of Teutonic ten• dencies, considerably the worse at last nights Teuton (to the man at the desk) 'lf you please, sir, I vants de baper wit die morning. One vot hash de names of de peoples vot kills cholera all de 'Mee [le was-handed, apapar r and, after — look ing over it in-a-con7used way, said you pe so Boot ash to read do names vot don't have do cholera any more too soon joss now, and see ii Call Geinseulteopeuhol tnn has got em 7' The clerk very obligingly read the list, the Teuton listening with trembling attention, wiping the perspiration from his brow, mean while in great excitement. When the list was completed, the name of Carl Geinsen— well, no matter about the whole name, it was not there. The Teuton's face brightened up and he exclaimed 'You don't find em ?' Clerk—'No such name there sir.' Teuton (seizing him warmly by the band) 'This IA nine,—this ishamme Inns; that ish my names. I pin trunk as never vas, an, by tam, I vas 'lraid I was gone ted mit cholera an' didn't know it• Mine Cot ! I yes met.' At Lawrence, Kansas, one Sunday, while a minister wa9 holding forth in the church, a crowd got up a cock fight in the yard.— The people who had congregated to hoar the Word, went out to put a stop to the fight, but waited until the battle was over before objecting. The minister looked. out of the window at the crowd, and said, 'We are all poor miserable sinners—which whipped ?' A Dutch woman kept a toll gate. One foggy day a traveler asked 'Madam how far is it to .13- ?"Shoost a leeilo ways,' was the reply. 'Yes; but bow far?' again asked the traveler. t.Shoost a leetle ways ;' more emphatically. 'Madam, is it ono, two, three, four or five miles ?' Tne good woman ingeniously replied, clinks it is A woman is Missouri hung herself be. cause hor husband weal to California. Next week a di.zea friar° started but their wives wouldn't hang worth a cent, and the poor dis consolate deviis have nil returned broken. hearted. • • • Josh Billings says the the mosquito was born of poor but honeAt . Nronts, who had is their veins some of the best. blood in the country. It is well enough to know this fact, as the time for their annual visit is rapidly approaching. COULDN'T STAND It.—A, tailor's appreu• Lice, who seemed to be pained a good deal by the cross-leg attitude, was asked how he liked tailoring, to which be replied, 'Very well but I believe I shall never be able to stand sitting. A Chicago girl broke off her engagement with a young wan for the reason that he sneezes is his steep. It it wouldn't bo im pertinent, we would like to know how she found it out. Some mischievous wags one night pulled down a s turuer's sign, anctput it over a law yer's door• • In the morning it read: 'All sorts ut turning and .twtsting done here.' • Time borders'upao eternity. It requires but au instant to wake Ulu passage frew the one to the other. When your horse refuses his food, after drinking, uo lumber that day, bueause toe creature is thoroughly beaten. What oan you not name without breaking it i Silence What is the greateet curioeity in the world! 11. wemaa's. Cheap mucosity—hiving a. wan a piece of your midd. . 'I f Ntal,_
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers