. . • . 3 . - -- 1, • "'3 ".• .:' l'.. ..,...,,....„... 4.1: __ . .._ _. _ _ .•• , -• . . ..... ~._ • . . _ • 1? , - .. • . / . . . .1 ' ••• . • • • '• . • ; . . • V ' I ..- ' • , . .•, •• . • 1 . / • • •.• .li ... . . _ _wit .. .. ....... ~..... _14... ..........., ei .., • .:- --.-.- ..- 7, ..., '' T :' ~ ,.4 4. 1 7.. ~, r , .....y. . - „Nz., e -•/..--- ..,.:-..:-,.. .---' - ~-... ;.:-..: ~, , . Vor3iFT4:. • .- - , ' • .: ...,,...,7!.... :. . . - . 1. :.: • • _ _ .. • . •-".-=' .. •.. . . ..,...,, . _ ~. , , . . . . , .__. • 337 - Z7P. 131ettir. VOLUME XXII. Y O U-- AIL NAVA HEARD or `BOOFLA.ND'S GERMAN BITTERS, AND HOOFLAND'S GERMAN TONIC. Yrepared by Dr. y O. R. Jackson, Philadelphia. Their Introduction into-this country.trom Oeratany occurred is 1925. ' THEY CURED YOUR PATHERS AND MOTHERS, And will cure you and yonr children. 'They are entirely different from the many preparations now in the country called Bitters or Tonics. Tbey are no tavern prepa- ration, or anything like one; but good, honest, reliable medicines. They are The grtittest known rentedissfor gLiver Complaint. DYSPEPSIA, Nervous Debility, JAUNDICE, Diseases Of - the Kidneys. ERUPTIONS OF THE SKIN, and all Diseases arising from a Bison. dared Liver, Stomach, or • IMPURITY OF THE BLOOD. Constipation, Flatulence, Inward Pil3s., .Fu.lames of Blood to the Head, Acidity of the Stomach, Nausea_, Heart burn. Distrust for Food. Fulness or Weight in the Stomach, Sour Eruotatione, Sink ing-or-Ffuttering_at_the Pit of the Stomac h _, Swim- - rains. of the Head, .Hurried or Difficult Breathing. Fluttering Co at the Heart, Choking o r Suffocating Sensations When in a Ly- in g Posture. , lame 38_01_ ._ - =_Visior ,I=Dots or Webs before the Sight. Dull Pain in the Head,_ Deficiency • of Perspiration, - Yellowness of the Skin and Eyes, Pain- in the Side --Back,—Cheat,-Limbs,-etc.. ' :telden - Flushes - of-Heat,-Einrn ing in the Flesh, Constant Imaginings of Evil and Great Depression of Spirits. All these indicate disease of the Liver or Digenws - Organs, combined with impure blood. lloofland's German Bitters is entirely vegetable; arid — contains no liquor. It is a compound of Fluid:Ex tracts. The Roots, Herbs, and Barks from which these extracts are made are gathered i n German?. All the tiled! einal virtues Co arc extracted front them by a scientific chemist. Theme extracts are then forwarded to this country to be used expressly for the manufacture ofthese Bitters. There is no alcoholic substance ofany kind used in compounding the Bitters, heaven i , ; the only Bitters that can be used IA eases where alcoholic stimulants are not advisable. Hoofland's German Tonic is a combination of all the ingredients of the Bitters, with rnns Santa Crus Ruin, Orange, etc. It is wed for the sante diseases as the Bitters, in cases where some pure alcoholic stimulus is required. You will bear in owed that these remedies are entirely dilferont from any others advertised for the cure of the diseases noised, these being scientific preparations of medicinal rxtracts, while the others are mere decoctions of rum in some form. The TONIC is decidedly one of the most plea sant and agreeable remedies ever offered to the pliblic. Its Mgt is CZ/pi/ill. It is apleasure to WI: , ii, while ill We-giving, exhilarating, and medicinal qualities have *mud it to be known as the greatest of all tonics. DEBILITY. nitre ft MI medicine equal in Moe•.tv i' • ' 4 , rman ilitlers or Tonic in y , aser nr • bthty. il They impart a Gone andet f , ,, - . whole system,. strengthen the ~I ' • Taus• an enjoyment of the fond, -- •he sio• mach to digest it, purify the blood, give -, •: sound, healthy pontptrzion, eradicate the yellow . on the eye, impart a bloom to the cheeks, and eh• • • • the from a short•breathed, emaciated, woo '. ... : y•reous invalid, to a full-faced, stout, and vigor... , ..--a. Weak and Delicate Chiinn , LJ are made strong by using the In :Les or Tonle. In fact, they are Prmth - 'fedi.. tines. they can be admini•tvr..t with perfect safety to a child three months old, the most delicate female, or f man of ninety. nose Remedies are /he best 1 IL I Blood Partners eller knout% and Will cure all diseases re ng from bad blood. Xeep your bloodpnr Tep your Liver in order; keep your dille h e organs in a sound, healthy ecrnMtio y the use of these remedies, and no :ease ttrai ever assail you. The best men in the eountryscom mend them. if years of honest reputation go J. 6 anything you must try these preparations. f. FROM. 1101 Q. GEO. W. WOODW4RD, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Petsylvania. PHILADULPIIIA, MAN 6, 1801. /find "HoodattePs German Bitters" is rp an Intox icating beverage, but is a good tonic, useful V disorders of the digesteve organs, and of great benef+s cases ref debility and want of nervous action, in the item. Yours truly, GEO. W. woo.iwAßD. FROM HON. JAMES THOMPBOT, Judge of the Supreme Elbert of Pennefrmln. 4, I eons Viva' Boa and. A tm rlil [ADZ I.PlitAAlllll , ,: i 186% German lilt ters ~ Ova/14We medicine in ease ' of attteks •of Indigestion or lipso psis,. I can certify this from my exper luce of St. Yours. with respect, • JAIME* TateraboN. PROBE REV. JOSEF% D. KENNADDD. D., Pastor of the; Tenth Bennet Church, Phlidelphte. DR. JAMESON—Dean See :-1 have been Pouently requested to connect sety name with reamtntendbons of di f ferent kinds or m ed icines, bta regarding theoractics as old of my appropriate sphere, I have in abases de clined ; bat with a clear proof in various ind*.es, and particularly in my own/away, of the usefulrate of Dr. Roojtanct's German Baltert, I depart for oncerfrove my usuatcourse, to eapress my full conviction gaiter gen eral debility of the system and especially fe Liver Wm Complaint, it is a safe and luable pre par &don. in some eases y. P. may jail; but unsay, I doubt noeil lola be very beneficial to those whesufer + - row the above causes. Yours, very respectfully J. H. KELVIVA", Eighth, below Costa tat. • ' ' 0.4.17 1 120 N. Hositand's German Remedies are enunterfen4 m. maim have the sifincaure of C. Rt. Xackse k on lhe front of Ito mature wrapper of each boate, wit - the name orthe-arlide blown in, each bola& AU (Age ars counterfeit. Priee of The Bitters, $1 00 per bottle; Or, a half dozen for $5 00. PricacheThe Tonle, $1 50 per betide; Or, lf dozen for $7 50. Tho tonic Is pat up, in vast bottles. Th'^. 77, ^f that it is Dr. Monona"; German Rarities that are so universally used and to highly yonn mended ; 'and do no aglow the Drikkgizig ID to induce you to taint anything else ad ha mat/ fay fi jute as good, heat to siahes a tarp ?profit on it. Thee ` ICU wiU be sent by asprent to any locality aeon a • ion tothe - . P/STSCIPAI. OFFICE, ' k ai, AT TEE GERMAN 'MEDICINE STO M. 631 ARCS STREET, Philadelphia. CHAS. M. EVANS, Proprietor,. Formerly. C. M. ZACESON & CO. Thee. Remedies are for sale 'by ethic Storekeepers, and Medians De :Ws everywhere. Do nat,forgeg tatxatreine meal ibe a:tic:4m bel l order gaiM Use geeuesst.. opt 25—'68. WAYNESBORO', FRANKLIN COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA I :FRIDAY MORNING, JULY - x7c)vriaxc,.,el.r.a. MBE IS NO MITI Thera is no death I The stars go down To rise upon some fairer shore; Ana bright in Heaven's jeweled ereww., : , They shine for evermore. ' Thore is no death ! The dust we tread Shall change beneath the summer showers, To golden grain or mellow fruit, Or rainbow tinted flowers. The granite rocks disorganize, To feed the hungry moss they bear, The forest leaves drink daily life, From out the viewless air. There is no death ! The !caves may fall, The flowers may fade and pass awe`, They onlywait through winter's - hon The coming of the May. There i W He ars our L And ..(o death ! An angel form a o'er the earth with silent tread, t loved. things away, we call them .Dead.', He leaves o r hearts all desolate, He plucks our fairest, sweetest flowers; Transplanted into bliss, they now Adorn immortal bowers. T-bird-Hkb=voicei - vrhose - joyous - trines Made glad these scenes of sin and'strife, Sings now an everlasting song, Arni,l,the tree of life. And where he sees a smile too bright, Or heart too pure for taint and vice, He bears it to that world of light, To dwell in paradise. Born unto that undying life, They leave us but to come again; With joy we welcome them—the same, Except in sin and pain. ' And ever near us, though unseen, The dear, immortal spirits tread, For all the boundless universe there are 'no dead. . TILE OTIIER DAY. The shadow of some bm.dred years Falls on a mansion quaint and gray, Where I, with mingled hopes - and fears, Whispered sweet secrets in the ears, Of one whom now I see through tears,. Only the other day. Oh, Margaret ! my Margare t As oft in rhyme I used to say, Girl with the eyes of violet ! How in the pine-wood walks we met, When early flowers with dew were wet, 'Twas but the other day. When sunset skies were amethyst, We to the woodlands found,our way; At eve our elders played at whist, ' And we, of amnia., were never missed Vihen we stole out, and talked, and kissed, Only the other day. I wont across the salt sea foam— We corresponded while away ; Paris I saw, Vienna,' Rome. The Bridge of Sighs, St. Peter's dome, And then, with hungry heart. came tome By steam the othir day. My Madge was m irried t o an Earl ! (A gouty one, I'm glad to say ;) „Her tresses have the self-same curl, Through rosebud lips I see the pearl ; But oh! she's not the little girl I wooed the other day. 'I'Mc7rTIIT'E V 4 Our Buried Treasures There are many graves in this world of ours, many hillocks of consecrated ground where rank grass draws nourishment from sacred dust. Many mourners there are in this same strange world,—an endless train of sorrow stricken ones, hearts bruised - and sable-clad,lnttersanetuaries forever tenanted by the ,unforgotten , dead. There are 'few hearts_tbat have nets veiled recess, where in is treasured up add Inden away from pro fane eyes theiecord of a sacred grief. Few are the mortals who' cherish not in. their bosoms the temembrinee of -something that has been and is not,4.- who _weep not over the grave .of a. departtd joy. For there aro other graves than those containing human forms; not all are (heaped , up• and turfeti it over.by the sexton spade. Bright ..hopes fade and die, oheri lod projects fail, dearest purposes are rude uprooted, whole life plans overthrown; nd all these ho buried in the human het. But, whether enclosed in grassy churchyard, arrayed side by side, with.gleaming ma Ale at the head, and rose bushes, may be, a . the foot—or, unmarked by marble slab, all . seen by mortal vision, hidden- in the in , rmost recesses of one's ownsottl, they ar: have bent above t 'stilt graves, and mourners em. - . DANGER OF 'ELAY.—An lowa paper reports that as a au and his: wife- were at workan,a'.field i , that State, their child, which was in a b ket near them, was heard to cry, and the h band 'asked the wife .to go and See-Whit the rouble :was: 2 She ; intent upon her work, • rayed a few minutes, and then, to her . ho sr, she foUnd her child a dead, with lar snake coiled atirind:4.— Tim husband, in e frenzy of his anger and •••rief struck.his ife with a hoe that be held in his hand nd,killed her instantly: , .4133. ..t.lsc,telpea3 d.eritVaim.ll.3r lqervcrairozapex&a. HOMELY HETTY. BY GRACE TARRY. ran do ) ex ecute one of the numeroits :denims with which sbe was honored by the less energetic members of the family._ _ - As she stood there, she was startled by the sound o f approaching footsteps, and looked anxiously around for some way of es cape. Hefty might well be pardoned for not car ing to be seen in her present attire; especial ly as she recognised the voice of one-of the intruders. Though near the middle of the afternoon, she still wore her morning dress, which though clean, was sadly wrinkled; her collar was awry, and her hair looie and dis arranged by the ever restless fingers of little Willie. Unable to make her escape by the door, she sprang - to the recess in one .of the win. dows, drawing the heavy , curtains arena(' her ,so as to effectually conceal her from view. She had hardly tinfiliterd - o - this; when Ed ward Gaylord and Charles Clifford entered, -a nd_tak ing_a_seat_upno_th e-sofk_very_neato where Betty stood, half frightened, half a• mused at their unconscious proximity. As the girl who had shown them in , die. appeared to inform her young ladies of their arrival, the conversation between the two gentlemen took a tone and bearin. , much too confidential and personal to be agreeable to the unwillin? listener. '3l - r - s. Gray has unusually interestieg family of daughters,' reniaiked Mr. Gaylard. 'Yes : the Misses Gray are seertainly very pretty,' returned his companion. itnvception — off - ot what she might look very pretty in some families, but beside such excessively pretty creatures as Jane Elleu and Laura looks de• cidely—homely! 'Homely ?' responded Mr, Clifford, 'Miss Hetty homely ? Well yes ; I think, on the whole, that she has a good claim to that title.' Here the conversation was interrupted by . 117 if L=aod3ane. entrance o ,aura Poor Hetty'a mind took in little of the lively conversation that followed, though its laughter and merriment jarred harshly on her loving and-sorely wounded heart. She thought their visit would never be over, and as soon as it was, and she had opportunity to escape to her chamber, she burst into tears, weeping for some minutes without restraint. Poor child! She hardly knew, until it was - thus - rudely-destroyed,-thelittle -romance-that her active imagination had been weaving.— i ow, she was conscious that in her heart she had believed that Mr Clifford liked, even admired her. Her cheeks burned as she recalled how of ten she had unconsciously expressed this feeling and the pleasure it gave to her. And her eyes filled afresh with tears a t the thought. You, doubtless, consider her very foolish, reader. Dear lady, if such you are, wise and philosophic as we will admit you to be, would you like to be called homely ? We doubt whether any woman does like it, or whether she ever acknowledges, to herself, that she is so, She may admit that she is not hand some, that she has features Otte at variance with the lines of•artistic beauty, but that she is so destitute of personal attraction as to merit the appellation of homely. is what lew women have the courage to believe of them selves, et to hear from the lips of others. But Hetty, with all her foolishness, was no coward. She was afraid to look truth in the face, however disagreeable the story is told ; and going to the mirror, she gazed long and earnestly on the features reflected there, scrutinizing it in every detail, as she had nev- er done before. We are forced to acknowledge that the re flection presented was not of the most flat tering description. Heroines of romance can weep, ad libatunt, passing through the 'briny flood' only to shine with increased lustre and beauty—in deed, that seems to be their normal condi tion—but on the ordinary mortals, from which our heroine is taken, it has a different effect. The large gray eyes were dim and heavy - the rosy flush had forsaken the cheeks anti taken, refuge in the tip of a nose, not remark= ably ugly, yet evidently constructed more with a view to use than ornament, while the unusually frankly smiling mouth had every wee•begone, disconsolate expression. As Hetty gazed, she was stung with a feeling of self .eontempt that she should have been thus deluded How could she bare believed herself personally attractive, least of all to a man like Charles Clifford ? No; love was not for.ber—at least not the love she • sought. But she would not yield to repining; she would interest herself in the dear ones around her • she would take up her lifework serenely and hopefully, not doubting but that she would, in the'end; find peace. But with all her self.condemnation, Het ty could not, acquit Mr Clifford of lalame.-:-- She recalled' words, and looks and tones, that conveyed more meaning - than any words could. . 'I have been foolish,' she, though, 'but he bas been worse than foolish. He must have been inwardly mach amused it my simplici ty and credulous vanity; but he will have to seek some other recreation for the future.' They were to have a little social gathering in the evening, to which. Hetty had looked forward with pleasure, but from which, now, she would•gladly have absented herself But a course so unoxpeeted would be-sure to call forth 'unpleasant remarks - and kit:tires; so she determined to, appear But, instead of wearing the dress she hid intended, and which—she blushed now tis she recalled . ir--she bad thought ,would make her .plea Sing in his eyes,'sho ch4ose 'one of Bonze dark, grave• color,, attiring herself as plainly as she coal for such au occasion.. • Contrary to her usual custom; [hay did .... _ . n to th not make her appearance below until nearly_ all the guests bad assembled. Mr. Clifford was present; which Hotly felt rather 'than saw. Thet same subtle masmetism wand Mr: Clifford of betty's entrance, -but he was en gaged in lively conversation with Miss Jane, and was too well bred• to Make any public de monstration of his feelinge. - - A single glance sufficed to show him whither she had retreated, and he soon con trived to make his way to that end • of the room, and even to secure a seat by her aide. How near we can be to people and yet how iatapart„ Mr. Clifford felt this, especially when he looked into Hetty's cold face and averted eyes.' How different from her smile and blush with which she had formerly greeted him 'Are you well tonight, Hetty ?' That look and tone of tender interest would once have called forth very different feelings. 'I am quite well, Mr. Clifford !' 'Mr. Clifford !' Could it'be that ebe had taken offence at his calling her by her Chris tian name? He had often done so of late, _attd_s_he_h iflpleas_ure 'I feared you might not be well, because you seem so—strange, so different from what I have ever known you.' • 'Few of us are what we seem to be. For instance, you are not speaking to me as you feel or as you would speak of me to another.' Here, unable to conceal her indignation at *hat she considered to be the tart he was ftCtingliffiiiie.and took herself to anoth er part of the room, leaving Mr. Clifford as tonished and bewildered at her unaccounta ble words and manner. Ike had o - f- ' .ae - had - no - furtheropportunity — of - speats ing to her during the evening, but the more he pondered on it, the more he was convinced that some one had been sayinc , something to hie_disaredit,-and-he-dotermined-to-seel early explanation. With this object in view, he called at Mrs. Gray's the next morning. It being quite early for visitors, he found ffetty quite by_herself. She arose at Mr. Clifford's, entrance. 'I will speak to my sisters,' she said, turn. ing to the door, 'But it is not your sisters, but you, that I have come to see. Please resume your seat, and listen to me.' ‘Mr. Clifford .does not discover his usual good taste in seeking the society of one per sonally so unattractive.' 'Unattractive! my dear Miss Hett you are the sweetest, the most charming—' Betty's cheeks flushed indignantly. 'Stay, Mr. Clifford That you should con sider me, what I, myself, 'maid you call me, I have no right to complain. - You,' doubt. less, spoke truly and as you thought. But that you should continue to act so false and deceitful a part is what I cannot, will not-eu- - dure' , To what do you refer?' refer to what you said to Mr. Gaylard, yesterday morning, in this room; and which, by the - tnerest ehan3e, I overheard.' A sudden light flashed on Mr. Clifford's mind. _ 'Le that all ? True; I called you homely, that term so wrongly applied and construed —perhaps, horne/e7ce would have better ex pressed. my meaning. .Dear Elegy, could you hare, looked into my, heart, whets I spoke thus s you would haver known that• what I said sprang from my faith in your ability to make home the dearest and brightest plain on earth. Ah I if you would • only consent to be the joy and sunshine of my home ?' We all know what a beautifier love is, • es pecially when it is recognized and returned ; and certainly Hotly's fairer sisters never looked more lovely than she, as she yielded to the fond embrace to which she was fold• ed. And we doubt as to whether all their beau ty won for them such a loving heart, or so happy a home as foil to the lot of 'Howdy Dotty.' Put a Knot In Your Thread. When I was a boy, the following story used to be told, to impress upon youthful minds the necessity of carefulness in secur ing advantages : 'A tailor had lived to an old age and be came wealthy, the envied of all who knew him. Ells life, as all lives will, drew to a close, and feeling some desire to benefit his craft, he gave out word that on a certain day he would be happy to communicate to all the tailors in his neighborhood the secret by which be bad and they , might become wealthy. A great Dumber came and while they waited with anxious silence the important revelation, he •was raised up in hisi)ed, and slowly said with his expiring breath, -Always put a knot io your thread.' 'A thousand times since I have thought of it'. I have known preachers to string' splendid. pearl's of tho't and argument Op some golden thread'of Scripture, and have seen the whole !oar,' not even rettiernbered, because a good hard knot of applicatfon wits' wanting, not only .to secure them, but to make them felt.' • TILE END Qv Iticaps.—The suicide ;of a rich miser is reported iq the London papers. She was a widow named Harriet Gray, eighty. one years of age., She was worth, over forty thousand pounds, hatoNaa in the habit of denying herself of tho,neeessaries of ,life.— She kept one candle in the house, and when.. ever, her nephew called. upon her she made 'it a rule' to - light it, but wheri he, was going . Allirede bles it outosit , wash er Habit' to sit in the dark: The house' she' ti cd was in a filthy Vondition. • ' Fun (night to'lte olierished aqti.enaottraged hy all lawful mina. , People nover,plgt !Ids chief.whou They are worry. laughter is an: enemy to malice, a foe to soaptial friend to man. - MUM What Constitutes Ist. Numbers are not essential to power. When Gideon was to go forth against the Blidianites he had 32,000 men, but the Lord Baia unto_him,Ahe_peoploAhat_atewit_h_the_e are too many? So The number was reduced to 10,000. The Lord said again unto Gidebu, 'tire people th`at are_with thee are too many'- Three hundred , only of all that army were permitted to go to battle. These surround. ed the tramp of the enemy and cried, 'The sword of the Lord and'of Gideon,' and 'all of the hosts of the Midianitea fled. A handful of praying disciples were able to secure a great revival on the day of Pentecost. One man, with God, is a majority. 2d. Wealth does not make a church pow erful. It may have majestic walls, a beauti ful dome, frescoed ceilings, stained glass, and cushioned , pews—altthese will not turn one soul to God.' Haw often do we see poor churches whose influence for good is more. potent than the wealthy ones. 3d. It is not the learning or intelligence of its members. God often chooses the fool ish things to oonfound the wise, the, weak to overcome the mighty. It is not logic nor eloquent-argument—that—wins—men—to—a ocL- Beautiful sermons cannot do the work. 4th. The power of a 'church does not de , pend on the favor of the world, on popnlari• ty or the eloquent sermons of its minister. Popular churches are built upon the shifting sands of public opinion rather upon the Rock of Ages. Gt h—T-h 0-au ceetts-of,a,chnr eh-does-not-d pend wholly upon its minister: Without the hearty co-operation of its members it can do nothing. Many suppose that, as the farmer : :11 I ; I • 1,111• L merchant his store, so the minister runs hie church. Every member has a work to do. With large numbers, unbounded wealth, su• -perior- le arni og-ofits-members;grea t-populari= - 3r - an - d — rcu — clotprett - min - ister-- -- = w it h — all -- tires e a church may yet be a by-word. On what, then, does the power of a church depend ? • Ist. On the piety of its members. The -influence of a Godly life is more powerful than sermons. A poor widow who trusts fh God and labors patiently, without. murmur ing and without recompense, may by her ex ample preach with greater success than the minister who is paid to preach. No one finds fault with true piety. It is universally ad= mired. We want a religion that will stand the test of weighing and measuring during the week. 2d—Prevailing_prayer_is necessary._ merous passages of Scripture which promise answer to prayer were cited. Abraham saved Lot by praying to God. Moses many times delivered and preserved the children of Israel by fervent, earnest prayer, Daniel was kept by the power of God, in answer to prayer. The disciples were delivered from prison by the interposition of God, who heard and an swered them. We often say our prayers, but DO WE EVER PRAY ? Examples that had come under the speaker's observation in Turkey, illustrating the power of persistent prayer were recounted'. • • 3d. Working for the salvation of souls Work and prayer should always go together,. Church members should visit the sick and labor to alleviate suffering in every A boat containing twelve persons will glide over the water comparatively easy it all work the oars. Car Scene grsay, conductor, do you know who that good-looking lady is there with a- book ?' 'Yes, I've seen her a few times. 'By Jove she's splendid.' , 'Yes, I think she is.' 'Where does she live ?' 'ln Chicago, I believe.' 'l'd like to occupy that seat with-bet.' 'Why don't you ask her ?' 'I did not know but it would be out of order.' • 'lt would not be if she was willing to have you occupy it. Of course, you claim to be a. gentleman.' Oh! certainly. If you are acquainted with her, give ma an introduction; that is, if you have no objections.' :'Certainly not.' 'flow far is sho going do you know ?' 'Rochester, I believe.' ‘Glive.me, an introduction:by all means.' Fixing his hair, moustache, and whiskers in becoming style, he followed the conductor, who, on reaching the seat where the lady sat, said, with a peculiar twinkle in the eye: 'My wile, Mr. of Now York, • wbe assures me he will die before reaching Detroit if he does not (oral your acquaintance:, The getitlcinan, stammercdoituttered, grew red in the, face, faltered out som e excuse, and. retured tO ins beayleneing the lady in company: with•her husbauti to enjoy the joke. While they were talking', the man. left , his seat, came up, and said : 'All right, illr. Conductor, I owe you one. If you will give cue your address I will send da a' basket of, champagne, if you ay anything abptit this ; and if you want anythink to' drink befere• thb champagne' comes; we will atop at the first station:. - BRiditi' HOURS ON- EARTEL—There iB earth much sorrow nod much darkness; there is crime and-sickness, : the shriek of ,dispair , and, l the . deep,., long,' silent torture. , whO'Cio name thew 4.. the sufferirig - S . of manity,,,in their manifold, : pale. dispensation! l3at, God be ,praised, there fts also an alliance or kooduessao jay; the& are, noble deeds; fulfilled' hopes; momentirof • rapture, dedades of blissful peace, bright marriage-days, and calm, holy death-beds: , 'Bridget, whit have- yon 'done with , - the erenai ass ohddren cannot :eat skimmed milk for. brenkfast?,."Share, marto l and it ien't,rneself, that: Would' he slater Own' the anatil to jee.T. — ..-'1 tuk that'ofrand give 'it to the tide.' "- • - ,"-•• ' ' ' 69.00 Pow ireetue That's Wot .1-thcitum,c----- A few days since, says a Michigan paper; one specimen of humanity, chuck full of fashionable Altink, took ii seat in.the eirpress train at Jackson- and., Wet!. awaited the-ad.; vent of the coßduotor, whoppeara on time, and relieved the irattelor's of his ticket with out any remarks. On bin return the-travel er, buttonholed , him Xad, inquired : . -•- 'Conductor I How for ia't to Poleon ?' 'Twenty " That's wot 111 w%. • • -- At the next station the traveler stopped him and again inquired.- . 'Conductor ! How Kg to Manchester?' ' 'Dimity miles.' 'That's wot I tbo't.' At Manchester the traveler stopped him the third time and Said : 'Conductor l.llow far to Tecumseh ?! 'Twenty, miles.,• , , 'Then wot to't.' As the train left ,Teemnseh, traveler ex hausted the patient* Of the eondttetor, • and the following dialogue explains the result : 'Conductor,' How. far to Adri'n 7' The Qonduntor threw himself upon his ignitfrand-remarked • 'See here My friend, Jo you take me for a foot ?' • The traveler 'stuck to his teat,' and very cooly remarked. That's wot I tbo't:',•- The conductor joined the passengeis in a hearty laugh, and concluded to allow his pa. senger-to : itlWl--an=ho-please . - . WATERING THE 'Cow.—During the At hula campaign ono of our Generals, being rat • • : - • I i I I t. owiog, as he supposed, to the too free use of coffee. The commissary procured him a cow, which yielded him a good sized bowl of milk. _nigh t-a od-rnornio g —Fran kr-his-boo-set -vant,-and-Beno he-cook,-were_ . responsi hit for the appearance of the milk on the table morning and evening. One evening, after a hard• dare work, the Oeneral sat down to the table anticipating his usual refreshing repast of bread and milk, but upon tasting it thought it appeared to be diluted with water, and suspecting surreptitious love had been made to part with the original, and the quality of the remainder sacrificed to a delusory quan tity. 'Frank,' said be 'what is_tbe—matter With the milk ? it is half water.' dunno, General, I didn't put no water in it,' said Frank- - "Some one did,' said the General. - Ben if he knows anything atiourit:' In a few moments Frank returned, and, with a very grave face, said 'General, Ben says be didn't put any water in the 'mills but ho-watered the crow just before he milked her How MANY.— A young man asked an old man for his daughter in marriage. The answer was : 'Go into the orchard and bring in a number of apples. Give me one-half of the whole number and the mother half of the balance and - half an apple over, and to the daughter one .half of the remainder and half an apple over, and have one left for your• self without cutting an apple; and then, if she is willing you can have her.' Resolved the question, fluty many did he bring? ' 'Bow much longer,' asked a hungry trav eler in Ireland, who bad already been wait. ing an hour, 'are you going to keep me with. out my dinner ?' 'Yer honor shall have it five minutes.' Another awful interval ensued. The wait• er was again summoned. On this ()melon he escorted his guest to the window. 'Look into the yard, yer honor. D'ye see that ould cook there? Well I've been chas ing Min for the last half hour, and when I orteoh him yer dinnet'll soon either be ready' WORIAIt SOFFItAOE.--;• NM Stanton is get ting up a petition for female suffrage, to be presented at the next session of Oougress:— She says it will be the largest petition the world hai evor icon, and'decorated with flow ers and the American flag, will be carried into the National Capitol, by a troupe of girls, twenty ;one years of age, dressed in the national colors, one from each State, District and Tertitory.' I==!=lEill William asked old 'ten-per-cent' whit lie wanted to aeocunol i tt! so mush: l ooney co ? Says he iron c an ' t 46'4 with boa .6.: you dieiiid if you. e could ib would ====l Natilc Twain, lecturing on the Sandwich Islands,_offerett to,show . how the cannibals eat their'foud, if eonta. lady would lend bins a baby. -I The leottire wait not illustrated. Said a.very old ZlBl3 ; ! same folks always complain about, the , weather, but I am very thankful Wheili wake Up in the Morning to lied any weather at all;'• ' Dinuatisos.—Au "altar. op which mop 4.3qc hi poOket l heolc'ao womau her Jovo-lettere. .Why ire:the cioude•tike coachmen? Ber cause they hOd..thqyaius....L.- . Oasir;lirevi'and shrub's. - and the luau •who:deret advertise. hsre is only!, • ono ezooso.- or ..tov m . )1„4 u and that is igooratce. • - ' • liirheu was beefsteak the highest ? the (Now thew). :Sia haa'it great 'warty tools, bus a lie is a haakdlo.mthigli fits thew all. :,,.. : A ; (Wein' will riot oars the hes' Dor a golden.- ppe r' the - gnat. • - _ bachelor h.as toloolt oat for inter One—tlio • eiiiiriled - roarvfor nuwber two.' babl,qa. MEM ..:-~.i~ ~ =^ NEM 'I- r3==fs
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers