Village record., April 02, 1869, Image 1

333 r WIT. 81irtir.- -
Voiun xxiL-i--;:.1,_
A=LE Xi, LEE 0.-SiTz
Next door to the Town Hall, has naw on hand
a fine assortment of
Selected by himself with gient care, a largo and
well selected assortment of
u4aTti[alap
„„.. 0k,_qt,1.002 . -.
'1 . 7 •:- ..r '--
'...i...0...; ' .... N . ' - V.. • .
Of ~..r .._ ~
, • --,
*:-.......• - -'-=
ZY *- 2 • ' 4 ift .-
-:.: • -: 1-,--- , i , ----
-..',.-.l_ :.-:--,
rgf•
----,', --- • - roZ - . a_.--- -
of Swiss, English, and American Manufacture ;
JEWELRY
cheaper than ever before enld in Waynesboro', a I
the latest styles kept constantly on hand.
Every variety of Cuff buttons. A fine assort.
ment, of
FINGER AND EAR RINGS
Solid Gold. Engagement and
WEDDING RINGS,
Silver Thimbles and sheelds,' Castors, Forks, and
Spoons, Salt Cellar 3, and Butter Knives of the cel
ebrsted Roger Manufacture, at reduced rates.
SPECTACLES
1M; wY:
To suit everybody's eyes. Now glasses put in old
frames.
Clocks. Watches, and Jewelry promptly and
neatly repaired and warranted.
ALEX. LEEDS,
Next deur to the Town Hall, under the Photograph
Gallery. July 31.
LI. INNEMEE
DEALER IN
DRUGS,
Chemicals,
PATENT MEDICINES,
PREPARATIONS FOR THE HAIR,
OILS, PAINTS,
VARNISILESES,
dm. dire.
---.--0--.
UThysicians dealt with
at 20 per cent. discount.
Waynesboro' Hotel Building,
March 27, ISGItr.
WAYNESBORW, PA.
'WAYNES_BORO',. FRANKLIN,OIINti, PE! ISILYANA., Filint . gogNiNG,WPitjti, ,i50.0.--:-:
_.-a---.-: POD.
TEARS AGO.
-_ i 3Y_ PMORIUS
— NeTY tenely'riverr
Where the witeplilliee grow,
Breathed-the-fairest-flowere-that-ever
' Bloomed and faded years ago. _
How we met and loved anti parted; -
--None-on earth-can-ever-know—
Nor how-pure and gentle-hearted
Beamed-the mourned-one, years ago !
Like the stream with !lilies laden.
Will life's future current flow,
'Till in heaven I meet the maiden
—....ndly,eherisheil ycars—ag..
Hearts that love like mine forget not,
They're the same in• weal or woo ;
And that star of memory sets not
In the grain of years ago.
GENTLENESS,
WY MRS. HEMANS.
If thou best crusled a flower,
The root mny not be blighted:
If thou haat quenched a lamp,
Once more it may be lighted,
But on thy -harp or on thy lute,
The string which thou hart broken,
Shall never in sweet sounds again
Give to thy touch a token.
The heart is like a caip.
If thou waste the love it bear thee,
And like a jewel gone,
Which fhb tkep will not restore thee;
And like that string of harp or lute
Whence the sweet sound is scattered—.
Gently, oh, gently touch the chords
So soon forever shattered !
Nita CIM.T-NLIA:247" - sr .
UNNACCOUNTABLE.
BY ELLA. WHEELER
Walter king locked the door of his law
office, and turned his steps homeward, in a
very pleasant frame of mind.
Business had been very brisk of late with
the young lawyer, and he could see his way
clear to fortune, and fame, and—matrimony.
He had only been waiting an increase of, his
income, to ask Leah Turner if she would—be
his wife. And if there was any dependence
to be placed in a woman's voice and glance,
then he would not receive 'No' for an en.
swer. In two weeks more his affairs would
all be settled, and be would take a vacation,
and go down to S—, where Miss Torn.
er resided. So he dreamed and plenned,lill
he found himself at his own door.
In the hall he met his ten year-old sister
Jennie, who barred his progress with two
tiny arms. 'Guess who's here,' she said.—
'Not another step till you guess.'
So Walter went through the whole cata
logue of ftiends and acquaintance, and at
last gave up in despair.
'Why, you old humbug! have you forgot
ten all about me?' cried a cheery little voice,
and another ten-year•old maiden danced up
to his side, with a pout of offended dignity
on her rosy lips.
'Why, Fannie Turner, is it you ?' . And
Walter lifted the little woman from the floor
and kissed both cheeks. (I am inclined to
think one was for the sister.)
-- 'Yes, it's me; and I've come to - stay
week,' was the emphatic response.. 'And
now do come to supper, for we are all dread
ful hungry.'
That evening. as Walter King was writing
in his account-book, Jennie reached for a
book near by, and chanced to jar his arm.
'You nuisance ?' he cried savagely ; 'see•
what a blot you have left on my book
'Does he often do that?' whispered Fan
nie, as her companion came back to her side.
'Do what?'
'Speak so load and cross'
'Oh !' said Miss Jennie, soothicgly, 'that
was nothing. You mus'nt mind such things;
that's the way men always speak to their sis
ters when they are bothered ; but you haven't
any brothers, and so don't know about it.'
The next morning Fannie woke hearing
loud noises. just outside her window. She
sprang from her bed and peeped through the
blinds. She saw Walter just in the act of
tossing a young lad in the air, as he would
a ball, and cuffing his ears when he returned
to earth.
'Oh, Jennie !' she cried in terror, 'do come
and see what i$ the matter.' .
'Why, you poor nervous goose !' answered
Miss Jennie when she had viewed the scene;
'it is only Walter punishing his office-boy.
He is such a lazy creature, Walter has to
punish him every few days, to get anything
done.'.. And then Jennie dismissed the•sub
ject from her mind, and began to chatter of
something else. But Fannie was wondering
vaguely it all men were so cruel in their an
ger.
At breakfast, Walter set down his coffee,
after one sip, with a wry face.
'Did you make this coffee, mother Y'•
Mrs. King answered in the affirmative.
'Well, all I have to say is, that I thought
you•had had practice enough to make some
thing superior to this slosh! I. can't drink
it.'
No one answered ; but Fannie who thought
the coffee was excellent, was thanking Prov
idence that she had no brother, if brothers
were all like this one•
Half an hour later, as Walter was prepar-
.A.tx Xlsclarroxietemi.t riataxLill3r IVe•w9rartrocaor.
log for 'doivii town,' 's btitfere . ivan foutid'milm
-ing-frntn- his- overeostr-- i• - ,
'Death and destruction l'- he ejaculated;
'why, in the name. of all slatterns, Ida, have,
you neglected my coat? A hutton-missing,
and I have not a minute to lose. Confoinna
it, and you, too
Ills eldest sister name from an adjoining
MOM.
'But, Waiter, I did not know the button
was gone,.'_ she.
'Of course, not; - answered - the - mumilitte
angd. 'You never do. If you had oared,
you would have seen to it. My things are
always,neglected:
All this did not escape Miss Fannie's
sharp ears, and she came to - the conclusion
that Mr. Walter was a very cross man, and
not_ one bit as she thought him when she
had only ,t-hotne.
Ia d only seen bim a.
That evening Jennie coaxed her brother
to take tbem out driving. So the carriage
was brought to the door, and the girls seat
ed. But the horses were young and fiery,
and at the flutter of the dresses and ribbons
they-plunged , t- and--rea - re 1- --f . Walter
King's strong hand held the reins, and draw
ing his heavy boot, he struck the poor crea
tures' sides till they quivered in pain. All
women and children have a soft spot in their
hearts for home, and this cruelty seemed so
-u-nmerite., • : • : I.
At the end of the week she went home.
One week after, Walter King went down to
But Leah Turner declined his
offer with thanks -and the re'eeted lover to
Ibis day, declares that it is 'unaccountable'
—forgetting that 'little pitchers have large
The Spirit of Discontent:
How universal it is ! We never yet knew
the man who would say 'I am coutented.'—
Go where you will among the rich or the
poor, the man.of competence or the man who
earns his bread by the -sweat of hie brow,
you hear the sound of muttering and the
voce of complaint. The other day we stood
by a cooper who was playing a merry tune
id' his adze around a cask.
'Ah l' said he, 'mine is a hard lot forever
trotting round like a dog, driving a hoop.'
!' sighed a blacksmith on one of
the late hot days, as he wiped the perspira
tion from his brow, while the red hot iron
glowed on his anvil—''this is life with a ven
geance, melting and frying one's self over a
fire
'Oh, that I were a carpenter 1' ejaculated
a shoemaker as he bent over his lapatone.—
'Here I am, day after day, wearing my soul
away making solos for others, cooped up in
this little seven by-nine room—ho hum I'
'l'm sick of this out-door work I exclaimed
the carpenter, 'broiling under a sweltering
sun, or exposed to the inclemency of the
weather— I wish I was a tailor I'
'This is too bad I' perpetntilly cuies the
tailor, 'to be compelled to sit perched up here
plying the needle all the time—would that
mine were a more active life 1'
'Last day of grace—banks won't discount
—customers won't pay; whet shall I do?'
gruml les the merchant 'I had rather be a
truck horse—a dog or any thing else!'
'Happy fellows!' gioans the lawyer, as be
scratches his head over same dry, musty rec
ord, 'happy fellows! I had rather hammer
stone than puzzle my head on this tedious,
'vexatious question.'
And through all the ramifications of soci
ety all aro complaining at their condition,
finding fault with their particular calling.—
'lf it were only this or that or the other, I
should be content,' is the universal cry—
'anything but what I am' So wags the
would, so has it wagged and so will it wag.
DEAL AT nOME.—If we combine togeth
er locally, pull together locally, plan togeth
er_locally, and that continually, we shall sure
ly grow rich and great together and rapidly.
Patronize Home institutions—don't send a
way for anything that can be manufactured
here. Encourage• home enterprise—don't
ask men to deal with you and not deal with
them. Lend all ,yourinfluence, give all your
patronage to
,our own niechanics—don't sell
them their groceries and calicoes and then
send off for ready made houses, eastern bug
gies, New York boots, Ohio plows, and oth
er imported and so fortbs. Be liberal with
those who are making you rich, and don't be
so mean that you only buy of them a small
quantity of this or that which will last till
you can order by the quantity from abroad.
VAIN MAN.—Whilst thou art building
castles, the carpenter is building thy coffin.
While deceitful illusions are gilding thy fu
ture prospects, the painter is leisurely put.
ting the varnish upon the casket that is be•
in fitted for thy reception. While thou 'art
striving hard to distinguish thyself among
thy fellows, the marble worker is fitting the
slab that shall mark thy grave. While you
are querrying as to the wherewithal you shall
'be clothed in, the materials for your burial
suit are upon the tradesman's shelf, You
add field to field, and asiously reach out for
more ; but go to the graveyard and stake out
the lot to which death will soon assign you.
'Then whose shall those things be which
thou bast provided ?'
A - HEALTHY Buo.-013 Banks said :
Some yews ago, I took a bed - Dug
foundry, and dropped it into a ladle where
the melting iron was, and had it run into a
skillet ; Well, my old woman used that skil
let pretty constant for the last six years, and
hero the other day it broke all to smas.h,and
what do you think, gentleman, that ere in . -
sect just walked out of his hole where he had
been lapin' like a frog in a rock, and made
tracks for his old roost up stairs I But, (ad
ded lie by way of parenthesis) by George,
gentlemen, he looked mighty pale!
Let reason go before every enterprise, and
counsel before every action.
A Lowe Affair
7,`h - i3 Iciinsas City Journal tells the follow
.
ing :
The following story 'asit war told' -to us,
happened near Lake City, Ind., where there
lived at the breaking out of the war a
wealthy farmer whom we will ()all Blank.—
This man kept a number of sorvalts; among
them was a good and religious young girl,
possessing unusual attractions. She was
coarted - by an officer - -of some -rank - in • the
Federal army, while at home recruiting for
his regiment. When the day of his depart.
tire came, he made known to the servant girl
how deeply she had interested him, and
begged to know if there was any hope. She
confessed that his attachinspt was fellifittl•
cated, and they were at onoo affianced. .
`Should Mr._Blank,!Liai..ll,Tennie r _Jcome_'
to know of this I shall at once be discharged.
Re believes it was his daughter for whom
your visits were ran ed.
'Should this . be so,' returned the food
lover, (only write and let me know, and you
shall not suffer:
'it an a I es:gimlet° kiss and proMise that
both would be punctual in their letter writing,
they separated, ho to join his regiment a•
mong the boys on the Potomac.
He waited long and anxiously, for tidings
of his loved one, but not one word was re
ceived t his tr bled )d. Final!,
Al ORM ;row mink ly
his own lettere were returned. What could
it all mean ? Was Jennie false ?—IIe could
not believe it.
After the soldier's departure, Mr. Blank
took Jenoie-into a Teem, fastened the door,
and, with rawhide in hand, commanded her
to tell him if she was betrothed to Col —.
NVhen she told him all, he had her blind
folded, taken to the great city of Chicago,
and there loft without friends or money.
lie reported that she had died of cholera,
and to make the deception complete, built a
false grave.
When the war was over, and Col
returned home, he made his way at once to
the_oltLgraveyard,and—sought—out—that—of
his ipst Jennie. After bathing the little
mound with his tears, he made his way to
eh ous_e_o f Mr. nk_to_lears_the_pazticu
lars. While he was there' the guilty man
ordered the tombstones for the false grave,
with some evergreens and flowers.
Col. = had been a mourner three years
before the war closed, until December,
1858,
when business called him to Chicago There,
in a street car, with a bundle of soiled
clothes which-she - was—taking home—to—be
washed, he found his buried Jennie. Ile
flew across the car, taking her in his arms
and almost screaming with joy. Ho had
found her at last.
Can Consumption be Cured ?
This roads very much like the heading of
'a patent medicine advertisement, but it is
nothing of the sort. We write it for the
purpose of quoting the following valuable di
rections at the close of Dr. Bowditch's two
papers on consumption in America, in the
last two numbers of the Atlantic Monthly :
1. Never allow any one to sleep in the
same bed with a consumptive
2. If possible, let the attendant or friend
sleep in an adjacent room, within easy call,
rather than in the same room.
3 Never let one sister (i. e. one of the
same beraditary tendencies) sleep with an.
other who is tuburealous.
4 Always have a paid nurse to attend to
the mere drudgery of the sink room.
5. As this will often be impossible, let the
attendant be sure to go out not less than
twice daily, and fill her lungs with pure air,
or at least with air different from that of the
sick room.
We cOnclutle, as we began, in hope; and
for a final statement lay down the following
as our medical faith on this important ques
tion. When all men and women live in prop
erly placed and tightly constructed homes,
and at all times attend carefully to the hy
gienic laws of mind and body , in themselves
and their offßpring, then will consumption,
like many kindred evils, be wholly eradi
cated, or.made comparatively harmless in its
influence on the human race. •
GETTING THE WORST OP IT.--TO you
want to buy any berries to-day 1' said a little
boy to me one afternoon.
I looked at the little fellow, and saw that
he was poorly dressed. In his hand ho held
a basket full of ripe rasberries.
I told bim I should like some, and inking
the basket from him, stepped into the house.
Ile did not f4.110w me.
'Why don't you come in, and see if I meas•
ure your berries right ?' said I. 'flow do
you know but what I may cheat you and
take more than I agreed for ?'
The boy looked up at me and smiled.
'I am not afraid, , said he, 'for you would
get the worst of it, ma'am.'
'Got the worst of it I said. 'What de
you mean ?'
'Why, ma'am, I should only lose my her.
rigs, but you would be stealing. Don't you
think that would be the worst for you r
Let us think of this when we are tempted
in any way to cheat another. How often do
we bear persons pity any one who has had
his property stolen from him. Yet, though
a man lose all, and keep honest, ho is rich
indeed, compared with the man who has
robbed him.
A well dressed fellow w • alked into a room
here they were talking polities and stretch
-I.g himself up to his full height, exclaimed
in a loud voice: 'Whore is a Democrat, gen
tleman. and I'll show you a liar !' In an in
stant a man exclaimed : 'I am a Democrat,
sir: 'You are l'"Yes, sir, I atn."Well,
just you step around the corner, and I'll
show you a fellow who sail I could'nt find a
Democrat in the ward. Ain't he a liar, I
should like to know?'
When is coffee real estate Y When it is
round. •
Adventure of Dr, Nary-Walker.
' , Jingle,' of•the •New York Sunday New's,
tells this,story, which bas the air of
_probe-
bility - :
• While with the ` Army 'of 'the' Potoman, in
the summer of - 1863; Dr. Wallierviiiited the
headquarters of Colonel, afterwards General,
Sam Carrel, of the , Secretary Army Corps.
Tailing in all'Wer effortii to obtain
_a regular
commission as surgeon in the array, and hiv
ing only-pnitniiision'tn remain With the troops
in the•capacity of a nurse, the `Doctor' was
obliged to accept the hospitality of the offi
cers. OD the occasion referred to, she pim
p shited - to GiTt:fel aiotention of tar.
ryiog , at:his headquarters for a few,days, for
the laudable purpose of looking after the
sick, Of course the (linersl consented, and,
being-as-gallant-as-be-is-brave,-offered-her
the sole use his tent, which she accepted.—
So far so good.
111 - iri INF - morning afFer - lwr - arri - val, a
field officer of the Seventh West Virginia
Regiment, of •Carroll's Brigade—a bluff s hop ,
, brave, devil-in. ynare old bask-woo.:
took a walk over to brigade headquitters,
and noticing that the flies of Carroll's tent
were still tied, thought it somewhat strange
that his commanding officer, generally an
early riser, should remain iu bed at so late
an hour. 'I have it l' said he, thinkin
moment—nod approaching the tent, be quiet.
ly untied the canvass doors, winking at the
same time , at several staff officers who were
near by, endeavoring to control their risibil
itiee. The face of the sleeper was hidden by
the bed covering, and 'the officer quietly lift.
ing the clothes at the foot of the couch, and
encircling two warm ankles with his brawny
paws, while he watched .the head of the bed
intently to see if the sleeper awoke, shouted
at the top of his: voice, as he dragged the
body completely out of the bed on tlic floor,
'Carroll, you lazy ruse, get up bore I It's
eight o'—.' The rest of the sentence was
lost in a piercing scream, such as only a fe.
male in distress can furnish at short notice,
and-the -jol lrold - ofrmer; - a ba shed • a nd-dutab
founded, bounded from the tent, like a stag
struck by a four ounce bUllet. The joke was
was that ,every soldier in the Second Corps
soon knoW.the story about Colonel —, of
the Seventh . Virginia pulling Dr: •Mtity
Walker out of bed.
THE FARMER'S WIFE —ls there any podi
tion a mother can covet for her daughter
-moro-glorions-than to be the wife of-an-hon
est, independent, happy farmer,
in a country
like this F To be the wife of ono whose
farnl is noted far and near as a model of neat
ness and• perfection of cultivation ? To be
mistress of a mansion of her own—a sweet
and lovely home? To be the angel that
flits through the garden, bidding the flowers
to bloom, and twining roses and honey•suck•
les around the bedroom window, or sweeten•
in_ their fragrance with her sweetest smile;
or spreading the snowy ototh beneath the
old oak at the door to welcome her husband
as he returns from his toil, or even, tipping
the cradle with her foot as bhe plies the
dasher with her band; or busily moveit the
needle, at the same time bumming a• joyous
song of praise that she is the beloved wife
of an American farmer—one of the true no
ble moo of this free country—one that should
by right rank as the pride and glory of
America!
MENTAL ACTIVITY.—If the water run
neth, it holdeth clear, sweet, and fresh ; but
stagnation turneth it into a noisome puddle.
It the air be fanned by the winds, it is pure
and wholesome; but from being
shut up, it
groweth thick and putrid. If metals be
employed, they abide smooth and splendid;
but lay them up, and they soon contract rust.
If the earth is labored with culture, it yield
eth earn; but lying neglected, it will be
overgrown with bushes and thistles, and the
better the soil is, the ranker weeds it will
produce. All nature is upheld in its being,
order and shape by constant agitation; every
creature is incessantly employed in action
conformable to its designed • use. In like
manner, the preservation and' improvement
of the faculties 'depend on their constant ex
ercise; to it God has:annexed the best and
most desirahle reward—success to our un
dertakings,'wealth, bontir, wisdom, virtue,
salvation.—Barrow. •
An amusing scone was recently witnessed
at one of our fashionable skating ponds. On
a beautiful moonlight night, when the ice
wan unusually crowded, the principal attrac-
tion was a handsome young lady, charmingly
dressed, with short skirts. She was a very
graceful skater, and in her evolutions die•
played a pair of beautifully formed ankles,
so symmetrical that they seemed to charm
the eyes of the young men, although they
aroused thd envy of her own sez. But beau
ty's reign in this case was short; she fell up
on the ieo, an? had the misfortune to rip her
stocking with her skate. Not being aware
of the mishap, she suddenly rose, and con•
tioucd to glide over the ice as before; but
now the admiration for her was turned to
laughter, for a trail of sawdust followed her,
oozing from the ill fated stocking. ft is
needless to add she sh3rtly lett the ice.
HOME CIIEERFULNEBB.—Many achild goes
estray, not because there is a want of pray.
er or virtue at borne, but simply because
borne lacks sunshine. A child needs•stniles
as much as flowers need sunbeams. Children
look little beyond the present tuotneut. If
a thing displeases, they•are prone' to avoid
it. If home is the place where faces .tied
words are harsh, and fault-finding is ever in
the ascendant, they will spend as many hours
as possible elsewhere Let every father and
mother, then, try to be 'happy. Let them
look happy. Let them talk to their children,
especially to the little ones, in such a way as
to make them happy.
Generally observed—Tilting skirts, water.
falls and other people's business.
100.00.1:Nbri IliZewtze
*A:ir - She }radlm
A gentle4n, pleasantly situated; married,
:nod blessed with two - .beautiful daughters,
the pride if' the neighborhood and their
pnrents' j.v, would seem to have all that was
needed to make life cheerful; but strange as
it may appear, he took his chief
_pleasure in
propounding 'to the wife of his bosom hard
conundrums, which •'slie, •unable to
. guess,
would give up, saying, '1 tian't - guiii—what
is it and he in - Voris - I.IY answered, ''that's a
nut for you to crook;' while she, poor wo
man, kept quist,lbaving no way• of redress,
and thinking ihat me_she_might —pay--
the debt with interest.
Titus nnatteks remained unlit the patient
wife was•laid lowan her•sielc bed; - and' her
disso'ution was fast approaching, - She asked
-in-a-feeble-voice ler her iftr•band, to whom,
ou his coming to her bedside, abe said, Josh•
ua, we have two. beautiful and Affectionate
'
L ug s s:11
'Yes,' Paid the 'thicken husband and fa
ther, 'yes they are indeed beautiful and af-
'Well, Joshua, [ can't leave the world
without to:ling you something that has long
been weighing upon my mind, and may per
haps surprise , you. 'You are the father 'of
only one of those children.' - • . •
a I 'What !' exclaimed tbo a gt,-
band ; !Great Grad ! which is my daughter ?'
she turned to him with a look of, triumph,
as she said : 'That's a out for you to crack.'
And before he could ray to ask more, the
spirit of his partner was wafted away, leaving
him with the hardest'nur of all to crack by
himself.
TIIE YANKEES AND TE I E REAL—Two
Yankees strolling in the wooilq, without any
arms in their possession, observed a bear
climbing a tree, with its paws clasped around
the trunk. One of them ran forward, and
caught the bear's paws, one in each hand.
Ile then called out to his comrade, 4 .Jonathar.,
run home, and bring me something to kilt
thEcvarnuitit rand Juind you don't - ntay, or I'm
in a fix.'
Jonathan ran off, biit staid a long =limn.
During the interval,the-bear—made—several
deiperate attempts to bite the hand of Aim
who held it. At length Jonathan 'came
back. -
(Dull°, what kept you so long ?'
.'Well, I.'o tell you. When I got hon - tc
'breakfast wcs ready, so I Staid to eat it.'
'Well' said his comrade, 'come now, and
-hold-the-critter till I kill —it:'
Jonathan seized the bear's paws, and held
the animal.
'Well, have you hold of him ?'
gtwes I have.'
'Very well, then, hold fast ; I'm off for
A Spring wagon has been invented by a
*gentleman in Maysville, Kentneky,'whiCt he
proposes to run without any kind of animal
or steam power. He has already perfected
a small model, which runs up or down hiil
very rapidly. The power is received from
an immense coiled steel spring, which will
run for half an hour without being wound
up. In going up hill the offing exhausts
itself, but in going down hill winds itself up.
The inventor claims that he can carry very
heavy loads over any ordinary road.
In a Roston eating-house, recently, a man
discovered a cockroach in his pudding. Ho
turned the insect over and over, examined it
closely, and finally said to a person who was
sitting near him ; .That ain't right. I
don't like it, and if I find another I wou't
eat the pudding.
A couple of drummtrs besieged an old
lady in Canton, Illinois to buy a patent
churn from them. She said it was a hum
bug, and they offered to make butter come
in ten minutes. So khe filled the machine
with buttermilk, and they tugged at the
crank for two hours before they discovered
the unctious practical joke.
A good story is told of a German shoe
maker, who, having made a pair of boots for
a gentleman, of whose financial intenity,.be
had considerable doubt, made the following
reply to him when, he called for articles :
'Dor poots ish not quite done, but der beol
iyh made ow.
( Come till America, Pat!' writes a son of
the Emerald Isle, to his friend in Ireland.—
'Tie a fine counthry to get a living in. All
you have tb do is to get a three-cornered box
and fill it wid brick and carry it to the top
of a four story building, and the man at the
top does all the work I'
A Chicago Woman's Rights organ states
that the woolen's movement means, among
other things, her sovreignty in tho parental
realm, and her first right to woo instead of
waiting to be wooed.
The sun may shine, the rain and dew may
fall, but that large, crooked tree will Dever
be straight. So it is, with bad habits, when
once fixed— they are bard things to root out.
It is a curious fact that, though the rain
keep thousands away from ohurch on Sun-,
day, it does not deter a single man from at.
tending to his business on week days.
A North Carolina Judge has charged a
graud jury that a lawful fence should be
'horse.htgli, bull.streog and pig-tight.'
The old maid who scrubbed her floor so
nicely that she - fell through into the cellar
is in a fair way of getting up again.
A backward spring is produced by pre
senting a red-hot poker to a manta nose.
A entemporary boasts of 'a subscriber of
forty years' standing ' it is time begat down.
Bebiod time—The back of a 'clock.
NUMBER 89
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