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VOLUME XIX • - ... -- . . , .. . ~... r oc•zrzsicsA.±„. - . of surprise; "V cent; in feat, e -- .. . , • ' "Let me to' -.--. . . -. son, in the i,... 7-... , v.' 7...;".777--..7.-4,%'-... -m a y, 'Last . . •-, In.:Nir - ',..•_':. ~.-e.--i .-,-,-.,,i , . , <-: .1 -.. ... . you ?".. ~ "Let's THE STINNYSIDE. --- ter,-- -11 1 : 0Y er _ sunny side, them r fixed leckered oe, • Now ii ale depart, 1,4 ' qtly; ' 4 • fancied file, es' 0. hing, 1 wear. Always look on the sunny side, And though you do not find All things according to your wish, Be not disturbed in mind; - _ The greatest evils that ean•come Are lighter far to bear, -i - Whera mat by fortitude and strength, Instead ok' doubt and fear. ALWAYS LOOK ON THE StINNY4IDE; Always look on the sunny side, And though life checkered oe, • A lightsome heart hidi care depart, Arid time flysfpleasantly; Why sit and mourn o'er fancied Me, When danger is not near?, Care is a self:consuming thing, That hardest nerves can wear. A'ways loolt`on the sunny side— There's health in tnirmles jest, And much to soothe our worldly cares In hoping for the best. The gloomy path is far too dark F o r happy foot to tread, And tells of pain and solitude, Of friends estranged and dead. Always look on the sunny side, And never yield to doubt; The ways of Providence are wise, And faith will bear you out. If you but make this maxim yours, And in its strength abide, Believing all is for the best— Look on the sunny side. SCHOOL GIRLS. Merrily boutids the morning hark Along the summer sea, Merrily mounts the morning lark The topmost twig on tree. Merrily smiles the morning rose The morning sun to see; • And merrily, merrily greets the rose The honey sucking bee; But intwier, merrier !sr than these Who bring on wings the morning breeze, A music sweeter than her own, A happy group of loves and graces, Graceful forms and lovely faces, MI in gay delight outilown: Out . flown from their school room cages, School room rules, and school room pages Lovely in their teens and tresses, Summer smiles, arut surnrner dresses, Joyous in their dance' in d song, With sweet sisterly caresses, Arm in arm they speed along. ~,=~pF~LLANY. JOHNSON AND JONES William Johnson and Edwin Jones were both of them farmers, and they were also near neighbors Their farms were beauti fully situated; the soil naturally ,productive. So far there was not a particle of difference between the two places. Yet there were a different aspect, Johnson's buildings look ed nice and tidy. His barn and outbuild ings were snug and comfortable, his orchard looked thrifty, and the trees were carefully dressed. Now, Mr Jones had no more of a family to support than his neighbOr, yet the aspect of his house and farm were very dif, ferent, Old rubbish was kiek:ng around is the yard. that should have been in less un sightly places; his house looked weather beaten and neglected; rags woro'seen in spots where paves of glass wore expected to be found ; there were large cracks in the barn, through which the winds of heaven had a free course. His apple trees were die. figured by old bark and dead limbs; and in short everything seemed to -ware -a look -of' dilapidation and neglect. Edwin Jones was a hard-workman, and he often caught him self wondering how itwas that his neighbor Johnson' kept along so smoothly and quiet, and yet be had everything in perfect order. One. rainy day in the Fall, after harvest ing was over, Johnson was at work in his tool chamber alien his neighbor Jones en tered. "Johnson" said the latter, after he had watched his neighbor's place a few moments, "how much did that old sled of yours cost; I bare got to have one this winter." "Oh, that cost me nothing; I made that myself, I got out the timber last winter, so that matter's disposed of; and I feel proud of it too. It's my first attempt." "Well, neighbor Johnson, I don%see.how in the world you get along -so. Your farin don't produce any more than mine does, and I don't believe you work as hard as I do.— Your wire don't mako any bettor butter than mine; your sheep don't grow any bet ter wool. But you raise more fruit to be sure." "I have not so many acres as you." • "No; but the fruit is of better quality,and finds a ready market." "Yea, because I have taken pains to ob tain the best grafts. Alp trees were the same as yours when we Started. l%ly cows give more milk than yours do in the winter, for they have a warmer barn. I 'raise more pork than you do, because mypens are tight and comfortable,nnd so on." "And I suppose you ere „ laying up mon ey ?" muttered .Jones with a crest fallen look, "Certainly I am—about $500 . a year T" '"So much l" exclaimed Jones with a louk WAYASBORO', 'FRANKLIN' COMM PENNSYLVANIA,. FRIDAY MORNING; MARCH 80,1816 of surprise; "shy, 1. can't lay up a single cent; in fact, am running . behind.' "Let me toll you the secret," said John-, son, in the kindest and moat neighborly waY : 'Last summer I salt you buy two you ?". "Let's see—two dollars and a half." 11, any forlchandle got broke last win ter, so did some of my rakes. •1-r-brought them right up here, arid. when at leisure just fixed them up. There was so much. saved. Now you have nothing at all to do to.day." "No, indeed lit rains too bard," ''But I am at work making my apple box es;how are you going to get yours ?' "Granison makes them for me, and I am to give him a barrel of apples." "Which is as good as two dollars. Now if you hire as good a sled as mine made, it will cost at least twelve dollars. Yon see how these little things count up." "And all this comes•of your having tools to work with," returned Jones, whose eyes were beginning to open. "Yes neighbor." "Welt; if I bad tools I could save a good many sums in the course of a year, but I never have the money to spare for them Why these 'ere tools o' yourn must cost mor'n fifty dollars " "Just about that." "Then I'm mighty afraid I shall have to scrape along with borrowed tools. I shall never have that sum to spare. "You don't understand. Let me explain the secret. I should never have gone with a fifty dollar bill and bought these things.— I have procured one at a time with my grog and tobacco money:" "Grog and tobacco money !" repeated Jones with a look of blank surprise. "Yes," said Johnson with a smile, now I am going to give you a lecture. lam going to give you the benefit of my experience.— The first year I began on the farm, I used to have spirits by me. and every now and then take a drink, to keep up my strength I 'said to myself: In.the long warm days, in haying and harvesting, the bottle used to be patronized liberally. But I finally began to see that it was growing hard for me to re sist and so, after deliberating on the subject, 1 came to the conclusion that rum and to:- bacco did me no good, and might do much evil, and I would leave them off—so I did. So I commence laying up the money they cost me. I saw how much might be saved if I could do the work myself I had been o bliged to pay for, so I began buying such tools as I thought would , come handy. At the'end of the first year I found that I had quite a collection, and it had come from mon ey I might otherwise have drank and smok ed up, and I feel healthier and happier than the year before I knew I had laid the foundation fur future good. Time passed on —my grog and tobacco money kept coming in. It was now a hammer, then a saw, then an augur, and another plane, a bit stock, &e.,till I have now , an excellent stock of toos, and they are not only a source of great profit, but of solid comfort into the bargain. I believe, friend Jones, in giving up my grog and tobacco I have been a great gainer.— Now, do you not think you could do as well without - it ?" "Johnson," said Jones at length, after a protracted silence, "I wish you had told me of that long ago" "I was afraid it might offend you—it is a delicate matter at best." "I knew it, but Edwin. Jones is not the man to be offended with a-neighbor for friendly advice." "Well," said Johnson, with an extreme look of gratification, "it's never too kite to mend, and if you get into a pinch, where fif ty or a hundred dollars will be of use to you come to me," . Mr Jones thanked his friend with a sus picious moisture shining in his eyes, and shortly after, took leave The very next time he went to town, instead of refilling his brown jug and empty box, he brought home a new augur, and a proud man was he, at work with his own tools. Time passed away, and he soon found him self the owner of quite's little stock of im plements. This thing operated many ways for good. __Now that had the ability to fix up his buildings without borrowing tooli, he began to take a pride in doing it. He re-set his windows, roofed his bee house, built new pig-pens, tightened his barn, and in rainy weather was never without pleasant and profitable employment.. His cows did not break through the barn floor now, and they gave as much milk, his bees make as much honey, his trees yield as good apples as his neighbor Johnson's do, and all this is because he stopped his grog and• tobacco ex penditures, bought his tools, and left off de pending upon his neighbors; and so he is a happy, thriving and contented farmer. It is never too late to do right, as, for in stance, a gentleman began to study graMmar after he had written for the press ten years. It is never too late to get married; Naomi, the daughter of Enoch, took her first hus band at five hundred and eighty. It is never too late to drop any habit; James, the novel ist, wrote sixty-nine volumes before he could shake off his "solitary horseman " It is nev er too late to be a "wide awake" character; an old gentleman who has ceased to read the Daily Evening Blunderbuss, has entirely re covered from the sleepiness that used to af flict him. It is sometimes too late to "pop the question;' a man once did - so to a 'charm ing vidder," juntas she had reached her house. after burying her first husband ; "You are too late," was the reply, "the deacon spoke to me at the grave I" The Salt Lake , reddte has the following': .- 4 There is an old day laborer down town that has thirty children crying for bread, and his two Welett wivea well nigh emaciated. It's lucky for him there's no tax on chil dren. Modeiation That moderation iu all things is a , Chris tian .virtue and much . to be praised, wo ad ; mit; but eilate days r enr eyes and ears have become so perfectlY diked With'it, applied in • : ' ": the word 'stricken from our vocabulary.-- Every Copperhead Congressman talks of the beauties of charity and .moderation, Sowards "our misguided brethern of the South ;" ev ery etninp speech essayed by gentlemen of the like ilk• anywhere, counsels modeiation as regards traitors who were lately in arms against our government; . Copperhead news papers take up 'the theme, and,council mod: erate measures towards those who have en deavored, through four long -years-of_war_ and bloodshed, to overthrow our grand Tem ple of Liberty, and to make our boasted prin ciples of self government a mockery and re proach. The sum and substance of all this is that these gentlemen would have us fbr get all that these "misguided men", have done; would have ua hug traitors to our bo som, and elevate them again as our rulers.— We cannot agree to any such proposition.— We cannot forget the past, nor blot out from our remembrance the fact th at while these men occupied the high pl aces of trust under our Government they deliberately plotted its overthrow, and when the contests came, how they gave all their influence to drag State after State from its moorings in the Union, and to whirl it into the cesspool of secession and rebellion, and in a position antagonistic to the government. It seems to us that moderation towards such is out of place.— We would see treason punished—not pet ted. Every day we hear of Southern gentlemen„ headed perhaps, by •a' late General in the Confederate army, forcing their way into the reception room of the President, and profes sing great love for the old Union and invok ing him to deal mildly with their section.— Oh yes good Union men are they. To hear them• talk now one would scarcely believe that but a few months ago, these very men were among the most bitter enemies of the country—that they were the men who led armies agains us. Shall they be forgiven for all their crimes in the past ? Let the wid ows and orphans of onr land answer—let the maimed and wounded heroes, (a nation's pride and heritage) answer—let the loyal dead that sleep on every battle-field; from Gettysburg to Texas, answer. We' know that some professedly loyal man may be found' preaching this moderation doctrine, but from such unionism excuse us. If ever the A merican Union is in reality destroyed, it will bo by its false friends, not by its enemies.— We rejoice of course at every disposition on the part of those lately in rebellion, to renew their allegiance where it is properly due, but at the same time we would see "Treason made odious," in order to deter all future gen orations from attempting the overthrow of our Government. We believe in a just U nion, but it should also be a strong one. A True Man He is above a mean thing. He cannot stoop to a mean fraud. He evades no se crete in the keeping of another. He betrays no secrets confined to his keeping. lie never struts in borrowed plumage. He never takes selfish advantage of our mistakes. He never stabs in the dark. He is ashamed of inuendoes. He is not one thing to a man's face and another behind his back. If by accident he comes in possession of his neighbor's counsels he passes upon them an act of instant oblivion. He bears sealed packages without tampering with the wax. Papers not meant for his eye, whether they flutter at the window or lie open before him in ungarded exposure, are sacred to him. He encroaches on no privacy of others, how ever the sentry sleeps• Bolts and bars,locka and keys, hedges and thickets, bonds and securities, notice to trespassers, are none of them for him. He may be trusted himself out of sight—near the thinnest partition— anywhere. He buys no office, he sells none; he intrigues for none. He would rather fail of his rights than win by dishonor. Be in sults no man. He tramples on no sensitive feeling. It' lie have rebuke for another, he is straightforward, open, manly. Whatev er he - judges - honorable he -practice's -toward every man. Dkttu To BE TRUE.—Dare to be right, dare co be true, you have a work that no oth er can do; do it so bravely so kindly, so well, angels will hasten the story to tell. Then dare to be right, than dare to be true, oth er men's failure can never save you; stand by your conscience, your honor, your faith, stand like a hero and battle till death. Dare to be right, dare to be true, love may deny you its sunshine and dew. let the dew fall, for showers shall be given; dew is from,earth, the showers are from heaven.---Dare to be right, dare to be true, God who created you cares for you too; treasures the tears that His striving ones shed, counts and protects every hair of your head. Dare to be right, dare to be true, cannot Omnipotence carry you through, city and mansion and thine all in right, can you not dare to be true and be right? Dare to be 'right, dare to - be true, keep the great judgement seat ever in view; look at your work as you'll look at It then, scanned by Jehovah, by angels and men.— Dare to be right, dire' to be true, prayerful ly, lovingly, firmly pursue the pathway by saint and by seraphim trod, the pathway that leads to the city of God Boys and girlq, what is it you can never catch, though you chase after it as on the wings of the wind ? You can never catch , a word that has once gone out of your lips. Once spoken, it" is out of your reach; do your best, you can nev er recall it. Therefore, take care what you say. Never speak auunkind word, a pro fane word or a slanderous word. It'you have a cough, don't go to church to disturb the rest of the congregation. CluiositieE, of Humanity Some author or other wrote hithself as, we have beard, on the atiirieSities of Lit erature;" but he certainly would have used up,two.or three paiis of eyes if he had set :If SericiuSE , it Work lookin:. out for the ennosfues of huminitY. We could have Mentioned a few to him—and here they are: The hnsband.that says to his wife on a Monday night; when , cook is in revolt, din ner is behind head, and ,'`stocks down," "My dear, you look tired—let me walk up ' and doWn with the baby while Yon rest!" The wife who expends as much pains up on her toilette on a rainy morning when there, is no one but "John at the breaktast=table, as she does on the evening when- her old aweethitills coming - to call! —_ . --- The husband who reads all,the Congres- Monal debates to his wife wittout meanly skipping every other paragraph,' and always keeps her posted in floating political. The wife who proVides herself with spools of cotton, thimbles, and sewing work before the teadieg begins, and don't haie to jump up once in five minutes to . "fetch something from the other room!" The man who is consistent, 'and goei out to chop kindlings for exercise, after havingi recommended bed-making a a a healthful method of expanding the chest! The woman who tells her husband just exactly how much money she spent in that shopping expedition yesterday! The man who is always delighted with the domestic puddings and pies, and don't ex pect a daily bill of fare like unto a French restaurant! The woman who don't look into all the en• velopes in her husband's vest pockets when she mends that garment! The wan who never saw a collar pattern that fits so much better than his ever did!. The woman who can't tell the color of her neighbor's new winter bonnet! • The husband who, especially during north east storms, and during the prevalence of do mestic toothaches, makes up his mind that it is Ugreat deal cheaper to be amiable than to scold ! The Israelites in Palestine• A Bavarian Jew, writing to the "Israelite Indeed," has a statement upon the process of the restoration of the Jews to Palestine, which is worthy of note. He says: • "The regathering of the Jews is now be ginning, to take place. Not only many sin gle families immigrate to Palestine, but there hive been formed a number of societies in almost every land on this continent, to pre pare an immigration on a large scale, provi ded with all possible means, money, imple ments and tools, of every kind, to commence the cultivation of the long desolated land, at once, and with the utmost vigor. There are men of considerable wealth among them, and not one without some means at least to de fray the expenses of the journey, and to pur chase a plot of ground. • I am happy to state that I am one of the leading members of a society forming here in Bavaria, which num bers already over nine hundred heads of fam ilies, besides a number of young people who would not form an alliance with the other sex, until settled in the Holy Land, upon the soil of their rightful heritage." He also adds "The Gentiles hereabouts—that is, in the petty German Protestant kingdoms and principalities—are even moreastir about Pal estine than the Jews." The improvements which are taking place in Judea are very great. For some distance around Jerusalem there are extensive plan tations of young olive trees, and in and a bout the city new, buildings are both numer ous and handsome. Every EurOpean nation seems anxious to have a footing in the Holy City. The Russians support the Greeks, the French the Latins, and the English (though not avowedly as a nation) patronize the Jews, whose interest will soon become the strongest of all. According to every indication, the emi• gration to the United States this year will be very_large. The troubles in Ireland will drive thousands to our shores, unless the "Irish Republic" should be established, an_ event which, notwithstanding teoian -maces to the contrary, is not likely _to _hap pen. Germany, according to recondispatch es transmitted to the State Department, is about to send a larger emigration than has reached this country for many years. The result of our 'war of rebellion, the re-eetab• lishrnent of the Authority of the nation, and the display of strength and resources which we 'have made, is having a very great effect upon the Old World, They settle beyond all hope of future dispute that the United States are to be continued in power stronger than ever before; that they will insure to the population happiness, prosperity, and ability to maintain the rights of manhood free from all oppression and with the employment of all those privileges which make life valuable The destiny of this country is to be the pro tection and the hope of mankind, and the dissemination of liberal principles, and the insurer of them to every one who becomes ono of our citizens. VALUE Or A SUMMER STortm.—A good summer storm is . a rain of riches. If gold and silver, rattled doWn from the clouds, it would not enrich the land so much as soft, long rains. Every drop is silver going to the mint. The roots are machinery, and catching the willing drops, they assay them, refine them, roll them, stamp them, and turn them out coined berries, apples, grains, and grasses. All the mountains of California are not so rich as are the soft mines of Heav en. A man out West says that be has moved so often during one• year that whenever a coveted wagon stopped at his gate, his chick ens would fall flat on their backs and hold np their feet, in order to be tied and thrown in. r nark y e, _, • 1 A• • •• you It 'is high time t,hat somebody, told a little plain truth. • You have been watched for along time; a certain .alairi,of you anti it plain enough you are laying Wino to,eheat ameba •.:,, You intend to .eell for wheat, au. 1. ern is : danger that some of the foolish .gudgeons will be sadlY liken. in; It Mayin.s be your, fault, that ~you pelong to the 'one. idea party!—;,tliat the single, idea, Of getting &husband is the only one engross= es much of your time or attention,,, But it is your fault: OW you . pursue this in the' wrong direction. ;Your venetable;mother, of t Eden memory, was called a 'help' for, *in, and you , are looking ; fora man to help. yOii to help you to live in the halt idle, half silly *ay which you have commenced. Meb who are -worth havingovant women, , 3 1 . by A bundle of .gew•gayrs with a string of fiats and quavers, sprinkled with cOlOgbe, Wait Set in a carmine saucer—this is no: help "for 'a' than who expects to raise a , fathily of bbys and girls on veritable bread and meat.. The piano and the lace frame are well nough in their plains and so are ciboria and frills and tinsels—but you can't make a din• ner of the former nor , a bed-blanket : of 'the latter. And awful as the idea may seem 'to you, both dinner and bed-hlanket are needs' nary to domestic enjoyment. Life has its re alities: as well as its fancies; but you make it a matter of decoration, remembering the tas sels and curtains, fOigetting the bedsteads: Suppose a young man of good sense and .of course of good prospects, to be looking for a wife, what chance have yon} to be chosen?-- You may cap him, or• trap him, but how much better to make it an object for him .to catch you! Render yourself worth catching and you will need no shrewd mother or managing brothers to help you find a market. SADNESS AND LITERATURE.—One anom aly of literary history is that it has often been the lot of those men who have contrib uted largely to the mirth or recreation of others, to endure a more than ordinary share of misery and want in their own lives. The most entertaining portions of literature have been written by men whose hearts have been bowed down by sorrow, and at moments when that sorrow has been the heaviest. It was in the gloom of a mother's death, deep.: ened by his own poverty, that Johnson pen ned the charming tale of "Rasselas;" it was in the chill desolation of a bare and fireless garret that poor Goldsmith, the beloved va grant of literature, 'sketched the brightest pictures of domestic happiness the world has ever had; it was from a sick bed, in sore die tress, and in a necessitous exile, that Tom Hood shook.all England with laughter. The enchantment of Scott, the satire of Jerrold, half the gems of English wit and humor, have been thrown out by genius in its most sorrowful moments.—[Dublin Magazine. TRUTFIB FROM PUNCEL—Every man should keep the wolf from his own door, and his mother-in-law too, if he can. Every woman has a right to be what age she pleases, for if she were to state her real age, no one would believe her. Every woman who makes pudding has a perfect right to believe that she can make better pudding than any other woman in the world. Every man who earves has a decided right to think of himself by putting a few choice bits aside. Every woman has a right to think her child the "prettiest little baby in the world," and it would be tho. greatest folly to deny her this right, for she would be sure to take it. Every young lady has a right to faint when she pleases, if her lover is by her side to catch her. Every child who makes a noise has a right to be turned out of_the room; and supposing you have not the 'right,. you are perfeotly justified, if parents are absent, in unsurping Tux WILL Or TER LATE DR. JAYME.--- The will of the late Dr. Jayne has just been filed in the office of the register of wills at Philadelphia. He leaves to, his near rela tions sums varying friim $lOO to $5OO per annum, — and beetheathes $15,000 for Ih e erection of a new Baptist Church in the western part of Philadelphia. The widow is to receive $3,000 per annum, under the terms of the marriage settlement, and in ad. dition, she is left the use of the house, at Nineteenth and -Chestnut streets. By ex press terms of the will, no intoxicating drinks to be kept in the new house. except for medical or culinary purpose's. The ful• lest directions are given concerning the resi due of the estate, real and personal. The executors are instructed to, set apart some $400,000 out of the income, as a fund to re build in case any of his property is destroy. ed by fire or other aeeident, and also as a fund to provide a suitable settlement for each of his children as shall hereafter marry. ,' The peach was originally a poionous al. mond. Its fleshy parts were used to poison arrows, and for this introduced into Persia. The transplantation and cultivation, howev er, not only removed its poisonous qualities, but produced the delicious fruit we now en -09. A Reporter of w ball sap: ' The name of one lovely lady in black' satin, with snowy opera cluak, we failed,to get. Bbo wail the most graceful dancer on the floor. 'A very pretty nun, sad, delicate, and five feet one— her face was oval and her eyes looked like the heaven io Italy." Why do the recriminations of married pee• ple .resemble the sound of waves on the shore? Because they are murmurs of the tied. Mr. Prentice thinks the itob for office ib quite as vulgar as any other itch. A. Cot9red bisoottrai. A correspondent! if 'Mu 'lCnickerhooker t trorialariefield, Owls' thd folkiTt. :hog Niscourse,", for the entire entfientioik*, df wfiich vouches,withoukieserve, having taken it; do 1 " II • I • •I : I arend orater%himself: • " "My tax; bredren and sisters, will be fowl in de fuss chapter of Benesis and de twenty ; seher4 werse; 'Aptl de Lor' he made Adam. 11. tole you how he make hini. He make filth ' sut ob'elny, un wen he git dry'he breethe iii him di breff ob life. Ile put him in de gar den ob Eden and he set him in 'do corner ob .de lot, an he tole him to eat all de apples Copan' dein-in de. middle ob -de orchard-- dem, he. want, for he winter apples • t'l3yme by Adam he'he loneaomp. Soda . make'Ebd. I. tole You ho* ' he ii3ske us her; he give Adani loddilum till be got sound sleep, den he gouge rib out ho side and make' Ehe; an' he tole her to eat all de apples cep 'tin dein in de middle ob do .orchard—detn he want for he winter apples.' “Wnn day ' , de Lor' he go a visitin'; de rdebbel.'he cum along, he dress hisself up ob tie, akin ohtle snake, an' he floe Eh°, an' he tole her, ..Vbe, why fur you eat de apples in de 'middle ob de orchard?" She save, 'Dom's- do Lor's winter apples.' But 'do debbol says,.'l tole you for to eat dem, lase dey'll de best apples in de orchard.' So Eve eat do apple ' , and guv Adam a bite; and den • de debbel he go away. "Byrne by, de Lor' cum home an be call Adam. • Adam he lay low, so do Lor ho call agi - n, 'You Adam!' Adam, say, 'llea, LorTg An de Lor' say, 'Who stole de winter ap plea?' Adam say, 'Don't know—Ebe, ho spent.' So de Lor' calls Ebe. Eby lay low; do Lor' he call agin, •Yea Ebel' Ebe say, Lor'l' Do Lor' say, 'Who stole de 'winter apples?' Ebo she say, 'Don't know —Adam, she spent.' -So do Lor' ketch 'em toff, and trow nom clear ober de fence, au tole 'em 'Clo work for your libbin'." A lawyer, noted for his extreme polite ness, was one day examining a rough-look ing witness from the back woods, and af ter getting the countryman out of patience, says: "Now, Mr. Chase, will you please tell his Honor, the judge, and the gentlemen of the jury, if you are not engaged in the manufac ture of char Coal ?" "Hey !" says the countryman, in %Voice of thunder. The lawyer again repeated the question. • "Hey !" again says the witness, in a voice, if possible, still lower. At this time, another lawyer says : "Mr. Chase, don't you sometimes burn charcoal?" "Oh, darn it, yes !" says ho. "I didn't know what the blamed fool meant 1" At another time, in examining the same witness, the lawyer had repeatedly told him to not tell anything told him by others, as that was not evidence, but to say nothing but what he was personally knowing to. "Wall !" said the countryman. Still he would continue to tell what his neighbors said.' "I cold you several times," said the law yer, "to tell nothing but what you knew yourself!" "Wall!" says ho again. After stopping the witness, and getting the same answers as .before several times, at last the lawyer says: "Ain't you Abraham Chase's son?" "I don't know!" says the witness. "Yes you do know," says the lawyer, "and I want you to tell us." don't know," says Chase; "folks says I be; but you told me I mosn't tell what folks said, only what I know myself!" A few days since as a lady of rather in quisitive character was visiting the city, a mong other plaCes she visited the jail. She would ask the different prisoners for what crime they were in there. It went off, well enough, till she came to a rather hard speol man of humanity, when she asked: 'What are you here for 1" •'For stealing a horse.' 'Are you' not sorry for it T' 'Yes, . — 'Wont you try and do better next time ?' 'Yes—l'll steal two The other day a gentleman asked one of hie neighbors what was his age. "I am not certain," replied he. "I am either 68 or 68," "What, not know your own -age?" "No, sir-ee," replied the former. "I count my money, my income and my cattle; but of my years I keep no reckoning, because I am well convinced I shall lose none of them, and that nobody will rob me of them." An enterprising keeper of a confectionery store in Waterbury, Conn., has taught a par rot to say 'pretty creature' to each lady that enters the store. The result is that the store is crowded ail day. Qbe beginning woman consisted of a sin gle rib. Now she is all ribs, from her belt to the rim of her petticoats. WOODSAWER'S SOLILOQUIr.-'of all the saws 1 ever saw, .1 never saw a saw to saw as this saw saws. An eastern editor asks his subscribers to pay up, that he,may play a similar Joke upon his creditors. We like to see a good joke go round. 'A Western chap, in describing a gale of wind, says, "a white dog, 'while attempting to weather the gale, Was naught with month iiideppetriWnd turned eoinpletelyinside out." -- . • Daniel Vi r ehator used to say that the word toeurei, in Rufus Choate's hand-writing,re eemhted a i UmH gridiron struck by lightning. ar -roar. NUMBER 41
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers