® The Dallas Post Dallas, PA Wednesday, July 24,1996 5 ” oa © Edifor: + Gary R. Cooper, formerly of Chase wants to thank the many friends, neighbors and relatives who are sending him cards. He would also like to thank the Jack- Meinstream | John William Johnson Dusting himself off, Da Vinci smilesbroadly. He turns from the countertop he’s been sanding. “What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a law- yer,” he grins. I shrug. He begins laughing even before telling me. “An offer you can't understand.” Splinters, behind a beard cov- ered in saw dust, guffaws with laughter. - Sanding again, Da Vinci adds: “I read that most jokes actually start in prison.” 1. nod. “But many jokes are created and repeated primarily as socially acceptable attempts to find others with whom to vent common frustrations. Lawyer jokes are just one such example.” ‘Yeah,"that's right,” agrees Splinters. “And there are good reasons: for that—I mean about lawyers.” .-He ticks them off on splinter scarred fingers: —Mostofour Congress are law- yers—they make the laws, and then making money using the law.” A at ambulance chasing eS cre- ate and then feed) are the main reason we pay such high insur- ance premiums.” , —Lawyers routinely manipu- late, the system in causing known criminals to walk the street.” “So,” 1 wonder, “should we, as Shakespeare suggests, kill all the lawyers?” “Hardly,” Da Vinci interrupts, “but we can certainly do some- thing about ourselves being so greedy! and using lawyers to implement that greed.” “Aw...why do we need lawyers in the first place?” Splinters grumbles. He turns to me and asks again with raised eyebrows. I explain that lawyers have be- come the cornerstone of our eco- nomic system, the vast majority of lawyers being engaged in busi- ness and property law. A Thanks for well-wishes from friends son Township Volunteer Fire Dept. for the fruit basket and the mem- bers who are sending him cards. His address is still Heritage House Hospice, V.N.A., 80 E. Northampton Street, Wilkes-Barre Why we tell “The rest of them work to pro- tect citizens against the heavy hand of government at all levels,” Iadd. “And since most Americans want to continue owning private propertly and functioning in the free enterprise system, and also want protection under law from government, then we're stuck with lawyers to afford us those privi- leges.” Yes,” Da. Vinci, interrupts again, “But I was listening to the radio on the way to New York recently, and we don’t need what I heard there-lawyers with come- on advertisements suggesting if you sign up with XYZ law firm they will not rest until you receive a large cash award...there was a time when that sort of stuff was illegal.” He shakes his head slowly. Splinters, scratching his beard, nods toward Da Vinci. “Yeah, you're right...the single most im- portant thing we can do is look in the mirror. We are the most law suit happy society on the planet. Everywhere you look, someone is suing someone about something.” I cite some examples: Parents sue balloon manufacturer be- cause balloon breaks and fright- ens child. Parents sue school district because child is not per- mitted to go on school trip as punishment for being disrespect- Pa 18701. He would enjoy company. Vis- iting is anytime, morning, noon or night. Dorothy Cooper Jackson Township lawyer jokes ful. “Where is it written that life is fair?” Da Vinci asks. “And it will become no more fair by looking to the legal system as a part of the economic system in providing money to us. It only then be- comes fair for the lawyers who get rich bending the rules, torturing common sense and chasing the ambulances.” I clear my throat. “Don’t tell me,” Splinters grins. “You're going to quote some dead guy...right?” Smiling, I nod. “To quote En- glish jurist Lord Moulton: ‘The measure of civilization is the de- gree of its obedience to the unen- forceable’ * “A quote from a moldy guy named Moulton,” Splinters laughs. “Yes, butifyou agree with him,” I smile, this nation is rapidly becoming uncivilized, roaming the court- rooms of America in search of legal firewood with which to burn the bonds of honor, integrity and mutual respect, the very fibers of which a [ree nation, intending to remain so, depends.” Splinters shakes his head, laughing as he returns to work. “Uncivilized,” he mumbles. “Yeah, uncivilized.” “then the reality is that CY IRTILTT SERVICES BACK MOUNTAIN HARVEST ASSEMBLY - 340 Carverton Rd., Trucksville. 696-1128. Pastor, Daniel S. Miller. Sunday School for> all-'ages, 9:30 a.m. Worship 10:30 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. Wed., 7 p.m.;."Out of Bounds" youth serv- ice. Midweek home groups; call for days arid times. Weekday prayer 6: 30; 7: $0 a.m. Visilors welcome. DALLAS UNITED METHODIST CHURCH - 4 Parsonage St., Dal- las’: 675-0122. Rev. Michael A. Bealla, Pastor. Morning Worship 9:30:a.m. pg ) TRE § SHAVERTOWN UNITED METHODIST CHURCH - 163 N. Pioneer Ave., Shavertown. 675- 3616. Pastors: Rev. Douglas and Janet Bryant Clark. Music Dir., John Vaida. SATURDAY: 5:30 p.m:, Chapel Service; SUNDAY: 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. Worship Ser- vices. Visitors expected. PHONE- A-PRAYER 675-4666. ST. PAUL'S LUTHERAN CHURCH - 196 N. Main St., Shav- ertown.'Summer Sunday Worship 9:30.a.m.; Cry Room and Nursery available. Rev. Robert K. Bohm, Interim Pastor. Phone 675-3859. Everyone Welcome. Down To Earth “Bath and Body Shop 743 Wyoming Ave., Kingston, PA Summer Sale up to 50% off selected merchandise Sale Days real Ri CIAL ply ID oY Saturday, July27 717-283-8401 Offer available only to residential customers of UGI’s Electric Division. UGI helps you save energy an Here's the offer: Buy an electric appliance with the Highest Energy Efficiency Rating available and receive a cash rebate from $20 to $100 from UGI. Choose from energy-efficient electric air conditioners, water heaters, clothes dryers, dehumidifiers, freezers and heat pumps. Look for details with your electric bill, or call (717) 693-2771 for assistance. And hurry! This is a limited time offer. money! y | ELECTRIC SERVICE POST PHOTO/CHARLOTTE BARTIZEK Fun AT "ANYTHING GOES' PARTY Under the umbrella at the Valley Swim and Tennis Club's "Anything Goes" luncheon were, from left, seated; Judy Schall, Louise Moore, Pat Rosenthal, Elaine Russin, Nancy Brown. Standing; Barbara Robins, Marylou Rehring, Marianne Matysczak, Anita Muhlbauer, Sandy Piccone. The day included a buffet picnic lunch and music from Cole Porter's "Anything Goes." Louise Moore and Barbara Robins were co-chairpersons for the event. ) a John Halbing of Dallas ‘King of the Hill” Winners, 1996 Giants Despair Hill Climb Congratulations to the entire Grotto Pizza Racing Team! Good Work John,Clarence, Denise, Brad & Joe! i mn EE EERE mmm 4 EK GrottoPizza the legendary taste Nw Cor vik 7 \, a=" \ JV hl Pha La T 7 a my NOW YOU CAN FIND LIBERTY IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD, Liberty Mutual Group is now located in Dallas. That's right, because at Liberty, we care about people like you. And we've moved even closer so that you too, can get the same personal attention and prompt claims handling that more and more Americans have been enjoying for years. 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