FREELAND TRIBUNE. Xitablichei 1838. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY, WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY. BY THE TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, Limited. OFFICE: MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE. LONG DISTANCE TELEPHONE. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. FREELAND.—The TRIBUNE is delivered by carriers to subscribers in Freelund at the rate of 12tf cents a month, payable every two months, or $1.50 a year, payable in udvance. The TRIBUNE may be ordered direct from the carriers or from the office. Complaints of irregular or tardy delivery service will receive prompt atteutiou. BY MAIL.—The TRIBUNE is sent to out-of town subscribers for $1.50 a year, payable in advance; pro rata terms for shorter periods. The dute when the subscription expires is on the address label of each paper. Prompt re newals must be made at the expiration, other wise the subscription will be discontinued. Entered at the Postoflloe at Freeland, Pa., as Second-Class Matter. FREELAND, PA., DECEMBER 18,1901. A LITTLE NONSENSE. How a Youth In Love Needed All the Assistance He Could Get. "Say, old man, got anything par ticular on hand for this afternoon?" "No; nothing I can't drop if there is any excitement in sight." "Well, there is. Yes, I think I can safely say that you won't stag nate." "Good! What's up ?" "I want you to help me propose to Miss Lovelton." "The deuce you do!" "Exactly. Will you?" "Why—why, I don't know. How ?" "Well, you know that pet bull terrier she always has with her? Yes? Well, he hates me for some reason, and if I should venture even to touch her he'd be at my calves in a holy second. Now, how can a fel low propose properly to a girl with out taking her hand or slipping his arm round her? And when she ac cepts me, if I forget about that blasted pup in the ardor of the mo ment, I shudder at the consequen ces." "I see. But where do I come in?" "Why; he hates tramps too. So I want you to rig up as one and get him to chase you, say, anywhere from half a mile to a mile. Then you can climb a tree and roost out of his reach till we come and call him off." "But suppose she rejects you and you should forget all about me?" "Oh, don't go to raising frivolous objections. Nothing of the kind will happen, and even if it does I suppose he'll starve to death in time." Putting His Foot In It. What he intended to say was, "It is no small feat on my part to pluck up the courage necessary to lay my humble affection prostrate before your great beauty." What he really did say was, "It shows no small pluck on my part to courageously lay the beauty of my affection prostrate before your great feet." What He Was Told. "Say," said the funny man as he paused in front of the depositors' window in a downtown bank, "are you the teller ?" "Yes," was the reply. "What can I do for you, sir?" "Oh," replied the f. m., "I merely wished to ask what you tell." "I tell people who have no busi ness here to trot along to the far thest extremity and bo seated," re joined the weary clerk.—Chicago News. Wise by Experience. "Mrs. Hasher let her boarders de cide by vote whether the turkey should be boiled, roasted, broiled, fried, stewed or fricasseed." "YVhat was the decision ?" "The boarders were governed by past experience and voted unani mously that the turkey be put through all the processes." —Phila- delphia North American. Candy and nuts at Keipcr's. A PRETTY HOT SPOT. Hew It Feels at the Top of a Burning Furnace Chimney. "If you want to know what heat is," said the high climber, "you must be at the top of a chimney while the furnaces aie going at full clip below. I was painting up the sides of one high chimney in Mas sachusetts one hot summer day. I was up about a hundred feet. I had done one, two, three sides, now I pulled myself up to shift my hook around to the fourth. My bo'sun's chair swung down from this hook, you understand. "It was hot enough anywhere on the top, but around the cap on the fourth side, where the wind was blowing out the smoke and heat, it was awful. I dropped my hook down and walked around to the cooler side to rest a bit. Around the cap I had a space of about a foot's width to walk on. In a mo ment I went back and put my hand on the hook to slide down the rope to my chair. Gee! I thought the hair would come out my head. My shoes frizzed. The hot iron of the hook blistered my hands. I could stay nowhere near it. "Again and again I went hack to that hook. Each time I was driven to the other side. There in the sun and the furnace heat pouring up, blowing this way, the hook got hotter and hotter. There was no other way of getting down even. I was caught there. "Finally in desperation I took off my undershirt and grabbed the hook with it. Blistered and burned, I half fell into my chair and managed to let myself down." —Frank Les lie's. Curious Smoking Contests. In Rhenish Westphalia a singular custom prevails. At stated inter vals the veteran smokers in each district assemble in a large public hall and compete for prizes, which are awarded to those among them who can smoke the longest. Each competitor is provided with a long pipe which has a colossal bowl. Exactly the same quantity of tobacco is put into each howl, and after this operation is perform ed matches are lit and at a given signal the contest begins. Each competitor is allowed as much to bacco as he can consume, and the prize is awarded to the one who continues smoking after all the oth ers have stopped. In order to guard against suffoca tion all the windows in the hall are opened, yet even then the smoke is generally so dense that persons who are not used to tobacco are unable to endure it. Indeed, at a recent contest the smoke issued from the open windows in such volume that the local fire brigade thought the building was on fire and promptly deluged it and the unsuspecting smokers with water. Peru's History. The shortest history on record probably has been written by Senor Carlos Escrihans, a Peruvian. It is only 100 words in length. Follow ing is the English translation: "The Asiatic origin of the prim itive Peruvians admitted, their rudi mentary civilization ended with the appearance of Manco Capac, found er of the inca empire. Ilia thirteen successors, continuing his- policy, constituted that vast theocratic and communistic monarchy _ which as tonished the world. Conquered by Pizarro (1538), it became a Spanish colony, whoso fourteen viceroys kept it in mediaeval darkness and whose heavy yoke provoked the in dependence proclaimed by San Mar tin (1831), cemented by Bolivar and Sucre at Junin and Ayacueho. The republic established, anarchy super vened, presidents rapidly succeeded, until the disastrous war with Chile, which, chastening minds, has pre pared tjie future." His Protest. The following story is told of a certain actor who was fat and scant of breath: He was a bad actor as well as a fat one, and the gallery guyed him a little while he went through his part in a military drama. He kept his temper fairly well until toward the close of the last act, when he had to be shot dead. His supposed corpse was stretched out on the stage, but did what no respectable corpse is ex pected to do —it panted. Said one irreverent galleryite to another on the opposite side of the house, "I say, Bill, look how his bellows blows." Thereupon the wrathful corpse sat up and, with angry looks, re plied, "Respect the dead." Animals and Food. The strongest animals exist en tirely on vegetahlo food. It is the ferocity of tho lion rather than liis strength that makes him formida ble. An elephant is a match for several lions and is a vegetarian. The animals with most speed and endurance—the horse, the reindeer, the antelope and others—are also vegetarians. TADPOLES AND FROGS. Their Adventures During Infancy and Life When Grown Up. "A frog's egg," says Mrs. Miller, "looks like a small black bead. Great numbers of these are found togeth er, surrounded by a quantity of the jelly. As the sun warms the water the eggs feel its quickening force, and development begins. In the course of a week or two the tiny tadpoles squirm free and swim away into the pond. If taken from the water, they would die as quick ly as one of us would if forced to exchange places with them. Lungs for air breathing are fast replacing the gills which did duty in the tad pole stage. The young frog fre quently pokes his nose out of the water as his lungs grow more lung like to try them. The mouth, too, must widen and the e}es grow larger and more bulging. When all is complete, the tail will no longer stand in the way. "The little tadpole, or polliwog, has no family ties. He wots noth ing of brothers and sisters. He goes to no school save that of daily experience. Today a fish may teach him how to dodge or his own grand father give him a lesson in deep diving, but in both cases it is to es cape making a meal for his teach ers that he dodges or dives. The main business of the day is eating— or being eaten. If he escapes the latter for six weeks or two months, the common frog finds himself pos sessed of two hind legs, later of two front ones. Then his tadpole days are over, and he enters into the state of froghood."—"Country Life In America." Why You Have a Nose. Very few people know how to breathe properly, and those that do know seldom do it. Oxj'gen is the one indispensable thing for the maintenance of health and life, and the only way we get it is by breath ing it in the air. We must breathe in the right way, however, not only to get the necessary supply of oxygen, but to keep out certain impurities that either bring diseases directly or pre pare the system to fall an easy vic tim to them. The most important thing per haps is to form the habit of breath ing through tire nostrils. The air should be made of nearly the same temperature as the blood before it is taken into the lungs, and its pas sage over the network of blood ves sels in the mucous membrane of the nasal canals gives it the necessary heat. Besides, the air alwajs contains dust particles, and if we breathe it in through the mouth we run the risk of the irritation and infection that such particles often produce. In breathing through the nostrils, on the contrary, we draw in the air gently along a system of winding canals, and this not only moderates its temperature, but purifies it at the same time. Throwing Old Shoes. The custom of throwing one or more old shoes after the bride and groom when they go to the church or when they start on their wedding tour is so old that the of man stretches not back to the be ginning. Some believe it is a lin gering trace of the custom among savage nations of carrying away the bride by violence. Others think it is a relic of the ancient law of ex change or purchase and that it for merly implied the surrender by the parents of all dominion or author ity over the daughter. It was a Jewish custom. In Deu teronomy xxv, 5-10, it is found that the widow refused by the surviving brother asserted her independence by "loosing his shoes," and in the story of Ruth it is told that it was the custom in exchange to deliver a shoe in token of renunciation. It was the custom in ancient times to place the husband's shoe at the head of the nuptial couch in assertion of his domination and that he assum ed the government of the house hold. The Freed Serfs. The suddenness with which the Russian serfs were transformed into freemen on March 3, 18G1, is indi cated by the story told of a Russian nobleman who happened to be trav eling and, having forgotten the date, was awakened at midnight by his servants, who said they would then take their leave of him, as they were free. The gentleman found that he was left in the middle of a forest on a dark night. The servants consid cately, before they left him, pointed out the direction in which his route lav. The coachman warned him to be careful of the horses, as they did not like being driven in the forest in the dark. Then, bidding adieu to his excellency, his late serfs dis appeared in the forest. It is interesting to recall that Lincoln was inaugurated president of the United States the day follow ing the emancipation of the serfs of Russia. A JUDGE'S OPINION OF WOMEN Which is the truthful sex, or, to modify, which is the less truthful sex? Magistrate Mott savs: "There's this difference between a irmn and a woman: When a wom an thinks a tiling is so, she is ready to swear to it. But it's different with a man. He doesn't swear to anything unless he knows it." Wait till you hear the howl that goes up from the all potential She when the full force of the magis trate's remarks strikes in. She will ing to swear to a think! She not sure of her facts! She an untrust worthy witness! Wow! Magistrate Molt has in the past said and done things which have caused the man among us to name him anathema, but until this utter ance he hadn't .succeeded in draw ing down upon his aged head the wrath of the feminine. But a storm approacheth. One needs not to look at the barometer or to read the weather reports furnished by Broth er Moore to bo apprised of a disturb ance en route. It comes right down to this: Is woman intentionally or unintention ally a liar ? Let's hear from the sex.—New York Telegram. He Took the Beer. Not long ago Professor N. I?. Leonard, who was called recently to the presidency of the mining college at Butte, Mon., feeling indisposed, consulted his physician, a German, very scientific and acknowledged as one of the leading men in his pro fession in Montana. The doctor advised Mr. Leonard to work less at the desk, exercise more outdoors and take beer as a tonic, something the professor had never cared for. The doctor met his patient a few days later as he was leaving the col lege and stopped to inquire how he was feeling. "About the same," replied the professor. "Did you take beer as I directed ?" inquired the physician. "Yes," responded the professor; "I took it a few times, but it be came so nauseous that I had to dis continue it." "How much did you take?" "Why, I bought a whole bottle and took a spoonful before each meal," answered the professor. An Unsolved Problem. Mrs. Emmons Blaine of Chicago, whose scheme of employing servants by relays and only for certain pre scribed hours attracted such atten tion a few months ago, has had to give it up. Report has it that after faithfully testing the plan Mrs. Blaine retired to the country this summer, a perfect wreck—utterly worn out through her efforts to solve the servant question in away hailed by theorists as salva tion both for maid and mistress. "Somewhat recuperated," says the New York Sun, "Mrs. Blaine will venture back to Chicago this win ter, but her house, the scene of the late domestic experiments, will re main closed. She has taken an apartment. Her meals will be taken at a restaurant, and whatever serv ice she requires will be performed by the attendants of the apartment house. It begins to look us if the only way to get rid of the servant question was to got rid of the serv ants." The High Mountains. The reason, Signor Mosso tells us, why so few have attempted the as cent of the highest peaks on the face of the earth is the conviction that man cannot withstand the rare fied air of these altitudes. "Hero ism shrinks from such prolonged sufferings as those due to lack of health." His own experiment and observations, however, give us as surance that man will bo able slow ly to accustom himself to the dimin ished barometric pressure of the Himalayas. "If birds," he says, "Hy to the height of 29,000 feet, man ought to be able to reach the same altitude at a slow rate of progress." Suited Them Best. Mr. Wilson Barrett often tells the following story of his appearance as Hamlet - at the l'riucess' theater, London. The day after the first performance he overheard some old stage carpenters discussing the vari ous performers of Hamlet they had seen in their day. "Well," said one of them, "you may talk of Irving and Booth and now Barrett, but give me Fechter's Hamlet. He was done twenty min utes sooner than any of 'em." Man's Body In a Shark. The other day a Carnarvon man, who is engaged on the Liverpool steamship Canada, writing home to his relatives, referred to the capture of a big shark at East London, South Africa. When ripped open, the monster, which measured eight een feet long, was found to have quite recently swallowed a soldier bodily. The man's body and uni form were intact save for a small portion of one shoulder, which had been cut off.— London Globe. r^fICASTORIA I r or Infante and Children. fiSTDiil! THe Kind You Have ¥ - :*§l Always Bought AYepetablePreparalionrorAs- 3 m similalingltieFoodnndßcgitla- fa _. # ting the Stouiaclis and Dowels or £)6cirS tJIG ff I mijIISMSI I g . /M' ; Promotes Digestion, Cheerfu- t si JT nessandßest.Containsneither (B Opium.Morphine norFliueral. || U.l fj |\ H\j Kotßarcotic. I flazpc of Old J)rSAMUEL PtTCltEIi | Fhnif/fun Sce*l - . :||| iff j4lx.Se/ina * 1 .|i a liockelle. fiaflS f - I M vw.wrf' v I an £ i n H&xnnint - / k 11 4 la a 1,1 Di CfuioftaJfSbdti + I ";lii 1 1 4J H }tsrrnSe*cl - 1 11 B Clevified Sugar I WT " PI hihittywn Flavor. / MPBI B KI A Q Aperfect Remedy forConstipa- I I lj IV Ww U Ron, Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea g I 1 Iky Worms .Convulsions .Feverish- S I VF „ sEif n ft* ness and Loss OF SLEEP. isj \J* IU 1 UV C a Facsimile Signature oP Jf : Thirty Ye ars EXACT EOPV OF WRAPPER. /O THE KEY TO HEALTH ff\ STRENGTH JL\ AND M \ LONGEVITY L'jpj" jjk IS THE 111 IBtomach BBgMmL-* ug-Ega-'-^nsaa—PHWß—————Bi H All dirtPniien are more or lestt comprised in the nbovo lour ailments, nil of ■ which hnve their origin In the (Stomach. To euro ench, nny or all of them, fl begin right. llcgin with the Stomach, {login with Lnxnkola, the ftrent tonic H laxative. It speedily mid pniulennly nets on the bowels, clonuses thivstomnch, B Hiimulutps the liver, corrects the kidneys, allays nervousness, assists dlges fl lion, while Its marvellous tonic properties tones up the system while curing B it, and speedily causes n natnral nnd permanent eonditlon of health, lj Laxakoln is the best Children's remedy in the world, and the only one that builds up the fl children's systems while actinK ns an nll-around blood-purifier and tonic. It speedily clears the fl coated tongue, checks eoldr. and simple fevers, and promotes sleep. Children likt it ami ask H for it. Mothers are its greatest fricnd3; they use it and recommend it. All druggists, 3$ and fl 50 cents, or free sample of The LAXAKOLA Company, 133 Nassau Street, New York. ritt ® A • I lgers hair Mi's Opera House open Every Evening Had His Suspicions. Tim Murphy had ruu up a small bill at the village shop. lie went to pay it and wanted a receipt. "Oh, we never give receipts for these small amounts," grumbled the proprietor. "See, i will cross your account olf the book." And ho drew a pencil diagonally across it. "There is your receipt," he added. "Do ye mane that that settles it ?" asked Pat. "Certainly." "And ye'll niver be asking for it again ?" "We'll never ask yep for it again," said the other decidedly. "Faith, thin," said Pat, "and I'll be after kapin' me money in me pocket, for J haven't paid it yet." "Oh, well," was the angry retort, "1 can rub that out." Faith, and 1 thought as much," said Pat slyly. The proprietor of that establish ment now issues a receipt for the smallest amount.—London Tit-Bits. The Boy Knew. First Boy—Give me the words of the handwriting on the wall. "Let well enough alone, sir." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers