Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, December 18, 1901, Image 2

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    FREELAND TRIBUNE.
Xitablichei 1838.
PUBLISHED EVERY
MONDAY, WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY.
BY THE
TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, Limited.
OFFICE: MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE.
LONG DISTANCE TELEPHONE.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES.
FREELAND.—The TRIBUNE is delivered by
carriers to subscribers in Freelund at the rate
of 12tf cents a month, payable every two
months, or $1.50 a year, payable in udvance.
The TRIBUNE may be ordered direct from the
carriers or from the office. Complaints of
irregular or tardy delivery service will receive
prompt atteutiou.
BY MAIL.—The TRIBUNE is sent to out-of
town subscribers for $1.50 a year, payable in
advance; pro rata terms for shorter periods.
The dute when the subscription expires is on
the address label of each paper. Prompt re
newals must be made at the expiration, other
wise the subscription will be discontinued.
Entered at the Postoflloe at Freeland, Pa.,
as Second-Class Matter.
FREELAND, PA., DECEMBER 18,1901.
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
How a Youth In Love Needed All the
Assistance He Could Get.
"Say, old man, got anything par
ticular on hand for this afternoon?"
"No; nothing I can't drop if there
is any excitement in sight."
"Well, there is. Yes, I think I
can safely say that you won't stag
nate."
"Good! What's up ?"
"I want you to help me propose
to Miss Lovelton."
"The deuce you do!"
"Exactly. Will you?"
"Why—why, I don't know. How ?"
"Well, you know that pet bull
terrier she always has with her?
Yes? Well, he hates me for some
reason, and if I should venture even
to touch her he'd be at my calves in
a holy second. Now, how can a fel
low propose properly to a girl with
out taking her hand or slipping his
arm round her? And when she ac
cepts me, if I forget about that
blasted pup in the ardor of the mo
ment, I shudder at the consequen
ces."
"I see. But where do I come in?"
"Why; he hates tramps too. So I
want you to rig up as one and get
him to chase you, say, anywhere
from half a mile to a mile. Then
you can climb a tree and roost out
of his reach till we come and call
him off."
"But suppose she rejects you and
you should forget all about me?"
"Oh, don't go to raising frivolous
objections. Nothing of the kind
will happen, and even if it does I
suppose he'll starve to death in
time."
Putting His Foot In It.
What he intended to say was, "It
is no small feat on my part to pluck
up the courage necessary to lay my
humble affection prostrate before
your great beauty."
What he really did say was, "It
shows no small pluck on my part to
courageously lay the beauty of my
affection prostrate before your great
feet."
What He Was Told.
"Say," said the funny man as he
paused in front of the depositors'
window in a downtown bank, "are
you the teller ?"
"Yes," was the reply. "What can
I do for you, sir?"
"Oh," replied the f. m., "I merely
wished to ask what you tell."
"I tell people who have no busi
ness here to trot along to the far
thest extremity and bo seated," re
joined the weary clerk.—Chicago
News.
Wise by Experience.
"Mrs. Hasher let her boarders de
cide by vote whether the turkey
should be boiled, roasted, broiled,
fried, stewed or fricasseed."
"YVhat was the decision ?"
"The boarders were governed by
past experience and voted unani
mously that the turkey be put
through all the processes." —Phila-
delphia North American.
Candy and nuts at Keipcr's.
A PRETTY HOT SPOT.
Hew It Feels at the Top of a Burning
Furnace Chimney.
"If you want to know what heat
is," said the high climber, "you
must be at the top of a chimney
while the furnaces aie going at full
clip below. I was painting up the
sides of one high chimney in Mas
sachusetts one hot summer day. I
was up about a hundred feet. I
had done one, two, three sides, now
I pulled myself up to shift my hook
around to the fourth. My bo'sun's
chair swung down from this hook,
you understand.
"It was hot enough anywhere on
the top, but around the cap on the
fourth side, where the wind was
blowing out the smoke and heat, it
was awful. I dropped my hook
down and walked around to the
cooler side to rest a bit. Around
the cap I had a space of about a
foot's width to walk on. In a mo
ment I went back and put my hand
on the hook to slide down the rope
to my chair. Gee! I thought the
hair would come out my head. My
shoes frizzed. The hot iron of the
hook blistered my hands. I could
stay nowhere near it.
"Again and again I went hack to
that hook. Each time I was driven
to the other side. There in the
sun and the furnace heat pouring
up, blowing this way, the hook got
hotter and hotter. There was no
other way of getting down even. I
was caught there.
"Finally in desperation I took off
my undershirt and grabbed the hook
with it. Blistered and burned, I
half fell into my chair and managed
to let myself down." —Frank Les
lie's.
Curious Smoking Contests.
In Rhenish Westphalia a singular
custom prevails. At stated inter
vals the veteran smokers in each
district assemble in a large public
hall and compete for prizes, which
are awarded to those among them
who can smoke the longest.
Each competitor is provided with
a long pipe which has a colossal
bowl. Exactly the same quantity
of tobacco is put into each howl,
and after this operation is perform
ed matches are lit and at a given
signal the contest begins. Each
competitor is allowed as much to
bacco as he can consume, and the
prize is awarded to the one who
continues smoking after all the oth
ers have stopped.
In order to guard against suffoca
tion all the windows in the hall are
opened, yet even then the smoke is
generally so dense that persons who
are not used to tobacco are unable
to endure it. Indeed, at a recent
contest the smoke issued from the
open windows in such volume that
the local fire brigade thought the
building was on fire and promptly
deluged it and the unsuspecting
smokers with water.
Peru's History.
The shortest history on record
probably has been written by Senor
Carlos Escrihans, a Peruvian. It is
only 100 words in length. Follow
ing is the English translation:
"The Asiatic origin of the prim
itive Peruvians admitted, their rudi
mentary civilization ended with the
appearance of Manco Capac, found
er of the inca empire. Ilia thirteen
successors, continuing his- policy,
constituted that vast theocratic and
communistic monarchy _ which as
tonished the world. Conquered by
Pizarro (1538), it became a Spanish
colony, whoso fourteen viceroys
kept it in mediaeval darkness and
whose heavy yoke provoked the in
dependence proclaimed by San Mar
tin (1831), cemented by Bolivar and
Sucre at Junin and Ayacueho. The
republic established, anarchy super
vened, presidents rapidly succeeded,
until the disastrous war with Chile,
which, chastening minds, has pre
pared tjie future."
His Protest.
The following story is told of a
certain actor who was fat and scant
of breath: He was a bad actor as
well as a fat one, and the gallery
guyed him a little while he went
through his part in a military
drama. He kept his temper fairly
well until toward the close of the
last act, when he had to be shot
dead. His supposed corpse was
stretched out on the stage, but did
what no respectable corpse is ex
pected to do —it panted.
Said one irreverent galleryite to
another on the opposite side of the
house, "I say, Bill, look how his
bellows blows."
Thereupon the wrathful corpse
sat up and, with angry looks, re
plied, "Respect the dead."
Animals and Food.
The strongest animals exist en
tirely on vegetahlo food. It is the
ferocity of tho lion rather than liis
strength that makes him formida
ble. An elephant is a match for
several lions and is a vegetarian.
The animals with most speed and
endurance—the horse, the reindeer,
the antelope and others—are also
vegetarians.
TADPOLES AND FROGS.
Their Adventures During Infancy and
Life When Grown Up.
"A frog's egg," says Mrs. Miller,
"looks like a small black bead. Great
numbers of these are found togeth
er, surrounded by a quantity of the
jelly. As the sun warms the water
the eggs feel its quickening force,
and development begins. In the
course of a week or two the tiny
tadpoles squirm free and swim
away into the pond. If taken from
the water, they would die as quick
ly as one of us would if forced to
exchange places with them. Lungs
for air breathing are fast replacing
the gills which did duty in the tad
pole stage. The young frog fre
quently pokes his nose out of the
water as his lungs grow more lung
like to try them. The mouth, too,
must widen and the e}es grow
larger and more bulging. When all
is complete, the tail will no longer
stand in the way.
"The little tadpole, or polliwog,
has no family ties. He wots noth
ing of brothers and sisters. He
goes to no school save that of daily
experience. Today a fish may teach
him how to dodge or his own grand
father give him a lesson in deep
diving, but in both cases it is to es
cape making a meal for his teach
ers that he dodges or dives. The
main business of the day is eating—
or being eaten. If he escapes the
latter for six weeks or two months,
the common frog finds himself pos
sessed of two hind legs, later of
two front ones. Then his tadpole
days are over, and he enters into
the state of froghood."—"Country
Life In America."
Why You Have a Nose.
Very few people know how to
breathe properly, and those that do
know seldom do it. Oxj'gen is the
one indispensable thing for the
maintenance of health and life, and
the only way we get it is by breath
ing it in the air.
We must breathe in the right
way, however, not only to get the
necessary supply of oxygen, but to
keep out certain impurities that
either bring diseases directly or pre
pare the system to fall an easy vic
tim to them.
The most important thing per
haps is to form the habit of breath
ing through tire nostrils. The air
should be made of nearly the same
temperature as the blood before it
is taken into the lungs, and its pas
sage over the network of blood ves
sels in the mucous membrane of the
nasal canals gives it the necessary
heat.
Besides, the air alwajs contains
dust particles, and if we breathe it
in through the mouth we run the
risk of the irritation and infection
that such particles often produce.
In breathing through the nostrils,
on the contrary, we draw in the air
gently along a system of winding
canals, and this not only moderates
its temperature, but purifies it at
the same time.
Throwing Old Shoes.
The custom of throwing one or
more old shoes after the bride and
groom when they go to the church
or when they start on their wedding
tour is so old that the of
man stretches not back to the be
ginning. Some believe it is a lin
gering trace of the custom among
savage nations of carrying away the
bride by violence. Others think it
is a relic of the ancient law of ex
change or purchase and that it for
merly implied the surrender by the
parents of all dominion or author
ity over the daughter.
It was a Jewish custom. In Deu
teronomy xxv, 5-10, it is found that
the widow refused by the surviving
brother asserted her independence
by "loosing his shoes," and in the
story of Ruth it is told that it was
the custom in exchange to deliver a
shoe in token of renunciation. It
was the custom in ancient times to
place the husband's shoe at the head
of the nuptial couch in assertion of
his domination and that he assum
ed the government of the house
hold.
The Freed Serfs.
The suddenness with which the
Russian serfs were transformed into
freemen on March 3, 18G1, is indi
cated by the story told of a Russian
nobleman who happened to be trav
eling and, having forgotten the
date, was awakened at midnight by
his servants, who said they would
then take their leave of him, as they
were free.
The gentleman found that he
was left in the middle of a forest on
a dark night. The servants consid
cately, before they left him, pointed
out the direction in which his route
lav. The coachman warned him to
be careful of the horses, as they did
not like being driven in the forest
in the dark. Then, bidding adieu
to his excellency, his late serfs dis
appeared in the forest.
It is interesting to recall that
Lincoln was inaugurated president
of the United States the day follow
ing the emancipation of the serfs of
Russia.
A JUDGE'S OPINION OF WOMEN
Which is the truthful sex, or, to
modify, which is the less truthful
sex? Magistrate Mott savs:
"There's this difference between
a irmn and a woman: When a wom
an thinks a tiling is so, she is ready
to swear to it. But it's different
with a man. He doesn't swear to
anything unless he knows it."
Wait till you hear the howl that
goes up from the all potential She
when the full force of the magis
trate's remarks strikes in. She will
ing to swear to a think! She not
sure of her facts! She an untrust
worthy witness! Wow!
Magistrate Molt has in the past
said and done things which have
caused the man among us to name
him anathema, but until this utter
ance he hadn't .succeeded in draw
ing down upon his aged head the
wrath of the feminine. But a storm
approacheth. One needs not to look
at the barometer or to read the
weather reports furnished by Broth
er Moore to bo apprised of a disturb
ance en route.
It comes right down to this: Is
woman intentionally or unintention
ally a liar ?
Let's hear from the sex.—New
York Telegram.
He Took the Beer.
Not long ago Professor N. I?.
Leonard, who was called recently to
the presidency of the mining college
at Butte, Mon., feeling indisposed,
consulted his physician, a German,
very scientific and acknowledged as
one of the leading men in his pro
fession in Montana. The doctor
advised Mr. Leonard to work less
at the desk, exercise more outdoors
and take beer as a tonic, something
the professor had never cared for.
The doctor met his patient a few
days later as he was leaving the col
lege and stopped to inquire how he
was feeling.
"About the same," replied the
professor.
"Did you take beer as I directed ?"
inquired the physician.
"Yes," responded the professor;
"I took it a few times, but it be
came so nauseous that I had to dis
continue it."
"How much did you take?"
"Why, I bought a whole bottle
and took a spoonful before each
meal," answered the professor.
An Unsolved Problem.
Mrs. Emmons Blaine of Chicago,
whose scheme of employing servants
by relays and only for certain pre
scribed hours attracted such atten
tion a few months ago, has had to
give it up. Report has it that after
faithfully testing the plan Mrs.
Blaine retired to the country this
summer, a perfect wreck—utterly
worn out through her efforts to
solve the servant question in away
hailed by theorists as salva
tion both for maid and mistress.
"Somewhat recuperated," says the
New York Sun, "Mrs. Blaine will
venture back to Chicago this win
ter, but her house, the scene of the
late domestic experiments, will re
main closed. She has taken an
apartment. Her meals will be taken
at a restaurant, and whatever serv
ice she requires will be performed
by the attendants of the apartment
house. It begins to look us if the
only way to get rid of the servant
question was to got rid of the serv
ants."
The High Mountains.
The reason, Signor Mosso tells us,
why so few have attempted the as
cent of the highest peaks on the
face of the earth is the conviction
that man cannot withstand the rare
fied air of these altitudes. "Hero
ism shrinks from such prolonged
sufferings as those due to lack of
health." His own experiment and
observations, however, give us as
surance that man will bo able slow
ly to accustom himself to the dimin
ished barometric pressure of the
Himalayas. "If birds," he says, "Hy
to the height of 29,000 feet, man
ought to be able to reach the same
altitude at a slow rate of progress."
Suited Them Best.
Mr. Wilson Barrett often tells the
following story of his appearance as
Hamlet - at the l'riucess' theater,
London. The day after the first
performance he overheard some old
stage carpenters discussing the vari
ous performers of Hamlet they had
seen in their day.
"Well," said one of them, "you
may talk of Irving and Booth and
now Barrett, but give me Fechter's
Hamlet. He was done twenty min
utes sooner than any of 'em."
Man's Body In a Shark.
The other day a Carnarvon man,
who is engaged on the Liverpool
steamship Canada, writing home to
his relatives, referred to the capture
of a big shark at East London,
South Africa. When ripped open,
the monster, which measured eight
een feet long, was found to have
quite recently swallowed a soldier
bodily. The man's body and uni
form were intact save for a small
portion of one shoulder, which had
been cut off.— London Globe.
r^fICASTORIA
I r or Infante and Children.
fiSTDiil! THe Kind You Have
¥ - :*§l Always Bought
AYepetablePreparalionrorAs- 3 m
similalingltieFoodnndßcgitla- fa _. #
ting the Stouiaclis and Dowels or £)6cirS tJIG ff I
mijIISMSI I g . /M'
; Promotes Digestion, Cheerfu- t si JT
nessandßest.Containsneither (B
Opium.Morphine norFliueral. || U.l fj |\ H\j
Kotßarcotic. I
flazpc of Old J)rSAMUEL PtTCltEIi |
Fhnif/fun Sce*l - . :||| iff
j4lx.Se/ina * 1 .|i a
liockelle. fiaflS f - I M
vw.wrf' v I an £ i n
H&xnnint - / k 11 4 la a 1,1
Di CfuioftaJfSbdti + I ";lii 1 1 4J H
}tsrrnSe*cl - 1 11 B
Clevified Sugar I WT " PI
hihittywn Flavor. / MPBI B KI A Q
Aperfect Remedy forConstipa- I I lj IV Ww U
Ron, Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea g I 1 Iky
Worms .Convulsions .Feverish- S I VF „ sEif n ft*
ness and Loss OF SLEEP. isj \J* IU 1 UV C a
Facsimile Signature oP Jf :
Thirty Ye ars
EXACT EOPV OF WRAPPER.
/O THE KEY TO HEALTH
ff\ STRENGTH
JL\ AND
M \ LONGEVITY
L'jpj" jjk IS THE
111 IBtomach
BBgMmL-* ug-Ega-'-^nsaa—PHWß—————Bi
H All dirtPniien are more or lestt comprised in the nbovo lour ailments, nil of
■ which hnve their origin In the (Stomach. To euro ench, nny or all of them,
fl begin right. llcgin with the Stomach, {login with Lnxnkola, the ftrent tonic
H laxative. It speedily mid pniulennly nets on the bowels, clonuses thivstomnch,
B Hiimulutps the liver, corrects the kidneys, allays nervousness, assists dlges
fl lion, while Its marvellous tonic properties tones up the system while curing
B it, and speedily causes n natnral nnd permanent eonditlon of health,
lj Laxakoln is the best Children's remedy in the world, and the only one that builds up the
fl children's systems while actinK ns an nll-around blood-purifier and tonic. It speedily clears the
fl coated tongue, checks eoldr. and simple fevers, and promotes sleep. Children likt it ami ask
H for it. Mothers are its greatest fricnd3; they use it and recommend it. All druggists, 3$ and
fl 50 cents, or free sample of The LAXAKOLA Company, 133 Nassau Street, New York.
ritt ® A •
I lgers hair
Mi's Opera House
open
Every Evening
Had His Suspicions.
Tim Murphy had ruu up a small
bill at the village shop. lie went to
pay it and wanted a receipt.
"Oh, we never give receipts for
these small amounts," grumbled the
proprietor. "See, i will cross your
account olf the book." And ho drew
a pencil diagonally across it. "There
is your receipt," he added.
"Do ye mane that that settles it ?"
asked Pat.
"Certainly."
"And ye'll niver be asking for it
again ?"
"We'll never ask yep for it
again," said the other decidedly.
"Faith, thin," said Pat, "and I'll
be after kapin' me money in me
pocket, for J haven't paid it yet."
"Oh, well," was the angry retort,
"1 can rub that out."
Faith, and 1 thought as much,"
said Pat slyly.
The proprietor of that establish
ment now issues a receipt for the
smallest amount.—London Tit-Bits.
The Boy Knew.
First Boy—Give me the words
of the handwriting on the wall.
"Let well enough alone, sir."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.