|CASTORIA H Forlnfentsand^CMldren. CASIO Rill™ 6 Kind You Have Always Bought AwgetablePreparationforAs- ?9 # M ■ M UngtocStonwcteandßowelsof 'w tllG M 1 —— rf I Signature /%u Promotes DigcslionCheerFuk M |A# ness and Rest.Contains neither | n W If g Opium.Morphine nor Mineral. 01 #i\ *\ IT NotMahcotic. j AU/lr n*vtafrX4o-SMUELmVHtR |\AM SerJ>- ■lr • JU.Smn* * \ IJk AtLslU SJ*- I |U I _ ! A IMI IH ( f\ iJIA 111 ) JUL p ii Aperfeet Remedy forConsUpa- | ll j IIW U Ron, Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea I WaK Worms .Convulsions .Feverish- I tT r_„ A 1IAl( ness and Loss of Sleep. rQ| II yP J FacSunile Signature of k 1 Thirty Years "—ICfISTORIfI TROUBLE IN THE OFFICE. It Was CnaHpd liy the Editor'* Co ouiitlrum. "Why is a woman like an umbrella?" asked the exchange editor. "Because she's mndo of ribs and at tached to a stick," replied the informa tion editor. "Why is"— "Wrong. Guess ngnln." "Because she always has to be shut up when"— "Naw! You fatigue me." "Because she stauds In the hall and"— "Naw! It's nothing about standing In the hail." "A woman is like an umbrella be cause nobody ever gets the right one. Why is" "Illng off! That isn't the answer ei ther." "It's a better one than you've got." "Don't you reckon I know whether it Is or not? Whose conundrum is this— yours or mine?" "Well, she's like an umbrella be cause— It isn't because she fades with age, is it?" "You ought to be ashamed of your self." "I am. Is It because you have to put up when It's cloudy and threatening— No; that can't be it. Because she's a good thing to have in the house. Why Is"— "You're not within four counties of It." "Because you can't find any pocket In either. Why is"— "No choice. Vote ngaiu." "I won't. A woman isn't like an um brella. There is not the slightest re semblance. You go on with your work and let me alone." "I knew you couldn't guess it. It's been use site's accustomed to reign." Then the information editor rose in his wrath, and they were only pre vented from doing mischief to each other by prompt—and wholly unex pected—work on the part, of the labor j editor.—Chicago Tribune. Prepnroil to On. "Now, John," his wife said, gently | pressing him back when he tried to got j op, "yon must stay in bed today. I've telephoned for the doctor, and lie's | coming right over." "All right," he submissively replied as she threw his trousers out of reach, "you'll find my will and the insurance policies and so forth in that little tin box in the third drawer of my desk."— Chicago Times-Herald. Ice cold soda at Keipor's. Kodol Dyspepsia Cure Digests what you eat. It artificially digests the food and aids Mature In strengthening and recon structing the exhausted digestive or gaus. It isthe latest discovereddigest aut and tonic. No other preparation can approach It In efficiency. It In stantly ralievesand permanently cures ! Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Heartburn, ! Flatulence, Sour Stomach, Nausea, i Sick Headache, Gastralgla.Crampsand all other results of imperfect digestion. Prlcesoc. andfl. Large site contain. 2* time, mall tlxo. Bookallaboutdyspcpslamalfediree Prepared by E. C. DtWITT A CO' Cb'eogo. Grovor's City Drug Store. I Classic. He—Which do you prefer, Homer or Virgil? She—Virgil. He-Why? She—Didn't he begin the "ACuid" with something about arms and the man?— Syracuse Herald. An Artfnl DeffKar. Miss Believe—Beggars arc all frauds. I met a blind man yesterday who said, "Please gimme a penny or two, lovely lady." Miss Behave—Yea. He said that to make you think he waa really blind.— Chicago Chronicle. Popular Self. "Onlysoldier In the 'ranka.' " Chi cago News. Too Soon. "What are the names of that newly married couple next door?" "Oh, we enn't find out for a few weeks. They call each other 'Birdie.' " —Mirth. "Srwipaprr knellah." It is sweet to hear Professor I.ouns bury, the head of the English depart ment nt Yale, Buying a word in behalf of what some of his more pedantic brethren arc pleased to call newspaper English. It la Profeesor Lounsbury's opinion that while newspaper writing is subject to conditions which tend to impair its excellence, inasmuch as lit tle or no time can be allowed for ex amination or revision, It is generally marked by greater perspicuity and en ergy of expression than more labored literary work, and those who write it are us a class far superior to those who set out to he their critics and cen sors.—Boston Herald. Father of England's Civil Service. H. W. Chlsholm, who died recently at the age of 03, was the father of the English civil service. He was appoint ed In 1824 by Lord Grenville to a Junior clerkship in the bill department of the exchequer, iu which his father was senior clerk before him. The office hours in Mr. Chlshotm's early days were 11 to 2. a blight outlook compar ed with the 10 to 5 through which the civil servant lias now to suffer enuul. Mr. Chlsholm retired in 1877, after 53 years of service. He was the father of Hugh Chlsholm, for some time ed itor of The St. James Gazette and well known in London Journalism. Onr Lady of the Snows. Noting a suggestion that the British colonies he called kingdoms, the Mont real Herald says: "There Is not in the world a more democratic community, in Cauuda we have neither the ap panages of a court nor the survival of a feudal nobility by which to be Joined to the past. We have only a growing population of industrious frecmeu, knowing no castes or classes, and a government that la truly by the people and for the people." Spring coughs are specially danger ous and unless cured at once, serious results often follow. One Minute Cough Cure acts like tnagic. It is not a com mon mixture but is a high grade remedy. Grover's City drug 9tore. YOUTHS' DEPARTM E NT. Character* Irra la Hat*—A Flah That Pißha*—Bnrytna a Snake Alive. Somebody has given us his Idea that we may know a good deal about men's eharncters by the sort of hats which they wear and the way they put them on. This Is very likely to be true. We might also learn, I dare say, about wo men's characters If wo look note of the bonnets which they Relent, but I am not going to Inquire Into these. Again, I am sure you can And out signs of a boy's character If you notice how he ar ranges his cap on bis head and how he treats It too. I have seen a boy kick ing his cap along a road as he might a football, which did not make me think highly of him. Who Is a person of method and or der? Certainly the man who has a hat which sits squarely on his bead, not tilting to the right or the left. Such a man you can trust. Yet there Is something to be said for the man whose hat always seems too lnrge for him. lie may be a bit careless, per haps eccentric, yet severul great men have worn hats decidedly big. For Instance, Mr. Gladstone's hat often seemed Inclined to come over his ears, lie who tips his hat to one side or the other Is apt to be conceited or else wishes to make himself remarkable. Then It Is supposed that those having hats which seem always too small for them are mean or narrow minded. He who usually pulls his hat over his eyes Is probably not truthful or he IB suspicious. Such a person seldom takes a cheerful view of people and things around. But the man who usual ly has his hat pushed off bis face deserves the kindly regard of his friends. Often he la merry, cheerful, ready to come out with snatches of song, though he whose hat leans to far back over his shoulders Is less to be admired. He Is eccentric.—Chat terbox. A Fish That Flshea. Most remarkable of strange fishes is the angler fish, whose very name seems a paradox. The fishing fish Is never theless a reality nnd n stern one to all that approach those awful Jaws of his. With a hotly the color of mud, he generally lies In the shadow of some rock on the bottom of the sea waiting motionless for the approach of Ills prey. He Is provided with an odd kind of fin Just over the mouth, and this Is held out In front of him to give warn ing of the coming of something to be swallowed. One taken alive was ex perimented on, and It was found that if this projecting fin was touched with a stick, even though the stick did not come near the month, the Jaws closed convulsively. This shows that the fin by some provision of nature closes the Jaw as soon as It Is touched. The mouth Is tremendous, growing to the width of a foot when the whole fish Is only three feet long. One of these anglers was caught not long since, and, although It was only 25 inches long, a fish 15 Inches long was found sticking In Its throat. The an gler Is provided with peculiar set teeth In double or treble rows along the Jaws and at the entrance of the throat. Some of these teeth are a foot long. He Is not a pretty fish to look at, but he attends strictly to business and will swallow anything that touches his warning fin whether It be meant for food or not. All kinds of things have been found In the stomach of anglers from bits of lead and stone to fish al most as large as the angler itself. This is without doubt one of the most peculiar and Interesting fish In the whole ocean. Barring a Snake Alive. It would not seem a very easy thing to bury a snake alive, but that Is what a traveler through western Indian Ter ritory saw some prairie dogs doing. The story is told from Forest and St ream. The traveler was resting under a tree when he noticed a commotion among some dogs near him. They would run up to a certain spot, poop at something and then scamper back. Looking more closely, he saw 15 to 20 dogs about a rattlesnake, which presently went Into one of the dogs' boles. No sooner had It disappeared than the little fellows began to push In dirt evidently to fill up the hole. By the time they had pretty well covered the entrance the snake stuck his head up through the dirt, and every dog scam pered off to a safe distance, all the time barking. The snake slowly crawled to another bole about a rod distant and weut In. This done, they proceeded to beat the earth down, using their noses to pound It with. When It was quite hard, they went away. The traveler examined their work and was surprised to find that they had packed the earth in solid with their noses and bad sealed the snake Inside. Circle Game*. There are what are called circle games. In "skip away" the children stand In a circle, holding hands. The player who is "it" runs around the cir cle and tags one of the players. The one tagged runs In the opposite direc tion to the player by whom he was tag ged. aud the player who first reaches the vacant place in the circle wins. "Slap Jack" is played the same way, except that when the two who are run ning meet they must stop and shako hands. "Shake lag In a circle," "drop the handkerchief," "slap catch" and "fox and farmer" are very much alike. You will waste time if you try to cure indigestion or dyspepsia by starving yourself. That only makes it worse when you do eat heartily. You always need plenty of good food propeyly digested. Kodol Dyspepsia Cure is the result of years of scientific research for something that would digest not only some elements of food but every kind. And It Is the one remedy that will do It. drover's City drug store. FOR LITTLE FOLKS. An Elephant'* Appetite. Bolivar, the big elephant out at the St. Louis zoo, has an appetite that makes even the ostrich envious. Being strictly a vegetarian, his diet is of course limited to hay and grain, with a few vegetables. The small boy who de ludes himself with the belief that he is affording any gastronomic pleasure to Bolivar by throwing a single peanut into his cavernous mouth would be rather surprised to know that the ele phant regards 150 pounds of food In one day as a rather slim allownuce. He would eat 500 pounds If that amount were provided. In fact, he would cat all day and suffer no ill effects. All elephants are gluttons. Those that travel with shows would eat up all the profits were It not for the fact that showmen limit them to about 100 pounds of provender a day. This limit ed allowance seems to keep them In good condition, hut no elephant ever acknowledged he had enough to eat. Boy*. Improve Your Cbnnren. Many boys neglect chances of mental improvement. They do not realize what it Is to have an education till they get Into a company of boys when some thing comes up for discussion and find that they must sit still Instead of tak ing an active part. After an experience of this sort they usually bemoan their fate and say they had no chance to learn. Some hoys leave school sooner than they ought to either from choice or compulsion. It Is usually the ones who stop from choice that grumble at fate. Whoh a boy stops going to school from choice, the main cause nearly al ways lies In his not being industrious or caring what the future has in store for him.—American Boy. A Tiny Violinist. Maurice A. Warner, a 0-year-old boy living in Kansas City, Is attracting at tention by playing on the violin. lie begun tuklng lessons two years ago. When not 111 the presence of his teach er, the boy plays no better than might he expected of one who had studied UAURICB A. WABKER, music as long as Maurice has. When his teacher Is Willi him, however, and looks liliu in the eye, the boy can play the most dlllleult pieces. Some people believe that the teacher hypnotizes tin little pupil and that this Is what makes him play so wonderfully at times. Precept and Rinmple. "When you find yourself admitting a slang word or phrase into your vocabu lary, young ladles and gentlemen," earnestly exhorted the professor of rhetoric, "cut It out." Bless his old heart! He thought ho wus merely usiug a striking aud ex pressive figure of speech. Chicago Tribune. Jnat I.lke a Policeman. "What's the charge?" asked the Judge. "Impersonating an officer," answered the prosecutor. "What was he doing?" "I saw lilui helping himself to fruit anil peanuts from a street vender's stand."—Chicago Post. lndl*pca*al)lc I'ndi-r t'lrciimNlanccn. Minister (approaching baptismal font) —The candidate for baptism will now be presented. Mother of Intended Candidate (In perturbed whisper to husband)— There! I knew we had forgotten something, Archibald. Hun home quick and fetch the hnby.—Boston Courier. An Affront to C'upld. "Daughter, what makes you look so serious?" "Well, pa, what would you think of a young man who took advantage of Lent to drop from his customary $1 box of caramels to a 5 cent bag of pea nuts?"— Detroit Free Press. A Miracle. "I see It la maintained by some peo ple that miracles still occur." "So tboy do. One happened at our house last night. My wife discovered after it was too late to do any ordering that we didn't have a thing iu the way of refreshments around the house, and nobody called."—Chicago Tlmee-ller ald. "I have been troubled with indiges tion for ton years, have tried many things and spent, much money to no pur pose until I tried Kodol Dyspepsia Cure. I have taken two bottles and gotten more relief from them than all other medicines taken. I feel more like a boy than I have felt in twenty years.' Anderson Biggs, of Sunny Lane, Texas. Thousands have testified as did Mr. Biggs. Drover's City drug store. I £3 rail Ei friii fa iTHj a rrtITHJ i I 1 McMenamin's 1 ill N I Spring Stock 1 |£] OF [ffl I HATS, GAPS, SHOES, } UNDERWEAR AND [ FLUSHINGS, £ Latest Plain and Fancy Shirts, 1 Neckwear, Hosiery, Etc., 1 IS NOW P I Ready for Your Inspection, j We claim to have the most complete seasonable lines of the above goods in the town. Our goods are at all times up-to date p] and our prices are always right. We invite [i® you to examine our stock. \m A MCMENAMIN'S | |] Hat, Shoe and Gents' Furnishing Store. || j|j 86 South Centre Street. p] fMHMHMMI p,m A ASKTHE MAN piND THE CASE W.K.GRESH & SONS MAKERS. \ The Cure that ouree i p Coughs, to \ Colets, j S Grippe, (k V Whooping Cough, Asthma, J \ Bronchitis and Incipient A Cj' Consumption, Is fj? j foTio's f (JUR^ The (tERMAN REMEDY" £ vt r UV f ,^^ riTo4 ' l Avsehses. j Wilkes-Barre Record Is the Best Paper in Northeastern Pennsylvania It contains Complete Local, Tele graphic and General News. Prints only the News that's fit to Print 50 Cents a Month, ,DORESS ' $6 a Year by Mail The Record, or Carriers Wilkes-Earre. p a . Condy 0. Boyle, dealer In LIQUOR, WINE, BEER, PORTER, ETC. The finest brands of Domestic and Imported Whiskey on sale. Fresh Rochester and Shen andoah Boor and Yeunglirur's f'ortcr on tap, UK Centra street. SI!P9 f cph fc<j| % ' ■$ In time. Sold by dnncntots. gj RAILROAD TIMETABLES THE DELAWARE, SUSQUEHANNA AND SCHUYLKILL RAILROAD. Time table in eflect March 10, 1901. Trains leave Drift on for Jeddo, Ecklej. Hazle brook, Stockton, Heaver Meadow Koad, Hoan and Hvzletoii Junction at ttOU a m, daily except Sunday; and 7 07 a in, 2:i* t> ra, Sunday. Trains leave Drii ton for liarwood,Cranberry, < inhicken and Deriuaer at HO u m, daily except Sunday; and 7-7 a oi, 238 p m. Sun fining leave Drtftou for Oneida Junction Hsiwood itoud, Humboldt itoud, Oneida ani hrppton at at) 0 a m, daily except Sun lay; and 7 07 a in, 2 38 pm. Sunday, l mint leave Hazieton Junction forHarwood. i Miborry, Toivhickcn and Peringer at UJo a u, daily except Sunday; and * 60 a in, 4 '£i p m tinday. Trains leave Hazlcton Junction for Oneida ■ unction, liarwood Road, Humboldt Koad, inoida and Shepptou at to W, 11 10 a in, 4 41 p m, laily except Sunoay; und 737 a m, 3 11 pm. Sunday Truing leave Deringer tor Tornhicken, (Cran berry. Hat wood, Hazleton Junction and Itoan | tt 6 ru, daily except Sunday; mid •3; Trams leave shepptou tor Oneida, Humboldt , Koad, liarwood Koad, Oneida Junction. Huzir ton Junction u d koau at i 11 * ra, 13 40, at* p tn, laily oxuep. • mnday and HI: n m. 344 , p m, Sunday j Trains leave -Keppton for Iteaver Meadow Koad, stockto • )>id ftrook Kckley, Jeddr and Drifum at 6 j m. dally, excepl Sunoay md 11 m,; 44 | m, Sunday trams Hazleton Junction lor Heave, •leadow iio : ;to< ktnn I u-1 Brook, Eekicj, and Drifton at '9 p ra, dally ■ t Dazfeioc .lURi-tiiM'wnV a'; 'h'' ■v'. o M '' o! I '. * *< nud'.'i ■' 1 klt kin • i t nr.s :rrU!.utv *w t oi• i It: ;ip.K v>ii ru s.urrnVN'H.'rit. ElllliU VALLEY KAILkOA 1~. I- Mmeli 17, 1901 \KHAOkMt.MI OX PARHKNUft-S IRA INh LEAVE FnKKLAND 12 a in for Weathcrly, Mauch Chunk, Allcntown, iiclhiclum, Easton. Phila delphia, Sew York and Delano and Poitovillc. 40 a in for Sandy Run, While Haven, Wilkes-Ham', Pit talon und Scranton. 18 a in for llazlcton, Weutherly. Mauch ('bunk, Allcntown, Bethlehem. Easton, Philadelphia, New York, Delano and Pottsviile. .1 30 a in for Hazlcton, Muhunoy City, Shen andoah, r. t'urrael. Shuniokin. . 20 P tn for Weathcrly, Mauch < hunk, Al lcntown, Bethlehem, Easton, Philadel phia and New York. > 34 P ni for Sandy Kun, White Ilavcn. Wi.kcs-llarre, Scranton and all points 7 29 l in for Hazleton, Delano and Potts viile ARRIVE AT FREEHAND. 7 40 a m from Wentherly, Pottsviile and Hazleton. 9 17 n ra from Philadelphia, Easton, Retble ill' Allcntown, Mauch ( hunk, Weath crly, Hazleton, Mahanoy (,'ity, Shcnan ocah, Mt. Curinei und Shaniokin. y oO a in from Scranton, Wilkes-Burre and W bite Haven. 1 12 P m from New York, Philadelphia, Easton, Bethlehem, Allcntown, Mauch Chunk and Weathcrly. 6 34 P in from New York, Philadelphia, Easton, Bethlehem, Allcntown, Fotta ville, Shaniokin. Mt. Carmel, Shenan doah. Mahanoy City and Hazlcton. 7 29 P m from Scranton, Wilkes-Barre and W bite Haven. For further information Inquire of Ticket K gents. KOLLIN H. W1 LRUtt,General Superintendent, o J£ortlandt street, New York City. OH AS. 8. LEE. General Passenger Agent, ('ort)undt Street. New York City. G. J. GILDUOY, Division Superintendent, Hazlcton. Pa.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers