|CASTORIA
H Forlnfentsand^CMldren.
CASIO Rill™ 6 Kind You Have
Always Bought
AwgetablePreparationforAs- ?9 # M
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UngtocStonwcteandßowelsof 'w tllG M 1
—— rf I Signature /%u
Promotes DigcslionCheerFuk M |A#
ness and Rest.Contains neither | n W If g
Opium.Morphine nor Mineral. 01 #i\ *\ IT
NotMahcotic. j AU/lr
n*vtafrX4o-SMUELmVHtR |\AM
SerJ>- ■lr •
JU.Smn* * \ IJk
AtLslU SJ*- I |U I _
! A IMI IH
( f\ iJIA 111
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Aperfeet Remedy forConsUpa- | ll j IIW U
Ron, Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea I WaK
Worms .Convulsions .Feverish- I tT r_„ A 1IAl(
ness and Loss of Sleep. rQ| II yP J
FacSunile Signature of k
1 Thirty Years
"—ICfISTORIfI
TROUBLE IN THE OFFICE.
It Was CnaHpd liy the Editor'* Co
ouiitlrum.
"Why is a woman like an umbrella?"
asked the exchange editor.
"Because she's mndo of ribs and at
tached to a stick," replied the informa
tion editor. "Why is"—
"Wrong. Guess ngnln."
"Because she always has to be shut
up when"—
"Naw! You fatigue me."
"Because she stauds In the hall
and"—
"Naw! It's nothing about standing
In the hail."
"A woman is like an umbrella be
cause nobody ever gets the right one.
Why is"
"Illng off! That isn't the answer ei
ther."
"It's a better one than you've got."
"Don't you reckon I know whether it
Is or not? Whose conundrum is this—
yours or mine?"
"Well, she's like an umbrella be
cause— It isn't because she fades with
age, is it?"
"You ought to be ashamed of your
self."
"I am. Is It because you have to put
up when It's cloudy and threatening—
No; that can't be it. Because she's a
good thing to have in the house. Why
Is"—
"You're not within four counties of
It."
"Because you can't find any pocket
In either. Why is"—
"No choice. Vote ngaiu."
"I won't. A woman isn't like an um
brella. There is not the slightest re
semblance. You go on with your work
and let me alone."
"I knew you couldn't guess it. It's
been use site's accustomed to reign."
Then the information editor rose in
his wrath, and they were only pre
vented from doing mischief to each
other by prompt—and wholly unex
pected—work on the part, of the labor j
editor.—Chicago Tribune.
Prepnroil to On.
"Now, John," his wife said, gently |
pressing him back when he tried to got j
op, "yon must stay in bed today. I've
telephoned for the doctor, and lie's |
coming right over."
"All right," he submissively replied
as she threw his trousers out of reach,
"you'll find my will and the insurance
policies and so forth in that little tin
box in the third drawer of my desk."—
Chicago Times-Herald.
Ice cold soda at Keipor's.
Kodol
Dyspepsia Cure
Digests what you eat.
It artificially digests the food and aids
Mature In strengthening and recon
structing the exhausted digestive or
gaus. It isthe latest discovereddigest
aut and tonic. No other preparation
can approach It In efficiency. It In
stantly ralievesand permanently cures !
Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Heartburn, !
Flatulence, Sour Stomach, Nausea, i
Sick Headache, Gastralgla.Crampsand
all other results of imperfect digestion.
Prlcesoc. andfl. Large site contain. 2* time,
mall tlxo. Bookallaboutdyspcpslamalfediree
Prepared by E. C. DtWITT A CO' Cb'eogo.
Grovor's City Drug Store. I
Classic.
He—Which do you prefer, Homer or
Virgil?
She—Virgil.
He-Why?
She—Didn't he begin the "ACuid"
with something about arms and the
man?— Syracuse Herald.
An Artfnl DeffKar.
Miss Believe—Beggars arc all frauds.
I met a blind man yesterday who said,
"Please gimme a penny or two, lovely
lady."
Miss Behave—Yea. He said that to
make you think he waa really blind.—
Chicago Chronicle.
Popular Self.
"Onlysoldier In the 'ranka.' " Chi
cago News.
Too Soon.
"What are the names of that newly
married couple next door?"
"Oh, we enn't find out for a few
weeks. They call each other 'Birdie.' "
—Mirth.
"Srwipaprr knellah."
It is sweet to hear Professor I.ouns
bury, the head of the English depart
ment nt Yale, Buying a word in behalf
of what some of his more pedantic
brethren arc pleased to call newspaper
English. It la Profeesor Lounsbury's
opinion that while newspaper writing
is subject to conditions which tend to
impair its excellence, inasmuch as lit
tle or no time can be allowed for ex
amination or revision, It is generally
marked by greater perspicuity and en
ergy of expression than more labored
literary work, and those who write it
are us a class far superior to those
who set out to he their critics and cen
sors.—Boston Herald.
Father of England's Civil Service.
H. W. Chlsholm, who died recently
at the age of 03, was the father of the
English civil service. He was appoint
ed In 1824 by Lord Grenville to a
Junior clerkship in the bill department
of the exchequer, iu which his father
was senior clerk before him. The office
hours in Mr. Chlshotm's early days
were 11 to 2. a blight outlook compar
ed with the 10 to 5 through which the
civil servant lias now to suffer enuul.
Mr. Chlsholm retired in 1877, after 53
years of service. He was the father
of Hugh Chlsholm, for some time ed
itor of The St. James Gazette and well
known in London Journalism.
Onr Lady of the Snows.
Noting a suggestion that the British
colonies he called kingdoms, the Mont
real Herald says: "There Is not in the
world a more democratic community,
in Cauuda we have neither the ap
panages of a court nor the survival of
a feudal nobility by which to be Joined
to the past. We have only a growing
population of industrious frecmeu,
knowing no castes or classes, and a
government that la truly by the people
and for the people."
Spring coughs are specially danger
ous and unless cured at once, serious
results often follow. One Minute Cough
Cure acts like tnagic. It is not a com
mon mixture but is a high grade remedy.
Grover's City drug 9tore.
YOUTHS' DEPARTM E NT.
Character* Irra la Hat*—A Flah
That Pißha*—Bnrytna a
Snake Alive.
Somebody has given us his Idea that
we may know a good deal about men's
eharncters by the sort of hats which
they wear and the way they put them
on. This Is very likely to be true. We
might also learn, I dare say, about wo
men's characters If wo look note of the
bonnets which they Relent, but I am not
going to Inquire Into these. Again, I
am sure you can And out signs of a
boy's character If you notice how he ar
ranges his cap on bis head and how he
treats It too. I have seen a boy kick
ing his cap along a road as he might a
football, which did not make me think
highly of him.
Who Is a person of method and or
der? Certainly the man who has a hat
which sits squarely on his bead, not
tilting to the right or the left. Such
a man you can trust. Yet there Is
something to be said for the man
whose hat always seems too lnrge for
him. lie may be a bit careless, per
haps eccentric, yet severul great men
have worn hats decidedly big. For
Instance, Mr. Gladstone's hat often
seemed Inclined to come over his ears,
lie who tips his hat to one side or the
other Is apt to be conceited or else
wishes to make himself remarkable.
Then It Is supposed that those having
hats which seem always too small for
them are mean or narrow minded. He
who usually pulls his hat over his
eyes Is probably not truthful or he IB
suspicious. Such a person seldom
takes a cheerful view of people and
things around. But the man who usual
ly has his hat pushed off bis face
deserves the kindly regard of his
friends. Often he la merry, cheerful,
ready to come out with snatches of
song, though he whose hat leans to
far back over his shoulders Is less to
be admired. He Is eccentric.—Chat
terbox.
A Fish That Flshea.
Most remarkable of strange fishes is
the angler fish, whose very name seems
a paradox. The fishing fish Is never
theless a reality nnd n stern one to all
that approach those awful Jaws of
his. With a hotly the color of mud, he
generally lies In the shadow of some
rock on the bottom of the sea waiting
motionless for the approach of Ills
prey. He Is provided with an odd kind
of fin Just over the mouth, and this Is
held out In front of him to give warn
ing of the coming of something to be
swallowed. One taken alive was ex
perimented on, and It was found that
if this projecting fin was touched with
a stick, even though the stick did
not come near the month, the Jaws
closed convulsively. This shows that
the fin by some provision of nature
closes the Jaw as soon as It Is touched.
The mouth Is tremendous, growing to
the width of a foot when the whole
fish Is only three feet long. One of
these anglers was caught not long
since, and, although It was only 25
inches long, a fish 15 Inches long was
found sticking In Its throat. The an
gler Is provided with peculiar set teeth
In double or treble rows along the
Jaws and at the entrance of the throat.
Some of these teeth are a foot long.
He Is not a pretty fish to look at, but he
attends strictly to business and will
swallow anything that touches his
warning fin whether It be meant for
food or not. All kinds of things have
been found In the stomach of anglers
from bits of lead and stone to fish al
most as large as the angler itself.
This is without doubt one of the most
peculiar and Interesting fish In the
whole ocean.
Barring a Snake Alive.
It would not seem a very easy thing
to bury a snake alive, but that Is what
a traveler through western Indian Ter
ritory saw some prairie dogs doing.
The story is told from Forest and
St ream.
The traveler was resting under a tree
when he noticed a commotion among
some dogs near him. They would run
up to a certain spot, poop at something
and then scamper back. Looking more
closely, he saw 15 to 20 dogs about a
rattlesnake, which presently went Into
one of the dogs' boles.
No sooner had It disappeared than
the little fellows began to push In dirt
evidently to fill up the hole. By the
time they had pretty well covered the
entrance the snake stuck his head up
through the dirt, and every dog scam
pered off to a safe distance, all the
time barking.
The snake slowly crawled to another
bole about a rod distant and weut In.
This done, they proceeded to beat the
earth down, using their noses to pound
It with. When It was quite hard, they
went away. The traveler examined
their work and was surprised to find
that they had packed the earth in solid
with their noses and bad sealed the
snake Inside.
Circle Game*.
There are what are called circle
games. In "skip away" the children
stand In a circle, holding hands. The
player who is "it" runs around the cir
cle and tags one of the players. The
one tagged runs In the opposite direc
tion to the player by whom he was tag
ged. aud the player who first reaches
the vacant place in the circle wins.
"Slap Jack" is played the same way,
except that when the two who are run
ning meet they must stop and shako
hands. "Shake lag In a circle," "drop
the handkerchief," "slap catch" and
"fox and farmer" are very much alike.
You will waste time if you try to cure
indigestion or dyspepsia by starving
yourself. That only makes it worse when
you do eat heartily. You always need
plenty of good food propeyly digested.
Kodol Dyspepsia Cure is the result of
years of scientific research for something
that would digest not only some elements
of food but every kind. And It Is the
one remedy that will do It. drover's
City drug store.
FOR LITTLE FOLKS.
An Elephant'* Appetite.
Bolivar, the big elephant out at the
St. Louis zoo, has an appetite that
makes even the ostrich envious. Being
strictly a vegetarian, his diet is of
course limited to hay and grain, with a
few vegetables. The small boy who de
ludes himself with the belief that he is
affording any gastronomic pleasure to
Bolivar by throwing a single peanut
into his cavernous mouth would be
rather surprised to know that the ele
phant regards 150 pounds of food In
one day as a rather slim allownuce. He
would eat 500 pounds If that amount
were provided. In fact, he would cat
all day and suffer no ill effects. All
elephants are gluttons. Those that
travel with shows would eat up all the
profits were It not for the fact that
showmen limit them to about 100
pounds of provender a day. This limit
ed allowance seems to keep them In
good condition, hut no elephant ever
acknowledged he had enough to eat.
Boy*. Improve Your Cbnnren.
Many boys neglect chances of mental
improvement. They do not realize
what it Is to have an education till they
get Into a company of boys when some
thing comes up for discussion and find
that they must sit still Instead of tak
ing an active part. After an experience
of this sort they usually bemoan their
fate and say they had no chance to
learn. Some hoys leave school sooner
than they ought to either from choice
or compulsion. It Is usually the ones
who stop from choice that grumble at
fate. Whoh a boy stops going to school
from choice, the main cause nearly al
ways lies In his not being industrious
or caring what the future has in store
for him.—American Boy.
A Tiny Violinist.
Maurice A. Warner, a 0-year-old boy
living in Kansas City, Is attracting at
tention by playing on the violin. lie
begun tuklng lessons two years ago.
When not 111 the presence of his teach
er, the boy plays no better than might
he expected of one who had studied
UAURICB A. WABKER,
music as long as Maurice has. When
his teacher Is Willi him, however, and
looks liliu in the eye, the boy can play
the most dlllleult pieces. Some people
believe that the teacher hypnotizes tin
little pupil and that this Is what makes
him play so wonderfully at times.
Precept and Rinmple.
"When you find yourself admitting a
slang word or phrase into your vocabu
lary, young ladles and gentlemen,"
earnestly exhorted the professor of
rhetoric, "cut It out."
Bless his old heart! He thought ho
wus merely usiug a striking aud ex
pressive figure of speech. Chicago
Tribune.
Jnat I.lke a Policeman.
"What's the charge?" asked the
Judge.
"Impersonating an officer," answered
the prosecutor.
"What was he doing?"
"I saw lilui helping himself to fruit
anil peanuts from a street vender's
stand."—Chicago Post.
lndl*pca*al)lc I'ndi-r t'lrciimNlanccn.
Minister (approaching baptismal font)
—The candidate for baptism will now
be presented.
Mother of Intended Candidate (In
perturbed whisper to husband)— There!
I knew we had forgotten something,
Archibald. Hun home quick and fetch
the hnby.—Boston Courier.
An Affront to C'upld.
"Daughter, what makes you look so
serious?"
"Well, pa, what would you think of
a young man who took advantage of
Lent to drop from his customary $1
box of caramels to a 5 cent bag of pea
nuts?"— Detroit Free Press.
A Miracle.
"I see It la maintained by some peo
ple that miracles still occur."
"So tboy do. One happened at our
house last night. My wife discovered
after it was too late to do any ordering
that we didn't have a thing iu the way
of refreshments around the house, and
nobody called."—Chicago Tlmee-ller
ald.
"I have been troubled with indiges
tion for ton years, have tried many
things and spent, much money to no pur
pose until I tried Kodol Dyspepsia Cure.
I have taken two bottles and gotten
more relief from them than all other
medicines taken. I feel more like a boy
than I have felt in twenty years.'
Anderson Biggs, of Sunny Lane, Texas.
Thousands have testified as did Mr.
Biggs. Drover's City drug store.
I £3 rail Ei friii fa iTHj a rrtITHJ
i I
1 McMenamin's 1
ill N
I Spring Stock 1
|£] OF [ffl
I HATS, GAPS, SHOES, }
UNDERWEAR AND [
FLUSHINGS, £
Latest Plain and Fancy Shirts, 1
Neckwear, Hosiery, Etc., 1
IS NOW P
I Ready for Your Inspection, j
We claim to have the most complete
seasonable lines of the above goods in the
town. Our goods are at all times up-to date p]
and our prices are always right. We invite [i®
you to examine our stock.
\m
A MCMENAMIN'S |
|] Hat, Shoe and Gents' Furnishing Store. ||
j|j 86 South Centre Street. p]
fMHMHMMI
p,m A
ASKTHE MAN piND THE CASE
W.K.GRESH & SONS
MAKERS.
\ The Cure that ouree i
p Coughs, to
\ Colets, j
S Grippe, (k
V Whooping Cough, Asthma, J \
Bronchitis and Incipient A
Cj' Consumption, Is fj? j
foTio's
f (JUR^
The (tERMAN REMEDY" £
vt r UV f ,^^ riTo4 ' l Avsehses. j
Wilkes-Barre Record
Is the Best Paper in Northeastern
Pennsylvania
It contains Complete Local, Tele
graphic and General News.
Prints only the News that's fit to
Print
50 Cents a Month, ,DORESS '
$6 a Year by Mail The Record,
or Carriers Wilkes-Earre. p a .
Condy 0. Boyle,
dealer In
LIQUOR, WINE, BEER, PORTER, ETC.
The finest brands of Domestic and Imported
Whiskey on sale. Fresh Rochester and Shen
andoah Boor and Yeunglirur's f'ortcr on tap,
UK Centra street.
SI!P9 f cph fc<j| % '
■$ In time. Sold by dnncntots. gj
RAILROAD TIMETABLES
THE DELAWARE, SUSQUEHANNA AND
SCHUYLKILL RAILROAD.
Time table in eflect March 10, 1901.
Trains leave Drift on for Jeddo, Ecklej. Hazle
brook, Stockton, Heaver Meadow Koad, Hoan
and Hvzletoii Junction at ttOU a m, daily
except Sunday; and 7 07 a in, 2:i* t> ra, Sunday.
Trains leave Drii ton for liarwood,Cranberry,
< inhicken and Deriuaer at HO u m, daily
except Sunday; and 7-7 a oi, 238 p m. Sun
fining leave Drtftou for Oneida Junction
Hsiwood itoud, Humboldt itoud, Oneida ani
hrppton at at) 0 a m, daily except Sun
lay; and 7 07 a in, 2 38 pm. Sunday,
l mint leave Hazieton Junction forHarwood.
i Miborry, Toivhickcn and Peringer at UJo a
u, daily except Sunday; and * 60 a in, 4 '£i p m
tinday.
Trains leave Hazlcton Junction for Oneida
■ unction, liarwood Road, Humboldt Koad,
inoida and Shepptou at to W, 11 10 a in, 4 41 p m,
laily except Sunoay; und 737 a m, 3 11 pm.
Sunday
Truing leave Deringer tor Tornhicken, (Cran
berry. Hat wood, Hazleton Junction and Itoan
| tt 6 ru, daily except Sunday; mid •3;
Trams leave shepptou tor Oneida, Humboldt
, Koad, liarwood Koad, Oneida Junction. Huzir
ton Junction u d koau at i 11 * ra, 13 40, at*
p tn, laily oxuep. • mnday and HI: n m. 344
, p m, Sunday
j Trains leave -Keppton for Iteaver Meadow
Koad, stockto • )>id ftrook Kckley, Jeddr
and Drifum at 6 j m. dally, excepl Sunoay
md 11 m,; 44 | m, Sunday
trams Hazleton Junction lor Heave,
•leadow iio : ;to< ktnn I u-1 Brook, Eekicj,
and Drifton at '9 p ra, dally
■ t Dazfeioc .lURi-tiiM'wnV
a'; 'h'' ■v'. o M '' o! I '.
* *< nud'.'i ■' 1 klt kin
• i t nr.s :rrU!.utv *w t oi• i
It: ;ip.K v>ii ru s.urrnVN'H.'rit.
ElllliU VALLEY KAILkOA 1~.
I- Mmeli 17, 1901
\KHAOkMt.MI OX PARHKNUft-S IRA INh
LEAVE FnKKLAND
12 a in for Weathcrly, Mauch Chunk,
Allcntown, iiclhiclum, Easton. Phila
delphia, Sew York and Delano and
Poitovillc.
40 a in for Sandy Run, While Haven,
Wilkes-Ham', Pit talon und Scranton.
18 a in for llazlcton, Weutherly. Mauch
('bunk, Allcntown, Bethlehem. Easton,
Philadelphia, New York, Delano and
Pottsviile.
.1 30 a in for Hazlcton, Muhunoy City, Shen
andoah, r. t'urrael. Shuniokin.
. 20 P tn for Weathcrly, Mauch < hunk, Al
lcntown, Bethlehem, Easton, Philadel
phia and New York.
> 34 P ni for Sandy Kun, White Ilavcn.
Wi.kcs-llarre, Scranton and all points
7 29 l in for Hazleton, Delano and Potts
viile
ARRIVE AT FREEHAND.
7 40 a m from Wentherly, Pottsviile and
Hazleton.
9 17 n ra from Philadelphia, Easton, Retble
ill' Allcntown, Mauch ( hunk, Weath
crly, Hazleton, Mahanoy (,'ity, Shcnan
ocah, Mt. Curinei und Shaniokin.
y oO a in from Scranton, Wilkes-Burre and
W bite Haven.
1 12 P m from New York, Philadelphia,
Easton, Bethlehem, Allcntown, Mauch
Chunk and Weathcrly.
6 34 P in from New York, Philadelphia,
Easton, Bethlehem, Allcntown, Fotta
ville, Shaniokin. Mt. Carmel, Shenan
doah. Mahanoy City and Hazlcton.
7 29 P m from Scranton, Wilkes-Barre and
W bite Haven.
For further information Inquire of Ticket
K gents.
KOLLIN H. W1 LRUtt,General Superintendent,
o J£ortlandt street, New York City.
OH AS. 8. LEE. General Passenger Agent,
('ort)undt Street. New York City.
G. J. GILDUOY, Division Superintendent,
Hazlcton. Pa.